Cuzzin Bailey
By 2002, a good majority of our Gator friends had graduated or were on the same track within the year. Three friends took it upon themselves to make sure that, even though many of us were separated by hundreds of miles, the same lively football discussions we once had were not a thing of the past. Well, now they are a thing of the past haha! Oh well, had to happen sooner or later. Anyways, next week, the Bourbon Boys will do a victory lap for the SEC Championship game as we reminisce on all the wonderful moments, crazy guest writers, and controversial moments over the past years…Alright I’m full of shit about the sappy stuff, but be prepared for a bridge burning, sacrilegious, curse-word-laden final edition of THE BOURBON BOYS PICKIN’ THE SEC! But until then, relish in this Thanksgiving, UF/FSU week smacktalk special! Oh yea, FSU SUCKS and Urban Meyer is one step away from being a liar and off my friendly radar!! Don’t forget about me on twitter: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
Good thing its Thankgiving week because I think turkey and fellowship are the only thing that can right the Gator nation. Furman is a terrible team and the Gators made them look like world beaters. I’d love to focus on the “improvements” and “discipline” that Mr Muschamp has instilled in this team but it just doesn’t exist. Perhaps I could put my hopes in the “talent” but outside of DeBose and the linebacking core I don’t see anything to get excited about. Mr Muschamp has two strikes in my book and an FSU loss would be strike three. There is no sense in paying millions to a guy that just doesn’t have what it takes so I hope he proves me wrong. This is where we are at Gator fans, counting on hope. It makes me want to puke. I’ll be locked in on Saturday night, I just hope the Gators are too because this is an average-at-best FSU team and losing at home to them would be embarrassing.
On a separate note, I would like to announce my retirement along with the rest of the Bourbon Boys. I won’t list a litany of shitty excuses but instead focus on the positives of this last decade. I’ve enjoyed the banter stirred up by this blog (formerly newsletter) and appreciate all of the people who have read and participated.
Brew of the week: Shiner Bock. My personal favorite. Easily the best combination of taste and drinkability on the market. Scrap the Coors light and spend two extra bucks, you’ll thank yourself.
Malt Licker
Will this season ever end? Thankfully, I stayed true to my word and refused to watch a down of our latest embarrassment, the 54-32 “win” over the Purple Paladins. So much for getting Jacoby Brissett additional snaps. The only bright side to this season has been my stellar performance picking games against the spread. I’m sure I’ve jinxed myself. The last time I tooted my horn I ended up with a 2-7 week. Thankfully, we are coming up on my favorite holiday of the year, and we have a good slate of games on the docket.
Friday, November 25, 2011
2:30pm
Arkansas at LSU (-12.5)
ML
Is the SEC West that great or is the rest of the country that bad? Numbers 1, 2 & 3 all from the same division is pretty amazing. If the Hogs can pull off the upset, we may see the same thing next week. Is it too late to hire Petrino? The battle for the Golden Boot always seems to be a crazy game. With two of the last four games ending in overtime and one on a last second 4th down touchdown, expectations are high for another barn burner. LSU’s defense has handled better offenses, but I think Petrino will put a few scores up to cover the spread.
Ark. 17
LSU 24
CB
Arks 22
LSU 28
EGM
Arky 21
LSU 22
Saturday, November 26, 2011
12:00pm
Georgia at Georgia Tech (+6)
ML
Even if Georgia can make it from their bus to the locker room without getting shot, they may still leave Atlanta battered and bloodied after this matchup of Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate. They will have to face coach Paul Johnson’s triple option and the Ramblin’ Wreck’s second ranked rushing attack. Somehow, Georgia has managed to win nine in a row. This is more of an indictment of the SEC East and UGA’s favorable scheduling against the west than a testament to the talent and coaching of this team. Because I hate Georgia, and I think their record is inflated by a ridiculously easy schedule, I’m taking Coach Johnson’s boys in an upset.
GA 21
GA Tech 24
CB
Go to Hell 27
Tech 24
EGM
UGA 28
Tech 31
12:15pm
Tennessee at Kentucky (+7.5)
CB
The game formerly known as the Battle for the Beer Barrel, now just the “Battle for the Barrel.” Over my tenure as a respected blog contributor, I have seen a lot of things, and most of them relate to the wussification of society. If you honestly think that the word “beer” is gonna cause anyone harm in this world, then the person who gets harmed and the person who is doing the censoring should be drown in an oaken bucket. Look, games like this are a reason this can get boring. These two teams are a combined 2-12 in the SEC and Kentucky is eliminated from going bowling. The Vols are in a position the Gators were in last week, in which they are desperately looking for a win to get invited to a second class postseason game. If this game and a few others work out, the SEC is looking to send 10 teams to bowl games and may have 5 teams with double digit wins. These two ‘bottom of the barrel’ teams (if you’ll pardon the pun) are terrible, but coming off a “huge” win against Vandy and the fact that Kentucky is just terrible you have to give the nod to the Vuls.
UT 24
Kentucky 10
EGM
Vols 21
KY 10
ML
Orange Beer 23
Blue Beer 10
3:30pm
Alabama at Auburn (+21)
EGM
The Iron Bowl seems to be right back where it was two years ago. Bama en route to a Nat’l Championship game and Auburn on their way to the Crap Bowl. I’m sure Auburn fans are still giddy from sandwiching a Nat’l Championship of their own in there, however, I doubt that championship dulls their passion for this game. Bama is clearly the better team and Auburn’s weak defense plays right into their conservative offensive gameplan. But the game from 2009 is still in the back of my mind and Gus Malzahn had Bama fans pretty nervous that day. I think Auburn will put together a similar performance with the best crowd in CFB behind them. Unfortunately for the Plainsmen and the rest of college football (who doesn’t want a rematch), they just don’t have enough in the tank to take down the king of grayshirting, Nick Saban.
Tide 17
Plainsmen 13
ML
Tide 24
Tigers 14
CB
Bama 35
Burned 17
Vanderbilt at Wake Forest (+1.5)
EGM
This game is actually intriguing because more often than not both teams seem to be pretty decent these days. For Wake Forest its harder to tell because they play in the hyper-average ACC, but still they have a great coach and a good scheme. As for Vandy, they have the best QB in the SEC and a semblance of an offense. In fact, this game might actually be a better matchup than UF-FSU…how the mighty have fallen.
