Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week X – THE FULL EDITION

Cuzzin’ Bailey

WOW, a huge win for the big boys! But, can someone explain why only scoring two touchdowns in the entire game gave me any sort of confidence. I guess we have all heard that coaches plan out the first 20 plays or whatever it takes to get through the first drive or two, and I guess that’s what worked early on…. Well why don’t we plan out the first 70 plays of this game coming up …. I mean its still shitty old Vandy right?? They have the SECs leading QB and a 4 game losing streak. I think it just goes to show you that just because you have the best quarterback on your squad doesn’t mean your team as a whole can’t suck ass… for instance…good ol’ Tim Couch was the SEC leading passer for Kentucky after Bill Curry was fired and someone with a coaching brain stopped running the option, yet the Wildcats still blew. So let’s all just take a deep breath, forget about the UGA win (no matter how awesome it was) and “worry” (chuckle) about the (snicker) Commodores….

Malt Licker

What do hurricanes and Georgia have in common?

They both suck

El Gran Mono

A new era has begun. The Urban Meyer “Modified Spread Option” era. The modified spread option boasts one important statistic, 1 victory, zero losses. That win made me want to gamble my first official legal paycheck away on an all night Suncruz casino binge. But unfortunately the boat left right before the game ended, DAMMIT. Oh yeah, the Vols retired Manning’s jersey last week and Spurdog showed up to ruin the whole occasion. If I would have known Manning was going to be there I would have picked the Cocks. The rest of the games last week sucked and aren’t worth talking about.

Tennessee at Notre Dame

CB

Um I love these games that are just formalities....UT has totally given up and hell, wouldn’t you?? If I were their OC and lost the best back in the league, so then I turn around and see Erik FUCKING Ainge, and Douchebag Ricky Clausen, I would fucking shoot myself. Instead, Randy Sanders has done something that Bobby Bowden’s illegitimate child should have done a long time ago … relinquish his spot. Anyways, according to the newswire, Notre Dame is racist, and I can’t believe that bunch of white, Irish Catholics would have an “ill-will” bone in their bodies…

Tennessee the birthplace of the KKK 16

ND the rebirthplace of modern “racism” 20

ML

Mark May has company on the Malt Licker’s shit list in ESPN.com’s Jason Whitlock. After this fatass’s bogus take that ND’s contract extension for Charlie Weis was “racist.” Sure Ty started 8-0 at ND, but he also did so without scoring an offensive touchdown in the first 3 games, and by virtue of a preponderance of flukey plays. Jason has been enshrined with Kanye West in the Jesse Jackson Race Hustling Hall of Fame. The last thing people like this want is for racism to end, because if it did, they wouldn’t have anything to write about. He also didn’t walk in with 3 Super Bowl Rings and was not pursued by several NFL teams. I’d like to see Whitlock and Fulmer be locked in a steel cage and forced to pig out on ribs and biscuits until one their stomach’s explode like that dude in “Seven.”

Still owned by Spur-Dog 14

BCS bound???? 27

EGM

I am going to say something that will make every Catholic on the planet cringe. Notre Dame is overrated. This is my only chance to say that in the column because the SEC and the Golden Domers don’t match up frequently. The good news is that Notre Dame’s DI-AA defense matches up well with UT’s DI-AA offense. The more intriguing matchup will take place at the local pizza parlor between Charlie “Angina” Weis and Phil “Hypertension” Fulmer.

Chest pains on defense 10

Racing pulse on offense 21

Appalachian State at LSU

CB

I’m sure its just cause they had their schedule all screwed, but doesn’t it seem like LSU is playing a lot of craptacular teams this year? I could be a sport and look up their actual opponents, and probably realize I am making a mistake, but how much fun would that be?? APP State huh? I have a friend who went there, it sure seems like a stellar academic institution…for some reason I just can’t picture a lot of real work getting done in a town like Boone, NC… anyways back to the game … oh wait I was never talking about it …

crAP State 11

Baton Rouge is a big city compared to Boone 45

ML

Good lord…App. St? LSU has transplanted a September schedule into November

Just picking up a check 3

Just picking up another W 42

EGM

There is one thing I know about ASU, its across the street from my favorite restaurant on the planet: The Dan’l Boone Inn. Family Style cooking – plates of fresh fried chicken, mashed potatoes, biscuits, green beans, grits, the whole fucking works. This game reeks of monkey shit.

Home of Southern Fried Goodness 3

Home of pansy scheduling fuckboys 45

Alabama at Mississippi State

CB

Wouldn’t it just be awesome if Alabama picked this week to play another shithead game, like if they didn’t use MSU as a chance to tweak their offense and pick on a bunch of Sucky McSucks? To be honest I am beyond caring about what happens in the SEC West, The Gators proved that against real competition in that division, we really have room for improvement, and we also showed that even though MSU exposed Ron Zook for a no talent ass clown last year, this year they are beyond awful … It would be a bit funny to see Bama lose so they could know what it feels like, but please, these Bulldogs probably get more enthused about smelling each other than playing ball … unless its their balls … nevermind … Roll (over) Tide …

Crimzin’ Tizzide 30

Fido 13

ML

Will Sly Croom be able to pull off a shocking upset over his alma mater? The same alma mater that spurned him for Baby Shula? I doubt it. Alabama better not win by too much, or else risk of being labeled “racist.”

We ain’t Bull Connor 27

We can’t score 0

EGM

Sly Croom is Black and if the media wants a real story they can look into why he didn’t get hired at Bama. Its not because Mike Shula is a good coach, its actually because Sly Croom is black. For once I’m not being sarcastic. I believe in fate….

No Prothro, No Undefeated Season 6

Paint it BLACK mothafukkas 13

South Carolina at Arkansas

CB

Yes, yes, we have all heard. Arkansas is going to play a quarterback named Dick against the Cocks… how clever! I can only guess how many signs are going to be in the stands in Fayetteville…. Oh shit! Arkansas’ coach is named Houston Nutt … Jesus! This has to be the double entendre game of the year, anyways… I just hope that SC gets the shit kicked out of them so they are in terrible shape when the Gators come to town next week... I’ll be there… and we’ll be looking to set the record on Jager Bomb consumption…

Cock Clichés 16

Led by Dick 14

ML

QB Dick is replacing Johnson for his battle against the Cocks, and yes, the coach replacing Johnson with Dick is named Nutt.

Spurrier’s schlongs 17

Nutt’s dongs 23

EGM

Arkansas doesn’t have a QB who could hit the broad sign of a barn. Spurdog could coach up a fucking chimpanzee that could throw 25 TD’s. That’s the difference in these teams.

Getting Cocky about next week 25

More depressing than Whitewater 10

Auburn at Kentucky

CB

I don’t want to come across as though I am overlooking this game, but I have to be honest… I couldn’t care less if this game was just up and cancelled and nothing came of it…Auburn has one duty to accomplish for me this year and that is (assuming the Gators can beat Vandy and USC), to beat UGA in any way, shape, or form next week. Three years ago I put that game in my forefront and the Tigers let me down in a big way… now is their chance to make it up to me … The blond hotties in Lexington are still gonna wake up on Saturday morning wishing two things: 1) I were there next to them, and 2) it were basketball season… only one of those has any real chance of happening anytime soon, and something tells me everyone at UK is going to be overlooking this game for the start of roundball….

Aw-barn it! Beat UGA! (next week) 34

Student section maybe empty as they are waiting for basketball tix 17

ML

The fact that this is in Lexington means that UK will only lose by 20, and that Auburn fans will be relieved to find out the bars close at 12.

Teetotaling winners 34

Teetotaling loser 14

EGM

Rich Brooks is rebuilding….still. TT was rebuilding the first two games of the season. And that is why Auburn is good at football and KY takes it up the ass every Saturday.

We still hate alcohol 34

We still hate winning 3

Vanderbilt at Florida

CB

Believe it or not, I am actually a bit concerned about this game … I have seen a few of those games in which Vandie was in it til the end…I was there for the infamous Doug Johnson “they know our plays” debacle, and we were at Vandy in ’00 when the loudest cheer I heard all day was booing when the refs made a close call in favor of the Gators turning the momentum for the game...HAHA I just remembered this … those dorks were booing right, and everytime the PA dude would speak, they would stop booing, and then when he would stop, they would boo again .. HAHA how polite of them!!! Man I want to go back to Nashville next year …

Booooo! Stop Booooo! Stop 16

Goooo GATORS! 27

ML

I don’t know why I picked against Florida. I should have turned in my picks on Saturday, because by Friday night I had great vibes about the game. We own Georgia, plain and simple. Urban simplified the attack, used Tate Casey and my boy Latsko, and we were able to move the ball a bit. I’m still worried about our wideouts, as Dallas Baker and Jemalle Cornelius are gimpy, and Chad Jackson can’t play against anyone that hits him. Vandy can make this competitive if their paper cuts heal.

Intellectuals 12

Ministers of Defense 24

EGM

Vandy has spent the last two weeks looking for the missing link, discovering a unified theory of physics and not using any curse words doing it. I have one thing to say about that: FUCK YOUR TEAM, FUCK YOUR COACH, FUCK YOUR SCHOOL, LEAVE THE FUCKING SEC NOW SO WE CAN GET A REAL FUCKING TEAM IN YOUR FUCKING SLOT. What do you think about that Bobby Johnson? If I was Urban Meyer I would use the word fuck more times than the Southpark movie in my pregame conference at midfield. The UF D will totally shut down Jay Cutler and his band of mathematicians.

Freaking Losers 10

Fucking Winners 31

Ole Miss – OFF

CB

I wonder if the boys down in Oxfud are tipping their hats to the Notre Dame officials.

ML

This must be cotillion weekend since there is no football….Ironically, the participants may actually dress down for this occasion as opposed to a home game.

EGM

Message to Reb fan: Use this week to reevaluate your life starting with your haircut and your wearing of ties to football games with hats and sandals from the Civil War era.

Georgia – OFF

CB

I have made a voodoo doll to represent UGA’s season …. Dare me!

ML

Keep licking those wounds

EGM

Despite pressing your chinos/red print dress eight times before the game, you just can’t beat karma assfaces…

Miami at Virginia Tech

CB

I guess its just me, but with the SEC race heating up and the Gators actually having a chance (albeit remote) of going to the Championship game, these gay-ass ACC games just don’t have the same luster they used to (I guess. I have always hated them). This game was, at least until recently, the game that decided the Big East Champ, and now its just another speed bump in the road to another basketball conference’s title. Now the ACC has 12 teams and they have a conference champ. game. La-di-freaking-da. This might be a good game, but I can guran-damn-tee you that the only reason I have heard that it’s playing this week, is cause I live in the worst place ever, ACC country…

Cocaine U 16

Undefeated, but we still live in Blacksburg 17

ML

The only thing bad about not being in Miami this weekend is I wont be at the Sandbar to root on Va Tech. I’m sure the “fans” will be calling for Kyle Wright and Larry Coker’s head after the throttling they will see from the Hokies.

Not enough O 6

Marcus Vick…he’s pretty good 27

EGM

Miami has played absolutely no one since opening up with FSU. VA Tech hasn’t played anyone all season. The advantage lies in playing this game in Blacksburg where the Hokies are always good for a blocked kick and a special teams touchdown. Kyle Wright is going to melt down like he just saw the Angel of Death coming out the Ark of the Covenant.

Cocaine shortage in Blacksburg 6

Don’t mess with dudes who castrate roosters 17

North Carolina State at Florida State

CB

I am finding it little tedious to constantly have to use this as a forum to crack on the Criminoles … in fact just today, I saw these photos online of some broads “party” that goes to FSU…Mother of God! These were some really ridiculous pics … you know what? I probably shouldn’t continue this conversation .. anyways, yada yada NC State, going to Tally, “I hope they watch out for their wallets, and their daughters’ virginity” … etc, etc. This F$U team just doesn’t seem as good as they usually are and therefore I guess I’m just not as afraid of them as I used to be … I think with our team this year ….never mind … too early for that talk

NCzzzzz 18

Hot Brainless bitches 27

ML

The scumbags from Tally escaped against Fat Friedgen last week. It won’t be as tough this week.

EGM

Amato owns FSU. He always works them over like Bobby Bowden works over a jar of mayonnaise. Despite FSU having ten times the talent of NC State, they half the coaching. The Wolfpack defense will completely shutdown Jeff Bowden’s “Streak It or Swing It” offense. I would like someone to please tell me the last game FSU lost when Leon Washington got 20 carries because I would be very interested in knowing. Its like the guy has the plague or something the way they don’t use him.

