There’s only one game that matters to the Bourbon Boys this week. This is what we’ve been waiting for all year…its the SEC CHAMPIONSHIP! Let’s all hope for a good clean game that with zero discussion about the refs when its all over. On to the picks!!
12/5/09
4:00pm SEC Championship Game @ the Georgia Dome
Alabama v. Florida -6
Cuzzin Bailey
Since I have been studying so much lately, time hasn’t lent itself very much for thought about the game, so I guess I’ll start now. I have diligently watched both teams with the hope for this matchup, and now that I have it I’m not sure what to do about it. I will tell you that Tebow is a difference maker. I know that’s about as cliché as mentioning that he’s a big God boy, and roommates with Riley “the Hair” Cooper, but its so true. He IS our “3rd-and-anything” guy, he IS the one that makes something out of nothing, and he IS the best QB/athlete on the field in almost every game he plays. Bama’s Defense is outstanding. They are holding teams down with their smothering run D and linebacker play, but I think their secondary is a bit susceptible to blow coverage. I really have to throw the Auburn game out. The Tigers had nothing but trickeration going their way for the first 15-20 minutes, and after that they accomplished very little. On the flip side, UF’s defense is also their complete strength. Strong LBs and a solid line makes for the perfect recipe for stopping the run, which is HUGE this weekend. I have to think if we can minimize the damage caused by Richardson and Ingram, and put the weight of the game on the shoulders of Greg McElroy, the Gators have a great chance of winning this game again. Look for UF’s secondary to be the game changers if Bama looks to pass too early. That being said, the Tide’s QB looked pretty poised on that last drive to beat War Eagle last week, I guess its just a matter of not giving him ANY options with the run game. Also, I’m sure that Ingram is pretty “healthy” and will certainly play Saturday, but I am a little curious just how healthy he is…I wouldn’t be surprised if they were downplaying that hip-pointer all week just to keep UF on its toes. Either way, Richardson is a solid back and has certainly commanded attention in the Gator practices, (so that was probably just my journalistic instinct curious about Ingram). I guess when it comes down to it, I’m glad we have Tim Tebow, I’m glad there are so many haters out there, and I look for the haters’ hatred to grow exponentially come Saturday evening…
BAMA 17
FLORIDA 24
El Gran Mono
After a long year of stupid incidents and shitty playcalling, its finally time to decide the king of the SEC. Timmy and the Gators offense have regressed since a year ago and its not just the loss of Murphy and Harvin causing the problems. Tebow's release is ridiculously slow this year and his dcision making is even slower. Steve Addazio has attempted to avoid those problems by calling an excessive number of Brandon James screen passes and straight QB keepers. That said, the past two weeks we've seen more of the helter skelter style where Tebow is running more zone read and underneath passing plays. If the Gators make a commitment to pass on first down, they should have no problem exploiting an overrated Bama secondary. Bama will stuff anything vanilla that the Gators try to run.
As for the Tide, I've heard a lot of "they just like to play conservative" and "Saban likes to run" this week. Actually, if you look a some past LSU teams, Saban tends to go with whatever he has (including Rohan Davey chucking the ball around 40 times a game). The Tide have a good run blocking OL and some stud backs. They also have a shitty pass blocking OL and a QB who is very limited. At the beginning of the year, I thought McElroy was better than JPW. But as the season has gone along I've realized that he doesn't even have that small amount of playmaking ability that JPW.
Both defenses are great but UF's is more talented, they have only been fazed by a strong arm QB with the ability to throw the long routes to the corner. Bama will not be able to exploit that area. Bama will be lucky to score 10 points. Florida will score at least 17.
Tide rolling into New Orleans 6
Gatorwalking to Pasadena 20
Malt Licker
I can’t believe the regular season is already over, boy that flew by. After a most enjoyable Thanksgiving weekend, my stomach is in knots over this game verses Alabama. Mr. Dunlap added unneeded drama and distraction with his DUI. If only he were sober and being chased by a leggy Swede with a 3-iron. The ATL must be awash with Bama bangs and houndstooth caps. Hopefully the SEC will at least give us 45% of the tickets this year. As far as the game is concerned, I expect a slog-fest. If, and it’s a big if, our defense can shut down the running game, we could win in double figures. However, I see Bama being able to string a drive or two together, and that is all their defense will need to keep this close. In the end, I have to think Tebow will be able to make 3 or 4 big plays to lead us to a cover, and on the road to Pasadena.
Crimson Tide 13
Fightin’ Gators 20
Friday, December 04, 2009
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Turkey Week - Belated Version
Cuzzin Bailey
I’m not going to mince words here this week. I am totally jacked about this week and the slate of games is only half the reason. I love Thanksgiving. And to make this week even better, I back in my hometown, I have a special guest visiting and, hell, the games are awesome! I’m not going to go so far as to say I’m disappointed that I’m missing Tebow’s last game in the Swamp, as I have seen his magic first hand, but I am aware of this situation. Its not an easy realization to miss. From the fans who love him, to the “haters” who loath him, this is Tebow’s last couple of games as a Gator player, and that means something to everyone. Personally, I love that people hate him. If someone looked at his accomplishments and life from an outside point of view, those who despise him would look like those the fools they are…Anyways, as worried as I am about the future, I am totally capable of looking back on the last 4 years with happiness, and realizing that while I may never see another player like TT, nor see the dominance he has lead us to, I will still be a Gator fan and I think my worry will soon turn to excitement in the months to come…
Malt Licker
Favorite week of the year!!! Sign me up for any holiday that combines beer, football, food, beer, friends, family and beer. Not to mention golf with friends, four straight days off, and the (now-routine) destruction of the Florida State Seminoles by the Florida Gators. If Bowden comes back next year, Urban could probably get away with playing Tebow again. I’ll be heading north to say goodbye to the greatest senior class in UF history.
El Gran Mono
I am a loser who forgot to write his column and then bury his co-writers brilliant thoughts. Twenty lashes with a wet noodle and 0fer the week for me.
November 27, 2009
Alabama at Auburn (+11.5), 2:30
ML
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarn Bowl!!!! I think I get this game every year and start it the same way. Tons of fun. Can the Plainsmen ruin the Tide’s perfect season? Last year ‘Bama Bessemer-ed the Tigers 36-0, and will face a hostile crowd at Jerrdan-Hare. Will Aub’s fans pull the faux-humility act that CB hates so much with their cross-state rivals? Something tells me they don’t even try that shit this week. Ben Tate and Onterrio will need to get it done on the ground for War Eagle to pull off the upset. Interesting note: Bama only has a 6 game edge in the series; they’ll bump it up to 7
Tiiiiide 27
Tiiiigers 7
CB
Drop the HAMMER 22
BURRRRNED 10
November 28, 2009
Clemson at South Carolina +3, 12:00
ML
Hate week!!!! These two schools despise each other. Spur-dog vs. Dabo seems like an epic mismatch; although Clemzon enjoys an edge in talent, particularly on offense. CJ Spiller will probably get an invite to New York for the Heisman ceremony and SC must contain him if they want to take down the Tigers. In recent years, it seems like the underdog team usually wins. I don’t need much reason to bet against Dabo.
Howard’s Rock 13
Spurrier’s Cock 20
CB
Tigahs 25
Cawks 27
12:21pm
Ole Miss at Mississippi State +7, 12:21
EGM
Uhhhh
CB
Stoked Rebs 35
Spread Dawgs 10
ML
Ole Egg 23
Dirty Town 10
Florida State at Florida -23, 3:30
CB
How lucky am I? As you read earlier, I have my thoughts about TT, and how fitting that his (and all the Seniors’) last game is against the hated Criminoles! Being from St Pete, I grew up with plenty of FSU “fans.” These were total front-runner bastards. Half the kids who used to tease me for being a Gator wound up going to UF and seeing them at the games made me sick. I don’t forget names/faces. Some guys call me the “Judge” for a reason. Its not cause I’m an aspiring attorney, its cause if you wrong me, I don’t forget. For the record, you CANNOT root for FSU and ridicule Gator fans, and THEN act like it never happened. Okay…I hope you can tell that I have a lot of feelings riding on this game. Speaking of which, I will mention a few things. Meyer got emotional about the Seniors this week. IF you think for a SECOND that the Gators are looking ahead, and aren’t fired up for this one, then you need to check your football smarts at the door. This Florida team is one of the most emotion driven teams I have ever seen, and I am LOVING this spread. I know the Gators can and probably will do whatever it takes to run this Semi team into the ground. I’m only a fan….and I am ready to take a head off…
F*cking Sucks University 13
FLORIDA! 45
ML
Senile Coach 9
Emotional Coach 34
EGM
Uhhh…
Miami at South Florida OFF, 3:30
CB
I’m in town and part of me wants to go to this game just to see the dichotomy of fans present. HAHA I’m just getting excited thinking about it. On the one hand, you have the Canes fans. There are 3 types of UM fans. 1) The actual Grad. That dude is so coked out of his head, he doesn’t even realize that Larry Coker (haha) is no longer the coach; 2) The Hispanic Gang Member. Does this guy even care about the game? Look, as long as his hat’s brim is flat, and it matches his jersey and shoes, he’s at the game, smoking a spliff; 3) the White Kid. Sure this guy thinks cause his hat is new, and the sticker is still on it, he’s gonna hang with number 2. He wrong. That kid is the one getting his ass kicked. Save him. Oh yea, there’s two kinds of USF fan. 1) Joe Alumni. He went to USF long before football was just a glint in some drunk Chancellor’s eye. But now he goes to every game diligently praying for the Bulls to be as good as the other big dogs in the State. That day isn’t far off apparently. And now 2) Johnny “just bought my ticket.” This kid grew up an obnoxious FSU fan. Now he goes to the games just to see how effed up the coeds can get at Raymond James Stadium…can you really blame this guy? Regarding the game, I have to think if UM plays as tough as they can play, it should be a 2 touchdown margin. But I just have this feeling that USF is going to treat this game like its more than just a …well a shitty end of the year game…but not that great of a feeling.
Drugs 23
Less Boutique Drugs 22
ML
scUM 31
Cant get into scUM 27
EGM
Uhhhhh
Tennessee at Kentucky +3.5, 7:00
ML
Bring back the Beer Barrel!!!! We should hear this echoing throughout Lexington until the douchebag university presidents and athletic directors bring back the trophy. The Kats are riding high after their first win in Athens since ’77 and hope to score their first win over UT since ’84. Richie Brooks looks to move UK to 8-4 with a win over Kiffie-kins. I don’t know about you, but I wish our coach was cool enough to knock our players over after big plays against fucking Vanderbilt.
Kiffy-douche 14
Coach of the year 20
CB
Mash 26
Bourbon 20
EGM
Uhhhh
Arkansas at LSU -3.5, 7
CB
Oh man, if I have the gumption I would just got through a few email chains I have been a part of this week and insert that shit here to explain how hilarious last weeks LSU game was, and how much it has made all of us non-Tiger fans be able to breath a sigh of relief so that now the whole world is privy to the nonsense that has be flowing out of the Baton Rouge for the past 3 years. Whether it be succeeding on 4 – 4th and whatevers against UF in 07; the Auburn endzone score, or countless other Les Miles “miracles,” it was about time that joker’s luck ran out. And to me, it was perfectly fitting that it happened against Ole Miss, on that weekend. Now the Bayou Bengals have to contend with a Razorback team that has about as much to play for as Notre Dame. A few years ago and this could be a battle for the Gator Bowl…shit, next year (when the SEC links back up with the Jax bowl it just might be). I could easily see the LSU players watch Miles’ post-game new conference and question his loyalty this week. I mean hell, the guy totally sold out his QB for spiking the ball at the end of the game when it was HE who was signaling him to do so. But while being interviewed, Les said, “I don’t know why he clocked it.” As in, he messed up…not me. I can’t believe this guy is making Bobby Petrino look like a stand up guy. The “Hat” has run out of magic, and if any player in that locker doesn’t think he’s just a scumbag looking for a better job, then I pity the fool…
Good time to be on your “Back” 29
“Les” Keep this under our Hats 17
ML
Looking for win #8 27
Looking for a non-mongoloid coach 24
EGM
uhhhh
8:00pm
Georgia at Georgia Tech -7.5, 8:00
EGM
Uhhhh
ML
Rotting Uga 14
Stinging Option 30
CB
Jawga 22
Run, Run, Run, maybe Pass 34
Vanderbilt – Bye Week
EGM
Uhhhhh
I’m not going to mince words here this week. I am totally jacked about this week and the slate of games is only half the reason. I love Thanksgiving. And to make this week even better, I back in my hometown, I have a special guest visiting and, hell, the games are awesome! I’m not going to go so far as to say I’m disappointed that I’m missing Tebow’s last game in the Swamp, as I have seen his magic first hand, but I am aware of this situation. Its not an easy realization to miss. From the fans who love him, to the “haters” who loath him, this is Tebow’s last couple of games as a Gator player, and that means something to everyone. Personally, I love that people hate him. If someone looked at his accomplishments and life from an outside point of view, those who despise him would look like those the fools they are…Anyways, as worried as I am about the future, I am totally capable of looking back on the last 4 years with happiness, and realizing that while I may never see another player like TT, nor see the dominance he has lead us to, I will still be a Gator fan and I think my worry will soon turn to excitement in the months to come…
Malt Licker
Favorite week of the year!!! Sign me up for any holiday that combines beer, football, food, beer, friends, family and beer. Not to mention golf with friends, four straight days off, and the (now-routine) destruction of the Florida State Seminoles by the Florida Gators. If Bowden comes back next year, Urban could probably get away with playing Tebow again. I’ll be heading north to say goodbye to the greatest senior class in UF history.
El Gran Mono
I am a loser who forgot to write his column and then bury his co-writers brilliant thoughts. Twenty lashes with a wet noodle and 0fer the week for me.
November 27, 2009
Alabama at Auburn (+11.5), 2:30
ML
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarn Bowl!!!! I think I get this game every year and start it the same way. Tons of fun. Can the Plainsmen ruin the Tide’s perfect season? Last year ‘Bama Bessemer-ed the Tigers 36-0, and will face a hostile crowd at Jerrdan-Hare. Will Aub’s fans pull the faux-humility act that CB hates so much with their cross-state rivals? Something tells me they don’t even try that shit this week. Ben Tate and Onterrio will need to get it done on the ground for War Eagle to pull off the upset. Interesting note: Bama only has a 6 game edge in the series; they’ll bump it up to 7
Tiiiiide 27
Tiiiigers 7
CB
Drop the HAMMER 22
BURRRRNED 10
November 28, 2009
Clemson at South Carolina +3, 12:00
ML
Hate week!!!! These two schools despise each other. Spur-dog vs. Dabo seems like an epic mismatch; although Clemzon enjoys an edge in talent, particularly on offense. CJ Spiller will probably get an invite to New York for the Heisman ceremony and SC must contain him if they want to take down the Tigers. In recent years, it seems like the underdog team usually wins. I don’t need much reason to bet against Dabo.
Howard’s Rock 13
Spurrier’s Cock 20
CB
Tigahs 25
Cawks 27
12:21pm
Ole Miss at Mississippi State +7, 12:21
EGM
Uhhhh
CB
Stoked Rebs 35
Spread Dawgs 10
ML
Ole Egg 23
Dirty Town 10
Florida State at Florida -23, 3:30
CB
How lucky am I? As you read earlier, I have my thoughts about TT, and how fitting that his (and all the Seniors’) last game is against the hated Criminoles! Being from St Pete, I grew up with plenty of FSU “fans.” These were total front-runner bastards. Half the kids who used to tease me for being a Gator wound up going to UF and seeing them at the games made me sick. I don’t forget names/faces. Some guys call me the “Judge” for a reason. Its not cause I’m an aspiring attorney, its cause if you wrong me, I don’t forget. For the record, you CANNOT root for FSU and ridicule Gator fans, and THEN act like it never happened. Okay…I hope you can tell that I have a lot of feelings riding on this game. Speaking of which, I will mention a few things. Meyer got emotional about the Seniors this week. IF you think for a SECOND that the Gators are looking ahead, and aren’t fired up for this one, then you need to check your football smarts at the door. This Florida team is one of the most emotion driven teams I have ever seen, and I am LOVING this spread. I know the Gators can and probably will do whatever it takes to run this Semi team into the ground. I’m only a fan….and I am ready to take a head off…
F*cking Sucks University 13
FLORIDA! 45
ML
Senile Coach 9
Emotional Coach 34
EGM
Uhhh…
Miami at South Florida OFF, 3:30
CB
I’m in town and part of me wants to go to this game just to see the dichotomy of fans present. HAHA I’m just getting excited thinking about it. On the one hand, you have the Canes fans. There are 3 types of UM fans. 1) The actual Grad. That dude is so coked out of his head, he doesn’t even realize that Larry Coker (haha) is no longer the coach; 2) The Hispanic Gang Member. Does this guy even care about the game? Look, as long as his hat’s brim is flat, and it matches his jersey and shoes, he’s at the game, smoking a spliff; 3) the White Kid. Sure this guy thinks cause his hat is new, and the sticker is still on it, he’s gonna hang with number 2. He wrong. That kid is the one getting his ass kicked. Save him. Oh yea, there’s two kinds of USF fan. 1) Joe Alumni. He went to USF long before football was just a glint in some drunk Chancellor’s eye. But now he goes to every game diligently praying for the Bulls to be as good as the other big dogs in the State. That day isn’t far off apparently. And now 2) Johnny “just bought my ticket.” This kid grew up an obnoxious FSU fan. Now he goes to the games just to see how effed up the coeds can get at Raymond James Stadium…can you really blame this guy? Regarding the game, I have to think if UM plays as tough as they can play, it should be a 2 touchdown margin. But I just have this feeling that USF is going to treat this game like its more than just a …well a shitty end of the year game…but not that great of a feeling.
Drugs 23
Less Boutique Drugs 22
ML
scUM 31
Cant get into scUM 27
EGM
Uhhhhh
Tennessee at Kentucky +3.5, 7:00
ML
Bring back the Beer Barrel!!!! We should hear this echoing throughout Lexington until the douchebag university presidents and athletic directors bring back the trophy. The Kats are riding high after their first win in Athens since ’77 and hope to score their first win over UT since ’84. Richie Brooks looks to move UK to 8-4 with a win over Kiffie-kins. I don’t know about you, but I wish our coach was cool enough to knock our players over after big plays against fucking Vanderbilt.
Kiffy-douche 14
Coach of the year 20
CB
Mash 26
Bourbon 20
EGM
Uhhhh
Arkansas at LSU -3.5, 7
CB
Oh man, if I have the gumption I would just got through a few email chains I have been a part of this week and insert that shit here to explain how hilarious last weeks LSU game was, and how much it has made all of us non-Tiger fans be able to breath a sigh of relief so that now the whole world is privy to the nonsense that has be flowing out of the Baton Rouge for the past 3 years. Whether it be succeeding on 4 – 4th and whatevers against UF in 07; the Auburn endzone score, or countless other Les Miles “miracles,” it was about time that joker’s luck ran out. And to me, it was perfectly fitting that it happened against Ole Miss, on that weekend. Now the Bayou Bengals have to contend with a Razorback team that has about as much to play for as Notre Dame. A few years ago and this could be a battle for the Gator Bowl…shit, next year (when the SEC links back up with the Jax bowl it just might be). I could easily see the LSU players watch Miles’ post-game new conference and question his loyalty this week. I mean hell, the guy totally sold out his QB for spiking the ball at the end of the game when it was HE who was signaling him to do so. But while being interviewed, Les said, “I don’t know why he clocked it.” As in, he messed up…not me. I can’t believe this guy is making Bobby Petrino look like a stand up guy. The “Hat” has run out of magic, and if any player in that locker doesn’t think he’s just a scumbag looking for a better job, then I pity the fool…
Good time to be on your “Back” 29
“Les” Keep this under our Hats 17
ML
Looking for win #8 27
Looking for a non-mongoloid coach 24
EGM
uhhhh
8:00pm
Georgia at Georgia Tech -7.5, 8:00
EGM
Uhhhh
ML
Rotting Uga 14
Stinging Option 30
CB
Jawga 22
Run, Run, Run, maybe Pass 34
Vanderbilt – Bye Week
EGM
Uhhhhh
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC Week XII
El Gran Mono
After a whirlwind voyage to Columbia last weekend, things have gone on high alert for both the Gator offense and the world of civil litigation. To say the least, neither of them is very fun to watch. To make things worse, this week in football completely blows. It was nice of the NCAA to add a 12th game so all of the big name teams could tune up against the Sun WAC Belt.
Cuzzin’ Bailey
I know you all have been waiting for the Mississippi State/Arkansas game all year, but try and keep it down. This weekend’s highlight game is in Oxford, MS. The Rebs are favored as the mighty Bayou Bengals come into town and I know its gonna be electric. Its definitely football weather up there, and hopefully the chandeliers in the Grove will be rattling from all the noise after the Rebels pound the Tigers. On a completely different subject, I hope you all have been diligently watching the WWII documentary series on History Channel this week. A good friend of mine recommended it on Facebook and I haven’t been able to turn it off since. Anyways the top teams in the SEC have virtual bye weeks before their end of the year rivalries, and even those two games next week aren’t nearly as important as the one the week after that! Still lots to accomplish and take care of before the SEC Championship Game, starting with these scrimmages…
Malt Licker
It’s mid November, and that means its time for a visit to Cupcake City for the Gators. Maybe we’ll actually score more than 30 this week. All bitterness aside, I think the Gator Nation needs to calm down. Urban and his boys have won 20 in a row, and this senior class is on the cusp of a 3rd SEC and National Title. With that said, it would be nice to see Tebow look at someone other than his roommate on a streak and A-Hern on a shovel. Anyway, I loved the reunion with EGM and others in Columbia. After 96 hours, I have finally enjoyed a solid bowel movement….
