Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Turkey Week - Belated Version

Cuzzin Bailey
I’m not going to mince words here this week. I am totally jacked about this week and the slate of games is only half the reason. I love Thanksgiving. And to make this week even better, I back in my hometown, I have a special guest visiting and, hell, the games are awesome! I’m not going to go so far as to say I’m disappointed that I’m missing Tebow’s last game in the Swamp, as I have seen his magic first hand, but I am aware of this situation. Its not an easy realization to miss. From the fans who love him, to the “haters” who loath him, this is Tebow’s last couple of games as a Gator player, and that means something to everyone. Personally, I love that people hate him. If someone looked at his accomplishments and life from an outside point of view, those who despise him would look like those the fools they are…Anyways, as worried as I am about the future, I am totally capable of looking back on the last 4 years with happiness, and realizing that while I may never see another player like TT, nor see the dominance he has lead us to, I will still be a Gator fan and I think my worry will soon turn to excitement in the months to come…

Malt Licker
Favorite week of the year!!! Sign me up for any holiday that combines beer, football, food, beer, friends, family and beer. Not to mention golf with friends, four straight days off, and the (now-routine) destruction of the Florida State Seminoles by the Florida Gators. If Bowden comes back next year, Urban could probably get away with playing Tebow again. I’ll be heading north to say goodbye to the greatest senior class in UF history.

El Gran Mono
I am a loser who forgot to write his column and then bury his co-writers brilliant thoughts. Twenty lashes with a wet noodle and 0fer the week for me.


November 27, 2009
Alabama at Auburn (+11.5), 2:30
ML
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarn Bowl!!!! I think I get this game every year and start it the same way. Tons of fun. Can the Plainsmen ruin the Tide’s perfect season? Last year ‘Bama Bessemer-ed the Tigers 36-0, and will face a hostile crowd at Jerrdan-Hare. Will Aub’s fans pull the faux-humility act that CB hates so much with their cross-state rivals? Something tells me they don’t even try that shit this week. Ben Tate and Onterrio will need to get it done on the ground for War Eagle to pull off the upset. Interesting note: Bama only has a 6 game edge in the series; they’ll bump it up to 7

Tiiiiide 27
Tiiiigers 7

CB
Drop the HAMMER 22
BURRRRNED 10

November 28, 2009

Clemson at South Carolina +3, 12:00
ML
Hate week!!!! These two schools despise each other. Spur-dog vs. Dabo seems like an epic mismatch; although Clemzon enjoys an edge in talent, particularly on offense. CJ Spiller will probably get an invite to New York for the Heisman ceremony and SC must contain him if they want to take down the Tigers. In recent years, it seems like the underdog team usually wins. I don’t need much reason to bet against Dabo.

Howard’s Rock 13
Spurrier’s Cock 20

CB
Tigahs 25
Cawks 27

12:21pm

Ole Miss at Mississippi State +7, 12:21
EGM
Uhhhh

CB
Stoked Rebs 35
Spread Dawgs 10

ML
Ole Egg 23
Dirty Town 10

Florida State at Florida -23, 3:30
CB
How lucky am I? As you read earlier, I have my thoughts about TT, and how fitting that his (and all the Seniors’) last game is against the hated Criminoles! Being from St Pete, I grew up with plenty of FSU “fans.” These were total front-runner bastards. Half the kids who used to tease me for being a Gator wound up going to UF and seeing them at the games made me sick. I don’t forget names/faces. Some guys call me the “Judge” for a reason. Its not cause I’m an aspiring attorney, its cause if you wrong me, I don’t forget. For the record, you CANNOT root for FSU and ridicule Gator fans, and THEN act like it never happened. Okay…I hope you can tell that I have a lot of feelings riding on this game. Speaking of which, I will mention a few things. Meyer got emotional about the Seniors this week. IF you think for a SECOND that the Gators are looking ahead, and aren’t fired up for this one, then you need to check your football smarts at the door. This Florida team is one of the most emotion driven teams I have ever seen, and I am LOVING this spread. I know the Gators can and probably will do whatever it takes to run this Semi team into the ground. I’m only a fan….and I am ready to take a head off…

