El Gran Mono
Well, its been a fun ride. Thanks for reading. Last week’s game has left me numb to the world of football. I’m ready for basketball season. I will now take my talents to twitter. Follow me @elgranmono1865.
Brew of the week:
BDA IPA – This custom ale was passed into my hands directly from the master brewer himself. I highly recommend getting your hands on some. If you are more of a “Hefeweisen guy” then I would stay away.
Malt Licker
Well sports fans, it’s that time, the final swan-song for your beloved Bourbon Boys. I must say it has been a pleasure collaborating with two of my best friends and fellow SEC football/bourbon enthusiasts. It’s an end of another era, as single Malt Licker will be extinct. I figure its good timing, since I already have to beat off the throngs of female supporters each week. Maybe now that they know I’m off the market, they will back off. I only wish we could end it with our Gators on top of the country. I try to tell myself that these lean years will make us appreciate our return to success even more.
Cuzzin Bailey
This is the final Bourbon Boys Pick Week! I know this came as a huge shock to all of you, but it was a mutual decision we all came to in the past few weeks. One thing you absolutely do not have to worry about: we will not UN-retire in a year a join another picks group. Last week I talked about the origins of this blog/newsletter, and this week I am going to give yall a sneak preview of what to expect in the future. Basically you will not be getting a week to week selection of games but more an editorial blog that pretty much talks about the current issues in the sport of college football, or anything that a bourbon boy would like to contribute. I think redundancy was an issue that we hoped to avoid, but after almost 10 years of talking about the same 12 programs it was inevitable. From now on, you can look to the blog to discuss games of course, but also players, teams, controversies, etc throughout the SEC and the NCAA in general. Anyways, I would like to thank the loyal readers of the Bourbon Boys and I look forward to entertaining you in the future. Also, keep an eye on www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey as well as the other Bboys accounts to find out when you can expect new material. Thanks again.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
4:00pm
14 Georgia vs. 1 LSU (+13.5)
EGM
As for the game, Georgia is not a good football team and they haven’t beat a good team all year. Aaron Murray is not accurate and his numbers have been inflated by a down SEC.
LSU, on the other hand, is the real deal. They will get at least two picks and Georgia’s average defense will not be able to handle their big offensive line and power running game. JJeff still sucks but the rest of the Bayou Bengals are legit. I think this game will be ugly before the half.
Cotton Bowl Bound 9
National Title Bound 45
ML
UGA has gotten fat off the putrid SEC East and the dregs of the SEC West. LSU has blown out everyone (other than Bama) they’ve faced. Is this game an anti-climax? It really feels like it. I can’t remember being less excited about an SEC title game. I’ve never been less engaged in a football season in my life. However, my hatred for Georgia never subsides. I guess America wants to see a rematch, and Les Miles, Mathieu and Co. are going to give them one. Overrated Aaron Murray will be exposed as a farce, and the Bayou Bengals will roll into New Orleans for the BCS Title game.
UGA 10
LSU 40
CB
I know we are all writing about this game, so (as is my nature) I am NOT looking to wow you with statistics, correct players names (or numbers for that matter). Here’s what you are looking at: UGA started off the year in an 0-2 hole and it was a serious possibility that Richt could be fired before the Cocktail Party, but then something extraordinary happened…Georgia ran into the easiest SEC schedule that I have seen in a LONG LONG time. But look, that isn’t going to take away from what they have accomplished. The Dawgs have won 10 straight games! Sure at times they looked beatable, but after trouncing Ga-Tech, UGA looks as sharp as they have all season (def looking past Kentucky) and if they can limit the big plays by LSU, this is going to be a very interesting game. LSU is pretty much already in the National Championship game so this outcome may not be as important to them. However, when was the last time a team lost its way into the NC game?...Anyone? Yea, Nebraska in 2000/2001. Remember that year? Everyone was in an uproar b/c if Nebraska had beaten Miami, they would have had a claim on the National Title without winning their conference. Well guess what, if LSU loses to UGA and still makes it to the title game, it will be guaranteed that the winner of the BCS crown will not have won their conference. Look at it this way, it isn’t guaranteed that a conference winner will win the college basketball title, and that is the epitome of a playoff scenario. I used to let that conference winner thing get me all riled up, but then I realized that the Big East is an AQ conference, and if there’s a play off situation with just conference winners, not the “best teams” then we gotsa problem. Hell if UCLA wins on Saturday, they will be the Pac-12 Champs and possibly the worst champions ever. Wow, that’s a psycho tangent for ya. Anyways, I think this game is going to be close for a while (see: LSU/Arkansas) but eventually the Tigers are going to close this out. It’s a good matchup, but the final score won’t shock anyone…
Jawga 17
LSU 40
Friday, December 02, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC - Week XIII
Cuzzin Bailey
By 2002, a good majority of our Gator friends had graduated or were on the same track within the year. Three friends took it upon themselves to make sure that, even though many of us were separated by hundreds of miles, the same lively football discussions we once had were not a thing of the past. Well, now they are a thing of the past haha! Oh well, had to happen sooner or later. Anyways, next week, the Bourbon Boys will do a victory lap for the SEC Championship game as we reminisce on all the wonderful moments, crazy guest writers, and controversial moments over the past years…Alright I’m full of shit about the sappy stuff, but be prepared for a bridge burning, sacrilegious, curse-word-laden final edition of THE BOURBON BOYS PICKIN’ THE SEC! But until then, relish in this Thanksgiving, UF/FSU week smacktalk special! Oh yea, FSU SUCKS and Urban Meyer is one step away from being a liar and off my friendly radar!! Don’t forget about me on twitter: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
Good thing its Thankgiving week because I think turkey and fellowship are the only thing that can right the Gator nation. Furman is a terrible team and the Gators made them look like world beaters. I’d love to focus on the “improvements” and “discipline” that Mr Muschamp has instilled in this team but it just doesn’t exist. Perhaps I could put my hopes in the “talent” but outside of DeBose and the linebacking core I don’t see anything to get excited about. Mr Muschamp has two strikes in my book and an FSU loss would be strike three. There is no sense in paying millions to a guy that just doesn’t have what it takes so I hope he proves me wrong. This is where we are at Gator fans, counting on hope. It makes me want to puke. I’ll be locked in on Saturday night, I just hope the Gators are too because this is an average-at-best FSU team and losing at home to them would be embarrassing.
On a separate note, I would like to announce my retirement along with the rest of the Bourbon Boys. I won’t list a litany of shitty excuses but instead focus on the positives of this last decade. I’ve enjoyed the banter stirred up by this blog (formerly newsletter) and appreciate all of the people who have read and participated.
Brew of the week: Shiner Bock. My personal favorite. Easily the best combination of taste and drinkability on the market. Scrap the Coors light and spend two extra bucks, you’ll thank yourself.
Malt Licker
Will this season ever end? Thankfully, I stayed true to my word and refused to watch a down of our latest embarrassment, the 54-32 “win” over the Purple Paladins. So much for getting Jacoby Brissett additional snaps. The only bright side to this season has been my stellar performance picking games against the spread. I’m sure I’ve jinxed myself. The last time I tooted my horn I ended up with a 2-7 week. Thankfully, we are coming up on my favorite holiday of the year, and we have a good slate of games on the docket.
Friday, November 25, 2011
2:30pm
Arkansas at LSU (-12.5)
ML
Is the SEC West that great or is the rest of the country that bad? Numbers 1, 2 & 3 all from the same division is pretty amazing. If the Hogs can pull off the upset, we may see the same thing next week. Is it too late to hire Petrino? The battle for the Golden Boot always seems to be a crazy game. With two of the last four games ending in overtime and one on a last second 4th down touchdown, expectations are high for another barn burner. LSU’s defense has handled better offenses, but I think Petrino will put a few scores up to cover the spread.
Ark. 17
LSU 24
CB
Arks 22
LSU 28
EGM
Arky 21
LSU 22
Saturday, November 26, 2011
12:00pm
Georgia at Georgia Tech (+6)
ML
Even if Georgia can make it from their bus to the locker room without getting shot, they may still leave Atlanta battered and bloodied after this matchup of Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate. They will have to face coach Paul Johnson’s triple option and the Ramblin’ Wreck’s second ranked rushing attack. Somehow, Georgia has managed to win nine in a row. This is more of an indictment of the SEC East and UGA’s favorable scheduling against the west than a testament to the talent and coaching of this team. Because I hate Georgia, and I think their record is inflated by a ridiculously easy schedule, I’m taking Coach Johnson’s boys in an upset.
GA 21
GA Tech 24
CB
Go to Hell 27
Tech 24
EGM
UGA 28
Tech 31
12:15pm
Tennessee at Kentucky (+7.5)
CB
The game formerly known as the Battle for the Beer Barrel, now just the “Battle for the Barrel.” Over my tenure as a respected blog contributor, I have seen a lot of things, and most of them relate to the wussification of society. If you honestly think that the word “beer” is gonna cause anyone harm in this world, then the person who gets harmed and the person who is doing the censoring should be drown in an oaken bucket. Look, games like this are a reason this can get boring. These two teams are a combined 2-12 in the SEC and Kentucky is eliminated from going bowling. The Vols are in a position the Gators were in last week, in which they are desperately looking for a win to get invited to a second class postseason game. If this game and a few others work out, the SEC is looking to send 10 teams to bowl games and may have 5 teams with double digit wins. These two ‘bottom of the barrel’ teams (if you’ll pardon the pun) are terrible, but coming off a “huge” win against Vandy and the fact that Kentucky is just terrible you have to give the nod to the Vuls.
UT 24
Kentucky 10
EGM
Vols 21
KY 10
ML
Orange Beer 23
Blue Beer 10
3:30pm
Alabama at Auburn (+21)
EGM
The Iron Bowl seems to be right back where it was two years ago. Bama en route to a Nat’l Championship game and Auburn on their way to the Crap Bowl. I’m sure Auburn fans are still giddy from sandwiching a Nat’l Championship of their own in there, however, I doubt that championship dulls their passion for this game. Bama is clearly the better team and Auburn’s weak defense plays right into their conservative offensive gameplan. But the game from 2009 is still in the back of my mind and Gus Malzahn had Bama fans pretty nervous that day. I think Auburn will put together a similar performance with the best crowd in CFB behind them. Unfortunately for the Plainsmen and the rest of college football (who doesn’t want a rematch), they just don’t have enough in the tank to take down the king of grayshirting, Nick Saban.
Tide 17
Plainsmen 13
ML
Tide 24
Tigers 14
CB
Bama 35
Burned 17
Vanderbilt at Wake Forest (+1.5)
EGM
This game is actually intriguing because more often than not both teams seem to be pretty decent these days. For Wake Forest its harder to tell because they play in the hyper-average ACC, but still they have a great coach and a good scheme. As for Vandy, they have the best QB in the SEC and a semblance of an offense. In fact, this game might actually be a better matchup than UF-FSU…how the mighty have fallen.
Dores 24
Deacs 21
ML
Vanderdork 30
Wake 17
CB
Vander’s belt 26
Vake Foressht 21
7:00pm
Florida State at Florida (+2.5)
CB
The Bourbon Boys aren’t going away completely but, this rigid, structured, precise, serious selection and analysis of games is coming to an end; that being said, it is my pleasure to write about the last Gators game in this format…and what a game this can be! There is a nickname for this game but I don’t use it. Not because I don’t like it or whatever, but because I had never heard of it until the EA Sports video game “introduced me.” Anyways, I’m sure as you all know, records can be meaningless in this game unless there is some dynamic talent on the field (See: Charlie Ward/Warrick Dunn – 92, 93; Tebow et al – 06-09), but the beauty part of this year’s edition is that neither team looks like a seriously dominant foe. That means that regardless how shitty UF has looked, pretty much all year, they still have a chance because Newsflash: FSU is NOT back! The Criminoles lost at home to Virginia last week…I shouldn’t have to say anymore, but you know I will. Their QB is spastic and I am not impressed with the running game. However, their defense of course scares me and that’s where this game may be decided. The UF D has shown flashes of potential this year, but other times they look like their head coach is NOT a defensive guy. Someone please explain to me how Janoris Jenkins could have covered the entire defensive backfield if he wasn’t kicked off the team? He is one guy and we have plenty of craptastic play for which couldn’t be made up. I mean what the hell was Meyer doing when recruiting for our secondary? You’d think the least he could do was not recruit shitbox players even though he knew he was bouncing…Screw him. It would take longer than this little blurb for me to go into all the ups and (mostly) downs our offense has had this year…JB and Chris Demps (sic) are going to have to be ON this week as we can never rely on our WRs to make plays, however we did see a few touches of brilliance from Dre Debose (even thought apparently he sent out his cell number on a tweet last week). Anyways, this game has yet another Home Underdog this week, and you know what, sometimes you just have to say, what the fuck…
I Hate U 21
FLORIDA 24
EGM
Noles 31
Gators 10
ML
Noles 24
Gators 10
Ole Miss at Mississippi State (-17.5)
CB
Another name game, the Golden Egg. Its painfully obvious to anyone who doesn’t enjoy Ole Miss playing poorly…hell its obvious to everyone that Ole Miss shouldn’t stand a chance in this game. Houston Nutt, as opposed to getting his kids rally around him and the school during his lame duck second half of the season, has decided to mail it in like the horse’s ass he is. Scum. A conspiracy theorist could conclude that it was in fact Nutt’s firing that has caused the implosion of the Bourbon Boys as two of them have an unhealthy obsession with him…I’ll give you a hint, I AIN’T one of them.
Ole Miss 17
Mess State 24
EGM
Rebs 3
Dawgs 45
ML
Ole Piss 10
Piss St 31
7:45pm
Clemson at South Carolina (-4)
EGM
As usual, these teams are almost dead even. Neither one ever seems to get too much of talent advantage and more often than not the better team doesn’t win. That’s why I’m baffled by the 4+ points that the Cocks are favored by. Only one thing can explain it, Vegas likes Spurrier better than Clown Boy Dabo. Even with better QB play from Clemson, I happen to agree.
Tigers 17
Cocks 24
ML
Clemzzon 19
SC 17
CB
Clemzon 30
Sorth Cackalacky 31
By 2002, a good majority of our Gator friends had graduated or were on the same track within the year. Three friends took it upon themselves to make sure that, even though many of us were separated by hundreds of miles, the same lively football discussions we once had were not a thing of the past. Well, now they are a thing of the past haha! Oh well, had to happen sooner or later. Anyways, next week, the Bourbon Boys will do a victory lap for the SEC Championship game as we reminisce on all the wonderful moments, crazy guest writers, and controversial moments over the past years…Alright I’m full of shit about the sappy stuff, but be prepared for a bridge burning, sacrilegious, curse-word-laden final edition of THE BOURBON BOYS PICKIN’ THE SEC! But until then, relish in this Thanksgiving, UF/FSU week smacktalk special! Oh yea, FSU SUCKS and Urban Meyer is one step away from being a liar and off my friendly radar!! Don’t forget about me on twitter: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
Good thing its Thankgiving week because I think turkey and fellowship are the only thing that can right the Gator nation. Furman is a terrible team and the Gators made them look like world beaters. I’d love to focus on the “improvements” and “discipline” that Mr Muschamp has instilled in this team but it just doesn’t exist. Perhaps I could put my hopes in the “talent” but outside of DeBose and the linebacking core I don’t see anything to get excited about. Mr Muschamp has two strikes in my book and an FSU loss would be strike three. There is no sense in paying millions to a guy that just doesn’t have what it takes so I hope he proves me wrong. This is where we are at Gator fans, counting on hope. It makes me want to puke. I’ll be locked in on Saturday night, I just hope the Gators are too because this is an average-at-best FSU team and losing at home to them would be embarrassing.
On a separate note, I would like to announce my retirement along with the rest of the Bourbon Boys. I won’t list a litany of shitty excuses but instead focus on the positives of this last decade. I’ve enjoyed the banter stirred up by this blog (formerly newsletter) and appreciate all of the people who have read and participated.
Brew of the week: Shiner Bock. My personal favorite. Easily the best combination of taste and drinkability on the market. Scrap the Coors light and spend two extra bucks, you’ll thank yourself.
Malt Licker
Will this season ever end? Thankfully, I stayed true to my word and refused to watch a down of our latest embarrassment, the 54-32 “win” over the Purple Paladins. So much for getting Jacoby Brissett additional snaps. The only bright side to this season has been my stellar performance picking games against the spread. I’m sure I’ve jinxed myself. The last time I tooted my horn I ended up with a 2-7 week. Thankfully, we are coming up on my favorite holiday of the year, and we have a good slate of games on the docket.
Friday, November 25, 2011
2:30pm
Arkansas at LSU (-12.5)
ML
Is the SEC West that great or is the rest of the country that bad? Numbers 1, 2 & 3 all from the same division is pretty amazing. If the Hogs can pull off the upset, we may see the same thing next week. Is it too late to hire Petrino? The battle for the Golden Boot always seems to be a crazy game. With two of the last four games ending in overtime and one on a last second 4th down touchdown, expectations are high for another barn burner. LSU’s defense has handled better offenses, but I think Petrino will put a few scores up to cover the spread.
Ark. 17
LSU 24
CB
Arks 22
LSU 28
EGM
Arky 21
LSU 22
Saturday, November 26, 2011
12:00pm
Georgia at Georgia Tech (+6)
ML
Even if Georgia can make it from their bus to the locker room without getting shot, they may still leave Atlanta battered and bloodied after this matchup of Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate. They will have to face coach Paul Johnson’s triple option and the Ramblin’ Wreck’s second ranked rushing attack. Somehow, Georgia has managed to win nine in a row. This is more of an indictment of the SEC East and UGA’s favorable scheduling against the west than a testament to the talent and coaching of this team. Because I hate Georgia, and I think their record is inflated by a ridiculously easy schedule, I’m taking Coach Johnson’s boys in an upset.
GA 21
GA Tech 24
CB
Go to Hell 27
Tech 24
EGM
UGA 28
Tech 31
12:15pm
Tennessee at Kentucky (+7.5)
CB
The game formerly known as the Battle for the Beer Barrel, now just the “Battle for the Barrel.” Over my tenure as a respected blog contributor, I have seen a lot of things, and most of them relate to the wussification of society. If you honestly think that the word “beer” is gonna cause anyone harm in this world, then the person who gets harmed and the person who is doing the censoring should be drown in an oaken bucket. Look, games like this are a reason this can get boring. These two teams are a combined 2-12 in the SEC and Kentucky is eliminated from going bowling. The Vols are in a position the Gators were in last week, in which they are desperately looking for a win to get invited to a second class postseason game. If this game and a few others work out, the SEC is looking to send 10 teams to bowl games and may have 5 teams with double digit wins. These two ‘bottom of the barrel’ teams (if you’ll pardon the pun) are terrible, but coming off a “huge” win against Vandy and the fact that Kentucky is just terrible you have to give the nod to the Vuls.
UT 24
Kentucky 10
EGM
Vols 21
KY 10
ML
Orange Beer 23
Blue Beer 10
3:30pm
Alabama at Auburn (+21)
EGM
The Iron Bowl seems to be right back where it was two years ago. Bama en route to a Nat’l Championship game and Auburn on their way to the Crap Bowl. I’m sure Auburn fans are still giddy from sandwiching a Nat’l Championship of their own in there, however, I doubt that championship dulls their passion for this game. Bama is clearly the better team and Auburn’s weak defense plays right into their conservative offensive gameplan. But the game from 2009 is still in the back of my mind and Gus Malzahn had Bama fans pretty nervous that day. I think Auburn will put together a similar performance with the best crowd in CFB behind them. Unfortunately for the Plainsmen and the rest of college football (who doesn’t want a rematch), they just don’t have enough in the tank to take down the king of grayshirting, Nick Saban.
Tide 17
Plainsmen 13
ML
Tide 24
Tigers 14
CB
Bama 35
Burned 17
Vanderbilt at Wake Forest (+1.5)
EGM
This game is actually intriguing because more often than not both teams seem to be pretty decent these days. For Wake Forest its harder to tell because they play in the hyper-average ACC, but still they have a great coach and a good scheme. As for Vandy, they have the best QB in the SEC and a semblance of an offense. In fact, this game might actually be a better matchup than UF-FSU…how the mighty have fallen.
Dores 24
Deacs 21
ML
Vanderdork 30
Wake 17
CB
Vander’s belt 26
Vake Foressht 21
7:00pm
Florida State at Florida (+2.5)
CB
The Bourbon Boys aren’t going away completely but, this rigid, structured, precise, serious selection and analysis of games is coming to an end; that being said, it is my pleasure to write about the last Gators game in this format…and what a game this can be! There is a nickname for this game but I don’t use it. Not because I don’t like it or whatever, but because I had never heard of it until the EA Sports video game “introduced me.” Anyways, I’m sure as you all know, records can be meaningless in this game unless there is some dynamic talent on the field (See: Charlie Ward/Warrick Dunn – 92, 93; Tebow et al – 06-09), but the beauty part of this year’s edition is that neither team looks like a seriously dominant foe. That means that regardless how shitty UF has looked, pretty much all year, they still have a chance because Newsflash: FSU is NOT back! The Criminoles lost at home to Virginia last week…I shouldn’t have to say anymore, but you know I will. Their QB is spastic and I am not impressed with the running game. However, their defense of course scares me and that’s where this game may be decided. The UF D has shown flashes of potential this year, but other times they look like their head coach is NOT a defensive guy. Someone please explain to me how Janoris Jenkins could have covered the entire defensive backfield if he wasn’t kicked off the team? He is one guy and we have plenty of craptastic play for which couldn’t be made up. I mean what the hell was Meyer doing when recruiting for our secondary? You’d think the least he could do was not recruit shitbox players even though he knew he was bouncing…Screw him. It would take longer than this little blurb for me to go into all the ups and (mostly) downs our offense has had this year…JB and Chris Demps (sic) are going to have to be ON this week as we can never rely on our WRs to make plays, however we did see a few touches of brilliance from Dre Debose (even thought apparently he sent out his cell number on a tweet last week). Anyways, this game has yet another Home Underdog this week, and you know what, sometimes you just have to say, what the fuck…
I Hate U 21
FLORIDA 24
EGM
Noles 31
Gators 10
ML
Noles 24
Gators 10
Ole Miss at Mississippi State (-17.5)
CB
Another name game, the Golden Egg. Its painfully obvious to anyone who doesn’t enjoy Ole Miss playing poorly…hell its obvious to everyone that Ole Miss shouldn’t stand a chance in this game. Houston Nutt, as opposed to getting his kids rally around him and the school during his lame duck second half of the season, has decided to mail it in like the horse’s ass he is. Scum. A conspiracy theorist could conclude that it was in fact Nutt’s firing that has caused the implosion of the Bourbon Boys as two of them have an unhealthy obsession with him…I’ll give you a hint, I AIN’T one of them.
Ole Miss 17
Mess State 24
EGM
Rebs 3
Dawgs 45
ML
Ole Piss 10
Piss St 31
7:45pm
Clemson at South Carolina (-4)
EGM
As usual, these teams are almost dead even. Neither one ever seems to get too much of talent advantage and more often than not the better team doesn’t win. That’s why I’m baffled by the 4+ points that the Cocks are favored by. Only one thing can explain it, Vegas likes Spurrier better than Clown Boy Dabo. Even with better QB play from Clemson, I happen to agree.
Tigers 17
Cocks 24
ML
Clemzzon 19
SC 17
CB
Clemzon 30
Sorth Cackalacky 31
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week XII
El Gran Mono
What a wonderful week of games to return to, and by wonderful, I mean terrible. Miss state v. Arkansas is the game of the week and that says it all.
Brew of the week:
Smithwick’s, best enjoyed in its hometown of Kilkenny.
Malt Licker
This week’s edition of the picks are being mailed in on a third class stamp. Third class like this week’s slate of games, or if you prefer, the Gators offense.
Cuzzin Bailey
I’ll be honest, I haven’t even thought about these games since we distributed the list, and look at them, can you blame me? Naw, I have been wrapped up in outside stuff: Sons of Anarchy, Thanksgiving, LEAVING Facebook…you know the usual. Yea, I took the reverse plunge on that one and it feels great. I hate how much exposure I have to people I haven’t seen in 10 years! That’s why I love the anonymity of twitter! Anyways look, this is the least exciting SEC week and that includes the usually interesting Ole Miss – LSU game. My cable is acting funny so I may not even see much of the Gators game this weekend until Breakfast with the Gators on Sunday morning. Alright, that is probably bullshit but it the fact that it’s a possibility should show you how little I care about these games. Do yourself a favor and root for the USA in the President’s Cup, show your freaking national pride! www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
12:00pm
Citadel at South Carolina (OFF)
ML
Whoooo!! What a Matchup!!! Militaristic rednecks vs. regular rednecks! If the Citadel can manage to do something the Gators couldn’t, contain the amazing running ability of Connor Shaw, then they might be able to keep this game within 50
The Fortress 3
Cocks 40
CB
Citadelettes 13
Sorth Cackalacky 33
EGM
Citadel 0
USC 55
12:21pm
Kentucky at Georgia (-30.5)
CB
Got one of the few all SEC matchups this weekend here! Here’s the rub…if UGA wins (likely) the scumbags from Athens are on their way to Atlanta. Let’s just talk about it like its inevitable because it freaking is, damnit. This makes me mad and happy at the same time, let me essplain: Mad b/c, shit, its our arch-rival who is “succeeding” in this bullshit terrible Division; I am happy though b/c of that same shittiness, it’s a pretty good damn guarantee that the Dawgs are gonna lose in the SECCG so that will be nice watching them get humiliated!
Kensucky 14
Jawja 34
EGM
KY 3
UGA 45
ML
UK 7
UGA 50
1:00pm
Furman at Florida (OFF)
CB
I was involved in a very interesting debate this week about what to do with Johnny Brantley for this game and the rest of the season. Do we keep riding the great Gator fan who stuck around through thick and thin (all kinds of weather etc), or is it a good idea to perhaps look to the future, see how Brissett handles a shitty team on our home turf? I was on the side of the future…I mean hell, let JB toss it around in the first quarter, but then plug in the kids to see what they can do and get their confidence up for FSU next weekend. This game sucks, as do they all…
Furman 7
FLORIDA 27
EGM
Palladins 2
Gators 3
ML
Purple Paladins 13
Gators 14
Georgia Southern at Alabama (OFF)
EGM
Thank goodness the NCAA permitted a 12th game for everyone. Otherwise this matchup would only take place in our head.
Georgia of the South 0
Bama 80
ML
GaSawth 0
Bama 60
CB
Ga Suthun 0
Bama 40
Samford at Auburn (OFF)
ML
I’m really glad the NCAA decided to add this extra week of games. It is so enthralling! Maybe they should do away with this week of games and spend the extra week monitoring each football programs anti-child rape safeguards. I don’t even know what Samford’s mascot is, and frankly, I don’t care. Let’s call them the Samford Smegma. I’d rather watch Jack and Jill in a theatre full of 8 year olds (as long as Sandusky isn’t lurking).
Go Smegs! 3
War Tigers 55
CB
Samford 10
Auburn 29
EGM
Terry Bowden Part I 10
Terry Bowden Part II 48
3:30pm
Mississippi State at Arkansas (-13)
EGM
Remember when everyone was calling Dan Mullen a genius and touting Miss State as a darkhorse conference contender? Those people should probably stop thinking of Florida as a major win and more of something that happens often. Because, oh yes, that pronouncement was based on the Miss State’s asswhooping of Mr Mom and the Non-talent Assclowns.
As for the game, Petrino would never allow a loss in this situation and smells an opportunity to tie for the conference title next week. I smell the hammer of Thor coming out.
Miss State 10
Arky 42
ML
MSU 14
Arkansas 31
CB
Miss Stizz 13
Arkansar 27
7:00pm
LSU at Ole Miss (+30)
ML
My one non “OFF Line” game of the week and it is this pile of drivel? I wouldn’t watch this game at gunpoint. You know your program is in trouble if the most well known person in your program is your currently-fired-yet-still-coaching head coach. If this were a lynching contest Ole Miss might be favored.
Tigers 34
Rebs 7
CB
LSU 32
Ole Miss 10
EGM
Tigers 35
Rebs 0
Vanderbilt at Tennessee (+1.5)
EGM
And this is what we have come to, Vandy being favored over Tennessee. The Dores have possibly the best QB in the league and he’s going to be around for awhile. As for Derek Dooley…not so much. How long before those orange pants are on a rack at Goodwill?
Dores 24
Vols 17
ML
Vandurp 24
Vowlz 20
CB
Vandersexxx (Eurotrip Reference) 20
InbredSexxx (Tennessee Reference) 17
What a wonderful week of games to return to, and by wonderful, I mean terrible. Miss state v. Arkansas is the game of the week and that says it all.
Brew of the week:
Smithwick’s, best enjoyed in its hometown of Kilkenny.
Malt Licker
This week’s edition of the picks are being mailed in on a third class stamp. Third class like this week’s slate of games, or if you prefer, the Gators offense.
Cuzzin Bailey
I’ll be honest, I haven’t even thought about these games since we distributed the list, and look at them, can you blame me? Naw, I have been wrapped up in outside stuff: Sons of Anarchy, Thanksgiving, LEAVING Facebook…you know the usual. Yea, I took the reverse plunge on that one and it feels great. I hate how much exposure I have to people I haven’t seen in 10 years! That’s why I love the anonymity of twitter! Anyways look, this is the least exciting SEC week and that includes the usually interesting Ole Miss – LSU game. My cable is acting funny so I may not even see much of the Gators game this weekend until Breakfast with the Gators on Sunday morning. Alright, that is probably bullshit but it the fact that it’s a possibility should show you how little I care about these games. Do yourself a favor and root for the USA in the President’s Cup, show your freaking national pride! www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
12:00pm
Citadel at South Carolina (OFF)
ML
Whoooo!! What a Matchup!!! Militaristic rednecks vs. regular rednecks! If the Citadel can manage to do something the Gators couldn’t, contain the amazing running ability of Connor Shaw, then they might be able to keep this game within 50
The Fortress 3
Cocks 40
CB
Citadelettes 13
Sorth Cackalacky 33
EGM
Citadel 0
USC 55
12:21pm
Kentucky at Georgia (-30.5)
CB
Got one of the few all SEC matchups this weekend here! Here’s the rub…if UGA wins (likely) the scumbags from Athens are on their way to Atlanta. Let’s just talk about it like its inevitable because it freaking is, damnit. This makes me mad and happy at the same time, let me essplain: Mad b/c, shit, its our arch-rival who is “succeeding” in this bullshit terrible Division; I am happy though b/c of that same shittiness, it’s a pretty good damn guarantee that the Dawgs are gonna lose in the SECCG so that will be nice watching them get humiliated!
Kensucky 14
Jawja 34
EGM
KY 3
UGA 45
ML
UK 7
UGA 50
1:00pm
Furman at Florida (OFF)
CB
I was involved in a very interesting debate this week about what to do with Johnny Brantley for this game and the rest of the season. Do we keep riding the great Gator fan who stuck around through thick and thin (all kinds of weather etc), or is it a good idea to perhaps look to the future, see how Brissett handles a shitty team on our home turf? I was on the side of the future…I mean hell, let JB toss it around in the first quarter, but then plug in the kids to see what they can do and get their confidence up for FSU next weekend. This game sucks, as do they all…
Furman 7
FLORIDA 27
EGM
Palladins 2
Gators 3
ML
Purple Paladins 13
Gators 14
Georgia Southern at Alabama (OFF)
EGM
Thank goodness the NCAA permitted a 12th game for everyone. Otherwise this matchup would only take place in our head.
Georgia of the South 0
Bama 80
ML
GaSawth 0
Bama 60
CB
Ga Suthun 0
Bama 40
Samford at Auburn (OFF)
ML
I’m really glad the NCAA decided to add this extra week of games. It is so enthralling! Maybe they should do away with this week of games and spend the extra week monitoring each football programs anti-child rape safeguards. I don’t even know what Samford’s mascot is, and frankly, I don’t care. Let’s call them the Samford Smegma. I’d rather watch Jack and Jill in a theatre full of 8 year olds (as long as Sandusky isn’t lurking).
Go Smegs! 3
War Tigers 55
CB
Samford 10
Auburn 29
EGM
Terry Bowden Part I 10
Terry Bowden Part II 48
3:30pm
Mississippi State at Arkansas (-13)
EGM
Remember when everyone was calling Dan Mullen a genius and touting Miss State as a darkhorse conference contender? Those people should probably stop thinking of Florida as a major win and more of something that happens often. Because, oh yes, that pronouncement was based on the Miss State’s asswhooping of Mr Mom and the Non-talent Assclowns.
As for the game, Petrino would never allow a loss in this situation and smells an opportunity to tie for the conference title next week. I smell the hammer of Thor coming out.
Miss State 10
Arky 42
ML
MSU 14
Arkansas 31
CB
Miss Stizz 13
Arkansar 27
7:00pm
LSU at Ole Miss (+30)
ML
My one non “OFF Line” game of the week and it is this pile of drivel? I wouldn’t watch this game at gunpoint. You know your program is in trouble if the most well known person in your program is your currently-fired-yet-still-coaching head coach. If this were a lynching contest Ole Miss might be favored.
Tigers 34
Rebs 7
CB
LSU 32
Ole Miss 10
EGM
Tigers 35
Rebs 0
Vanderbilt at Tennessee (+1.5)
EGM
And this is what we have come to, Vandy being favored over Tennessee. The Dores have possibly the best QB in the league and he’s going to be around for awhile. As for Derek Dooley…not so much. How long before those orange pants are on a rack at Goodwill?
Dores 24
Vols 17
ML
Vandurp 24
Vowlz 20
CB
Vandersexxx (Eurotrip Reference) 20
InbredSexxx (Tennessee Reference) 17
Friday, November 11, 2011
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week XI
Malt Licker
So there are football programs out there with more reason to be embarrassed than the Gators? I like to think of myself as a contrarian. I make light of devastating tornados, hurricanes, tsunamis, black holes, gamma ray bursts and other catastrophes in this crazy universe. But sexual abuse of little boys is something that even I will not joke about. However, I am always interested in the reaction of the Facebook/Twitter-verse. Especially folks calling for everyone’s head, including those, like Joe-Pa, who are not subject to a criminal indictment. None of us know how McQueary framed the alleged incident to Paterno, yet the vast majority of people are unwilling to extend Joe-Pa the benefit of the doubt. I’ve seen some people even suggest that Penn State should cancel this week’s game, or the rest of the season. What would that accomplish? Do we need to take drastic measures to prove that we all think raping little boys is bad? I get the impression that some people will not be satisfied unless PSU revokes every football scholarship Paterno granted and tears down Beaver Stadium brick-by-brick. However, I would like to congratulate the OWS crowd for no longer being considered the stupidest protesters of the year.
Cuzzin Bailey
Look, I know what’s going on, I’m watching that movie “Devil” right now and it has inspired me to take responsibility for what I’m doing. I SUCK at picking games. I am the reason they invented the phrase “for entertainment purposes only.” No one should ever take my advice (not that yall did in the first place). In the spirit of Tommy Boy, let me give you the reasons why I suck as a handicapper: 1) I don’t do any research: everything I say is off the cuff and all of my facts are made up, butchered from another source, or half observed, which leads to my next point; 2) I watch most games in a drunken stupor: These facts or tidbits are just things I have heard Gary Daniels, Verne Lundquist, or (gasp) Andre Ware say and should be taken with a grain of salt; 3) I am a huge homer: not only do I blindly root for the Gators, but I have other teams in my arsenal that would like to do well. I have an agenda ladies and gentlemen and that clouds my judgment, a lot. 4) I usually write this thing while neck deep in a movie or a TV show. I think one year I actually picked a few teams to “push.” While this is entirely possible, it can be a long shot when you're picking against the spread like us.
Anyways, I went to Gainesville last weekend with my wife and we had a great time watching the Gators snap that losing streak, but were disappointed by the LSU victory. Homer statement.
Oh yea, I got through this entire opening without talking about Penn State. Annnnnnd since I just ruined that, I might as well say my piece: Kid’s getting “abused” like that is horrific; JoePa had very little to do with it, but b/c he didn’t do absolutely everything he could and the fact that the Board of Trustees had it out for him, the decision to fire him in the season was easy for them; finally, if guilty, Jerry Sandusky will rot in hell, and if prison justice is an actual thing, we’ll be hearing about it. That’s about it, I actually don’t have an agenda here, it’s a tragedy and I hope those students who “rioted” don’t get jobs b/c they are sheep-lemmings looking for attention. Oh, shit! I almost forgot to plug my twitter account: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
Hello, from the Southwest Coast of Ireland. I managed to see 1Q of the “game of the century” and it was exactly as expected. Two shite offenses getting shut downs by dominant defenses. I was glad to see the Gators didn’t lose to Vandy. I’m also glad I didn’t see it.
Brew of the Week: Steinlager Pure, enjoyed a number of these at a Kiwi restaurant on the Antrim Coast. It needs to come back to the US soon, if only for me to enjoy.
12:00pm
Florida at South Carolina (-3.5)
CB
In sticking with the fine tradition of famous homers, I would like to tell you how the Gators are gonna kick some serious ass this weekend! We haven’t won back to back games since Tennessee and Kentucky. Don’t let their 1-9 combined SEC records fool you, those were tough teams with a lot to prove (of course they failed at that whole-heartedly). South Cackalacky needs to win this weekend and hope that the trashbag Georgia Bulldogs can at least split their last two SEC games. If the Gators win this week, USC will have 3 conference losses and the Cocks will need Jawja to lose both. So in true homer fashion, let me explain that while we have touched bottom this year, having Johnny Brantley back is such a breath of fresh air. Our defense has been playing poorly late (perfect, I know), but without a QB that’s 100% and their best RB USCe is very vulnerable. Oh yea, I would like to say “Thank you” and “Screw you” to Spurrier. If you know me at all, you’ll know why. Huge Gators win here, lock it up!