Chattanooga at Alabama (NL), 12:20pm
EGM
TO went to Chattanooga. He no longer plays there. If you are interested in anything remotely related to “Chattanooga” this weekend, then I suggest you read a book about the battle.
University of Tennessee AT Chattanooga 0
Bamer 45
CB
Nooooooooooga 3.2
Bama! 51
ML
Mocs 2
Tide 41
Mississippi State at Arkansas (-10.5), 12:21pm
ML
Speaking of Bowel Movements, MSU heads up the road to Arky-saw in the battle to stay out of the SEC West cellar. The Bulldogs may be looking ahead toward the battle of the Golden Egg, and the state of Arkansas may be looking ahead toward a 50% literacy rate! It seems like the Hawgs have a ton more talent. They should roll….
Doggies 14
Hoggies 34
EGM
Dawgs 13
Hawgs 31
CB
Ugh, Starkville 17
Ugh, Fayetteville 28
FIU at Florida (-43.5), 12:30pm
CB
I was going to talk about this game metaphorically by referencing some of the Battles I saw on TV this week, but I don’t think that would be appropriate or accurate as this game, by football game standards, won’t have any real intensity or challenge. There is one thing I can mention that has been on my mind since I saw (or should I say acknowledged) that FIU was on our schedule, and that is the infamous brawl that occurred a three years ago. If you don’t remember, look it up on Wikipedia…yea, its there. These FIU players with the help of the scUMbag Canes guys had it out on the field in Braveheart fashion. Some of the images that stick out in my head are: the Canes player that swung his helmet and the “stomper” (UM dude who was literally stomping and FIU player). Now I know that Randy Shannon is a no-nonsense kind of ….wait what am I talking about?…Anyways, this game is clearly bothering me because I haven’t said one damn word about it. All I know is, FIU has supplanted USF as the “red-headed stepchild” of the State, and all it takes is a little of that insecurity to show through and we could be looking at an ugly game on their part. I know we have too much discipline to fall into an all out fight, and our eye-gouging strategy has been exposed, so I guess we’ll just have to whoop some ass letting Johnny Brantley come in, in the 2nd quarter with Carte Blanche to toss the rock all over the Panthers’ secondary. The spread is a big number, and the way the Gators have been playing lately only a fool would pick them to cover, but I like UF big regardless…
I’m Sorry I had a Fight in the Middle of your Black Panther Party 9
Focused Gators 45
EGM
Golden Panteros 3
Caimanes 56
ML
Panteros de Oro 3
Gators de Pantano 49
LSU at Ole Miss (-3.5), 3:30pm
EGM
The Rebs are almost impossible to decipher. But since they have decided to go with the 100% McCluster based offense they have started to move the ball consistently. It’s a good thing they found that direction because Snead is terrible. I’d avoid whatever “meat market” was serving up cutlets of Jevan. The Tigers really have nothing to stand on when it comes to offense these days. Chuck Scott is out and Jarrett Lee could be behind center. Regardless of how fast LSU’s defense may be, I just can’t get behind the Cajuns woeful offense. This game’s status as “SEC Game of the week makes me want to vomit up used syringes.
Tigers 13
Pississippi 20
CB
LSU Bleauxs 20
Hotty Toddy 22
ML
LSU 34
Ole Piss 33
Vanderbilt at Tennessee (-17), 7:00pm
EGM
The battle for State of Tennessee has never looked worse. Vandy is atrocious on both sides of the ball and really has no chance of scoring against the Vols defense or stopping their running attack. Perhaps we could just lessen the two teams’ carbon footprint and call this one at 17-3 Vols. Or maybe in the guise of all things Copenhagen Accord, UT could give some of their talented players to Vandy and drop the final score to 17-14. Sounds equitable, right? Equitable like prison rape.
Commodes 3
Vols 24
CB
Von Vandersbilt 10
Lane’s Thugs 30
ML
Tennessee Dorks 13
Tennessee Armed Robbers 23
Kentucky at Georgia -8, 7:45
CB
Maybe its just the fact that I know that Calipari is a total scumbag when it comes to recruiting but I just don’t trust the kids he’s got on the court now. Sorry, I was just watching a little of the Cats on the hardwood and that thought came over me and I started to suspect even the kids that were already on scholarship of being dirty. And we all know that Billy Gillespie wasn’t cheating because if he was, he probably wouldn’t have gotten fired! Speaking of Football, how unimpressed with Richt are you? He’s had plenty of talent over the years and this year with arguably the best receiver in the SEC and a senior Quarterback, the Dawgs are just God awful. Now the question is, are they bad enough to lose to the football Kats? I say no, I mean come on, who’s that bad?
Krappy Kensucky Kats 16
Dawgs are Better, just a little bit 32
EGM
Kats 13
Dawgs 28
ML
‘Sucky 13
Jawja 31
Oregon at Zona (+6), 8
ML
Both these teams control their destiny. If Oregon wins out, they earn their first trip to the Rose Bowl since Rich Brooks faced Joe-Pa in 1995. If the Desert Cats can win out, they will earn their first trip to the Rose Bowl…Ever. That’s right, they are the only Pac-10 team to have never played in the Rose Bowl. If they wish to break that trend, they need to slow down OU’s 6th ranked rushing offense and Jeremiah Masoli, the Stocky Samoan. The Cats have a pretty good QB of their own in Nick Foles, who sports a 70% completion percentage. Can Mike Stoops pull off the upset and save his job? Does Jim Leavitt mind that he stole his hairdo? Does anyone care?
Fighting Quacks 27
Fighting Lutes 17
EGM
Ducks 45
Zona 41
CB
Punchy 42
Zoner 23
Auburn - OFF
CB
OH MAN do I hate Auburn! Have you ever been there as an opposing fan? They aren’t like “get in your face” assholes, but they do that whole thing where they come up to you and slap you in your face with their bangs and act like they team ain’t gotta prayer; their faux-humility is disgusting. Sorry, we aren’t even playing them this year, and I can’t control my contempt.
South Carolina - OFF
ML
Man, I love Columbia. I guarantee that town has the lowest church to bar ratio of any city in the Southeast. Can’t wait to go back to the Stayhard Suites in 2011.
After a whirlwind voyage to Columbia last weekend, things have gone on high alert for both the Gator offense and the world of civil litigation. To say the least, neither of them is very fun to watch. To make things worse, this week in football completely blows. It was nice of the NCAA to add a 12th game so all of the big name teams could tune up against the Sun WAC Belt.
Cuzzin’ Bailey
I know you all have been waiting for the Mississippi State/Arkansas game all year, but try and keep it down. This weekend’s highlight game is in Oxford, MS. The Rebs are favored as the mighty Bayou Bengals come into town and I know its gonna be electric. Its definitely football weather up there, and hopefully the chandeliers in the Grove will be rattling from all the noise after the Rebels pound the Tigers. On a completely different subject, I hope you all have been diligently watching the WWII documentary series on History Channel this week. A good friend of mine recommended it on Facebook and I haven’t been able to turn it off since. Anyways the top teams in the SEC have virtual bye weeks before their end of the year rivalries, and even those two games next week aren’t nearly as important as the one the week after that! Still lots to accomplish and take care of before the SEC Championship Game, starting with these scrimmages…
Malt Licker
It’s mid November, and that means its time for a visit to Cupcake City for the Gators. Maybe we’ll actually score more than 30 this week. All bitterness aside, I think the Gator Nation needs to calm down. Urban and his boys have won 20 in a row, and this senior class is on the cusp of a 3rd SEC and National Title. With that said, it would be nice to see Tebow look at someone other than his roommate on a streak and A-Hern on a shovel. Anyway, I loved the reunion with EGM and others in Columbia. After 96 hours, I have finally enjoyed a solid bowel movement….
Chattanooga at Alabama (NL), 12:20pm
EGM
TO went to Chattanooga. He no longer plays there. If you are interested in anything remotely related to “Chattanooga” this weekend, then I suggest you read a book about the battle.
University of Tennessee AT Chattanooga 0
Bamer 45
CB
Nooooooooooga 3.2
Bama! 51
ML
Mocs 2
Tide 41
Mississippi State at Arkansas (-10.5), 12:21pm
ML
Speaking of Bowel Movements, MSU heads up the road to Arky-saw in the battle to stay out of the SEC West cellar. The Bulldogs may be looking ahead toward the battle of the Golden Egg, and the state of Arkansas may be looking ahead toward a 50% literacy rate! It seems like the Hawgs have a ton more talent. They should roll….
Doggies 14
Hoggies 34
EGM
Dawgs 13
Hawgs 31
CB
Ugh, Starkville 17
Ugh, Fayetteville 28
FIU at Florida (-43.5), 12:30pm
CB
I was going to talk about this game metaphorically by referencing some of the Battles I saw on TV this week, but I don’t think that would be appropriate or accurate as this game, by football game standards, won’t have any real intensity or challenge. There is one thing I can mention that has been on my mind since I saw (or should I say acknowledged) that FIU was on our schedule, and that is the infamous brawl that occurred a three years ago. If you don’t remember, look it up on Wikipedia…yea, its there. These FIU players with the help of the scUMbag Canes guys had it out on the field in Braveheart fashion. Some of the images that stick out in my head are: the Canes player that swung his helmet and the “stomper” (UM dude who was literally stomping and FIU player). Now I know that Randy Shannon is a no-nonsense kind of ….wait what am I talking about?…Anyways, this game is clearly bothering me because I haven’t said one damn word about it. All I know is, FIU has supplanted USF as the “red-headed stepchild” of the State, and all it takes is a little of that insecurity to show through and we could be looking at an ugly game on their part. I know we have too much discipline to fall into an all out fight, and our eye-gouging strategy has been exposed, so I guess we’ll just have to whoop some ass letting Johnny Brantley come in, in the 2nd quarter with Carte Blanche to toss the rock all over the Panthers’ secondary. The spread is a big number, and the way the Gators have been playing lately only a fool would pick them to cover, but I like UF big regardless…
I’m Sorry I had a Fight in the Middle of your Black Panther Party 9
Focused Gators 45
EGM
Golden Panteros 3
Caimanes 56
ML
Panteros de Oro 3
Gators de Pantano 49
LSU at Ole Miss (-3.5), 3:30pm
EGM
The Rebs are almost impossible to decipher. But since they have decided to go with the 100% McCluster based offense they have started to move the ball consistently. It’s a good thing they found that direction because Snead is terrible. I’d avoid whatever “meat market” was serving up cutlets of Jevan. The Tigers really have nothing to stand on when it comes to offense these days. Chuck Scott is out and Jarrett Lee could be behind center. Regardless of how fast LSU’s defense may be, I just can’t get behind the Cajuns woeful offense. This game’s status as “SEC Game of the week makes me want to vomit up used syringes.
Tigers 13
Pississippi 20
CB
LSU Bleauxs 20
Hotty Toddy 22
ML
LSU 34
Ole Piss 33
Vanderbilt at Tennessee (-17), 7:00pm
EGM
The battle for State of Tennessee has never looked worse. Vandy is atrocious on both sides of the ball and really has no chance of scoring against the Vols defense or stopping their running attack. Perhaps we could just lessen the two teams’ carbon footprint and call this one at 17-3 Vols. Or maybe in the guise of all things Copenhagen Accord, UT could give some of their talented players to Vandy and drop the final score to 17-14. Sounds equitable, right? Equitable like prison rape.
Commodes 3
Vols 24
CB
Von Vandersbilt 10
Lane’s Thugs 30
ML
Tennessee Dorks 13
Tennessee Armed Robbers 23
Kentucky at Georgia -8, 7:45
CB
Maybe its just the fact that I know that Calipari is a total scumbag when it comes to recruiting but I just don’t trust the kids he’s got on the court now. Sorry, I was just watching a little of the Cats on the hardwood and that thought came over me and I started to suspect even the kids that were already on scholarship of being dirty. And we all know that Billy Gillespie wasn’t cheating because if he was, he probably wouldn’t have gotten fired! Speaking of Football, how unimpressed with Richt are you? He’s had plenty of talent over the years and this year with arguably the best receiver in the SEC and a senior Quarterback, the Dawgs are just God awful. Now the question is, are they bad enough to lose to the football Kats? I say no, I mean come on, who’s that bad?
Krappy Kensucky Kats 16
Dawgs are Better, just a little bit 32
EGM
Kats 13
Dawgs 28
ML
‘Sucky 13
Jawja 31
Oregon at Zona (+6), 8
ML
Both these teams control their destiny. If Oregon wins out, they earn their first trip to the Rose Bowl since Rich Brooks faced Joe-Pa in 1995. If the Desert Cats can win out, they will earn their first trip to the Rose Bowl…Ever. That’s right, they are the only Pac-10 team to have never played in the Rose Bowl. If they wish to break that trend, they need to slow down OU’s 6th ranked rushing offense and Jeremiah Masoli, the Stocky Samoan. The Cats have a pretty good QB of their own in Nick Foles, who sports a 70% completion percentage. Can Mike Stoops pull off the upset and save his job? Does Jim Leavitt mind that he stole his hairdo? Does anyone care?
Fighting Quacks 27
Fighting Lutes 17
EGM
Ducks 45
Zona 41
CB
Punchy 42
Zoner 23
Auburn - OFF
CB
OH MAN do I hate Auburn! Have you ever been there as an opposing fan? They aren’t like “get in your face” assholes, but they do that whole thing where they come up to you and slap you in your face with their bangs and act like they team ain’t gotta prayer; their faux-humility is disgusting. Sorry, we aren’t even playing them this year, and I can’t control my contempt.
South Carolina - OFF
ML
Man, I love Columbia. I guarantee that town has the lowest church to bar ratio of any city in the Southeast. Can’t wait to go back to the Stayhard Suites in 2011.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC Week XI
Malt Licker
HIGH OCTANE WEEKEND!!!! Two thirds of Mono, Licker & Bailey will be reuniting in the Palmetto State, to witness the Gators ascension to 10-0 and corresponding victimization of the Ol’ Ball Coach and his drunken Quarterback. I’m not sure what CB’s excuse is, but I’m sure it is lame. I just heard New Keys is among 3 Vol Freshmen arrested for armed robbery. I have tomorrow off and it’s been a while, so forgive me for my giddiness, this week’s edition has stream of consciousness written all over it. Call me Kerouac…..
El Gran Mono
Its late Thursday evening and I have Carolina (and shitty Alex Smith) on my mind. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to join the Licker in Five Points until late tomorrow due to deposition obligations. Why would anyone schedule a deposition on a roady day? Not everyone has SEC football priorities I guess. Perhaps we can incorporate football travel into the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure in order to accommodate the litigators of the south. However, they should probably work on getting some decent officials before moving the Supreme Court for Rules amendments…
Cuzzin’ Bailey
As I watch USF do its best to keep itself out of this Thursday night game, I am happy to report that the time for the Gators 10th win of the season is almost upon us. Its graciously fitting that we go for this victory against the man that made 10-win seasons at UF a conceivable goal. Last week UF took it easy on a hapless Vanderbilt team, hopefully saving their best for last (or at least the last few weeks). Sorry this is so bland, but watching the Tampa Bulls v. the New Jersey Rutgers is really bringing me down. Maybe a rerun of NCIS will get me in the mood for writing about football? I don’t know what I’m talking about. Btw, I think the World Series of Poker is over, THANK GOD… On an unrelated note (if you can believe it), I’m watching Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure now, I think the guy that played Napoleon did a great job, but I don’t understand why Lincoln even went to the costume picture place or why Beethoven was arrested for playing music…anyways while you contemplate that shit, on to the picks!!
Tennessee at Ole Miss (-5), 12:00pm EGM
EGM
There is no way Ole Miss should be favored against any team other than Vanderbilt or Kentucky. I understand that people think Lane Kiffin is stupid but has anyone ever considered it’s a charade? The Vols actually have things moving in the right direction these days (I never thought I’d write that this year). They run the ball well and only put their QB in “Bama situations”, i.e PA passes and bootlegs. Of course, this limits their offense and makes it very difficult to come back in games. That said, Ole Miss is a bigger farce than man-made climate change. They play half-ass defense but they can’t score against any team with a pulse. The Vols may have a decimated krewe of LBs but the rest of their unit is very solid. This could be an instant replay of the Ole Piss-Cocks matchup.
Armed Robbers 17
Easily Stolen Wallets 10
ML
Stick ‘em up 9
Rebz 21
CB
Trying to Score some “New Keys” 23
Capitalize on some opposing distraction? 26
Kentucky at Vanderbilt (+3), 12:20
EGM
Easily the least interesting matchup in the SEC from year to year with the possible exception of Piss State-Vandy. It appears Rich Brooks is once again “rebuilding” from his self-inflicted poor coaching/recruiting disaster. He’s also incorporating a heavy amount of wildcat into their offensive schemes. Meanwhile, coach-in-waiting Joker Phillips is dreading the reconstruction of the rebuilding effort. Confusing isn’t it? What’s not confusing is the fact that Vandy completely sucks.
Kats 31
Commodes 9
ML
‘Tucky 24
‘Bilt 20
CB
Don’t be so Kensucky 24
Fine School, Awful Football 17
Florida at South Carolina (+15), 3:30
ML
Yea daddy!!! Staying downtown….drunk at 3pm….Group Therapy…reunited…five points….qb dive…..Ball coach throwin’ visors….Garcia sweatin’ Gin….Tebow praisin’ the lord…turnovers galore. It seems like we’ve been playing better on the road than at home. I see this trend continuing and a big victory in cock-land. I think SC is trying some sort of camo-uniforms in honor of Vet’s day. None of that matters, I’ll be trying the limits of my liver in honor of Vet’s day.
UF 38
SC 10
EGM
The Gators offense drives a man to drink even the crappiest of whiskey. So much talent, such poor playcalling and execution. Their defense is awesome and keeps them in every game. I’m just glad Houston, Cincy, or FSU w/ Christian Ponder is not on the schedule. Those high scoring teams would have a great shot of winning. I really can’t wait to be in Columbia and sitting in Group Therapy with a Knob Creek in my hand talking football with the Licker and other fellow studs. Spurdog makes me nervous, but Stephen Garcia does not. His penchant for frustration will lead to at least one pick six. The Cocks defense is good but they won’t be able to withstand several turnovers and long weathering drives. Another Columbia notch in the belt…
Gators 31
Cocks 10
CB
Spurrier “announced” that he would probably be a Cock until 2011. HAHA, I just read that, I’ll bet there are plenty of UT and UGA fans out there saying, “its about time!” Anyways, presuming he was referring to his coaching tenure at USC, I think its great that he was pressured by the media into making such an announcement and hopefully he will retire with dignity and plenty of wins against everyone but us. I was looking at this game, and I was trying to figure out which of Meyer’s two trips to Columbia did this remind me of…2005 (I was there, sort of) and we lost by not blocking and allowing the Cocks to pressure us way too much; or 2007 Tebow accounted for 7 touchdowns on his way to winning the Heisman. After that thoughtful, in-depth analysis, I think I’m gonna go wild-card on yall and claim that our DEFENSE will be the main factor. I know, I know, you’re thinking, “Cuzzin, how can you go on such crazy limb like that??!” But it’s true, the Gators have a really really really good defense this year. Look for Garcia (USC’s QB) to feel the heat early on and for Spurrier’s stubbornness continue sending in pass plays that will set us up for a multi-pick game…
Cawks 10
GATORS! 30
Auburn at Georgia (-4.5), 7:00pm
ML
Man…what an anti-climax. I remember, during the era of Zook, when this game had SEC Title game implications. The winner of this game has the inside track on the Peach Bowl. I’d rather eat head cheese than watch these two teams play.
War Eagle 17
UGA 23
EGM
Plainsmen 20
UGA 17
CB
I want to win less 28
No, I do 27
Louisiana Tech at LSU (-24), 7:00 pm
ML
The Cajuns got jobbed in Tuscaloose, as Peterson’s clear INT of the worst SEC QB was, for some reason, not seen in the replay booth. The Heart of Dixie is known for being a bit, behind the times, so maybe an 8 inch black and white Zenith is all that was available. It may not have mattered, it’s not like Jarrett Lee was going to suddenly realize how not to suck. Anyway, this is LSU’s November cupcake, the Lady Techsters, and they cannot call on Teresa Weatherspoon to run the show.
Techy 9
CoonAssy 41
EGM
Lady Techsters 0
Tigers 38
CB
LaTeck 6
LSU 42
Alabama at Mississippi State (+12.5), 7:00pm
CB
Nice little tune up for the Tide Saturday night before next week’s Iron Bowl. I don’t mean that MSU is a ginormous pushover that can’t exploit mistakes (and let’s face it, McElroy is just the kind of guy who can make ‘em), but I don’t think Saban is going to have to rely on the Bama QB too much in this one. I fully expect Mark Ingram to maintain his strong case for the Heisman with a big game, and the Tide Defense to hold these Bulldogs to under 250 yards of total offense. This will be a nice introduction into the spread offense as Bama gets ready for the SEC champ game, but I think the caliber of talent may be just a bit off haha…Tide Rolls
Bama 34
Westside Dawgs 12
ML
C-Tide 20
B-Dogs 10
EGM
Bamer 24
Miss State 9
Troy at Arkansas (-14), 7:30
CB
Didn’t even remember I landed on this game, and I almost left it blank. Whatever would we have done??!?! The Bourbon Boys would have been discredited and the laughing stock of the Blogosphere…I swear to God that is the first time I’ve ever used that word. I feel dirty. I’ll be honest with yall for a minute. I have absolutely no idea what’s going to happen in this game. Please do NOT place a bet by using my score as an indicator. I am literally going to write two scores down on a piece of paper and flip a coin. Wait, that sounds like way to much work. I’m just gonna go with the Razorbacks cause I think they can probably put 40 points up on the Trojans defense and the talent level has to be skewed just enough in Arky’s favor to cover the spread. Wow, that was more analysis than I’ve done all year…pretty pathetic
Trojans 17
‘ZorBacks 40
ML
Trojans Cover 24
Your Hawgs 35
EGM
Trojans 13
Hawgs 28
HIGH OCTANE WEEKEND!!!! Two thirds of Mono, Licker & Bailey will be reuniting in the Palmetto State, to witness the Gators ascension to 10-0 and corresponding victimization of the Ol’ Ball Coach and his drunken Quarterback. I’m not sure what CB’s excuse is, but I’m sure it is lame. I just heard New Keys is among 3 Vol Freshmen arrested for armed robbery. I have tomorrow off and it’s been a while, so forgive me for my giddiness, this week’s edition has stream of consciousness written all over it. Call me Kerouac…..