We can make our hands look like little wolves 21

We can chop our arms like we are masturbating 10

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2005 Records:

Standings W L %

Cuzzin Bailey 59 16 79

El Gran Mono 57 18 76

Malt Licker 56 19 75

Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week IX

El Gran Mono

Week 9 games include such insurmountable foes as North Texas and Utah State. I propose that the AD’s of the SEC grow some balls and stop scheduling these bullshit teams. The Cocktail Party is the only real game of the week and the over/under on that game is in the teens. Its almost as if I’m praying for college basketball to start so I don’t have to watch this horsecrap anymore. I need a Cuzzin’ Bailey story of frivolity and 200 lbs women to cheer me up…but I’ll take a Gator victory instead.

Cuzzin’ Bailey

A sense of relief came over me this past weekend. We went camping, and there was no need to sit around a TV, grasping onto my beer hoping, check that, praying that Chris Leak would find his receiver and the Gators would get a much needed first down or even Touchdown. All of that went away this weekend as we held onto beers around a campfire, freezing our stoners off, but enjoying the company of good friends. Then I was hit with another small dose of reality on Monday when I read this article about the Gators and how spoiled we have become. The article focused on the 2001 season. UF went 10-2 and just missed out on the SEC championship game, and probably the Rose bowl due to a late loss to Tennessee. The game was supposed to be played in September, but something awful happened the week before and obviously football became the least important thing in ours lives. Anyways, the article made it clear two things to me….1) we MUST give this program time, our spoiled attitude is bloody ridiculous and 2) football may not be the most important thing ever….what the hell am I saying?? I am scaring myself right now haha….The Cocktail party is this weekend and if the gamblers have any sense of anything, then the Gators may have a good chance at winning the game this weekend, but more on that later. I will finish my intro with a plea to the Gator fans everywhere; please hold your orders of the your “Fire Coach Meyer” shirts, and please don’t wear jorts this weekend!!! The loser Jawga fans feed off of it….

Malt Licker

This will be a scaled down version of the Bourbon Boys, as yours truly has had to vacate South Florida and the after-effects of Hurricane Wilma. Yes, hurricane fatigue has truly set in.

Utah State at Alabama

EGM

Utah Fucking State. What a crock of shit.

Mormons are pussies 8

But so is the Bama AD 45

CB

I don’t know about the Irish but I want some of the “Luck of the Redneck.” As I said before, last week I was bonding with nature when apparently the Ghost of Bear Bryant laid his hand upon the Volunteer football and forced it out of the back of the endzone allowing the Tide to march down the field and kick an eventual game winning field goal for an incredible 6-3 win over the hapless Vols. Thankfully for Alerbamer, this weekend they will not need to rub the Barney (sic) Stone located in some Hillbilly’s tool shed in Center, AL. Utawr State is just what the doctor ordered to get some offense going … Maybe Shula can get Brodie injured again this year against another craptacular team…

We ain’t so good 13

Ohh my, they’re after me pot o’ dip spit 45

ML

If Bama manages to go through the SEC undefeated, I don’t want to hear any arguments that they should be in the BCS championship game. Play a nonconference schedule that has at least one respectable team, and then come talk to me.

The worst Aggies Available 7

Lee Harvey Oswald was a patsy,

just like everyone on our non conference schedule 31

Ole Miss at Auburn

EGM

I remember when this game actually meant something two years ago during Eli’s epic run. Unfortunately, that game broke a streak of about 5000 years of meaninglessness and started a new streak that continues today. If this game was settled on who had the stupidest sounding southern accent and matching hair then it might actually be interesting. TT Da’ Gambler will own his former school.

Ole’ Piss 4

Teatotaling bags of shit 12

CB

Aww-shucks Aww-barn. I was rooting fer ya last week. While the Tigers really let me down last week, they are still totally in the SEC West race…Bamer is looking more and more fucked up ever since they blew out my alma mater and LSU’s luck can’t hold out the entire season, one would think. So this is not the time for the Plainsmen to pack up and fold to the team that invented southern hair. The Reb’s are going to try and invade Jerden(sic)-Hare Stadium this weekend and implement a zero-haircut policy, but they are clearly underestimating the War Eagles’ fratastic hats and checkbook sized wallets…it’s a battle of rich suthun’ pretty boys, and he with the most clichés will be pronounced the winner….

Touch the hair and you die, Yankee! 16

Is that your wallet in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? 23

ML

The Hair and Tie Bowl. I heard that Auburn’s kicker was lynched on Toomer’s Corner following his choke against LSU. Wait…it’s probably offensive to use the term “lynch” nowadays. We can’t even state the obvious that black Americans are more likely to have world-class speed.

Drunk flowing locks 16

Sober flowing locks 37

Georgia vs Florida at Jacksonville, FL

EGM

I’m disappointed the Shocker will not be playing this week. I always look forward to the surprise reaction when he slips through cracks in the defense. UF couldn’t move the ball on a Pop Warner defense right now and despise anything that may be deemed “traditional”. That sort of attitude will go nowhere with a Georgia defense that has eaten up several teams. Even the mad Pole Joe Terishinski can’t blow this game.

Red shirts and black stretch pants rule 9

Jean shirts and gold chains suck 8

CB

I, wisely, spent all of Monday on the Gatorsports.com message boards trying to get a straight answer about DJ “Mix Magic” “the Shocker!” Shockley. I found it so confusing that Bulldogs everywhere, including those in my own office!, were trying to convince me and the whole world that their starting QB would be out for this huge game. This is the game he came to UGA to play in and now he is just gonna rest up for Auburn….it just seemed so contrived, so planned out to fool the Gators into thinking we had a chance… I thought for sure they were just saying all that to trick us into a false sense of security, and then I realized that I just might be the most paranoid person in the world. The Gators are favored by 4 as of right now (me writing this, not you reading it)….and that gives me some hope that perhaps we are capable of a crazy huge victory this year … The Gator D has to be huge this weekend (as they have been lately) and I just hope to heck that our offense will be up to the challenge. If I lose, I’m wearing a blasted UGA shirt around work next week, with (sigh) pressed khakis … I don’t think I can handle that … GO GATORS!

Extra Starch Yall! 16

Orange and Blue, and a Brew or TWO! 20

ML

Apparantly we are “tweaking” the offense, I’ll believe it when I see it. Thankfully, the Shocker is out of commission, and this polock replacement is slated to start in the biggest game of his pathetic career. This is also the biggest game of Urban’s life, as it will keep the Gators alive in the Eastern division. Defensive struggle is mandatory for Gator chances, as they have no chance to cover the spread dictated by Vegas, unless we totally abandon the offensive playbook of Zeta Beta Tau.

Shocker-less dildos 10

I haven’t worn Jorts in years 12

Mississippi State at Kentucky

EGM

You can’t even dream up a matchup worse than this.

