Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC - Week XIII

Cuzzin Bailey
By 2002, a good majority of our Gator friends had graduated or were on the same track within the year. Three friends took it upon themselves to make sure that, even though many of us were separated by hundreds of miles, the same lively football discussions we once had were not a thing of the past. Well, now they are a thing of the past haha! Oh well, had to happen sooner or later. Anyways, next week, the Bourbon Boys will do a victory lap for the SEC Championship game as we reminisce on all the wonderful moments, crazy guest writers, and controversial moments over the past years…Alright I’m full of shit about the sappy stuff, but be prepared for a bridge burning, sacrilegious, curse-word-laden final edition of THE BOURBON BOYS PICKIN’ THE SEC! But until then, relish in this Thanksgiving, UF/FSU week smacktalk special! Oh yea, FSU SUCKS and Urban Meyer is one step away from being a liar and off my friendly radar!! Don’t forget about me on twitter:

El Gran Mono
Good thing its Thankgiving week because I think turkey and fellowship are the only thing that can right the Gator nation. Furman is a terrible team and the Gators made them look like world beaters. I’d love to focus on the “improvements” and “discipline” that Mr Muschamp has instilled in this team but it just doesn’t exist. Perhaps I could put my hopes in the “talent” but outside of DeBose and the linebacking core I don’t see anything to get excited about. Mr Muschamp has two strikes in my book and an FSU loss would be strike three. There is no sense in paying millions to a guy that just doesn’t have what it takes so I hope he proves me wrong. This is where we are at Gator fans, counting on hope. It makes me want to puke. I’ll be locked in on Saturday night, I just hope the Gators are too because this is an average-at-best FSU team and losing at home to them would be embarrassing.

On a separate note, I would like to announce my retirement along with the rest of the Bourbon Boys. I won’t list a litany of shitty excuses but instead focus on the positives of this last decade. I’ve enjoyed the banter stirred up by this blog (formerly newsletter) and appreciate all of the people who have read and participated.

Brew of the week: Shiner Bock. My personal favorite. Easily the best combination of taste and drinkability on the market. Scrap the Coors light and spend two extra bucks, you’ll thank yourself.

Malt Licker
Will this season ever end? Thankfully, I stayed true to my word and refused to watch a down of our latest embarrassment, the 54-32 “win” over the Purple Paladins. So much for getting Jacoby Brissett additional snaps. The only bright side to this season has been my stellar performance picking games against the spread. I’m sure I’ve jinxed myself. The last time I tooted my horn I ended up with a 2-7 week. Thankfully, we are coming up on my favorite holiday of the year, and we have a good slate of games on the docket.

Friday, November 25, 2011


Arkansas at LSU (-12.5)
Is the SEC West that great or is the rest of the country that bad? Numbers 1, 2 & 3 all from the same division is pretty amazing. If the Hogs can pull off the upset, we may see the same thing next week. Is it too late to hire Petrino? The battle for the Golden Boot always seems to be a crazy game. With two of the last four games ending in overtime and one on a last second 4th down touchdown, expectations are high for another barn burner. LSU’s defense has handled better offenses, but I think Petrino will put a few scores up to cover the spread.

Ark. 17
LSU 24

Arks 22
LSU 28

Arky 21
LSU 22

Saturday, November 26, 2011


Georgia at Georgia Tech (+6)
Even if Georgia can make it from their bus to the locker room without getting shot, they may still leave Atlanta battered and bloodied after this matchup of Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate. They will have to face coach Paul Johnson’s triple option and the Ramblin’ Wreck’s second ranked rushing attack. Somehow, Georgia has managed to win nine in a row. This is more of an indictment of the SEC East and UGA’s favorable scheduling against the west than a testament to the talent and coaching of this team. Because I hate Georgia, and I think their record is inflated by a ridiculously easy schedule, I’m taking Coach Johnson’s boys in an upset.
GA 21
GA Tech 24

Go to Hell 27
Tech 24

UGA 28
Tech 31


Tennessee at Kentucky (+7.5)
The game formerly known as the Battle for the Beer Barrel, now just the “Battle for the Barrel.” Over my tenure as a respected blog contributor, I have seen a lot of things, and most of them relate to the wussification of society. If you honestly think that the word “beer” is gonna cause anyone harm in this world, then the person who gets harmed and the person who is doing the censoring should be drown in an oaken bucket. Look, games like this are a reason this can get boring. These two teams are a combined 2-12 in the SEC and Kentucky is eliminated from going bowling. The Vols are in a position the Gators were in last week, in which they are desperately looking for a win to get invited to a second class postseason game. If this game and a few others work out, the SEC is looking to send 10 teams to bowl games and may have 5 teams with double digit wins. These two ‘bottom of the barrel’ teams (if you’ll pardon the pun) are terrible, but coming off a “huge” win against Vandy and the fact that Kentucky is just terrible you have to give the nod to the Vuls.