El Gran Mono
Its late Thursday evening and I have Carolina (and shitty Alex Smith) on my mind. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to join the Licker in Five Points until late tomorrow due to deposition obligations. Why would anyone schedule a deposition on a roady day? Not everyone has SEC football priorities I guess. Perhaps we can incorporate football travel into the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure in order to accommodate the litigators of the south. However, they should probably work on getting some decent officials before moving the Supreme Court for Rules amendments…
Cuzzin’ Bailey
As I watch USF do its best to keep itself out of this Thursday night game, I am happy to report that the time for the Gators 10th win of the season is almost upon us. Its graciously fitting that we go for this victory against the man that made 10-win seasons at UF a conceivable goal. Last week UF took it easy on a hapless Vanderbilt team, hopefully saving their best for last (or at least the last few weeks). Sorry this is so bland, but watching the Tampa Bulls v. the New Jersey Rutgers is really bringing me down. Maybe a rerun of NCIS will get me in the mood for writing about football? I don’t know what I’m talking about. Btw, I think the World Series of Poker is over, THANK GOD… On an unrelated note (if you can believe it), I’m watching Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure now, I think the guy that played Napoleon did a great job, but I don’t understand why Lincoln even went to the costume picture place or why Beethoven was arrested for playing music…anyways while you contemplate that shit, on to the picks!!
Tennessee at Ole Miss (-5), 12:00pm EGM
EGM
There is no way Ole Miss should be favored against any team other than Vanderbilt or Kentucky. I understand that people think Lane Kiffin is stupid but has anyone ever considered it’s a charade? The Vols actually have things moving in the right direction these days (I never thought I’d write that this year). They run the ball well and only put their QB in “Bama situations”, i.e PA passes and bootlegs. Of course, this limits their offense and makes it very difficult to come back in games. That said, Ole Miss is a bigger farce than man-made climate change. They play half-ass defense but they can’t score against any team with a pulse. The Vols may have a decimated krewe of LBs but the rest of their unit is very solid. This could be an instant replay of the Ole Piss-Cocks matchup.
Armed Robbers 17
Easily Stolen Wallets 10
ML
Stick ‘em up 9
Rebz 21
CB
Trying to Score some “New Keys” 23
Capitalize on some opposing distraction? 26
Kentucky at Vanderbilt (+3), 12:20
EGM
Easily the least interesting matchup in the SEC from year to year with the possible exception of Piss State-Vandy. It appears Rich Brooks is once again “rebuilding” from his self-inflicted poor coaching/recruiting disaster. He’s also incorporating a heavy amount of wildcat into their offensive schemes. Meanwhile, coach-in-waiting Joker Phillips is dreading the reconstruction of the rebuilding effort. Confusing isn’t it? What’s not confusing is the fact that Vandy completely sucks.
Kats 31
Commodes 9
ML
‘Tucky 24
‘Bilt 20
CB
Don’t be so Kensucky 24
Fine School, Awful Football 17
Florida at South Carolina (+15), 3:30
ML
Yea daddy!!! Staying downtown….drunk at 3pm….Group Therapy…reunited…five points….qb dive…..Ball coach throwin’ visors….Garcia sweatin’ Gin….Tebow praisin’ the lord…turnovers galore. It seems like we’ve been playing better on the road than at home. I see this trend continuing and a big victory in cock-land. I think SC is trying some sort of camo-uniforms in honor of Vet’s day. None of that matters, I’ll be trying the limits of my liver in honor of Vet’s day.
UF 38
SC 10
EGM
The Gators offense drives a man to drink even the crappiest of whiskey. So much talent, such poor playcalling and execution. Their defense is awesome and keeps them in every game. I’m just glad Houston, Cincy, or FSU w/ Christian Ponder is not on the schedule. Those high scoring teams would have a great shot of winning. I really can’t wait to be in Columbia and sitting in Group Therapy with a Knob Creek in my hand talking football with the Licker and other fellow studs. Spurdog makes me nervous, but Stephen Garcia does not. His penchant for frustration will lead to at least one pick six. The Cocks defense is good but they won’t be able to withstand several turnovers and long weathering drives. Another Columbia notch in the belt…
Gators 31
Cocks 10
CB
Spurrier “announced” that he would probably be a Cock until 2011. HAHA, I just read that, I’ll bet there are plenty of UT and UGA fans out there saying, “its about time!” Anyways, presuming he was referring to his coaching tenure at USC, I think its great that he was pressured by the media into making such an announcement and hopefully he will retire with dignity and plenty of wins against everyone but us. I was looking at this game, and I was trying to figure out which of Meyer’s two trips to Columbia did this remind me of…2005 (I was there, sort of) and we lost by not blocking and allowing the Cocks to pressure us way too much; or 2007 Tebow accounted for 7 touchdowns on his way to winning the Heisman. After that thoughtful, in-depth analysis, I think I’m gonna go wild-card on yall and claim that our DEFENSE will be the main factor. I know, I know, you’re thinking, “Cuzzin, how can you go on such crazy limb like that??!” But it’s true, the Gators have a really really really good defense this year. Look for Garcia (USC’s QB) to feel the heat early on and for Spurrier’s stubbornness continue sending in pass plays that will set us up for a multi-pick game…
Cawks 10
GATORS! 30
Auburn at Georgia (-4.5), 7:00pm
ML
Man…what an anti-climax. I remember, during the era of Zook, when this game had SEC Title game implications. The winner of this game has the inside track on the Peach Bowl. I’d rather eat head cheese than watch these two teams play.
War Eagle 17
UGA 23
EGM
Plainsmen 20
UGA 17
CB
I want to win less 28
No, I do 27
Louisiana Tech at LSU (-24), 7:00 pm
ML
The Cajuns got jobbed in Tuscaloose, as Peterson’s clear INT of the worst SEC QB was, for some reason, not seen in the replay booth. The Heart of Dixie is known for being a bit, behind the times, so maybe an 8 inch black and white Zenith is all that was available. It may not have mattered, it’s not like Jarrett Lee was going to suddenly realize how not to suck. Anyway, this is LSU’s November cupcake, the Lady Techsters, and they cannot call on Teresa Weatherspoon to run the show.
Techy 9
CoonAssy 41
EGM
Lady Techsters 0
Tigers 38
CB
LaTeck 6
LSU 42
Alabama at Mississippi State (+12.5), 7:00pm
CB
Nice little tune up for the Tide Saturday night before next week’s Iron Bowl. I don’t mean that MSU is a ginormous pushover that can’t exploit mistakes (and let’s face it, McElroy is just the kind of guy who can make ‘em), but I don’t think Saban is going to have to rely on the Bama QB too much in this one. I fully expect Mark Ingram to maintain his strong case for the Heisman with a big game, and the Tide Defense to hold these Bulldogs to under 250 yards of total offense. This will be a nice introduction into the spread offense as Bama gets ready for the SEC champ game, but I think the caliber of talent may be just a bit off haha…Tide Rolls
Bama 34
Westside Dawgs 12
ML
C-Tide 20
B-Dogs 10
EGM
Bamer 24
Miss State 9
Troy at Arkansas (-14), 7:30
CB
Didn’t even remember I landed on this game, and I almost left it blank. Whatever would we have done??!?! The Bourbon Boys would have been discredited and the laughing stock of the Blogosphere…I swear to God that is the first time I’ve ever used that word. I feel dirty. I’ll be honest with yall for a minute. I have absolutely no idea what’s going to happen in this game. Please do NOT place a bet by using my score as an indicator. I am literally going to write two scores down on a piece of paper and flip a coin. Wait, that sounds like way to much work. I’m just gonna go with the Razorbacks cause I think they can probably put 40 points up on the Trojans defense and the talent level has to be skewed just enough in Arky’s favor to cover the spread. Wow, that was more analysis than I’ve done all year…pretty pathetic
Trojans 17
‘ZorBacks 40
ML
Trojans Cover 24
Your Hawgs 35
EGM
Trojans 13
Hawgs 28
Friday, November 06, 2009
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC Week X
Cuzzin’ Bailey
Man, I am still recovering from the FL/GA weekend. Great freaking time tailgating and a great game; my bourbon girl and I snuck in a large size travel flask of (guess), and I was successful at “having a great time.” Anyways, another thing that was great about the game was how submissive the UGA fans were; I love it when the opposing fans are more certain of your team’s victory than you are…And I’m not talking about the fake bullshit they pull in Auburn either. These Georgia fans were insisting the Gators were going to cover, and I should have listened to them. This week the bigtime game is in Tuscaloosa, the Gators wrapped up the SEC East last week, now the next goal is to remain undefeated!
Malt Licker
Good times last week in Jacksonville with Cuzzin’ Bailey, who was a most gracious host. A beautiful Saturday, a tremendous tailgate and a beatdown of Jawja almost made me forget I was in Jacksonville. Then the drive home….leaving that downtown is like trying to escape some black hole of hell. It’s a wonder ESPN.com is questioning the viability of an NFL franchise there. Other than Bama/LSU, it’s a shitty slate of games. It almost makes one want to talk about baseball…..GO YANKS!!!!
El Gran Mono
Its certainly been a whirlwind week and I find myself leading off Friday morning with a shot of Knob Creek, an Aleve, and copious amounts of Chipotleaway. Given my track record, I highly doubt this will affect my picks. Looking at the lineup, I think the BBoys should have rallied around the SEC West Championship game and taken an off week of their own. What about Week X speaks to an AD that they should schedule a DI-AA opponent?
South Carolina at Arkansas (-7), 12:21pm
EGM
The Cocks are experimenting with how many huge hits a QB can take before he voluntarily quits and heads to a life of alcohol and opiates. However, the Cocks did not pick an adequate subject to test because Steve Garcia was already living that life. Arkansas is a complete enigma. They have a pretty decent D-Line and a QB who throws p-rods. Yet they have lost to both UGA and Ole Miss. I’ll ride the home Hawgs in this game and lay the points. The Cocks looked lethargic in Neyland last week and Fayetteville isn’t the kind of place to get back on a roll.
Cocks 9
Hawgs 24
CB
Cocks 23
Backs 25
ML
SoCar 28
Sooey 33
Eastern Kentucky at Kentucky (NL), 1:00pm
ML
Known as “the Maroons” until 1960, EKU became the Colonels and went on to dominate the Ohio Valley Conference. Lee “Six Million Dollar Man” Majors attended EKU before he started banging Farrah Fawcett. Ironically, John Calipari is also known as the “Six Million Dollar Man.” It may have something to do with his recruiting budget. You’d think he’d divert some of that cash to poor Rich Brooks.
Colonel Steve Austin 6
sUK 29
CB
East 2
Pussies (You know, like cats) 34
EGM
Colonels 7
Kats 41
Tennessee Tech at Georgia (NL), 1:00pm
CB
This game, like most this week, is pretty meh-able. Other than USC/Ark, and LSU/Bama, every other game is either NL or a huge spread. I know that UGA has played a great (hard/difficult/full of losses) schedule, but at least this weekend we can finally get their douchebag fans to shut up. Joe Cox and the rest of the Bulldogs played like complete idiots last weekend. I can’t believe how marginal they still are…I mean I can believe it, but I’m surprised, oh and happy.
(the other) TTech 14
UGA 33
ML
Golden Eagles 6
Urban’s Bitches 37
EGM
Evil Eagles 10
Evil Joe Cox 48
Furman at Auburn (NL), 1:30pm
EGM
Huge matchup in Jerdin Hair this week. The Purple Paladins bring their chivalrous DI-AA style into the den of bad haircuts. I think they should joust instead of play football.
PPs 14
Plainsmen 52
CB
Dumb 4
Dumb and EVIL 32
ML
Purple Paladins 6
Navy Blue Plainsmen 27
LSU at Alabama (-7.5), 3:30
CB
This is the game of the week, and I finally got a good one. LSU is coming off two big wins (big in the sense that the margin of victory was large), since the loss to the Gators. This game has a shit load on the line, a Ramma Jamma win locks up the SEC West and a date with the Gators in the SEC Championship, an LSU win puts them in the driver’s seat. Basically what you are looking for in this game is whether or not LSU can make plays on Bama’s defense. We all know about how “great” LSU’s athletes are, but if they don’t get Charles Scott going on the ground and have to rely on Jefferson to pass the ball all over the Tide, then this could be a long game for the Tigers. Bama has had a week off since the dramatics of the UT-block-field-goal-game, and so hopefully for their sake they’ve gotten over the high. I think that the Tide will follow the Gators lead in shutting down LSU’s offense, but their real question is whether or not Saban’s pistol formation will be hard-nosed enough to run against a tough Tiger D. I like Bama to win, but I’m not sure about the points…
QB is skittish 13
RB likes to Run 20
ML
Tigers 13
Tide 20
EGM
Tigers 21
Bamer 20
Memphis at Tennessee (-26.5), 7:00pm
ML
Kiffykins is coming off his first win over a ranked team and looking to pile on against Memphis State. Monte’s defense has remained stout all year, to have any chance the Tigers need to conger up some additional eligibility for DeAngelo Williams. With that said, there is no way UT should be laying more than 3 touchdowns to anyone. Crompton still sucks. Whoever Memphis’ coach is should lay money on his team to cover and play it as close to the vest as possible.
Memphis 10
Knoxville 30
CB
Gangland 10
Crapland 38
EGM
Memphass 0
Vols 38
Vanderbilt at Florida (-34.5), 7:15pm
ML
Oooooh its Eye Gauge-Gate!!!! I just heard Craig “the drunken preacher” James demand a 3 game suspension for Spikes. Is he serious? A pre-pubescent Malt Licker hated this clown back when he was the lead analyst on Gameday. That was before he pulled a David Caruso, leaving ESPN to join CBS. Unfortunately, like a bad case of herpes, he is back to spoil things. As you can tell, I’m sick of his act. Our Gators dispensed of UGA and have a bye week before their final road test of the season. What’s that you say? We have a game? I don’t count Vandy.
Avoiding Wins 6
Avoiding Letdowns 44
CB
Dores and Dorks 13
Studs and Gators 49
EGM
Doremats 3
Gators 58
Northern Arizona at Ole Miss (NL), 7:30pm
CB
It’s a good thing that the Rebs are playing Nalthun Zona this week. The real excitement is to come in the next few weeks. Ole Miss hosts Tennessee and LSU and still (remarkably) has a psychotically outside shot at the SEC West Title. I know, I know its ridiculous, but if they win out, and others lose late, it could possibly happen, I think. Anyways, it would be very beneficial if the Rebs could maybe actually possibly create and maintain some momentum that apparently was obliterated last week when they lost to Orburn, if they are to have any shot at the title. Anyways, look for Snead to light up the …uh whoever they are, bigtime.
Who Are YOU? 5
Ole Miss by Damn 45
ML
Lumberjacks 11
Rebs 51
EGM
Lumberjacks 6
Rebs 45
Mississippi State - OFF
EGM
Muddin’ and coonhunts.
Man, I am still recovering from the FL/GA weekend. Great freaking time tailgating and a great game; my bourbon girl and I snuck in a large size travel flask of (guess), and I was successful at “having a great time.” Anyways, another thing that was great about the game was how submissive the UGA fans were; I love it when the opposing fans are more certain of your team’s victory than you are…And I’m not talking about the fake bullshit they pull in Auburn either. These Georgia fans were insisting the Gators were going to cover, and I should have listened to them. This week the bigtime game is in Tuscaloosa, the Gators wrapped up the SEC East last week, now the next goal is to remain undefeated!
Malt Licker
Good times last week in Jacksonville with Cuzzin’ Bailey, who was a most gracious host. A beautiful Saturday, a tremendous tailgate and a beatdown of Jawja almost made me forget I was in Jacksonville. Then the drive home….leaving that downtown is like trying to escape some black hole of hell. It’s a wonder ESPN.com is questioning the viability of an NFL franchise there. Other than Bama/LSU, it’s a shitty slate of games. It almost makes one want to talk about baseball…..GO YANKS!!!!
El Gran Mono
Its certainly been a whirlwind week and I find myself leading off Friday morning with a shot of Knob Creek, an Aleve, and copious amounts of Chipotleaway. Given my track record, I highly doubt this will affect my picks. Looking at the lineup, I think the BBoys should have rallied around the SEC West Championship game and taken an off week of their own. What about Week X speaks to an AD that they should schedule a DI-AA opponent?
South Carolina at Arkansas (-7), 12:21pm
EGM
The Cocks are experimenting with how many huge hits a QB can take before he voluntarily quits and heads to a life of alcohol and opiates. However, the Cocks did not pick an adequate subject to test because Steve Garcia was already living that life. Arkansas is a complete enigma. They have a pretty decent D-Line and a QB who throws p-rods. Yet they have lost to both UGA and Ole Miss. I’ll ride the home Hawgs in this game and lay the points. The Cocks looked lethargic in Neyland last week and Fayetteville isn’t the kind of place to get back on a roll.
Cocks 9
Hawgs 24
CB
Cocks 23
Backs 25
ML
SoCar 28
Sooey 33
Eastern Kentucky at Kentucky (NL), 1:00pm
ML
Known as “the Maroons” until 1960, EKU became the Colonels and went on to dominate the Ohio Valley Conference. Lee “Six Million Dollar Man” Majors attended EKU before he started banging Farrah Fawcett. Ironically, John Calipari is also known as the “Six Million Dollar Man.” It may have something to do with his recruiting budget. You’d think he’d divert some of that cash to poor Rich Brooks.
Colonel Steve Austin 6
sUK 29
CB
East 2
Pussies (You know, like cats) 34
EGM
Colonels 7
Kats 41
Tennessee Tech at Georgia (NL), 1:00pm
CB
This game, like most this week, is pretty meh-able. Other than USC/Ark, and LSU/Bama, every other game is either NL or a huge spread. I know that UGA has played a great (hard/difficult/full of losses) schedule, but at least this weekend we can finally get their douchebag fans to shut up. Joe Cox and the rest of the Bulldogs played like complete idiots last weekend. I can’t believe how marginal they still are…I mean I can believe it, but I’m surprised, oh and happy.
(the other) TTech 14
UGA 33
ML
Golden Eagles 6
Urban’s Bitches 37
EGM
Evil Eagles 10
Evil Joe Cox 48
Furman at Auburn (NL), 1:30pm
EGM
Huge matchup in Jerdin Hair this week. The Purple Paladins bring their chivalrous DI-AA style into the den of bad haircuts. I think they should joust instead of play football.
PPs 14
Plainsmen 52
CB
Dumb 4
Dumb and EVIL 32
ML
Purple Paladins 6
Navy Blue Plainsmen 27
LSU at Alabama (-7.5), 3:30
CB
This is the game of the week, and I finally got a good one. LSU is coming off two big wins (big in the sense that the margin of victory was large), since the loss to the Gators. This game has a shit load on the line, a Ramma Jamma win locks up the SEC West and a date with the Gators in the SEC Championship, an LSU win puts them in the driver’s seat. Basically what you are looking for in this game is whether or not LSU can make plays on Bama’s defense. We all know about how “great” LSU’s athletes are, but if they don’t get Charles Scott going on the ground and have to rely on Jefferson to pass the ball all over the Tide, then this could be a long game for the Tigers. Bama has had a week off since the dramatics of the UT-block-field-goal-game, and so hopefully for their sake they’ve gotten over the high. I think that the Tide will follow the Gators lead in shutting down LSU’s offense, but their real question is whether or not Saban’s pistol formation will be hard-nosed enough to run against a tough Tiger D. I like Bama to win, but I’m not sure about the points…
QB is skittish 13
RB likes to Run 20
ML
Tigers 13
Tide 20
EGM
Tigers 21
Bamer 20
Memphis at Tennessee (-26.5), 7:00pm
ML
Kiffykins is coming off his first win over a ranked team and looking to pile on against Memphis State. Monte’s defense has remained stout all year, to have any chance the Tigers need to conger up some additional eligibility for DeAngelo Williams. With that said, there is no way UT should be laying more than 3 touchdowns to anyone. Crompton still sucks. Whoever Memphis’ coach is should lay money on his team to cover and play it as close to the vest as possible.
Memphis 10
Knoxville 30
CB
Gangland 10
Crapland 38
EGM
Memphass 0
Vols 38
Vanderbilt at Florida (-34.5), 7:15pm
ML
Oooooh its Eye Gauge-Gate!!!! I just heard Craig “the drunken preacher” James demand a 3 game suspension for Spikes. Is he serious? A pre-pubescent Malt Licker hated this clown back when he was the lead analyst on Gameday. That was before he pulled a David Caruso, leaving ESPN to join CBS. Unfortunately, like a bad case of herpes, he is back to spoil things. As you can tell, I’m sick of his act. Our Gators dispensed of UGA and have a bye week before their final road test of the season. What’s that you say? We have a game? I don’t count Vandy.
Avoiding Wins 6
Avoiding Letdowns 44
CB
Dores and Dorks 13
Studs and Gators 49
EGM
Doremats 3
Gators 58
Northern Arizona at Ole Miss (NL), 7:30pm
CB
It’s a good thing that the Rebs are playing Nalthun Zona this week. The real excitement is to come in the next few weeks. Ole Miss hosts Tennessee and LSU and still (remarkably) has a psychotically outside shot at the SEC West Title. I know, I know its ridiculous, but if they win out, and others lose late, it could possibly happen, I think. Anyways, it would be very beneficial if the Rebs could maybe actually possibly create and maintain some momentum that apparently was obliterated last week when they lost to Orburn, if they are to have any shot at the title. Anyways, look for Snead to light up the …uh whoever they are, bigtime.
