Malt Licker
Wasn’t it nice to have a stress-free Saturday? I’m going to shift gears and take a more tolerant and civil tone. Hopefully, it will lead to better results for our Gators and the much-maligned new coaching staff. Is the name DJ Durkin officially a punch line? Please bear in mind, that if we lose to Georgia this week, all bets are off. The last two weeks will seem like a second grade book report about pandas. This week’s slate of games is rather mundane. Everyone is gearing up for LSU/BAMA two weeks from now. I suppose there is some interest in A&M/Mizzou, from whom I’m not terribly sure.
El Gran Mono
For some reason I feel exceptionally good this Friday. Perhaps it’s the nip in the air or my forthcoming trip to the land of shamrocks and Guinness…or maybe it’s the hourly chants and bucket drums of Occupy DC. No matter the reason, I’m hoping my good vibes can infect the Gators. It appears that JB3’s ankle is feeling better and Chuck Weis has prepared all of the QBs so we are off to good start. UGA is always ripe for the taking and there is no doubt that Dawg fans have piss running down their leg as we speak (and not just because of too many brews at the Landing). JB3 has a chance to sweep the Dawgs as a starter and Muschamp has a chance to revive this trainwreck of a season. Let’s like this firecracker!
Brew of the week: Staropramen. Great hoppy flavor with a clean pilsner finish. Goes great with a World Series Game 7.
Cuzzin Bailey
For those of you keeping score, this is the first “Cocktail Party” I have missed in four years; of course it didn’t hurt that I was living in Jacksonville during that time. Anyways, I saw 2 complete blowouts and last year’s thrilling OT victory. If there is one thing I learned during my lifetime is that it doesn’t matter how overhyped Georgia is, or how many awesome players they have, or how big a’underdogs we are, there is ALWAYS a pretty good chance we’ll beat the Dawgs. Take 2008 for instance: the year before, UGA beat UF and jumped all over the endzone like a bunch of psychopaths; the next year (08), Georgia fans bought so many tickets and were talking SO much smack (come to think of it, that’s their MO every year) and what happened? Huge blowout and well before the 4th quarter their side of the field was practically empty. 09, same thing. Last year, the first half domination by the Gators saw many of their hate-filled fans heading for the exits early enough to miss their comeback and eventual loss. It was outstanding. Just thinking about all the wins I have seen in Jacksonville makes me so happy. I love how obnoxious the Dawgs fans are before the game and how completely humiliated they become when they realize its no longer the 70s/80s. Note to Georgia fans: Hershel Walker is gone and ain’t never coming back, no matter how much money you offer him (again, GD cheaters). Anyways, I hate Vince Dooley more today than I did when I first learned that he is the one that turned UF in to the NCAA in the 80s to cover up their own illegal recruiting and other violations. Anyways, I’m sure Malt Licker will appreciate that I’m filling up with hate, only for now its directed at my enemies. For more of this nonsense, I’ll see you on twitter, www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
12:00 PM
Missouri at Texas A&M -10
ML
The Aggies are looking to “gig” the Tigers (so we will now have 3 different Tigers in the conference?) and end a two game losing streak. I will be watching this game to see who I can hate the most when they join our conference. A&M sports a jerk-off head coach in Mike “put a jersey on” Sherman, who I will always remember for confronting Warren Sapp for an imminently clean block on Chad Clifton during a Bucs/Packers game. It looks like the Packers decision to can him worked out pretty well for them. Nevertheless, Sherman’s Aggies are on a roll offensively and the Tigers can’t stop anyone. Lay the points.
Tigers Part 3 28
Agriculturals 45
EGM
Mizzou 27
Tejas A&M 28
CB
SEC? 17
Already In 43
12:21 PM
Arkansas at Vanderbilt +10
EGM
I’m not sure what to think about Arkansas after their lackluster performance against the Black Bears. Bobby Petrino’s offense never seems to be out of any game but his defense is certainly suspect (giving up more than 14 points to Ole Miss will do that). However, the cure for any defense is the Vanderbilt offense. Only giving 10 points to Vandy is crazy talk.
Hawgs 38
Vandy 10
CB
Arkansas 30
Vandie 7
ML
‘Backs 31
‘Dores 20
3:30 PM
Florida vs. Georgia -3 (at Jacksonville)
ML
I just reviewed my first post of the season, where I expressed reservations about having to rely on Johnny B. Little did I know that the offense would totally fall apart without him and our coaching staff would be totally inept and dealing with his absence? Needless to say, this game will go a long way toward determining the direction of the Will Muschamp era. Right now it is feeling a little Zookian. An objective analysis of this game clearly shows that Georgia should be favored. However, they have been favored against the Gators in the past, and typically find a way to blow it. Clearly a loss to this Gators squad would sound the death knell for pRicht’s tenure in Athens, and may lead to an ingestion of hemlock. I’d love to pick us to win, but I Durkin’s hapless special teams will cost us another victory.
Gators 20
Dawgs 22
EGM
Gators 28
Dawgs 17
CB
GATORS 20
SlimeDogs 19
7:00 PM
Ole Miss at Auburn -12
EGM
Ole Miss should really be focused on this game because it is likely their only chance at victory in the SEC. Auburn is just sluggish enough to allow the Rebbears to hang around with their “don’t try to score” offense. However, given this game is at Jerden Hare and at night, the Plainsmen should eventually pull away. I’d discuss the nightmarish haircuts that will be prevalent at this game but that would be a tired take on my part. Whoops…
Rebs 10
Plainsmen 24
CB
Ole Miss 17
Auburn 21
ML
Ole Piss 11
Auburn 31
Mississippi St. at Kentucky +10
CB
I would give Vandy a better shot at beating MSU than the Kats, like anyone in Lexington really cares, (don’t worry, its almost basketball season). SEC east is just so pathetic this year that I am blindly confident that any SEC west team could beat this squad. I was so wrong last week about Ole Miss that I don’t even know if I should complete this sentence.
Mess St 17
Kensucky 3
ML
MSU 13
Wildcats 2
EGM
Miss State 31
KY 7
7:15 PM
South Carolina at Tennessee +4
CB
The Cocks need a little help to get back to the SECCG. Obviously not losing to UT would be a step in the right direction. The spread in this game directly reflects the loss of Marcus Lattimore for the season. Considering how uncertain the games between the mortal teams have been this year and how awful the gamecocks looked on the road last week, I am gonna go crazy for a minute and call for the upset of the week here…
Cocks 17
Tennessee 20
ML
Cocks 17
Vols 19
EGM
Cocks 13
Vols 14
Alabama – BYE WEEK
LSU – BYE WEEK
Friday, October 28, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week VIII
El Gran Mono
The best thing part about this week, the Gators aren’t playing. I’m taking all of Saturday off for mental health purposes. I recommend you do the same. After all, the game to end all games isn’t for two more weeks. I highly doubt there will be any synthetic drug suspensions between then and now. But perhaps that’s the conspiracy theorist in me.
Brew of the week: Widmer Brothers Bourbon Barrel Ale. Great flavor, easy finish and mixes well with tears and anger. Hopefully someone from Portland will bring you some. Thanks @joemorganfan.