UT 24
Kentucky 10

Vols 21
KY 10

Orange Beer 23
Blue Beer 10


Alabama at Auburn (+21)
The Iron Bowl seems to be right back where it was two years ago. Bama en route to a Nat’l Championship game and Auburn on their way to the Crap Bowl. I’m sure Auburn fans are still giddy from sandwiching a Nat’l Championship of their own in there, however, I doubt that championship dulls their passion for this game. Bama is clearly the better team and Auburn’s weak defense plays right into their conservative offensive gameplan. But the game from 2009 is still in the back of my mind and Gus Malzahn had Bama fans pretty nervous that day. I think Auburn will put together a similar performance with the best crowd in CFB behind them. Unfortunately for the Plainsmen and the rest of college football (who doesn’t want a rematch), they just don’t have enough in the tank to take down the king of grayshirting, Nick Saban.

Tide 17
Plainsmen 13

Tide 24
Tigers 14

Bama 35
Burned 17

Vanderbilt at Wake Forest (+1.5)
This game is actually intriguing because more often than not both teams seem to be pretty decent these days. For Wake Forest its harder to tell because they play in the hyper-average ACC, but still they have a great coach and a good scheme. As for Vandy, they have the best QB in the SEC and a semblance of an offense. In fact, this game might actually be a better matchup than UF-FSU…how the mighty have fallen.

Dores 24
Deacs 21

Vanderdork 30
Wake 17

Vander’s belt 26
Vake Foressht 21


Florida State at Florida (+2.5)
The Bourbon Boys aren’t going away completely but, this rigid, structured, precise, serious selection and analysis of games is coming to an end; that being said, it is my pleasure to write about the last Gators game in this format…and what a game this can be! There is a nickname for this game but I don’t use it. Not because I don’t like it or whatever, but because I had never heard of it until the EA Sports video game “introduced me.” Anyways, I’m sure as you all know, records can be meaningless in this game unless there is some dynamic talent on the field (See: Charlie Ward/Warrick Dunn – 92, 93; Tebow et al – 06-09), but the beauty part of this year’s edition is that neither team looks like a seriously dominant foe. That means that regardless how shitty UF has looked, pretty much all year, they still have a chance because Newsflash: FSU is NOT back! The Criminoles lost at home to Virginia last week…I shouldn’t have to say anymore, but you know I will. Their QB is spastic and I am not impressed with the running game. However, their defense of course scares me and that’s where this game may be decided. The UF D has shown flashes of potential this year, but other times they look like their head coach is NOT a defensive guy. Someone please explain to me how Janoris Jenkins could have covered the entire defensive backfield if he wasn’t kicked off the team? He is one guy and we have plenty of craptastic play for which couldn’t be made up. I mean what the hell was Meyer doing when recruiting for our secondary? You’d think the least he could do was not recruit shitbox players even though he knew he was bouncing…Screw him. It would take longer than this little blurb for me to go into all the ups and (mostly) downs our offense has had this year…JB and Chris Demps (sic) are going to have to be ON this week as we can never rely on our WRs to make plays, however we did see a few touches of brilliance from Dre Debose (even thought apparently he sent out his cell number on a tweet last week). Anyways, this game has yet another Home Underdog this week, and you know what, sometimes you just have to say, what the fuck…

I Hate U 21

Noles 31
Gators 10

Noles 24
Gators 10

Ole Miss at Mississippi State (-17.5)
Another name game, the Golden Egg. Its painfully obvious to anyone who doesn’t enjoy Ole Miss playing poorly…hell its obvious to everyone that Ole Miss shouldn’t stand a chance in this game. Houston Nutt, as opposed to getting his kids rally around him and the school during his lame duck second half of the season, has decided to mail it in like the horse’s ass he is. Scum. A conspiracy theorist could conclude that it was in fact Nutt’s firing that has caused the implosion of the Bourbon Boys as two of them have an unhealthy obsession with him…I’ll give you a hint, I AIN’T one of them.

Ole Miss 17
Mess State 24

Rebs 3
Dawgs 45

Ole Piss 10
Piss St 31


Clemson at South Carolina (-4)
As usual, these teams are almost dead even. Neither one ever seems to get too much of talent advantage and more often than not the better team doesn’t win. That’s why I’m baffled by the 4+ points that the Cocks are favored by. Only one thing can explain it, Vegas likes Spurrier better than Clown Boy Dabo. Even with better QB play from Clemson, I happen to agree.

Tigers 17
Cocks 24

Clemzzon 19
SC 17

Clemzon 30
Sorth Cackalacky 31

No comments: