Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC 2010 - WEEK II

Cuzzin Bailey
Ugh, that was one of the worst “first” week’s I have had in a long time. I had too much faith in out of conference opponents that usually play tough, and put even more unwise faith in some SEC teams ability to dismiss the lesser ones. Hats off to El Gran Mono for his hilarious 90210/SEC comparison last week; it was a hit all throughout Cuzzin Bailey’s world. Took the cake, one would say. “Best Bboys entry ever,” others would say. Screw You, I would say. Haha, Just kidding…dick. I’m not even gonna try to beat that in this edition. Anyways, week 2 has some seriously badass matchups that we aren’t picking, and some that we are, but regardless as the competition increases, the tension/entertainment rises exponentially, and thus begins the weeding out of potential BCS suitors! Oh yea, I just got on Twitter (something I said I’d never do), so start following me and I maybe I’ll start talking shit!
http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey

El Gran Mono
If you aren’t already aware, ESPN and the BCS have cancelled the rest of Boise State’s season. The Broncos are the de facto team to beat and if you say otherwise you are a racist. So they are good, I get it, but that doesn’t mean they deserve to play in the championship…someone, just cut my internet connection. Hopefully, my picks get through the mails fast enough for the Thursday night game.

Bring on the first real week of football! And enjoy the trifecta of the BBoys via twitter all week long.

Malt Licker
The only positive thing I can take from last week’s Gators performance is that I decided against waking up at 7 am to make the trek up 75 to watch it in person. The combination of 16 bad snaps, Addazio’s banal play-calling and the oppressive Gainesville heat may have caused me to self-combust. Speaking of conflagrations in Gainesville, how bout that Dove Outreach Center? I only took one marketing class, but something tells me the burning of the holy text of another religion is not the best way to spread the good news. There is plenty of good news this weekend. The NFL kicks off and the amateurs bring us an especially attractive slate of games. Let’s hope they can live up to Monday night’s Boise State/Va Tech matchup. At the risk of appearing heretical, I did not mind seeing both Boise and Jacksonville State win. Whatever happened to the days of being allowed to enjoy a great football game without having to consider its speculated ramifications on the BCS travesty and its effect on my team?

Thursday, September 9, 2010

7:00pm

El Gran Mono
Auburn at Mississippi St (+2)

Miss State definitely handled a subpar Memphis State last week but the Plainsmen present a much tougher conquest. Cam Newton is a behemoth with run/pass ability that should easily exploit Miss State’s porous defense. The real question is whether Auburn can stop Dan Mullen’s super spread attack. The Bulldogs appear to have found a passing game this year but I might be drawing too many conclusions from the Memphis game. Last year, they were abysmal throwing the ball and relied almost entirely on the talents on Anthony Dixon. Expect to see four star recruit Tyler Russell for at least a series or two…or perhaps all of the series. I expect a high scoring affair with Cam and Gus Malzhan covering those two points.

Plainsmen 31
Bulldogs 28

ML
The Dell Swipers 28
The Bell Ringers 20

CB
Aubarn 23
Ms. State 21


Saturday, September 11, 2010

12:00pm

Cuzzin Bailey
USF at Florida (-16.5)

One word: Snaps. No, I’m not channeling West Side Story, (God that was lame) I’m talking about snapping the ball. If you can’t get that right, it screws up timing; and that was the biggest demon from last week’s UF game. Who was ever worried we were gonna lose to Miami of freaking Ohio? Not this melon farmer. But now that we are playing a team that isn’t a total joke, it is time to start getting serious. Gators said they are as focused as ever and they will need to be this week. In re: the Bulls, USF fans used to be fun and loveable, but now since they’ve had some minor success in recent history, they have become total assholes. They root against UF every chance they get and even my hometown paper is forgetting where they come from. UF and FSU fans made that freaking sportspage and now they think USF is the big game when they can’t even hold onto their loyal first headcoach?? They think they are they shit, but they aren’t and to prove it to everyone, they hired Skip Holtz…A superstar at East Carolina!! Look if UF loses this game, it won’t be because we couldn’t handle BJ Daniels or the Bulls defense was insurmountable, it will be because we played like shit again…which I don’t see happening…

Bulls are Gator Bait 13
#1 Team in Florida 33

EGM
Bulls 10
Gators 27

ML
2nd class U 13
Hutt-Hutt SHIT! 27


Malt Licker
Georgia at South Carolina (-3)

First big SEC game of the year and as always, it’s the Dawgs meeting the Cocks in a tilt to determine who has the early inside track in the SEC East. I feel like I always pick SC, and I am going to do so again. Although Aaron Murray looked good against Lou-La last week, it did little to prepare him for Williams-Brice Stadium and their passionate fans. AJ Green’s NCAA-imposed absence will make it difficult for pRicht’s boys to put points on the board, and Spur-Dog may have found an offense. A sober Stephen Garcia and talented freshman Ace Sanders give the Ol’ Ball Coach plenty of cards to play. Look for a competitive game to be decided by 2 or 3 big plays.