Malt Licker
Whooohooo!!! It’s the third Saturday in October!!! Ohhh the pageantry!!! I thought I may have been a bit…harsh…last week, but the feedback on twitter led me to believe that the people love anger and insensitivity. I honestly don’t know how anyone could watch the Gators this year and feel anything but anger. Anger at Coach Boom for the penalties and pathetic special teams play….Anger at Urban for leaving us with no playmakers….Anger at Charlie Weis and his fat upper pussy area. We could honestly lose to fucking Vanderbilt this year. I just read that Missouri’s curators have given the chancellor authority to move to the SEC. It’s nice because UF will have a new partner in suck. The only thing I have to look forward this month is the premiere of Beavis & Butthead. Book your tickets for Shreveport! I hear it is lovely in late December.
Cuzzin Bailey
Another three game skid. Another year of getting owned by the SEC West. This is turning into a terrible trend. As pissed as most of you probably are…Oh great, my apathy for this season has been compounded by the fact that this is a bye week and is trying to take over this post. Let me see if I can fight the boredom: We really need to beat UGA next week and my wife and I are going to the Vandy game in two weeks, so my lack of enthusiasm is tempered by the near future. The Johnny Brantley scenario is in full on controversy mode. Coach Boom says he should be back by Monday etc, but unnamed sources are saying the injury is far worse than is being reported. I’m sorry, but to even imply that a school would be less than honest about the health of one of its players is incredibly NOT shocking. I think it would be great to get JBIII back but we’re still gonna need to run the ball effectively against decent defenses, which has vexed us as of late. I wouldn’t blame you if you stopped reading by now. Hell, I’m just mailing this part in anyways. Me, twitter, follow (figure out the order): www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
12:00pm
Jacksonville State at Kentucky (OFF)
ML
I’d rather drink lemon-scented Mr. Clean than watch this abortion of a game. I’d rather watch a fart dissipate in the wind
JSU 3
UK 40
CB
Jax Stizzle 13
Kensucky 30
EGM
Jax State 10
KY 20
12:21pm
Arkansas at Ole Miss (+16)
CB
While I’m certainly not “rooting” for Arkansas in this game, I am not a fan of Houston Nutt, so the expected result is probably what’s best for everyone. The other Bourbon Boys used to “s” Nutt’s “d” when he was the coach at the Razorbacks from some unknown reason while I always shit on him. Given the fact that he’s a second rate coach and (aside from two decent years at Murray State), he has lost 3 or more games in every year of his coaching career, I have no clue why anyone would defend this sack of shit. (Btw, that stat includes going 10-4 in 2006 and winning the then down SEC West). Not saying that Ole Miss needs a world class coach, but everyone deserves someone better than him. I pretty much hate the guy. In regards to the game, it seems that the Ole Miss party factory is in for yet another disappointing game. Arkansas is probably gonna throw all over the Rebs and given the way Ole Miss is playing this year, I would take this spread all day, like I give a shit.
Arky 40
Ole Miss 14
EGM
Hawgs 38
Ole mIss 0
ML
Arky 40
Ole Piss 10
3:30pm
Auburn at LSU (-21.5)
EGM
I just can’t believe that the team of 21st century (Part II) would have guys that are using synthetic drugs. What makes it even harder to believe is the fact that one of the dudes has the fun nickname “honey badger”? Maybe he should just stick to eating grass.
I’d give Auburn half a chance if this game was on the Plains. But since they are playing in the shithole otherwise known as Death Valley they will probably get smoked. However, with Jarrett Lee at the helm 21.5 is just too much to ask for… even with synthetic drugs at your disposal.
Plainsmen 10
Tigers 24
ML
War Eagle Shit Droppings 10
Bayou Shit Bengals 40
CB
Trashbin Tigers 16
Dirttrash Tigers 30
7:00pm
Army at Vanderbilt (-10.5)
EGM
Any team that is getting 11 points against Vandy is absolutely awful. Do not watch this game.
Knights 13
Vandy 28
ML
Cadets 20
Dabney Colemans 17
CB
Army 17
Vandy 27
7:15pm
Tennessee at Alabama (29.5)
ML
Is there a river route from Knoxville to Tuscaloosa? We all know that the Tornado Freeway empties there. Unfortunately for the inbred mountain clowns from Knoxville, I do not believe the Vol Navy has anywhere to disembark. This will be another epic slaughter for Saban. Alabama might not lose another game for the rest of our lives. By that time, they might have rebuilt their town, which was decimated by that hurricane.
Orange Pukes 7
Crimson Jerks 40
CB
Smokey Sucks 7
Bama 40
EGM
Vols 3
Bama 24
The best thing part about this week, the Gators aren’t playing. I’m taking all of Saturday off for mental health purposes. I recommend you do the same. After all, the game to end all games isn’t for two more weeks. I highly doubt there will be any synthetic drug suspensions between then and now. But perhaps that’s the conspiracy theorist in me.
Brew of the week: Widmer Brothers Bourbon Barrel Ale. Great flavor, easy finish and mixes well with tears and anger. Hopefully someone from Portland will bring you some. Thanks @joemorganfan.
Malt Licker
Whooohooo!!! It’s the third Saturday in October!!! Ohhh the pageantry!!! I thought I may have been a bit…harsh…last week, but the feedback on twitter led me to believe that the people love anger and insensitivity. I honestly don’t know how anyone could watch the Gators this year and feel anything but anger. Anger at Coach Boom for the penalties and pathetic special teams play….Anger at Urban for leaving us with no playmakers….Anger at Charlie Weis and his fat upper pussy area. We could honestly lose to fucking Vanderbilt this year. I just read that Missouri’s curators have given the chancellor authority to move to the SEC. It’s nice because UF will have a new partner in suck. The only thing I have to look forward this month is the premiere of Beavis & Butthead. Book your tickets for Shreveport! I hear it is lovely in late December.
Cuzzin Bailey
Another three game skid. Another year of getting owned by the SEC West. This is turning into a terrible trend. As pissed as most of you probably are…Oh great, my apathy for this season has been compounded by the fact that this is a bye week and is trying to take over this post. Let me see if I can fight the boredom: We really need to beat UGA next week and my wife and I are going to the Vandy game in two weeks, so my lack of enthusiasm is tempered by the near future. The Johnny Brantley scenario is in full on controversy mode. Coach Boom says he should be back by Monday etc, but unnamed sources are saying the injury is far worse than is being reported. I’m sorry, but to even imply that a school would be less than honest about the health of one of its players is incredibly NOT shocking. I think it would be great to get JBIII back but we’re still gonna need to run the ball effectively against decent defenses, which has vexed us as of late. I wouldn’t blame you if you stopped reading by now. Hell, I’m just mailing this part in anyways. Me, twitter, follow (figure out the order): www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
12:00pm
Jacksonville State at Kentucky (OFF)
ML
I’d rather drink lemon-scented Mr. Clean than watch this abortion of a game. I’d rather watch a fart dissipate in the wind
JSU 3
UK 40
CB
Jax Stizzle 13
Kensucky 30
EGM
Jax State 10
KY 20
12:21pm
Arkansas at Ole Miss (+16)
CB
While I’m certainly not “rooting” for Arkansas in this game, I am not a fan of Houston Nutt, so the expected result is probably what’s best for everyone. The other Bourbon Boys used to “s” Nutt’s “d” when he was the coach at the Razorbacks from some unknown reason while I always shit on him. Given the fact that he’s a second rate coach and (aside from two decent years at Murray State), he has lost 3 or more games in every year of his coaching career, I have no clue why anyone would defend this sack of shit. (Btw, that stat includes going 10-4 in 2006 and winning the then down SEC West). Not saying that Ole Miss needs a world class coach, but everyone deserves someone better than him. I pretty much hate the guy. In regards to the game, it seems that the Ole Miss party factory is in for yet another disappointing game. Arkansas is probably gonna throw all over the Rebs and given the way Ole Miss is playing this year, I would take this spread all day, like I give a shit.
