Cuzzin Bailey
Okay, this is Bama/UF week and I am sitting here reading a book written by Alan Dershowitz for school. I hate this class. I should be thinking only of the game this week, not some liberal blowhard who is claiming to offer advice, and tomorrow I get to report back to my professor who is trying to be Dershowitz’s equal in blowhardery. ANYWAYS…This is game is, so far, the game of the year. While it won’t “break” the loser’s season, it sure will give some crazy confidence and conference control to the team that wins! I am gonna be there visiting my bourbon girl and Malt Licker is scheduled to make an appearance as well! Gonna be a great one, primetime in Tuscaloosa, Florida vs. Alabama! Man I am so jacked, and for one brief moment my mind was taken off that scumbag teacher! Go Gators! Oh and as always, follow me on twitter at http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey It may not always make sense but I got a shout out for Dickie V last night and it pretty much made this whole thing worth it!
El Gran Mono
Its been a crazy week, and thank goodness because business has kept my mind off Saturday night. I was hoping to spend this weekend celebrating CB’s birthday amongst the company of good friends and strong beverages. Twas not to be, I guess I’ll have to enjoy Game of the Year Part I in HD…and I’m not talking about Oregon-Stanford.
Last week, saw the advent of Trey Touchdown Burton and the decline of Ryan Mallett. I know a lot of people think Mallett is still great but after watching him melt under pressure I don’t think he’s 1st Round. Who will be the hero’s of this week’s game? My guess…Knob Creek.
Malt Licker
BIG GAME WEEKEND!!!! As I’m sure CB has already told you, 2/3 of the Bourbon Boys will be rendezvous-ing in Tuscaloosa for CB’s 50th birthday. It’s hard to imagine he’s lived this long. With his steady diet of scotch, smack and cigarettes, he truly gives Keith Richards a run for his money. BIG GAME WEEKEND!!!! The college football world will (once again) fix its eyes on the SEC, for Urban/Saban Part III. The last time I visited Tuscaloosa, the Bourbon Boys +1 packed into a car and drove 8 hours to conduct an experiment with Popov and Gatorade. The P&G beat EGM, but I think CB and ML held it to a draw. By the way…..BIG GAME WEEKEND!!!!
12:00pm
ML
Vanderbilt at Connecticut (-6.5)
If Bama/UF is Mount Everest, this matchup is the Mariana Trench. Do they even know what a football looks like in Connecticut? If this were a matchup in women’s “basketball” it might be interesting…wait, what am I saying? Unless you love mountain bikes, the Indigo Girls, and Subaru Forester’s you will not be into that either. I’d also be shocked if anyone from Connecticut has ever read this blog.
Lady Dores 31
Lady Huskies 30
CB
Vandie 17
UCONN, football? 24
EGM
Commodes 13
Huskies 21
ML
Louisiana-Monroe at Auburn (-34)
Jeez…can we sink any further? I think this is the second La-Mo game I’ve had the displeasure of covering. Auburn used their mojo again last week, with another thrilling victory at night in Jordan-Hare. There will be very little drama this week. I get the feeling La-Mo’s defense will make it look like even Cam Newton can throw.
La-Mon Williams 3
Plainsmen 40
CB
Lou-Mon 7
Au-BARN 50
EGM
Plainsmen 51
LaMo 20
CB
Alcorn at Mississippi St (NL)
MSU took care of the Fancy pants dawgs from the East last weekend sending UGA into a downward spiral! I’m not celebrating a rival losing 3 straight SEC games, but its kind of funny when said rival talks more smack than any other team about how great they’re gonna be but they usually ain’t. Its pretty clear that Danny Boy Mullen is gonna unload on Steve McNair’s alma mater this weekend. Wow, how many of you had Cuzzin Bailey making a McNair reference and not mention his illicit affair and untimely demise? Oh wait, I guess that was it! Sucks he’s dead, but it’s a great lesson, DON’T FOOL AROUND!!
Turrible 10
Cowbell WOOOOOOO!! 45
ML
McNair U 10
Mullen U 40
EGM
Alcorn St 0
Miss State 500
12:21pm
EGM
Kentucky at Ole Miss (-2)
Ole Miss should not be favored over ANYONE in the SEC. They are just plain bad. KY might not be as good as they talked before the UF game but they are significantly better than the Akbars. Houston Nutt’s magic appears to have ended the second Dexter McCluster got drafted. The Akbars don’t really do anything well and that includes defense. I expect Randall Cobb to get loose on a number of occasions and Hartline should dissect the Akbar secondary. There will be a lot of faux worn-in hats low across the brow this Saturday.