FLORIDA 24
Cawks 21
EGM
Cocks 28
Gators 17
ML
Spurrier 24
Muschamp 14
12:21pm
Kentucky at Vanderbilt (-13)
CB
With El Gran Mono doing the bare minimum, we are getting stuck with this gutter trash. I love both towns these teams come from so I can’t be a total hater this week. The Wildcats are going to lose this game. That’s a fact, but by how much is what you’re really wondering. I think Aaron Rodgers lil’ brother is going to completely decimate this Kentucky team. Book it.
Kensuck 13
Vander 49
EGM
KY 10
Vandy 31
ML
Wildcats 10
Commodores 28
3:30pm
Auburn at Georgia (-13)
ML
I saw the ESPN documentary Roll Tide/War Eagle this week. Is there a bigger loser than Harvey Updyke? (Any questions like this implicitly contain the preface “other than Jerry Sandusky”). Way to go with that tree poisoning redneck. Anyway, I did not know that Auburn and ‘Bama refused to play for decades due to some petty grievance. It is nice to know that some things never change. Speaking of things never changing, Georgia still sucks, but could still be the Eastern sacrificial lamb in Atlanta this December. It’s difficult to believe that both of these teams are ranked. Is it me or is the level of play in college football this year a lot worse than in year’s past? Maybe I should start watching more games that don’t involve the Gators. It is clouding my judgment. I know Auburn stinks, but should they really be a 13 point underdog? I feel like they will pick off a couple Murray passes to keep this game close.
Kittys 19
Puppys 27
CB
Aubarn 14
Georgah 24
EGM
Plainsmen 10
UGA 21
6:00pm
Tennessee at Arkansas (-14)
ML
Speaking of child molesters, Bobby Petrino has his Hawgs stealthily in the hunt for a BCS bid. The matchup against LSU looms large as Arkansas makes its way through the underporkbelly of their schedule. Without Tyler Bray, Tennessee has no chance.
Vols 13
Hawgs 34
CB
Vuls 16
Arkansas 33
EGM
Vols 13
Arky 34
7:00pm
Western Kentucky at LSU (-41.5)
EGM
Team of the Century with Jarrett Lee and JJeff at the helm? The pundits might want to think that through.
WKU 0
LSU 58
ML
Hilltoppers 0
Tigers 38
CB
WKU 3
LSU 48
7:30pm
Louisiana Tech at Ole Miss (+2)
ML
When you are a home underdog against Louisiana Tech and it is not against the Lady Techsters, it might be time to fire your coach. Ole Miss took care of this last week and will send Nutt packing at the end of the year. It’s hard to believe that such a dynamic personality and handsome southern gent is not a better recruiter. If Ole Miss could fuse Ed Orgeron and Houston Nutt into one coach named Edston Nuteron, they would be unstoppable! At least they have a lame mascot.
Techsters 10
Nutters 11
CB
La-Tech 14
Ole Miss 17
EGM
Lady Techsters 10
Ole Miss 13
7:45pm
Alabama at Mississippi State (+18)
CB
Ugh, what an awful way/place to come back after such a devastating loss. I really over estimated Bama’s ability to move the ball on LSU last week. In fact that pick of mine has sent me in a tailspin of emotional trauma. The freaking final was 9-6 in OVERTIME and while it was the Tide’s game to lose (they missed 4 FGs), it wasn’t like they were going to kill the Tigers. I guess the only cure for such heart break is playing a team like Mississippi State. But like I said, the environment is going to be tough to get up for here. Most of the kids in the SEC have only seen stadiums smaller in high school, and that can be a real shock. Hopefully for Bama’s sake this won’t keep them down for too long, I’m sure they just want to get back on the field and regroup.
Bama 38
Miss Stizzle 10
EGM
Bama 41
Miss State 7
ML
‘Bama 30
MSU 10
So there are football programs out there with more reason to be embarrassed than the Gators? I like to think of myself as a contrarian. I make light of devastating tornados, hurricanes, tsunamis, black holes, gamma ray bursts and other catastrophes in this crazy universe. But sexual abuse of little boys is something that even I will not joke about. However, I am always interested in the reaction of the Facebook/Twitter-verse. Especially folks calling for everyone’s head, including those, like Joe-Pa, who are not subject to a criminal indictment. None of us know how McQueary framed the alleged incident to Paterno, yet the vast majority of people are unwilling to extend Joe-Pa the benefit of the doubt. I’ve seen some people even suggest that Penn State should cancel this week’s game, or the rest of the season. What would that accomplish? Do we need to take drastic measures to prove that we all think raping little boys is bad? I get the impression that some people will not be satisfied unless PSU revokes every football scholarship Paterno granted and tears down Beaver Stadium brick-by-brick. However, I would like to congratulate the OWS crowd for no longer being considered the stupidest protesters of the year.
Cuzzin Bailey
Look, I know what’s going on, I’m watching that movie “Devil” right now and it has inspired me to take responsibility for what I’m doing. I SUCK at picking games. I am the reason they invented the phrase “for entertainment purposes only.” No one should ever take my advice (not that yall did in the first place). In the spirit of Tommy Boy, let me give you the reasons why I suck as a handicapper: 1) I don’t do any research: everything I say is off the cuff and all of my facts are made up, butchered from another source, or half observed, which leads to my next point; 2) I watch most games in a drunken stupor: These facts or tidbits are just things I have heard Gary Daniels, Verne Lundquist, or (gasp) Andre Ware say and should be taken with a grain of salt; 3) I am a huge homer: not only do I blindly root for the Gators, but I have other teams in my arsenal that would like to do well. I have an agenda ladies and gentlemen and that clouds my judgment, a lot. 4) I usually write this thing while neck deep in a movie or a TV show. I think one year I actually picked a few teams to “push.” While this is entirely possible, it can be a long shot when you're picking against the spread like us.
Anyways, I went to Gainesville last weekend with my wife and we had a great time watching the Gators snap that losing streak, but were disappointed by the LSU victory. Homer statement.
Oh yea, I got through this entire opening without talking about Penn State. Annnnnnd since I just ruined that, I might as well say my piece: Kid’s getting “abused” like that is horrific; JoePa had very little to do with it, but b/c he didn’t do absolutely everything he could and the fact that the Board of Trustees had it out for him, the decision to fire him in the season was easy for them; finally, if guilty, Jerry Sandusky will rot in hell, and if prison justice is an actual thing, we’ll be hearing about it. That’s about it, I actually don’t have an agenda here, it’s a tragedy and I hope those students who “rioted” don’t get jobs b/c they are sheep-lemmings looking for attention. Oh, shit! I almost forgot to plug my twitter account: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
Hello, from the Southwest Coast of Ireland. I managed to see 1Q of the “game of the century” and it was exactly as expected. Two shite offenses getting shut downs by dominant defenses. I was glad to see the Gators didn’t lose to Vandy. I’m also glad I didn’t see it.
Brew of the Week: Steinlager Pure, enjoyed a number of these at a Kiwi restaurant on the Antrim Coast. It needs to come back to the US soon, if only for me to enjoy.
12:00pm
Florida at South Carolina (-3.5)
CB
In sticking with the fine tradition of famous homers, I would like to tell you how the Gators are gonna kick some serious ass this weekend! We haven’t won back to back games since Tennessee and Kentucky. Don’t let their 1-9 combined SEC records fool you, those were tough teams with a lot to prove (of course they failed at that whole-heartedly). South Cackalacky needs to win this weekend and hope that the trashbag Georgia Bulldogs can at least split their last two SEC games. If the Gators win this week, USC will have 3 conference losses and the Cocks will need Jawja to lose both. So in true homer fashion, let me explain that while we have touched bottom this year, having Johnny Brantley back is such a breath of fresh air. Our defense has been playing poorly late (perfect, I know), but without a QB that’s 100% and their best RB USCe is very vulnerable. Oh yea, I would like to say “Thank you” and “Screw you” to Spurrier. If you know me at all, you’ll know why. Huge Gators win here, lock it up!
FLORIDA 24
Cawks 21
EGM
Cocks 28
Gators 17
ML
Spurrier 24
Muschamp 14
12:21pm
Kentucky at Vanderbilt (-13)
CB
With El Gran Mono doing the bare minimum, we are getting stuck with this gutter trash. I love both towns these teams come from so I can’t be a total hater this week. The Wildcats are going to lose this game. That’s a fact, but by how much is what you’re really wondering. I think Aaron Rodgers lil’ brother is going to completely decimate this Kentucky team. Book it.
Kensuck 13
Vander 49
EGM
KY 10
Vandy 31
ML
Wildcats 10
Commodores 28
3:30pm
Auburn at Georgia (-13)
ML
I saw the ESPN documentary Roll Tide/War Eagle this week. Is there a bigger loser than Harvey Updyke? (Any questions like this implicitly contain the preface “other than Jerry Sandusky”). Way to go with that tree poisoning redneck. Anyway, I did not know that Auburn and ‘Bama refused to play for decades due to some petty grievance. It is nice to know that some things never change. Speaking of things never changing, Georgia still sucks, but could still be the Eastern sacrificial lamb in Atlanta this December. It’s difficult to believe that both of these teams are ranked. Is it me or is the level of play in college football this year a lot worse than in year’s past? Maybe I should start watching more games that don’t involve the Gators. It is clouding my judgment. I know Auburn stinks, but should they really be a 13 point underdog? I feel like they will pick off a couple Murray passes to keep this game close.
Kittys 19
Puppys 27
CB
Aubarn 14
Georgah 24
EGM
Plainsmen 10
UGA 21
6:00pm
Tennessee at Arkansas (-14)
ML
Speaking of child molesters, Bobby Petrino has his Hawgs stealthily in the hunt for a BCS bid. The matchup against LSU looms large as Arkansas makes its way through the underporkbelly of their schedule. Without Tyler Bray, Tennessee has no chance.
Vols 13
Hawgs 34
CB
Vuls 16
Arkansas 33
EGM
Vols 13
Arky 34
7:00pm
Western Kentucky at LSU (-41.5)
EGM
Team of the Century with Jarrett Lee and JJeff at the helm? The pundits might want to think that through.
WKU 0
LSU 58
ML
Hilltoppers 0
Tigers 38
CB
WKU 3
LSU 48
7:30pm
Louisiana Tech at Ole Miss (+2)
ML
When you are a home underdog against Louisiana Tech and it is not against the Lady Techsters, it might be time to fire your coach. Ole Miss took care of this last week and will send Nutt packing at the end of the year. It’s hard to believe that such a dynamic personality and handsome southern gent is not a better recruiter. If Ole Miss could fuse Ed Orgeron and Houston Nutt into one coach named Edston Nuteron, they would be unstoppable! At least they have a lame mascot.
Techsters 10
Nutters 11
CB
La-Tech 14
Ole Miss 17
EGM
Lady Techsters 10
Ole Miss 13
7:45pm
Alabama at Mississippi State (+18)
CB
Ugh, what an awful way/place to come back after such a devastating loss. I really over estimated Bama’s ability to move the ball on LSU last week. In fact that pick of mine has sent me in a tailspin of emotional trauma. The freaking final was 9-6 in OVERTIME and while it was the Tide’s game to lose (they missed 4 FGs), it wasn’t like they were going to kill the Tigers. I guess the only cure for such heart break is playing a team like Mississippi State. But like I said, the environment is going to be tough to get up for here. Most of the kids in the SEC have only seen stadiums smaller in high school, and that can be a real shock. Hopefully for Bama’s sake this won’t keep them down for too long, I’m sure they just want to get back on the field and regroup.
Bama 38
Miss Stizzle 10
EGM
Bama 41
Miss State 7
ML
‘Bama 30
MSU 10
Friday, November 04, 2011
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week X
Cuzzin Bailey
Look, I was right to have a good feeling last week, regardless of the outcome. In every way, it seemed as though the gods wanted us to win, yet somehow the Gators pulled a Jawga and came up lame. I get that we only score one offensive TD and gave up 3, but other than two perfectly placed 4th down touchdown passes…alright, I’ll stop. Basically we suck this year, and here is my plea: If you are at all close to jumping off the bandwagon, complete the jump. As I saw on twitter this week, this will be a good year to “trim the fat” of the folks that jumped on during our heyday (06-09). As frustrated with Gators as I have been, I’m still positive about the future and the direction that Muschamp is planning on taking us; those who are ‘done’ with UF aren’t welcome anyways. Look, if the football team isn’t one of the top 2 reasons you are applying to or want your kid to go to Florida, do us all a favor and send him/her to Harvard (they will accept our scraps). This made sense when I started writing it a few days ago. Anyways, this weekend the Bourbon wife and I are heading up to Gainesville for the Vandy game thanks to some friends of ours who recently got engaged (in Jacksonville last weekend, hardcore Gators), and Gator Growl courtesy of past BBOYS contributor the Dinner Cruise Gambler. Heed my warnings, if you only peripherally care about the Gators do yourself and everyone here a favor get a haircut and dust off your FSU shirt you wore in the 90s. For more nonsense: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
Malt Licker
I must say I am quite envious of El Gran Mono. Not only is he currently basking in the overcast skies of the Emerald Isle, he is virtually assured of missing this week’s throttling of his alma mater by the Vanderbilt Commodores. It should be considered an act of war to allow broadcasts featuring this pathetic Gators football team to cross into foreign airwaves. This year’s team makes last year’s team look semi-competent . I’d rather spend three hours watching Kirstie Alley and Roseanne Barr try to shoehorn themselves into Charlie Weis’ coaching gear, than witness another illegal-procedure-riddled debacle. Did you know we lead the country in penalties per game? Does John Brantley know that letting the play clock run own to “0” equals a five yard penalty? Unfortunately, because I’m a fan, I will be forced to subject myself to the torture scheduled for 12:20. There are only two interesting SEC matchups this week, one of them being the latest game of the century. Remember when we played in those? Naturally, the other interesting game, USC/Arky is on at just about the same time. At least the dial will be clear for the thrilling matchup between Ole Miss and Kentucky!
El Gran Mono
Greetings from Dublin! If you guessed that I am writing this at my hotel bar that overlooks a medieval cathedral then you are right. I might be the only college football fan in the universe that probably won’t be watching the game of the century tomorrow. However, chances are I will still be awake at midnight and taking down a pint with the Antrim Coast in the background so maybe it will be on. My take on the game, Nick Saban runs a more disciplined ship than Les Miles. In a game of equals, I’ll take the team that doesn’t try something stupid. Advantage Bama. As for the Gators, losing to a bad Georgia team is strike two for Will Muschamp and you only get three strikes in my world.
Brew of the week: Kilkenny Irish Ale. Goes down great with nice piece of roasted lamb. Cheers!
12:21pm
Vanderbilt at Florida (-13.5)
ML
I hope Gator Growl is fun and the weather is nice, everything else that weekend will suck. For those of you who haven’t been to Gville in a while (ahem CB) you might notice that the quality of our co-eds is beginning to look positively Duke-ian. Some in the media are wondering why our student section is not filling up like in year’s past. The answer is simple. More and more of our students are named Mei, Li, Ting and Monsoor and would rather spend a Saturday afternoon at Chem Lab than getting drunk and watching sub-par football. Job well done Bernie! You used to be able to differentiate between Vanderdorks and UF students. Now they are one and the same. Can you believe we are almost a two touchdown favorite? Has anyone watched this team play? We’re a joke. We have no identity on offense and no one that can catch the football on either side of the ball. Let’s continue to play 5th year seniors with no talent instead of our young guys. That is quite a recipe for success and improvement. I’d like to thank Urban Meyer for recruiting a bunch of no-talent ass clowns on offense. Is there anyone on that side of the ball, other than a healthy Demps, who would see regular playing time on a top 10 team? What a disgrace. Why would Urban recruit a lead footed drop back QB for his spread offense anyway? Vanderbilt is actually sort of not terrible this year. I wouldn’t bet on these Gators if we were getting two TDs. Take the Commodores to the bank!
Vander-dork 24
Gators 4
EGM
Florida 21
Vandy 17
CB
Nerds 13
GATORS 28
12:30pm
New Mexico State at Georgia (-32.5)
ML
Oh wow we’re Georgia!!! Congratulations!!! Tremendous victory! You beat the worst UF football team since Galen Hall, barely. If we had cornerbacks who could find and knock down a football, Mark pRicht would have “For Sale” signs on his front lawn. This may end up working out. Hopefully, Machen’s cohort in temperance, Mike Adams, will lock him in for another five years, which will allow the coach who replaces Muschamp a chance to get a couple easy wins.
NMSU 3
Fuck GA 50
EGM
NMSU 3
UGA 51
CB
Old Mehico 13
Cheaters 44
3:30pm
Ole Miss at Kentucky (+1.5)
CB
Just read that one of these teams has the worst defense in the SEC and the other has the worst offense in the league. It would probably help to know which was which huh? Well let’s just use some logic here. Kentucky can’t score, therefore they lose a lot. Ole Miss can’t stop anyone, therefore they lose a lot. But the rebs CAN put points on the board. This is a no-brainer…ish
Ole Miss 22
Ol’ Kats 13
ML
Ole Piss 14
Ole Bluegrass 17
EGM
Black Bears 17
KY 10
7:00pm
Middle Tennessee State at Tennessee (-20.5)
EGM
I really enjoy the name “Blue Raiders”. With a name like that MTSU needs a better mascot. Maybe a crazy alien or something. Their team sucks so they should probably think outside the box.
UT took the redshirt off their stud recruit last week and the result was 3 points. I’d say that’s a disappointing start but as a Gator fan I don’t have any room to talk. This game breaks down as a bad team against a worse team. Watch at gunpoint only.
MTSU 10
Vols 34
CB
MTSU 13
UT 35
ML
MTSU 0
UT 40
7:15pm
South Carolina at Arkansas (-5)
EGM
This game is getting no coverage despite both teams sporting high rankings. However, I think everyone knows both teams are a little overrated and are due for a loss at any moment. Arkansas continues to play catchup constantly and the Cocks don’t have a capable QB or RB on their roster. Sounds like a clash of two top ten teams right?
I like the Arkansas offense a lot more than the Cock defense so I’ll take the Hawgs to cover and win.
Cocks 20
Hawgs 27
CB
Cawks 17
Hawgs 27
ML
Cocks 20
Hawgs 30
7:30pm
UT-Martin at Mississippi State (OFF)
CB
This is curse of having the first pick during a week with an uneven amount of games. This game not only means a little to me as possible, but it also has zero implications on anything. If I were an MSU Dawg alum, I would prefer my “Homecoming game” was played away.
