Thursday, October 08, 2009

Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week VI

El Gran Mono
Hands down, this is easily the best week in the SEC so far. I’m sure it would have been more prestigious in the eyes of the MSM if Ole Miss had not lost to the Cocks. However, reason alone says there was no chance Ole Miss was running through the SEC without three losses (including the impending loss to Bama). I think there is another “big” game on Saturday but I’ll leave that for later…

Happy B-Day to the Cuz!

Cuzzin’ Bailey
So I honestly thought if I waited long enough in the week I would have some news about Tebow to report and comment on…I was wrong. It totally looks like its gonna be a game-time decision and that’s cool, I’m totally confident in Brantley starting his first game ever in Death Valley at NIGHT (he says, completely full of shit). Anyways, huge group of friends heading to N’awlins minus me, I guess since I just left the dirty 30 club I have to tone down my antics…anyways, pretty good weekend of CFB we have in the SEC…I’ll just limp my old ass over to the picks section…

Malt Licker
Big Game WEEKEND!!!! Many of our loyal readers have made the trek to coonass land, and will no doubt get lubed up on Hurricanes and Hand Grenades. It’s almost a full slate of SEC action, with the night cap staking claim to game of the year. I hope all the players realize that whenever they score they should place the ball on the ground, run toward their own sideline, and avoid eye contact with everyone. Anything else would be excessive and might merit a suspension. The rest of the country has nothing else going on, so we tripled up on the game of the week like its last name is Tequila.

Auburn at Arkansas (+3), 12
Major trap game for the Plainsmen, they are 5-0 and riding high after taking it to the Vols last week, and are 5th in the nation in yards per game. Unfortunately, Auburn’s trademark tough defense has not arrived yet, as they gave up 400+ yard to Crapton and Co. The Hawgs represented for the SEC by slaughtering the Aggies in Dallas. I see a lot of points this week. If Arkansas can contain Ben Tate and Onterio McCalebb, they could cover and win out right. Unfortunately they don’t have any players with misspelled Canadian provinces for first names.

Onterio Rules 38
Suh-Skatchyujuan drools 30

Plainsmen 28
Hawgs 35

Orburn 23
Arkansizzle 24

Vandy at Army (+10.5), 12
Boy….you can tell who had the last pick this week. I hate writing about Vanderbilt; there is nothing new or interesting to say. Pretty apropos, as there is nothing new or interesting about this pretentious university. I wish UF could play at Army; I’d love to watch a game at West Point. I hope the Cadets don’t think the Dores are what the SEC is all about. They are too smart for that.

Dores 21
Cadets 14

Dores 24
Black Knights 10

Schmandy 34

Georgia at Tennessee (Pk), 12:21
We have certainly reached the moment when we can definitively state that SEC officials are as bad or worse than ACC officials. And that’s pretty shitty folks. See 2002 FL-FSU as an exemplar if you need reminding. And for the SEC, see UGA-LSU. That said, if Georgia tackles a little better this wouldn’t have been an issue.

Against the Plainsmen, the Vols once again proved they have no ability to pass. Hardesty is definitely a stud but Georgia should be smart enough to sniff that action out. Meanwhile, Joe Cox has had problems of his own. Sometimes he misses receivers by 20 ft and at other times he hits receivers in stride 30 yards downfield. If Georgia’s running game was more consistent then I would predict them to win by at least ten. Lane Kiffin is so good he has yet to win an SEC game. Maybe he’ll shout down the AD for not scheduling Vandy and Kentucky earlier in the season.

Road Dawgs 21
Ofer the SEC 17

UGly 22
slUTs 21

Uga 24
Smokey 13

Kentucky at South Carolina (-11.5), 12:30
I love how USCe has totally separated themselves from the shit pile of the SEC East. Now when someone tells us Gator fans about how crappy our schedule is, the Gamecocks are the LAST team they mention! Congrats, you are now the best of the crummy teams that UF plays. What to say here…UK’s QB Hartline is just ridiculously terrible and the ‘Cocks’ Garcia es bien. This will be the 3rd straight decent to great defense that the ‘Cats have faced in as many weeks (this one being on the “decent” side), so while you can look for the late scoring drive or the missed assignment(s) keeping Kensucky in this one, I think we might (just might) see Spur-Dawg open up a can of whoop-ass…not a big can, but one of those single-serving cans you find in the lunchables aisle…

UKizzle 14
Sorth Caroline 26

Kats 13
Cocks 24

Tucky 14
Cockalacky 31

Houston at Mississippi State +3
How many out of conference games does Miss State play? It seems like light years since they blew the LSU game. The Coogs come into this game after getting plowed by UTEP. I think they gave up 400+ rushing yards and 50 points. Given the fact that UTEP completely blows, I think Miss State actually has a chance to win. Case Keenum is definitely a good player but he can’t play defense. I imagine this lack of defense will lead to a Tyson Lee/Anthony Dixon SEC Player of the Week award. Its hard to believe Miss State is getting three points after Houston showed their true colors.

