Cuzzin Bailey
While I stare at my soon to be former and soon to be empty apartment in Jacksonville, I ponder a few memories. The 3 Florida/Georgia games (all UF wins!) I was able to attend and the great folks (including my now wife!) I could host those weekends, the awesome friends I made while in school, and total 180 the Florida football program has done in the past 3 years. I’ll be honest, I was pretty nervous before last week’s game because I had absolutely no idea how JBIII was going to react. I know it was a “warm-up” game, but how did last year’s go, huh? Not so well. That wasn’t all his fault, but it didn’t exactly set the stage for a team from which to expect great things. Last week, even thought I was 90% hammered from an all day drinking fest, I could sense the confidence in Brantley’s play. Even the interception(s) didn’t get him noticeable rattled. What more can you ask for when your team is pounding a weaker opponent. I didn’t take the time to bash Coach Schnellenberger last week as I was preparing for the Greek Orthodox version of my wedding, and was definitely side-tracked; but I will mention that he was such an asshole when he coached at Miami, (duh, right?) and any time you can beat his ass it’s a good feeling. This week the Gators take on the Blazers. I’ll be honest, I’m an educated man, but I’m afraid I can’t speak intelligently about a team that means so little. I did hear that our secondary is going to get tested (more so than last week anyways), so that will give us something to watch. Further, I am aware that they play at historic Legion field, which is the home of the 1993 Florida Gators first SEC Championship Game WIN, as well as, according to my mother-in-law, “The Kick” – Van Tiffin’s last second, 52 yard, game winning FG that beat the hated Auburn Tigers. I love sharing great SEC moments with her, just as long as they don’t involve our teams haha! Go Gators! Oh yea, one more thing before my shameless twitter plug, my good friend Green is taking his young son to his first college football game this weekend! Albeit it’s a Wake Forest game, but that still counts…sorta haha! And of course, you are allowed to follow me on twitter, you’ll thank me and then thank Malt Licker for being the motivating factor in my acceleration into the twitterverse: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
Malt Licker
Let me just say that I love Will Muschamp. I cannot think of a better response to the Shariff Floyd/NCAA business than his press release. How amazing will that be for recruiting? If any of our current players were not willing to run through a wall for him before, how about now? Coach BOOM’s debut seemed to go pretty well, and it looks like the defense will be flying around all year. I cannot wait until the preseason is over. You may also follow me on twitter @joequizza. Follow my picks and win big $$$$.
In other news, my home town lost an icon this week, the greatest Buccaneer of all time, and an even better person. If Tampa Bay were granted a seat in a Senate of the Universe, Lee Roy would be the only candidate. RIP #63, we will miss you.
El Gran Mono
It feels so good to be back in the saddle again. Week 1 is under the belt and I feel like I know everything I need to know. Massive conclusions can be drawn from elite schools with elite recruits against borderline D-IA creampuffs. Hyperbole aside, we did learn one thing. Mark Richt is a dead man walking. South Carolina is only the beginning of the long walk down the plank that is the 2011 UGA season.
As for teams with a future, it looks like the mighty Gators are a minor force to be reckoned with. They appear to be putting players in positions where they can succeed and playing young players without them having to spend three years pulling around a boat anchor to "prove themselves."
Last full week of too many creampuffs but at least SEC play is starting.
In honor of Mark Richt, the beer of the week is Rogue Dead Guy Ale. Not too heavy but quite tasty.
Central Michigan @ Kentucky (-11.5)
CB
This is one of those games that you look at and say, “how much did I have to drink when I selected this one?” Well unfortunately the answer is zero. I can’t remember why I thought this would be fun to write about, so I’ll make this quick. The Cats struggled mightily at home against the Hilltoppers of Western Kantuck-ee last weekend. UK’s QB, according to the stats, looks like shit and they totaled less than 200 yards of offense. Pathetic. Central Michigan beat South Carolina State last weekend with another unimpressive performance. Alls I know is that the Gators beat the Chippewas 82-6 in 1997. That was amazing. This game will be the cure for insomnia the scienticians have been looking for for hundreds of years.
Chips 9
Catz 21
ML
Chippewas 10
Where’s Randall Cobb? 20
EGM
CMich 10
KY 24
Miss State @ Auburn (+6.5)
EGM
From afar, these teams appear headed in different directions this season. This feeling is even more pronounced if you use the season openers to draw all of your conclusions.
However, it might be wise to take a step back and analyze a few things. First, the game is being played AT Auburn. Yeah, I understand a number of fans left the game early last week because they thought a loss was a foregone conclusion. But that doesn't change the fact that Jerden-Hare (sic) is a brutal place to play. Second, Miss State's offense is probably of a similar caliber to Utah State if not worse. I've seen Chris Relf steer a ship and I'm not ready for him to see me through Scylla and Charybdis just yet. Third, Auburn is very young and they will only get better throughout the season.
Despite these points, I still doubt that Plainsmen will win the game. But should they be giving 6.5 at home to marginally good team? I think not.