UT- MAHTIN! 2
Dirty West Dogs 40
ML
UT-M 6
MSU 50
EGM
UT Martin 3
Miss State 49
8:00pm
LSU at Alabama (-4.5)
CB
I’m not going to bore you as to why this is the game of the week, because this is more like the game of the year. Both teams: are highly ranked in offensive and defensive categories nationally; both coaches have won a national championship in the last 4 years; both coaches have won national championships AT LSU; the game will definitively decide who is Number 1 come Monday. The only thing we as humble SEC second class citizens can hope is that whoever wins this game is the true team b/c a loss down the road by the winner could send the South into a tailspin of pain having to watch another conference hold up the BCS trophy. LSU’s defense is great they are only matched by Alabama. Alabama’s offense (especially late, when it matters) is matched by the Tigers. If we’re talking QBs, LSU’s two headed monster of Jefferson and Lee (sounds like some snooty college up in the Sorth (sic)), would probably have the advantage, but the thing about Nick Saban’s offenses aren’t that he has some superstar quarterback running the show, but that he has a capable dude back there who doesn’t screw up. That’s what Bama has in AJ McCarron, and aside from that ‘God’-awful tattoo he has on his chest, he displays pretty good judgment. (Now speaking as a Gator fan, I certainly didn’t enjoy his crowd-mocking gestures at the swamp all those weeks ago, but shit, we have bigger things to worry about). But this is all beating around the bush now. The big deal is whether or not Bama can unleash Trent “For Real Man” Richardson. Behind that huge offensive line, the Tide’s leading rusher has put up Heisman like numbers and he big question is whether or not he can continue the trend against the crawfish-fed coonasses of LSU. I think a combination of Bama’s defense and the fact that TR will be able to find holes Saturday night with enough frequency to pull (slightly) away late in the game. Look, LSU hasn’t had to rely on any of its tricks/luck of the past, I call for that to change, Les is gonna get crazy for some reason but watch for it NOT be the difference. After the game I predict a full on meltdown by the Grasseater. Get him OUTTA HERE!
L-Es-U 19
Bama 24
ML
Katrina Refugees 16
Tornado Refugees 14
EGM
LSU 13
Bama 14
Auburn – BYE WEEK
Look, I was right to have a good feeling last week, regardless of the outcome. In every way, it seemed as though the gods wanted us to win, yet somehow the Gators pulled a Jawga and came up lame. I get that we only score one offensive TD and gave up 3, but other than two perfectly placed 4th down touchdown passes…alright, I’ll stop. Basically we suck this year, and here is my plea: If you are at all close to jumping off the bandwagon, complete the jump. As I saw on twitter this week, this will be a good year to “trim the fat” of the folks that jumped on during our heyday (06-09). As frustrated with Gators as I have been, I’m still positive about the future and the direction that Muschamp is planning on taking us; those who are ‘done’ with UF aren’t welcome anyways. Look, if the football team isn’t one of the top 2 reasons you are applying to or want your kid to go to Florida, do us all a favor and send him/her to Harvard (they will accept our scraps). This made sense when I started writing it a few days ago. Anyways, this weekend the Bourbon wife and I are heading up to Gainesville for the Vandy game thanks to some friends of ours who recently got engaged (in Jacksonville last weekend, hardcore Gators), and Gator Growl courtesy of past BBOYS contributor the Dinner Cruise Gambler. Heed my warnings, if you only peripherally care about the Gators do yourself and everyone here a favor get a haircut and dust off your FSU shirt you wore in the 90s. For more nonsense: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
Malt Licker
I must say I am quite envious of El Gran Mono. Not only is he currently basking in the overcast skies of the Emerald Isle, he is virtually assured of missing this week’s throttling of his alma mater by the Vanderbilt Commodores. It should be considered an act of war to allow broadcasts featuring this pathetic Gators football team to cross into foreign airwaves. This year’s team makes last year’s team look semi-competent . I’d rather spend three hours watching Kirstie Alley and Roseanne Barr try to shoehorn themselves into Charlie Weis’ coaching gear, than witness another illegal-procedure-riddled debacle. Did you know we lead the country in penalties per game? Does John Brantley know that letting the play clock run own to “0” equals a five yard penalty? Unfortunately, because I’m a fan, I will be forced to subject myself to the torture scheduled for 12:20. There are only two interesting SEC matchups this week, one of them being the latest game of the century. Remember when we played in those? Naturally, the other interesting game, USC/Arky is on at just about the same time. At least the dial will be clear for the thrilling matchup between Ole Miss and Kentucky!
El Gran Mono
Greetings from Dublin! If you guessed that I am writing this at my hotel bar that overlooks a medieval cathedral then you are right. I might be the only college football fan in the universe that probably won’t be watching the game of the century tomorrow. However, chances are I will still be awake at midnight and taking down a pint with the Antrim Coast in the background so maybe it will be on. My take on the game, Nick Saban runs a more disciplined ship than Les Miles. In a game of equals, I’ll take the team that doesn’t try something stupid. Advantage Bama. As for the Gators, losing to a bad Georgia team is strike two for Will Muschamp and you only get three strikes in my world.
Brew of the week: Kilkenny Irish Ale. Goes down great with nice piece of roasted lamb. Cheers!
12:21pm
Vanderbilt at Florida (-13.5)
ML
I hope Gator Growl is fun and the weather is nice, everything else that weekend will suck. For those of you who haven’t been to Gville in a while (ahem CB) you might notice that the quality of our co-eds is beginning to look positively Duke-ian. Some in the media are wondering why our student section is not filling up like in year’s past. The answer is simple. More and more of our students are named Mei, Li, Ting and Monsoor and would rather spend a Saturday afternoon at Chem Lab than getting drunk and watching sub-par football. Job well done Bernie! You used to be able to differentiate between Vanderdorks and UF students. Now they are one and the same. Can you believe we are almost a two touchdown favorite? Has anyone watched this team play? We’re a joke. We have no identity on offense and no one that can catch the football on either side of the ball. Let’s continue to play 5th year seniors with no talent instead of our young guys. That is quite a recipe for success and improvement. I’d like to thank Urban Meyer for recruiting a bunch of no-talent ass clowns on offense. Is there anyone on that side of the ball, other than a healthy Demps, who would see regular playing time on a top 10 team? What a disgrace. Why would Urban recruit a lead footed drop back QB for his spread offense anyway? Vanderbilt is actually sort of not terrible this year. I wouldn’t bet on these Gators if we were getting two TDs. Take the Commodores to the bank!
Vander-dork 24
Gators 4
EGM
Florida 21
Vandy 17
CB
Nerds 13
GATORS 28
12:30pm
New Mexico State at Georgia (-32.5)
ML
Oh wow we’re Georgia!!! Congratulations!!! Tremendous victory! You beat the worst UF football team since Galen Hall, barely. If we had cornerbacks who could find and knock down a football, Mark pRicht would have “For Sale” signs on his front lawn. This may end up working out. Hopefully, Machen’s cohort in temperance, Mike Adams, will lock him in for another five years, which will allow the coach who replaces Muschamp a chance to get a couple easy wins.
NMSU 3
Fuck GA 50
EGM
NMSU 3
UGA 51
CB
Old Mehico 13
Cheaters 44
3:30pm
Ole Miss at Kentucky (+1.5)
CB
Just read that one of these teams has the worst defense in the SEC and the other has the worst offense in the league. It would probably help to know which was which huh? Well let’s just use some logic here. Kentucky can’t score, therefore they lose a lot. Ole Miss can’t stop anyone, therefore they lose a lot. But the rebs CAN put points on the board. This is a no-brainer…ish
Ole Miss 22
Ol’ Kats 13
ML
Ole Piss 14
Ole Bluegrass 17
EGM
Black Bears 17
KY 10
7:00pm
Middle Tennessee State at Tennessee (-20.5)
EGM
I really enjoy the name “Blue Raiders”. With a name like that MTSU needs a better mascot. Maybe a crazy alien or something. Their team sucks so they should probably think outside the box.
UT took the redshirt off their stud recruit last week and the result was 3 points. I’d say that’s a disappointing start but as a Gator fan I don’t have any room to talk. This game breaks down as a bad team against a worse team. Watch at gunpoint only.
MTSU 10
Vols 34
CB
MTSU 13
UT 35
ML
MTSU 0
UT 40
7:15pm
South Carolina at Arkansas (-5)
EGM
This game is getting no coverage despite both teams sporting high rankings. However, I think everyone knows both teams are a little overrated and are due for a loss at any moment. Arkansas continues to play catchup constantly and the Cocks don’t have a capable QB or RB on their roster. Sounds like a clash of two top ten teams right?
I like the Arkansas offense a lot more than the Cock defense so I’ll take the Hawgs to cover and win.
Cocks 20
Hawgs 27
CB
Cawks 17
Hawgs 27
ML
Cocks 20
Hawgs 30
7:30pm
UT-Martin at Mississippi State (OFF)
CB
This is curse of having the first pick during a week with an uneven amount of games. This game not only means a little to me as possible, but it also has zero implications on anything. If I were an MSU Dawg alum, I would prefer my “Homecoming game” was played away.
UT- MAHTIN! 2
Dirty West Dogs 40
ML
UT-M 6
MSU 50
EGM
UT Martin 3
Miss State 49
8:00pm
LSU at Alabama (-4.5)
CB
I’m not going to bore you as to why this is the game of the week, because this is more like the game of the year. Both teams: are highly ranked in offensive and defensive categories nationally; both coaches have won a national championship in the last 4 years; both coaches have won national championships AT LSU; the game will definitively decide who is Number 1 come Monday. The only thing we as humble SEC second class citizens can hope is that whoever wins this game is the true team b/c a loss down the road by the winner could send the South into a tailspin of pain having to watch another conference hold up the BCS trophy. LSU’s defense is great they are only matched by Alabama. Alabama’s offense (especially late, when it matters) is matched by the Tigers. If we’re talking QBs, LSU’s two headed monster of Jefferson and Lee (sounds like some snooty college up in the Sorth (sic)), would probably have the advantage, but the thing about Nick Saban’s offenses aren’t that he has some superstar quarterback running the show, but that he has a capable dude back there who doesn’t screw up. That’s what Bama has in AJ McCarron, and aside from that ‘God’-awful tattoo he has on his chest, he displays pretty good judgment. (Now speaking as a Gator fan, I certainly didn’t enjoy his crowd-mocking gestures at the swamp all those weeks ago, but shit, we have bigger things to worry about). But this is all beating around the bush now. The big deal is whether or not Bama can unleash Trent “For Real Man” Richardson. Behind that huge offensive line, the Tide’s leading rusher has put up Heisman like numbers and he big question is whether or not he can continue the trend against the crawfish-fed coonasses of LSU. I think a combination of Bama’s defense and the fact that TR will be able to find holes Saturday night with enough frequency to pull (slightly) away late in the game. Look, LSU hasn’t had to rely on any of its tricks/luck of the past, I call for that to change, Les is gonna get crazy for some reason but watch for it NOT be the difference. After the game I predict a full on meltdown by the Grasseater. Get him OUTTA HERE!
L-Es-U 19
Bama 24
ML
Katrina Refugees 16
Tornado Refugees 14
EGM
LSU 13
Bama 14
Auburn – BYE WEEK
Friday, October 28, 2011
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week IX
Malt Licker
Wasn’t it nice to have a stress-free Saturday? I’m going to shift gears and take a more tolerant and civil tone. Hopefully, it will lead to better results for our Gators and the much-maligned new coaching staff. Is the name DJ Durkin officially a punch line? Please bear in mind, that if we lose to Georgia this week, all bets are off. The last two weeks will seem like a second grade book report about pandas. This week’s slate of games is rather mundane. Everyone is gearing up for LSU/BAMA two weeks from now. I suppose there is some interest in A&M/Mizzou, from whom I’m not terribly sure.
El Gran Mono
For some reason I feel exceptionally good this Friday. Perhaps it’s the nip in the air or my forthcoming trip to the land of shamrocks and Guinness…or maybe it’s the hourly chants and bucket drums of Occupy DC. No matter the reason, I’m hoping my good vibes can infect the Gators. It appears that JB3’s ankle is feeling better and Chuck Weis has prepared all of the QBs so we are off to good start. UGA is always ripe for the taking and there is no doubt that Dawg fans have piss running down their leg as we speak (and not just because of too many brews at the Landing). JB3 has a chance to sweep the Dawgs as a starter and Muschamp has a chance to revive this trainwreck of a season. Let’s like this firecracker!
Brew of the week: Staropramen. Great hoppy flavor with a clean pilsner finish. Goes great with a World Series Game 7.
Cuzzin Bailey
For those of you keeping score, this is the first “Cocktail Party” I have missed in four years; of course it didn’t hurt that I was living in Jacksonville during that time. Anyways, I saw 2 complete blowouts and last year’s thrilling OT victory. If there is one thing I learned during my lifetime is that it doesn’t matter how overhyped Georgia is, or how many awesome players they have, or how big a’underdogs we are, there is ALWAYS a pretty good chance we’ll beat the Dawgs. Take 2008 for instance: the year before, UGA beat UF and jumped all over the endzone like a bunch of psychopaths; the next year (08), Georgia fans bought so many tickets and were talking SO much smack (come to think of it, that’s their MO every year) and what happened? Huge blowout and well before the 4th quarter their side of the field was practically empty. 09, same thing. Last year, the first half domination by the Gators saw many of their hate-filled fans heading for the exits early enough to miss their comeback and eventual loss. It was outstanding. Just thinking about all the wins I have seen in Jacksonville makes me so happy. I love how obnoxious the Dawgs fans are before the game and how completely humiliated they become when they realize its no longer the 70s/80s. Note to Georgia fans: Hershel Walker is gone and ain’t never coming back, no matter how much money you offer him (again, GD cheaters). Anyways, I hate Vince Dooley more today than I did when I first learned that he is the one that turned UF in to the NCAA in the 80s to cover up their own illegal recruiting and other violations. Anyways, I’m sure Malt Licker will appreciate that I’m filling up with hate, only for now its directed at my enemies. For more of this nonsense, I’ll see you on twitter, www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
12:00 PM
Missouri at Texas A&M -10
ML
The Aggies are looking to “gig” the Tigers (so we will now have 3 different Tigers in the conference?) and end a two game losing streak. I will be watching this game to see who I can hate the most when they join our conference. A&M sports a jerk-off head coach in Mike “put a jersey on” Sherman, who I will always remember for confronting Warren Sapp for an imminently clean block on Chad Clifton during a Bucs/Packers game. It looks like the Packers decision to can him worked out pretty well for them. Nevertheless, Sherman’s Aggies are on a roll offensively and the Tigers can’t stop anyone. Lay the points.
Tigers Part 3 28
Agriculturals 45
EGM
Mizzou 27
Tejas A&M 28
CB
SEC? 17
Already In 43
12:21 PM
Arkansas at Vanderbilt +10
EGM
I’m not sure what to think about Arkansas after their lackluster performance against the Black Bears. Bobby Petrino’s offense never seems to be out of any game but his defense is certainly suspect (giving up more than 14 points to Ole Miss will do that). However, the cure for any defense is the Vanderbilt offense. Only giving 10 points to Vandy is crazy talk.
Hawgs 38
Vandy 10
CB
Arkansas 30
Vandie 7
ML
‘Backs 31
‘Dores 20
3:30 PM
Florida vs. Georgia -3 (at Jacksonville)
ML
I just reviewed my first post of the season, where I expressed reservations about having to rely on Johnny B. Little did I know that the offense would totally fall apart without him and our coaching staff would be totally inept and dealing with his absence? Needless to say, this game will go a long way toward determining the direction of the Will Muschamp era. Right now it is feeling a little Zookian. An objective analysis of this game clearly shows that Georgia should be favored. However, they have been favored against the Gators in the past, and typically find a way to blow it. Clearly a loss to this Gators squad would sound the death knell for pRicht’s tenure in Athens, and may lead to an ingestion of hemlock. I’d love to pick us to win, but I Durkin’s hapless special teams will cost us another victory.
Gators 20
Dawgs 22
EGM
Gators 28
Dawgs 17
CB
GATORS 20
SlimeDogs 19
7:00 PM
Ole Miss at Auburn -12
EGM
Ole Miss should really be focused on this game because it is likely their only chance at victory in the SEC. Auburn is just sluggish enough to allow the Rebbears to hang around with their “don’t try to score” offense. However, given this game is at Jerden Hare and at night, the Plainsmen should eventually pull away. I’d discuss the nightmarish haircuts that will be prevalent at this game but that would be a tired take on my part. Whoops…
Rebs 10
Plainsmen 24
CB
Ole Miss 17
Auburn 21
ML
Ole Piss 11
Auburn 31
Mississippi St. at Kentucky +10
CB
I would give Vandy a better shot at beating MSU than the Kats, like anyone in Lexington really cares, (don’t worry, its almost basketball season). SEC east is just so pathetic this year that I am blindly confident that any SEC west team could beat this squad. I was so wrong last week about Ole Miss that I don’t even know if I should complete this sentence.
Mess St 17
Kensucky 3
ML
MSU 13
Wildcats 2
EGM
Miss State 31
KY 7
7:15 PM
South Carolina at Tennessee +4
CB
The Cocks need a little help to get back to the SECCG. Obviously not losing to UT would be a step in the right direction. The spread in this game directly reflects the loss of Marcus Lattimore for the season. Considering how uncertain the games between the mortal teams have been this year and how awful the gamecocks looked on the road last week, I am gonna go crazy for a minute and call for the upset of the week here…
Cocks 17
Tennessee 20
ML
Cocks 17
Vols 19
EGM
Cocks 13
Vols 14
Alabama – BYE WEEK
LSU – BYE WEEK
Wasn’t it nice to have a stress-free Saturday? I’m going to shift gears and take a more tolerant and civil tone. Hopefully, it will lead to better results for our Gators and the much-maligned new coaching staff. Is the name DJ Durkin officially a punch line? Please bear in mind, that if we lose to Georgia this week, all bets are off. The last two weeks will seem like a second grade book report about pandas. This week’s slate of games is rather mundane. Everyone is gearing up for LSU/BAMA two weeks from now. I suppose there is some interest in A&M/Mizzou, from whom I’m not terribly sure.
El Gran Mono
For some reason I feel exceptionally good this Friday. Perhaps it’s the nip in the air or my forthcoming trip to the land of shamrocks and Guinness…or maybe it’s the hourly chants and bucket drums of Occupy DC. No matter the reason, I’m hoping my good vibes can infect the Gators. It appears that JB3’s ankle is feeling better and Chuck Weis has prepared all of the QBs so we are off to good start. UGA is always ripe for the taking and there is no doubt that Dawg fans have piss running down their leg as we speak (and not just because of too many brews at the Landing). JB3 has a chance to sweep the Dawgs as a starter and Muschamp has a chance to revive this trainwreck of a season. Let’s like this firecracker!