Arky 40
Ole Miss 14
EGM
Hawgs 38
Ole mIss 0
ML
Arky 40
Ole Piss 10
3:30pm
Auburn at LSU (-21.5)
EGM
I just can’t believe that the team of 21st century (Part II) would have guys that are using synthetic drugs. What makes it even harder to believe is the fact that one of the dudes has the fun nickname “honey badger”? Maybe he should just stick to eating grass.
I’d give Auburn half a chance if this game was on the Plains. But since they are playing in the shithole otherwise known as Death Valley they will probably get smoked. However, with Jarrett Lee at the helm 21.5 is just too much to ask for… even with synthetic drugs at your disposal.
Plainsmen 10
Tigers 24
ML
War Eagle Shit Droppings 10
Bayou Shit Bengals 40
CB
Trashbin Tigers 16
Dirttrash Tigers 30
7:00pm
Army at Vanderbilt (-10.5)
EGM
Any team that is getting 11 points against Vandy is absolutely awful. Do not watch this game.
Knights 13
Vandy 28
ML
Cadets 20
Dabney Colemans 17
CB
Army 17
Vandy 27
7:15pm
Tennessee at Alabama (29.5)
ML
Is there a river route from Knoxville to Tuscaloosa? We all know that the Tornado Freeway empties there. Unfortunately for the inbred mountain clowns from Knoxville, I do not believe the Vol Navy has anywhere to disembark. This will be another epic slaughter for Saban. Alabama might not lose another game for the rest of our lives. By that time, they might have rebuilt their town, which was decimated by that hurricane.
Orange Pukes 7
Crimson Jerks 40
CB
Smokey Sucks 7
Bama 40
EGM
Vols 3
Bama 24
Friday, October 14, 2011
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week VII
Cuzzin Bailey
Another game, another loss. Eh, what are you gonna do? I could go on and on about how these aren’t Muschamp’s ideal players, how they are smaller (and fast yes, I get it) than he prefers, but I’m not going to waste your time. All I know is its dumb luck coincidence that we played the No. 2 team and then the No. 1 team two weeks in a row, so I’m not giving any credence to that “worst back to back losses” in a while or whatever talk. We are NOT in the same class as LSU and Bama at the moment and would probably finished 4th in SEC West, same potential result as last year. Teams go through this…step back from the ledge my friend, I have faith Muschamp will figure this out. One more thing, until his coaches start coaching the way he wants, and his players start playing his way, I have NO problem with him giving them the business even if it is on national television. People who are criticizing Coach Boom this early are either trying to sell something, or were never going to give him a chance from the beginning. This week we are playing yet another SEC team that our HC has a connection to, joy. Auburn is the scum of the SEC it would be nice to silence that hell hole known as Jordan-Hare Stadium. After last week’s game, I am going to get away from the computer during the games as some of my outbursts were criticized by fellow tweeters; drama I was hoping avoid by boycotting Facebook, but alas it follows you everywhere…anyways, if you want to read lucent, well thought out tweets, follow someone else. www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
I’d love to be positive about last week but I’m still pretty pissed off. Getting juked by Jarrett Lee will do that to you. However, don’t misunderstand my anger, its not losing to the #1 team that pisses me off. Rather, the anger stems from the manner of losing and the confusion that is apparent among players and coaches. The new coach smell has worn off Mssrs. Muschamp and Weis. I mistakenly gave them the benefit of the doubt. Now, its time for them to earn my trust. There is no better place for that to start happening than Jerden-Hare. Let’s light this firecracker. (I would have discussed other good games this week but there aren’t any)
Brew of the week: Oskar Blues – Mama’s Little Yella Pils (Sorry bourgeois readers, its only available in a can)
Malt Licker
Those of you who are fans of South Park can sympathize with the way I felt last weekend. Watching the Gators get destroyed by Les Miles and an Australian punter turned me into cynical Stan. Everything I saw was shit. Our O Line was shit. Our D Line was shit. Our play-calling was shit. Our tackling was shit. The way Coach Boom (or is it Coach Durp?) stomped and scowled was shit. The way his stupid hair fluttered in the Louisiana breeze was shit. The use of various iterations of the “wildcat” was shit. Our refusal to give the ball to Mike Gilleslee until trailing by 30 is shit. Our inability to play “Kick return safe” on every special teams play by the Mad Hatter was shit. Even Chuck Weis’ normally statuesque physique was shit.
Contrary to the South Park season premiere, the purported cure of cynicism (copious amounts of Jameson) did not work for me. I tried to drink the shit away, only to see it become smellier and more disgusting Stephen Garcia’s liver. As an aside, I spoke with a friend who knows Garcia’s older brother, who is a Harvard grad, and according to legend, Garcia actually failed a class called “Wine Tasting” at USC. When asked why he said, “what does it matter? I’m going to the NFL.” Even that awesome anecdote could not get the shit out of my eyes. Those of you who are Bucs fans, only saw the shit stack higher and deeper on Sunday. When does basketball season start? You are now witnessing the birth of Ultra Negative Malt Licker. If I recommended or brewed a beer of the week, it would be called Ultra Negative IPA. On to this shitty slate of games.
This post is not recommended for children or those with a conscience.
12:21pm
South Carolina at Mississippi State (+2.5)
EGM
The first of a full docket of home dawgs. Both teams need this game badly to salvage a modicum of success after having high expectations. Professional rounder Stephen Garcia will not be participating in this game or any game in the future because he just can’t resist a brew during the week. Thus, Connor Shaw will be guiding the offense from here on out (or until Spurdog finds a walk on of his liking). Despite limited playing time Shaw would easily start for Miss State and that is the difference in the game. Chris Relf is bad and just bad enough to lose this game. I expect lots of running and very little scoring.
Cocks 17
Miss State 16
ML
Cocksuckers 23
Shiteaters 21
CB
Cocks 23
Dicks 13
3:30pm
LSU at Tennessee (+16)
EGM
I just can’t believe the line is this low. The Vols were struggling against a very average UGA defense last week and they still had Tyler Bray in the lineup at the time. LSU seems to be hitting on all cylinders with Jarrett Lee having few hard throws to make. That’s exactly the way Miles likes it and judging by the way other teams have lit up the Vols (See Florida) I think this will be ugly early. I’m so glad that CBS picked up this game because now I don’t have to listen to Verne and Gary gloat about whatever team they bonded with during the week. I’m sure “Jarrett” will be their best friend this week too.
Tigers 38
Vols 10
ML
Coonass inbred backward Cajun fucks 40
Squirrel eating inbred backward mountain fucks 10
CB
Tigres 30
Tennesseans 0
6:00pm
Alabama at Ole Miss (+25.5)
ML
Ohhh look its Alabama!!!! They are so devastatingly amazing that they should form their own conference. It will be called the Awesome Conference and no other teams will be allowed. They can win their conference championship every year and shake their stupid pom poms like the easily amused morons they are. They would have intra-squad scrimmage games that would command $100 a minute on pay-per-view. Alabamaamamaians just discovered this thing called cable, and they can’t wait to spend their confederate dollars on something other than tornado early-warning systems. That’s right, I went there, and will continue to go there until the Gators beat a ranked opponent. As for Ole Miss, well, they are a joke without a punch line. There only saving grace is……nothing. Even the Grove everyone speaks so highly of is overrated. Take your faux-genteel disheveled haircuts and sundresses and shove them up your ass.
