Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week I - Thursday Edition

Malt Licker

The long scandal-filled offseason is finally over, and by the time you read this you may have already watched your first college football game. Days like today make me wish I were still in college. Actually, any day of the week that ends in “-day” make me wish I were still in college. However, all is not lost, as in approximately 33 hours I will be pretending I’m in college while getting housed in Gainesville, or as one friend has dubbed it, “the Hollywood of the East Coast.” This season begins with many questions. Will the Gators defend their SEC and National titles? Will the Malt Licker defend his Bourbon Boys Picks title? Will Cuzzin’ Bailey get a job? All this will be answered in the next several months. Until then, enjoy my clever anecdotes and insightful picks.

Cuzzin’ Bailey

Good lord … has it seemed like forever to yall? … I have been itching to be back in the realm of College Football. I can’t lie to my loyal readers … I have been drinking so please ignore my ramblings … but it brings a damn tear to my eye when I realize that the Gators and the rest of the teams are fixing to start the new season off in a few shorts days (hours) … WE did in fact win The National Championship last year and that can do nothing but make life sweeter … sure we’re not the same team … sure our defense is depleted … but that isn’t on my mind … my legs are shakin’ my pulse is racin’ … it is time to get up off your feet and thank God that He has blessed us with other glorious season … I’m gonna talk extemporaneously for a few seconds if you don’t mind … Now that I no longer find myself burdened with the need to appease an outside presence, I feel that this clarity will provide me with the ability to regain the picks title …

El Gran Mono

It’s finally September and the weeks of no football are over. Crack open the Maker’s Mark and Busch Light because its time for SEC football. Last year, I did not defend my picks crown with honor. I feel that my angst concerning the Internet Gambling ban affected my attitude towards ATS picks. Well, that’s all over now and the gloves are officially off. My fellow pickers beware. I lack permanent employment and do not have limitless golf haunting my spare time. And if you didn’t hear, THE FLORIDA GATORS kicked some Ohio State ass for the National Championship…TWICE. Despite not being picked as our game of week, I’d like to welcome in the non-Reggie Ball era of Georgia Tech football by predicting the blitzing, non-cracktastic QB having Yellow Jackets to beat up on the Domers – 28-10. I dedicate my picks to The Phil Ace Show and his bachelor party weekend – bring on the games and the picks!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

LSU @ Mississippi State (+18), 8

ML

After reading a few previews in my research for this game, I noticed that Ol’ Sly is worried about his QB Michael Henig’s “footwork.” What is this…Cotillion??? If you have a QB who can’t walk, chances are he can’t throw either. Sly should be worried about LSU’s stud athletes dancing into his end zone and the beginning of his funeral procession to the graveyard of discarded SEC coaches.

Piss State 14

Les U 34

CB

Most of the world has already crowned LSU the National Championship not to mention the SEC title … Are we to believe that they are that much better WITHOUT the first-round-drafted Jar-Jar Russell? … I suppose so … I mean they now have Matt Flynn … the guy that beat Miami in a Peach Bowl that meant jack shit to both teams … well shit I guess I would love to have this douchebag on my team … not that he won’t be decent, but he didn’t beat out run-at-all-costs Russell … maybe he draws up better plays in the dirt than Josh Booty did … fuck … I don’t know … it’s the first game of the season AT MSU … big win for the cay-jons … I think.

Gay-Ron-Tee 37

Vick Didn’t Get These Dogs 17

EGM

What ever happened to Miss State having a tough defense and a serviceable run offense? Sly Croom has managed to do nothing in his first three years other than stop hog castration in the locker room. LSU is on the opposite side of the spectrum it seems. The Cajuns are red hot off an assthrottling of the Domers and they return numerous starters and stud recruits. Oh, they also don’t have JarJar to screw up their offense anymore. Flynn has always been better than him and now he gets his chance to prove it. So, if Miss State is terrible and LSU looks great, then why only 18 points? Starkville, that’s why, its a terrible place full of clanging and people who have not mastered rudimentary aspects of the English language. I’m also betting that LSU sits many of their starters so they don’t get hurt for the VaTech game. Miss State has a knack for beating up your team in the process of losing.

Warming up for the Castrated Turkeys 31

Another season of misery…with a black coach 14