Who Are YOU? 5
Ole Miss by Damn 45
ML
Lumberjacks 11
Rebs 51
EGM
Lumberjacks 6
Rebs 45
Mississippi State - OFF
EGM
Muddin’ and coonhunts.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week IX
El Gran Mono
Prepare for negativity my friends, because I’m amped up to trash pretty much every team out there. After all of the top teams struggled (excluding Tejas), the pundits are swarming upon the fact that there is parity in CFB. This usually happens around Week 11 when every player doesn’t turn out exactly as Athlon/Lindys/Sporting News predicted they would. Happy Halloween! I’ll be the guy dressed as a cynical college football fan.
Cuzzin’ Bailey
Big Game this weekend! I always knew that Fla/Ga was a huge deal, but I love the electricity in Jacksonville this week. Well I’m being a little sarcastic, but seriously, now that the game approaches, and my guest list is filled, I cannot wait til Saturday! My Bourbon Girl is bringing her good luck to Jax, some amigos are driving up from the ‘Burg, and the Malt "effing" Licker is making the extra long trip from CougarTown (just to see me); so our tailgate may turn into a full on party. EGM’s pop is gonna be manning the grill, and the shotgunning of beers will commence circa 9:30am. In regards to the game, I am really hoping the awful UGA defense is the cure for whatever is ailing our Redzone offense. I am not NECESSARILY worried we will lose the game as much as I am worried we’ll look like shit doing it. I trust our defense and I’m pretty sure that Joe Cox won’t be the savior this year considering how bad we made Matt Stafford look last year…Go Gators!
Malt Licker
Just finished packing for the trip up to Jville to meet up with Cuzzin Bailey and attend the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail party. Jeter is facing the Dominican Rat, Pedro Martinez, I have a beer cracked, and I’m looking forward to quitting time Friday afternoon. I just wish El Gran Mono could join us. Last week, the Gators turned in another ugly victory, but are undefeated against the West for the first time since ’96. Mark pRicht and his Dawgs have a week to prepare. Normally this would be considered a “trap game,” but I have no doubt Tebow and the offense will be ultra-motivated, they just might not be that good. It should be a fantastic Halloween in Jacksonville; I’m looking for costume suggestions.
Ole Miss at Auburn (+3.5), 12:21
ML
These are two teams going in opposite directions. Nutt’s Rebs have righted the ship and have won two in a row behind a strong defense. Chiz’ Tigz were just blown out in Baton Rouge and are on the back side of a 3 game losing streak. Ole Piss is looking for its first back-to-back wins over Awbarn in 57 years. I’d be remiss if I didn’t comment on the faux genteel classiness of each school’s douchebag student body. Given the scarcity of bars in the “loveliest little village on the Plains,” it’s a good thing Reb fans are used to drinking in outside.
Spooky Rebels 27
Hungry Tigers 17
EGM
Rebs 28
Plainsmen 13
CB
Ole Ma’am 24
Orbarn 21
3:30pm
Georgia v. Florida -16.5, 3:30
EGM
World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party! Take that Machenajad! You can’t curb my free speech, SON! Sorry, I had to get that out of the way. I’m not a fan of PC assholes or university President’s who think their limited oligarchy extends to curbing off campus boozing.
On to the actual game. The Gators have a completely shitty passing game highlighted by a QB who refuses to read defenses or throw the ball away. It’s a good thing they have a power running game that now features the I formation and three stud backs. Although UGA is better at stopping the run than the pass, they will still give up yards in chunks (at least until the red zone). The Dawgs offense is pretty one dimensional against any team with a pulse. And the worse part about the one dimension is that its keyed by Joe Cox. Mr Cox will find moving the ball difficult once AJ Green is taken away. I expect that will take about 0 plays considering everyone knows that Green is UGA’s only playmaker. Regardless of UF’s lethargic, predicable offense, I expect a pretty easy win and cover due to UGA’s inability to move the ball.
UGA needs a “safe zone” 10
Craptacular Gators 28
CB
Juhja 13
FLORIDA 28
ML
Losing 17 out of 20 10
Winning 18 in a row 24
Mississippi State at Kentucky (-3), 7
ML
All of a sudden it came to me. As I was watching our Gators struggle against their former coach, I had a thought. I must first ask our readers if they know the name of the child who played Augustus Gloop in the original Willy Wonka. Are we sure it wasn’t a young Dan Mullen? Talk about a doppelganger, I think I saw some fudge stains on Dan’s rosey cheeks. The Kats actually have a winning streak, perhaps delaying the annual autumnal shift in focus to hoops. Are the Dawgs satisfied with the “close loss” to the Gators, or will they actually try to, you know, win?
IM SOOOO HUNNNNGRRRYYY!!! 20
MEOWW 12
EGM
Miss State 13
KY 17
CB
MISSed Opportunities 23
Kensucks 24
Eastern Michigan at Arkansas (-37.5), 7
CB
By far this is the game of the week! Haha, I am actually not 100% sure I’m going to stay awake while typing this. I understand that Arkansas is still totally preoccupied by the “penalty-gate” in the SEC and that would explain their lame-duck performance last week in Oxford. I’m not saying the Rebs are a pushover, but after the “gutty” showing in Gainesburg two weeks ago, I expected more. But this week, the Hawgs are playing the hapless Eagles from the Eastern part of the Mitten. I fully expect a cover and a “look at how tough we are” outcome in favor of the slighted Razorbacks. Btw, I guess its only a big deal when you play shitbox teams in the BEGINNING of the season.
EMU 7
Arky 47
EGM
Its Education First in Ypsilanti 10
Its Football First in Fayetteville 49
ML
Poultry 6
Pork 49
Georgia Tech at Vanderbilt (+11.5), 7:30
CB
I have no problem predicting a full on throttling from Paul Johnson’s triple option Flexbone. I was gonna say that Vandy has been decent even in their losses, but that’s not really true. They’ve been beat pretty handily by UGA, Ole Miss, and LSU. They aren’t giving up HUGE amounts of points, but they can’t score to save their lives. They’ve scored 133 points in 8 games (about 16 points per game). Compare that to GT’s 261 total points, and that’s almost double! I have to admit that watching the Tech games is a guilty pleasure of mine. I am really digging the triple option, and I’m praying that IF we don’t make it to the title game that UF does NOT have to face them in a bowl game. Not saying they can beat us, but right now its seriously clicking and its scary to watch. Combine the fact that everything is going the Yellow Jackets way and the fact that Vandy has a fast track, and we could be looking at a bigtime blowout.
Runnin’ Ramblin’ Wreck 34
Gonna get wishBONED. 14
EGM
Jackets 31
Smandy 7
ML
ACC Dorks 30
SEC Dorks 14
South Carolina at Tennessee (-5), 7:45
CB
I see that Kiffen has been reprimanded again for being a bitch, and was basically told that if he opens up his trap and causes another stir he MAY get more than a slap on the wrist. I hear all the Vols fans talking about how they are impressed with his ability to keep UT’s name in the media and bring attention to the school, but is this really the kind of exposure you want? I remember when Zook was fighting frat boys and thriving on the reputation of being a “player’s coach” and I’m thinking that this wasn’t the kind of guy I want coaching my favorite team…just saying. The Gamecocks are having a great-ish year (relatively), and are already bowl eligible. UT is 3-4 and coming off an emotional loss to Bama (Kick Vols, Kick), so they will either be hunting for retribution or realize they are a total joke and that no one outside of KnoxVegas cares that they almost won. God I hope USC wins this game. Oh and btw, bet the UNDER, I’m looking for a low scoring game.
Cocks 13
Puke Orange 14
EGM
Cocks 10
Vols 13
ML
Cockfighters 19
Ref Haters 17
Tulane at LSU (-35), 8
EGM
I read an article somewhere that said LSU should watch out Tulane because they might be looking ahead to Bama. That’s a pretty stupid thing to say. Even with JJeff pulling the strings at QB, there is no chance they lose to hapless Tulane.
Green Waves usually smell like shit 0
Baton Rouge smells like shit 41
CB
Tulane 13
LSU 40
ML
Wave of Green 5
Red Stick of Shit 31
USC at Oregon (+3), 8
EGM
This could be the biggest game in the history of Animal House U. The Ducks have recovered from their asskicking in Boise and have run roughshod over the Pac-10 ever since. However, I’m still pissed they lost to Boise because we have to listen to all this “they deserve a shot” talk for another full year. Its ridiculous and I hate it.
USC’s defense doesn’t appear to be quite as good as everyone thought they would be. Oregon State moved the ball with ease against them throughout the second half. Good thing Matt Barkley has matured quickly in order to put up the points necessary for victory. Well, I think the party is going to end for young Matt in the horrors of Autzen stadium. The Ducks are playing good defense these days and I expect the rookie mistakes to come out. Prepare for some BCS controversy! What’s that like?
Trojans 17
Quackers 21
CB
Carroll’s homies 32
Home of Charlie’s Parents 27
ML
Men of Troy 16
Ducks of Quack 20
Alabama – OFF
ML
It seems like I always get the goddamn bye week. Bama has a week off before their final big test before Atlanta. Fat Boy Cody came clutch with a big block of Kiffy McSissypants game winning attempt. I hear the notoriety has earned him a cover on this week’s front page of BBW Magazine.
Prepare for negativity my friends, because I’m amped up to trash pretty much every team out there. After all of the top teams struggled (excluding Tejas), the pundits are swarming upon the fact that there is parity in CFB. This usually happens around Week 11 when every player doesn’t turn out exactly as Athlon/Lindys/Sporting News predicted they would. Happy Halloween! I’ll be the guy dressed as a cynical college football fan.
Cuzzin’ Bailey
Big Game this weekend! I always knew that Fla/Ga was a huge deal, but I love the electricity in Jacksonville this week. Well I’m being a little sarcastic, but seriously, now that the game approaches, and my guest list is filled, I cannot wait til Saturday! My Bourbon Girl is bringing her good luck to Jax, some amigos are driving up from the ‘Burg, and the Malt "effing" Licker is making the extra long trip from CougarTown (just to see me); so our tailgate may turn into a full on party. EGM’s pop is gonna be manning the grill, and the shotgunning of beers will commence circa 9:30am. In regards to the game, I am really hoping the awful UGA defense is the cure for whatever is ailing our Redzone offense. I am not NECESSARILY worried we will lose the game as much as I am worried we’ll look like shit doing it. I trust our defense and I’m pretty sure that Joe Cox won’t be the savior this year considering how bad we made Matt Stafford look last year…Go Gators!
Malt Licker
Just finished packing for the trip up to Jville to meet up with Cuzzin Bailey and attend the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail party. Jeter is facing the Dominican Rat, Pedro Martinez, I have a beer cracked, and I’m looking forward to quitting time Friday afternoon. I just wish El Gran Mono could join us. Last week, the Gators turned in another ugly victory, but are undefeated against the West for the first time since ’96. Mark pRicht and his Dawgs have a week to prepare. Normally this would be considered a “trap game,” but I have no doubt Tebow and the offense will be ultra-motivated, they just might not be that good. It should be a fantastic Halloween in Jacksonville; I’m looking for costume suggestions.
Ole Miss at Auburn (+3.5), 12:21
ML
These are two teams going in opposite directions. Nutt’s Rebs have righted the ship and have won two in a row behind a strong defense. Chiz’ Tigz were just blown out in Baton Rouge and are on the back side of a 3 game losing streak. Ole Piss is looking for its first back-to-back wins over Awbarn in 57 years. I’d be remiss if I didn’t comment on the faux genteel classiness of each school’s douchebag student body. Given the scarcity of bars in the “loveliest little village on the Plains,” it’s a good thing Reb fans are used to drinking in outside.
Spooky Rebels 27
Hungry Tigers 17
EGM
Rebs 28
Plainsmen 13
CB
Ole Ma’am 24
Orbarn 21
3:30pm
Georgia v. Florida -16.5, 3:30
EGM
World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party! Take that Machenajad! You can’t curb my free speech, SON! Sorry, I had to get that out of the way. I’m not a fan of PC assholes or university President’s who think their limited oligarchy extends to curbing off campus boozing.
On to the actual game. The Gators have a completely shitty passing game highlighted by a QB who refuses to read defenses or throw the ball away. It’s a good thing they have a power running game that now features the I formation and three stud backs. Although UGA is better at stopping the run than the pass, they will still give up yards in chunks (at least until the red zone). The Dawgs offense is pretty one dimensional against any team with a pulse. And the worse part about the one dimension is that its keyed by Joe Cox. Mr Cox will find moving the ball difficult once AJ Green is taken away. I expect that will take about 0 plays considering everyone knows that Green is UGA’s only playmaker. Regardless of UF’s lethargic, predicable offense, I expect a pretty easy win and cover due to UGA’s inability to move the ball.
UGA needs a “safe zone” 10
Craptacular Gators 28
CB
Juhja 13
FLORIDA 28
ML
Losing 17 out of 20 10
Winning 18 in a row 24
Mississippi State at Kentucky (-3), 7
ML
All of a sudden it came to me. As I was watching our Gators struggle against their former coach, I had a thought. I must first ask our readers if they know the name of the child who played Augustus Gloop in the original Willy Wonka. Are we sure it wasn’t a young Dan Mullen? Talk about a doppelganger, I think I saw some fudge stains on Dan’s rosey cheeks. The Kats actually have a winning streak, perhaps delaying the annual autumnal shift in focus to hoops. Are the Dawgs satisfied with the “close loss” to the Gators, or will they actually try to, you know, win?
IM SOOOO HUNNNNGRRRYYY!!! 20
MEOWW 12
EGM
Miss State 13
KY 17
CB
MISSed Opportunities 23
Kensucks 24
Eastern Michigan at Arkansas (-37.5), 7
CB
By far this is the game of the week! Haha, I am actually not 100% sure I’m going to stay awake while typing this. I understand that Arkansas is still totally preoccupied by the “penalty-gate” in the SEC and that would explain their lame-duck performance last week in Oxford. I’m not saying the Rebs are a pushover, but after the “gutty” showing in Gainesburg two weeks ago, I expected more. But this week, the Hawgs are playing the hapless Eagles from the Eastern part of the Mitten. I fully expect a cover and a “look at how tough we are” outcome in favor of the slighted Razorbacks. Btw, I guess its only a big deal when you play shitbox teams in the BEGINNING of the season.
EMU 7
Arky 47
EGM
Its Education First in Ypsilanti 10
Its Football First in Fayetteville 49
ML
Poultry 6
Pork 49
Georgia Tech at Vanderbilt (+11.5), 7:30
CB
I have no problem predicting a full on throttling from Paul Johnson’s triple option Flexbone. I was gonna say that Vandy has been decent even in their losses, but that’s not really true. They’ve been beat pretty handily by UGA, Ole Miss, and LSU. They aren’t giving up HUGE amounts of points, but they can’t score to save their lives. They’ve scored 133 points in 8 games (about 16 points per game). Compare that to GT’s 261 total points, and that’s almost double! I have to admit that watching the Tech games is a guilty pleasure of mine. I am really digging the triple option, and I’m praying that IF we don’t make it to the title game that UF does NOT have to face them in a bowl game. Not saying they can beat us, but right now its seriously clicking and its scary to watch. Combine the fact that everything is going the Yellow Jackets way and the fact that Vandy has a fast track, and we could be looking at a bigtime blowout.
Runnin’ Ramblin’ Wreck 34
Gonna get wishBONED. 14
EGM
Jackets 31
Smandy 7
ML
ACC Dorks 30
SEC Dorks 14
South Carolina at Tennessee (-5), 7:45
CB
I see that Kiffen has been reprimanded again for being a bitch, and was basically told that if he opens up his trap and causes another stir he MAY get more than a slap on the wrist. I hear all the Vols fans talking about how they are impressed with his ability to keep UT’s name in the media and bring attention to the school, but is this really the kind of exposure you want? I remember when Zook was fighting frat boys and thriving on the reputation of being a “player’s coach” and I’m thinking that this wasn’t the kind of guy I want coaching my favorite team…just saying. The Gamecocks are having a great-ish year (relatively), and are already bowl eligible. UT is 3-4 and coming off an emotional loss to Bama (Kick Vols, Kick), so they will either be hunting for retribution or realize they are a total joke and that no one outside of KnoxVegas cares that they almost won. God I hope USC wins this game. Oh and btw, bet the UNDER, I’m looking for a low scoring game.
Cocks 13
Puke Orange 14
EGM
Cocks 10
Vols 13
ML
Cockfighters 19
Ref Haters 17
Tulane at LSU (-35), 8
EGM
I read an article somewhere that said LSU should watch out Tulane because they might be looking ahead to Bama. That’s a pretty stupid thing to say. Even with JJeff pulling the strings at QB, there is no chance they lose to hapless Tulane.
Green Waves usually smell like shit 0
Baton Rouge smells like shit 41
CB
Tulane 13
LSU 40
ML
Wave of Green 5
Red Stick of Shit 31
USC at Oregon (+3), 8
EGM
This could be the biggest game in the history of Animal House U. The Ducks have recovered from their asskicking in Boise and have run roughshod over the Pac-10 ever since. However, I’m still pissed they lost to Boise because we have to listen to all this “they deserve a shot” talk for another full year. Its ridiculous and I hate it.
USC’s defense doesn’t appear to be quite as good as everyone thought they would be. Oregon State moved the ball with ease against them throughout the second half. Good thing Matt Barkley has matured quickly in order to put up the points necessary for victory. Well, I think the party is going to end for young Matt in the horrors of Autzen stadium. The Ducks are playing good defense these days and I expect the rookie mistakes to come out. Prepare for some BCS controversy! What’s that like?
Trojans 17
Quackers 21
CB
Carroll’s homies 32
Home of Charlie’s Parents 27
ML
Men of Troy 16
Ducks of Quack 20
Alabama – OFF
ML
It seems like I always get the goddamn bye week. Bama has a week off before their final big test before Atlanta. Fat Boy Cody came clutch with a big block of Kiffy McSissypants game winning attempt. I hear the notoriety has earned him a cover on this week’s front page of BBW Magazine.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week VIII
Malt Licker
Well the Gators played like crap and were able to escape. I suppose that is good news, but I’d love to see our offense perform within the same galaxy as last years. I think this proves how important Percy and L Murph were to the squad. We have to find a way to open things up, or we will most assuredly have a hiccup along the way. The rest of the week’s slate is pretty uninspiring, with the most compelling game being Kiffie-kin’s first trip to Tuscaloosa.
El Gran Mono
There has been a lot of talk this week that SEC Refs suck (which is very true) so I think I’ll incorporate that into my takes a little more heavily. I’m finally at .500 despite the refs sucking and Cuz can hear me running behind him Steve Atwater style. Will he alligator arm it or catch it like a champ? Or will the refs blow it? I’m betting on door number one. I think I’ve finally got a handle on Vandy. I’m hoping the Gators have a handle on Starkville.
Cuzzin’ Bailey
Where to begin? Apparently UF didn’t deserve to win last week. I’m just paraphrasing every single “comment board” on ESPN (dot) com this week. I guess the only thing that would make those loser Arkansas fans (as well as every Gator Hater in the world) happy would be for Florida to concede this and voluntarily forfeit the game. Let me tell you, BAD CALLS HAPPEN! Ask UGA. Ask UF after the 2003 Florida State game. Shit happens. We (the fans of that team) stew about it for years and years to come, but guess what changes…Jack SHIT. Ah, glad I got that off my chest. Oh, btw, if UF didn’t get that personal foul call, it still would have been 2nd and 9 on the 20. It ain’t like we hadn’t been moving the ball ALL GAME. Barring another fumble and we’re looking at the same result. God I hate whiners. Unless their name is Cuzzin Bailey. Last thing, sorry my comments don’t reek with the professional prose of one Malt Licker. We should all bow to his superior intellect and humility HAHA…loser.
Arkansas at Ole Miss (-5.5), 12:30
ML
The Hawgs nearly ended the nation’s longest winning streak in the Swamp last week. Can they use the momentum from this moral victory and knock off their old coach? The only person in Oxford having a worse season than Jevan Snead is his barber. How does he get that look? With a ruler? Anyway, is it possible Ole Miss just isn’t that good? I’m giving my boy Houston one more chance.
Sooey 21
Toddy 31
EGM
Hawgs 21
Rebs 20
CB
Sore Losers 23
Oxford Comeback? 25
Tennessee at Alabama (-16.5), 3:30
ML
Mr. Kiffykins comes to town to face the other rival he ticked off during the offseason. Can he cover the spread again? If he does, it will have more to do with Daddy, who has two weeks to devise a scheme to stop Mark Ingram. If Crapton can keep the turnovers at 2, the Vols can make this interesting. I feel like Bama is due for a scare.
White shirted Vols 13
Crimson stained sheets 21
EGM
Monte keeps it close 13
Saban likes it close 17
CB
Probation in 2 years 10
Roll over Kiffin 27
Louisiana-Monroe at Kentucky (-15.5), 7
CB
Boy how lucky did I get? The only non-All-SEC game in the bunch. I presume that UK will be able to pull out the win here on the blue grass, but I’m curious how easily they’ll score 15 points total! I’m gonna run blind here cause I really don’t care about wasting anyone’s time with analysis. I’m sure LA-Mon has put up some great number against whatever teams they play, which explains this relatively small spread. Kentucky is coming off a huge win on the Plains against the scumbag Tigers. Speaking of that game, I love watching their fans look so dumbfounded when a team they deem inferior goes into Orburn and comes out with a W. Good times. Kats roll here, hey here’s some breaking news…one of Kensucky’s basketball recruit’s eligibility is ALREADY in question…gotta love Calipari, he sure doesn’t waste any time cheating…
MON-roe 14
Kant beat Kentucky’s Kats 30
ML
LaMo 13
UK 34
EGM
LaMo 10
KY 28
Vanderbilt at South Carolina (-12.5), 7
EGM
Ol’ Spurdog took one on the chops last week vs. Saban and his nasty defense. If only Stephen Garcia wouldn’t get rattled so easily they might have…hmmm…if only. The Cocks don’t have much of a running game and that could make this matchup quite interesting because Vandy has a great pass defense statistically. However, I think their great pass defense is only a result of their terrible rush defense. Spurdog does tend to force the issue with what he feels is “right” even if its not working. But with a week to prepare I would expect the “right” gameplan to incorporate a steady diet of running. That won’t be good for Vandy who really sucks on offense. Even the refs can’t help out with that.