Dores 24
Deacs 21
ML
Vanderdork 30
Wake 17
CB
Vander’s belt 26
Vake Foressht 21
7:00pm
Florida State at Florida (+2.5)
CB
The Bourbon Boys aren’t going away completely but, this rigid, structured, precise, serious selection and analysis of games is coming to an end; that being said, it is my pleasure to write about the last Gators game in this format…and what a game this can be! There is a nickname for this game but I don’t use it. Not because I don’t like it or whatever, but because I had never heard of it until the EA Sports video game “introduced me.” Anyways, I’m sure as you all know, records can be meaningless in this game unless there is some dynamic talent on the field (See: Charlie Ward/Warrick Dunn – 92, 93; Tebow et al – 06-09), but the beauty part of this year’s edition is that neither team looks like a seriously dominant foe. That means that regardless how shitty UF has looked, pretty much all year, they still have a chance because Newsflash: FSU is NOT back! The Criminoles lost at home to Virginia last week…I shouldn’t have to say anymore, but you know I will. Their QB is spastic and I am not impressed with the running game. However, their defense of course scares me and that’s where this game may be decided. The UF D has shown flashes of potential this year, but other times they look like their head coach is NOT a defensive guy. Someone please explain to me how Janoris Jenkins could have covered the entire defensive backfield if he wasn’t kicked off the team? He is one guy and we have plenty of craptastic play for which couldn’t be made up. I mean what the hell was Meyer doing when recruiting for our secondary? You’d think the least he could do was not recruit shitbox players even though he knew he was bouncing…Screw him. It would take longer than this little blurb for me to go into all the ups and (mostly) downs our offense has had this year…JB and Chris Demps (sic) are going to have to be ON this week as we can never rely on our WRs to make plays, however we did see a few touches of brilliance from Dre Debose (even thought apparently he sent out his cell number on a tweet last week). Anyways, this game has yet another Home Underdog this week, and you know what, sometimes you just have to say, what the fuck…
I Hate U 21
FLORIDA 24
EGM
Noles 31
Gators 10
ML
Noles 24
Gators 10
Ole Miss at Mississippi State (-17.5)
CB
Another name game, the Golden Egg. Its painfully obvious to anyone who doesn’t enjoy Ole Miss playing poorly…hell its obvious to everyone that Ole Miss shouldn’t stand a chance in this game. Houston Nutt, as opposed to getting his kids rally around him and the school during his lame duck second half of the season, has decided to mail it in like the horse’s ass he is. Scum. A conspiracy theorist could conclude that it was in fact Nutt’s firing that has caused the implosion of the Bourbon Boys as two of them have an unhealthy obsession with him…I’ll give you a hint, I AIN’T one of them.
Ole Miss 17
Mess State 24
EGM
Rebs 3
Dawgs 45
ML
Ole Piss 10
Piss St 31
7:45pm
Clemson at South Carolina (-4)
EGM
As usual, these teams are almost dead even. Neither one ever seems to get too much of talent advantage and more often than not the better team doesn’t win. That’s why I’m baffled by the 4+ points that the Cocks are favored by. Only one thing can explain it, Vegas likes Spurrier better than Clown Boy Dabo. Even with better QB play from Clemson, I happen to agree.
Tigers 17
Cocks 24
ML
Clemzzon 19
SC 17
CB
Clemzon 30
Sorth Cackalacky 31
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week XII
El Gran Mono
What a wonderful week of games to return to, and by wonderful, I mean terrible. Miss state v. Arkansas is the game of the week and that says it all.
Brew of the week:
Smithwick’s, best enjoyed in its hometown of Kilkenny.
Malt Licker
This week’s edition of the picks are being mailed in on a third class stamp. Third class like this week’s slate of games, or if you prefer, the Gators offense.
Cuzzin Bailey
I’ll be honest, I haven’t even thought about these games since we distributed the list, and look at them, can you blame me? Naw, I have been wrapped up in outside stuff: Sons of Anarchy, Thanksgiving, LEAVING Facebook…you know the usual. Yea, I took the reverse plunge on that one and it feels great. I hate how much exposure I have to people I haven’t seen in 10 years! That’s why I love the anonymity of twitter! Anyways look, this is the least exciting SEC week and that includes the usually interesting Ole Miss – LSU game. My cable is acting funny so I may not even see much of the Gators game this weekend until Breakfast with the Gators on Sunday morning. Alright, that is probably bullshit but it the fact that it’s a possibility should show you how little I care about these games. Do yourself a favor and root for the USA in the President’s Cup, show your freaking national pride! www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
12:00pm
Citadel at South Carolina (OFF)
ML
Whoooo!! What a Matchup!!! Militaristic rednecks vs. regular rednecks! If the Citadel can manage to do something the Gators couldn’t, contain the amazing running ability of Connor Shaw, then they might be able to keep this game within 50
The Fortress 3
Cocks 40
CB
Citadelettes 13
Sorth Cackalacky 33
EGM
Citadel 0
USC 55
12:21pm
Kentucky at Georgia (-30.5)
CB
Got one of the few all SEC matchups this weekend here! Here’s the rub…if UGA wins (likely) the scumbags from Athens are on their way to Atlanta. Let’s just talk about it like its inevitable because it freaking is, damnit. This makes me mad and happy at the same time, let me essplain: Mad b/c, shit, its our arch-rival who is “succeeding” in this bullshit terrible Division; I am happy though b/c of that same shittiness, it’s a pretty good damn guarantee that the Dawgs are gonna lose in the SECCG so that will be nice watching them get humiliated!
Kensucky 14
Jawja 34
EGM
KY 3
UGA 45
ML
UK 7
UGA 50
1:00pm
Furman at Florida (OFF)
CB
I was involved in a very interesting debate this week about what to do with Johnny Brantley for this game and the rest of the season. Do we keep riding the great Gator fan who stuck around through thick and thin (all kinds of weather etc), or is it a good idea to perhaps look to the future, see how Brissett handles a shitty team on our home turf? I was on the side of the future…I mean hell, let JB toss it around in the first quarter, but then plug in the kids to see what they can do and get their confidence up for FSU next weekend. This game sucks, as do they all…
Furman 7
FLORIDA 27
EGM
Palladins 2
Gators 3
ML
Purple Paladins 13
Gators 14
Georgia Southern at Alabama (OFF)
EGM
Thank goodness the NCAA permitted a 12th game for everyone. Otherwise this matchup would only take place in our head.
Georgia of the South 0
Bama 80
ML
GaSawth 0
Bama 60
CB
Ga Suthun 0
Bama 40
Samford at Auburn (OFF)
ML
I’m really glad the NCAA decided to add this extra week of games. It is so enthralling! Maybe they should do away with this week of games and spend the extra week monitoring each football programs anti-child rape safeguards. I don’t even know what Samford’s mascot is, and frankly, I don’t care. Let’s call them the Samford Smegma. I’d rather watch Jack and Jill in a theatre full of 8 year olds (as long as Sandusky isn’t lurking).
Go Smegs! 3
War Tigers 55
CB
Samford 10
Auburn 29
EGM
Terry Bowden Part I 10
Terry Bowden Part II 48
3:30pm
Mississippi State at Arkansas (-13)
EGM
Remember when everyone was calling Dan Mullen a genius and touting Miss State as a darkhorse conference contender? Those people should probably stop thinking of Florida as a major win and more of something that happens often. Because, oh yes, that pronouncement was based on the Miss State’s asswhooping of Mr Mom and the Non-talent Assclowns.
