Malt Licker
The long scandal-filled offseason is finally over, and by the time you read this you may have already watched your first college football game. Days like today make me wish I were still in college. Actually, any day of the week that ends in “-day” make me wish I were still in college. However, all is not lost, as in approximately 33 hours I will be pretending I’m in college while getting housed in
Cuzzin’ Bailey
Good lord … has it seemed like forever to yall? … I have been itching to be back in the realm of College Football. I can’t lie to my loyal readers … I have been drinking so please ignore my ramblings … but it brings a damn tear to my eye when I realize that the Gators and the rest of the teams are fixing to start the new season off in a few shorts days (hours) … WE did in fact win The National Championship last year and that can do nothing but make life sweeter … sure we’re not the same team … sure our defense is depleted … but that isn’t on my mind … my legs are shakin’ my pulse is racin’ … it is time to get up off your feet and thank God that He has blessed us with other glorious season … I’m gonna talk extemporaneously for a few seconds if you don’t mind … Now that I no longer find myself burdened with the need to appease an outside presence, I feel that this clarity will provide me with the ability to regain the picks title …
El Gran Mono
It’s finally September and the weeks of no football are over. Crack open the Maker’s Mark and Busch Light because its time for SEC football. Last year, I did not defend my picks crown with honor. I feel that my angst concerning the Internet Gambling ban affected my attitude towards ATS picks. Well, that’s all over now and the gloves are officially off. My fellow pickers beware. I lack permanent employment and do not have limitless golf haunting my spare time. And if you didn’t hear, THE FLORIDA GATORS kicked some
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Western Kentucky @
ML
Thank you Lincoln Financial! I’ve always wanted to die while at a football game. Given my custom on trips to Gville. Death via heat stroke is certainly possible. I will be drinking heavily Friday, sleeping little, and then waking up early to drink some more. Mix in a heat index of 110 degrees and my sweat hog tendencies, and this could be the last time you all get to read me. Dry your tears though, it’s TEBOW TIME!
Hilltoppers 3
Millhoppers 60
CB
I love Florida … I’m just gonna say it so there isn’t any misunderstanding … I’m not gonna write about this game cause frankly I don’t know anything abut the Hilltoppers … I mean I assume they have gorgeous blonde honeys …But that’s where my so-called knowledge ends … I do know this … Meyer is still worried about the Gators D … that is def a cause for concern for the season, but certainly not in this game … No need to worry about this one … But while we’re not on the subject, as my esteemed colleague aka El Gran Mono believes, we have no business playing these craptastic teams anymore … I am inclined to agree … now that we have the 12th game, and at least 6 home games, that its time to get some real competition in at least one of these slots … as long as its later in the year as far as I’m concerned …
Hilltoppahs 9
God’s Team 55
EGM
There is no better way to open a National Championship defense then with a Sun Belt foe. Well, actually there is, but we NEED seven home games. I remember when we only needed six. I’m not buying it. This game is going to get ugly very quick.
Hilltoppin’ our asses back to KY 6
Tebow like cupcakes 56
Ole Miss @ Memphis (+2.5), 3:30
ML
This is quite a tradition. Ole Piss v.
Orgerons 16
Memfrikaners 19
CB
Hooray … the old Ole Mess/Memphrica match up … I am so glad this game is in the mix every year at this time … I mean I sit at home waiting for this game every off season … I’m kidding of course … Seriously … Pick any two other teams in the college football world and I guaran-damn-tee that I would be more interested in that match-up … oh well … shit .. I’m just gonna guess on this one as I do every time …
Rebs 23
Anti-Rebs 20
EGM
An actual competitive game on Week One. Crazy. The Orgeron takes his Visigoths into
No Schaeffer = Win 24
Eastern Kentucky @
ML
Man, you must really suck if you can’t get a line against
Redneck Moonshine 10
Real Bourbon 31
CB
Kentucky in a No Line game … the Apocalypse is on … I’m gonna go on a limb here cause that’s what I do …
We’re Worse than Western 12
Better than Both 40
EGM
I wonder if the Eastern KY Colonels are named after Colonel Sanders!
“Where students and learning come FIRST” 13
“Where basketball comes FIRST!” 55
ML
I must admit, I know next to nothing about
Not the
Not the
CB
A real game … the first of three this week … however … I still can’t muster up a care in this world … I’m real proud of UGA to be playin’ a pseudo real team … esp one that warrants such a close spread … but for me to pick this properly I would have to know something about the Cowboys … and alas I do not … The Dawgs are favored … I’m a huge fan of early season spreads cause the nerds that put those together probably read up on something … by the way, I still hate jawga … but not as much as the jack ass Seminoles … one bad thing about living in FL …
Okie State 22
We Wear Jean Shorts TOO 27
EGM
Above average Big 12 team 24
Above average SEC team 34
Western Carolina @
ML
The Chanticleers...actually...its not the Chanticleers, that is Coastal Carolina. I really wanted this to be the Chanticleers. This tells you all you need to know about
Worse than Navy 6
Satan’s a liar 27
CB
What do you want me to say? I’m happy that Saban proved he is no better than Spurrier by moving onto a rival of his old team? … Not really … I actually hate him … not cause of this move per say … but just cause folks think (esp the 90,000+ who went to the Bama Spring game) that this will automatically legitimize them … I mean as a future recruit of the Tide, aren’t you concerned that Nick is gonna bolt for the next big contract that is shoved down his throat? … I mean the guy couldn’t win with a hurt Dante Culpepper … how good could he possibly be? …
Where is
Prothro’s Sugar Daddy 37
EGM
Catamounts 0
Satan is back 52
ML
Can the trojans give this Nutt a scare? Is there any doubt all 3 prognosticators will reference testicles and prophylactics?
