Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC 2010 - WEEK IV

Malt Licker
I’m sitting on my couch sipping on some Old Rasputin watching Jacory “never won a big game Harris” take on the Wannstache in Pittsburgh. That is definitely a weird sentence, but no weirder than this season. For some reason, everyone hates a team from a state 2500 miles away with a great quarterback that plays an attractive brand of football. Is the WAC really that much worse than the Big East or the ACC? I don’t understand the disdain, especially since the Gators have been so decidedly underwhelming, that there is no question we’ll lose two games and be out of any national title discussions. Anyway, Georgia has two losses in conference play and the Gators offensive play-calling has the imagination of post-stroke Terry Schiavo. Can the Ol’ Ballcoach come back with a big win and get the inside track on the East? Can ‘Bama show they were able to “reload” on defense and survive its first big test of the season? Can Kentucky win at the Swamp for the first time in decades? Watch the games Saturday or follow JoeQuizza on twitter to find out.

Cuzzin Bailey
I’ll tell you, there is nothing as stress-free as watching a game that’s outcome you already know about on DVR. Sure I was checking the score in church at a wedding on Saturday, but that just isn’t the same as seeing the plays in HD. And since I was fast-forwarding I just didn’t get a sense of the Gators struggles! I mean my UT and UGA and FSU and MSU friends don’t have a problem telling me how shitty we are right now, but they aren’t 3-0 either. Florida is hosting Kensucky this week and while I’ll tell ya more on that later, let me tell you something (spoiler alert), I’m nervous. All this “Urban’s going for 100 wins” talk and “UK hasn’t beaten us in 24 years” business is getting kinda giving me this voodoo-y type feel. Now that doesn’t mean I think we’re gonna lose or anything, but it doesn’t hurt to do a little sub-conscious chanting myself. “Remember ’93…Remember ’93.” Picture it. Gators on the road in Sexington; down by 3 with 8 seconds to go…game winning touchdown to Chris Doering! Many Gators have Mick Hubert’s radio call memorized; “Doering’s Got a Touchdown, Doering’s Got a Touchdown!! OH MY!!” Man, it gives me chills just thinking about it. Anyways, gotta get to class now, gonna learn why North Korea is violating human rights and listen to moronic students compare W to Hitler…should be fuuuun GO GATORS!

El Gran Mono
Its Thursday night and the Rays are kicking the Yanks’ ass and Meeami is kicking Pitt’s ass. I have a little more faith that the Yankees will finish the season strong. I know Yanks fans hate Girardi but imagine if Wannstache was making the calls. Not a good situation.

As for football, there are two very interesting games on the schedule and Boise State plays in their season finale. Oh yeah, Bama-Arky and Auburn-USC are the interesting games…


12:21pm

CB
UAB at Tennessee (-14)

So I met a Tennessee fan the other day, real redneck, and he gave me this craptacular stat: apparently the Gators have won 6 out of the last 7 in the UF/UT series and are still only a few games up. I told him, “sweet dude, who cares about stupid history like that? We won this year, and I’m pretty sure that’s what matters” I think he was ready to fight me. It would be nice if the Vols had that kind of enthusiasm. I am gonna presume the Blazers aren’t that special since I haven’t heard jack crap about em this year. I like UT to run the junk out of the ball just cause their QB is a stock Simms offspring and apparently throwing the ball right into the line of scrimmage is a recessive gene that has phenotyped its way into both chirren. Don’t know anything about UAB, sorry if that’s what you came here for!

Blazers 10
Hicks 30

EGM
Dragons 13
Vols 26

ML
Blazers 13
Volz 34


3:30pm

ML
Alabama at Arkansas (+7.5)

As sad as it sounds, this may be ‘Bama’s toughest game of the season. Ryan Mallett and Co. are coming off an emotional win in Athens, and even the soulless eyes of Bobby Petrino look like they have a spark. To have any chance, the ‘Backs need to jump out to an early lead, contain the reigning Heisman winner and his younger, better, backfield mate, and come up with a big play on special teams. Surprisingly, the Hawgs were able to corral Ingram and Richardson last year, holding the Tide to 134 yards rushing. If the Hawgs can repeat this effort, things may get very interesting…

Crimson Tide 24
Hog Tied 21

CB
Bama 34
Backs 17

EGM
Bamer 31
Arky 28


7:00pm

CB
Kentucky at Florida (-13.5)

Wow, I guess I did my stock, “use the best material in the intro”-gimmick once again. Florida is looking to extend their lead over Kensucky to 24 straight, but this year the Gators have to watch out for Randall Cobb. Dude is electric. Throws, catches, runs, blocks, holds. He does EVERYTHING for the ‘Cats, except snap…which would be sick to see; (Snapping the ball to himself and then running a play). He reminds me of another Randall Cobb. Actor Randall “Tex” Cobb is the picture of versatility. In Ace Ventura, he played the drunk redneck who kidnapped his wife’s (she was way too hot for him) dog; in Fletch Lives, he played the drunk redneck who stole Fletch’s watch and tried to kill him; and in Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol, he played a drunk redneck con…I mean this guy does it all! Its gonna be a challenge stopping Kentucky’s Cobb this weekend, and that would normally be enough to dump the spread and call for a win, but I think our defense is up to the challenge of containing him. Barring any blown coverage touchdowns this year, I just don’t see the ‘Cats driving down the field. Fluke’s, mistakes here and there, I think Florida get’s its act together Saturday and actually scores in the First Quarter!!

Kensucky 12
FLORIDA 40

EGM
Kats 20
Gators 24

ML
Gators 28
Kats 13


CB
Georgia at Mississippi State (-1.5)

The Fancy Dawgs vs. the Dirty Dawgs!! Man I’m glad this game is happening; I just wish it were MSU at UGA. That would be the ultimate “country come to town/fish out of water” tale. One team is gonna be wearing overalls and the other one is gonna have one the black or red slacks/dresses!! Oh man, these fancy Athens boys are gonna be in for a serious surprise in Stark-vegas! There ain’t no clubs son. Just be prepared to hear that shit. Both teams are 0-2 in the SEC and while that may not be big news for MSU fans, a loss here could spell catastrophe for UGA. Mark Richt, Mr. Fake Juice/Enthusiasm, better work his “uniform change/unsportsmanlike conduct” magic this weekend because this is the same offense that UF has dominated the Eastern Dogs with for years. I think this game is gonna be VERY close. But a tipped pass here or there and it’s a blowout. Gonna be a rough year for UGA…And an overzealous El Gran Mono felt compelled to discuss this game too, freaking diligent worker, I’m tellin you!

Fancy Pants 23
West Dawgs 26

EGM
Wow, UGA is an underdog against lowly Miss State. That’s pretty hard to believe given the fact that LSU blew out Miss State last week and UGA has lost two close games. Miss State is terrible offensively and defensively. UGA is inexperienced on both sides of the ball but they have talent. Starkville is not a fun place to play but UGA doesn’t have demons of Sleepy Robinson dancing in their heads. Take the points and have a party after the 1st quarter because this won’t be close

Dawgs of the East 31
Dawgs of the West 13

ML
Red Dawgs 23
Dirty Dawgs 17


7:30pm

ML
Fresno State at Ole Miss (-2.5)

I think the Rebels are taking EGM’s Donna Martin characterization to heart. After an early upset to Jax State, they took it on the chin at home against the hapless Commodores, or was it Ray Pruitt? The Masoli experiment has not exactly worked out. Since he seems to do a better job passing to the other team, Mr. Nutt needs to try to find another Dexter McCluster to catch passes out of the backfield. You don’t want Masoli throwing downfield. Meanwhile, Fresno State has dispatched of Cincinnati behind the solid work of their veteran QB, Ryan Colburn. Look for Nutt to keep the ball on the ground and wear down Fresno State’s smaller defensive front. I see this game staying tight, with Ole Miss scoring a late insurance TD to cover.

Dilfer U 24
Where’s Dexter? 34

CB
Another Bulldog? 20
Get Yo Act Together 23

EGM
Dogs (again) 28
Wannabe Admiral Akbars 27


7:45pm

ML
South Carolina at Auburn (-2.5)

It is looking more and more like the Gamecocks are replacing UGA and UT as the team in the East the Gators need to see lose to widen the path to Atlanta. Can Spurrier’s squad handle this new position? They struggled to beat the Purple Palladins and will have their hands full against the Plainsmen at hostile Jordan-Hare. Auburn has been the lucky version of Notre Dame this year, playing their last two games down to the wire, and coming out on top both times. This really is a huge game. If either team wants aspirations for Atlanta, they must take home a W. Both teams are relying on freshman tailbacks to take the pressure off their mercurial quarterbacks. I think this is a coin flip, but weird things happen at Jordan-Hare. Auburn nighttime ju-ju and another late kick by Wes Byrum will put the Tigers on top.

Cocksmen 20
Plainsmen 23

CB
Gamecocks 21
Tigers 20

EGM
Cocks 17
Plainsmen 16


8:00pm

EGM
Oregon State at Boise State (-16.5)

Its official, I’m a Boise State hater. Probably because of all the stupid ESPN “they are really GREAT” hype. I guess its more of a question of why I watch ESPN at all because I used to root for the Boises of the world. But suddenly the MSM started calling a top five team an underdog and treating them as such. Ridiculous. I’m a fan of a playoff so every year that a good team gets dissed I celebrate the worldwide five minutes of hate for the BCS. So hopefully, Boise keeps getting shipped to the Fiesta Bowl.

As for the game, I saw the Beavs in the opener against TCU and they looked pretty average. Boise is not average and will steamroll the Beavs into their blue turf. Hopefully, that means we don’t have to here “upstart”, “underdog”, “fledgling” Boise talk for three months after this.

No hype 17
HYPE – BUDWEISER HOT SEAT STYLE! 38

ML
The Jerry Mathers 7
Public Enemy #1 34

CB
Beavers 13
Blue Field 30


9:00pm

EGM
West Virginia at LSU (-6.5)

I watched Wva play once this year and they had to score three touches in the 4q to tie the game. Lsu lines to blow leads of that size but their run defense is just too good for wva to make any magic happen. Lsu will have trouble scoring but they'll get just enough


Mountaineers 10
Tigers 21

ML
‘Neers 13
Tigers 26

CB
WVU 10
LSU 24

EGM
Vanderbilt – OFF

What site do dorks frequent? Whatever it is, they better up their server capacity this weekend.