As for the game, Petrino would never allow a loss in this situation and smells an opportunity to tie for the conference title next week. I smell the hammer of Thor coming out.
Miss State 10
Arky 42
ML
MSU 14
Arkansas 31
CB
Miss Stizz 13
Arkansar 27
7:00pm
LSU at Ole Miss (+30)
ML
My one non “OFF Line” game of the week and it is this pile of drivel? I wouldn’t watch this game at gunpoint. You know your program is in trouble if the most well known person in your program is your currently-fired-yet-still-coaching head coach. If this were a lynching contest Ole Miss might be favored.
Tigers 34
Rebs 7
CB
LSU 32
Ole Miss 10
EGM
Tigers 35
Rebs 0
Vanderbilt at Tennessee (+1.5)
EGM
And this is what we have come to, Vandy being favored over Tennessee. The Dores have possibly the best QB in the league and he’s going to be around for awhile. As for Derek Dooley…not so much. How long before those orange pants are on a rack at Goodwill?
Dores 24
Vols 17
ML
Vandurp 24
Vowlz 20
CB
Vandersexxx (Eurotrip Reference) 20
InbredSexxx (Tennessee Reference) 17
What a wonderful week of games to return to, and by wonderful, I mean terrible. Miss state v. Arkansas is the game of the week and that says it all.
Brew of the week:
Smithwick’s, best enjoyed in its hometown of Kilkenny.
Malt Licker
This week’s edition of the picks are being mailed in on a third class stamp. Third class like this week’s slate of games, or if you prefer, the Gators offense.
Cuzzin Bailey
I’ll be honest, I haven’t even thought about these games since we distributed the list, and look at them, can you blame me? Naw, I have been wrapped up in outside stuff: Sons of Anarchy, Thanksgiving, LEAVING Facebook…you know the usual. Yea, I took the reverse plunge on that one and it feels great. I hate how much exposure I have to people I haven’t seen in 10 years! That’s why I love the anonymity of twitter! Anyways look, this is the least exciting SEC week and that includes the usually interesting Ole Miss – LSU game. My cable is acting funny so I may not even see much of the Gators game this weekend until Breakfast with the Gators on Sunday morning. Alright, that is probably bullshit but it the fact that it’s a possibility should show you how little I care about these games. Do yourself a favor and root for the USA in the President’s Cup, show your freaking national pride! www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
12:00pm
Citadel at South Carolina (OFF)
ML
Whoooo!! What a Matchup!!! Militaristic rednecks vs. regular rednecks! If the Citadel can manage to do something the Gators couldn’t, contain the amazing running ability of Connor Shaw, then they might be able to keep this game within 50
The Fortress 3
Cocks 40
CB
Citadelettes 13
Sorth Cackalacky 33
EGM
Citadel 0
USC 55
12:21pm
Kentucky at Georgia (-30.5)
CB
Got one of the few all SEC matchups this weekend here! Here’s the rub…if UGA wins (likely) the scumbags from Athens are on their way to Atlanta. Let’s just talk about it like its inevitable because it freaking is, damnit. This makes me mad and happy at the same time, let me essplain: Mad b/c, shit, its our arch-rival who is “succeeding” in this bullshit terrible Division; I am happy though b/c of that same shittiness, it’s a pretty good damn guarantee that the Dawgs are gonna lose in the SECCG so that will be nice watching them get humiliated!
Kensucky 14
Jawja 34
EGM
KY 3
UGA 45
ML
UK 7
UGA 50
1:00pm
Furman at Florida (OFF)
CB
I was involved in a very interesting debate this week about what to do with Johnny Brantley for this game and the rest of the season. Do we keep riding the great Gator fan who stuck around through thick and thin (all kinds of weather etc), or is it a good idea to perhaps look to the future, see how Brissett handles a shitty team on our home turf? I was on the side of the future…I mean hell, let JB toss it around in the first quarter, but then plug in the kids to see what they can do and get their confidence up for FSU next weekend. This game sucks, as do they all…
Furman 7
FLORIDA 27
EGM
Palladins 2
Gators 3
ML
Purple Paladins 13
Gators 14
Georgia Southern at Alabama (OFF)
EGM
Thank goodness the NCAA permitted a 12th game for everyone. Otherwise this matchup would only take place in our head.
Georgia of the South 0
Bama 80
ML
GaSawth 0
Bama 60
CB
Ga Suthun 0
Bama 40
Samford at Auburn (OFF)
ML
I’m really glad the NCAA decided to add this extra week of games. It is so enthralling! Maybe they should do away with this week of games and spend the extra week monitoring each football programs anti-child rape safeguards. I don’t even know what Samford’s mascot is, and frankly, I don’t care. Let’s call them the Samford Smegma. I’d rather watch Jack and Jill in a theatre full of 8 year olds (as long as Sandusky isn’t lurking).
Go Smegs! 3
War Tigers 55
CB
Samford 10
Auburn 29
EGM
Terry Bowden Part I 10
Terry Bowden Part II 48
3:30pm
Mississippi State at Arkansas (-13)
EGM
Remember when everyone was calling Dan Mullen a genius and touting Miss State as a darkhorse conference contender? Those people should probably stop thinking of Florida as a major win and more of something that happens often. Because, oh yes, that pronouncement was based on the Miss State’s asswhooping of Mr Mom and the Non-talent Assclowns.
As for the game, Petrino would never allow a loss in this situation and smells an opportunity to tie for the conference title next week. I smell the hammer of Thor coming out.
Miss State 10
Arky 42
ML
MSU 14
Arkansas 31
CB
Miss Stizz 13
Arkansar 27
7:00pm
LSU at Ole Miss (+30)
ML
My one non “OFF Line” game of the week and it is this pile of drivel? I wouldn’t watch this game at gunpoint. You know your program is in trouble if the most well known person in your program is your currently-fired-yet-still-coaching head coach. If this were a lynching contest Ole Miss might be favored.
Tigers 34
Rebs 7
CB
LSU 32
Ole Miss 10
EGM
Tigers 35
Rebs 0
Vanderbilt at Tennessee (+1.5)
EGM
And this is what we have come to, Vandy being favored over Tennessee. The Dores have possibly the best QB in the league and he’s going to be around for awhile. As for Derek Dooley…not so much. How long before those orange pants are on a rack at Goodwill?
