Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC Week X

Cuzzin’ Bailey
Man, I am still recovering from the FL/GA weekend. Great freaking time tailgating and a great game; my bourbon girl and I snuck in a large size travel flask of (guess), and I was successful at “having a great time.” Anyways, another thing that was great about the game was how submissive the UGA fans were; I love it when the opposing fans are more certain of your team’s victory than you are…And I’m not talking about the fake bullshit they pull in Auburn either. These Georgia fans were insisting the Gators were going to cover, and I should have listened to them. This week the bigtime game is in Tuscaloosa, the Gators wrapped up the SEC East last week, now the next goal is to remain undefeated!

Malt Licker
Good times last week in Jacksonville with Cuzzin’ Bailey, who was a most gracious host. A beautiful Saturday, a tremendous tailgate and a beatdown of Jawja almost made me forget I was in Jacksonville. Then the drive home….leaving that downtown is like trying to escape some black hole of hell. It’s a wonder ESPN.com is questioning the viability of an NFL franchise there. Other than Bama/LSU, it’s a shitty slate of games. It almost makes one want to talk about baseball…..GO YANKS!!!!

El Gran Mono
Its certainly been a whirlwind week and I find myself leading off Friday morning with a shot of Knob Creek, an Aleve, and copious amounts of Chipotleaway. Given my track record, I highly doubt this will affect my picks. Looking at the lineup, I think the BBoys should have rallied around the SEC West Championship game and taken an off week of their own. What about Week X speaks to an AD that they should schedule a DI-AA opponent?

South Carolina at Arkansas (-7), 12:21pm
EGM
The Cocks are experimenting with how many huge hits a QB can take before he voluntarily quits and heads to a life of alcohol and opiates. However, the Cocks did not pick an adequate subject to test because Steve Garcia was already living that life. Arkansas is a complete enigma. They have a pretty decent D-Line and a QB who throws p-rods. Yet they have lost to both UGA and Ole Miss. I’ll ride the home Hawgs in this game and lay the points. The Cocks looked lethargic in Neyland last week and Fayetteville isn’t the kind of place to get back on a roll.

Cocks 9
Hawgs 24

CB
Cocks 23
Backs 25

ML
SoCar 28
Sooey 33

Eastern Kentucky at Kentucky (NL), 1:00pm
ML
Known as “the Maroons” until 1960, EKU became the Colonels and went on to dominate the Ohio Valley Conference. Lee “Six Million Dollar Man” Majors attended EKU before he started banging Farrah Fawcett. Ironically, John Calipari is also known as the “Six Million Dollar Man.” It may have something to do with his recruiting budget. You’d think he’d divert some of that cash to poor Rich Brooks.

Colonel Steve Austin 6
sUK 29

CB
East 2
Pussies (You know, like cats) 34

EGM
Colonels 7
Kats 41

Tennessee Tech at Georgia (NL), 1:00pm
CB
This game, like most this week, is pretty meh-able. Other than USC/Ark, and LSU/Bama, every other game is either NL or a huge spread. I know that UGA has played a great (hard/difficult/full of losses) schedule, but at least this weekend we can finally get their douchebag fans to shut up. Joe Cox and the rest of the Bulldogs played like complete idiots last weekend. I can’t believe how marginal they still are…I mean I can believe it, but I’m surprised, oh and happy.

(the other) TTech 14
UGA 33

ML
Golden Eagles 6
Urban’s Bitches 37

EGM
Evil Eagles 10
Evil Joe Cox 48

Furman at Auburn (NL), 1:30pm
EGM
Huge matchup in Jerdin Hair this week. The Purple Paladins bring their chivalrous DI-AA style into the den of bad haircuts. I think they should joust instead of play football.

PPs 14
Plainsmen 52

CB
Dumb 4
Dumb and EVIL 32

ML
Purple Paladins 6
Navy Blue Plainsmen 27

LSU at Alabama (-7.5), 3:30
CB
This is the game of the week, and I finally got a good one. LSU is coming off two big wins (big in the sense that the margin of victory was large), since the loss to the Gators. This game has a shit load on the line, a Ramma Jamma win locks up the SEC West and a date with the Gators in the SEC Championship, an LSU win puts them in the driver’s seat. Basically what you are looking for in this game is whether or not LSU can make plays on Bama’s defense. We all know about how “great” LSU’s athletes are, but if they don’t get Charles Scott going on the ground and have to rely on Jefferson to pass the ball all over the Tide, then this could be a long game for the Tigers. Bama has had a week off since the dramatics of the UT-block-field-goal-game, and so hopefully for their sake they’ve gotten over the high. I think that the Tide will follow the Gators lead in shutting down LSU’s offense, but their real question is whether or not Saban’s pistol formation will be hard-nosed enough to run against a tough Tiger D. I like Bama to win, but I’m not sure about the points…

QB is skittish 13
RB likes to Run 20

ML
Tigers 13
Tide 20

EGM
Tigers 21
Bamer 20

Memphis at Tennessee (-26.5), 7:00pm
ML
Kiffykins is coming off his first win over a ranked team and looking to pile on against Memphis State. Monte’s defense has remained stout all year, to have any chance the Tigers need to conger up some additional eligibility for DeAngelo Williams. With that said, there is no way UT should be laying more than 3 touchdowns to anyone. Crompton still sucks. Whoever Memphis’ coach is should lay money on his team to cover and play it as close to the vest as possible.

Memphis 10
Knoxville 30

CB
Gangland 10
Crapland 38

EGM
Memphass 0
Vols 38

Vanderbilt at Florida (-34.5), 7:15pm
ML
Oooooh its Eye Gauge-Gate!!!! I just heard Craig “the drunken preacher” James demand a 3 game suspension for Spikes. Is he serious? A pre-pubescent Malt Licker hated this clown back when he was the lead analyst on Gameday. That was before he pulled a David Caruso, leaving ESPN to join CBS. Unfortunately, like a bad case of herpes, he is back to spoil things. As you can tell, I’m sick of his act. Our Gators dispensed of UGA and have a bye week before their final road test of the season. What’s that you say? We have a game? I don’t count Vandy.

Avoiding Wins 6
Avoiding Letdowns 44

CB
Dores and Dorks 13
Studs and Gators 49

EGM
Doremats 3
Gators 58

Northern Arizona at Ole Miss (NL), 7:30pm
CB
It’s a good thing that the Rebs are playing Nalthun Zona this week. The real excitement is to come in the next few weeks. Ole Miss hosts Tennessee and LSU and still (remarkably) has a psychotically outside shot at the SEC West Title. I know, I know its ridiculous, but if they win out, and others lose late, it could possibly happen, I think. Anyways, it would be very beneficial if the Rebs could maybe actually possibly create and maintain some momentum that apparently was obliterated last week when they lost to Orburn, if they are to have any shot at the title. Anyways, look for Snead to light up the …uh whoever they are, bigtime.

Who Are YOU? 5
Ole Miss by Damn 45

ML
Lumberjacks 11
Rebs 51

EGM
Lumberjacks 6
Rebs 45

Mississippi State - OFF
EGM
Muddin’ and coonhunts.