El Gran Mono
I'm pretty excited about "Roadblock Saturday". In fact, anytime ESPN can brainstorm a catchy nickname for something I get even more excited. If they bring sponsor themed segments to CF Gameday, then I might actually die from ecstasy. For instance, the "Coor's Light Meltdown" (something Cuz knows about) would detail the downfall of a great program each week, highlighting the dumb mistakes in a Fall-of-Rome type of analysis: it was the lead pipes, it was the mismanagement of talent, it was the attempt to control such an expanse of land and cultures, it was the attempt to control the media with Stazi-like mechanisms, it was the inability to adapt to a changing world, it was the attempt to ram an offensive philosophy into place regardless of personnel. Another new segment would be called Smirnoff “On Ice”. This show would quickly go through each game and give expert predictions such that those with action could get final tips before putting their hard earned money at risk. I would almost insist this show be hosted by Todd McShay and Desmond Howard. These guys have such a knowledge base and predict games with such accuracy that their weekly picks might bring down the State of Nevada faster than Harry Reid.
Roadblock Saturday! Let do it!
Malt Licker
Has it really come to this? Are we really relegated to resting our hopes for a “successful” season on whether or not we can beat Georgia? It’s a testament to how far we’ve fallen in such a short time. The thought of it makes me depressed. Thankfully, I just saw Christian “big game” Ponder fumble the ball away to NC State and I am gearing up for Halloween with my first ever pumpkin purchase. It’s a pretty mundane slate of games this weekend, evidenced by the fact that the Cocktail Party is CBS’ “Game of the Week.”
Cuzzin Bailey
So, I guess you can call this “Do or Die Weekend” for the Gators. If we lose to UGA its gonna take an act of The Great Pumpkin™ to get us into the SEC Championship game. I know some of you are wondering why I still talk about this possibility, but let me tell you something; Urban has won 2 National Titles, he made Chris Leak into a Spread-Option QB and he can do the same for Brantley, plus with the running of the Trey Burton, having our backs…well, back, that will make a huge difference as well. Man, I’ll tell you, I just read an article and I feel like the players are getting “it” and right now my excitement for this weekend couldn’t be higher! I am seriously so pumped up for this game! Jawga fans and players are so confident right now, Gators is “struggin,” this is setting up to be a very different outcome than everyone is expecting. I was just watching Halloween, off the subject, and anyone else getting the parallels between Chris Rainey and Michael Myers? He makes one mistake and he’s sent away. Gone for a while he comes back and goes on a rampage. Hopefully Georgia will step into the role of The Strode family, and Michael, or “Chris”…wait wrong word in quotes there, anyways, Chris will go on a tear this weekend destroy UGA! Viva Michael Myers! One more thing before I send yall off into the world of the picks, I am so excited, this weekend I get to play the part of the “faux-humble-SEC-fan!” Let me get ready for this: “Gee, gosh, I hope y’all don’t be us too bad ;)” That’ll do. If this piques your interest, follow me on Twitter, DO IT: www.twittercom/cuzzinbailey
LSU and Alabama (OFF WEEK) – Each with a week off to get ready for their showdown next weekend!
12:21pm
EGM
Tennessee at South Carolina (-17)
I won’t stoop down to the level of the mainstream media by belittling Derek Dooley’s misinformed German army comparisons. I mean seriously, this is the guy cleaning up Lane Kiffin’s mess, much like Churchill cleaned up for Chamberlain. You can’t blame him for giving up on the Alabama game like Czechoslovakia. Give the guy a break, defending against the blitzkrieg of Julio Jones, Mark Ingram and Trent Richardson with Nick Reveiz and Co. is like defending Warsaw with a horse brigade against a Panzer regiment. Oops…
As for the game, I expect a Stalinesque style of defense by USC to stifle the summer coated Vols. Meanwhile, Steve Garcia will descend upon Rocky Top like Russian winter. Someone needs to sneak Smokey out like Niels Bohr before its too late.
Vols 13
Cocks 24
ML
UT 12
SC 21
CB
Vuls 14
Cocks 30
3:30pm
EGM
Florida v. Georgia (Jacksonville) (UGA by 3.5)
The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party! Hold on a sec, my phone is ringing…“Oh, hi Bernie”…“What’s that? Your revoking my diploma?”. Well, I guess I had that coming ever since I had the audacity to drink more than one beer while watching a Gator game.