Dores 24
Vols 17
ML
Vandurp 24
Vowlz 20
CB
Vandersexxx (Eurotrip Reference) 20
InbredSexxx (Tennessee Reference) 17
Friday, November 11, 2011
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week XI
Malt Licker
So there are football programs out there with more reason to be embarrassed than the Gators? I like to think of myself as a contrarian. I make light of devastating tornados, hurricanes, tsunamis, black holes, gamma ray bursts and other catastrophes in this crazy universe. But sexual abuse of little boys is something that even I will not joke about. However, I am always interested in the reaction of the Facebook/Twitter-verse. Especially folks calling for everyone’s head, including those, like Joe-Pa, who are not subject to a criminal indictment. None of us know how McQueary framed the alleged incident to Paterno, yet the vast majority of people are unwilling to extend Joe-Pa the benefit of the doubt. I’ve seen some people even suggest that Penn State should cancel this week’s game, or the rest of the season. What would that accomplish? Do we need to take drastic measures to prove that we all think raping little boys is bad? I get the impression that some people will not be satisfied unless PSU revokes every football scholarship Paterno granted and tears down Beaver Stadium brick-by-brick. However, I would like to congratulate the OWS crowd for no longer being considered the stupidest protesters of the year.
Cuzzin Bailey
Look, I know what’s going on, I’m watching that movie “Devil” right now and it has inspired me to take responsibility for what I’m doing. I SUCK at picking games. I am the reason they invented the phrase “for entertainment purposes only.” No one should ever take my advice (not that yall did in the first place). In the spirit of Tommy Boy, let me give you the reasons why I suck as a handicapper: 1) I don’t do any research: everything I say is off the cuff and all of my facts are made up, butchered from another source, or half observed, which leads to my next point; 2) I watch most games in a drunken stupor: These facts or tidbits are just things I have heard Gary Daniels, Verne Lundquist, or (gasp) Andre Ware say and should be taken with a grain of salt; 3) I am a huge homer: not only do I blindly root for the Gators, but I have other teams in my arsenal that would like to do well. I have an agenda ladies and gentlemen and that clouds my judgment, a lot. 4) I usually write this thing while neck deep in a movie or a TV show. I think one year I actually picked a few teams to “push.” While this is entirely possible, it can be a long shot when you're picking against the spread like us.
Anyways, I went to Gainesville last weekend with my wife and we had a great time watching the Gators snap that losing streak, but were disappointed by the LSU victory. Homer statement.
Oh yea, I got through this entire opening without talking about Penn State. Annnnnnd since I just ruined that, I might as well say my piece: Kid’s getting “abused” like that is horrific; JoePa had very little to do with it, but b/c he didn’t do absolutely everything he could and the fact that the Board of Trustees had it out for him, the decision to fire him in the season was easy for them; finally, if guilty, Jerry Sandusky will rot in hell, and if prison justice is an actual thing, we’ll be hearing about it. That’s about it, I actually don’t have an agenda here, it’s a tragedy and I hope those students who “rioted” don’t get jobs b/c they are sheep-lemmings looking for attention. Oh, shit! I almost forgot to plug my twitter account: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
Hello, from the Southwest Coast of Ireland. I managed to see 1Q of the “game of the century” and it was exactly as expected. Two shite offenses getting shut downs by dominant defenses. I was glad to see the Gators didn’t lose to Vandy. I’m also glad I didn’t see it.
Brew of the Week: Steinlager Pure, enjoyed a number of these at a Kiwi restaurant on the Antrim Coast. It needs to come back to the US soon, if only for me to enjoy.
12:00pm
Florida at South Carolina (-3.5)
CB
In sticking with the fine tradition of famous homers, I would like to tell you how the Gators are gonna kick some serious ass this weekend! We haven’t won back to back games since Tennessee and Kentucky. Don’t let their 1-9 combined SEC records fool you, those were tough teams with a lot to prove (of course they failed at that whole-heartedly). South Cackalacky needs to win this weekend and hope that the trashbag Georgia Bulldogs can at least split their last two SEC games. If the Gators win this week, USC will have 3 conference losses and the Cocks will need Jawja to lose both. So in true homer fashion, let me explain that while we have touched bottom this year, having Johnny Brantley back is such a breath of fresh air. Our defense has been playing poorly late (perfect, I know), but without a QB that’s 100% and their best RB USCe is very vulnerable. Oh yea, I would like to say “Thank you” and “Screw you” to Spurrier. If you know me at all, you’ll know why. Huge Gators win here, lock it up!
FLORIDA 24
Cawks 21
EGM
Cocks 28
Gators 17
ML
Spurrier 24
Muschamp 14
12:21pm
Kentucky at Vanderbilt (-13)
CB
With El Gran Mono doing the bare minimum, we are getting stuck with this gutter trash. I love both towns these teams come from so I can’t be a total hater this week. The Wildcats are going to lose this game. That’s a fact, but by how much is what you’re really wondering. I think Aaron Rodgers lil’ brother is going to completely decimate this Kentucky team. Book it.
Kensuck 13
Vander 49
EGM
KY 10
Vandy 31
ML
Wildcats 10
Commodores 28
3:30pm
Auburn at Georgia (-13)
ML
I saw the ESPN documentary Roll Tide/War Eagle this week. Is there a bigger loser than Harvey Updyke? (Any questions like this implicitly contain the preface “other than Jerry Sandusky”). Way to go with that tree poisoning redneck. Anyway, I did not know that Auburn and ‘Bama refused to play for decades due to some petty grievance. It is nice to know that some things never change. Speaking of things never changing, Georgia still sucks, but could still be the Eastern sacrificial lamb in Atlanta this December. It’s difficult to believe that both of these teams are ranked. Is it me or is the level of play in college football this year a lot worse than in year’s past? Maybe I should start watching more games that don’t involve the Gators. It is clouding my judgment. I know Auburn stinks, but should they really be a 13 point underdog? I feel like they will pick off a couple Murray passes to keep this game close.
Kittys 19
Puppys 27
CB
Aubarn 14
Georgah 24
EGM
Plainsmen 10
UGA 21
6:00pm
Tennessee at Arkansas (-14)
ML
Speaking of child molesters, Bobby Petrino has his Hawgs stealthily in the hunt for a BCS bid. The matchup against LSU looms large as Arkansas makes its way through the underporkbelly of their schedule. Without Tyler Bray, Tennessee has no chance.
Vols 13
Hawgs 34
CB
Vuls 16
Arkansas 33
EGM
Vols 13
Arky 34
7:00pm
Western Kentucky at LSU (-41.5)
EGM
Team of the Century with Jarrett Lee and JJeff at the helm? The pundits might want to think that through.
WKU 0
LSU 58
ML
Hilltoppers 0
Tigers 38
CB
WKU 3
LSU 48
7:30pm
Louisiana Tech at Ole Miss (+2)
ML
When you are a home underdog against Louisiana Tech and it is not against the Lady Techsters, it might be time to fire your coach. Ole Miss took care of this last week and will send Nutt packing at the end of the year. It’s hard to believe that such a dynamic personality and handsome southern gent is not a better recruiter. If Ole Miss could fuse Ed Orgeron and Houston Nutt into one coach named Edston Nuteron, they would be unstoppable! At least they have a lame mascot.