Stansbury sucks dick 19

Tubby beats his wife 17

CB

Another God-awful match up. I have finally shut those MSU fuckers up from my Yahoo! College Football Pick’em message board… I think they realized that jokes about how Southbeach-ish the Gator fans are and how “students schedule their classes around Laguna Beach” was just a) fucking lunacy, and b) not even funny. I feel sorry for the hotties in Lexington this weekend, who have to endure such atrocious behavior from the Bulldog fans. Hopefully the fact that bars close at 1am up there, will keep the psychos from Starkville just sober enough not to be total douchebags …. This game is hardly even worth talking about….

Stupidity is only sort of funny 27

Ashley Judd… sooo hot! 24

ML

What an ugly game, Miss. St lost to Houston and Kentucky is well, Kentucky. Gambling Rule #5, when two crappy teams with two crappy quarterbacks get together, go with the crappy team that’s at home

Focused on Egg Bowl 13

Focused on Preseason NIT 10

South Carolina at Tennessee

EGM

Spurdog vs Fulmer. Who ever thought this game would suck so much? UT lost their best offensive weapon in Gerald Riggs so now the Bald Pickle Man must take over and beat teams with his rag arm. UT’s defense is still pretty stout and should be able to stop the Cocks.

Spurdog needs a couple seasons to recruit 13

Fulmer recruits like he eats 31

CB

Remember when we used to always root for USC to upset UT because we hated Tennessee and we really wanted some breathing room in the East? Well three things have happened to make this the most boring game of the week. 1) the Vols are totally out of the race for the SEC Championship, 2) we don’t hold the lead in our division so it really doesn’t matter, and 3) Gerald Riggs is out and the pathetic Tennessee offense managed only to get in field goal range for a whopping 3 points last week…I wonder how shitty Phatass Phil feels now that his team is as much of a joke as his weight….

A shread of defense can go a long way 10

Do we have an offense now that Riggs is out? 12

ML

Will the beat up on Spurrier theme continue among all his former whipping boys? UT doesn’t have the offense to beat up on anyone. Since women and homos are the only ones that eat cock, I don’t think Phat Phil (Assuming he’s hetero) will be as distracted as he would be if he played the Fighting Blue Hens

Chickies 13

Vawallz 16

North Texas at LSU

EGM

Ah, the classic midseason matchup with a Sunbelt conference powerhouse.

Mean Green 9

Mean BO 37

CB

This is the opportunity that LSU gets to make up for the game that was previously postponed because George Bush hates America to the point that he can conjure up hurricanes. North Texas..zzzzzz huh? What? … this game has no interest to me, but I won’t feel like I am doing this justice if I don’t at least mention that LSU, with one SEC loss, took a step in the right direction last week by beating Auburn. This is a great weekend for the Cajun population to just get crazy hammered ….

Wake me up when we get to “North” Texas 10

Don’t wake me up, I’m hungover 45

ML

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

NTU 7

LSWho!!!!! 33

Arkansas – OFF

EGM

Arkansas is the worst passing team of the 21^st century.

CB

It took an injury to UGA’s “star” to keep the Razahbacks in the game last week…You know what? Screw Arkansas …. I’m watching this thing on TV that is showing the 100 Scariest Scenes in Movies …. The 2005 Razorback season might be in this somewhere, I’ll let yall know…BAM! what was that????? Oh, another loss

ML

I’m sorry for doubting Arkansas had a chance to pull the upset, job well done though with the injury to Shocker.

Vanderbilt – OFF

EGM

Any thoughts of a bowl game were extremely misguided.

CB

Poor little Vandies! This looked like it could be their year….but that was a horrible, horrible mistake …. I guess with this being Halloween weekend, maybe they can dress up as a real team since they have nothing to lose.

ML

Vandy’s coaches are worried about paper cuts and carpal tunnel that could develop during the bye week.

North Carolina at Miami

EGM

The Cokeheads look to avenge their loss to the pitiful Tarheels. I would rather be beaten senseless with a tee ball bat than watch this game.

That’s not tar on your foot, its dogshit 7

Do you know a coke hookup in Blacksburg? 22

CB

I guess when the ACC voted to allow Mee-ami into their conference they all totally forgot that their innocent student/athletes would have to travel to the Cocaine Capitol of America. They got some quality product down there, much more pure than what you’ll find in Chapel Hill that’s for sure, ese. Well hold on, would you call Carolina’s signature color, “Powder Blue”??? That’s kind of ironic don’t you think? Powder…Coke…. C’mon people, I can’t walk you through every joke…

Carolina ‘Crunk 17

SouthBeach Smoke 33

ML

Contrary to media reports, its not chaos in South Florida. There is a bright side to all this, with power out throughout much of the area maybe people will actually go to the UM game.

Tar Babies 17
Our nickname is quite apropos 37

Maryland at Florida State

EGM

FSU managed to right the ship last week against the Pukies. Maryland knows how to play a little defense so they might keep themselves in the game. However, I see one of many jailbird Criminole wideouts breaking free late in the game.

Turtles on the half shell 10

Convicts 17

CB

I love listening to sports radio here in ACC country. All this, “Maryland is gonna beat FSU” talk and shit like that just shows exactly what kind of homers I have to deal with everyday. That compounded by listening to Tony Kornheiser and the liberal banter that he mistakes for sports talk drives me crazy when I am running late for work everyday. Anyways, the Criminoles beat up on Puke last week and Murrahland lost to the fluke (Va Tech.) Its pretty pathetic to see FSU playing like, this so for their cracktastic sake, lets hope they don’t look like … what am I saying? An FSU loss is probably one of the better things I can think of…However with a loss, that may set off a huge crime spree in Tally… and once again, why would this bother me?? I say Go Terps this weekend however unlikely …

Liberal Turtles 19

Apolitical Thugs 31

ML

Revenge game for the criminals. The only thing I know about Maryland is they have the fattest coach on earth.

Fear the Turtle!!!! 14

Fear the Police!!!!! 34

If you wish to be a Guest Bourbon Boy, make a comment or be added to the mailing list, please send an email to bourbonboys1865@hotmail.com. Have a look at our daily thoughts at http://bourbonboys.blogspot.com.