As for the game, the rumor around Gator country is there have been wholesale changes on offense. Does this mean adaptation to talent? Or does it mean more walk-ons in five wide sets? I’m betting on the former. Meyer won a game very similar to this one in his first year. He took down a highly rated UGA team behind a revamped offensive scheme. Granted, the Dawgs were featuring Joe Tereshinski III instead of DJ Shockley, but I distinctly remember a certain ESPN show singing the praises of handsome Joe before the game and how he would bring down the lowly Gators. If only Howard/McShay were on set in those days, then they could have told us how Meyer would adapt and take down the Dawgs.
The Dawgs are playing tough these days but they have gotten fat off some bad teams. I can’t believe I’m gonna make this pick after all of my negativity but I feel Urb has his chi back.
Gators 21
Dawgs 20
ML
Dawgs 20
Gators 14
CB
FLORIDA 23
Jawga 21
ML
Missouri at Nebraska (-7)
Mizzou baby! Undefeated with one major hurdle in Lincoln before a possible conference championship game! What is the state of Missouri known for? Mark Twain? Harry Truman? Compromise? As to football, they remind me of the Gamecocks…simultaneously capable of great upsets and questionable losses. A loss to the Huskers would not fall under either category, as Nebraska has regained their mojo behind their dynamic running QB Martinez. If the Tigers can find a way to protect Blaine Gabbert, they can pull off another upset and make Don Draper very happy.
Sad Don 19
Happy Husker 31
CB
Mizzou 23
Huskers 28
EGM
Mizzou 28
Nebraska 17
6:00pm
CB
Auburn at Ole Miss (+7)
Anyone else hear that Cam Newton is good? Seriously, he’s playing so well, and flying real low under the radar so far. No one talks about him, I feel like I’m discovering him here on BourbonBoys! So, from now on, any talk you hear about Newton, you can trace the source back to Cuzzin Bailey. Anyways, I have heard a LOT of people predicting an upset for this game. I’m not sure I’m sold. Sure it took two unbelievable runs for these Tigers to beat the Bayou Tigers, but…oh wait, Ole Miss, in a losing effort gave Arkansas a run for its money last week. Hmmm. I guess what I’m thinking is the game is close, but real late Newton steals the Heisman, like it’s a laptop, and runs for a score to win the ballgame. I hope this doesn’t dampen the spirits in Oxford as I will be visiting my future in-laws next weekend there for some fun! This weekend I’ll be tweeting from the Cocktail Party and next weekend from Vaught-Hemingway!
Barn it! 27
Bear Down 21
EGM
Aubie 31
Ole Miss 28
ML
Tiggers 29
Yogi Bears 20
7:00pm
CB
Vanderbilt at Arkansas (-21)
I was thinking this was gonna be stock Vanderbilt, kind of a tough nut to crack. Not sure which team would show up, would they get pumped up for a big game, etc etc. Well, as it turns out this game should be pretty cut and dry. The Commodores beat up on the hapless Easter Michigan (Mascot’s) three games ago, but have since been decimated by SEC East foes. Meanwhile, there are talking heads out there saying that if the Razorbacks were in the East, they would run away with the division. Not sure why that had to be said, but going along with that logic, Vandy is in for some real trouble. Arky has two losses to, arguably, the best two teams in the conference, and both games were close-ish. Not sure why I’m spending so much time on this, its gonna be a blowout.
Nerds, books, blah blah 10
What’s a Book? We’re hicks 33
EGM
'Dores 3
Arky 31
ML
VanderDweeb 3
Boss Hawg 40
ML
Kentucky at Mississippi State (-7)
I remember the last time the Gators lost to Mississippi State. I complained about how we lost to a team that lost to Maine, now I can say that we lost to a team that needed a 2nd half rally to beat UAB, at home. Is Ron Zook really our coach again? Is he going to pull off an Urban Meyer mask during the 4th quarter? Anyway, MSU looks to right the ship at home and register their sixth straight victory of the year after nearly screwing the pooch against the Dragons from Birmingham. They face the Cats, whose 98th ranked defense is the perfect tonic for any team struggling on offense. If MSU has turned the corner, they should have no problem dispatching of the Cats.
Black Cats 20
Good luck for Dawgs 40
CB
Still Kensucky 28
Still Trash 34
EGM
KY 21
Miss State 20
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