Crimson tornados 50
RedNex 10
CB
Bama 41
Ole Miss 6
EGM
Bamer 41
Ole Miss 0
7:00pm
Florida at Auburn (+2)
CB
Some of you have been reading us for years and so what I’m about to say won’t come as a huge shock so I will keep it brief. To all those Gators fans traveling to Auburn this weekend, prepare yourself for, among other things, faux humility. You know, when a hick from the plains saunters up to you and says, “hey bro, don’t beat us too bad!” I hate that shit. Look, Auburn’s QB situation ain’t looking great and their defense, while improved is still bad. Their running back is a badass and that may just be the key for this game. UF will be starting Jacoby Brissett for the second weekend and while that scares me, our Defense is much more frightening. For some crazy reason we are favored in this game, and that means that Auburn might be worse that I suspect….let’s hope for that.
GATORS 21
Scumbags from the Plains 20
EGM
Gators 24
Auburn 27
ML
The University of we’ll never be relevant in football again 9
War Eagle Plainsman Tigers Dead Tree pick a mascot U 31
Georgia at Vanderbilt (+11)
CB
Incredibly enough, all games here this week feature home underdogs. Less surprisingly, Vandy is one of the homedogs. All I know is, Georgia is gonna be the first SEC team to sweep the state of Tennessee and Mississippi….haha naw, I can’t even make up that stat. I mean sure, I have the capabilities, but I just don’t care. (apathy is contagious here) UGA needs to win shitty games like this to be sure they walk into the SECCG in December. UGA plays UF and then Auburn which they can totally win, while the Cocks are absolutely going to lose to Arkansas later in the year. That’s why games like this are so important…haha why am I trying to sell this game, I don’t work for espn. Pick who ever you want damnit…
Jawga 30
Van Der Bilt 17
EGM
UGA 28
Vandy 7
ML
No matter how bad the Gators are, we’ll be worse 24
Vanderdorknerddweebspazwasteoftime 3.14
Kentucky – BYE week - Big deal
Arkansas – BYE week - Who cares
Another game, another loss. Eh, what are you gonna do? I could go on and on about how these aren’t Muschamp’s ideal players, how they are smaller (and fast yes, I get it) than he prefers, but I’m not going to waste your time. All I know is its dumb luck coincidence that we played the No. 2 team and then the No. 1 team two weeks in a row, so I’m not giving any credence to that “worst back to back losses” in a while or whatever talk. We are NOT in the same class as LSU and Bama at the moment and would probably finished 4th in SEC West, same potential result as last year. Teams go through this…step back from the ledge my friend, I have faith Muschamp will figure this out. One more thing, until his coaches start coaching the way he wants, and his players start playing his way, I have NO problem with him giving them the business even if it is on national television. People who are criticizing Coach Boom this early are either trying to sell something, or were never going to give him a chance from the beginning. This week we are playing yet another SEC team that our HC has a connection to, joy. Auburn is the scum of the SEC it would be nice to silence that hell hole known as Jordan-Hare Stadium. After last week’s game, I am going to get away from the computer during the games as some of my outbursts were criticized by fellow tweeters; drama I was hoping avoid by boycotting Facebook, but alas it follows you everywhere…anyways, if you want to read lucent, well thought out tweets, follow someone else. www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
I’d love to be positive about last week but I’m still pretty pissed off. Getting juked by Jarrett Lee will do that to you. However, don’t misunderstand my anger, its not losing to the #1 team that pisses me off. Rather, the anger stems from the manner of losing and the confusion that is apparent among players and coaches. The new coach smell has worn off Mssrs. Muschamp and Weis. I mistakenly gave them the benefit of the doubt. Now, its time for them to earn my trust. There is no better place for that to start happening than Jerden-Hare. Let’s light this firecracker. (I would have discussed other good games this week but there aren’t any)
Brew of the week: Oskar Blues – Mama’s Little Yella Pils (Sorry bourgeois readers, its only available in a can)
Malt Licker
Those of you who are fans of South Park can sympathize with the way I felt last weekend. Watching the Gators get destroyed by Les Miles and an Australian punter turned me into cynical Stan. Everything I saw was shit. Our O Line was shit. Our D Line was shit. Our play-calling was shit. Our tackling was shit. The way Coach Boom (or is it Coach Durp?) stomped and scowled was shit. The way his stupid hair fluttered in the Louisiana breeze was shit. The use of various iterations of the “wildcat” was shit. Our refusal to give the ball to Mike Gilleslee until trailing by 30 is shit. Our inability to play “Kick return safe” on every special teams play by the Mad Hatter was shit. Even Chuck Weis’ normally statuesque physique was shit.
Contrary to the South Park season premiere, the purported cure of cynicism (copious amounts of Jameson) did not work for me. I tried to drink the shit away, only to see it become smellier and more disgusting Stephen Garcia’s liver. As an aside, I spoke with a friend who knows Garcia’s older brother, who is a Harvard grad, and according to legend, Garcia actually failed a class called “Wine Tasting” at USC. When asked why he said, “what does it matter? I’m going to the NFL.” Even that awesome anecdote could not get the shit out of my eyes. Those of you who are Bucs fans, only saw the shit stack higher and deeper on Sunday. When does basketball season start? You are now witnessing the birth of Ultra Negative Malt Licker. If I recommended or brewed a beer of the week, it would be called Ultra Negative IPA. On to this shitty slate of games.
This post is not recommended for children or those with a conscience.
12:21pm
South Carolina at Mississippi State (+2.5)
EGM
The first of a full docket of home dawgs. Both teams need this game badly to salvage a modicum of success after having high expectations. Professional rounder Stephen Garcia will not be participating in this game or any game in the future because he just can’t resist a brew during the week. Thus, Connor Shaw will be guiding the offense from here on out (or until Spurdog finds a walk on of his liking). Despite limited playing time Shaw would easily start for Miss State and that is the difference in the game. Chris Relf is bad and just bad enough to lose this game. I expect lots of running and very little scoring.
Cocks 17
Miss State 16
ML
Cocksuckers 23
Shiteaters 21
CB
Cocks 23
Dicks 13
3:30pm
LSU at Tennessee (+16)
EGM
I just can’t believe the line is this low. The Vols were struggling against a very average UGA defense last week and they still had Tyler Bray in the lineup at the time. LSU seems to be hitting on all cylinders with Jarrett Lee having few hard throws to make. That’s exactly the way Miles likes it and judging by the way other teams have lit up the Vols (See Florida) I think this will be ugly early. I’m so glad that CBS picked up this game because now I don’t have to listen to Verne and Gary gloat about whatever team they bonded with during the week. I’m sure “Jarrett” will be their best friend this week too.
Tigers 38
Vols 10
ML
Coonass inbred backward Cajun fucks 40
Squirrel eating inbred backward mountain fucks 10
CB
Tigres 30
Tennesseans 0
6:00pm
Alabama at Ole Miss (+25.5)
ML
Ohhh look its Alabama!!!! They are so devastatingly amazing that they should form their own conference. It will be called the Awesome Conference and no other teams will be allowed. They can win their conference championship every year and shake their stupid pom poms like the easily amused morons they are. They would have intra-squad scrimmage games that would command $100 a minute on pay-per-view. Alabamaamamaians just discovered this thing called cable, and they can’t wait to spend their confederate dollars on something other than tornado early-warning systems. That’s right, I went there, and will continue to go there until the Gators beat a ranked opponent. As for Ole Miss, well, they are a joke without a punch line. There only saving grace is……nothing. Even the Grove everyone speaks so highly of is overrated. Take your faux-genteel disheveled haircuts and sundresses and shove them up your ass.