Techsters 10
Nutters 11
CB
La-Tech 14
Ole Miss 17
EGM
Lady Techsters 10
Ole Miss 13
7:45pm
Alabama at Mississippi State (+18)
CB
Ugh, what an awful way/place to come back after such a devastating loss. I really over estimated Bama’s ability to move the ball on LSU last week. In fact that pick of mine has sent me in a tailspin of emotional trauma. The freaking final was 9-6 in OVERTIME and while it was the Tide’s game to lose (they missed 4 FGs), it wasn’t like they were going to kill the Tigers. I guess the only cure for such heart break is playing a team like Mississippi State. But like I said, the environment is going to be tough to get up for here. Most of the kids in the SEC have only seen stadiums smaller in high school, and that can be a real shock. Hopefully for Bama’s sake this won’t keep them down for too long, I’m sure they just want to get back on the field and regroup.
Bama 38
Miss Stizzle 10
EGM
Bama 41
Miss State 7
ML
‘Bama 30
MSU 10
So there are football programs out there with more reason to be embarrassed than the Gators? I like to think of myself as a contrarian. I make light of devastating tornados, hurricanes, tsunamis, black holes, gamma ray bursts and other catastrophes in this crazy universe. But sexual abuse of little boys is something that even I will not joke about. However, I am always interested in the reaction of the Facebook/Twitter-verse. Especially folks calling for everyone’s head, including those, like Joe-Pa, who are not subject to a criminal indictment. None of us know how McQueary framed the alleged incident to Paterno, yet the vast majority of people are unwilling to extend Joe-Pa the benefit of the doubt. I’ve seen some people even suggest that Penn State should cancel this week’s game, or the rest of the season. What would that accomplish? Do we need to take drastic measures to prove that we all think raping little boys is bad? I get the impression that some people will not be satisfied unless PSU revokes every football scholarship Paterno granted and tears down Beaver Stadium brick-by-brick. However, I would like to congratulate the OWS crowd for no longer being considered the stupidest protesters of the year.
Cuzzin Bailey
Look, I know what’s going on, I’m watching that movie “Devil” right now and it has inspired me to take responsibility for what I’m doing. I SUCK at picking games. I am the reason they invented the phrase “for entertainment purposes only.” No one should ever take my advice (not that yall did in the first place). In the spirit of Tommy Boy, let me give you the reasons why I suck as a handicapper: 1) I don’t do any research: everything I say is off the cuff and all of my facts are made up, butchered from another source, or half observed, which leads to my next point; 2) I watch most games in a drunken stupor: These facts or tidbits are just things I have heard Gary Daniels, Verne Lundquist, or (gasp) Andre Ware say and should be taken with a grain of salt; 3) I am a huge homer: not only do I blindly root for the Gators, but I have other teams in my arsenal that would like to do well. I have an agenda ladies and gentlemen and that clouds my judgment, a lot. 4) I usually write this thing while neck deep in a movie or a TV show. I think one year I actually picked a few teams to “push.” While this is entirely possible, it can be a long shot when you're picking against the spread like us.
Anyways, I went to Gainesville last weekend with my wife and we had a great time watching the Gators snap that losing streak, but were disappointed by the LSU victory. Homer statement.
Oh yea, I got through this entire opening without talking about Penn State. Annnnnnd since I just ruined that, I might as well say my piece: Kid’s getting “abused” like that is horrific; JoePa had very little to do with it, but b/c he didn’t do absolutely everything he could and the fact that the Board of Trustees had it out for him, the decision to fire him in the season was easy for them; finally, if guilty, Jerry Sandusky will rot in hell, and if prison justice is an actual thing, we’ll be hearing about it. That’s about it, I actually don’t have an agenda here, it’s a tragedy and I hope those students who “rioted” don’t get jobs b/c they are sheep-lemmings looking for attention. Oh, shit! I almost forgot to plug my twitter account: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
Hello, from the Southwest Coast of Ireland. I managed to see 1Q of the “game of the century” and it was exactly as expected. Two shite offenses getting shut downs by dominant defenses. I was glad to see the Gators didn’t lose to Vandy. I’m also glad I didn’t see it.
Brew of the Week: Steinlager Pure, enjoyed a number of these at a Kiwi restaurant on the Antrim Coast. It needs to come back to the US soon, if only for me to enjoy.
12:00pm
Florida at South Carolina (-3.5)
CB
In sticking with the fine tradition of famous homers, I would like to tell you how the Gators are gonna kick some serious ass this weekend! We haven’t won back to back games since Tennessee and Kentucky. Don’t let their 1-9 combined SEC records fool you, those were tough teams with a lot to prove (of course they failed at that whole-heartedly). South Cackalacky needs to win this weekend and hope that the trashbag Georgia Bulldogs can at least split their last two SEC games. If the Gators win this week, USC will have 3 conference losses and the Cocks will need Jawja to lose both. So in true homer fashion, let me explain that while we have touched bottom this year, having Johnny Brantley back is such a breath of fresh air. Our defense has been playing poorly late (perfect, I know), but without a QB that’s 100% and their best RB USCe is very vulnerable. Oh yea, I would like to say “Thank you” and “Screw you” to Spurrier. If you know me at all, you’ll know why. Huge Gators win here, lock it up!
FLORIDA 24
Cawks 21
EGM
Cocks 28
Gators 17
ML
Spurrier 24
Muschamp 14
12:21pm
Kentucky at Vanderbilt (-13)
CB
With El Gran Mono doing the bare minimum, we are getting stuck with this gutter trash. I love both towns these teams come from so I can’t be a total hater this week. The Wildcats are going to lose this game. That’s a fact, but by how much is what you’re really wondering. I think Aaron Rodgers lil’ brother is going to completely decimate this Kentucky team. Book it.
Kensuck 13
Vander 49
EGM
KY 10
Vandy 31
ML
Wildcats 10
Commodores 28
3:30pm
Auburn at Georgia (-13)
ML
I saw the ESPN documentary Roll Tide/War Eagle this week. Is there a bigger loser than Harvey Updyke? (Any questions like this implicitly contain the preface “other than Jerry Sandusky”). Way to go with that tree poisoning redneck. Anyway, I did not know that Auburn and ‘Bama refused to play for decades due to some petty grievance. It is nice to know that some things never change. Speaking of things never changing, Georgia still sucks, but could still be the Eastern sacrificial lamb in Atlanta this December. It’s difficult to believe that both of these teams are ranked. Is it me or is the level of play in college football this year a lot worse than in year’s past? Maybe I should start watching more games that don’t involve the Gators. It is clouding my judgment. I know Auburn stinks, but should they really be a 13 point underdog? I feel like they will pick off a couple Murray passes to keep this game close.