2005 Records:

Standings W L %

Cuzzin Bailey 53 14 79

El Gran Mono 52 15 78

Malt Licker 50 17 75

Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week VIII

Malt Licker

Well another hurricane is bearing down on Florida, and people are freaking out yet again. We just need a giant Fred Flintstone to stand in the gulf and beat down old Wilma. This weekend of College football has a tough act to follow, although I doubt heartbroken fans in South Bend, State College, and Gainesville will agree. These picks will show the Malt Licker at his most pessimistic and cynical

El Gran Mono

I begin by apologizing to all of our faithful readers for my lateness in producing the Bourbon Boys. Good thing my two companions produce such quality material to make up for my assclownish behavior. Another summary Bourbon Boys from yours truly…

Cuzzin’ Bailey

Well I’ll be honest with you, this isn’t the most inspired I have ever been. Two losses and one to a jackass team that turned the ball over 5 times. How does that happen? LSU is a damn joke. Any decent team with a grasp of their offense would have no trouble beating them. Here I was just a few weeks ago ripping on Danny Ainge’s moron nephew for his loserific performance, and I now I have no room to talk. For the record I am not bailing on my team or even on Urban by any stretch of the imagination. I am merely stating that I have zero faith in them winning in two weeks against f-ing Georgia. It really hurts to say that and so with a heavy heart, I bring you a depressing, “someone just ran over my dog,” negative episode of Cuzzin Bailey’s Bourbon Boy picks…..oh yea on a good note, Cuzzin Bailey’s sister got engaged this weekend, Awesome huh!!! But back to being solemn … here you go folks …whatever…

Arkansas at Georgia

ML

I don’t get why all these clowns are predicting a huge upset for the Hawgs. Well Whoopy-Whoop, they are 6^th in the nation in rushing!!!! You would be too if you had an idiot playing QB, oh wait, the gators have an idiot playing QB and we aren’t 6^th in the nation. Jawja had a snoozer against Vandy. Will the Shocker bust this Nutt? Most definitely.

Arkies 13

UGAs 28

EGM

Arkansas could be the worst team in the SEC. Georgia could be the best team. The funny thing is that UGA fans are still nervous about next week despite the general crappiness of the UF offense.

Houston Nutt is flaming out like Wes Clark 10

The perfect crease in the khakis = Victory 35

CB

I was planning on talking about how if UGA loses 2 of its remaining 4 SEC games, and the Gators hand them one of the Ls, then UF would probably go to the SEC Champ. Game, but then I realized I was fucking dreaming … Arkansas couldn’t win a game of tittley winks against a kid with no thumbs … (depressing huh?) DJ Mix Magic Shockley probably has a homecoming sized shocker in mind for this game. If the Stoner students can get up for this one, they’ll probably see some sick display of kicking ass….

Where’d that kid with no thumbs go? 10

Put the bong down Billy-Bob…. 45

Kentucky at Ole Miss

ML

The two colleges east not named USC that are most loaded with the most hot blondes meet in a classic showdown. Unfortunately, said hot blondes are probably of comparable football talent of the players that will be on the field in Oxford.

Bluegrass Blondes 13

Magnolia Blondes 31

EGM

This game is terrible but at least Ole Miss plays defense.

Wish we still had Hal Mumme 9

Wish we still had David Cutcliffe 21

CB

Ole Miss is probably feeling as shitty about last weekend as I do. They were playing with probably the second best team in the conference all the way to the end and then the Gods of those who hate Billy decided that was enough and allowed Bama to win the game after another one of their decent receivers went down. Kentucky, while having hot girls, really isn’t playing to the expectations of the fans ... wait, I’m sorry I was thinking about basketball … I feel like a real Wildcat fan … win or lose, both teams will wake up the next day realizing that they are having shitty seasons and you know what, they probably wont give a shit…so neither do I.

How does Ole Miss’ starting five look? 17

I can’t see, my southern hair is getting in the way 20

Houston at Mississippi State

ML

Is this MSU’s homecoming matchup? I guess Maine was already booked. In a blatant racist policy, the SEC is limiting the number of chains that MSU football players can wear around their necks.

Where’s David Klingler? 20

Andre Ware was black…just like Sly Croom 27

EGM

Another solid non-conference opponent for the Dawgs. However, unlike Tulane, Houston was not hit by a hurricane and will not be emotionally bankrupt. Maybe they will put this game on ESPN 9 so that Andre Ware can analyze his alma mater in between cleaning out the trash cans inside the stadium.

Cougars, bitch! 28

Maybe we should castrate a pig? 17

CB

This is pathetic…I can’t believe Miss State is playing this crackhead team that hasn’t been good since the likes of Andre Ware blessed their football field. Believe me, the city of Houston probably doesn’t even know that this game is going on cause they are probably all psyched up about the World Series… and another thing, I am sick and tired of this bullshit message board I am on … the loser fans of Miss State don’t realize what nerds they are and its getting sad….their obsession with Gator fans only wearing Jorts is insane…oh on an unrelated note, if I ever see a UF fan wearing JORTS, I will hurt him…

Uh..Astros?? 12

Whats wrong with jorts? 27

Tennessee at Alabama

ML

Which Alabama team is the real team? The team that smashed the Gators or the team that eked out a W against Ole Piss? Although, if you think about it, with the way the Gators have been playing it might be the same team. I don’t know who I hate more, Brodie Crypple or Phat Phil. One is a Beatles wannabe, and the other is a manatee wannabe. I’m really sick of the Manatee. I wish it would go extinct already. If I were governor I’d eliminate the idea of a “No Wake Zone.” I’d also allow the murders of Brodie and Phil. Don’t worry Bama fans, he’ll rise from the dead.

Orange Sea Cows 19

Dreams Shattered 12

EGM

After watching Bama almost lose to Ole Piss last week I realized two things. Bama is not that good on offense and UF is not that good period. Prothro was all that Bama had going for it. UT may have gotten rolled by Georgia but the score was much closer than it looked. I’m taking the Vols in this one because believe it or not…Fulmer is a better coach than Shula.

Gerald Riggs & Co 22

Enjoy that crow Bama fan 13

CB

Fatass Phil Fulmer has to travel to the land of Bama-style luck. The Crimzin Tide, coming off yet another game that proves they have sold their souls to the devil, will be looking to make Phatty pay for selling them out to the NCAA. If I was hearing this correctly, it seems that Fulmer has been avoiding the state of Aler-bamer for sometime in fear of being served to testify in a lawsuit … I guess this will take care of that…This game really has no bearing on anything for me…If ramma jamma wins, then it’ll really help their chances of appearing in the SEC championship game…if Tennessee wins, well pretty much that means nothing … they already have 2 SEC losses and that means they would need UGA to completely implode and lose 3 games and hope the Gators aren’t one of those losses…I think UT has pretty much cashed in their season (as they should) and most likely Bamer’s defense will make Rick Clowson look as confused as his barber…

What am I supposed to cut here kid? 17

Cut Prothro’s Life Support, they wont need to wake him 23

Vanderbilt at South Carolina

ML

Who the fuck cares?