Brew of the week: Staropramen. Great hoppy flavor with a clean pilsner finish. Goes great with a World Series Game 7.
Cuzzin Bailey
For those of you keeping score, this is the first “Cocktail Party” I have missed in four years; of course it didn’t hurt that I was living in Jacksonville during that time. Anyways, I saw 2 complete blowouts and last year’s thrilling OT victory. If there is one thing I learned during my lifetime is that it doesn’t matter how overhyped Georgia is, or how many awesome players they have, or how big a’underdogs we are, there is ALWAYS a pretty good chance we’ll beat the Dawgs. Take 2008 for instance: the year before, UGA beat UF and jumped all over the endzone like a bunch of psychopaths; the next year (08), Georgia fans bought so many tickets and were talking SO much smack (come to think of it, that’s their MO every year) and what happened? Huge blowout and well before the 4th quarter their side of the field was practically empty. 09, same thing. Last year, the first half domination by the Gators saw many of their hate-filled fans heading for the exits early enough to miss their comeback and eventual loss. It was outstanding. Just thinking about all the wins I have seen in Jacksonville makes me so happy. I love how obnoxious the Dawgs fans are before the game and how completely humiliated they become when they realize its no longer the 70s/80s. Note to Georgia fans: Hershel Walker is gone and ain’t never coming back, no matter how much money you offer him (again, GD cheaters). Anyways, I hate Vince Dooley more today than I did when I first learned that he is the one that turned UF in to the NCAA in the 80s to cover up their own illegal recruiting and other violations. Anyways, I’m sure Malt Licker will appreciate that I’m filling up with hate, only for now its directed at my enemies. For more of this nonsense, I’ll see you on twitter, www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
12:00 PM
Missouri at Texas A&M -10
ML
The Aggies are looking to “gig” the Tigers (so we will now have 3 different Tigers in the conference?) and end a two game losing streak. I will be watching this game to see who I can hate the most when they join our conference. A&M sports a jerk-off head coach in Mike “put a jersey on” Sherman, who I will always remember for confronting Warren Sapp for an imminently clean block on Chad Clifton during a Bucs/Packers game. It looks like the Packers decision to can him worked out pretty well for them. Nevertheless, Sherman’s Aggies are on a roll offensively and the Tigers can’t stop anyone. Lay the points.
Tigers Part 3 28
Agriculturals 45
EGM
Mizzou 27
Tejas A&M 28
CB
SEC? 17
Already In 43
12:21 PM
Arkansas at Vanderbilt +10
EGM
I’m not sure what to think about Arkansas after their lackluster performance against the Black Bears. Bobby Petrino’s offense never seems to be out of any game but his defense is certainly suspect (giving up more than 14 points to Ole Miss will do that). However, the cure for any defense is the Vanderbilt offense. Only giving 10 points to Vandy is crazy talk.
Hawgs 38
Vandy 10
CB
Arkansas 30
Vandie 7
ML
‘Backs 31
‘Dores 20
3:30 PM
Florida vs. Georgia -3 (at Jacksonville)
ML
I just reviewed my first post of the season, where I expressed reservations about having to rely on Johnny B. Little did I know that the offense would totally fall apart without him and our coaching staff would be totally inept and dealing with his absence? Needless to say, this game will go a long way toward determining the direction of the Will Muschamp era. Right now it is feeling a little Zookian. An objective analysis of this game clearly shows that Georgia should be favored. However, they have been favored against the Gators in the past, and typically find a way to blow it. Clearly a loss to this Gators squad would sound the death knell for pRicht’s tenure in Athens, and may lead to an ingestion of hemlock. I’d love to pick us to win, but I Durkin’s hapless special teams will cost us another victory.
Gators 20
Dawgs 22
EGM
Gators 28
Dawgs 17
CB
GATORS 20
SlimeDogs 19
7:00 PM
Ole Miss at Auburn -12
EGM
Ole Miss should really be focused on this game because it is likely their only chance at victory in the SEC. Auburn is just sluggish enough to allow the Rebbears to hang around with their “don’t try to score” offense. However, given this game is at Jerden Hare and at night, the Plainsmen should eventually pull away. I’d discuss the nightmarish haircuts that will be prevalent at this game but that would be a tired take on my part. Whoops…
Rebs 10
Plainsmen 24
CB
Ole Miss 17
Auburn 21
ML
Ole Piss 11
Auburn 31
Mississippi St. at Kentucky +10
CB
I would give Vandy a better shot at beating MSU than the Kats, like anyone in Lexington really cares, (don’t worry, its almost basketball season). SEC east is just so pathetic this year that I am blindly confident that any SEC west team could beat this squad. I was so wrong last week about Ole Miss that I don’t even know if I should complete this sentence.
Mess St 17
Kensucky 3
ML
MSU 13
Wildcats 2
EGM
Miss State 31
KY 7
7:15 PM
South Carolina at Tennessee +4
CB
The Cocks need a little help to get back to the SECCG. Obviously not losing to UT would be a step in the right direction. The spread in this game directly reflects the loss of Marcus Lattimore for the season. Considering how uncertain the games between the mortal teams have been this year and how awful the gamecocks looked on the road last week, I am gonna go crazy for a minute and call for the upset of the week here…
Cocks 17
Tennessee 20
ML
Cocks 17
Vols 19
EGM
Cocks 13
Vols 14
Alabama – BYE WEEK
LSU – BYE WEEK
Friday, October 21, 2011
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week VIII
El Gran Mono
The best thing part about this week, the Gators aren’t playing. I’m taking all of Saturday off for mental health purposes. I recommend you do the same. After all, the game to end all games isn’t for two more weeks. I highly doubt there will be any synthetic drug suspensions between then and now. But perhaps that’s the conspiracy theorist in me.
Brew of the week: Widmer Brothers Bourbon Barrel Ale. Great flavor, easy finish and mixes well with tears and anger. Hopefully someone from Portland will bring you some. Thanks @joemorganfan.
Malt Licker
Whooohooo!!! It’s the third Saturday in October!!! Ohhh the pageantry!!! I thought I may have been a bit…harsh…last week, but the feedback on twitter led me to believe that the people love anger and insensitivity. I honestly don’t know how anyone could watch the Gators this year and feel anything but anger. Anger at Coach Boom for the penalties and pathetic special teams play….Anger at Urban for leaving us with no playmakers….Anger at Charlie Weis and his fat upper pussy area. We could honestly lose to fucking Vanderbilt this year. I just read that Missouri’s curators have given the chancellor authority to move to the SEC. It’s nice because UF will have a new partner in suck. The only thing I have to look forward this month is the premiere of Beavis & Butthead. Book your tickets for Shreveport! I hear it is lovely in late December.
Cuzzin Bailey
Another three game skid. Another year of getting owned by the SEC West. This is turning into a terrible trend. As pissed as most of you probably are…Oh great, my apathy for this season has been compounded by the fact that this is a bye week and is trying to take over this post. Let me see if I can fight the boredom: We really need to beat UGA next week and my wife and I are going to the Vandy game in two weeks, so my lack of enthusiasm is tempered by the near future. The Johnny Brantley scenario is in full on controversy mode. Coach Boom says he should be back by Monday etc, but unnamed sources are saying the injury is far worse than is being reported. I’m sorry, but to even imply that a school would be less than honest about the health of one of its players is incredibly NOT shocking. I think it would be great to get JBIII back but we’re still gonna need to run the ball effectively against decent defenses, which has vexed us as of late. I wouldn’t blame you if you stopped reading by now. Hell, I’m just mailing this part in anyways. Me, twitter, follow (figure out the order): www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
12:00pm
Jacksonville State at Kentucky (OFF)
ML
I’d rather drink lemon-scented Mr. Clean than watch this abortion of a game. I’d rather watch a fart dissipate in the wind
JSU 3
UK 40
CB
Jax Stizzle 13
Kensucky 30
EGM
Jax State 10
KY 20
12:21pm
Arkansas at Ole Miss (+16)
CB
While I’m certainly not “rooting” for Arkansas in this game, I am not a fan of Houston Nutt, so the expected result is probably what’s best for everyone. The other Bourbon Boys used to “s” Nutt’s “d” when he was the coach at the Razorbacks from some unknown reason while I always shit on him. Given the fact that he’s a second rate coach and (aside from two decent years at Murray State), he has lost 3 or more games in every year of his coaching career, I have no clue why anyone would defend this sack of shit. (Btw, that stat includes going 10-4 in 2006 and winning the then down SEC West). Not saying that Ole Miss needs a world class coach, but everyone deserves someone better than him. I pretty much hate the guy. In regards to the game, it seems that the Ole Miss party factory is in for yet another disappointing game. Arkansas is probably gonna throw all over the Rebs and given the way Ole Miss is playing this year, I would take this spread all day, like I give a shit.
Arky 40
Ole Miss 14
EGM
Hawgs 38
Ole mIss 0
ML
Arky 40
Ole Piss 10
3:30pm
Auburn at LSU (-21.5)
EGM
I just can’t believe that the team of 21st century (Part II) would have guys that are using synthetic drugs. What makes it even harder to believe is the fact that one of the dudes has the fun nickname “honey badger”? Maybe he should just stick to eating grass.
I’d give Auburn half a chance if this game was on the Plains. But since they are playing in the shithole otherwise known as Death Valley they will probably get smoked. However, with Jarrett Lee at the helm 21.5 is just too much to ask for… even with synthetic drugs at your disposal.
Plainsmen 10
Tigers 24
ML
War Eagle Shit Droppings 10
Bayou Shit Bengals 40
CB
Trashbin Tigers 16
Dirttrash Tigers 30
7:00pm
Army at Vanderbilt (-10.5)
EGM
Any team that is getting 11 points against Vandy is absolutely awful. Do not watch this game.
Knights 13
Vandy 28
ML
Cadets 20
Dabney Colemans 17
CB
Army 17
Vandy 27
7:15pm
Tennessee at Alabama (29.5)
ML
Is there a river route from Knoxville to Tuscaloosa? We all know that the Tornado Freeway empties there. Unfortunately for the inbred mountain clowns from Knoxville, I do not believe the Vol Navy has anywhere to disembark. This will be another epic slaughter for Saban. Alabama might not lose another game for the rest of our lives. By that time, they might have rebuilt their town, which was decimated by that hurricane.
Orange Pukes 7
Crimson Jerks 40
CB
Smokey Sucks 7
Bama 40
EGM
Vols 3
Bama 24
The best thing part about this week, the Gators aren’t playing. I’m taking all of Saturday off for mental health purposes. I recommend you do the same. After all, the game to end all games isn’t for two more weeks. I highly doubt there will be any synthetic drug suspensions between then and now. But perhaps that’s the conspiracy theorist in me.
Brew of the week: Widmer Brothers Bourbon Barrel Ale. Great flavor, easy finish and mixes well with tears and anger. Hopefully someone from Portland will bring you some. Thanks @joemorganfan.
Malt Licker
Whooohooo!!! It’s the third Saturday in October!!! Ohhh the pageantry!!! I thought I may have been a bit…harsh…last week, but the feedback on twitter led me to believe that the people love anger and insensitivity. I honestly don’t know how anyone could watch the Gators this year and feel anything but anger. Anger at Coach Boom for the penalties and pathetic special teams play….Anger at Urban for leaving us with no playmakers….Anger at Charlie Weis and his fat upper pussy area. We could honestly lose to fucking Vanderbilt this year. I just read that Missouri’s curators have given the chancellor authority to move to the SEC. It’s nice because UF will have a new partner in suck. The only thing I have to look forward this month is the premiere of Beavis & Butthead. Book your tickets for Shreveport! I hear it is lovely in late December.
Cuzzin Bailey
Another three game skid. Another year of getting owned by the SEC West. This is turning into a terrible trend. As pissed as most of you probably are…Oh great, my apathy for this season has been compounded by the fact that this is a bye week and is trying to take over this post. Let me see if I can fight the boredom: We really need to beat UGA next week and my wife and I are going to the Vandy game in two weeks, so my lack of enthusiasm is tempered by the near future. The Johnny Brantley scenario is in full on controversy mode. Coach Boom says he should be back by Monday etc, but unnamed sources are saying the injury is far worse than is being reported. I’m sorry, but to even imply that a school would be less than honest about the health of one of its players is incredibly NOT shocking. I think it would be great to get JBIII back but we’re still gonna need to run the ball effectively against decent defenses, which has vexed us as of late. I wouldn’t blame you if you stopped reading by now. Hell, I’m just mailing this part in anyways. Me, twitter, follow (figure out the order): www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
12:00pm
Jacksonville State at Kentucky (OFF)
ML
I’d rather drink lemon-scented Mr. Clean than watch this abortion of a game. I’d rather watch a fart dissipate in the wind
JSU 3
UK 40
CB
Jax Stizzle 13
Kensucky 30
EGM
Jax State 10
KY 20
12:21pm
Arkansas at Ole Miss (+16)
CB
While I’m certainly not “rooting” for Arkansas in this game, I am not a fan of Houston Nutt, so the expected result is probably what’s best for everyone. The other Bourbon Boys used to “s” Nutt’s “d” when he was the coach at the Razorbacks from some unknown reason while I always shit on him. Given the fact that he’s a second rate coach and (aside from two decent years at Murray State), he has lost 3 or more games in every year of his coaching career, I have no clue why anyone would defend this sack of shit. (Btw, that stat includes going 10-4 in 2006 and winning the then down SEC West). Not saying that Ole Miss needs a world class coach, but everyone deserves someone better than him. I pretty much hate the guy. In regards to the game, it seems that the Ole Miss party factory is in for yet another disappointing game. Arkansas is probably gonna throw all over the Rebs and given the way Ole Miss is playing this year, I would take this spread all day, like I give a shit.
Arky 40
Ole Miss 14
EGM
Hawgs 38
Ole mIss 0
ML
Arky 40
Ole Piss 10
3:30pm
Auburn at LSU (-21.5)
EGM
I just can’t believe that the team of 21st century (Part II) would have guys that are using synthetic drugs. What makes it even harder to believe is the fact that one of the dudes has the fun nickname “honey badger”? Maybe he should just stick to eating grass.
I’d give Auburn half a chance if this game was on the Plains. But since they are playing in the shithole otherwise known as Death Valley they will probably get smoked. However, with Jarrett Lee at the helm 21.5 is just too much to ask for… even with synthetic drugs at your disposal.
Plainsmen 10
Tigers 24
ML
War Eagle Shit Droppings 10
Bayou Shit Bengals 40
CB
Trashbin Tigers 16
Dirttrash Tigers 30
7:00pm
Army at Vanderbilt (-10.5)
EGM
Any team that is getting 11 points against Vandy is absolutely awful. Do not watch this game.
Knights 13
Vandy 28
ML
Cadets 20
Dabney Colemans 17
CB
Army 17
Vandy 27
7:15pm
Tennessee at Alabama (29.5)
ML
Is there a river route from Knoxville to Tuscaloosa? We all know that the Tornado Freeway empties there. Unfortunately for the inbred mountain clowns from Knoxville, I do not believe the Vol Navy has anywhere to disembark. This will be another epic slaughter for Saban. Alabama might not lose another game for the rest of our lives. By that time, they might have rebuilt their town, which was decimated by that hurricane.
Orange Pukes 7
Crimson Jerks 40
CB
Smokey Sucks 7
Bama 40
EGM
Vols 3
Bama 24
Friday, October 14, 2011
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week VII
Cuzzin Bailey
Another game, another loss. Eh, what are you gonna do? I could go on and on about how these aren’t Muschamp’s ideal players, how they are smaller (and fast yes, I get it) than he prefers, but I’m not going to waste your time. All I know is its dumb luck coincidence that we played the No. 2 team and then the No. 1 team two weeks in a row, so I’m not giving any credence to that “worst back to back losses” in a while or whatever talk. We are NOT in the same class as LSU and Bama at the moment and would probably finished 4th in SEC West, same potential result as last year. Teams go through this…step back from the ledge my friend, I have faith Muschamp will figure this out. One more thing, until his coaches start coaching the way he wants, and his players start playing his way, I have NO problem with him giving them the business even if it is on national television. People who are criticizing Coach Boom this early are either trying to sell something, or were never going to give him a chance from the beginning. This week we are playing yet another SEC team that our HC has a connection to, joy. Auburn is the scum of the SEC it would be nice to silence that hell hole known as Jordan-Hare Stadium. After last week’s game, I am going to get away from the computer during the games as some of my outbursts were criticized by fellow tweeters; drama I was hoping avoid by boycotting Facebook, but alas it follows you everywhere…anyways, if you want to read lucent, well thought out tweets, follow someone else. www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
I’d love to be positive about last week but I’m still pretty pissed off. Getting juked by Jarrett Lee will do that to you. However, don’t misunderstand my anger, its not losing to the #1 team that pisses me off. Rather, the anger stems from the manner of losing and the confusion that is apparent among players and coaches. The new coach smell has worn off Mssrs. Muschamp and Weis. I mistakenly gave them the benefit of the doubt. Now, its time for them to earn my trust. There is no better place for that to start happening than Jerden-Hare. Let’s light this firecracker. (I would have discussed other good games this week but there aren’t any)
Brew of the week: Oskar Blues – Mama’s Little Yella Pils (Sorry bourgeois readers, its only available in a can)
Malt Licker
Those of you who are fans of South Park can sympathize with the way I felt last weekend. Watching the Gators get destroyed by Les Miles and an Australian punter turned me into cynical Stan. Everything I saw was shit. Our O Line was shit. Our D Line was shit. Our play-calling was shit. Our tackling was shit. The way Coach Boom (or is it Coach Durp?) stomped and scowled was shit. The way his stupid hair fluttered in the Louisiana breeze was shit. The use of various iterations of the “wildcat” was shit. Our refusal to give the ball to Mike Gilleslee until trailing by 30 is shit. Our inability to play “Kick return safe” on every special teams play by the Mad Hatter was shit. Even Chuck Weis’ normally statuesque physique was shit.
Contrary to the South Park season premiere, the purported cure of cynicism (copious amounts of Jameson) did not work for me. I tried to drink the shit away, only to see it become smellier and more disgusting Stephen Garcia’s liver. As an aside, I spoke with a friend who knows Garcia’s older brother, who is a Harvard grad, and according to legend, Garcia actually failed a class called “Wine Tasting” at USC. When asked why he said, “what does it matter? I’m going to the NFL.” Even that awesome anecdote could not get the shit out of my eyes. Those of you who are Bucs fans, only saw the shit stack higher and deeper on Sunday. When does basketball season start? You are now witnessing the birth of Ultra Negative Malt Licker. If I recommended or brewed a beer of the week, it would be called Ultra Negative IPA. On to this shitty slate of games.
This post is not recommended for children or those with a conscience.
12:21pm
South Carolina at Mississippi State (+2.5)
EGM
The first of a full docket of home dawgs. Both teams need this game badly to salvage a modicum of success after having high expectations. Professional rounder Stephen Garcia will not be participating in this game or any game in the future because he just can’t resist a brew during the week. Thus, Connor Shaw will be guiding the offense from here on out (or until Spurdog finds a walk on of his liking). Despite limited playing time Shaw would easily start for Miss State and that is the difference in the game. Chris Relf is bad and just bad enough to lose this game. I expect lots of running and very little scoring.
Cocks 17
Miss State 16
ML
Cocksuckers 23
Shiteaters 21
CB
Cocks 23
Dicks 13
3:30pm
LSU at Tennessee (+16)
EGM
I just can’t believe the line is this low. The Vols were struggling against a very average UGA defense last week and they still had Tyler Bray in the lineup at the time. LSU seems to be hitting on all cylinders with Jarrett Lee having few hard throws to make. That’s exactly the way Miles likes it and judging by the way other teams have lit up the Vols (See Florida) I think this will be ugly early. I’m so glad that CBS picked up this game because now I don’t have to listen to Verne and Gary gloat about whatever team they bonded with during the week. I’m sure “Jarrett” will be their best friend this week too.
Tigers 38
Vols 10
ML
Coonass inbred backward Cajun fucks 40
Squirrel eating inbred backward mountain fucks 10
CB
Tigres 30
Tennesseans 0
6:00pm
Alabama at Ole Miss (+25.5)
ML
Ohhh look its Alabama!!!! They are so devastatingly amazing that they should form their own conference. It will be called the Awesome Conference and no other teams will be allowed. They can win their conference championship every year and shake their stupid pom poms like the easily amused morons they are. They would have intra-squad scrimmage games that would command $100 a minute on pay-per-view. Alabamaamamaians just discovered this thing called cable, and they can’t wait to spend their confederate dollars on something other than tornado early-warning systems. That’s right, I went there, and will continue to go there until the Gators beat a ranked opponent. As for Ole Miss, well, they are a joke without a punch line. There only saving grace is……nothing. Even the Grove everyone speaks so highly of is overrated. Take your faux-genteel disheveled haircuts and sundresses and shove them up your ass.
Crimson tornados 50
RedNex 10
CB
Bama 41
Ole Miss 6
EGM
Bamer 41
Ole Miss 0
7:00pm
Florida at Auburn (+2)
CB
Some of you have been reading us for years and so what I’m about to say won’t come as a huge shock so I will keep it brief. To all those Gators fans traveling to Auburn this weekend, prepare yourself for, among other things, faux humility. You know, when a hick from the plains saunters up to you and says, “hey bro, don’t beat us too bad!” I hate that shit. Look, Auburn’s QB situation ain’t looking great and their defense, while improved is still bad. Their running back is a badass and that may just be the key for this game. UF will be starting Jacoby Brissett for the second weekend and while that scares me, our Defense is much more frightening. For some crazy reason we are favored in this game, and that means that Auburn might be worse that I suspect….let’s hope for that.
GATORS 21
Scumbags from the Plains 20
EGM
Gators 24
Auburn 27
ML
The University of we’ll never be relevant in football again 9
War Eagle Plainsman Tigers Dead Tree pick a mascot U 31
Georgia at Vanderbilt (+11)
CB
Incredibly enough, all games here this week feature home underdogs. Less surprisingly, Vandy is one of the homedogs. All I know is, Georgia is gonna be the first SEC team to sweep the state of Tennessee and Mississippi….haha naw, I can’t even make up that stat. I mean sure, I have the capabilities, but I just don’t care. (apathy is contagious here) UGA needs to win shitty games like this to be sure they walk into the SECCG in December. UGA plays UF and then Auburn which they can totally win, while the Cocks are absolutely going to lose to Arkansas later in the year. That’s why games like this are so important…haha why am I trying to sell this game, I don’t work for espn. Pick who ever you want damnit…
Jawga 30
Van Der Bilt 17
EGM
UGA 28
Vandy 7
ML
No matter how bad the Gators are, we’ll be worse 24
Vanderdorknerddweebspazwasteoftime 3.14
Kentucky – BYE week - Big deal
Arkansas – BYE week - Who cares
Another game, another loss. Eh, what are you gonna do? I could go on and on about how these aren’t Muschamp’s ideal players, how they are smaller (and fast yes, I get it) than he prefers, but I’m not going to waste your time. All I know is its dumb luck coincidence that we played the No. 2 team and then the No. 1 team two weeks in a row, so I’m not giving any credence to that “worst back to back losses” in a while or whatever talk. We are NOT in the same class as LSU and Bama at the moment and would probably finished 4th in SEC West, same potential result as last year. Teams go through this…step back from the ledge my friend, I have faith Muschamp will figure this out. One more thing, until his coaches start coaching the way he wants, and his players start playing his way, I have NO problem with him giving them the business even if it is on national television. People who are criticizing Coach Boom this early are either trying to sell something, or were never going to give him a chance from the beginning. This week we are playing yet another SEC team that our HC has a connection to, joy. Auburn is the scum of the SEC it would be nice to silence that hell hole known as Jordan-Hare Stadium. After last week’s game, I am going to get away from the computer during the games as some of my outbursts were criticized by fellow tweeters; drama I was hoping avoid by boycotting Facebook, but alas it follows you everywhere…anyways, if you want to read lucent, well thought out tweets, follow someone else. www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
I’d love to be positive about last week but I’m still pretty pissed off. Getting juked by Jarrett Lee will do that to you. However, don’t misunderstand my anger, its not losing to the #1 team that pisses me off. Rather, the anger stems from the manner of losing and the confusion that is apparent among players and coaches. The new coach smell has worn off Mssrs. Muschamp and Weis. I mistakenly gave them the benefit of the doubt. Now, its time for them to earn my trust. There is no better place for that to start happening than Jerden-Hare. Let’s light this firecracker. (I would have discussed other good games this week but there aren’t any)
Brew of the week: Oskar Blues – Mama’s Little Yella Pils (Sorry bourgeois readers, its only available in a can)
Malt Licker
Those of you who are fans of South Park can sympathize with the way I felt last weekend. Watching the Gators get destroyed by Les Miles and an Australian punter turned me into cynical Stan. Everything I saw was shit. Our O Line was shit. Our D Line was shit. Our play-calling was shit. Our tackling was shit. The way Coach Boom (or is it Coach Durp?) stomped and scowled was shit. The way his stupid hair fluttered in the Louisiana breeze was shit. The use of various iterations of the “wildcat” was shit. Our refusal to give the ball to Mike Gilleslee until trailing by 30 is shit. Our inability to play “Kick return safe” on every special teams play by the Mad Hatter was shit. Even Chuck Weis’ normally statuesque physique was shit.
Contrary to the South Park season premiere, the purported cure of cynicism (copious amounts of Jameson) did not work for me. I tried to drink the shit away, only to see it become smellier and more disgusting Stephen Garcia’s liver. As an aside, I spoke with a friend who knows Garcia’s older brother, who is a Harvard grad, and according to legend, Garcia actually failed a class called “Wine Tasting” at USC. When asked why he said, “what does it matter? I’m going to the NFL.” Even that awesome anecdote could not get the shit out of my eyes. Those of you who are Bucs fans, only saw the shit stack higher and deeper on Sunday. When does basketball season start? You are now witnessing the birth of Ultra Negative Malt Licker. If I recommended or brewed a beer of the week, it would be called Ultra Negative IPA. On to this shitty slate of games.
This post is not recommended for children or those with a conscience.
12:21pm
South Carolina at Mississippi State (+2.5)
EGM
The first of a full docket of home dawgs. Both teams need this game badly to salvage a modicum of success after having high expectations. Professional rounder Stephen Garcia will not be participating in this game or any game in the future because he just can’t resist a brew during the week. Thus, Connor Shaw will be guiding the offense from here on out (or until Spurdog finds a walk on of his liking). Despite limited playing time Shaw would easily start for Miss State and that is the difference in the game. Chris Relf is bad and just bad enough to lose this game. I expect lots of running and very little scoring.
Cocks 17
Miss State 16
ML
Cocksuckers 23
Shiteaters 21
CB
Cocks 23
Dicks 13
3:30pm
LSU at Tennessee (+16)
EGM
I just can’t believe the line is this low. The Vols were struggling against a very average UGA defense last week and they still had Tyler Bray in the lineup at the time. LSU seems to be hitting on all cylinders with Jarrett Lee having few hard throws to make. That’s exactly the way Miles likes it and judging by the way other teams have lit up the Vols (See Florida) I think this will be ugly early. I’m so glad that CBS picked up this game because now I don’t have to listen to Verne and Gary gloat about whatever team they bonded with during the week. I’m sure “Jarrett” will be their best friend this week too.
Tigers 38
Vols 10
ML
Coonass inbred backward Cajun fucks 40
Squirrel eating inbred backward mountain fucks 10
CB
Tigres 30
Tennesseans 0
6:00pm
Alabama at Ole Miss (+25.5)
ML
Ohhh look its Alabama!!!! They are so devastatingly amazing that they should form their own conference. It will be called the Awesome Conference and no other teams will be allowed. They can win their conference championship every year and shake their stupid pom poms like the easily amused morons they are. They would have intra-squad scrimmage games that would command $100 a minute on pay-per-view. Alabamaamamaians just discovered this thing called cable, and they can’t wait to spend their confederate dollars on something other than tornado early-warning systems. That’s right, I went there, and will continue to go there until the Gators beat a ranked opponent. As for Ole Miss, well, they are a joke without a punch line. There only saving grace is……nothing. Even the Grove everyone speaks so highly of is overrated. Take your faux-genteel disheveled haircuts and sundresses and shove them up your ass.
Crimson tornados 50
RedNex 10
CB
Bama 41
Ole Miss 6
EGM
Bamer 41
Ole Miss 0
7:00pm
Florida at Auburn (+2)
CB
Some of you have been reading us for years and so what I’m about to say won’t come as a huge shock so I will keep it brief. To all those Gators fans traveling to Auburn this weekend, prepare yourself for, among other things, faux humility. You know, when a hick from the plains saunters up to you and says, “hey bro, don’t beat us too bad!” I hate that shit. Look, Auburn’s QB situation ain’t looking great and their defense, while improved is still bad. Their running back is a badass and that may just be the key for this game. UF will be starting Jacoby Brissett for the second weekend and while that scares me, our Defense is much more frightening. For some crazy reason we are favored in this game, and that means that Auburn might be worse that I suspect….let’s hope for that.
GATORS 21
Scumbags from the Plains 20
EGM
Gators 24
Auburn 27
ML
The University of we’ll never be relevant in football again 9
War Eagle Plainsman Tigers Dead Tree pick a mascot U 31
Georgia at Vanderbilt (+11)
CB
Incredibly enough, all games here this week feature home underdogs. Less surprisingly, Vandy is one of the homedogs. All I know is, Georgia is gonna be the first SEC team to sweep the state of Tennessee and Mississippi….haha naw, I can’t even make up that stat. I mean sure, I have the capabilities, but I just don’t care. (apathy is contagious here) UGA needs to win shitty games like this to be sure they walk into the SECCG in December. UGA plays UF and then Auburn which they can totally win, while the Cocks are absolutely going to lose to Arkansas later in the year. That’s why games like this are so important…haha why am I trying to sell this game, I don’t work for espn. Pick who ever you want damnit…
Jawga 30
Van Der Bilt 17
EGM
UGA 28
Vandy 7
ML
No matter how bad the Gators are, we’ll be worse 24
Vanderdorknerddweebspazwasteoftime 3.14
Kentucky – BYE week - Big deal
Arkansas – BYE week - Who cares
Friday, October 07, 2011
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week VI
Malt Licker
Back to reality. That phrase has echoed through my mind throughout the week as I think back to last week’s game against Alabama. The Crimson Tide is a fitting nickname for Saban’s boys. As I watched that game from the packed Swamp on a perfect night, I could see their momentum slowly build. First they came back and tied it up, then their defense gave them the lead, and then they took out our QB. It all culminated in the most predictable of crescendos, Trent Richardson shaking off a tackle and running untouched through our battered defense for a long touchdown run. It was as certain as high tide.
Cuzzin Bailey
Well, as most of us suspected, the Gators got beat last weekend to the Tide. As some of us did NOT expect, we got killed. Now, I’m not saying we would have won if Bama didn’t get that defensive line pick six or if Brantley didn’t get hurt, but I have to believe it wouldn’t have been AS bad. Our d-line was exposed against a far superior offensive line and NFL type running back. Now we must regroup for a trip into a city that should be quarantined as a municipal insane asylum, Baton Rouge. Tough place for a team, let alone a freshman QB to enter as sizable a underdog. Oh well, give’em hell Gators. On a different (sport) note, I would like to thank the Tampa Bay Rays for a great season and a decent showing in the ALDS. It would have been cool for them to win one game at home (especially one that I attended), forcing this thing to a game five but whatever, this is a year that we’re just happy to be there. I would like to thank Malt Licker for his kind words after the Rays clinched. He was right, baseball can be exciting sometimes! It’s a shame that Yankees fans can’t get excited until they are in the Series, maybe they’ll be back this year! (CB note: as of publication, the Tigers beat NYY in game five of the ALDS, so not this year. My sincere condolences) Anyways, I am pleased to announce that my wife’s and my Wild Card shirts were back ordered and so they won’t arrive until 3 days after the Rays were eliminated from the playoffs! MLB.com needs to get their act together. Anyways, I’ve rambled on too long, be sure to look me up on twitter, you may learn a thing or two about shit talk: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
Its been quite a long week since the Gators were poleaxed and the Rays demise was set in motion. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it), I saw neither of these two events on any medium except for a score update. Upon arriving at my palatial estate last Sunday, I immediately deleted the DVR copy of both of these games and I will know longer discuss or acknowledge that either even actually happened. I’m definitely not a good loser so I’m hoping for a miraculous recovery this weekend but I’m not counting on it. What I am counting on is…
The Brew of The Week – 21st Amendment Live Free or Die IPA. I had six of these bad boys on the Virgin America redeye from the west coast this morning and it was the best part of the entire trip.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
12:00pm
Mississippi State at UAB (+18.5)
EGM
What a travesty of a shamocracy this game is. I mean what self respecting team would play UAB in October? Other than Miss State, I would say every other puss ass team in the SEC that keeps padding their schedule with this tripe.
Miss State 31
UAB 10
ML
MSU 40
UAB 10
CB
MSU 30
Blazers 3
12:20pm
Kentucky at South Carolina (-21)
ML
How surprised would you be if you heard the Ol’ Ball Coach decapitated Stephen Garcia? Here’s a quote: "We were living through a lot of errors Stephen would make," Spurrier said. "We were hoping and believing those errors would go away. We've coached Stephen to play better, but he plays similarly about every game. Now I must lop that head off and get drunk off his alcohol-saturated blood.” One of those sentences is not an actual quote. The good news for SC is that UK is coming to town. They suck.
UK 13
SC 35
CB
Kensucky 14
USCocks 28
EGM
KY 0
Cocks 31
3:30pm
Florida at LSU (-13.5)
ML
The last time UF started a Freshman QB in Death Valley, the Gators shocked the Bengals and Coach Saban to give them their only loss in a Championship year. The bad news is Chris Leak looked relatively competent prior to that game, and Jeff Driskel looks like all he can do is make one read and then try to run. Our only chance at victory is if there is a monsoon. I have no faith. LSU’s defensive front might eat Demps and Rainey and then decorate their town with the poop that results. If you have ever been to Baton Rouge, you can acknowledge that this décor will be an upgrade. We could play this game 20 times and still have no shot at winning.
Tiger bait/reverse jinx? 3
Future nat’l champs 34
CB
Gators 17
LSUcks 23 (breaks my heart)
EGM
UF 6
Tigers 17
7:00pm
Georgia at Tennessee (+2)
CB
That the last two times the Dawgs have traveled to historic Neyland Stadium it has been an unhappy experience for the pups. However, considering the last time the Gators started a freshman QB at LSU was 2003, I thought, just for the hell of it, I would remind all of you what happened when UGA played at UT in 2003: Obviously it was a different time. Florida had lost to the Vols and later that year, UT beat Bama in a scorefest. But one moment no one should forget came at the end of the first half of this game. Tennessee was driving, in fact they were at the goal line ready to score and take a 14-13 lead into the lockerroom. What happened next made everyone who hates that pale orange a Georgia fan for about 20 seconds. The UT running back fumbles the ball and UGA SS (and current Buc) Sean Jones picked it up at the 8ish yard line running 92 yards for the touchdown. The 14 pt turnaround play made the score 20-7 at the half and the Vuls never recovered. This year, unfortunately, we need the hapless vols to beat the dawgs because Georgia plays the easiest SEC schedule in YEARS this time around. After losing to Boise St and South Carolina, the Dawgs beat the Mississippi schools, and next face the Tennessee schools, followed by the Gators, Auburn and Kentucky. Aside from this game, there is a remote chance they’ll lose maybe two games, and then get blowed out in the championship game. Look, no one wants UGA representing the East this year. They are complete garbage, but unfortunately that’s all this division is producing these days…I hate this game.
Jawga 23
Tennessee 24
EGM
Dawgs 24
UT 25
ML
UGA 20
Smokey 24
Vanderbilt at Alabama (-29)
CB
Well, what can you say? If this was vandy at LSU or UT or UGA or Auburn, I would spend this whole post tearing the team a new one, but I’ll be honest, the Gators just plain old got our asses kicked last weekend. It was embarrassing but if we somehow rebound this weekend I won’t give a crap and just fall back on the fact that we were beaten by a better team. If this starts another downward spiral of losses I’m gonna go into full on freak out mode. Anyways, I know Vandy is 3-1 and 1-1 in the SEC, but they beat Ole Miss (a not-so-great-team) and lost to South Carolina (a not-so-bad-team). It should be noted that Bama is a really, really, really good team and this game, as the spread indicates, won’t be close. I see the Tide runningback completely shredding the Vandy defense and McElroy’s replacement to just “not lose the game” which is exactly what Saban wants. This game hasn’t historically been a blow out, but watch, as Marty McFly once said to Mr. Strickland, “history is gonna change”…Sidenote: I was forced to watch Back to the Future III in Spanish the other day, it was hilarious.
George McFly’s 6
Marty McFly’s 40
EGM
Vandy 0
Bama 38
ML
Vanderdork 3
Crimson Dicks 40
Auburn at Arkansas (-10)
EGM
This game was an offensive showdown last year and this year doesn’t appear to be anything different. Auburn seems to have righted the ship after a disastrous loss to mega-overrated Clemson. However, beating up on the Cocks doesn’t really say much this year given that Steven Garcia has taken up meth in addition to heavy drinking. Arkansas also had a big w last week against future SEC doormat TAMU. Overall, I think less points will be scored than all the “experts” think and Arkansas’ receivers will control the game in the end.
Plainsmen 17
Hawgs 24
ML
Auburn 20
Arky 28
CB
Aubarn 17
Arkansas 28
Ole Miss – Bye Week: Great win for the Rebs last weekend, gained some momentum…bad way to hit a bye week
Back to reality. That phrase has echoed through my mind throughout the week as I think back to last week’s game against Alabama. The Crimson Tide is a fitting nickname for Saban’s boys. As I watched that game from the packed Swamp on a perfect night, I could see their momentum slowly build. First they came back and tied it up, then their defense gave them the lead, and then they took out our QB. It all culminated in the most predictable of crescendos, Trent Richardson shaking off a tackle and running untouched through our battered defense for a long touchdown run. It was as certain as high tide.
Cuzzin Bailey
Well, as most of us suspected, the Gators got beat last weekend to the Tide. As some of us did NOT expect, we got killed. Now, I’m not saying we would have won if Bama didn’t get that defensive line pick six or if Brantley didn’t get hurt, but I have to believe it wouldn’t have been AS bad. Our d-line was exposed against a far superior offensive line and NFL type running back. Now we must regroup for a trip into a city that should be quarantined as a municipal insane asylum, Baton Rouge. Tough place for a team, let alone a freshman QB to enter as sizable a underdog. Oh well, give’em hell Gators. On a different (sport) note, I would like to thank the Tampa Bay Rays for a great season and a decent showing in the ALDS. It would have been cool for them to win one game at home (especially one that I attended), forcing this thing to a game five but whatever, this is a year that we’re just happy to be there. I would like to thank Malt Licker for his kind words after the Rays clinched. He was right, baseball can be exciting sometimes! It’s a shame that Yankees fans can’t get excited until they are in the Series, maybe they’ll be back this year! (CB note: as of publication, the Tigers beat NYY in game five of the ALDS, so not this year. My sincere condolences) Anyways, I am pleased to announce that my wife’s and my Wild Card shirts were back ordered and so they won’t arrive until 3 days after the Rays were eliminated from the playoffs! MLB.com needs to get their act together. Anyways, I’ve rambled on too long, be sure to look me up on twitter, you may learn a thing or two about shit talk: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
Its been quite a long week since the Gators were poleaxed and the Rays demise was set in motion. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it), I saw neither of these two events on any medium except for a score update. Upon arriving at my palatial estate last Sunday, I immediately deleted the DVR copy of both of these games and I will know longer discuss or acknowledge that either even actually happened. I’m definitely not a good loser so I’m hoping for a miraculous recovery this weekend but I’m not counting on it. What I am counting on is…
The Brew of The Week – 21st Amendment Live Free or Die IPA. I had six of these bad boys on the Virgin America redeye from the west coast this morning and it was the best part of the entire trip.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
12:00pm
Mississippi State at UAB (+18.5)
EGM
What a travesty of a shamocracy this game is. I mean what self respecting team would play UAB in October? Other than Miss State, I would say every other puss ass team in the SEC that keeps padding their schedule with this tripe.
Miss State 31
UAB 10
ML
MSU 40
UAB 10
CB
MSU 30
Blazers 3
12:20pm
Kentucky at South Carolina (-21)
ML
How surprised would you be if you heard the Ol’ Ball Coach decapitated Stephen Garcia? Here’s a quote: "We were living through a lot of errors Stephen would make," Spurrier said. "We were hoping and believing those errors would go away. We've coached Stephen to play better, but he plays similarly about every game. Now I must lop that head off and get drunk off his alcohol-saturated blood.” One of those sentences is not an actual quote. The good news for SC is that UK is coming to town. They suck.
UK 13
SC 35
CB
Kensucky 14
USCocks 28
EGM
KY 0
Cocks 31
3:30pm
Florida at LSU (-13.5)
ML
The last time UF started a Freshman QB in Death Valley, the Gators shocked the Bengals and Coach Saban to give them their only loss in a Championship year. The bad news is Chris Leak looked relatively competent prior to that game, and Jeff Driskel looks like all he can do is make one read and then try to run. Our only chance at victory is if there is a monsoon. I have no faith. LSU’s defensive front might eat Demps and Rainey and then decorate their town with the poop that results. If you have ever been to Baton Rouge, you can acknowledge that this décor will be an upgrade. We could play this game 20 times and still have no shot at winning.
Tiger bait/reverse jinx? 3
Future nat’l champs 34
CB
Gators 17
LSUcks 23 (breaks my heart)
EGM
UF 6
Tigers 17
7:00pm
Georgia at Tennessee (+2)
CB
That the last two times the Dawgs have traveled to historic Neyland Stadium it has been an unhappy experience for the pups. However, considering the last time the Gators started a freshman QB at LSU was 2003, I thought, just for the hell of it, I would remind all of you what happened when UGA played at UT in 2003: Obviously it was a different time. Florida had lost to the Vols and later that year, UT beat Bama in a scorefest. But one moment no one should forget came at the end of the first half of this game. Tennessee was driving, in fact they were at the goal line ready to score and take a 14-13 lead into the lockerroom. What happened next made everyone who hates that pale orange a Georgia fan for about 20 seconds. The UT running back fumbles the ball and UGA SS (and current Buc) Sean Jones picked it up at the 8ish yard line running 92 yards for the touchdown. The 14 pt turnaround play made the score 20-7 at the half and the Vuls never recovered. This year, unfortunately, we need the hapless vols to beat the dawgs because Georgia plays the easiest SEC schedule in YEARS this time around. After losing to Boise St and South Carolina, the Dawgs beat the Mississippi schools, and next face the Tennessee schools, followed by the Gators, Auburn and Kentucky. Aside from this game, there is a remote chance they’ll lose maybe two games, and then get blowed out in the championship game. Look, no one wants UGA representing the East this year. They are complete garbage, but unfortunately that’s all this division is producing these days…I hate this game.
Jawga 23
Tennessee 24
EGM
Dawgs 24
UT 25
ML
UGA 20
Smokey 24
Vanderbilt at Alabama (-29)
CB
Well, what can you say? If this was vandy at LSU or UT or UGA or Auburn, I would spend this whole post tearing the team a new one, but I’ll be honest, the Gators just plain old got our asses kicked last weekend. It was embarrassing but if we somehow rebound this weekend I won’t give a crap and just fall back on the fact that we were beaten by a better team. If this starts another downward spiral of losses I’m gonna go into full on freak out mode. Anyways, I know Vandy is 3-1 and 1-1 in the SEC, but they beat Ole Miss (a not-so-great-team) and lost to South Carolina (a not-so-bad-team). It should be noted that Bama is a really, really, really good team and this game, as the spread indicates, won’t be close. I see the Tide runningback completely shredding the Vandy defense and McElroy’s replacement to just “not lose the game” which is exactly what Saban wants. This game hasn’t historically been a blow out, but watch, as Marty McFly once said to Mr. Strickland, “history is gonna change”…Sidenote: I was forced to watch Back to the Future III in Spanish the other day, it was hilarious.
George McFly’s 6
Marty McFly’s 40
EGM
Vandy 0
Bama 38
ML
Vanderdork 3
Crimson Dicks 40
Auburn at Arkansas (-10)
EGM
This game was an offensive showdown last year and this year doesn’t appear to be anything different. Auburn seems to have righted the ship after a disastrous loss to mega-overrated Clemson. However, beating up on the Cocks doesn’t really say much this year given that Steven Garcia has taken up meth in addition to heavy drinking. Arkansas also had a big w last week against future SEC doormat TAMU. Overall, I think less points will be scored than all the “experts” think and Arkansas’ receivers will control the game in the end.
Plainsmen 17
Hawgs 24
ML
Auburn 20
Arky 28
CB
Aubarn 17
Arkansas 28
Ole Miss – Bye Week: Great win for the Rebs last weekend, gained some momentum…bad way to hit a bye week
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week VI
Our friend/colleague/contributor El Gran Mono is still working on this week’s masterpiece. Please pardon his tardiness and check back later...
Malt Licker
Back to reality. That phrase has echoed through my mind throughout the week as I think back to last week’s game against Alabama. The Crimson Tide is a fitting nickname for Saban’s boys. As I watched that game from the packed Swamp on a perfect night, I could see their momentum slowly build. First they came back and tied it up, then their defense gave them the lead, and then they took out our QB. It all culminated in the most predictable of crescendos, Trent Richardson shaking off a tackle and running untouched through our battered defense for a long touchdown run. It was as certain as high tide.
Cuzzin Bailey
Well, as most of us suspected, the Gators got beat last weekend to the Tide. As some of us did NOT expect, we got killed. Now, I’m not saying we would have won if Bama didn’t get that defensive line pick six or if Brantley didn’t get hurt, but I have to believe it wouldn’t have been AS bad. Our d-line was exposed against a far superior offensive line and NFL type running back. Now we must regroup for a trip into a city that should be quarantined as a municipal insane asylum, Baton Rouge. Tough place for a team, let alone a freshman QB to enter as sizable a underdog. Oh well, give’em hell Gators. On a different (sport) note, I would like to thank the Tampa Bay Rays for a great season and a decent showing in the ALDS. It would have been cool for them to win one game at home (especially one that I attended), forcing this thing to a game five but whatever, this is a year that we’re just happy to be there. I would like to thank Malt Licker for his kind words after the Rays clinched. He was right, baseball can be exciting sometimes! It’s a shame that Yankees fans can’t get excited until they are in the Series, maybe they’ll be back this year! (CB note: as of publication, the Tigers beat NYY in game five of the ALDS, so not this year. My sincere condolences) Anyways, I am pleased to announce that my wife’s and my Wild Card shirts were back ordered and so they won’t arrive until 3 days after the Rays were eliminated from the playoffs! MLB.com needs to get their act together. Anyways, I’ve rambled on too long, be sure to look me up on twitter, you may learn a thing or two about shit talk: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
Saturday, October 8, 2011
12:00pm
Mississippi State at UAB (+18.5)
EGM
ML
MSU 40
UAB 10
CB
MSU 30
Blazers 3
12:20pm
Kentucky at South Carolina (-21)
ML
How surprised would you be if you heard the Ol’ Ball Coach decapitated Stephen Garcia? Here’s a quote: "We were living through a lot of errors Stephen would make," Spurrier said. "We were hoping and believing those errors would go away. We've coached Stephen to play better, but he plays similarly about every game. Now I must lop that head off and get drunk off his alcohol-saturated blood.” One of those sentences is not an actual quote. The good news for SC is that UK is coming to town. They suck.
UK 13
SC 35
CB
Kensucky 14
USCocks 28
EGM
3:30pm
Florida at LSU (-13.5)
ML
The last time UF started a Freshman QB in Death Valley, the Gators shocked the Bengals and Coach Saban to give them their only loss in a Championship year. The bad news is Chris Leak looked relatively competent prior to that game, and Jeff Driskel looks like all he can do is make one read and then try to run. Our only chance at victory is if there is a monsoon. I have no faith. LSU’s defensive front might eat Demps and Rainey and then decorate their town with the poop that results. If you have ever been to Baton Rouge, you can acknowledge that this décor will be an upgrade. We could play this game 20 times and still have no shot at winning.
Tiger bait/reverse jinx? 3
Future nat’l champs 34
CB
Gators 17
LSUcks 23 (breaks my heart)
EGM
7:00pm
Georgia at Tennessee (+2)
CB
That the last two times the Dawgs have traveled to historic Neyland Stadium it has been an unhappy experience for the pups. However, considering the last time the Gators started a freshman QB at LSU was 2003, I thought, just for the hell of it, I would remind all of you what happened when UGA played at UT in 2003: Obviously it was a different time. Florida had lost to the Vols and later that year, UT beat Bama in a scorefest. But one moment no one should forget came at the end of the first half of this game. Tennessee was driving, in fact they were at the goal line ready to score and take a 14-13 lead into the lockerroom. What happened next made everyone who hates that pale orange a Georgia fan for about 20 seconds. The UT running back fumbles the ball and UGA SS (and current Buc) Sean Jones picked it up at the 8ish yard line running 92 yards for the touchdown. The 14 pt turnaround play made the score 20-7 at the half and the Vuls never recovered. This year, unfortunately, we need the hapless vols to beat the dawgs because Georgia plays the easiest SEC schedule in YEARS this time around. After losing to Boise St and South Carolina, the Dawgs beat the Mississippi schools, and next face the Tennessee schools, followed by the Gators, Auburn and Kentucky. Aside from this game, there is a remote chance they’ll lose maybe two games, and then get blowed out in the championship game. Look, no one wants UGA representing the East this year. They are complete garbage, but unfortunately that’s all this division is producing these days…I hate this game.
Jawga 23
Tennessee 24
EGM
ML
UGA 20
Smokey 24
Vanderbilt at Alabama (-29)
CB
Well, what can you say? If this was vandy at LSU or UT or UGA or Auburn, I would spend this whole post tearing the team a new one, but I’ll be honest, the Gators just plain old got our asses kicked last weekend. It was embarrassing but if we somehow rebound this weekend I won’t give a crap and just fall back on the fact that we were beaten by a better team. If this starts another downward spiral of losses I’m gonna go into full on freak out mode. Anyways, I know Vandy is 3-1 and 1-1 in the SEC, but they beat Ole Miss (a not-so-great-team) and lost to South Carolina (a not-so-bad-team). It should be noted that Bama is a really, really, really good team and this game, as the spread indicates, won’t be close. I see the Tide runningback completely shredding the Vandy defense and McElroy’s replacement to just “not lose the game” which is exactly what Saban wants. This game hasn’t historically been a blow out, but watch, as Marty McFly once said to Mr. Strickland, “history is gonna change”…Sidenote: I was forced to watch Back to the Future III in Spanish the other day, it was hilarious.
George McFly’s 6
Marty McFly’s 40
EGM
ML
Vanderdork 3
Crimson Dicks 40
Auburn at Arkansas (-10)
EGM
ML
Auburn 20
Arky 28
CB
Aubarn 17
Arkansas 28
Ole Miss – Bye Week: Great win for the Rebs last weekend, gained some momentum…bad way to hit a bye week
Malt Licker
Back to reality. That phrase has echoed through my mind throughout the week as I think back to last week’s game against Alabama. The Crimson Tide is a fitting nickname for Saban’s boys. As I watched that game from the packed Swamp on a perfect night, I could see their momentum slowly build. First they came back and tied it up, then their defense gave them the lead, and then they took out our QB. It all culminated in the most predictable of crescendos, Trent Richardson shaking off a tackle and running untouched through our battered defense for a long touchdown run. It was as certain as high tide.
Cuzzin Bailey
Well, as most of us suspected, the Gators got beat last weekend to the Tide. As some of us did NOT expect, we got killed. Now, I’m not saying we would have won if Bama didn’t get that defensive line pick six or if Brantley didn’t get hurt, but I have to believe it wouldn’t have been AS bad. Our d-line was exposed against a far superior offensive line and NFL type running back. Now we must regroup for a trip into a city that should be quarantined as a municipal insane asylum, Baton Rouge. Tough place for a team, let alone a freshman QB to enter as sizable a underdog. Oh well, give’em hell Gators. On a different (sport) note, I would like to thank the Tampa Bay Rays for a great season and a decent showing in the ALDS. It would have been cool for them to win one game at home (especially one that I attended), forcing this thing to a game five but whatever, this is a year that we’re just happy to be there. I would like to thank Malt Licker for his kind words after the Rays clinched. He was right, baseball can be exciting sometimes! It’s a shame that Yankees fans can’t get excited until they are in the Series, maybe they’ll be back this year! (CB note: as of publication, the Tigers beat NYY in game five of the ALDS, so not this year. My sincere condolences) Anyways, I am pleased to announce that my wife’s and my Wild Card shirts were back ordered and so they won’t arrive until 3 days after the Rays were eliminated from the playoffs! MLB.com needs to get their act together. Anyways, I’ve rambled on too long, be sure to look me up on twitter, you may learn a thing or two about shit talk: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
Saturday, October 8, 2011
12:00pm
Mississippi State at UAB (+18.5)
EGM
ML
MSU 40
UAB 10
CB
MSU 30
Blazers 3
12:20pm
Kentucky at South Carolina (-21)
ML
How surprised would you be if you heard the Ol’ Ball Coach decapitated Stephen Garcia? Here’s a quote: "We were living through a lot of errors Stephen would make," Spurrier said. "We were hoping and believing those errors would go away. We've coached Stephen to play better, but he plays similarly about every game. Now I must lop that head off and get drunk off his alcohol-saturated blood.” One of those sentences is not an actual quote. The good news for SC is that UK is coming to town. They suck.
UK 13
SC 35
CB
Kensucky 14
USCocks 28
EGM
3:30pm
Florida at LSU (-13.5)
ML
The last time UF started a Freshman QB in Death Valley, the Gators shocked the Bengals and Coach Saban to give them their only loss in a Championship year. The bad news is Chris Leak looked relatively competent prior to that game, and Jeff Driskel looks like all he can do is make one read and then try to run. Our only chance at victory is if there is a monsoon. I have no faith. LSU’s defensive front might eat Demps and Rainey and then decorate their town with the poop that results. If you have ever been to Baton Rouge, you can acknowledge that this décor will be an upgrade. We could play this game 20 times and still have no shot at winning.
Tiger bait/reverse jinx? 3
Future nat’l champs 34
CB
Gators 17
LSUcks 23 (breaks my heart)
EGM
7:00pm
Georgia at Tennessee (+2)
CB
That the last two times the Dawgs have traveled to historic Neyland Stadium it has been an unhappy experience for the pups. However, considering the last time the Gators started a freshman QB at LSU was 2003, I thought, just for the hell of it, I would remind all of you what happened when UGA played at UT in 2003: Obviously it was a different time. Florida had lost to the Vols and later that year, UT beat Bama in a scorefest. But one moment no one should forget came at the end of the first half of this game. Tennessee was driving, in fact they were at the goal line ready to score and take a 14-13 lead into the lockerroom. What happened next made everyone who hates that pale orange a Georgia fan for about 20 seconds. The UT running back fumbles the ball and UGA SS (and current Buc) Sean Jones picked it up at the 8ish yard line running 92 yards for the touchdown. The 14 pt turnaround play made the score 20-7 at the half and the Vuls never recovered. This year, unfortunately, we need the hapless vols to beat the dawgs because Georgia plays the easiest SEC schedule in YEARS this time around. After losing to Boise St and South Carolina, the Dawgs beat the Mississippi schools, and next face the Tennessee schools, followed by the Gators, Auburn and Kentucky. Aside from this game, there is a remote chance they’ll lose maybe two games, and then get blowed out in the championship game. Look, no one wants UGA representing the East this year. They are complete garbage, but unfortunately that’s all this division is producing these days…I hate this game.