Crimson tornados 50
RedNex 10
CB
Bama 41
Ole Miss 6
EGM
Bamer 41
Ole Miss 0
7:00pm
Florida at Auburn (+2)
CB
Some of you have been reading us for years and so what I’m about to say won’t come as a huge shock so I will keep it brief. To all those Gators fans traveling to Auburn this weekend, prepare yourself for, among other things, faux humility. You know, when a hick from the plains saunters up to you and says, “hey bro, don’t beat us too bad!” I hate that shit. Look, Auburn’s QB situation ain’t looking great and their defense, while improved is still bad. Their running back is a badass and that may just be the key for this game. UF will be starting Jacoby Brissett for the second weekend and while that scares me, our Defense is much more frightening. For some crazy reason we are favored in this game, and that means that Auburn might be worse that I suspect….let’s hope for that.
GATORS 21
Scumbags from the Plains 20
EGM
Gators 24
Auburn 27
ML
The University of we’ll never be relevant in football again 9
War Eagle Plainsman Tigers Dead Tree pick a mascot U 31
Georgia at Vanderbilt (+11)
CB
Incredibly enough, all games here this week feature home underdogs. Less surprisingly, Vandy is one of the homedogs. All I know is, Georgia is gonna be the first SEC team to sweep the state of Tennessee and Mississippi….haha naw, I can’t even make up that stat. I mean sure, I have the capabilities, but I just don’t care. (apathy is contagious here) UGA needs to win shitty games like this to be sure they walk into the SECCG in December. UGA plays UF and then Auburn which they can totally win, while the Cocks are absolutely going to lose to Arkansas later in the year. That’s why games like this are so important…haha why am I trying to sell this game, I don’t work for espn. Pick who ever you want damnit…
Jawga 30
Van Der Bilt 17
EGM
UGA 28
Vandy 7
ML
No matter how bad the Gators are, we’ll be worse 24
Vanderdorknerddweebspazwasteoftime 3.14
Kentucky – BYE week - Big deal
Arkansas – BYE week - Who cares
Friday, October 07, 2011
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week VI
Malt Licker
Back to reality. That phrase has echoed through my mind throughout the week as I think back to last week’s game against Alabama. The Crimson Tide is a fitting nickname for Saban’s boys. As I watched that game from the packed Swamp on a perfect night, I could see their momentum slowly build. First they came back and tied it up, then their defense gave them the lead, and then they took out our QB. It all culminated in the most predictable of crescendos, Trent Richardson shaking off a tackle and running untouched through our battered defense for a long touchdown run. It was as certain as high tide.
Cuzzin Bailey
Well, as most of us suspected, the Gators got beat last weekend to the Tide. As some of us did NOT expect, we got killed. Now, I’m not saying we would have won if Bama didn’t get that defensive line pick six or if Brantley didn’t get hurt, but I have to believe it wouldn’t have been AS bad. Our d-line was exposed against a far superior offensive line and NFL type running back. Now we must regroup for a trip into a city that should be quarantined as a municipal insane asylum, Baton Rouge. Tough place for a team, let alone a freshman QB to enter as sizable a underdog. Oh well, give’em hell Gators. On a different (sport) note, I would like to thank the Tampa Bay Rays for a great season and a decent showing in the ALDS. It would have been cool for them to win one game at home (especially one that I attended), forcing this thing to a game five but whatever, this is a year that we’re just happy to be there. I would like to thank Malt Licker for his kind words after the Rays clinched. He was right, baseball can be exciting sometimes! It’s a shame that Yankees fans can’t get excited until they are in the Series, maybe they’ll be back this year! (CB note: as of publication, the Tigers beat NYY in game five of the ALDS, so not this year. My sincere condolences) Anyways, I am pleased to announce that my wife’s and my Wild Card shirts were back ordered and so they won’t arrive until 3 days after the Rays were eliminated from the playoffs! MLB.com needs to get their act together. Anyways, I’ve rambled on too long, be sure to look me up on twitter, you may learn a thing or two about shit talk: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
Its been quite a long week since the Gators were poleaxed and the Rays demise was set in motion. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it), I saw neither of these two events on any medium except for a score update. Upon arriving at my palatial estate last Sunday, I immediately deleted the DVR copy of both of these games and I will know longer discuss or acknowledge that either even actually happened. I’m definitely not a good loser so I’m hoping for a miraculous recovery this weekend but I’m not counting on it. What I am counting on is…
The Brew of The Week – 21st Amendment Live Free or Die IPA. I had six of these bad boys on the Virgin America redeye from the west coast this morning and it was the best part of the entire trip.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
12:00pm
Mississippi State at UAB (+18.5)
EGM
What a travesty of a shamocracy this game is. I mean what self respecting team would play UAB in October? Other than Miss State, I would say every other puss ass team in the SEC that keeps padding their schedule with this tripe.
Miss State 31
UAB 10
ML
MSU 40
UAB 10
CB
MSU 30
Blazers 3
12:20pm
Kentucky at South Carolina (-21)
ML
How surprised would you be if you heard the Ol’ Ball Coach decapitated Stephen Garcia? Here’s a quote: "We were living through a lot of errors Stephen would make," Spurrier said. "We were hoping and believing those errors would go away. We've coached Stephen to play better, but he plays similarly about every game. Now I must lop that head off and get drunk off his alcohol-saturated blood.” One of those sentences is not an actual quote. The good news for SC is that UK is coming to town. They suck.
UK 13
SC 35
CB
Kensucky 14
USCocks 28
EGM
KY 0
Cocks 31
3:30pm
Florida at LSU (-13.5)
ML
The last time UF started a Freshman QB in Death Valley, the Gators shocked the Bengals and Coach Saban to give them their only loss in a Championship year. The bad news is Chris Leak looked relatively competent prior to that game, and Jeff Driskel looks like all he can do is make one read and then try to run. Our only chance at victory is if there is a monsoon. I have no faith. LSU’s defensive front might eat Demps and Rainey and then decorate their town with the poop that results. If you have ever been to Baton Rouge, you can acknowledge that this décor will be an upgrade. We could play this game 20 times and still have no shot at winning.
Tiger bait/reverse jinx? 3
Future nat’l champs 34
CB
Gators 17
LSUcks 23 (breaks my heart)
EGM
UF 6
Tigers 17
7:00pm
Georgia at Tennessee (+2)
CB
That the last two times the Dawgs have traveled to historic Neyland Stadium it has been an unhappy experience for the pups. However, considering the last time the Gators started a freshman QB at LSU was 2003, I thought, just for the hell of it, I would remind all of you what happened when UGA played at UT in 2003: Obviously it was a different time. Florida had lost to the Vols and later that year, UT beat Bama in a scorefest. But one moment no one should forget came at the end of the first half of this game. Tennessee was driving, in fact they were at the goal line ready to score and take a 14-13 lead into the lockerroom. What happened next made everyone who hates that pale orange a Georgia fan for about 20 seconds. The UT running back fumbles the ball and UGA SS (and current Buc) Sean Jones picked it up at the 8ish yard line running 92 yards for the touchdown. The 14 pt turnaround play made the score 20-7 at the half and the Vuls never recovered. This year, unfortunately, we need the hapless vols to beat the dawgs because Georgia plays the easiest SEC schedule in YEARS this time around. After losing to Boise St and South Carolina, the Dawgs beat the Mississippi schools, and next face the Tennessee schools, followed by the Gators, Auburn and Kentucky. Aside from this game, there is a remote chance they’ll lose maybe two games, and then get blowed out in the championship game. Look, no one wants UGA representing the East this year. They are complete garbage, but unfortunately that’s all this division is producing these days…I hate this game.