Dores 3
Cocks 17
ML
Vanderdork 12
GameCocks 29
CB
Logically Terrible 9
We’ll Spit Dip in yer Eye 22
Florida at Mississippi State (+22), 7:30
CB
Hell yea. The Gators won last week, after turning the ball over 4 times, thrice in or around the redzone. But now that last week is over, its time to talk about a place I just started referring to as the “Twilight Zone for Gator Football”. Sure, it’s not a real supernatural place, like the Bermuda Triangle, but this is a “city” where UF forgets all it knows about football. A place where defensive captains elect to “kickoff” when the only real option is to “receive,” a place where there are more cowbells in one square mile than there are in the entire state of Texas, A PLACE where Mississippi State thrives when the Gators come to town. 1992, the last Thursday night game UF has played, Shane Matthews throws 5 interceptions in his home state. 2000, Spurrier elects to punt on 3rd down, the Miss Dogs have 2 150+ yard rushers, and my dad is drinking whisky and water from the melted ice in the cooler. 2004, without that loss, Zook would not have been fired, in retrospect I’m happy about that one. Regardless, of course we SHOULD win this Saturday, but the SEC SHOULD be regulating the illegal noise-maker policy in Starkville too, but that shit ain’t happening. Oh yea, aside from all the spookiness and superstition about Davis Wade Stadium at Scott Field, the Gators are facing their old offensive coordinator…he probably knows what to expect…but can they execute, that’s the question…I think its about time the Gators defense got over the LSU hangover and Janoris Jenkins remembered how to cover. This is the last time I’m gonna make a multi-interception call for our D. If it doesn’t happen this weekend I’m beginning a self-invoked moratorium on praise for our secondary…don’t let me down guys.
Road GATORS 40
Home (smelly) Dawgs 15
ML
More Gators 37
Less Cowbell 6
EGM
Demons Out 41
Turnover Machine 13
Auburn at LSU (-8), 7:30
EGM
This is traditionally one of my favorite games to watch. It always seems like the teams come out hitting extra hard and there is a lot of jawing. Former LSU QB Andrew “To Good for Harvard” Hatch got crushed so hard last year he couldn’t stand up and didn’t remember large portions of the game. Chris Todd is a much better player this year and certainly can’t play worse than last year. That said, the Plainsmen lost to KY last week…AT HOME. Not good. However, they do have one major thing in their favor and that’s Jordan Jefferson. He’s positively awful. Auburn will have absolutely no problem stopping him. The question then remains, will Gary Crowton and Les Miles adjust and run the wildcat or take Jefferson out of the game? I doubt it. Imagine losing TWICE at night in the same season. Yep, its gonna happen, just like every season in the 80’s. Oh yeah, the refs will suck.
Plainsmen 21
Cajuns 10
ML
Plainsmen 10
Coonasses 14
CB
Prissy Tigers 13
Disgusting Tigers 15
Georgia – OFF
ML
Coach Richt will enjoy this bye week by watching me bang his wife.
Well the Gators played like crap and were able to escape. I suppose that is good news, but I’d love to see our offense perform within the same galaxy as last years. I think this proves how important Percy and L Murph were to the squad. We have to find a way to open things up, or we will most assuredly have a hiccup along the way. The rest of the week’s slate is pretty uninspiring, with the most compelling game being Kiffie-kin’s first trip to Tuscaloosa.
El Gran Mono
There has been a lot of talk this week that SEC Refs suck (which is very true) so I think I’ll incorporate that into my takes a little more heavily. I’m finally at .500 despite the refs sucking and Cuz can hear me running behind him Steve Atwater style. Will he alligator arm it or catch it like a champ? Or will the refs blow it? I’m betting on door number one. I think I’ve finally got a handle on Vandy. I’m hoping the Gators have a handle on Starkville.
Cuzzin’ Bailey
Where to begin? Apparently UF didn’t deserve to win last week. I’m just paraphrasing every single “comment board” on ESPN (dot) com this week. I guess the only thing that would make those loser Arkansas fans (as well as every Gator Hater in the world) happy would be for Florida to concede this and voluntarily forfeit the game. Let me tell you, BAD CALLS HAPPEN! Ask UGA. Ask UF after the 2003 Florida State game. Shit happens. We (the fans of that team) stew about it for years and years to come, but guess what changes…Jack SHIT. Ah, glad I got that off my chest. Oh, btw, if UF didn’t get that personal foul call, it still would have been 2nd and 9 on the 20. It ain’t like we hadn’t been moving the ball ALL GAME. Barring another fumble and we’re looking at the same result. God I hate whiners. Unless their name is Cuzzin Bailey. Last thing, sorry my comments don’t reek with the professional prose of one Malt Licker. We should all bow to his superior intellect and humility HAHA…loser.
Arkansas at Ole Miss (-5.5), 12:30
ML
The Hawgs nearly ended the nation’s longest winning streak in the Swamp last week. Can they use the momentum from this moral victory and knock off their old coach? The only person in Oxford having a worse season than Jevan Snead is his barber. How does he get that look? With a ruler? Anyway, is it possible Ole Miss just isn’t that good? I’m giving my boy Houston one more chance.
Sooey 21
Toddy 31
EGM
Hawgs 21
Rebs 20
CB
Sore Losers 23
Oxford Comeback? 25
Tennessee at Alabama (-16.5), 3:30
ML
Mr. Kiffykins comes to town to face the other rival he ticked off during the offseason. Can he cover the spread again? If he does, it will have more to do with Daddy, who has two weeks to devise a scheme to stop Mark Ingram. If Crapton can keep the turnovers at 2, the Vols can make this interesting. I feel like Bama is due for a scare.
White shirted Vols 13
Crimson stained sheets 21
EGM
Monte keeps it close 13
Saban likes it close 17
CB
Probation in 2 years 10
Roll over Kiffin 27
Louisiana-Monroe at Kentucky (-15.5), 7
CB
Boy how lucky did I get? The only non-All-SEC game in the bunch. I presume that UK will be able to pull out the win here on the blue grass, but I’m curious how easily they’ll score 15 points total! I’m gonna run blind here cause I really don’t care about wasting anyone’s time with analysis. I’m sure LA-Mon has put up some great number against whatever teams they play, which explains this relatively small spread. Kentucky is coming off a huge win on the Plains against the scumbag Tigers. Speaking of that game, I love watching their fans look so dumbfounded when a team they deem inferior goes into Orburn and comes out with a W. Good times. Kats roll here, hey here’s some breaking news…one of Kensucky’s basketball recruit’s eligibility is ALREADY in question…gotta love Calipari, he sure doesn’t waste any time cheating…
MON-roe 14
Kant beat Kentucky’s Kats 30
ML
LaMo 13
UK 34
EGM
LaMo 10
KY 28
Vanderbilt at South Carolina (-12.5), 7
EGM
Ol’ Spurdog took one on the chops last week vs. Saban and his nasty defense. If only Stephen Garcia wouldn’t get rattled so easily they might have…hmmm…if only. The Cocks don’t have much of a running game and that could make this matchup quite interesting because Vandy has a great pass defense statistically. However, I think their great pass defense is only a result of their terrible rush defense. Spurdog does tend to force the issue with what he feels is “right” even if its not working. But with a week to prepare I would expect the “right” gameplan to incorporate a steady diet of running. That won’t be good for Vandy who really sucks on offense. Even the refs can’t help out with that.
Dores 3
Cocks 17
ML
Vanderdork 12
GameCocks 29
CB
Logically Terrible 9
We’ll Spit Dip in yer Eye 22
Florida at Mississippi State (+22), 7:30
CB
Hell yea. The Gators won last week, after turning the ball over 4 times, thrice in or around the redzone. But now that last week is over, its time to talk about a place I just started referring to as the “Twilight Zone for Gator Football”. Sure, it’s not a real supernatural place, like the Bermuda Triangle, but this is a “city” where UF forgets all it knows about football. A place where defensive captains elect to “kickoff” when the only real option is to “receive,” a place where there are more cowbells in one square mile than there are in the entire state of Texas, A PLACE where Mississippi State thrives when the Gators come to town. 1992, the last Thursday night game UF has played, Shane Matthews throws 5 interceptions in his home state. 2000, Spurrier elects to punt on 3rd down, the Miss Dogs have 2 150+ yard rushers, and my dad is drinking whisky and water from the melted ice in the cooler. 2004, without that loss, Zook would not have been fired, in retrospect I’m happy about that one. Regardless, of course we SHOULD win this Saturday, but the SEC SHOULD be regulating the illegal noise-maker policy in Starkville too, but that shit ain’t happening. Oh yea, aside from all the spookiness and superstition about Davis Wade Stadium at Scott Field, the Gators are facing their old offensive coordinator…he probably knows what to expect…but can they execute, that’s the question…I think its about time the Gators defense got over the LSU hangover and Janoris Jenkins remembered how to cover. This is the last time I’m gonna make a multi-interception call for our D. If it doesn’t happen this weekend I’m beginning a self-invoked moratorium on praise for our secondary…don’t let me down guys.
Road GATORS 40
Home (smelly) Dawgs 15
ML
More Gators 37
Less Cowbell 6
EGM
Demons Out 41
Turnover Machine 13
Auburn at LSU (-8), 7:30
EGM
This is traditionally one of my favorite games to watch. It always seems like the teams come out hitting extra hard and there is a lot of jawing. Former LSU QB Andrew “To Good for Harvard” Hatch got crushed so hard last year he couldn’t stand up and didn’t remember large portions of the game. Chris Todd is a much better player this year and certainly can’t play worse than last year. That said, the Plainsmen lost to KY last week…AT HOME. Not good. However, they do have one major thing in their favor and that’s Jordan Jefferson. He’s positively awful. Auburn will have absolutely no problem stopping him. The question then remains, will Gary Crowton and Les Miles adjust and run the wildcat or take Jefferson out of the game? I doubt it. Imagine losing TWICE at night in the same season. Yep, its gonna happen, just like every season in the 80’s. Oh yeah, the refs will suck.
Plainsmen 21
Cajuns 10
ML
Plainsmen 10
Coonasses 14
CB
Prissy Tigers 13
Disgusting Tigers 15
Georgia – OFF
ML
Coach Richt will enjoy this bye week by watching me bang his wife.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week VII - Weekend Edition
Cuzzin Bailey
Well I’m glad I was right to talk about the Gator defense in last week’s edition, but I’m sorry to say that the score I picked was atrocious. I had a great feeling that we would cover and I knew we had it in us to virtually shut down the Tiger offense, but I can’t tell you how impressed I was in our effort. In other news, the former guest Bourbon Boy, The Dinnercruise Gambler, struck again in N’awlins and to salute the weekend, I decided to include a (heavily) edited recap of the trip. Anyways, Gators got homecoming this weekend against an (albeit) unranked, but quite interesting Arkansas squad, I would say its time for the Gators to “open-up” the offense a bit. P.S. don’t you feel like you need a poncho just LISTENING to Lou Holth on TV?
Malt Licker
If any of you are wondering why we did not have all the games posted before the illustrious USF Cincinnati matchup, point the finger at me. I figured you would rather admire Jim Leavitt’s lovely blonde locks, than have to try to decipher Cuzzin’ Bailey’s “writing.” He’s such a wordsmith you may need a thesaurus, and I figured our readers would be more inclined to have one at work. Anyway, the Gators conservatized their way to a 15th consecutive victory and are in firm control of the SEC. If the Gators offense tried to buy an NFL team, there is no doubt that sports “journalists” would run completely fabricated quotes to scuttle their bid.
El Gran Mono
Last week in the SEC, the four major games resulted in three blowouts and one defensive barn burner. Two of the blowouts were authored by previously winless-in-the-SEC teams Arkansas and Tennessee. The Tennessee blowout was surprising not only in the final score but also in the methodology, namely Jonathan Crapton throwing for over three hundred yards. LSU-UF ended up almost exactly as Vegas expected minus the addition of a few extra scores. LSU clearly can’t play much offense and both teams proved they could play defense. The main story of this week is whether team like Arkansas can continue their good play against the top of the conference not just the a “resurgent” team. Enjoy the three “Games of the Week” outside of the SEC.
October 17, 2009
Oklahoma v. Texas (-3), 12
EGM
This was the game on the cover of all the magazines in the preseason: McCoy v. Bradford, THE BIG 12 SHOOTOUT!!, Queers v. Steers. Wait a second, isn’t Big 12 shootout a mildly redundant phrase?
The two losses from Jokelahom definitely downgrades the caliber of this game but after watching Tejas play a few times I’m not so sure they are that great either. I think if they would have played the Mormons and the Thugs from Miami they would have at least one loss. Their offense is almost entirely one dimensional (i.e. Colt McCoy) and their defense is meh. Sure they lead the country in rush defense but look at who they have played (the same can be said for the Gators as well). I really like Oklahoma’s chances in this game. In fact, I fully expect some Sam Bradford revenge. Colt McCoy apparently “deserves” the Heisman after his season last year but Bradford is clearly the better player (better arm, better pocket awareness, better accuracy). McCoy doesn’t suck but he won’t be good enough to beat Bradford for a second year. Memo to Bob Stoops, don’t run any fake punts or fake field goals.
Boomer Sooner 34
Tejas 30
CB
Oklahomo 34
Tejas 45
ML
Boomer 13
Bevo 31
Georgia at Vanderbilt (+7.5), 12:21
CB
Well, a week ago, I would have been marginally interested in this match up because it would give us a look into how UGA can perform against a struggling but (maybe) hungry weaker SEC program. That was before both teams lost to shitbox ones this past weekend. The Dawgs went up the Knoxvegas and laid a total egg, and Schmandie went to visit Army and lost in OT. Just embarrassing. Actually I don’t know which was worse? I mean I knew that Georgia wasn’t good, but that game last weekend was humiliating. They didn’t score an offensive touchdown and didn’t get past the UT 30 (something). God I can’t wait for the Cocktail Party.
Juhjah 33
Nerd Alert 21
ML
Lost to Crapton 24
Lost to Army 10
EGM
Dawgs 27
Dores 10
Mississippi State at Middle Tennessee State (+4), 12:30
ML
I was waiting all year for this one! The pride of Murfreesboro! MTSU’s Blue Raiders, host the Bulldogs at Johnny “Red” Floyd Stadium. Dan Mullen’s Dogs let the SEC, and EGM, down last week with a loss at home to Houston. This should be another tight contest and they need to win, because they face a complete dismantling next week. All I know about the Raiders is they had a pretty good band in 1999, and like to throw the ball a lot in 2009.
Road Dogs 34
Red’s Raiders 24
CB
Road Dogs 35
MTSU 17
EGM
SEC 31
Sun Belt 21
Arkansas at Florida -24 CB, 3:30
CB
LSU BLEAUXS! Man I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to say that without sounding like a sore loser. Not that I even imagined what it was going to be like if we had lost to those terrible Tigers (Terrible as in bad, not frightening). Anyways, I’m sure you’re sick of hearing how great the Gators are and how much I love them, so I think its time to talk about this game. The Razorbax aren’t God awful this year. They actually have a pretty decent quick strike offense. If the Gators overlook this team, I will be greatly disappointed. Sure they got completely shut down by Bama, but last weekend they totally throttled the second best team in AL. Hopefully we can take a page out of the non-scumbag team from the “Heart of Dixie.” I think the Backs are gonna try their stock “throw, throw, then maybe run” game (Mallet is averaging 32 pass attempts/game), which should play right into the Gators hands. I predict 3 picks by the UF secondary, at least 40 passes by Arkansas, oh and a huge win for Florida.
Not-Kansas 13
GO GATORS 50
ML
Arky 10
Gators 40
EGM
Hawgs 17
Gators 42
USC at Notre Dame (+12), 3:30
ML
Is this a must win for fat Chuck Weis? It sure is, since this is the best chance ND has to beat SC since Bob Davie was head coach. For the first time since that date, the Irish look to have more talent on offense, especially at QB, where Jimmy Clowson likes comebacks. It is strength against strength as fatass Charlie’s offense takes on that dashing cavalier Pete Carroll, and his talented defense. ND’s defense has managed to make everyone look good this year, and the absence of Michael Floyd makes their offense much easier to contain. It will come down to coaching, Carroll’s scheme will create some turnovers and Matt Barkley & Co. should put up enough points to cover this spread.
Trojans 28
Irish 14
CB
West Coast Cheatin’ 36
The Licker’s 1st Team 25
EGM
So Cal 31
No. Indiana 21
UAB at Ole Miss (-22), 7:00
EGM
Ole Miss is sort the Oklahoma of the SEC with one huge exception. They have Jevan Snead instead of Sam Bradford. I’m surprised that Nutt hasn’t gone back to the Wildcat much like his Arkansas days when Mitch “Best Recruit Ever” Mustain and Casey Dick were at the helm. Is Snead better than those two? I don’t think we can answer that question yet. After all, that Arkansas team went to the SEC Championship and was winning that game into the fourth quarter. Ole Miss beat a gimmicky Tejas Tech team in the Cotton Bowl. That’s an accomplishment worth of a free Grand Slam at Denny’s. Perhaps that can eat that Grand Slam after they celebrate an average win over an average UAB team. All of those things just seem to fit together.
Blazers 13
Rebs 30
CB
This 5 Points is Lame 14
Rebels Revenge 45
ML
Blaze it 6
Rebz 41
Kentucky at Auburn (-12.5), 7:30
ML
Both these teams had tough losses last week. The hapless Kats lost their pathetic quarterback last week and now have to play some clown he beat out for the starting role. Predictably, the Tigers paws were caught in a trap in Fayetteville after receiving some accolades. Obviously it wasn’t that predictable, as this moron picked them to cover. I see them bouncing back to redeem themselves and yours truly against the wounded Wildcats.
KY 13
AU 34
CB
Blue Grass Smokin’ 9
The Dream is Over 25
EGM
Cats Rebuilding again? 17
Plainsmen 31
South Carolina at Alabama (-17), 7:45
CB
A short trip back to Tuscaloosa from Oxford and the Tide are gearing up for what COULD be a great game. Spurrier has all but called this the Gamecocks marquee game of the year, so it appears that they are aiming at spoiling homecoming for Saban and crew. How did that sound? Did I get you believing that this game was gonna be close, or even a road win for the Ol’ Ball Coach? HAHA! Sure Bama’s gonna start off slow maybe punt a few times early, but seriously, unless they are completely unprepared for this game, the Tide aren’t going to struggle for long. There’s a script for their games. Run, run, incomplete, punt. Do that for the first quarter, then BOOM, 56 yard run by Ingram. Interception returned for a touchdown, McElroy to Jones for a 40 yard bomb, and the rout is on. Sorry Stevie, you’re team may keep your visor on your head for a bit, but after a few rounds with the Crimson, the Cocks won’t be able to keep up…
Cawks 22
Tiiiiiiiiide 44
ML
Cocky 14
Pachy 24
EGM
Cocks 13
Bamer 17
Tennessee - OFF
ML
First SEC win for Kiffin last week….I hope he celebrates by watching me bang his wife.
LSU - OFF
The Dinnercruise Gambler Strikes
First, the all good news from the Casino. The Harrah’s New Orleans Casino is very good to me. It has been the site of several fun and profitable nights, including the blackout incident of 2001 where I came out $1,400 ahead. On this trip, it was mostly craps. (Name redacted) went on a 25-minute heater.
At one point this LSU coon-ass and his peanut gallery get up to shoot. No lie, he shot for 42 minutes, made 8 points, and everyone a ton of money. He and I shed all LSU-UF hatred during these rolls. Overall, my best guess is that I won about $350 on the trip.
Scorched Earth
As soon as we arrived, it was clear that the tailgating situation was going to limited and crazy. There had been an inch of rain the day before, and the entire campus had a half inch of muck on it. Many LSU girls and guys were wearing galoshes or duck hunting boots. We had to relocate everything from our parking spot to a ridge near a sidewalk. Some solid pre-drinking took place. LSU fans were bad, as usual. General Order #1853 “Scorched Earth Tailgating” was enforced with extreme abandon. My favorite move was to just drop whatever I was holding when I was done.
The He-coon Talks Trash
Plenty of jawing off. Some interesting things happened with that:
• Two LSU tailgates broke out in a giant fight with each other. They were set up in a real muddy area. Some of the girls were fighting each other in the mud, so we got free show. Later we found out that a lesbian girl had been making out with her girlfriend’s brother. This sparked a fight between the two HIGH SCHOOLS that were out tailgating the game.
• I was getting some trash talk from a real bumpkin who was wearing rubber boots. After he said his bit, I threw two quarters at the ground in front of him and said “Here’s 50 cents, go buy yourself some proper shoes, on me.” He got pissed at this, but his friends were laughing at the joke so he had no backup. He said something about my momma, to which I replied: “your broke ass should pick up my charity quarters.” And here is the best part- he picked them up. This was the closest to fighting I came that day.
• “Go home Gators!” reply: “I can’t wait”
• “This is our house!” reply: “Your house is a giant shithole.
When we returned to NO, the van was completely trashed, tire slashed, wheel underinflated, seats broken, cigar smoke. We might be on the hook for some extra cleanup fees.