Jawga 23
Tennessee 24
EGM
ML
UGA 20
Smokey 24
Vanderbilt at Alabama (-29)
CB
Well, what can you say? If this was vandy at LSU or UT or UGA or Auburn, I would spend this whole post tearing the team a new one, but I’ll be honest, the Gators just plain old got our asses kicked last weekend. It was embarrassing but if we somehow rebound this weekend I won’t give a crap and just fall back on the fact that we were beaten by a better team. If this starts another downward spiral of losses I’m gonna go into full on freak out mode. Anyways, I know Vandy is 3-1 and 1-1 in the SEC, but they beat Ole Miss (a not-so-great-team) and lost to South Carolina (a not-so-bad-team). It should be noted that Bama is a really, really, really good team and this game, as the spread indicates, won’t be close. I see the Tide runningback completely shredding the Vandy defense and McElroy’s replacement to just “not lose the game” which is exactly what Saban wants. This game hasn’t historically been a blow out, but watch, as Marty McFly once said to Mr. Strickland, “history is gonna change”…Sidenote: I was forced to watch Back to the Future III in Spanish the other day, it was hilarious.
George McFly’s 6
Marty McFly’s 40
EGM
ML
Vanderdork 3
Crimson Dicks 40
Auburn at Arkansas (-10)
EGM
ML
Auburn 20
Arky 28
CB
Aubarn 17
Arkansas 28
Ole Miss – Bye Week: Great win for the Rebs last weekend, gained some momentum…bad way to hit a bye week
Friday, September 30, 2011
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week V
El Gran Mono
Greatest sports week of all time? That’s the question I’m asking myself right now. The Rays spectacular comeback and run to the playoffs and the Gators start of the SEC gauntlet makes for some fantastic television. I hope the results are the same for the Gators as they were for the Rays. However, Saban and Miles aren’t overrated choke artists like those chumps in Boston so the odds are a little longer. I can’t wait to have a drink or two in the Sunshine State with my Boubon Boys brethren and discuss these things as well as the fate of the international banking system.
Brew of the Week: New Belgium Hoptoberfest (I’m not a fan of the Oktoberfest style of beer but this is a little slice of heaven)
Malt Licker
I would like to extend a hearty congratulations to all the die-hard Rays fans for being able to enjoy an amazing September and an incredible Wednesday night. I guess baseball can be exciting sometimes. I would also like to thank the Rays for making my month. As a Yankees fan and avid Red Sox hater, watching this epic collapse has already made my sports year. Schadenfreude, thy name is Malt Licker. The Rays comeback has set the stage for one of the bigger sports weekends in Florida in recent memory, as they head to Texas for the ALDS, my beloved Bucs return to Monday Night Football, and of course, the Gators face the biggest test of the COACH BOOM era. I’ll be making the trek up I-75 to arrive in Gainesville early on Saturday to get ready for the 8 PM kickoff. I’ll do my best to avoid inappropriate references to tornadoes and other natural disasters. I’ll keep it classy and merely question the humanity of Nick Satan.
Cuzzin Bailey
As many of you know, I am a newlywed. What some of you may NOT know is that my BourbonGirl is in fact an Alabama fan. Last year, as I noted, many of my friends and family (including the Malt Licker) were invited to Tuscaloosa for the celebration of my birthday as well as an extremely awesome tailgating scenario with my in-laws before the UF/UA game. This year, there is less of an opportunity to reciprocate the favor but the drama surrounding the game is still present. I feel like it would only be fair for the Gators to come through and win this end of the home and home, but I doubt my mother-in-law would agree haha! I don’t have this game to write about this week, so I will just say its always nice to have a clash of the class of the SEC. This game is an example of what all the other teams in the conference wish they had. Nuff said. On a different note, a HUGE shout-out to the Tampa Bay Rays for completing the greatest September comeback in MLB history by overtaking the scumbag Red Sox and “devastating” Carl Crawford! He was honestly surprised by Rays fans heckling him in left field as the season went on…Dude, you were wearing the enemy’s uniform, whatta you expect? Anyways, Saturday marks the beginning of Hell Month for UF; playing 2 top 5 teams in consecutive weeks, then at Auburn, followed by UGA. Amazing. Anyways, for more on the Gators, the Rays, movies (Point Break) and life, follow me at www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
12:00pm
Mississippi State at Georgia (-7)
EGM
A few weeks ago the world was hot-to-trot for Miss State and I heard Danny Sheridan say that Dan Mullen was the genius behind the national titles at Florida. I disagreed with Danny the Vampire at the time because he neglected to mention Percy Harvin, Tim Tebow, and Urban Meyer but what disturbed me even more was the touting of Miss State as some kind of contender. Danny M’s spread has always struggled to move the ball against quality defenses and when Chris Relf is the pilot things don’t get any better. Auburn also showed that the Miss State defense isn’t quite that great either.
As for UGA, I really don’t know what to make of them. Richt has always loved to run the ball and resort to playaction passing. This gained him the reputation as an offensive genius when David Greene, DJ Shockley, and Matt Stafford were pulling the trigger. What you should notice about that list of QBs is that they were all regarded as good but never stepped up in a game that really mattered. Sure, UGA won the SEC once but that game did not have a lot riding on it. Regarding Aaron Murray and the current Dawgs, I feel like they are the same teams as Richt’s previous teams but with less 10 win seasons (probably because the SEC is better). All that said, I still like them to crush an insignificant Miss State team and start getting hype to win the East. Unfortunately for UGA, they still have to beat UF to win the East and we know that’s not happening.
Chris Relf 17
Aaron Murray 28
ML
Western Dawgs 19
Eastern Dawgs 28
CB
Miss State 16
Jawga 24
Kentucky at LSU (-30)
ML
Thank you Kentucky. You always manage to give a team a nice boost of confidence before a big game. Honestly, who is Kentucky recruiting on defense? I’ve never seen more side-to-side/reversing of field runs in my life. If I were LSU I’d just run reverses on every play. The thought of a guy or team switching sides of the field must never occur to UK. The Tigers rolled over the Mountaineers and into the top ranking. Of course, the last time LSU faced the Cats as the #1 team, they lost. However, that Kentucky team had a competent QB and their coach was not named Joker. Jordan Jefferson’s suspension was lifted this week, so the Cats best hope is that the Mad Hatter tries to incorporate this turnover machine into the offense.
The Jokes on Blue 6
Tigers rolling 40
CB
Kats 9
Tigres 42
EGM
Kats 0
Tigers 49
Texas A&M at Arkansas (+3)
ML
The Aggies “sort of” get an introduction to the SEC. I say sort of because the game is taking place on a neutral field, away from a campus, and at an NFL stadium. It is also being played against their former SWC brethren. They’ll get their first indoctrination when they go into Bryant-Denny, Jordan-Hare and The Swamp 3 times in 4 weeks. Both teams are coming off disappointing losses last week and licking their wounds. The Hawgs were hammered in Tuscaloosa, while the Aggies blew a big lead to OSU at home. This game seems like a coin flip to me, so I’m taking Petrino and the points.
Aggies 30
Hawgs 37
CB
SEC Bound 32
Leave the SEC 33
EGM
Aggies 21
Arky 20
12:30pm
Buffalo at Tennessee (-28)
EGM
I think we have reached that phase of the season when no one cares about UT anymore and they seem to have five “Buffalos” on their schedule. How they can manage to do this and still play eight conference games is miraculous and is probably worth an extra win.
Vols 41
Buffalo 10
ML
Buffalo Buffaloes 7
Tennessee Tennesseans 41
CB
Buffalo 6
Vuls 44
3:30pm
Auburn at South Carolina (-10)
CB
Well, its pretty clear what’s up with Auburn, they are exactly what we all suspected, they AIN’T NO GOOD! South Carolina is pretty decent but nothing special at all. In fact, judging by the games these two teams have played so far this year, I would expect this game to be about as sloppy as CuzzinBailey in New Orleans, night one of the Ben Hill Griffin Bootlegger’s bachelor party. Auburn’s defense is surprisingly awful, and their offense is not that great without Cam Newton. South Carolina is making winning feel like a colonoscopy for their fans. I’m sure the Gamecocks will take this game, but I don’t like the spread with so many questions out there…
Aubarn 21
Cocks 28
EGM
Plainsmen 13
Cocks 24
ML
Plainsman 27
Cocksman 30
8:00pm
Alabama at Florida (+4)
EGM
Last year this game was hyped as a chance for the Gators to avenge their SEC Championship loss. However, anyone that watched the Gators in the first few weeks knew they were not the same caliber of team from previous years. John Brantley guiding the spread was a comedy of errors to say the least.
Many Tide fans likely see this Gator team as the same bumbling idiots with the only change being a new headcoach and an asshole OC. What they probably don’t realize is how much the change in offensive system and new found motivation has resulted in a vastly improved team. That said, the Gators still have a lot to prove, especially on offense.
The Bama defense is what it typically is: fast, disciplined, and reactive. Their offense is another story and its all because of one guy, AJ McCarron. I’ve seen him play in every game this year and I’m not impressed. Futhermore, he has yet to face obstacle like the Swamp and the Gator offense.
This game looks to take offense back 100 years. I’d love to pick my Gators but my gut tells me John Brantley doesn’t have it in him. I hope he proves otherwise.
Tide 13
Gators 10
ML
Tide 17
Gators 12
CB
Bama 20
Florida 21
9:15pm
Ole Miss at Fresno St (-3.5)
CB
While some of my in-laws are Bama fans, the rest support the Rebels. I really want them to do well for that fact, but look, that just ain’t happening. I’ll bet they are seriously regretting scheduling a game like this, huh? Travel out to California for a night game after a serious skid, in retrospect that seems exactly the opposite of what they would want. Look, I’ll be honest, I don’t know anything about Fresno State (other than that’s where Daniel Laruso moved from Jersey with his mom in Karate Kid), and their head coach looks like a dog. Ole Miss is underachieving again this year. This is probably the most frustrating team in the SEC that I don’t hate. (Tennessee and UGA are definitely 1A and 1B for all teams). They have had 2 coaches that have had quite a bit of success at other SEC schools in the past decade (Tuberville and now Nutt), but they just can’t get over that hump. You can always expect them to have at least 1 good win a year, but unfortunately this one ain’t it.
Ole Miss 20
Fresno-san 27
EGM
Black Bears 10
Fresno 20
ML
Dilfer U 34
Eli U 20
Vanderbilt – Bye Week – Really not worth saying anything here.
Greatest sports week of all time? That’s the question I’m asking myself right now. The Rays spectacular comeback and run to the playoffs and the Gators start of the SEC gauntlet makes for some fantastic television. I hope the results are the same for the Gators as they were for the Rays. However, Saban and Miles aren’t overrated choke artists like those chumps in Boston so the odds are a little longer. I can’t wait to have a drink or two in the Sunshine State with my Boubon Boys brethren and discuss these things as well as the fate of the international banking system.
Brew of the Week: New Belgium Hoptoberfest (I’m not a fan of the Oktoberfest style of beer but this is a little slice of heaven)
Malt Licker
I would like to extend a hearty congratulations to all the die-hard Rays fans for being able to enjoy an amazing September and an incredible Wednesday night. I guess baseball can be exciting sometimes. I would also like to thank the Rays for making my month. As a Yankees fan and avid Red Sox hater, watching this epic collapse has already made my sports year. Schadenfreude, thy name is Malt Licker. The Rays comeback has set the stage for one of the bigger sports weekends in Florida in recent memory, as they head to Texas for the ALDS, my beloved Bucs return to Monday Night Football, and of course, the Gators face the biggest test of the COACH BOOM era. I’ll be making the trek up I-75 to arrive in Gainesville early on Saturday to get ready for the 8 PM kickoff. I’ll do my best to avoid inappropriate references to tornadoes and other natural disasters. I’ll keep it classy and merely question the humanity of Nick Satan.
Cuzzin Bailey
As many of you know, I am a newlywed. What some of you may NOT know is that my BourbonGirl is in fact an Alabama fan. Last year, as I noted, many of my friends and family (including the Malt Licker) were invited to Tuscaloosa for the celebration of my birthday as well as an extremely awesome tailgating scenario with my in-laws before the UF/UA game. This year, there is less of an opportunity to reciprocate the favor but the drama surrounding the game is still present. I feel like it would only be fair for the Gators to come through and win this end of the home and home, but I doubt my mother-in-law would agree haha! I don’t have this game to write about this week, so I will just say its always nice to have a clash of the class of the SEC. This game is an example of what all the other teams in the conference wish they had. Nuff said. On a different note, a HUGE shout-out to the Tampa Bay Rays for completing the greatest September comeback in MLB history by overtaking the scumbag Red Sox and “devastating” Carl Crawford! He was honestly surprised by Rays fans heckling him in left field as the season went on…Dude, you were wearing the enemy’s uniform, whatta you expect? Anyways, Saturday marks the beginning of Hell Month for UF; playing 2 top 5 teams in consecutive weeks, then at Auburn, followed by UGA. Amazing. Anyways, for more on the Gators, the Rays, movies (Point Break) and life, follow me at www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
12:00pm
Mississippi State at Georgia (-7)
EGM
A few weeks ago the world was hot-to-trot for Miss State and I heard Danny Sheridan say that Dan Mullen was the genius behind the national titles at Florida. I disagreed with Danny the Vampire at the time because he neglected to mention Percy Harvin, Tim Tebow, and Urban Meyer but what disturbed me even more was the touting of Miss State as some kind of contender. Danny M’s spread has always struggled to move the ball against quality defenses and when Chris Relf is the pilot things don’t get any better. Auburn also showed that the Miss State defense isn’t quite that great either.
As for UGA, I really don’t know what to make of them. Richt has always loved to run the ball and resort to playaction passing. This gained him the reputation as an offensive genius when David Greene, DJ Shockley, and Matt Stafford were pulling the trigger. What you should notice about that list of QBs is that they were all regarded as good but never stepped up in a game that really mattered. Sure, UGA won the SEC once but that game did not have a lot riding on it. Regarding Aaron Murray and the current Dawgs, I feel like they are the same teams as Richt’s previous teams but with less 10 win seasons (probably because the SEC is better). All that said, I still like them to crush an insignificant Miss State team and start getting hype to win the East. Unfortunately for UGA, they still have to beat UF to win the East and we know that’s not happening.
Chris Relf 17
Aaron Murray 28
ML
Western Dawgs 19
Eastern Dawgs 28
CB
Miss State 16
Jawga 24
Kentucky at LSU (-30)
ML
Thank you Kentucky. You always manage to give a team a nice boost of confidence before a big game. Honestly, who is Kentucky recruiting on defense? I’ve never seen more side-to-side/reversing of field runs in my life. If I were LSU I’d just run reverses on every play. The thought of a guy or team switching sides of the field must never occur to UK. The Tigers rolled over the Mountaineers and into the top ranking. Of course, the last time LSU faced the Cats as the #1 team, they lost. However, that Kentucky team had a competent QB and their coach was not named Joker. Jordan Jefferson’s suspension was lifted this week, so the Cats best hope is that the Mad Hatter tries to incorporate this turnover machine into the offense.
The Jokes on Blue 6
Tigers rolling 40
CB
Kats 9
Tigres 42
EGM
Kats 0
Tigers 49
Texas A&M at Arkansas (+3)
ML
The Aggies “sort of” get an introduction to the SEC. I say sort of because the game is taking place on a neutral field, away from a campus, and at an NFL stadium. It is also being played against their former SWC brethren. They’ll get their first indoctrination when they go into Bryant-Denny, Jordan-Hare and The Swamp 3 times in 4 weeks. Both teams are coming off disappointing losses last week and licking their wounds. The Hawgs were hammered in Tuscaloosa, while the Aggies blew a big lead to OSU at home. This game seems like a coin flip to me, so I’m taking Petrino and the points.
Aggies 30
Hawgs 37
CB
SEC Bound 32
Leave the SEC 33
EGM
Aggies 21
Arky 20
12:30pm
Buffalo at Tennessee (-28)
EGM
I think we have reached that phase of the season when no one cares about UT anymore and they seem to have five “Buffalos” on their schedule. How they can manage to do this and still play eight conference games is miraculous and is probably worth an extra win.
Vols 41
Buffalo 10
ML
Buffalo Buffaloes 7
Tennessee Tennesseans 41
CB
Buffalo 6
Vuls 44
3:30pm
Auburn at South Carolina (-10)
CB
Well, its pretty clear what’s up with Auburn, they are exactly what we all suspected, they AIN’T NO GOOD! South Carolina is pretty decent but nothing special at all. In fact, judging by the games these two teams have played so far this year, I would expect this game to be about as sloppy as CuzzinBailey in New Orleans, night one of the Ben Hill Griffin Bootlegger’s bachelor party. Auburn’s defense is surprisingly awful, and their offense is not that great without Cam Newton. South Carolina is making winning feel like a colonoscopy for their fans. I’m sure the Gamecocks will take this game, but I don’t like the spread with so many questions out there…
Aubarn 21
Cocks 28
EGM
Plainsmen 13
Cocks 24
ML
Plainsman 27
Cocksman 30
8:00pm
Alabama at Florida (+4)
EGM
Last year this game was hyped as a chance for the Gators to avenge their SEC Championship loss. However, anyone that watched the Gators in the first few weeks knew they were not the same caliber of team from previous years. John Brantley guiding the spread was a comedy of errors to say the least.
Many Tide fans likely see this Gator team as the same bumbling idiots with the only change being a new headcoach and an asshole OC. What they probably don’t realize is how much the change in offensive system and new found motivation has resulted in a vastly improved team. That said, the Gators still have a lot to prove, especially on offense.
The Bama defense is what it typically is: fast, disciplined, and reactive. Their offense is another story and its all because of one guy, AJ McCarron. I’ve seen him play in every game this year and I’m not impressed. Futhermore, he has yet to face obstacle like the Swamp and the Gator offense.
This game looks to take offense back 100 years. I’d love to pick my Gators but my gut tells me John Brantley doesn’t have it in him. I hope he proves otherwise.
Tide 13
Gators 10
ML
Tide 17
Gators 12
CB
Bama 20
Florida 21
9:15pm
Ole Miss at Fresno St (-3.5)
CB
While some of my in-laws are Bama fans, the rest support the Rebels. I really want them to do well for that fact, but look, that just ain’t happening. I’ll bet they are seriously regretting scheduling a game like this, huh? Travel out to California for a night game after a serious skid, in retrospect that seems exactly the opposite of what they would want. Look, I’ll be honest, I don’t know anything about Fresno State (other than that’s where Daniel Laruso moved from Jersey with his mom in Karate Kid), and their head coach looks like a dog. Ole Miss is underachieving again this year. This is probably the most frustrating team in the SEC that I don’t hate. (Tennessee and UGA are definitely 1A and 1B for all teams). They have had 2 coaches that have had quite a bit of success at other SEC schools in the past decade (Tuberville and now Nutt), but they just can’t get over that hump. You can always expect them to have at least 1 good win a year, but unfortunately this one ain’t it.
Ole Miss 20
Fresno-san 27
EGM
Black Bears 10
Fresno 20
ML
Dilfer U 34
Eli U 20
Vanderbilt – Bye Week – Really not worth saying anything here.
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