Shorthanded Dogs 17
Big Play Cocks 23

CB
Sell Yo Jersey 20
Throw Yo Visor 19

EGM
Dawgs 20
Cocks 21


Malt Licker
Western Kentucky at Kentucky (-24)

The Joker’s Kats held off Luh-ville last week and welcome another non-conference patsy to Lexington. Another win this week will delay the annual “refocus” to hoops. The Hilltoppers went down hard to the Huskers last week, but I do not know much else about them other than their awesome mascot, Big Red. In 1990, WKU brought an unsuccessful lawsuit against an Italian television channel owned by Silvio Berlusconi, claiming that its mascot, Gabibbo, is an exact copy of Big Red. In covering the lawsuit, the New York Times business section described Gabibbo as a “better-dressed” Big Red. I think WKU should “borrow” the name Gabibbo and use it for special occasions.

Ciao Gabibbo 6
Did he say Chow or Chaw? 34

CB
Mid-Major in Life 3
Kentucky Play Defense Now 28

EGM
Hilltoppers 9
KY 38


2:00pm

Malt Licker
LSU at Vanderbilt (+10)

I’m all out of Vander-Dork and Cajun jokes, so I’m actually going to write about the game. LSU narrowly escaped last week against a depleted UNC. Watching them barely hold on, thanks to two drops in the last 10 seconds by the Zack Pianalto, the Tar Heel tight end, I realized that Les Miles is a lucky version of the Zooker. Think about it. They share the same confused expression on the sideline, the same incoherent disjointed responses to interviews, and the same ability to recruit. However, Les was kissed by an angel. He loses two games and advances to the BCS title game and the Zooker is famous for a website calling for his termination the same day he was hired. If the Zooker were coaching that game, the ball Pianalto missed would have bounced off his shoulder pads into the belly of an offensive guard, who would then pirouette around a linebacker for the clinching score.

Still Lucky 34
Still Dorky 14

CB
Tigers Can’t Close (sorta) 27
Vandy Can’t Score (enough) 13

EGM
Tigers 34
Vandy 17


7:00pm

El Gran Mono
Louisiana-Monroe at Arkansas (-34)

LaMo can’t stop the run or the pass. Bobby Petrino is an offensive genius. This won’t turn out well.

Warhawks 0
Arky 63

ML
Warhawks (Formerly Indians) 3
Hawgs 45

CB
First Game, ruh roh 10
Western Step-Child No More 50


Cuzzin Bailey
Oregon at Tennessee (+12)

The Ducks wiped the floor with their preseason opponent last week, tuning up New Mexico 72-0. Derek Dooley’s scumbag Volunteers outgunned Tennessee-Martin 50-0. So this week at least one defense is gonna finally be scored upon and let’s break this down a bit. Sure Oregon is traveling across the country to play in Neyland Stadium, but they are No. 11 in the nation. This isn’t some second rate high school team from some backwoods Tennessee town like Clarksville (that’s in Montgomery County). I like the Ducks offense to not skip a beat after losing the criminal Masoli to the Rebels. Giving the Vols 12 seems like an awful lot, and that’s what makes this pretty difficult. I think if Oregon can take the crowd out of it early (and we’ve all seen that happen) send them packing back to their trailer parks to drink ‘shine and beat their wives, this could get out of hand…

DUCK Hillbilly! 28
Here comes the back of my hand! 24

EGM
Ducks 34
Vols 24

ML
Attackin’ Quackers 24
Vol Defense 19


El Gran Mono
Penn State at Alabama (-10.5)

Lots of Penn State faithful here in the DC area, therefore, I’m constantly getting an earful of their nonsense. Running the ball, blah blah, strong defense, blah blah, tradition, blah blah. Those same fans are about to meet a team who actually uses those aspects of the game to win championships. Bama lost a number of stud players from last year, but they are still sporting a stud offensive/defensive line along with Mark Ingram, Trent Richardson, and Julio Jones. Its doubtful that Ingram will play, but with Richardson taking the bulk of the carries the Tide won’t lose a step. Penn State will be starting a frosh Qb and I expect they will be completely shut down. On the other side of the coin, Penn State might stop Bama for awhile but their defense will eventually get tired. This could get really ugly in the second half…

Nittany Lions 3
Bama 34

ML
Plain White Helmets 13
Almost Plain Red Helmets 24

CB
Frosh QBs Come to Die 17
Don’t Need Ingram 28


9:00pm

Cuzzin Bailey
Ole Miss at Tulane (+21)

I don’t know much about Tulane, but after last week, how is it even possible that this spread is so high? They HAVE to be better than Jax State right? Still I don’t think anyone thinks that the Rebels are as bad as it last week’s game would make them seem. That was one of those flukey scenarios where they got up big early and then just fell asleep at the wheel. Now if they were a top tier team, no way Ole Miss lets that happen, but still they aren’t total junk…right? I mean what was with the switching out the QBs like that, I mean they just won a huge legal battle getting the convict on the field, let him flash his shit! This ain’t Shaun King’s Tulane team. That being said, they barely squeaked by Southeastern Louisiana last week. Ole Miss’ loss was an aberration, that win was up to speed with the Green Wave’s capabilities. I hate the points, but the Rebel Alliance may be looking to impress some folks and torture a weaker opponent…

Revenge the Loss, Party Later 35
Hey man, we’re just HERE to Party 13

EGM
Rebs 38
Green Wave 20

ML
We Lose to Jax State 30
We Lose to Everyone 10