Well I’m glad I was right to talk about the Gator defense in last week’s edition, but I’m sorry to say that the score I picked was atrocious. I had a great feeling that we would cover and I knew we had it in us to virtually shut down the Tiger offense, but I can’t tell you how impressed I was in our effort. In other news, the former guest Bourbon Boy, The Dinnercruise Gambler, struck again in N’awlins and to salute the weekend, I decided to include a (heavily) edited recap of the trip. Anyways, Gators got homecoming this weekend against an (albeit) unranked, but quite interesting Arkansas squad, I would say its time for the Gators to “open-up” the offense a bit. P.S. don’t you feel like you need a poncho just LISTENING to Lou Holth on TV?
Malt Licker
If any of you are wondering why we did not have all the games posted before the illustrious USF Cincinnati matchup, point the finger at me. I figured you would rather admire Jim Leavitt’s lovely blonde locks, than have to try to decipher Cuzzin’ Bailey’s “writing.” He’s such a wordsmith you may need a thesaurus, and I figured our readers would be more inclined to have one at work. Anyway, the Gators conservatized their way to a 15th consecutive victory and are in firm control of the SEC. If the Gators offense tried to buy an NFL team, there is no doubt that sports “journalists” would run completely fabricated quotes to scuttle their bid.
El Gran Mono
Last week in the SEC, the four major games resulted in three blowouts and one defensive barn burner. Two of the blowouts were authored by previously winless-in-the-SEC teams Arkansas and Tennessee. The Tennessee blowout was surprising not only in the final score but also in the methodology, namely Jonathan Crapton throwing for over three hundred yards. LSU-UF ended up almost exactly as Vegas expected minus the addition of a few extra scores. LSU clearly can’t play much offense and both teams proved they could play defense. The main story of this week is whether team like Arkansas can continue their good play against the top of the conference not just the a “resurgent” team. Enjoy the three “Games of the Week” outside of the SEC.
October 17, 2009
Oklahoma v. Texas (-3), 12
EGM
This was the game on the cover of all the magazines in the preseason: McCoy v. Bradford, THE BIG 12 SHOOTOUT!!, Queers v. Steers. Wait a second, isn’t Big 12 shootout a mildly redundant phrase?
The two losses from Jokelahom definitely downgrades the caliber of this game but after watching Tejas play a few times I’m not so sure they are that great either. I think if they would have played the Mormons and the Thugs from Miami they would have at least one loss. Their offense is almost entirely one dimensional (i.e. Colt McCoy) and their defense is meh. Sure they lead the country in rush defense but look at who they have played (the same can be said for the Gators as well). I really like Oklahoma’s chances in this game. In fact, I fully expect some Sam Bradford revenge. Colt McCoy apparently “deserves” the Heisman after his season last year but Bradford is clearly the better player (better arm, better pocket awareness, better accuracy). McCoy doesn’t suck but he won’t be good enough to beat Bradford for a second year. Memo to Bob Stoops, don’t run any fake punts or fake field goals.
Boomer Sooner 34
Tejas 30
CB
Oklahomo 34
Tejas 45
ML
Boomer 13
Bevo 31
Georgia at Vanderbilt (+7.5), 12:21
CB
Well, a week ago, I would have been marginally interested in this match up because it would give us a look into how UGA can perform against a struggling but (maybe) hungry weaker SEC program. That was before both teams lost to shitbox ones this past weekend. The Dawgs went up the Knoxvegas and laid a total egg, and Schmandie went to visit Army and lost in OT. Just embarrassing. Actually I don’t know which was worse? I mean I knew that Georgia wasn’t good, but that game last weekend was humiliating. They didn’t score an offensive touchdown and didn’t get past the UT 30 (something). God I can’t wait for the Cocktail Party.
Juhjah 33
Nerd Alert 21
ML
Lost to Crapton 24
Lost to Army 10
EGM
Dawgs 27
Dores 10
Mississippi State at Middle Tennessee State (+4), 12:30
ML
I was waiting all year for this one! The pride of Murfreesboro! MTSU’s Blue Raiders, host the Bulldogs at Johnny “Red” Floyd Stadium. Dan Mullen’s Dogs let the SEC, and EGM, down last week with a loss at home to Houston. This should be another tight contest and they need to win, because they face a complete dismantling next week. All I know about the Raiders is they had a pretty good band in 1999, and like to throw the ball a lot in 2009.
Road Dogs 34
Red’s Raiders 24
CB
Road Dogs 35
MTSU 17
EGM
SEC 31
Sun Belt 21
Arkansas at Florida -24 CB, 3:30
CB
LSU BLEAUXS! Man I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to say that without sounding like a sore loser. Not that I even imagined what it was going to be like if we had lost to those terrible Tigers (Terrible as in bad, not frightening). Anyways, I’m sure you’re sick of hearing how great the Gators are and how much I love them, so I think its time to talk about this game. The Razorbax aren’t God awful this year. They actually have a pretty decent quick strike offense. If the Gators overlook this team, I will be greatly disappointed. Sure they got completely shut down by Bama, but last weekend they totally throttled the second best team in AL. Hopefully we can take a page out of the non-scumbag team from the “Heart of Dixie.” I think the Backs are gonna try their stock “throw, throw, then maybe run” game (Mallet is averaging 32 pass attempts/game), which should play right into the Gators hands. I predict 3 picks by the UF secondary, at least 40 passes by Arkansas, oh and a huge win for Florida.
Not-Kansas 13
GO GATORS 50
ML
Arky 10
Gators 40
EGM
Hawgs 17
Gators 42
USC at Notre Dame (+12), 3:30
ML
Is this a must win for fat Chuck Weis? It sure is, since this is the best chance ND has to beat SC since Bob Davie was head coach. For the first time since that date, the Irish look to have more talent on offense, especially at QB, where Jimmy Clowson likes comebacks. It is strength against strength as fatass Charlie’s offense takes on that dashing cavalier Pete Carroll, and his talented defense. ND’s defense has managed to make everyone look good this year, and the absence of Michael Floyd makes their offense much easier to contain. It will come down to coaching, Carroll’s scheme will create some turnovers and Matt Barkley & Co. should put up enough points to cover this spread.
Trojans 28
Irish 14
CB
West Coast Cheatin’ 36
The Licker’s 1st Team 25
EGM
So Cal 31
No. Indiana 21
UAB at Ole Miss (-22), 7:00
EGM
Ole Miss is sort the Oklahoma of the SEC with one huge exception. They have Jevan Snead instead of Sam Bradford. I’m surprised that Nutt hasn’t gone back to the Wildcat much like his Arkansas days when Mitch “Best Recruit Ever” Mustain and Casey Dick were at the helm. Is Snead better than those two? I don’t think we can answer that question yet. After all, that Arkansas team went to the SEC Championship and was winning that game into the fourth quarter. Ole Miss beat a gimmicky Tejas Tech team in the Cotton Bowl. That’s an accomplishment worth of a free Grand Slam at Denny’s. Perhaps that can eat that Grand Slam after they celebrate an average win over an average UAB team. All of those things just seem to fit together.
Blazers 13
Rebs 30
CB
This 5 Points is Lame 14
Rebels Revenge 45
ML
Blaze it 6
Rebz 41
Kentucky at Auburn (-12.5), 7:30
ML
Both these teams had tough losses last week. The hapless Kats lost their pathetic quarterback last week and now have to play some clown he beat out for the starting role. Predictably, the Tigers paws were caught in a trap in Fayetteville after receiving some accolades. Obviously it wasn’t that predictable, as this moron picked them to cover. I see them bouncing back to redeem themselves and yours truly against the wounded Wildcats.
KY 13
AU 34
CB
Blue Grass Smokin’ 9
The Dream is Over 25
EGM
Cats Rebuilding again? 17
Plainsmen 31
South Carolina at Alabama (-17), 7:45
CB
A short trip back to Tuscaloosa from Oxford and the Tide are gearing up for what COULD be a great game. Spurrier has all but called this the Gamecocks marquee game of the year, so it appears that they are aiming at spoiling homecoming for Saban and crew. How did that sound? Did I get you believing that this game was gonna be close, or even a road win for the Ol’ Ball Coach? HAHA! Sure Bama’s gonna start off slow maybe punt a few times early, but seriously, unless they are completely unprepared for this game, the Tide aren’t going to struggle for long. There’s a script for their games. Run, run, incomplete, punt. Do that for the first quarter, then BOOM, 56 yard run by Ingram. Interception returned for a touchdown, McElroy to Jones for a 40 yard bomb, and the rout is on. Sorry Stevie, you’re team may keep your visor on your head for a bit, but after a few rounds with the Crimson, the Cocks won’t be able to keep up…
Cawks 22
Tiiiiiiiiide 44
ML
Cocky 14
Pachy 24
EGM
Cocks 13
Bamer 17
Tennessee - OFF
ML
First SEC win for Kiffin last week….I hope he celebrates by watching me bang his wife.
LSU - OFF
The Dinnercruise Gambler Strikes
First, the all good news from the Casino. The Harrah’s New Orleans Casino is very good to me. It has been the site of several fun and profitable nights, including the blackout incident of 2001 where I came out $1,400 ahead. On this trip, it was mostly craps. (Name redacted) went on a 25-minute heater.
At one point this LSU coon-ass and his peanut gallery get up to shoot. No lie, he shot for 42 minutes, made 8 points, and everyone a ton of money. He and I shed all LSU-UF hatred during these rolls. Overall, my best guess is that I won about $350 on the trip.
Scorched Earth
As soon as we arrived, it was clear that the tailgating situation was going to limited and crazy. There had been an inch of rain the day before, and the entire campus had a half inch of muck on it. Many LSU girls and guys were wearing galoshes or duck hunting boots. We had to relocate everything from our parking spot to a ridge near a sidewalk. Some solid pre-drinking took place. LSU fans were bad, as usual. General Order #1853 “Scorched Earth Tailgating” was enforced with extreme abandon. My favorite move was to just drop whatever I was holding when I was done.
The He-coon Talks Trash
Plenty of jawing off. Some interesting things happened with that:
• Two LSU tailgates broke out in a giant fight with each other. They were set up in a real muddy area. Some of the girls were fighting each other in the mud, so we got free show. Later we found out that a lesbian girl had been making out with her girlfriend’s brother. This sparked a fight between the two HIGH SCHOOLS that were out tailgating the game.
• I was getting some trash talk from a real bumpkin who was wearing rubber boots. After he said his bit, I threw two quarters at the ground in front of him and said “Here’s 50 cents, go buy yourself some proper shoes, on me.” He got pissed at this, but his friends were laughing at the joke so he had no backup. He said something about my momma, to which I replied: “your broke ass should pick up my charity quarters.” And here is the best part- he picked them up. This was the closest to fighting I came that day.
• “Go home Gators!” reply: “I can’t wait”
• “This is our house!” reply: “Your house is a giant shithole.
When we returned to NO, the van was completely trashed, tire slashed, wheel underinflated, seats broken, cigar smoke. We might be on the hook for some extra cleanup fees.
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week VII
October 15, 2009
Cincinnati at USF (+3), 7:30
EGM
The Big East showdown of the year...until one of these teams plays West Virginia or Pitt. Just thinking about those four teams makes me realize how the Big East is superior to the ACC.
Cincy has two likely first round picks in Tony Pike and Mardy Gilyard. Usf has two future NFL defensive ends in George Selvie and Jason Pierre Paul. Other than those players and USF's averagish frosh qb there isn't much to say about these teams. I imagine that USF will have difficulty running and throwing the football just because offense isn’t their “thing.” Perhaps Jim Leavitt has yet to headbutt a concrete wall enough times to figure out “offense.” Something tells me it doesn’t work that way anways. Meanwhile, despite USF ineptitude in the offensive arts, I’m betting they’ll get a defensive score to keep this one close until the fourth quarter. Cincy had big trouble with Va Tech’s defense last year and I’m sure USF will have watched those tapes. Unfortunately, they don’t have the same caliber of players to execute that game pla
Bearcats 24
Bulls 14
CB
Cincy 24
EwSef 25
ML
What's a Bearcat? 31
Tougher than a Bull 20
Cincinnati at USF (+3), 7:30
EGM
The Big East showdown of the year...until one of these teams plays West Virginia or Pitt. Just thinking about those four teams makes me realize how the Big East is superior to the ACC.
Cincy has two likely first round picks in Tony Pike and Mardy Gilyard. Usf has two future NFL defensive ends in George Selvie and Jason Pierre Paul. Other than those players and USF's averagish frosh qb there isn't much to say about these teams. I imagine that USF will have difficulty running and throwing the football just because offense isn’t their “thing.” Perhaps Jim Leavitt has yet to headbutt a concrete wall enough times to figure out “offense.” Something tells me it doesn’t work that way anways. Meanwhile, despite USF ineptitude in the offensive arts, I’m betting they’ll get a defensive score to keep this one close until the fourth quarter. Cincy had big trouble with Va Tech’s defense last year and I’m sure USF will have watched those tapes. Unfortunately, they don’t have the same caliber of players to execute that game pla
Bearcats 24
Bulls 14
CB
Cincy 24
EwSef 25
ML
What's a Bearcat? 31
Tougher than a Bull 20
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week VI
El Gran Mono
Hands down, this is easily the best week in the SEC so far. I’m sure it would have been more prestigious in the eyes of the MSM if Ole Miss had not lost to the Cocks. However, reason alone says there was no chance Ole Miss was running through the SEC without three losses (including the impending loss to Bama). I think there is another “big” game on Saturday but I’ll leave that for later…
Happy B-Day to the Cuz!
Cuzzin’ Bailey
So I honestly thought if I waited long enough in the week I would have some news about Tebow to report and comment on…I was wrong. It totally looks like its gonna be a game-time decision and that’s cool, I’m totally confident in Brantley starting his first game ever in Death Valley at NIGHT (he says, completely full of shit). Anyways, huge group of friends heading to N’awlins minus me, I guess since I just left the dirty 30 club I have to tone down my antics…anyways, pretty good weekend of CFB we have in the SEC…I’ll just limp my old ass over to the picks section…
Malt Licker
Big Game WEEKEND!!!! Many of our loyal readers have made the trek to coonass land, and will no doubt get lubed up on Hurricanes and Hand Grenades. It’s almost a full slate of SEC action, with the night cap staking claim to game of the year. I hope all the players realize that whenever they score they should place the ball on the ground, run toward their own sideline, and avoid eye contact with everyone. Anything else would be excessive and might merit a suspension. The rest of the country has nothing else going on, so we tripled up on the game of the week like its last name is Tequila.
Auburn at Arkansas (+3), 12
ML
Major trap game for the Plainsmen, they are 5-0 and riding high after taking it to the Vols last week, and are 5th in the nation in yards per game. Unfortunately, Auburn’s trademark tough defense has not arrived yet, as they gave up 400+ yard to Crapton and Co. The Hawgs represented for the SEC by slaughtering the Aggies in Dallas. I see a lot of points this week. If Arkansas can contain Ben Tate and Onterio McCalebb, they could cover and win out right. Unfortunately they don’t have any players with misspelled Canadian provinces for first names.
Onterio Rules 38
Suh-Skatchyujuan drools 30
EGM
Plainsmen 28
Hawgs 35
CB
Orburn 23
Arkansizzle 24
Vandy at Army (+10.5), 12
ML
Boy….you can tell who had the last pick this week. I hate writing about Vanderbilt; there is nothing new or interesting to say. Pretty apropos, as there is nothing new or interesting about this pretentious university. I wish UF could play at Army; I’d love to watch a game at West Point. I hope the Cadets don’t think the Dores are what the SEC is all about. They are too smart for that.
Dores 21
Cadets 14
EGM
Dores 24
Black Knights 10
ML
Schmandy 34
ARMY 21
Georgia at Tennessee (Pk), 12:21
EGM
We have certainly reached the moment when we can definitively state that SEC officials are as bad or worse than ACC officials. And that’s pretty shitty folks. See 2002 FL-FSU as an exemplar if you need reminding. And for the SEC, see UGA-LSU. That said, if Georgia tackles a little better this wouldn’t have been an issue.
Against the Plainsmen, the Vols once again proved they have no ability to pass. Hardesty is definitely a stud but Georgia should be smart enough to sniff that action out. Meanwhile, Joe Cox has had problems of his own. Sometimes he misses receivers by 20 ft and at other times he hits receivers in stride 30 yards downfield. If Georgia’s running game was more consistent then I would predict them to win by at least ten. Lane Kiffin is so good he has yet to win an SEC game. Maybe he’ll shout down the AD for not scheduling Vandy and Kentucky earlier in the season.
Road Dawgs 21
Ofer the SEC 17
CB
UGly 22
slUTs 21
ML
Uga 24
Smokey 13
Kentucky at South Carolina (-11.5), 12:30
CB
I love how USCe has totally separated themselves from the shit pile of the SEC East. Now when someone tells us Gator fans about how crappy our schedule is, the Gamecocks are the LAST team they mention! Congrats, you are now the best of the crummy teams that UF plays. What to say here…UK’s QB Hartline is just ridiculously terrible and the ‘Cocks’ Garcia es bien. This will be the 3rd straight decent to great defense that the ‘Cats have faced in as many weeks (this one being on the “decent” side), so while you can look for the late scoring drive or the missed assignment(s) keeping Kensucky in this one, I think we might (just might) see Spur-Dawg open up a can of whoop-ass…not a big can, but one of those single-serving cans you find in the lunchables aisle…
UKizzle 14
Sorth Caroline 26
EGM
Kats 13
Cocks 24
ML
Tucky 14
Cockalacky 31
Houston at Mississippi State +3
EGM
How many out of conference games does Miss State play? It seems like light years since they blew the LSU game. The Coogs come into this game after getting plowed by UTEP. I think they gave up 400+ rushing yards and 50 points. Given the fact that UTEP completely blows, I think Miss State actually has a chance to win. Case Keenum is definitely a good player but he can’t play defense. I imagine this lack of defense will lead to a Tyson Lee/Anthony Dixon SEC Player of the Week award. Its hard to believe Miss State is getting three points after Houston showed their true colors.
Coogs 31
Other Dawgs 41
CB
Outta the 25 45
Mess State 17
ML
Cougs 24
MSU 14
Alabama at Ole Miss (+7), 3:30
CB
This is an interesting game, and I say that for a number of reasons, but for your reading enjoyment I’ll just breeze by a few of them. Number 1: while we’re picking this game at the opening line of 7, it has since dropped to 4.5. I’m not going to be stupid and imply that the gamblahs don’t know something I don’t, but I’m an ESPN.com whore and I haven’t heard shit. Number 2: this kind of correlates to the first one, I mean Ole Miss lost to USCe two weeks ago and “meh’ed” their way to a win AT Vandy last Saturday. While Bama has man-handled every team in their path since beating a good VT team at the beginning of the season. These two reasons make me wonder why the line/confidence in the Tide is dropping as the week progresses. I mean I get that Jevan Snead is good and that the Rebs were a team that took a lot of folks for surprise last year, but this new deflated line implies that I don’t know something (which is ridiculous). So I pulled my rabbit out of my hat and ran the numbers. Let’s see: Alabama has lost 3 games to Mississippi since 1992 (including a mysterious forfeit in ’93) but more recently, i.e. ’05 and up, the scores have all been 3 point Crimson wins with the exception of last year’s close 4 point vic in Tuscaloosa (I was there, very exciting). I think I know what’s going on here. Regardless of the talent, the Rebs come to play for this game, especially lately. SO after all that, I seriously haven’t learned anything. I’m just gonna say that I probably think that Bama will win, their defense is sick and their running game is scaring me as a Gator fan (and we aren’t gonna play them til December). It all comes down to Snead. If he can make his throws, and not play like punk he did in Columbia, this will be closer than the early spread, if he doesn’t come through, it’ll be close early, and then Bama will probably pull away…
Roll TIIIIIIIIIDE 28
Passin’ Rebs 20
EGM
Bama 21
Rebs 20
ML
Satan 31
Nutt 28
Florida at LSU (+8.5), 8
EGM
Will Timmy play? I think not. The guy couldn’t watch TV until earlier this week let alone run people over. Johnny Brantley is a capable backup and should be a capable steward of the offense. The real story in this game. will Jordan Jefferson throw three picks or four? The guy has one of the slowest deliveries outside of a Japanese pitcher that I’ve ever seen. That fact compounded with his penchant for locking on his receivers does not bode well for the Cajuns. I’m sure any LSU fan is probably worked up after the Jefferson hate and is now saying things like “what about our defense?” and “Rahim Alem!”. I hate (love) bursting that bubble but LSU’s defense is not that great. They have serious issues stopping the run and have no pass rush. See Miss State game.
The story before the game will focus entirely on Tebow but the Gators defense and ball hawking secondary are the real story. LSU won’t put double digits on the board. Cuzzin’ “rag arm” Bailey could manage the Gators offense this week and they would still win. Eat the points even if its “at night”.
Gators 31
Tiggers 9
CB
I like this format. I like having the opportunity to talk about my Gators. My favorite line in the past two weeks has been this from a Tigah fan, “Personally, I hope Tebow plays so when yall lose, we won’t have hear none of that ‘oh if only he’d played’ crap.” Basically what that douchebag was saying was this, in between Cajun grumblings, “We KNOW we can’t beat yall unless da Son of da Lawd is riding da pine.” What we’ve got here is failure to communicate. Some Cajuns you just can’t reach, so you get what we got here, which is the way they want it, well, they get it. Tebow may or may not play, all I know is that now Les Miles is preparing for two different quarterbacks, so that might give us some kind of advantage. But the thing that has been completely overlooked with Concussion-Gate going on is the fact that we have a really f*cking good defense. I know LSU’s D is supposedly “good” as well, but they are the ones that almost got run out of the high school stadium aka Davis-Wade in Starkvegas. Hate to sound like a broken record, but this is another case where if the QB with the question mark by his name can make plays, but more importantly keep the mistakes to a minimum, it will change the entire dynamic of the game. If young Johnny Brantley can “Chris Leak” his way through this game, then we may have another quarterback controversy in Gainesville. Haha just kidding, but seriously, let’s win, after all, Purple shirt? Yellow britches? Go to hell you Cajun bitches!