Vandy 21

Cizzocks 23

EGM

Vandy just doesn’t have what it takes to take out the Spurdog.

Cutler looks like 3^rd team SEC these days 18

Cockwalking all over your steamboat 41

CB

SPUUUUUUUUUR-DAWWG, you gearing up for SEC win numero dos?? I hope this is one of those games that Vandy actually decides to show up for. (Sorry for ending that sentence with a preposition). Anyways, Vandie probably feels like someone walked over their grave(s) after losing 3 straight games and basically being exposed for the frauds they are. Carolina had a bye week to get over trouncing the Mildcats two weeks ago, so I’ll bet they’ll be fired up to try it again….

Get off my GRAVE! 16

Aerial Cocks 27

Auburn at LSU

ML

I hope the Bayou Bengals aren’t too excited over their turnover-laden victory over the anemic Gators. The UF Defense really let us down. I mean, do they expect our offense to score if they can’t get turnovers inside the opposing teams 5 yard line? Seriously, you expect Chris to be able to lead a scoring drive where we need to get a first down? This is another one of those games where teams should play for the rights to the mascot. However, there wouldn’t be as much at stake for Auburn, since they have 2 in reserve. If they lost 3 in a row they’d have to pick another one, I suggest the name of those temperance/women’s suffrage bitches from the 1920s.

Elizabeth Cady Stantons 24

Cajun Crawdad Chugging Scumbags 14

EGM

This is a tough game to pick. The Plainsmen have been kicking ass against the dregs of the NCAA and LSU has been playing some serious teams. However, LSU is not as good at home as everyone thinks and JarJar is a turnover machine. Those two factors will allow a less talented, temperance obsessing Plainsmen team to come out of the shithole otherwise known as Red Stick with a victory.

Already lost to one cracktastic QB 22

Unfortunately our QB is even more cracktastic 13

CB

This game may, in fact, be a cool game to watch, lord knows its important. The Race for the West is still very, very close…. With both of these teams playing Bamer at or near the end of the season, what happens on Sunday will most likely dictate which team will actually be playing the Tide for a chance to go to Hot-lanta….Now I don’t want to go out on too far of a limb here, but I would be willing to bet my life that the Tigers are going to win…(I know I have used that joke for three years, but does it really get old?). Man I hope this is a night game… that would be so pimp tight…While I can’t believe that we lost to those 5 turnover assholes last week, I have a feeling that if LSU is fired up enough, and if Auburn plays as shitty as they can, the Cajuns just might have a better than average chance….but still, I can’t believe that Tommey Tubberville’s offense is as cracktastic as the Gators’ right now….I predict some heavy wagering by the River Boat Gambler this weekend, after all, this could be their season on the line…

Double Down 23

We gonna drink until we blind, I guurrannteee 21

Florida – OFF

ML

I have a weird power, after the Bucs started 4-1 despite the pathetic play of Brian Griese, I opined that an injury wouldn’t be such a bad thing. First half of next game, done for the season with torn up knee. Do I dare wish for such misfortune for the gutless moron under center for the Gators? Or for our offensive coordinator to come up with some real plays? Nah, that would be out of line, wouldn’t it?

EGM

I bet Meyer has the entire offensive staff looking in the bottom of cereal boxes for a new offense that resembles his own.

CB

So I’m going camping this weekend….I will be searching for the Gators offense….I hope its not like Bigfoot, and that all it is, is some fat old guy dressed up in a gorilla suit….what the fuck am I talking about?

FSU at Duke

ML

A nice cure for the loss to the wahoos, as Bobby’s convicts take on the pussies from Puke. I would like to see the Devils invite Coach K to stand on the sideline and then see Leon Washington barrel into him after a run out of bounds. Dare to dream.

FSU 51

Puke 5

EGM

Duke sucks and so does Drew Weatherford. When FSU fans get a look at Xavier Lee in this game they will realize where their future could be if Bobby Bowden and his idiotic son weren’t complete morons.

Not so cavalier anymore 49

PUKE 9

CB

PUUUUUUUUKE!!!! That is awesome … I wonder if their big cheer is just a loud disgusting retching sound… that would be great! This is certainly one of those games that the Noles need after getting brutalized in Charlottesville last weekend…gosh I wish I had watched that game .. I would love to have seen Bobby Bowden giving one of those lost geriatric looks like he did after Wide Right II. “Hey, what just happened?! Have you seen my soup?” “Don’t worry Bobby, we’ll get you another soup,” says the orderly, but we all know it’s really the same soup ... just in a different bowl, poor old guy. Wow…that was bizarre…anyways, this game is garbage…

Pullin’ a Harry Carey 60

Baaaaarf 7

Georgia Tech at Miami - CANCELLED

ML

Wow, the first real game for the canes since FSU and it is derailed by Wilma. I can’t wait to see 20,000 attend this game when it is scheduled for December 14^th.

EGM

It would be too easy to describe a situation with prostitutes, cocaine, sedatives, Olde English 800 and Donna Shalala making excuses for this type of behavior. Wait a second, just watch the 11 o’clock news…

CB

Since Jawga Teck is in the ghetto, they probably won’t get all “country mouse” when they get to Miami and see the cocaine scene…I mean I guess being surrounded by crack rock all day will probably desensitize you to that sort of thing…I hate Atlanta, but oh would I love to see the Hornets .. no wait, the Yellow Jackets “fly” down … BLIMEY .. The game’s been fucking postponed … WHEN WILL THESE F-ING HURRICANES GIVE US A BREAK … I blame Bush… I’m sure it’s his fault …those bastardly Republicans … they’re always up to no good!

If you wish to be a Guest Bourbon Boy, make a comment or be added to the mailing list, please send an email to bourbonboys1865@hotmail.com. Have a look at our daily thoughts at http://bourbonboys.blogspot.com.

2005 Records:

Standings W L %

Cuzzin Bailey 48 12 80

El Gran Mono 47 13 78

Malt Licker 46 14 77

Blame

It seems people are dividing into two distinct camps in the Gator Nation:

1) The Hate Urban Meyer and his spread option scheme

2) The Hate Chris Leak, play Josh Portis, Urban doesn't have his players camp.

Personally, I am not a member of either one. I think Meyer's offense stinks and I have never thought Chris Leak was anything better than OK.