Kitties 28
Shitties 17
ML
‘Kats 33
Rebs 28
CB
Cats 24
Rebels 21
3:30pm
EGM
Tennessee at LSU (-14.5)
I remember when this game actually meant something. These days its just a practice game before LSU gets into the 0-4 portion of their schedule. The Vols are so bad its not worth discussing but I really wonder about the 14+ points they are giving. Perhaps, the bookies are assuming multiple Peterson TDs because JJeff is regressing each week towards absolute zero. LSU’s defense is the real deal but I have real questions about whether there will be 14 points total in this game. I’ll go with Cuzz’s theory about Simms and his love of picks.
Vols 0
Tigers 17
ML
Smokey 10
Mike 19
CB
Matt Simms sucks 17
Patterson loves him 30
EGM
Texas vs. Oklahoma (at Dallas) (-4)
Much like UT-LSU, I remember when this game actually meant something. I guess it still means a little to Joklahoma but with the way their defense is playing I’m assuming they’ve got a loss or two on their schedule. Perhaps, one of those losses will be to the Longhorns who are coming off a devastating loss to D-IAA look alike UCLA. However, Tejas can’t run the ball at all and that makes them vulnerable every week. Stoops isn’t a terrible coach and should be able to shut down the predictable Horns. Oklahoma is much more balanced on offense and that should be the difference.
Horns 17
Sooners 28
ML
Bruin Roadkill 13
Sooners 24
CB
Tom Landry Middle School 23
Oklahomo 28
7:00pm
CB
Georgia at Colorado (+4)
It’s desperation time in Athens. Not that this game is in Athens, but you can sense the desperation all the way in Jax. Some UGA fans have confessed to me that they may not even watch this game. If we made these picks at the beginning of the year, I would have given CU 15 points at home because: They Suck, and UGA is in the SEC. Now is one of those appropriate times for the cliché, “that’s why the play the games.” Jawga wasn’t supposed to be 0-3 in the SEC and should have been a huge favorite here. The only saving grace for the Dawgs is that AJ “the Jersey” Green is back. And against my better judgment, I think that will make the difference…I can’t believe I’m doing this.
UhGod 24
Generally suck esp at home 19
EGM
Dawgs 31
Buffs 24
ML
UGAy 27
Buffs 20
8:00pm
CB
Florida at Alabama (-9)
Aw man, I just found out this Saturday I’m gonna miss the Little House on the Prairie marathon on Hallmark Channel!! Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to party with my girl, my family and some great friends before the Gators take on the Tiiide! I can always DVR Little House, HAHA! Last year, the Gators got smacked down in the SEC Championship game by Bama. Call it great play calling, or bad tackling but either way, it was an ass whopping. The Tide were exacting some serious revenge on the Gators from the 08 SEC Champ Game and hopefully this year Urban and crew have spent the offseason devising a plan for a little payback of their own. I’m thinking these early season wrinkles have been ironed out and now its time to open up that vaunted yet always changing Spread-option playbook! I’m not going to mince words, Bama is the team to beat this year, for the past 4 years we have felt that way and now its another team with the target on its back. I don’t think we are going to be “surprised” by Alabama, and why should we; everything they do seems to work out, so why change it. Their team strength, speed, and talent are the reason they are the hunted ones this year, and its gonna be up to the Gators and quite a few youngsters to shock the world in T-Town Saturday night. Speaking of youngsters, we have a new starting QB, and multi-faceted QB/RB/WR/TE/FB who scores 6 touchdowns in the blink of an eye. Our Line and Linebackers have shown some positives and our Secondary is as steady as I expected. The only problem is, our secondary may not be tested as much as I would like. Urban said we will be going with a “heavy package” (that’s what she said). This means we’re going to have FIVE down linemen. I guess we did it in Knoxville but, as you all know, I was at a wedding.
FLORIDA (total homer call) 24
BAMA 23
EGM
Gators 21
Bamer 24
ML
Tide 24
Gators 10
ML
Stanford at Oregon (-7)
Man…it’s big game weekend on the west coast this week too. This is a super sexy matchup. The high flying Ducks light up the scoreboard like a pinball machine, while the super efficient Cardinal methodically dismantle their opponents behind Andrew Luck’s arm and Jim Harbaugh’s tutelage. If I had no other allegiance and lived anywhere west of the Rockies, Autzen Stadium would be a prime destination. For some reason I see Jim Harbaugh and his amazing jaw-line willing his team to a big upset over the Quack Attack
SU 37
OU 30
CB
Stansbury 24
DUX 28
EGM
Indians 31
Duckies 39
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