Special Thanksgiving Week Edition!
Malt Licker
Rivalry Week!!! It’s the Iron Bowl! The Egg Bowl! Florida v. F$U! Clemson v. South Carolina! North Korea v. South Korea! Turkey v. Ham! Natalee Holloway v. Chandra Levy!
The Gators proved me wrong and beat up on Appy State to guarantee a winning season. WHOO HOO. Did you know App State actually took down the goalposts in their stadium with the expectation that their students would tear them down in the event of a win against the Gators? I’m certain that this is the only reason they lost. It had nothing to do with Johnny “I play like I just ate a huge plate of Turkey” Brantley. In fairness, Ahmad Black is such a badass he may have been able to beat App State by himself. After a bit of a snoozer this week (Mad Hatter excluded) there are a ton of interesting games this week. My Broncos from Boise face their last test before the BCS Title game, and the Tide look to end Auburn’s national title hopes before the NCAA does so retroactively.
Last week was a pretty boring week of football but this week should cure it. Tons of rivalry games and four days of football. And most importantly, no D-IAA teams. Enjoy the turkey and football.
Cuzzin Bailey
Its “hate week” all across the Country, and all throughout the SEC, with the obvious exception of Vanderbilt; and for 83.3333333333333% of the league these are the most important games of the year!! South Carolina, taking advantage of a clear down year in the SEC EAST (see what I did there, that’s called a “back-handed compliment”) plays Clemson in a pretty meaningless game to the Cocks. Auburn’s game against Bama is their most important one so far, however if they win there will be two more games in their future that’ll mean more. Speaking of Auburn my esteemed colleague, The Malt Licker, addressed their issues so well last week that there’s no point in rehashing all the details, but I just have one thing to add personally: If Newton isn’t as stupid as he is purporting himself to be, then I hope he gets whatever he has coming. He has played dumb this whole time and if comes out that he was behind or a part of this scheme from the get go, I hope he gets the serious Reggie Bush treatment (you know, making millions, shitting on his alma mater, banging a Kardashian). Either way, he HAS to be gone to the NFL, right? When the Gators face these Tigers on the road next year, we’re gonna need any advantage we can get. Anyways, as its Thanksgiving week, I just wanted to say that I have so much to be thankful for, great fiancée, great family, great friends! You can hear all about it and other insanity on Twittah at: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey
El Gran Mono
Friday, November 26, 2010
2:30pm
ML
Auburn at Alabama (-4)
Since Auburn has already clinched the division, this game is bigger nationally than it is in the SEC. Although natives to the Heart of Dixie would argue that this is the biggest game in the history of the universe, every year. Last year, these teams were in each others’ positions, with Auburn looking to shatter the dreams of the Crimson Tide. The roles are reversed this year. As I think about this game, I believe it will boil down to which squad’s defense is less sieve-ish. Both teams have been able to move the ball, but have had serious difficulty stopping people. I think this is a coin flip, but something in my stomach says Auburn’s defense will force a key late turnover to pull it out in a classic.
Auburn 34
Alabama 31
CB
Awbarn 21
Bama 24
EGM
Plainsmen 31
Tide 28
Saturday, November 27, 2010
12:21pm
ML
Kentucky at Tennessee (-3)
ZZZZZZZZZ…the Battle for the Beer Barrel could not have me less excited. The Vols have won 3 in a row this season, and 25 straight against the Cats. I don’t expect much defense and predict this game goes into at least 3 overtimes. Do you think John Wall and DeMarcus Cousins were upset when they found out they took a pay cut to go pro?
Cats 54
Vols 52
CB
Kensucky 20
Vuls 25
EGM
Wildcats 22
Vols 24
3:30pm
EGM
LSU at Arkansas (-4)
This could be the best game of the weekend. Arky’s high powered offense and LSU’s stud defense. Quietly, Ryan Mallett and Co have been putting up huge numbers and blowing teams out. It’s a possibility that they might be a BCS team if Aubie blows a few games down the stretch. As for LSU, they have BCS dreams as well and they don’t even require Auburn to lose. Petrino v Miles has a Pinky and the Brain feel to it. I’ll take Pinky.