Kittys 19
Puppys 27
CB
Aubarn 14
Georgah 24
EGM
Plainsmen 10
UGA 21
6:00pm
Tennessee at Arkansas (-14)
ML
Speaking of child molesters, Bobby Petrino has his Hawgs stealthily in the hunt for a BCS bid. The matchup against LSU looms large as Arkansas makes its way through the underporkbelly of their schedule. Without Tyler Bray, Tennessee has no chance.
Vols 13
Hawgs 34
CB
Vuls 16
Arkansas 33
EGM
Vols 13
Arky 34
7:00pm
Western Kentucky at LSU (-41.5)
EGM
Team of the Century with Jarrett Lee and JJeff at the helm? The pundits might want to think that through.
WKU 0
LSU 58
ML
Hilltoppers 0
Tigers 38
CB
WKU 3
LSU 48
7:30pm
Louisiana Tech at Ole Miss (+2)
ML
When you are a home underdog against Louisiana Tech and it is not against the Lady Techsters, it might be time to fire your coach. Ole Miss took care of this last week and will send Nutt packing at the end of the year. It’s hard to believe that such a dynamic personality and handsome southern gent is not a better recruiter. If Ole Miss could fuse Ed Orgeron and Houston Nutt into one coach named Edston Nuteron, they would be unstoppable! At least they have a lame mascot.
Techsters 10
Nutters 11
CB
La-Tech 14
Ole Miss 17
EGM
Lady Techsters 10
Ole Miss 13
7:45pm
Alabama at Mississippi State (+18)
CB
Ugh, what an awful way/place to come back after such a devastating loss. I really over estimated Bama’s ability to move the ball on LSU last week. In fact that pick of mine has sent me in a tailspin of emotional trauma. The freaking final was 9-6 in OVERTIME and while it was the Tide’s game to lose (they missed 4 FGs), it wasn’t like they were going to kill the Tigers. I guess the only cure for such heart break is playing a team like Mississippi State. But like I said, the environment is going to be tough to get up for here. Most of the kids in the SEC have only seen stadiums smaller in high school, and that can be a real shock. Hopefully for Bama’s sake this won’t keep them down for too long, I’m sure they just want to get back on the field and regroup.
Bama 38
Miss Stizzle 10
EGM
Bama 41
Miss State 7
ML
‘Bama 30
MSU 10
Friday, November 04, 2011
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week X
Cuzzin Bailey
Look, I was right to have a good feeling last week, regardless of the outcome. In every way, it seemed as though the gods wanted us to win, yet somehow the Gators pulled a Jawga and came up lame. I get that we only score one offensive TD and gave up 3, but other than two perfectly placed 4th down touchdown passes…alright, I’ll stop. Basically we suck this year, and here is my plea: If you are at all close to jumping off the bandwagon, complete the jump. As I saw on twitter this week, this will be a good year to “trim the fat” of the folks that jumped on during our heyday (06-09). As frustrated with Gators as I have been, I’m still positive about the future and the direction that Muschamp is planning on taking us; those who are ‘done’ with UF aren’t welcome anyways. Look, if the football team isn’t one of the top 2 reasons you are applying to or want your kid to go to Florida, do us all a favor and send him/her to Harvard (they will accept our scraps). This made sense when I started writing it a few days ago. Anyways, this weekend the Bourbon wife and I are heading up to Gainesville for the Vandy game thanks to some friends of ours who recently got engaged (in Jacksonville last weekend, hardcore Gators), and Gator Growl courtesy of past BBOYS contributor the Dinner Cruise Gambler. Heed my warnings, if you only peripherally care about the Gators do yourself and everyone here a favor get a haircut and dust off your FSU shirt you wore in the 90s. For more nonsense: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
Malt Licker
I must say I am quite envious of El Gran Mono. Not only is he currently basking in the overcast skies of the Emerald Isle, he is virtually assured of missing this week’s throttling of his alma mater by the Vanderbilt Commodores. It should be considered an act of war to allow broadcasts featuring this pathetic Gators football team to cross into foreign airwaves. This year’s team makes last year’s team look semi-competent . I’d rather spend three hours watching Kirstie Alley and Roseanne Barr try to shoehorn themselves into Charlie Weis’ coaching gear, than witness another illegal-procedure-riddled debacle. Did you know we lead the country in penalties per game? Does John Brantley know that letting the play clock run own to “0” equals a five yard penalty? Unfortunately, because I’m a fan, I will be forced to subject myself to the torture scheduled for 12:20. There are only two interesting SEC matchups this week, one of them being the latest game of the century. Remember when we played in those? Naturally, the other interesting game, USC/Arky is on at just about the same time. At least the dial will be clear for the thrilling matchup between Ole Miss and Kentucky!
El Gran Mono
Greetings from Dublin! If you guessed that I am writing this at my hotel bar that overlooks a medieval cathedral then you are right. I might be the only college football fan in the universe that probably won’t be watching the game of the century tomorrow. However, chances are I will still be awake at midnight and taking down a pint with the Antrim Coast in the background so maybe it will be on. My take on the game, Nick Saban runs a more disciplined ship than Les Miles. In a game of equals, I’ll take the team that doesn’t try something stupid. Advantage Bama. As for the Gators, losing to a bad Georgia team is strike two for Will Muschamp and you only get three strikes in my world.
Brew of the week: Kilkenny Irish Ale. Goes down great with nice piece of roasted lamb. Cheers!
12:21pm
Vanderbilt at Florida (-13.5)
ML
I hope Gator Growl is fun and the weather is nice, everything else that weekend will suck. For those of you who haven’t been to Gville in a while (ahem CB) you might notice that the quality of our co-eds is beginning to look positively Duke-ian. Some in the media are wondering why our student section is not filling up like in year’s past. The answer is simple. More and more of our students are named Mei, Li, Ting and Monsoor and would rather spend a Saturday afternoon at Chem Lab than getting drunk and watching sub-par football. Job well done Bernie! You used to be able to differentiate between Vanderdorks and UF students. Now they are one and the same. Can you believe we are almost a two touchdown favorite? Has anyone watched this team play? We’re a joke. We have no identity on offense and no one that can catch the football on either side of the ball. Let’s continue to play 5th year seniors with no talent instead of our young guys. That is quite a recipe for success and improvement. I’d like to thank Urban Meyer for recruiting a bunch of no-talent ass clowns on offense. Is there anyone on that side of the ball, other than a healthy Demps, who would see regular playing time on a top 10 team? What a disgrace. Why would Urban recruit a lead footed drop back QB for his spread offense anyway? Vanderbilt is actually sort of not terrible this year. I wouldn’t bet on these Gators if we were getting two TDs. Take the Commodores to the bank!
Vander-dork 24
Gators 4
EGM
Florida 21
Vandy 17
CB
Nerds 13
GATORS 28
12:30pm
New Mexico State at Georgia (-32.5)
ML
Oh wow we’re Georgia!!! Congratulations!!! Tremendous victory! You beat the worst UF football team since Galen Hall, barely. If we had cornerbacks who could find and knock down a football, Mark pRicht would have “For Sale” signs on his front lawn. This may end up working out. Hopefully, Machen’s cohort in temperance, Mike Adams, will lock him in for another five years, which will allow the coach who replaces Muschamp a chance to get a couple easy wins.