Meyer's offense could be good, but how long will it take...2 years...3 years...until all Zook's Blue Chips are gone? Every team should play the scheme that gives it the best chance to win. I am about winning. If Urban thinks the spread option gives the Gators the best chance of winning than keep it up BUT if he thinks the fan base will accept two years of terrible offense then he is sorely mistaken.

I still like Urban the coach. But perhaps installing some simpler, less gimmicky plays over the next two weeks would be a good idea. UGA is better defensively than LSU...and hopefully Meyer knows that.

Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week VII

Cuzzin’ Bailey

Quite the unimpressive showing by the offense last week…how bizarre it felt having the homecoming game that early in the year … I promise this whole thing won’t sound like the beginning of a haiku… anyways, this week the Gators are taking on LSU. We had a huge crew going to the game this year, but thanks to natural disasters and cities surrounded by levees, the trip is off… I know that I have no real right to complain since my biggest inconvenience from Katrina was missing a football game … I am such a shithead for even complaining … anyways, this week has one good game, three shitty SEC games, and two cracktastic ACC matchups… does anyone actually think that UVA is going to win this week? … I thought they were a lot smarter than that….

Malt Licker

What a huge weekend throughout college football. South Bend will be the capital of college football, and the Red Stick will be the capital of SEC football. WARNING!!! Mark May rant coming….

This flabby four-eyed freak says that the only chance ND has to win over SC is if SC “misses the bus” to the game. So what you are saying Mark, is that the 9^th ranked team in the land playing at home and representing a school which has a history of ending huge streaks (see UCLA Hoops – 88 games, Oklahoma Football – 47 games, even women’s soccer ended a streak of 9 straight National Titles for North Carolina and their pedophile head coach) has ZERO chance to beat a USC team that only beat Stanford by 3 points last year, and has had to come back from behind several times to beat teams in the mighty PAC-10. So right…no chance Mark. In fact, you loyal Bourbon Boys readers get an extra pick out of the Malt Licker, that’s right; the Fighting Irish will make my dad happy with a stunning defeat over the Trojans. Pete Carroll sucked in the NFL, and Charlie Weis pimped it. The coaching advantage and some fortunate bounces will give the Irish a 41-35 victory.

The Gators face their second tough SEC road test, hopefully we wont flunk it like Cuzzin’ Bailey in Spanish class.

El Gran Mono

After having a week that could break the balls off a brass monkey I offer a very succinct analysis of this weeks games.

Alabama at Ole Miss

CB

Alabama puts their “Luckiest year of their lives” tour on the road this week. Their first game after beating my favorite team is in Ox’fud, Missuhssippuh. Not dissimilar to Alabama, these folks still think that racism is hip, and that is evident by their unofficial mascot, the Confederate Rebel. Unbelievable. So like I said, Bamer travels up the Old Man River to whip the shit out of Ole Miss. This game shouldn’t be close, but leave it to good ol’ Mike “Worst Decisions Ever” Shula to blow it…It would be funny but highly unlikely….

Ramma Jamma .. something or other 34

O’le Piss 0

ML

The Cryppled Savior looked downright messianic against my beloved Gators, earning an SI cover. They have most likely avoided the jinx because they were off this past weekend, and now face racially ambiguous Ed Orgeron and the pathetic Rebs. The only way I see Ole Piss having a chance is if they fine a clone of Brodie amongst their thousands of long-haired hippie freaks, kidnap the Crypple, and replace him with the clone.

Another name for Menstruation 27

Attack of the Clones 13

EGM

Ole Miss totally sucks. It doesn’t matter whether they are at home or on the road. I can see some really terrible hair tips being exchanged during halftime.

Bad Hair 41

THE WORST HAIR 3

Auburn at Arkansas

CB

While Awwburn is nothing compared to what they were last year, still this will probably turn into a pig-roast by mid 2nd quarter. The Razorbacks got fired up last week and trounced Louisiana Monroe, while the Tigers used their bye week to get the stench of Cock out of their southern hair (wow that sounded much more gross than I intended) … I’ll bet dropping a 40+ bomb on Spur-dawg must have felt great...and with that victory under their belt passed the Tigers, I don’t think the Kansas wannabe’s have it in them this week…

Awbun 27

We’re just like Kansas 7

ML

I’m curious as to the derivation of the Riverboat Gambler’s surname. Is it Irish? If so, that would make sense, after all he could just as easily be called Taterville. However, that doesn’t quite have the same ring to it, unless of course you live in Arkansas. Speaking of “The Natural State,” did you know its state motto is “Regnat populus” which they claim means “the people rule.” I think some yokel thought g was really d and “eck” was really “at”. For their sake, I hope Houston gets elected in ’08 so that state can have the Clinton stain mollified, because their wretched football team will not be the source of much pride this year.

Wow, an actual road game 27

Nuttin’ all over ourselves 13

EGM

Awwwwwwwwwbun has been on a roll lately playing against the smeck of the NCAA. Facing off against Arkansas really fits into that trend.

Pork sammich 13

Teatotaling fuckboys 29

Florida at Louisiana State

CB

I was going to mention this completely irrelevant episode of national geographic just now, but forget it. I’ll bet a Gator could take a Tiger down in the animal kingdom… but this isn’t the wild, although it would certainly appear that way if you have ever been to Baton Rouge…the games there are not for the faint of heart, that’s for sure. I guess the last time we were there, we had a newish coach going there for the first time and we won…it was their national championship year too... that was great…of course last year we played like a standard issue Zook team .. giving up leads and what not … After the struggles we have had lately, I can’t say that I am overly confident that we are going to smoke these Tigers like a peace pipe (what the fuck?)…. But that is not to say that I feel we will lose either…. I think with both teams playing a little funky right now, this is a good chance for Meyer to come out with a hard hitting defense scheme and rattle that douchebag for a quarterback that LSU thinks is good… this isn’t just slander, this guy is a totally fucked up …

FLORIDA 22

LSU 10

ML

Big test #2 for the Urbanator. How will the Gators fare? Not well I predict. We still have an awful offensive line, a Quarterback who is not particularly mobile and can’t handle being hit. Oh yea, we only have 3 healthy WRs, too. Unless Urban decides that Kestahn Moore does indeed suck, and tries to get more touches for Markus Manson, our offense will look nothing more than pedestrian. If our defense doesn’t play a whale of a came, it could get ugly. However, JarJar and Les Miles are dumber than dirt, so we have a fighting chance. I just think LSU has too much up front on defense.

Fightin’ Gators 13

Bleauxin’ Tigers 19

EGM

The Gator offense looks completely pitiful. I know Chris Leak is hurt, I know DeShawn Wynn is hurt. None of that matters to me, I want to see something normal. Not Bo Shemebechler run all the time or 5 wide all the time. I still like Urban the coach, but I hate Urban the offensive mind. LSU is not as good as their ranking but when you are facing a team that struggles to get 10 first downs a game you really don’t need a whole lot. Miles will neglect Addai for JarJar downfield passing and that’s the only thing keeping this game close.

Stale Gators 8

Zook Jr’s Revenge 13

Georgia at Vanderbilt

CB

UGA couldn’t have gotten Vandie at a better time… they are probably questioning themselves right now after starting off so well and then just going in the tank the past few weeks. But I must say this, I am pretty impressed that Vandee elected to play UGA for their own homecoming … it shows balls, and we all know what Tony Montana says, “All I have in this world is my word, and my BALLS.” The Dore’s certainly have stoners, and are probably pretty honest too ... whatever the hell that means. This is going to be a ‘Dawg faced rout. Vandy just can’t keep up with the Shocker, and even the 1600 people in the stands (900 wearing red) won’t even be able to drum up any courage for the fighting Admirals or what have you …

Honey, would you mind picking up my pressed chinos? 41

Honey, would you mind polishing my Noble Prize? 21

ML

Flowers saved the Shocker with his 4^th quarter punt return. Although the Shocker looked impressive, it is a dangerous weapon that can cause much harm if used incorrectly. For instance, the Shocker should never be involved in a down, whether it’s a pass pattern or porn reject. Fortunately for “The Balding Prick,” it would take an unconscionably grave misuse of the Shocker to fall to the lowly Dores.

Looking ahead to Jax 32

Soon looking below .500 10

EGM

Vandy came back to reality the last two games and now UGA is ready to give them a Cuzzin’ Bailey sized Shocker.

Anal loving dawgs 44

No chance of a bowl game 9

South Carolina – OFF

CB

Columbia had better be prepared for the raucous crowd we are bringing down for the Gator game.

ML

The Cocks get a week off for Spurdog to enjoy his first SEC victory of the year, and gameplan against mighty Vandy in his pursuit of #2. The sad thing is, they probably need it.

EGM

Spurdawg finally cranked up the offense last week. Unfortunately, its was against a team that the Gators laid 49 on.

Kentucky – OFF

CB

Just another excuse for the kids from Lexington to sit down in front of the TV with 10 of their friends and a six pack… ahh ... nothing like sobriety …. Losers… their chics are hot though…

ML

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

EGM

The Rich Brooks rebuilding process continues…

Tennessee – OFF

CB

Lost Jason Allen, that doesn’t bode well for the late season match up with the Luckiest Team in the world from Tuscaloosa….

ML

Phat Phil is glad he can go through a Saturday of rib eating uninterrupted by 4 hours of football

EGM

Why not give the ball to Gerald Riggs?

Mississippi State – OFF

CB

If I could get on my Yahoo! Account, I could talk more shit to these jackasses from Stark-vegas…. God they are such losers.

ML

Black Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

EGM

Sly Croom may be a good coach but his team fucking sucks. He is also black according to the latest report from ESPN.

Miami at Temple

CB

Oh it’s the big game huh? Why didn’t someone tell me? Jeee-zus….this is atrocious…I am going to propose a motion that we should never have to talk about Temple games…The only thing I could possibly be looking forward to would be if Temples Coach pulls a Cheney (basketball Coach) move and sends in an “Enforcer” …what was that hockey? … Anyways, they could go after someone’s knee and I’m sure it wouldn’t matter… these Canes players are so jacked up on the powder they probably can’t feel anything … Now since I have never dabbled in the “white-arts” … my only frame of reference is from Predator 2 when that dude grabs a fist full of Snow and throws it in his face and goes psycho … sounds pretty intense to me … I wouldn’t want to mess around with any cokeheads….

Cocaina beyotch 56

Tiizzemple yo 13

ML

The Canes go to Philly for a supreme cupcake matchup v. pathetic Temple. Aren’t these the types of teams you always play at home? Not that anyone would attend the game. In fact, I bet the crowd at whatever stadium Temple calls home, will be close to the crowd that attended Miami’s stirring matchup v. USF.

Kilo Krewe 45

Happy Yom Kippur 2

EGM

Temple….ON THE ROAD????!!!!! This is why I have no respect for the Cokeheads.

5 Nat’l Championships and playing douchebags on the road 32

Bill Cosby rules 3

Florida State at Virginia

CB

Well as I was saying about unethically taking out someone’s knee ... That Cavalier player really surprised me last week. The douchebag couldn’t wait a week to act like a total crackhead going after the last rock. Purposefully trying to injure another player is something I will not tolerate Gator players doing, but shit, if some goon from another team wants to go all Darnell Docket on an FSU player, then I just might buy that guy a hooker … Unfortunately all the injuries in the world won’t help UVA in this game … it would be too perfect for them to knock off the Noles, with so much riding on the game … after this FSU has the likes of Puke, Maryland, and NC State … to clinch their division … Go Wahoos, but I don’t think my secondary support will be enough …

Touch Our Knees and I’ll Scalp You 30

Classy Cavs 13

ML

FSU hasn’t lost to the wahoos since that glorious night in 1995 when Warrick Dunn was stopped short of the goal line. Where the hell did the term Wahoo come from? I consulted Google! for an answer, but came up empty, which marks the first time in modern history that Google! hasn’t answered a question of mine. However, I don’t need Google! to figure out that Fagg, Carr and Weatherford will be not quite shitty enough for the Cavs to win.

I Googled! Bowden and it sent me to www.howtopretendtobeafolksygrandfatherlyrednecktogetthemediaonyoursidesotheyignoreyourrenegadeprogram.com 27

Wahoo, not yahoo!!!!!!!! 17

EGM

FSU has thugs who like to run fast and decapitate people. UVA has a QB who couldn’t add 1 + 1. Hide the women and children folks.

Crime spree in Charlottesville postgame 45

Math wizards 10

If you wish to be a Guest Bourbon Boy, make a comment or be added to the mailing list, please send an email to bourbonboys1865@hotmail.com. Have a look at our daily thoughts at http://bourbonboys.blogspot.com.

2005 Records:

Standings W L %

Cuzzin Bailey 44 10 81

El Gran Mono 42 12 78

Malt Licker 41 13 76