F*cking Sucks University 13
FLORIDA! 45

ML
Senile Coach 9
Emotional Coach 34

EGM
Uhhh…

Miami at South Florida OFF, 3:30
CB
I’m in town and part of me wants to go to this game just to see the dichotomy of fans present. HAHA I’m just getting excited thinking about it. On the one hand, you have the Canes fans. There are 3 types of UM fans. 1) The actual Grad. That dude is so coked out of his head, he doesn’t even realize that Larry Coker (haha) is no longer the coach; 2) The Hispanic Gang Member. Does this guy even care about the game? Look, as long as his hat’s brim is flat, and it matches his jersey and shoes, he’s at the game, smoking a spliff; 3) the White Kid. Sure this guy thinks cause his hat is new, and the sticker is still on it, he’s gonna hang with number 2. He wrong. That kid is the one getting his ass kicked. Save him. Oh yea, there’s two kinds of USF fan. 1) Joe Alumni. He went to USF long before football was just a glint in some drunk Chancellor’s eye. But now he goes to every game diligently praying for the Bulls to be as good as the other big dogs in the State. That day isn’t far off apparently. And now 2) Johnny “just bought my ticket.” This kid grew up an obnoxious FSU fan. Now he goes to the games just to see how effed up the coeds can get at Raymond James Stadium…can you really blame this guy? Regarding the game, I have to think if UM plays as tough as they can play, it should be a 2 touchdown margin. But I just have this feeling that USF is going to treat this game like its more than just a …well a shitty end of the year game…but not that great of a feeling.

Drugs 23
Less Boutique Drugs 22

ML
scUM 31
Cant get into scUM 27

EGM
Uhhhhh

Tennessee at Kentucky +3.5, 7:00
ML
Bring back the Beer Barrel!!!! We should hear this echoing throughout Lexington until the douchebag university presidents and athletic directors bring back the trophy. The Kats are riding high after their first win in Athens since ’77 and hope to score their first win over UT since ’84. Richie Brooks looks to move UK to 8-4 with a win over Kiffie-kins. I don’t know about you, but I wish our coach was cool enough to knock our players over after big plays against fucking Vanderbilt.

Kiffy-douche 14
Coach of the year 20

CB
Mash 26
Bourbon 20

EGM
Uhhhh

Arkansas at LSU -3.5, 7
CB
Oh man, if I have the gumption I would just got through a few email chains I have been a part of this week and insert that shit here to explain how hilarious last weeks LSU game was, and how much it has made all of us non-Tiger fans be able to breath a sigh of relief so that now the whole world is privy to the nonsense that has be flowing out of the Baton Rouge for the past 3 years. Whether it be succeeding on 4 – 4th and whatevers against UF in 07; the Auburn endzone score, or countless other Les Miles “miracles,” it was about time that joker’s luck ran out. And to me, it was perfectly fitting that it happened against Ole Miss, on that weekend. Now the Bayou Bengals have to contend with a Razorback team that has about as much to play for as Notre Dame. A few years ago and this could be a battle for the Gator Bowl…shit, next year (when the SEC links back up with the Jax bowl it just might be). I could easily see the LSU players watch Miles’ post-game new conference and question his loyalty this week. I mean hell, the guy totally sold out his QB for spiking the ball at the end of the game when it was HE who was signaling him to do so. But while being interviewed, Les said, “I don’t know why he clocked it.” As in, he messed up…not me. I can’t believe this guy is making Bobby Petrino look like a stand up guy. The “Hat” has run out of magic, and if any player in that locker doesn’t think he’s just a scumbag looking for a better job, then I pity the fool…

Good time to be on your “Back” 29
“Les” Keep this under our Hats 17

ML
Looking for win #8 27
Looking for a non-mongoloid coach 24

EGM
uhhhh

8:00pm
Georgia at Georgia Tech -7.5, 8:00
EGM
Uhhhh
ML
Rotting Uga 14
Stinging Option 30

CB
Jawga 22
Run, Run, Run, maybe Pass 34

Vanderbilt – Bye Week
EGM
Uhhhhh