Dawgs 21
Tigers 20
CB
Starkville Sucks 27
The Maples Shout “Oppression!” While the Oaks Just Shake Their Head 24
ML
Snitching Bulldogs 16
Cheating Tigers 17
Alabama at Penn State (+10)
CB
Look, I’m gonna tell you what I told my wife and her mom, I completely respect SEC teams that schedule tough out of conference games early on, but I just don’t think I would want my team to do it. Maybe its cause we play FSU every year and it would be dumb to add another one, but also b/c a loss early coupled with an SEC loss could end your championship hopes very early. That being said, we’re talking about Ala-fucking-Bama and a PSU team that hasn’t been a real contender since the likes of Kerry “Vodka” Collins (believe it or not, he’s Irish). Look, I’m gonna be honest (again), I don’t know jack shit about the Nittany Lions, but I did see on the internets this site http://joepasdoghouse.com/?p=2462 which praised the ever living hell out of the Tide fans and Tuscaloosa and was almost pleading their fans to reciprocate. Well, if you’ve see the way they treat Ohio State fan’s you’ll understand. Either way, I’m calling for an SEC victory, shouldn’t be too hard to come by…
Tide 37
Nittany Lions 17
ML
Tide 31
Lions 10
EGM
Bama 20
Secondhand Lions 0
Cincinnati @ Tennessee (-5)
EGM
And here is Tennessee, much like Alabama, playing a non-creampuff in week two. They should be commended for this good behavior. I'd love to turn this into a rant against the 12th game (and the sudden "need" for 7 home games) but I'll save that for Twitter and the dark recesses of Irish pubs in the DC area.
As for the game, both teams look to be quite talented on the offensive side of the football and quite average defensively. However, average defensively in the Big East is quite different than average defensively in the SEC. You might think that I'm taking a trend to an extreme but I invite you to watch the 2009 Sugar Bowl. Even dumbass Dooley couldn't screw up the massive talent edge and homefield advantage.
Bearcats 20
Vols 35
CB
WKRP 16
Vuls 30
ML
Bearcatz 17
Vowwlz 24
South Carolina @ Georgia (+3)
ML
Game of the Week! There is a lot to talk about in this one. Mark pRicht is fighting for his life and already used up his manufactured intensity by borrowing Grambling’s uniforms against Boise. It really is do-or-die time for the pious one. If UGA can pull off the upset they’ll be in the driver’s seat in the East. I believe I touched on this last week, but it is my opinion that if you do not root against Georgia every week, you are insane. Who cares about Boise not playing a tough schedule? For me, SEC pride goes the way of the dodo when the black and red is on the field. Meanwhile, the drunkard from Jefferson High School saved the day against ECU, helping the Cocks “come from behind” for the high scoring victory. Will the Ol’ Ball Coach keep playing two QBs? It may not matter with Marcus Lattimore going against a depleted UGA linebacking corps.
Cock ‘n Gun 28
Dead Dogs 17
EGM
Cocks 31
UGA 24
CB
Cawks 27
Dawgs 23
Southern Illinois at Ole Miss (OFF)
EGM
Ole Miss did exactly what I expected last week. Run the football and keep the ball away from their atrocious QB situation. Unfortunately for the Rebs, a late fumble prevented their Wing T/Veer attack from notching a victory. Houston Nutt has reacted by taking water from the players during practice and decreasing their tobacco stipends. These tactics can only lead to a more impressive victory over the lowly Salukis.
Silky Dogs 6
Shitty Rebs 38
CB
Saluks 10
Hotty Toddy 30
ML
Salukis 3
Ole Piss 40
UAB @ Florida (-23)
ML
I loved seeing the pro-style attack and a semi-competent Johnny B, but I am worried about our ability to gain 2 yards when we need it in the SEC. I attended the game in person, so I feel like I didn’t get to see it as well as if I were watching it on the tube. No chance this week to watch the Sunshine replay either, so I am excited to sit down in front of a flat screen and analyze our D-Line. The real season starts next week!
Khaleesi’s offspring 3
GATORS 35
EGM
Blazers 3
Gators 49
CB
Blazahs 6
GATORS 44
New Mexico @ Arkansas (-36)
CB
Well, when I first chose this game to be one of my picks, I stupidly thought the Razorbacks were actually going TO New Mexico. I thought they were morons, but somehow I was outsmarted by folks from Arkansas. I feel like an idiot. In regards to the game, the Backs are going to throw all over the Lobos as they are now a one-trick-pony with Knile Davis out for the year. Either QB with any 2 of ArKansas’ stud WRs could destroy New Mexico.
Nice Original State Name 6
Ditto, Dummies 45
ML
UNM 10
Cover City 56
EGM
Lobos 7
Arky 60
UConn @ Vandy (-1.5)
ML
This would be a great women’s hoops game, well as great as watching women’s hoops can be. I imagine it will draw similar attendance. When you think about it, Huskies is a great nickname for a women’s hoops team.
HUSKIES 20
‘Dores 17
EGM
Huskies 21
Vandy 17
CB
UCawhn 23
Vandie 21
Northwestern State @ LSU (OFF)
CB
I just picked this game to offer an apology to the Tigers. I clearly underestimated LSU last week. I thought the loss of their starting quarterback would cause more of a problem. Why didn’t I just believe in the Hat and that hickass moron Jarrett Lee?? Oh well, even if this were regs Northwestern I’d still pick the Bayou Bengals to roll. This is a serious contender ladies and gentlemen.
NWS 3
LSU 50
ML
Demons! 6
Tigers 45
EGM
NSU 0
Tigers 58
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