GATORS! 30
LSU BLEAUXS 21
ML
Man o man, 2 years ago I made the trek to Nawlins and the Red Stick, only to watch LSU convert 9 consecutive 4th downs and sending our beloved Gators home with a heartbreaking loss. This year, we may have to go in without Superman. If we can shut down LSU’s run game and force Jefferson to throw the ball, our ball hawking secondary will take over the game. If Urban doesn’t think Tebow can play full bore, he shouldn’t play. I fully expect a raucous crowd, and an early break for the Tigers, if we can weather that storm, our talent on the lines should spell the difference, with or without Tebow.
Urban’s W 24
Les’ L 10
Hands down, this is easily the best week in the SEC so far. I’m sure it would have been more prestigious in the eyes of the MSM if Ole Miss had not lost to the Cocks. However, reason alone says there was no chance Ole Miss was running through the SEC without three losses (including the impending loss to Bama). I think there is another “big” game on Saturday but I’ll leave that for later…
Happy B-Day to the Cuz!
Cuzzin’ Bailey
So I honestly thought if I waited long enough in the week I would have some news about Tebow to report and comment on…I was wrong. It totally looks like its gonna be a game-time decision and that’s cool, I’m totally confident in Brantley starting his first game ever in Death Valley at NIGHT (he says, completely full of shit). Anyways, huge group of friends heading to N’awlins minus me, I guess since I just left the dirty 30 club I have to tone down my antics…anyways, pretty good weekend of CFB we have in the SEC…I’ll just limp my old ass over to the picks section…
Malt Licker
Big Game WEEKEND!!!! Many of our loyal readers have made the trek to coonass land, and will no doubt get lubed up on Hurricanes and Hand Grenades. It’s almost a full slate of SEC action, with the night cap staking claim to game of the year. I hope all the players realize that whenever they score they should place the ball on the ground, run toward their own sideline, and avoid eye contact with everyone. Anything else would be excessive and might merit a suspension. The rest of the country has nothing else going on, so we tripled up on the game of the week like its last name is Tequila.
Auburn at Arkansas (+3), 12
ML
Major trap game for the Plainsmen, they are 5-0 and riding high after taking it to the Vols last week, and are 5th in the nation in yards per game. Unfortunately, Auburn’s trademark tough defense has not arrived yet, as they gave up 400+ yard to Crapton and Co. The Hawgs represented for the SEC by slaughtering the Aggies in Dallas. I see a lot of points this week. If Arkansas can contain Ben Tate and Onterio McCalebb, they could cover and win out right. Unfortunately they don’t have any players with misspelled Canadian provinces for first names.
Onterio Rules 38
Suh-Skatchyujuan drools 30
EGM
Plainsmen 28
Hawgs 35
CB
Orburn 23
Arkansizzle 24
Vandy at Army (+10.5), 12
ML
Boy….you can tell who had the last pick this week. I hate writing about Vanderbilt; there is nothing new or interesting to say. Pretty apropos, as there is nothing new or interesting about this pretentious university. I wish UF could play at Army; I’d love to watch a game at West Point. I hope the Cadets don’t think the Dores are what the SEC is all about. They are too smart for that.
Dores 21
Cadets 14
EGM
Dores 24
Black Knights 10
ML
Schmandy 34
ARMY 21
Georgia at Tennessee (Pk), 12:21
EGM
We have certainly reached the moment when we can definitively state that SEC officials are as bad or worse than ACC officials. And that’s pretty shitty folks. See 2002 FL-FSU as an exemplar if you need reminding. And for the SEC, see UGA-LSU. That said, if Georgia tackles a little better this wouldn’t have been an issue.
Against the Plainsmen, the Vols once again proved they have no ability to pass. Hardesty is definitely a stud but Georgia should be smart enough to sniff that action out. Meanwhile, Joe Cox has had problems of his own. Sometimes he misses receivers by 20 ft and at other times he hits receivers in stride 30 yards downfield. If Georgia’s running game was more consistent then I would predict them to win by at least ten. Lane Kiffin is so good he has yet to win an SEC game. Maybe he’ll shout down the AD for not scheduling Vandy and Kentucky earlier in the season.
Road Dawgs 21
Ofer the SEC 17
CB
UGly 22
slUTs 21
ML
Uga 24
Smokey 13
Kentucky at South Carolina (-11.5), 12:30
CB
I love how USCe has totally separated themselves from the shit pile of the SEC East. Now when someone tells us Gator fans about how crappy our schedule is, the Gamecocks are the LAST team they mention! Congrats, you are now the best of the crummy teams that UF plays. What to say here…UK’s QB Hartline is just ridiculously terrible and the ‘Cocks’ Garcia es bien. This will be the 3rd straight decent to great defense that the ‘Cats have faced in as many weeks (this one being on the “decent” side), so while you can look for the late scoring drive or the missed assignment(s) keeping Kensucky in this one, I think we might (just might) see Spur-Dawg open up a can of whoop-ass…not a big can, but one of those single-serving cans you find in the lunchables aisle…
UKizzle 14
Sorth Caroline 26
EGM
Kats 13
Cocks 24
ML
Tucky 14
Cockalacky 31
Houston at Mississippi State +3
EGM
How many out of conference games does Miss State play? It seems like light years since they blew the LSU game. The Coogs come into this game after getting plowed by UTEP. I think they gave up 400+ rushing yards and 50 points. Given the fact that UTEP completely blows, I think Miss State actually has a chance to win. Case Keenum is definitely a good player but he can’t play defense. I imagine this lack of defense will lead to a Tyson Lee/Anthony Dixon SEC Player of the Week award. Its hard to believe Miss State is getting three points after Houston showed their true colors.
Coogs 31
Other Dawgs 41
CB
Outta the 25 45
Mess State 17
ML
Cougs 24
MSU 14
Alabama at Ole Miss (+7), 3:30
CB
This is an interesting game, and I say that for a number of reasons, but for your reading enjoyment I’ll just breeze by a few of them. Number 1: while we’re picking this game at the opening line of 7, it has since dropped to 4.5. I’m not going to be stupid and imply that the gamblahs don’t know something I don’t, but I’m an ESPN.com whore and I haven’t heard shit. Number 2: this kind of correlates to the first one, I mean Ole Miss lost to USCe two weeks ago and “meh’ed” their way to a win AT Vandy last Saturday. While Bama has man-handled every team in their path since beating a good VT team at the beginning of the season. These two reasons make me wonder why the line/confidence in the Tide is dropping as the week progresses. I mean I get that Jevan Snead is good and that the Rebs were a team that took a lot of folks for surprise last year, but this new deflated line implies that I don’t know something (which is ridiculous). So I pulled my rabbit out of my hat and ran the numbers. Let’s see: Alabama has lost 3 games to Mississippi since 1992 (including a mysterious forfeit in ’93) but more recently, i.e. ’05 and up, the scores have all been 3 point Crimson wins with the exception of last year’s close 4 point vic in Tuscaloosa (I was there, very exciting). I think I know what’s going on here. Regardless of the talent, the Rebs come to play for this game, especially lately. SO after all that, I seriously haven’t learned anything. I’m just gonna say that I probably think that Bama will win, their defense is sick and their running game is scaring me as a Gator fan (and we aren’t gonna play them til December). It all comes down to Snead. If he can make his throws, and not play like punk he did in Columbia, this will be closer than the early spread, if he doesn’t come through, it’ll be close early, and then Bama will probably pull away…
Roll TIIIIIIIIIDE 28
Passin’ Rebs 20
EGM
Bama 21
Rebs 20
ML
Satan 31
Nutt 28
Florida at LSU (+8.5), 8
EGM
Will Timmy play? I think not. The guy couldn’t watch TV until earlier this week let alone run people over. Johnny Brantley is a capable backup and should be a capable steward of the offense. The real story in this game. will Jordan Jefferson throw three picks or four? The guy has one of the slowest deliveries outside of a Japanese pitcher that I’ve ever seen. That fact compounded with his penchant for locking on his receivers does not bode well for the Cajuns. I’m sure any LSU fan is probably worked up after the Jefferson hate and is now saying things like “what about our defense?” and “Rahim Alem!”. I hate (love) bursting that bubble but LSU’s defense is not that great. They have serious issues stopping the run and have no pass rush. See Miss State game.
The story before the game will focus entirely on Tebow but the Gators defense and ball hawking secondary are the real story. LSU won’t put double digits on the board. Cuzzin’ “rag arm” Bailey could manage the Gators offense this week and they would still win. Eat the points even if its “at night”.
Gators 31
Tiggers 9
CB
I like this format. I like having the opportunity to talk about my Gators. My favorite line in the past two weeks has been this from a Tigah fan, “Personally, I hope Tebow plays so when yall lose, we won’t have hear none of that ‘oh if only he’d played’ crap.” Basically what that douchebag was saying was this, in between Cajun grumblings, “We KNOW we can’t beat yall unless da Son of da Lawd is riding da pine.” What we’ve got here is failure to communicate. Some Cajuns you just can’t reach, so you get what we got here, which is the way they want it, well, they get it. Tebow may or may not play, all I know is that now Les Miles is preparing for two different quarterbacks, so that might give us some kind of advantage. But the thing that has been completely overlooked with Concussion-Gate going on is the fact that we have a really f*cking good defense. I know LSU’s D is supposedly “good” as well, but they are the ones that almost got run out of the high school stadium aka Davis-Wade in Starkvegas. Hate to sound like a broken record, but this is another case where if the QB with the question mark by his name can make plays, but more importantly keep the mistakes to a minimum, it will change the entire dynamic of the game. If young Johnny Brantley can “Chris Leak” his way through this game, then we may have another quarterback controversy in Gainesville. Haha just kidding, but seriously, let’s win, after all, Purple shirt? Yellow britches? Go to hell you Cajun bitches!
GATORS! 30
LSU BLEAUXS 21
ML
Man o man, 2 years ago I made the trek to Nawlins and the Red Stick, only to watch LSU convert 9 consecutive 4th downs and sending our beloved Gators home with a heartbreaking loss. This year, we may have to go in without Superman. If we can shut down LSU’s run game and force Jefferson to throw the ball, our ball hawking secondary will take over the game. If Urban doesn’t think Tebow can play full bore, he shouldn’t play. I fully expect a raucous crowd, and an early break for the Tigers, if we can weather that storm, our talent on the lines should spell the difference, with or without Tebow.
Urban’s W 24
Les’ L 10
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week V
ML
I don’t know about the rest of you, but my heart is finally out of the pit of my stomach. Watching Timmy knocked out like that scared the living hell out of me. I watched the games with my parents and my Mom kept saying, “look how his head snapped forward,” prompting me to bite her head off. Anyway, I know LSU is a big game, but we should be extra cautious and avoid rushing Tebow back, if he has another concussion shortly after this one it might end his career, not to mention ruin his quality of life. Luckily, our Gators are enjoying a much-needed week off. I hope Johnny Brantley is in the film room and showing his teammates that he can lead them into battle if needed. There are some big games in the SEC this week, so there will be plenty of football to watch
EGM
Back in the editor’s chair this week and feeling quite rested. The 6-3 record ATS doesn’t hurt either. Unfortunately, my colleagues decided to match my brilliance and prevented me from gaining further ground. Did you hear that Tim Tebow sustained a concussion? Yeah, me either.
Cuzzin Bailey
This is Cuzzin Bailey coming to you live from Gainesville, FL. Apparently, and I stress the word apparently, Tim Tebow was injured last weekend. I’m just reiterating this in case you haven’t heard the news. Psychotic fans were rejoicing everywhere this past Saturday as Tim lay on the bluegrass motionless (trust me, I saw that behavior here in ________, Fl). Anyways, that’s all behind me now. UF has a week off so there’s no need for me to go on an anti-Vol, or Tiger, or Dawg tirade at this point. But let me talk about something else that bothers me. When are you considered old enough to complain anonymously about your unruly apartment complex neighbors’ noise? I feel like a crotchety old man. Alright enough of that…here’s a quick rundown of what’s happening in college football: Looks like Sam Bradford is out this weekend, Alabama is good, LSU is not, Auburn is unproven and Lane Kiffin is still an asshole…on to the picks!
October 3, 2009
12:21pm
Alabama at Kentucky (+17)
CB
I wasn’t kidding when I said that Bama is good. They are really showing that the power run game is still a marquee form of offense. McElroy, the Tide QB, is proving that he is much more reliable than JP Wilson from last year, and while they may not come at you and lay down 31 points in the 1st quarter, they will probably put a bigger hurting on the defensive line than UF did. I would look for Alabama running back Ingram to have a big game with over 100 yards and 3 TDs, while the Cats still revel in their teams ability to finally get at Tebow, like it was catnip…
Tiiiiiiiiiiiide 40
Kensucky 3
ML
Rammer 30
Spanktucky 10
EGM
Bamer 31
KY 10
3:30pm
LSU at UGA (-2)
ML
Joe Cox and the Dawgs edged out ASU with a late field goal last week, and Les and the Bengals were lucky to escape Starkville unscathed. LSU is unlikely to look ahead to next week, as they are a slight underdog heading into Athens. It may boil down to Chad Jones vs. A.J. Green. Each player carried their teams to victory last week and the winner of that matchup will be crucial. Coach pRicht’s Bulldogs have been sloppy holding onto the ball this year, which must frustrate the balding coach. Anyone who’s ever seen him work at the Tifton rest stop knows how much values taking care of balls.
LSU 20
Our coach will lick you 17
EGM
Cajuns 17
Dawgs 24
CB
LSYOUSUCK 24
Ugh, a home loss 23
7:00pm
South Carolina State at South Carolina (NL)
EGM
South Carolina State may be a “new state of mind” according to their website but their football program stinks like old potatoes. Drunky Garcia could drink a gallon of Mickey’s Ice and still throw 3 touchys in this one.
HBC Style Bulldogs 3
Cocks 38
ML
Historically Black Bulldogs 3
Cocks 45
CB
Sorth Carolina Stizzle 6
Cocks Blow 40
Ole Miss at Vanderbilt (+9.5)
ML
After losing last Thursday, Houston’s boys had an extra 2 days to lick their wounds and think about the loss to SC. The Jevan Snead Heisman Campaign and the Rebs’ top five status fell victim to the ESPN Thursday night curse. Now they find themselves out of the top 20 and looking to rebound against the Dores. Meanwhile, Vandy finds itself in a familiar position, the bottom of the SEC. They “kept it close” against LSU and Miss. State. You know your program has low expectations when a loss to MSU at home is anything other than an embarrassment.
Miss 28
Vandy 10
EGM
Rebs 37
Dores 13
CB
Ole Miss 31
Vandahbelt 20
7:30pm
Georgia Tech at Mississippi State (+4)
EGM
My comments about Ga Tech’s offense caused some serious backlash from our number one Yellow Jacket reader/supporter. Perhaps, the true revenge came when I was stung about 15 times by Yellow Jackets in my back yard about a month ago. If Georgia Tech had a better defense I would have taken this event as a sign of a possible national championship run.
This year I have much more respect for the Tech wicked running attack. Despite that respect, Miss State appears to be much improved under Mullen and should stay closer than last year…and by closer I mean 8-10 points.
We like to run 28
We like to lose 20
ML
Tech 28
State 20
CB
Smart People in GA? 34
Mess State 20
Arkansas at Texas A&M (+2)
ML
Remember the days of the ol’ South West Conference? Where every coach was crooked and they all ran the wishbone? Now these two teams bring their fancy passing offenses to Jerry Jones’ state of the art new stadium. Did you hear Jerry Jones has a new stadium? Apparently it has a really big scoreboard too. Aren’t you glad I’m here? You probably would not have heard about it. The Aggies are undefeated, but the meat of their schedule starts this week, as they look to gig the hawgs with their spread-read option attack. Coach Petrino, aka “the Soul-less One” needs to bounce back after a big L in Tuscaloosa. If they can eliminate the big play, they should be able to edge the Aggies and make Mr. Jones a happy man.
Sooey 34
Gig-less 20
EGM
Hawgs 28
Ags 24
CB
Abandon Ark 35
Arts & Musicians? 17
7:45pm
Auburn at Tennessee (-2)
CB
I can’t tell you how happy I am that I get to be the one that writes about this game. These are two of my most hated team s in the SEC. But to be legit for a few seconds, I’ll talk about the game. Here are my impressions from looking at the numbers (my favorite way of picking): Looks like Aubs has a pretty good offense and UT has a great defense. It seems as though its possible to score on the Tigers, but are we talking about UT running the football 50 times in order to notch 30+ points? I don’t see that happening. I also don’t see a point in giving the Vuls any cred for home field advantage. They lost to UCLA in Neyland Stadium for God’s sake. I think that UT’s O hasn’t gotten that much better and I further believe that Auburn is better than most folks give them credit for…Here are the two scenarios I envision. 1) Auburn tosses the rock around but makes some costly turnovers early and never recovers as UT pounces on them quick, or 2) The Tigers still play pretty wide open without allowing those TOs and sends the Vols Navy back to their riverside trailer parks a few hours earlier than they expected…hard to root for either occurrence, but since Kiffin is probably the anti-Christ, I’ll “support” Auburn this time only…
Aubbie belongs in a zoo 23
Hate UT 13
ML
Tigers 24
Vols 20
EGM
Plainsmen 24
Vols 13
CB
Florida – OFF
And now I get write about my favorite team in the SEC. Here’s what I have learned in the past week: Regardless about how much folks hate UF and Tim Tebow, I never expected to see and hear celebration when there was a chance he was paralyzed, laying there on the field. It really surprised me. Anyways, with the possibility that TT won’t be cleared for next week’s game, it may be Johnny Brantley time (one year early). I don’t think I’m necessarily worried about his abilities. He’s got a heck of an arm and doesn’t seem like anything on earth bothers him, but its that damn streak of LSU’s that is pissing me off. They haven’t lost a home night game since like 05? That game seems like a time when we would need all our top guys and all of ‘em playing their top game…I guess we’ll just have to see what happens this week if we really need to consider LSU a “test.” Til then, GO GATORS, bury the rest.
Game of the Week
8:00
Oklahoma at Miami (+7.5)
EGM
And reality cometh to my Alma Mater of lesser note. Did Miami fans really think they were going to kick ass in Blacksburg? No one does that, let alone teams that have 250 lbs DTs. Beamer ball and a strong running game were too strong for the Canes. Jacory Harris also looked like the young, erratic QB that he truly is.
Seven and half is always a scary line but I think Vegas is trying to scare people away from Oklahoma. The Sooners have a much improved defense and their offense appears to be clicking again. Landry Jones can sling it around a little and the Sooners big, albeit young OL, should push around the small Miami DL. Demarco Murray and Chris Brown should run wild.
To sum it up, this game won’t be close. The Sooners defense and offense is dramatically better than Va Tech’s. My dog says this is the Bone Cold Lock of the week.
Boomer Sooner 41
Canes 13
ML
Boomer Sooner 34
Down and Coked out 20
CB
Dust Bowl 24
Coke Bowl 27
I don’t know about the rest of you, but my heart is finally out of the pit of my stomach. Watching Timmy knocked out like that scared the living hell out of me. I watched the games with my parents and my Mom kept saying, “look how his head snapped forward,” prompting me to bite her head off. Anyway, I know LSU is a big game, but we should be extra cautious and avoid rushing Tebow back, if he has another concussion shortly after this one it might end his career, not to mention ruin his quality of life. Luckily, our Gators are enjoying a much-needed week off. I hope Johnny Brantley is in the film room and showing his teammates that he can lead them into battle if needed. There are some big games in the SEC this week, so there will be plenty of football to watch
EGM
Back in the editor’s chair this week and feeling quite rested. The 6-3 record ATS doesn’t hurt either. Unfortunately, my colleagues decided to match my brilliance and prevented me from gaining further ground. Did you hear that Tim Tebow sustained a concussion? Yeah, me either.
Cuzzin Bailey
This is Cuzzin Bailey coming to you live from Gainesville, FL. Apparently, and I stress the word apparently, Tim Tebow was injured last weekend. I’m just reiterating this in case you haven’t heard the news. Psychotic fans were rejoicing everywhere this past Saturday as Tim lay on the bluegrass motionless (trust me, I saw that behavior here in ________, Fl). Anyways, that’s all behind me now. UF has a week off so there’s no need for me to go on an anti-Vol, or Tiger, or Dawg tirade at this point. But let me talk about something else that bothers me. When are you considered old enough to complain anonymously about your unruly apartment complex neighbors’ noise? I feel like a crotchety old man. Alright enough of that…here’s a quick rundown of what’s happening in college football: Looks like Sam Bradford is out this weekend, Alabama is good, LSU is not, Auburn is unproven and Lane Kiffin is still an asshole…on to the picks!
October 3, 2009
12:21pm
Alabama at Kentucky (+17)
CB
I wasn’t kidding when I said that Bama is good. They are really showing that the power run game is still a marquee form of offense. McElroy, the Tide QB, is proving that he is much more reliable than JP Wilson from last year, and while they may not come at you and lay down 31 points in the 1st quarter, they will probably put a bigger hurting on the defensive line than UF did. I would look for Alabama running back Ingram to have a big game with over 100 yards and 3 TDs, while the Cats still revel in their teams ability to finally get at Tebow, like it was catnip…
Tiiiiiiiiiiiide 40
Kensucky 3
ML
Rammer 30
Spanktucky 10
EGM
Bamer 31
KY 10
3:30pm
LSU at UGA (-2)
ML
Joe Cox and the Dawgs edged out ASU with a late field goal last week, and Les and the Bengals were lucky to escape Starkville unscathed. LSU is unlikely to look ahead to next week, as they are a slight underdog heading into Athens. It may boil down to Chad Jones vs. A.J. Green. Each player carried their teams to victory last week and the winner of that matchup will be crucial. Coach pRicht’s Bulldogs have been sloppy holding onto the ball this year, which must frustrate the balding coach. Anyone who’s ever seen him work at the Tifton rest stop knows how much values taking care of balls.