Queers of
Hawgs 17
CB
Gators are playing them next week? … Oh … As I was saying … Kudos to Some what-Kansas to schedule such a titan … The Men of Troy gave FSU a “run” for their money last year … funny all the Razorbacks do is “run” … should be fun … and by fun I mean shitty
Trojans were gay 13
McFadden isn’t just a bar 35
EGM
Back to
Nuttin’ some Trojans 41
ML
Bad news for the Spiders. It’s way too early in the academic calendar to even have a quiz. Maybe some of the Vanderdorks have Chem lab or something.
Itsy Bitsy Score 6
High Marks 41
CB
Excuse me what? … Vandy is graced with a no liner? … fuck this noise … I don’t hate the Spiders, just certain folks who went there … like this intern that blew me off … what? … Wait, was that out loud? …
Sneaky Spider Bastards 13
Vandee 20 x pi
EGM
After going to the
Spidermen 6
Chris Nickson TDs 7
Louisiana-Lafayette @
ML
Steve v. Lou-La….Click Clack Click Clack!!!! SpurDog needs to worry about his boozehound QB and his penchant for drunken shenanigans. Maybe he should have his wife talk to Blakey. I hear she’s had to deal with a drunken QB a time or two in her day.
Make les marquis proud 2
Cock clack Cock Clack 33
CB
Jesus!!! … another shit box SEC team with an NL? … Spur-dawg has another suspended player … was this another shithead that he promised a scholarship if he could tie his shoes? …
L-LAY 17
USC 39
EGM
What will
My guess: Win.
Ragin’ does not mean good 10
Drawin’ up ballplays 56
ML
When is K-State going to get back to the days of openly cheating, recruiting steroid-bred freaks from the 13 JUCOs that populate the state, constantly whining about respect, and then getting killed in Bowl Games. I hope Awbarn rips the shit out of them…and I hate
Awbarn 34
K-State 17
CB
I like the juevos on Auburn to bring in an actual opponent this week … but regardless of the game, I have absolutely no doubt that the referees will make sure that this one goes in favor of WAR DAMN EAGLE … God I hate that….
The other
Our Wallets are Bigger than Your Population 29
EGM
If
No more Bill Snyder patsies 9
Very little Cox 23
ML
Game of the week! Can the Bears get revenge against Ainge and a slimmed down Phat Phil? Who cares…the big story here is the clash of cultures about to take place in
Vawwwlz 22
Bearzzz 20
CB
If all goes according to plan, I will be in the arms of a gorgeous Asian stripper by the time this game kicks off … sorry wrong blog … oh right … here’s an actual game to discuss … too bad I’m spent and I hate the Volunteers … did I ever tell yall that I saw Phat Phil speak one time … he made a crack on the Gators … what a dick … I think he was just pissed that St Pete didn’t supply enough McRibwiches … man that does sound good come to think of it … nevertheless … I can’t wait til the UF UT match up in a few weeks … oh yea … Cal is in California … sweet
Mmmm-McRibwich 23
Left-Coast 21
EGM
The Vols were +3 in this game last year and totally smoked the Berkely libs. I don’t see the result being much different this year.
Ainge for Heisman? 31
Pussy ass Bears 17
Non-SEC Game of the Week
Monday, September 3, 2007
ML
Bowden Bowl. Insert obligatory Bowden inbred joke, rinse, repeat. We’ll see how well F$U’s new offensive staff has fared with this early test. The real key is the Nole$ run defense and how it will fare against CJ Spiller and James Davis. If they can contain those two, they’ll get a nice head start in their quest to unseat…haha….Wake…haha…
$cuminole$ 22
Still the worst bowden 16
CB
I am so glad we stopped picking the FSU and
WE Won…No we lost 23
No Dad, We’ll Lose This Time 14
EGM
Bowden Bowl, how exciting? Do you think they’ll show Ann and her dementia created sweater? I just threw up in my mouth. F$U’s defense looks pretty nasty and will be able to stop the run. Clemson’s inexperienced QBs will have to throw to win and they will be facing some serious pressure. It would seem like an F$U ass kicking unless you forget about the lethargy of the Nole$ running game and spastic QB play. I can see Jimbo Fisher having a big improvement in the future but you won’t see the results in one game.
The Curse of Jeff Bowden 10