Jawga 23
Tennessee 24
EGM
Dawgs 24
UT 25
ML
UGA 20
Smokey 24
Vanderbilt at Alabama (-29)
CB
Well, what can you say? If this was vandy at LSU or UT or UGA or Auburn, I would spend this whole post tearing the team a new one, but I’ll be honest, the Gators just plain old got our asses kicked last weekend. It was embarrassing but if we somehow rebound this weekend I won’t give a crap and just fall back on the fact that we were beaten by a better team. If this starts another downward spiral of losses I’m gonna go into full on freak out mode. Anyways, I know Vandy is 3-1 and 1-1 in the SEC, but they beat Ole Miss (a not-so-great-team) and lost to South Carolina (a not-so-bad-team). It should be noted that Bama is a really, really, really good team and this game, as the spread indicates, won’t be close. I see the Tide runningback completely shredding the Vandy defense and McElroy’s replacement to just “not lose the game” which is exactly what Saban wants. This game hasn’t historically been a blow out, but watch, as Marty McFly once said to Mr. Strickland, “history is gonna change”…Sidenote: I was forced to watch Back to the Future III in Spanish the other day, it was hilarious.
George McFly’s 6
Marty McFly’s 40
EGM
Vandy 0
Bama 38
ML
Vanderdork 3
Crimson Dicks 40
Auburn at Arkansas (-10)
EGM
This game was an offensive showdown last year and this year doesn’t appear to be anything different. Auburn seems to have righted the ship after a disastrous loss to mega-overrated Clemson. However, beating up on the Cocks doesn’t really say much this year given that Steven Garcia has taken up meth in addition to heavy drinking. Arkansas also had a big w last week against future SEC doormat TAMU. Overall, I think less points will be scored than all the “experts” think and Arkansas’ receivers will control the game in the end.
Plainsmen 17
Hawgs 24
ML
Auburn 20
Arky 28
CB
Aubarn 17
Arkansas 28
Ole Miss – Bye Week: Great win for the Rebs last weekend, gained some momentum…bad way to hit a bye week
Back to reality. That phrase has echoed through my mind throughout the week as I think back to last week’s game against Alabama. The Crimson Tide is a fitting nickname for Saban’s boys. As I watched that game from the packed Swamp on a perfect night, I could see their momentum slowly build. First they came back and tied it up, then their defense gave them the lead, and then they took out our QB. It all culminated in the most predictable of crescendos, Trent Richardson shaking off a tackle and running untouched through our battered defense for a long touchdown run. It was as certain as high tide.
Cuzzin Bailey
Well, as most of us suspected, the Gators got beat last weekend to the Tide. As some of us did NOT expect, we got killed. Now, I’m not saying we would have won if Bama didn’t get that defensive line pick six or if Brantley didn’t get hurt, but I have to believe it wouldn’t have been AS bad. Our d-line was exposed against a far superior offensive line and NFL type running back. Now we must regroup for a trip into a city that should be quarantined as a municipal insane asylum, Baton Rouge. Tough place for a team, let alone a freshman QB to enter as sizable a underdog. Oh well, give’em hell Gators. On a different (sport) note, I would like to thank the Tampa Bay Rays for a great season and a decent showing in the ALDS. It would have been cool for them to win one game at home (especially one that I attended), forcing this thing to a game five but whatever, this is a year that we’re just happy to be there. I would like to thank Malt Licker for his kind words after the Rays clinched. He was right, baseball can be exciting sometimes! It’s a shame that Yankees fans can’t get excited until they are in the Series, maybe they’ll be back this year! (CB note: as of publication, the Tigers beat NYY in game five of the ALDS, so not this year. My sincere condolences) Anyways, I am pleased to announce that my wife’s and my Wild Card shirts were back ordered and so they won’t arrive until 3 days after the Rays were eliminated from the playoffs! MLB.com needs to get their act together. Anyways, I’ve rambled on too long, be sure to look me up on twitter, you may learn a thing or two about shit talk: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
Its been quite a long week since the Gators were poleaxed and the Rays demise was set in motion. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it), I saw neither of these two events on any medium except for a score update. Upon arriving at my palatial estate last Sunday, I immediately deleted the DVR copy of both of these games and I will know longer discuss or acknowledge that either even actually happened. I’m definitely not a good loser so I’m hoping for a miraculous recovery this weekend but I’m not counting on it. What I am counting on is…
The Brew of The Week – 21st Amendment Live Free or Die IPA. I had six of these bad boys on the Virgin America redeye from the west coast this morning and it was the best part of the entire trip.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
12:00pm
Mississippi State at UAB (+18.5)
EGM
What a travesty of a shamocracy this game is. I mean what self respecting team would play UAB in October? Other than Miss State, I would say every other puss ass team in the SEC that keeps padding their schedule with this tripe.
Miss State 31
UAB 10
ML
MSU 40
UAB 10
CB
MSU 30
Blazers 3
12:20pm
Kentucky at South Carolina (-21)
ML
How surprised would you be if you heard the Ol’ Ball Coach decapitated Stephen Garcia? Here’s a quote: "We were living through a lot of errors Stephen would make," Spurrier said. "We were hoping and believing those errors would go away. We've coached Stephen to play better, but he plays similarly about every game. Now I must lop that head off and get drunk off his alcohol-saturated blood.” One of those sentences is not an actual quote. The good news for SC is that UK is coming to town. They suck.
UK 13
SC 35
CB
Kensucky 14
USCocks 28
EGM
KY 0
Cocks 31
3:30pm
Florida at LSU (-13.5)
ML
The last time UF started a Freshman QB in Death Valley, the Gators shocked the Bengals and Coach Saban to give them their only loss in a Championship year. The bad news is Chris Leak looked relatively competent prior to that game, and Jeff Driskel looks like all he can do is make one read and then try to run. Our only chance at victory is if there is a monsoon. I have no faith. LSU’s defensive front might eat Demps and Rainey and then decorate their town with the poop that results. If you have ever been to Baton Rouge, you can acknowledge that this décor will be an upgrade. We could play this game 20 times and still have no shot at winning.
Tiger bait/reverse jinx? 3
Future nat’l champs 34
CB
Gators 17
LSUcks 23 (breaks my heart)
EGM
UF 6
Tigers 17
7:00pm
Georgia at Tennessee (+2)
CB
That the last two times the Dawgs have traveled to historic Neyland Stadium it has been an unhappy experience for the pups. However, considering the last time the Gators started a freshman QB at LSU was 2003, I thought, just for the hell of it, I would remind all of you what happened when UGA played at UT in 2003: Obviously it was a different time. Florida had lost to the Vols and later that year, UT beat Bama in a scorefest. But one moment no one should forget came at the end of the first half of this game. Tennessee was driving, in fact they were at the goal line ready to score and take a 14-13 lead into the lockerroom. What happened next made everyone who hates that pale orange a Georgia fan for about 20 seconds. The UT running back fumbles the ball and UGA SS (and current Buc) Sean Jones picked it up at the 8ish yard line running 92 yards for the touchdown. The 14 pt turnaround play made the score 20-7 at the half and the Vuls never recovered. This year, unfortunately, we need the hapless vols to beat the dawgs because Georgia plays the easiest SEC schedule in YEARS this time around. After losing to Boise St and South Carolina, the Dawgs beat the Mississippi schools, and next face the Tennessee schools, followed by the Gators, Auburn and Kentucky. Aside from this game, there is a remote chance they’ll lose maybe two games, and then get blowed out in the championship game. Look, no one wants UGA representing the East this year. They are complete garbage, but unfortunately that’s all this division is producing these days…I hate this game.
Jawga 23
Tennessee 24
EGM
Dawgs 24
UT 25
ML
UGA 20
Smokey 24
Vanderbilt at Alabama (-29)
CB
Well, what can you say? If this was vandy at LSU or UT or UGA or Auburn, I would spend this whole post tearing the team a new one, but I’ll be honest, the Gators just plain old got our asses kicked last weekend. It was embarrassing but if we somehow rebound this weekend I won’t give a crap and just fall back on the fact that we were beaten by a better team. If this starts another downward spiral of losses I’m gonna go into full on freak out mode. Anyways, I know Vandy is 3-1 and 1-1 in the SEC, but they beat Ole Miss (a not-so-great-team) and lost to South Carolina (a not-so-bad-team). It should be noted that Bama is a really, really, really good team and this game, as the spread indicates, won’t be close. I see the Tide runningback completely shredding the Vandy defense and McElroy’s replacement to just “not lose the game” which is exactly what Saban wants. This game hasn’t historically been a blow out, but watch, as Marty McFly once said to Mr. Strickland, “history is gonna change”…Sidenote: I was forced to watch Back to the Future III in Spanish the other day, it was hilarious.
George McFly’s 6
Marty McFly’s 40
EGM
Vandy 0
Bama 38
ML
Vanderdork 3
Crimson Dicks 40
Auburn at Arkansas (-10)
EGM
This game was an offensive showdown last year and this year doesn’t appear to be anything different. Auburn seems to have righted the ship after a disastrous loss to mega-overrated Clemson. However, beating up on the Cocks doesn’t really say much this year given that Steven Garcia has taken up meth in addition to heavy drinking. Arkansas also had a big w last week against future SEC doormat TAMU. Overall, I think less points will be scored than all the “experts” think and Arkansas’ receivers will control the game in the end.
Plainsmen 17
Hawgs 24
ML
Auburn 20
Arky 28
CB
Aubarn 17
Arkansas 28
Ole Miss – Bye Week: Great win for the Rebs last weekend, gained some momentum…bad way to hit a bye week
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week VI
Our friend/colleague/contributor El Gran Mono is still working on this week’s masterpiece. Please pardon his tardiness and check back later...
Malt Licker
Back to reality. That phrase has echoed through my mind throughout the week as I think back to last week’s game against Alabama. The Crimson Tide is a fitting nickname for Saban’s boys. As I watched that game from the packed Swamp on a perfect night, I could see their momentum slowly build. First they came back and tied it up, then their defense gave them the lead, and then they took out our QB. It all culminated in the most predictable of crescendos, Trent Richardson shaking off a tackle and running untouched through our battered defense for a long touchdown run. It was as certain as high tide.
Cuzzin Bailey
Well, as most of us suspected, the Gators got beat last weekend to the Tide. As some of us did NOT expect, we got killed. Now, I’m not saying we would have won if Bama didn’t get that defensive line pick six or if Brantley didn’t get hurt, but I have to believe it wouldn’t have been AS bad. Our d-line was exposed against a far superior offensive line and NFL type running back. Now we must regroup for a trip into a city that should be quarantined as a municipal insane asylum, Baton Rouge. Tough place for a team, let alone a freshman QB to enter as sizable a underdog. Oh well, give’em hell Gators. On a different (sport) note, I would like to thank the Tampa Bay Rays for a great season and a decent showing in the ALDS. It would have been cool for them to win one game at home (especially one that I attended), forcing this thing to a game five but whatever, this is a year that we’re just happy to be there. I would like to thank Malt Licker for his kind words after the Rays clinched. He was right, baseball can be exciting sometimes! It’s a shame that Yankees fans can’t get excited until they are in the Series, maybe they’ll be back this year! (CB note: as of publication, the Tigers beat NYY in game five of the ALDS, so not this year. My sincere condolences) Anyways, I am pleased to announce that my wife’s and my Wild Card shirts were back ordered and so they won’t arrive until 3 days after the Rays were eliminated from the playoffs! MLB.com needs to get their act together. Anyways, I’ve rambled on too long, be sure to look me up on twitter, you may learn a thing or two about shit talk: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
Saturday, October 8, 2011
12:00pm
Mississippi State at UAB (+18.5)
EGM
ML
MSU 40
UAB 10
CB
MSU 30
Blazers 3
12:20pm
Kentucky at South Carolina (-21)
ML
How surprised would you be if you heard the Ol’ Ball Coach decapitated Stephen Garcia? Here’s a quote: "We were living through a lot of errors Stephen would make," Spurrier said. "We were hoping and believing those errors would go away. We've coached Stephen to play better, but he plays similarly about every game. Now I must lop that head off and get drunk off his alcohol-saturated blood.” One of those sentences is not an actual quote. The good news for SC is that UK is coming to town. They suck.
UK 13
SC 35
CB
Kensucky 14
USCocks 28
EGM
3:30pm
Florida at LSU (-13.5)
ML
The last time UF started a Freshman QB in Death Valley, the Gators shocked the Bengals and Coach Saban to give them their only loss in a Championship year. The bad news is Chris Leak looked relatively competent prior to that game, and Jeff Driskel looks like all he can do is make one read and then try to run. Our only chance at victory is if there is a monsoon. I have no faith. LSU’s defensive front might eat Demps and Rainey and then decorate their town with the poop that results. If you have ever been to Baton Rouge, you can acknowledge that this décor will be an upgrade. We could play this game 20 times and still have no shot at winning.
Tiger bait/reverse jinx? 3
Future nat’l champs 34
CB
Gators 17
LSUcks 23 (breaks my heart)
EGM
7:00pm
Georgia at Tennessee (+2)
CB
That the last two times the Dawgs have traveled to historic Neyland Stadium it has been an unhappy experience for the pups. However, considering the last time the Gators started a freshman QB at LSU was 2003, I thought, just for the hell of it, I would remind all of you what happened when UGA played at UT in 2003: Obviously it was a different time. Florida had lost to the Vols and later that year, UT beat Bama in a scorefest. But one moment no one should forget came at the end of the first half of this game. Tennessee was driving, in fact they were at the goal line ready to score and take a 14-13 lead into the lockerroom. What happened next made everyone who hates that pale orange a Georgia fan for about 20 seconds. The UT running back fumbles the ball and UGA SS (and current Buc) Sean Jones picked it up at the 8ish yard line running 92 yards for the touchdown. The 14 pt turnaround play made the score 20-7 at the half and the Vuls never recovered. This year, unfortunately, we need the hapless vols to beat the dawgs because Georgia plays the easiest SEC schedule in YEARS this time around. After losing to Boise St and South Carolina, the Dawgs beat the Mississippi schools, and next face the Tennessee schools, followed by the Gators, Auburn and Kentucky. Aside from this game, there is a remote chance they’ll lose maybe two games, and then get blowed out in the championship game. Look, no one wants UGA representing the East this year. They are complete garbage, but unfortunately that’s all this division is producing these days…I hate this game.
Jawga 23
Tennessee 24
EGM
ML
UGA 20
Smokey 24
Vanderbilt at Alabama (-29)
CB
Well, what can you say? If this was vandy at LSU or UT or UGA or Auburn, I would spend this whole post tearing the team a new one, but I’ll be honest, the Gators just plain old got our asses kicked last weekend. It was embarrassing but if we somehow rebound this weekend I won’t give a crap and just fall back on the fact that we were beaten by a better team. If this starts another downward spiral of losses I’m gonna go into full on freak out mode. Anyways, I know Vandy is 3-1 and 1-1 in the SEC, but they beat Ole Miss (a not-so-great-team) and lost to South Carolina (a not-so-bad-team). It should be noted that Bama is a really, really, really good team and this game, as the spread indicates, won’t be close. I see the Tide runningback completely shredding the Vandy defense and McElroy’s replacement to just “not lose the game” which is exactly what Saban wants. This game hasn’t historically been a blow out, but watch, as Marty McFly once said to Mr. Strickland, “history is gonna change”…Sidenote: I was forced to watch Back to the Future III in Spanish the other day, it was hilarious.
George McFly’s 6
Marty McFly’s 40
EGM
ML
Vanderdork 3
Crimson Dicks 40
Auburn at Arkansas (-10)
EGM
ML
Auburn 20
Arky 28
CB
Aubarn 17
Arkansas 28
Ole Miss – Bye Week: Great win for the Rebs last weekend, gained some momentum…bad way to hit a bye week
Malt Licker
Back to reality. That phrase has echoed through my mind throughout the week as I think back to last week’s game against Alabama. The Crimson Tide is a fitting nickname for Saban’s boys. As I watched that game from the packed Swamp on a perfect night, I could see their momentum slowly build. First they came back and tied it up, then their defense gave them the lead, and then they took out our QB. It all culminated in the most predictable of crescendos, Trent Richardson shaking off a tackle and running untouched through our battered defense for a long touchdown run. It was as certain as high tide.
Cuzzin Bailey
Well, as most of us suspected, the Gators got beat last weekend to the Tide. As some of us did NOT expect, we got killed. Now, I’m not saying we would have won if Bama didn’t get that defensive line pick six or if Brantley didn’t get hurt, but I have to believe it wouldn’t have been AS bad. Our d-line was exposed against a far superior offensive line and NFL type running back. Now we must regroup for a trip into a city that should be quarantined as a municipal insane asylum, Baton Rouge. Tough place for a team, let alone a freshman QB to enter as sizable a underdog. Oh well, give’em hell Gators. On a different (sport) note, I would like to thank the Tampa Bay Rays for a great season and a decent showing in the ALDS. It would have been cool for them to win one game at home (especially one that I attended), forcing this thing to a game five but whatever, this is a year that we’re just happy to be there. I would like to thank Malt Licker for his kind words after the Rays clinched. He was right, baseball can be exciting sometimes! It’s a shame that Yankees fans can’t get excited until they are in the Series, maybe they’ll be back this year! (CB note: as of publication, the Tigers beat NYY in game five of the ALDS, so not this year. My sincere condolences) Anyways, I am pleased to announce that my wife’s and my Wild Card shirts were back ordered and so they won’t arrive until 3 days after the Rays were eliminated from the playoffs! MLB.com needs to get their act together. Anyways, I’ve rambled on too long, be sure to look me up on twitter, you may learn a thing or two about shit talk: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
Saturday, October 8, 2011
12:00pm
Mississippi State at UAB (+18.5)
EGM
ML
MSU 40
UAB 10
CB
MSU 30
Blazers 3
12:20pm
Kentucky at South Carolina (-21)
ML
How surprised would you be if you heard the Ol’ Ball Coach decapitated Stephen Garcia? Here’s a quote: "We were living through a lot of errors Stephen would make," Spurrier said. "We were hoping and believing those errors would go away. We've coached Stephen to play better, but he plays similarly about every game. Now I must lop that head off and get drunk off his alcohol-saturated blood.” One of those sentences is not an actual quote. The good news for SC is that UK is coming to town. They suck.
UK 13
SC 35
CB
Kensucky 14
USCocks 28
EGM
3:30pm
Florida at LSU (-13.5)
ML
The last time UF started a Freshman QB in Death Valley, the Gators shocked the Bengals and Coach Saban to give them their only loss in a Championship year. The bad news is Chris Leak looked relatively competent prior to that game, and Jeff Driskel looks like all he can do is make one read and then try to run. Our only chance at victory is if there is a monsoon. I have no faith. LSU’s defensive front might eat Demps and Rainey and then decorate their town with the poop that results. If you have ever been to Baton Rouge, you can acknowledge that this décor will be an upgrade. We could play this game 20 times and still have no shot at winning.
Tiger bait/reverse jinx? 3
Future nat’l champs 34
CB
Gators 17
LSUcks 23 (breaks my heart)
EGM
7:00pm
Georgia at Tennessee (+2)
CB
That the last two times the Dawgs have traveled to historic Neyland Stadium it has been an unhappy experience for the pups. However, considering the last time the Gators started a freshman QB at LSU was 2003, I thought, just for the hell of it, I would remind all of you what happened when UGA played at UT in 2003: Obviously it was a different time. Florida had lost to the Vols and later that year, UT beat Bama in a scorefest. But one moment no one should forget came at the end of the first half of this game. Tennessee was driving, in fact they were at the goal line ready to score and take a 14-13 lead into the lockerroom. What happened next made everyone who hates that pale orange a Georgia fan for about 20 seconds. The UT running back fumbles the ball and UGA SS (and current Buc) Sean Jones picked it up at the 8ish yard line running 92 yards for the touchdown. The 14 pt turnaround play made the score 20-7 at the half and the Vuls never recovered. This year, unfortunately, we need the hapless vols to beat the dawgs because Georgia plays the easiest SEC schedule in YEARS this time around. After losing to Boise St and South Carolina, the Dawgs beat the Mississippi schools, and next face the Tennessee schools, followed by the Gators, Auburn and Kentucky. Aside from this game, there is a remote chance they’ll lose maybe two games, and then get blowed out in the championship game. Look, no one wants UGA representing the East this year. They are complete garbage, but unfortunately that’s all this division is producing these days…I hate this game.
Jawga 23
Tennessee 24
EGM
ML
UGA 20
Smokey 24
Vanderbilt at Alabama (-29)
CB
Well, what can you say? If this was vandy at LSU or UT or UGA or Auburn, I would spend this whole post tearing the team a new one, but I’ll be honest, the Gators just plain old got our asses kicked last weekend. It was embarrassing but if we somehow rebound this weekend I won’t give a crap and just fall back on the fact that we were beaten by a better team. If this starts another downward spiral of losses I’m gonna go into full on freak out mode. Anyways, I know Vandy is 3-1 and 1-1 in the SEC, but they beat Ole Miss (a not-so-great-team) and lost to South Carolina (a not-so-bad-team). It should be noted that Bama is a really, really, really good team and this game, as the spread indicates, won’t be close. I see the Tide runningback completely shredding the Vandy defense and McElroy’s replacement to just “not lose the game” which is exactly what Saban wants. This game hasn’t historically been a blow out, but watch, as Marty McFly once said to Mr. Strickland, “history is gonna change”…Sidenote: I was forced to watch Back to the Future III in Spanish the other day, it was hilarious.
George McFly’s 6
Marty McFly’s 40
EGM
ML
Vanderdork 3
Crimson Dicks 40
Auburn at Arkansas (-10)
EGM
ML
Auburn 20
Arky 28
CB
Aubarn 17
Arkansas 28
Ole Miss – Bye Week: Great win for the Rebs last weekend, gained some momentum…bad way to hit a bye week
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