LSU 20
Our coach will lick you 17
EGM
Cajuns 17
Dawgs 24
CB
LSYOUSUCK 24
Ugh, a home loss 23
7:00pm
South Carolina State at South Carolina (NL)
EGM
South Carolina State may be a “new state of mind” according to their website but their football program stinks like old potatoes. Drunky Garcia could drink a gallon of Mickey’s Ice and still throw 3 touchys in this one.
HBC Style Bulldogs 3
Cocks 38
ML
Historically Black Bulldogs 3
Cocks 45
CB
Sorth Carolina Stizzle 6
Cocks Blow 40
Ole Miss at Vanderbilt (+9.5)
ML
After losing last Thursday, Houston’s boys had an extra 2 days to lick their wounds and think about the loss to SC. The Jevan Snead Heisman Campaign and the Rebs’ top five status fell victim to the ESPN Thursday night curse. Now they find themselves out of the top 20 and looking to rebound against the Dores. Meanwhile, Vandy finds itself in a familiar position, the bottom of the SEC. They “kept it close” against LSU and Miss. State. You know your program has low expectations when a loss to MSU at home is anything other than an embarrassment.
Miss 28
Vandy 10
EGM
Rebs 37
Dores 13
CB
Ole Miss 31
Vandahbelt 20
7:30pm
Georgia Tech at Mississippi State (+4)
EGM
My comments about Ga Tech’s offense caused some serious backlash from our number one Yellow Jacket reader/supporter. Perhaps, the true revenge came when I was stung about 15 times by Yellow Jackets in my back yard about a month ago. If Georgia Tech had a better defense I would have taken this event as a sign of a possible national championship run.
This year I have much more respect for the Tech wicked running attack. Despite that respect, Miss State appears to be much improved under Mullen and should stay closer than last year…and by closer I mean 8-10 points.
We like to run 28
We like to lose 20
ML
Tech 28
State 20
CB
Smart People in GA? 34
Mess State 20
Arkansas at Texas A&M (+2)
ML
Remember the days of the ol’ South West Conference? Where every coach was crooked and they all ran the wishbone? Now these two teams bring their fancy passing offenses to Jerry Jones’ state of the art new stadium. Did you hear Jerry Jones has a new stadium? Apparently it has a really big scoreboard too. Aren’t you glad I’m here? You probably would not have heard about it. The Aggies are undefeated, but the meat of their schedule starts this week, as they look to gig the hawgs with their spread-read option attack. Coach Petrino, aka “the Soul-less One” needs to bounce back after a big L in Tuscaloosa. If they can eliminate the big play, they should be able to edge the Aggies and make Mr. Jones a happy man.
Sooey 34
Gig-less 20
EGM
Hawgs 28
Ags 24
CB
Abandon Ark 35
Arts & Musicians? 17
7:45pm
Auburn at Tennessee (-2)
CB
I can’t tell you how happy I am that I get to be the one that writes about this game. These are two of my most hated team s in the SEC. But to be legit for a few seconds, I’ll talk about the game. Here are my impressions from looking at the numbers (my favorite way of picking): Looks like Aubs has a pretty good offense and UT has a great defense. It seems as though its possible to score on the Tigers, but are we talking about UT running the football 50 times in order to notch 30+ points? I don’t see that happening. I also don’t see a point in giving the Vuls any cred for home field advantage. They lost to UCLA in Neyland Stadium for God’s sake. I think that UT’s O hasn’t gotten that much better and I further believe that Auburn is better than most folks give them credit for…Here are the two scenarios I envision. 1) Auburn tosses the rock around but makes some costly turnovers early and never recovers as UT pounces on them quick, or 2) The Tigers still play pretty wide open without allowing those TOs and sends the Vols Navy back to their riverside trailer parks a few hours earlier than they expected…hard to root for either occurrence, but since Kiffin is probably the anti-Christ, I’ll “support” Auburn this time only…
Aubbie belongs in a zoo 23
Hate UT 13
ML
Tigers 24
Vols 20
EGM
Plainsmen 24
Vols 13
CB
Florida – OFF
And now I get write about my favorite team in the SEC. Here’s what I have learned in the past week: Regardless about how much folks hate UF and Tim Tebow, I never expected to see and hear celebration when there was a chance he was paralyzed, laying there on the field. It really surprised me. Anyways, with the possibility that TT won’t be cleared for next week’s game, it may be Johnny Brantley time (one year early). I don’t think I’m necessarily worried about his abilities. He’s got a heck of an arm and doesn’t seem like anything on earth bothers him, but its that damn streak of LSU’s that is pissing me off. They haven’t lost a home night game since like 05? That game seems like a time when we would need all our top guys and all of ‘em playing their top game…I guess we’ll just have to see what happens this week if we really need to consider LSU a “test.” Til then, GO GATORS, bury the rest.
Game of the Week
8:00
Oklahoma at Miami (+7.5)
EGM
And reality cometh to my Alma Mater of lesser note. Did Miami fans really think they were going to kick ass in Blacksburg? No one does that, let alone teams that have 250 lbs DTs. Beamer ball and a strong running game were too strong for the Canes. Jacory Harris also looked like the young, erratic QB that he truly is.
Seven and half is always a scary line but I think Vegas is trying to scare people away from Oklahoma. The Sooners have a much improved defense and their offense appears to be clicking again. Landry Jones can sling it around a little and the Sooners big, albeit young OL, should push around the small Miami DL. Demarco Murray and Chris Brown should run wild.
To sum it up, this game won’t be close. The Sooners defense and offense is dramatically better than Va Tech’s. My dog says this is the Bone Cold Lock of the week.
Boomer Sooner 41
Canes 13
ML
Boomer Sooner 34
Down and Coked out 20
CB
Dust Bowl 24
Coke Bowl 27
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC Week IV
Cuzzin Bailey
Well…last weekend was case lesson in duality. On one hand, my guest Bourbon Girl and I had a great time in G-Ville tailgating with friends, drinking some beers, eating some bbq and getting hooked up with some cool-down time in the Letterman Club in the Swamp (thank you DinnerCruise Gambler!) That was the outstanding hand. On the other side, the Gators looked pretty pedestrian with their ball control/turnover game plan; the late TO by T-BOW made this game look closer than it actually was, (never did I actually think we would lose). However, we did win, Urb and Timmy are now undefeated against UT, the Gators are 3-0 and somehow Lane Kiffin is celebrating as if they won! HAHA Sorry, my affection for “moral victories” went the way of the Zooker. No such thing Laney. Yall lost, we won, more to come of both…
P.S. If you are reading this, be sure to add BourbonBoys Picks as a friend on Facebook!
Malt Licker
I’d like to thank Jimmy Carter for subbing in for me last week. I feel like a grenade went off inside my sinuses, so I wish he was here this week. Unfortunately, he is on a pilgrimage to the burial sites of Ho Chi Minh, Pol Pot and Chairman Mao. Speaking of pilgrimages, I made mine to Gainesville last week to watch Lil’ Lane and his boys “win” 13-23. Seriously, give me a break. Was Knoxville’s case of Phat Phil Fatigue so serious that they have no problem swallowing a 4-8 season? I must admit that the game revealed some chinks in the Gator armor. All we need is one of the young wide receivers to step up.
El Gran Mono
Given that I'm only miles from the home of Stonewall Jackson in my Shenandoah refuge, I'll keep things plain and simple just like Thomas Jackson himself.
Did all Gator fans want to win by 600 points last Saturday? Did Tennessee only want to compete? The answer to both questions is definitely "yes". However, despite the respective anger and happiness one truth remains, UF plays for titles and the Vols for bowl eligibility. Let the quests continue and the words diminish.
Thu 09/24
Mississippi at South Carolina (+3), 7:30
EGM
The Cocks are the first test for the overrated Rebs. Since when do SEC games of this magnitude get played on Thursday night? I thought that was reserved for the ACC Games of the Century.
The Cocks lost a heartbreaker two weeks ago but that game saw the emergence of Drunky Garcia. Spurdog can really do some damage with a talented QB who's not scared of the blitz.
Ole Miss has a good offense. And will put up some points but I doubt their untested and average defense will hold up. I'll take the cocks in a straight up W.
Rebs 24
Cocks 27
CB
Fever 34
Stever (that’s a stretch) 23
ML
Ole Piss 20
South Cackalacky 21
Sat 09/26
LSU at Mississippi State (+12.5), 12:20
EGM
After Miss State put down lowly Vandy last week, people are talking rejuvenation under Dan Mullen. What really needs rejuvenation is the Starkville bar scene. Perhaps CUzzin' Bailey could consult on such an operation.
I'm not sold on LSU as a great team and I'm not sold on Miss State as an average team. Jordan Jefferson is extremely raw and often goes with the tomato can approach to the passing game. This shadiness will keep the Dawgs in the game and cover quite easily.
Tigers 24
Dawgs 17
CB
Dirty Cajuns 35
Dirty Dogs 14
ML
Tigers 28
Piss St 14
Arkansas at Alabama (-17), 3:30
ML
So far this year, Ryan Mallett has been the Pinball Wizard to coach Petrino’s high scoring offense. ‘Bama may look the best out of SEC teams thus far. They roll into SEC play 3-0 and look to make an opening statement in the race for the Western division title. The Hogs have the 2nd ranked offense in the country and will put some points on the board, but they face the 3rd ranked defense in the nation. Bama will need to put up 20+ to win, and they need a healthy Julio Jones to make that happen.
Sooey 17
Tiiiiiiiiiide 38
CB
Razah Backs 13
Crimson Tiiide 40
EGM
Hawgs 20
Bamer 34
Florida at Kentucky (+21.5), 6
CB
Some genius sportswriter from the Gainesville Sun said it best, this is a great time for the Gators to hit the road, and if history is a teacher at all, this is a great opponent too. UF really needs to get out into the wild this weekend for a backyard brawl (in which they are heavily favored). I see that all my jokes about Ole Miss’ team coming down with the flu have come back and bit me on the buttocks. Fine, I apologize to the flu Gods! (except for that previous joke). Look, this is simple, either UF plays up to their potential, or they don’t. Either way its gonna take more than just two mistakes by Tebow to cost the Gators the game, but the real question (as it was last week) is whether or not UF is gonna put the Big Blue to bed early, or let them stay up to watch Carson. I say make it apparent early that the visitors are NOT in Lexington to ogle the blonde beyatches, but to get down to (football) business…
GO GATORS 42
Cowardly Cats 14
ML
Gatorzzzzzzz 44
Kats 9
EGM
Gators 60
Cats 10
Ohio at Tennessee (-21.5), 7
CB
First off, cheers to Kiffin Jr. It takes a REAL man to make fun of players with the flu. I mean I guess if you really are in charge of a team that sucks as bad as the Vuls, you pick your battles. Watch out all you senior citizens in Knoxville, seems like Lane is smelling blood in the water! My prediction is he goes after the blind next…Speaking of which, what do you think J. Crompton’s eyesight is like? Is he NOT the worst QB you have ever seen??? Anyways, word is, the Bobcats are actually coming to play this weekend (unlike the Vols offensive play callers last week, zing!). Tough Defense, marginal offense…haha which team am I talking about?? Frankly, UT’s RB Hardesty is pretty narsty and I think that even a poor day by Crompton won’t keep the Orange out of the W column…
BobCats 12
Pussies 30
ML
Bobcats 10
Douchebags 24
EGM
Bobcats 7
Vols. 24
Ball State at Auburn (-33)
ML
Letterman U visits the plains to take on the rejuvenated Tigers. Gene Chizik is riding the backs of his backs, Ben Tate and Onterio McCalebb, and is generating a buzz in Auburn. The Cardinals are one of the worst teams in Division I and are winless thus far. I could not be less interested in a game…
Gap Tooth U 3
War Eagle 45
CB
Ball Scraight 7
Opelika 50
EGM
Douche Hats 10
Plainsmen 49
Arizona State at Georgia (-12.5)
CB
I feel like I’m on Candid Camera or something. Why is UGA favored by 13 points here? I mean I understand that they have been in some shootouts lately, but one of them was against a pathetic South Carolina team! They have no defense, and ASU is ranked #1 in the nation in Defense. I’m looking for UGA to resort to actually playing some defense (if possible) and AT THE SAME TIME mind you, keep up their offensive tear. Only then will they be able to win comfortably and stop the damage they have already done to the Bulldog fans’ livers…
Sun Devil Went Down to …yea you get it 23
Devil Water Drinking Dawgs 30
ML
Sunny D’s 20
Cox’ Army 38
EGM
Sun devils 17
Dawgs 34
Vanderbilt at Rice (+7.5), 8
EGM
The battle of the small private schools masquerading in big football conferences. Wait a second, Rice isn't in the Big 12 like many of their former SWC mates. Vandy is in the SEC.
Honestly, that's about all the analysis I can give on this game.
Hooters 10
Vandy 21
CB
Schmandy 37
Lice 10
ML
Smart SEC 21
Smart Big 12 10
GAME OF THE WEEK
UM at VT (+3), 3:30
ML
Alright Canes fans, let’s put down the coke and settle down. You have beat two fellow ACC teams with more than a week to prepare before each game. I know you are excited to have your first decent quarterback since Ken Dorsey. But you really need to relax. Blacksburg is a town where undefeated seasons go to die. The Hokies edged out the Huskers last week, and need their traditional bread and butter, defense and special teams, to carry them if they want to take down the Canes. I’m looking for Jacory Harris to fall back to earth and turn the ball over a couple times. The Hokies will take advantage and cause South Florida to jump back off the bandwagon
scUM 17
Hokie Hokie Hokie!!! 21
CB
“Big Wins?” 23
Home Dog Hokies 21
EGM
Back to reality 13
Hokies 20
Well…last weekend was case lesson in duality. On one hand, my guest Bourbon Girl and I had a great time in G-Ville tailgating with friends, drinking some beers, eating some bbq and getting hooked up with some cool-down time in the Letterman Club in the Swamp (thank you DinnerCruise Gambler!) That was the outstanding hand. On the other side, the Gators looked pretty pedestrian with their ball control/turnover game plan; the late TO by T-BOW made this game look closer than it actually was, (never did I actually think we would lose). However, we did win, Urb and Timmy are now undefeated against UT, the Gators are 3-0 and somehow Lane Kiffin is celebrating as if they won! HAHA Sorry, my affection for “moral victories” went the way of the Zooker. No such thing Laney. Yall lost, we won, more to come of both…
P.S. If you are reading this, be sure to add BourbonBoys Picks as a friend on Facebook!
Malt Licker
I’d like to thank Jimmy Carter for subbing in for me last week. I feel like a grenade went off inside my sinuses, so I wish he was here this week. Unfortunately, he is on a pilgrimage to the burial sites of Ho Chi Minh, Pol Pot and Chairman Mao. Speaking of pilgrimages, I made mine to Gainesville last week to watch Lil’ Lane and his boys “win” 13-23. Seriously, give me a break. Was Knoxville’s case of Phat Phil Fatigue so serious that they have no problem swallowing a 4-8 season? I must admit that the game revealed some chinks in the Gator armor. All we need is one of the young wide receivers to step up.
El Gran Mono
Given that I'm only miles from the home of Stonewall Jackson in my Shenandoah refuge, I'll keep things plain and simple just like Thomas Jackson himself.
Did all Gator fans want to win by 600 points last Saturday? Did Tennessee only want to compete? The answer to both questions is definitely "yes". However, despite the respective anger and happiness one truth remains, UF plays for titles and the Vols for bowl eligibility. Let the quests continue and the words diminish.
Thu 09/24
Mississippi at South Carolina (+3), 7:30
EGM
The Cocks are the first test for the overrated Rebs. Since when do SEC games of this magnitude get played on Thursday night? I thought that was reserved for the ACC Games of the Century.
The Cocks lost a heartbreaker two weeks ago but that game saw the emergence of Drunky Garcia. Spurdog can really do some damage with a talented QB who's not scared of the blitz.
Ole Miss has a good offense. And will put up some points but I doubt their untested and average defense will hold up. I'll take the cocks in a straight up W.
Rebs 24
Cocks 27
CB
Fever 34
Stever (that’s a stretch) 23
ML
Ole Piss 20
South Cackalacky 21
Sat 09/26
LSU at Mississippi State (+12.5), 12:20
EGM
After Miss State put down lowly Vandy last week, people are talking rejuvenation under Dan Mullen. What really needs rejuvenation is the Starkville bar scene. Perhaps CUzzin' Bailey could consult on such an operation.
I'm not sold on LSU as a great team and I'm not sold on Miss State as an average team. Jordan Jefferson is extremely raw and often goes with the tomato can approach to the passing game. This shadiness will keep the Dawgs in the game and cover quite easily.
Tigers 24
Dawgs 17
CB
Dirty Cajuns 35
Dirty Dogs 14
ML
Tigers 28
Piss St 14
Arkansas at Alabama (-17), 3:30
ML
So far this year, Ryan Mallett has been the Pinball Wizard to coach Petrino’s high scoring offense. ‘Bama may look the best out of SEC teams thus far. They roll into SEC play 3-0 and look to make an opening statement in the race for the Western division title. The Hogs have the 2nd ranked offense in the country and will put some points on the board, but they face the 3rd ranked defense in the nation. Bama will need to put up 20+ to win, and they need a healthy Julio Jones to make that happen.
Sooey 17
Tiiiiiiiiiide 38
CB
Razah Backs 13
Crimson Tiiide 40
EGM
Hawgs 20
Bamer 34
Florida at Kentucky (+21.5), 6
CB
Some genius sportswriter from the Gainesville Sun said it best, this is a great time for the Gators to hit the road, and if history is a teacher at all, this is a great opponent too. UF really needs to get out into the wild this weekend for a backyard brawl (in which they are heavily favored). I see that all my jokes about Ole Miss’ team coming down with the flu have come back and bit me on the buttocks. Fine, I apologize to the flu Gods! (except for that previous joke). Look, this is simple, either UF plays up to their potential, or they don’t. Either way its gonna take more than just two mistakes by Tebow to cost the Gators the game, but the real question (as it was last week) is whether or not UF is gonna put the Big Blue to bed early, or let them stay up to watch Carson. I say make it apparent early that the visitors are NOT in Lexington to ogle the blonde beyatches, but to get down to (football) business…
GO GATORS 42
Cowardly Cats 14
ML
Gatorzzzzzzz 44
Kats 9
EGM
Gators 60
Cats 10
Ohio at Tennessee (-21.5), 7
CB
First off, cheers to Kiffin Jr. It takes a REAL man to make fun of players with the flu. I mean I guess if you really are in charge of a team that sucks as bad as the Vuls, you pick your battles. Watch out all you senior citizens in Knoxville, seems like Lane is smelling blood in the water! My prediction is he goes after the blind next…Speaking of which, what do you think J. Crompton’s eyesight is like? Is he NOT the worst QB you have ever seen??? Anyways, word is, the Bobcats are actually coming to play this weekend (unlike the Vols offensive play callers last week, zing!). Tough Defense, marginal offense…haha which team am I talking about?? Frankly, UT’s RB Hardesty is pretty narsty and I think that even a poor day by Crompton won’t keep the Orange out of the W column…
BobCats 12
Pussies 30
ML
Bobcats 10
Douchebags 24
EGM
Bobcats 7
Vols. 24
Ball State at Auburn (-33)
ML
Letterman U visits the plains to take on the rejuvenated Tigers. Gene Chizik is riding the backs of his backs, Ben Tate and Onterio McCalebb, and is generating a buzz in Auburn. The Cardinals are one of the worst teams in Division I and are winless thus far. I could not be less interested in a game…
Gap Tooth U 3
War Eagle 45
CB
Ball Scraight 7
Opelika 50
EGM
Douche Hats 10
Plainsmen 49
Arizona State at Georgia (-12.5)
CB
I feel like I’m on Candid Camera or something. Why is UGA favored by 13 points here? I mean I understand that they have been in some shootouts lately, but one of them was against a pathetic South Carolina team! They have no defense, and ASU is ranked #1 in the nation in Defense. I’m looking for UGA to resort to actually playing some defense (if possible) and AT THE SAME TIME mind you, keep up their offensive tear. Only then will they be able to win comfortably and stop the damage they have already done to the Bulldog fans’ livers…
Sun Devil Went Down to …yea you get it 23
Devil Water Drinking Dawgs 30
ML
Sunny D’s 20
Cox’ Army 38
EGM
Sun devils 17
Dawgs 34
Vanderbilt at Rice (+7.5), 8
EGM
The battle of the small private schools masquerading in big football conferences. Wait a second, Rice isn't in the Big 12 like many of their former SWC mates. Vandy is in the SEC.
Honestly, that's about all the analysis I can give on this game.
Hooters 10
Vandy 21
CB
Schmandy 37
Lice 10
ML
Smart SEC 21
Smart Big 12 10
GAME OF THE WEEK
UM at VT (+3), 3:30
ML
Alright Canes fans, let’s put down the coke and settle down. You have beat two fellow ACC teams with more than a week to prepare before each game. I know you are excited to have your first decent quarterback since Ken Dorsey. But you really need to relax. Blacksburg is a town where undefeated seasons go to die. The Hokies edged out the Huskers last week, and need their traditional bread and butter, defense and special teams, to carry them if they want to take down the Canes. I’m looking for Jacory Harris to fall back to earth and turn the ball over a couple times. The Hokies will take advantage and cause South Florida to jump back off the bandwagon
scUM 17
Hokie Hokie Hokie!!! 21
CB
“Big Wins?” 23
Home Dog Hokies 21
EGM
Back to reality 13
Hokies 20
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