Coogs 31
Other Dawgs 41

Outta the 25 45
Mess State 17

Cougs 24
MSU 14

Alabama at Ole Miss (+7), 3:30
This is an interesting game, and I say that for a number of reasons, but for your reading enjoyment I’ll just breeze by a few of them. Number 1: while we’re picking this game at the opening line of 7, it has since dropped to 4.5. I’m not going to be stupid and imply that the gamblahs don’t know something I don’t, but I’m an whore and I haven’t heard shit. Number 2: this kind of correlates to the first one, I mean Ole Miss lost to USCe two weeks ago and “meh’ed” their way to a win AT Vandy last Saturday. While Bama has man-handled every team in their path since beating a good VT team at the beginning of the season. These two reasons make me wonder why the line/confidence in the Tide is dropping as the week progresses. I mean I get that Jevan Snead is good and that the Rebs were a team that took a lot of folks for surprise last year, but this new deflated line implies that I don’t know something (which is ridiculous). So I pulled my rabbit out of my hat and ran the numbers. Let’s see: Alabama has lost 3 games to Mississippi since 1992 (including a mysterious forfeit in ’93) but more recently, i.e. ’05 and up, the scores have all been 3 point Crimson wins with the exception of last year’s close 4 point vic in Tuscaloosa (I was there, very exciting). I think I know what’s going on here. Regardless of the talent, the Rebs come to play for this game, especially lately. SO after all that, I seriously haven’t learned anything. I’m just gonna say that I probably think that Bama will win, their defense is sick and their running game is scaring me as a Gator fan (and we aren’t gonna play them til December). It all comes down to Snead. If he can make his throws, and not play like punk he did in Columbia, this will be closer than the early spread, if he doesn’t come through, it’ll be close early, and then Bama will probably pull away…

Passin’ Rebs 20

Bama 21
Rebs 20

Satan 31
Nutt 28

Florida at LSU (+8.5), 8
Will Timmy play? I think not. The guy couldn’t watch TV until earlier this week let alone run people over. Johnny Brantley is a capable backup and should be a capable steward of the offense. The real story in this game. will Jordan Jefferson throw three picks or four? The guy has one of the slowest deliveries outside of a Japanese pitcher that I’ve ever seen. That fact compounded with his penchant for locking on his receivers does not bode well for the Cajuns. I’m sure any LSU fan is probably worked up after the Jefferson hate and is now saying things like “what about our defense?” and “Rahim Alem!”. I hate (love) bursting that bubble but LSU’s defense is not that great. They have serious issues stopping the run and have no pass rush. See Miss State game.

The story before the game will focus entirely on Tebow but the Gators defense and ball hawking secondary are the real story. LSU won’t put double digits on the board. Cuzzin’ “rag arm” Bailey could manage the Gators offense this week and they would still win. Eat the points even if its “at night”.

Gators 31
Tiggers 9

I like this format. I like having the opportunity to talk about my Gators. My favorite line in the past two weeks has been this from a Tigah fan, “Personally, I hope Tebow plays so when yall lose, we won’t have hear none of that ‘oh if only he’d played’ crap.” Basically what that douchebag was saying was this, in between Cajun grumblings, “We KNOW we can’t beat yall unless da Son of da Lawd is riding da pine.” What we’ve got here is failure to communicate. Some Cajuns you just can’t reach, so you get what we got here, which is the way they want it, well, they get it. Tebow may or may not play, all I know is that now Les Miles is preparing for two different quarterbacks, so that might give us some kind of advantage. But the thing that has been completely overlooked with Concussion-Gate going on is the fact that we have a really f*cking good defense. I know LSU’s D is supposedly “good” as well, but they are the ones that almost got run out of the high school stadium aka Davis-Wade in Starkvegas. Hate to sound like a broken record, but this is another case where if the QB with the question mark by his name can make plays, but more importantly keep the mistakes to a minimum, it will change the entire dynamic of the game. If young Johnny Brantley can “Chris Leak” his way through this game, then we may have another quarterback controversy in Gainesville. Haha just kidding, but seriously, let’s win, after all, Purple shirt? Yellow britches? Go to hell you Cajun bitches!


Man o man, 2 years ago I made the trek to Nawlins and the Red Stick, only to watch LSU convert 9 consecutive 4th downs and sending our beloved Gators home with a heartbreaking loss. This year, we may have to go in without Superman. If we can shut down LSU’s run game and force Jefferson to throw the ball, our ball hawking secondary will take over the game. If Urban doesn’t think Tebow can play full bore, he shouldn’t play. I fully expect a raucous crowd, and an early break for the Tigers, if we can weather that storm, our talent on the lines should spell the difference, with or without Tebow.

Urban’s W 24
Les’ L 10

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