NMSU 3
Fuck GA 50
EGM
NMSU 3
UGA 51
CB
Old Mehico 13
Cheaters 44
3:30pm
Ole Miss at Kentucky (+1.5)
CB
Just read that one of these teams has the worst defense in the SEC and the other has the worst offense in the league. It would probably help to know which was which huh? Well let’s just use some logic here. Kentucky can’t score, therefore they lose a lot. Ole Miss can’t stop anyone, therefore they lose a lot. But the rebs CAN put points on the board. This is a no-brainer…ish
Ole Miss 22
Ol’ Kats 13
ML
Ole Piss 14
Ole Bluegrass 17
EGM
Black Bears 17
KY 10
7:00pm
Middle Tennessee State at Tennessee (-20.5)
EGM
I really enjoy the name “Blue Raiders”. With a name like that MTSU needs a better mascot. Maybe a crazy alien or something. Their team sucks so they should probably think outside the box.
UT took the redshirt off their stud recruit last week and the result was 3 points. I’d say that’s a disappointing start but as a Gator fan I don’t have any room to talk. This game breaks down as a bad team against a worse team. Watch at gunpoint only.
MTSU 10
Vols 34
CB
MTSU 13
UT 35
ML
MTSU 0
UT 40
7:15pm
South Carolina at Arkansas (-5)
EGM
This game is getting no coverage despite both teams sporting high rankings. However, I think everyone knows both teams are a little overrated and are due for a loss at any moment. Arkansas continues to play catchup constantly and the Cocks don’t have a capable QB or RB on their roster. Sounds like a clash of two top ten teams right?
I like the Arkansas offense a lot more than the Cock defense so I’ll take the Hawgs to cover and win.
Cocks 20
Hawgs 27
CB
Cawks 17
Hawgs 27
ML
Cocks 20
Hawgs 30
7:30pm
UT-Martin at Mississippi State (OFF)
CB
This is curse of having the first pick during a week with an uneven amount of games. This game not only means a little to me as possible, but it also has zero implications on anything. If I were an MSU Dawg alum, I would prefer my “Homecoming game” was played away.
UT- MAHTIN! 2
Dirty West Dogs 40
ML
UT-M 6
MSU 50
EGM
UT Martin 3
Miss State 49
8:00pm
LSU at Alabama (-4.5)
CB
I’m not going to bore you as to why this is the game of the week, because this is more like the game of the year. Both teams: are highly ranked in offensive and defensive categories nationally; both coaches have won a national championship in the last 4 years; both coaches have won national championships AT LSU; the game will definitively decide who is Number 1 come Monday. The only thing we as humble SEC second class citizens can hope is that whoever wins this game is the true team b/c a loss down the road by the winner could send the South into a tailspin of pain having to watch another conference hold up the BCS trophy. LSU’s defense is great they are only matched by Alabama. Alabama’s offense (especially late, when it matters) is matched by the Tigers. If we’re talking QBs, LSU’s two headed monster of Jefferson and Lee (sounds like some snooty college up in the Sorth (sic)), would probably have the advantage, but the thing about Nick Saban’s offenses aren’t that he has some superstar quarterback running the show, but that he has a capable dude back there who doesn’t screw up. That’s what Bama has in AJ McCarron, and aside from that ‘God’-awful tattoo he has on his chest, he displays pretty good judgment. (Now speaking as a Gator fan, I certainly didn’t enjoy his crowd-mocking gestures at the swamp all those weeks ago, but shit, we have bigger things to worry about). But this is all beating around the bush now. The big deal is whether or not Bama can unleash Trent “For Real Man” Richardson. Behind that huge offensive line, the Tide’s leading rusher has put up Heisman like numbers and he big question is whether or not he can continue the trend against the crawfish-fed coonasses of LSU. I think a combination of Bama’s defense and the fact that TR will be able to find holes Saturday night with enough frequency to pull (slightly) away late in the game. Look, LSU hasn’t had to rely on any of its tricks/luck of the past, I call for that to change, Les is gonna get crazy for some reason but watch for it NOT be the difference. After the game I predict a full on meltdown by the Grasseater. Get him OUTTA HERE!
L-Es-U 19
Bama 24
ML
Katrina Refugees 16
Tornado Refugees 14
EGM
LSU 13
Bama 14
Auburn – BYE WEEK
Look, I was right to have a good feeling last week, regardless of the outcome. In every way, it seemed as though the gods wanted us to win, yet somehow the Gators pulled a Jawga and came up lame. I get that we only score one offensive TD and gave up 3, but other than two perfectly placed 4th down touchdown passes…alright, I’ll stop. Basically we suck this year, and here is my plea: If you are at all close to jumping off the bandwagon, complete the jump. As I saw on twitter this week, this will be a good year to “trim the fat” of the folks that jumped on during our heyday (06-09). As frustrated with Gators as I have been, I’m still positive about the future and the direction that Muschamp is planning on taking us; those who are ‘done’ with UF aren’t welcome anyways. Look, if the football team isn’t one of the top 2 reasons you are applying to or want your kid to go to Florida, do us all a favor and send him/her to Harvard (they will accept our scraps). This made sense when I started writing it a few days ago. Anyways, this weekend the Bourbon wife and I are heading up to Gainesville for the Vandy game thanks to some friends of ours who recently got engaged (in Jacksonville last weekend, hardcore Gators), and Gator Growl courtesy of past BBOYS contributor the Dinner Cruise Gambler. Heed my warnings, if you only peripherally care about the Gators do yourself and everyone here a favor get a haircut and dust off your FSU shirt you wore in the 90s. For more nonsense: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
Malt Licker
I must say I am quite envious of El Gran Mono. Not only is he currently basking in the overcast skies of the Emerald Isle, he is virtually assured of missing this week’s throttling of his alma mater by the Vanderbilt Commodores. It should be considered an act of war to allow broadcasts featuring this pathetic Gators football team to cross into foreign airwaves. This year’s team makes last year’s team look semi-competent . I’d rather spend three hours watching Kirstie Alley and Roseanne Barr try to shoehorn themselves into Charlie Weis’ coaching gear, than witness another illegal-procedure-riddled debacle. Did you know we lead the country in penalties per game? Does John Brantley know that letting the play clock run own to “0” equals a five yard penalty? Unfortunately, because I’m a fan, I will be forced to subject myself to the torture scheduled for 12:20. There are only two interesting SEC matchups this week, one of them being the latest game of the century. Remember when we played in those? Naturally, the other interesting game, USC/Arky is on at just about the same time. At least the dial will be clear for the thrilling matchup between Ole Miss and Kentucky!
El Gran Mono
Greetings from Dublin! If you guessed that I am writing this at my hotel bar that overlooks a medieval cathedral then you are right. I might be the only college football fan in the universe that probably won’t be watching the game of the century tomorrow. However, chances are I will still be awake at midnight and taking down a pint with the Antrim Coast in the background so maybe it will be on. My take on the game, Nick Saban runs a more disciplined ship than Les Miles. In a game of equals, I’ll take the team that doesn’t try something stupid. Advantage Bama. As for the Gators, losing to a bad Georgia team is strike two for Will Muschamp and you only get three strikes in my world.
Brew of the week: Kilkenny Irish Ale. Goes down great with nice piece of roasted lamb. Cheers!
12:21pm
Vanderbilt at Florida (-13.5)
ML
I hope Gator Growl is fun and the weather is nice, everything else that weekend will suck. For those of you who haven’t been to Gville in a while (ahem CB) you might notice that the quality of our co-eds is beginning to look positively Duke-ian. Some in the media are wondering why our student section is not filling up like in year’s past. The answer is simple. More and more of our students are named Mei, Li, Ting and Monsoor and would rather spend a Saturday afternoon at Chem Lab than getting drunk and watching sub-par football. Job well done Bernie! You used to be able to differentiate between Vanderdorks and UF students. Now they are one and the same. Can you believe we are almost a two touchdown favorite? Has anyone watched this team play? We’re a joke. We have no identity on offense and no one that can catch the football on either side of the ball. Let’s continue to play 5th year seniors with no talent instead of our young guys. That is quite a recipe for success and improvement. I’d like to thank Urban Meyer for recruiting a bunch of no-talent ass clowns on offense. Is there anyone on that side of the ball, other than a healthy Demps, who would see regular playing time on a top 10 team? What a disgrace. Why would Urban recruit a lead footed drop back QB for his spread offense anyway? Vanderbilt is actually sort of not terrible this year. I wouldn’t bet on these Gators if we were getting two TDs. Take the Commodores to the bank!
Vander-dork 24
Gators 4
EGM
Florida 21
Vandy 17
CB
Nerds 13
GATORS 28
12:30pm
New Mexico State at Georgia (-32.5)
ML
Oh wow we’re Georgia!!! Congratulations!!! Tremendous victory! You beat the worst UF football team since Galen Hall, barely. If we had cornerbacks who could find and knock down a football, Mark pRicht would have “For Sale” signs on his front lawn. This may end up working out. Hopefully, Machen’s cohort in temperance, Mike Adams, will lock him in for another five years, which will allow the coach who replaces Muschamp a chance to get a couple easy wins.
NMSU 3
Fuck GA 50
EGM
NMSU 3
UGA 51
CB
Old Mehico 13
Cheaters 44
3:30pm
Ole Miss at Kentucky (+1.5)
CB
Just read that one of these teams has the worst defense in the SEC and the other has the worst offense in the league. It would probably help to know which was which huh? Well let’s just use some logic here. Kentucky can’t score, therefore they lose a lot. Ole Miss can’t stop anyone, therefore they lose a lot. But the rebs CAN put points on the board. This is a no-brainer…ish
Ole Miss 22
Ol’ Kats 13
ML
Ole Piss 14
Ole Bluegrass 17
EGM
Black Bears 17
KY 10
7:00pm
Middle Tennessee State at Tennessee (-20.5)
EGM
I really enjoy the name “Blue Raiders”. With a name like that MTSU needs a better mascot. Maybe a crazy alien or something. Their team sucks so they should probably think outside the box.
UT took the redshirt off their stud recruit last week and the result was 3 points. I’d say that’s a disappointing start but as a Gator fan I don’t have any room to talk. This game breaks down as a bad team against a worse team. Watch at gunpoint only.
MTSU 10
Vols 34
CB
MTSU 13
UT 35
ML
MTSU 0
UT 40
7:15pm
South Carolina at Arkansas (-5)
EGM
This game is getting no coverage despite both teams sporting high rankings. However, I think everyone knows both teams are a little overrated and are due for a loss at any moment. Arkansas continues to play catchup constantly and the Cocks don’t have a capable QB or RB on their roster. Sounds like a clash of two top ten teams right?
I like the Arkansas offense a lot more than the Cock defense so I’ll take the Hawgs to cover and win.
Cocks 20
Hawgs 27
CB
Cawks 17
Hawgs 27
ML
Cocks 20
Hawgs 30
7:30pm
UT-Martin at Mississippi State (OFF)
CB
This is curse of having the first pick during a week with an uneven amount of games. This game not only means a little to me as possible, but it also has zero implications on anything. If I were an MSU Dawg alum, I would prefer my “Homecoming game” was played away.
UT- MAHTIN! 2
Dirty West Dogs 40
ML
UT-M 6
MSU 50
EGM
UT Martin 3
Miss State 49
8:00pm
LSU at Alabama (-4.5)
CB
I’m not going to bore you as to why this is the game of the week, because this is more like the game of the year. Both teams: are highly ranked in offensive and defensive categories nationally; both coaches have won a national championship in the last 4 years; both coaches have won national championships AT LSU; the game will definitively decide who is Number 1 come Monday. The only thing we as humble SEC second class citizens can hope is that whoever wins this game is the true team b/c a loss down the road by the winner could send the South into a tailspin of pain having to watch another conference hold up the BCS trophy. LSU’s defense is great they are only matched by Alabama. Alabama’s offense (especially late, when it matters) is matched by the Tigers. If we’re talking QBs, LSU’s two headed monster of Jefferson and Lee (sounds like some snooty college up in the Sorth (sic)), would probably have the advantage, but the thing about Nick Saban’s offenses aren’t that he has some superstar quarterback running the show, but that he has a capable dude back there who doesn’t screw up. That’s what Bama has in AJ McCarron, and aside from that ‘God’-awful tattoo he has on his chest, he displays pretty good judgment. (Now speaking as a Gator fan, I certainly didn’t enjoy his crowd-mocking gestures at the swamp all those weeks ago, but shit, we have bigger things to worry about). But this is all beating around the bush now. The big deal is whether or not Bama can unleash Trent “For Real Man” Richardson. Behind that huge offensive line, the Tide’s leading rusher has put up Heisman like numbers and he big question is whether or not he can continue the trend against the crawfish-fed coonasses of LSU. I think a combination of Bama’s defense and the fact that TR will be able to find holes Saturday night with enough frequency to pull (slightly) away late in the game. Look, LSU hasn’t had to rely on any of its tricks/luck of the past, I call for that to change, Les is gonna get crazy for some reason but watch for it NOT be the difference. After the game I predict a full on meltdown by the Grasseater. Get him OUTTA HERE!
L-Es-U 19
Bama 24
ML
Katrina Refugees 16
Tornado Refugees 14
EGM
LSU 13
Bama 14
Auburn – BYE WEEK
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