Tigers 28
Hawgs 24
ML
Mad Hatter 31
Petrino 28
CB
Bayou Bengals 31
Arky 30
CB
Florida at Florida State (-2.5)
The epitome of Hate. My sweet little aunt told me today that if she hates one college team it is definitely Florida State. How about this: the new neighbors at my parent’s place were outside their house talking with family; as I walked out to make a phone call (I was wearing a Gators shirt), the wife yells out, “GO NOLES!” I hate this woman and will purposefully put little to no booze in their drinks tomorrow. She’s raising a real brood of future FScUm. Anyways, the Gators have had trouble stopping the run, esp with a mobile quarterback. That is basically what the Noles assert to be their bread and butter. Christian P is a marginal QB at best, but everyone coming out of Talla-CRAPPY was saying he was a heistman candidate at the beginning of the year. They were dead wrong. He has struggled mightily and their secondary reminds me of the Lost Boys…not the scary vampires led by Kiefer “Jack Bauer” Sutherland, but the wimpy followers of that pederast Peter Pan: they refuse to grow up. They have been described as “youth” for 4 years at least and they are still susceptible to a nice passing attack. Fortunately for them, so far our coaching staff has refused to acknowledge that Johnny B may not be the best option at QB. Will Urban and crew build off that dominating performance against the best team in the FCS, utilizing 3 kids taking snaps or will they “panic” again and go back to our terrible basics? I say with nothing left to lose, the pressure squarely on the Noles, the Gators open up the crazy playbook and make it apparent that if the Slimeballs from that school to the NW don’t beat us this year, it could be 5 years til they get another shot. I’m going all heart here…
FLORIDA! 24
Satan’s Minions 17
EGM
Semis 21
Gators 20
ML
UF = no offensive identity 7
F$U = some offensive identity 23
7:00pm
EGM
South Carolina at Clemson (+3)
For some reason Clemson always seems to win this game no matter the skill level of their team. This year, the Cocks are clearly superior but I just have a feeling that Clemson will start this game with a 14-0 lead. Dabo Swinney is a clown of epic proportions but perhaps you need a rally clown for rivalry games. Spur-dog will likely try to ride Lattimore to W but Clemson will force him to rely on Garcia. I don’t think the drunk QB will have what it takes in Death Valley.
Clemson 24
Cocks 21
ML
Cocks 20
Tigers 21
CB
Screw his New School 28
Clemson 27
ML
Mississippi State at Ole Miss (+2.5)
I love the Egg Bowl! The only thing that would make this cooler is a blizzard in Oxford Saturday night. These two teams each lost heartbreakers to favored opponents last week. If MSU wants to stake its claim as a “program on the rise”, they need to take care of business in Oxford. Masoli and the Rebs looked good against the Mad Hatter, but the cosmic forces surrounding the Mad Hatter guarantee that any SEC game he’s involved with will go down to the wire. It has nothing to do with how the other team plays or how talented they are. See LSU/Florida, LSU/Tennessee. I guarantee CB picks Ole Miss.
Bulldogs 24
Turkey Bears 20
CB
State 17
Ole Miss 18
EGM
Tattletales 24
Rebs 21
7:30pm
CB
Wake Forest at Vanderbilt (-5)
I have a good friend who went to Wake, but I doubt he’s gonna read this so I am just gonna take the gloves off. WHO CARES ABOUT THIS GAME! I cannot believe that Vandie is favored against anyone and if I were a Demon Deacon’s fan I would hang my head in shame for this fact alone. Nerd Bowl XIII shows Vandee with a slight 7-5 record against WF but with the Deac’s winning the last 2 in 07 and 08. Sure these teams are miles apart from where they were, but just cause Wake is down doesn’t mean that is gonna open the door for a Commodores breakthrough. I suspect this game won’t be settled until each team scores in the 20s, and watch for the winner to score late sending the ‘Dores faithful back to the library unconcerned about another loss.
Wake Skanks 31
Van Derbilt 23
EGM
Wake 14
Vandy 17
ML
ACC Nerds 13
SEC Dorks 20
7:45pm
CB
Georgia Tech at Georgia (-13)
Just looking up the history of the “Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate” and man, that is some legit hatred. I mean they have been pissed off at each other since the turn of the century (the OLD century). The only hiccups in the scheduling ended after 1925, but occurred after Tech winning streaks. Gee, I wonder which team decided “it wasn’t necessary to field a team?” It certainly appears that if the Jackets rattle off a few wins in a row, UGA will go running with its tail between its legs and determine that it isn’t important to keep this tradition alive. I mean how awful would it be if they couldn’t beat TWO of their hated rivals?!!! HAHA that would be glorious! Anyways, Georgia has certainly struggled this year, but I think its pretty clear they are not awful, and that could spell destruction for Tech. I know I hate them, but I can’t be blinded by it, especially for a game I have no feelings for. I look for the Bulldogs to win convincingly, but I think the Ramblin’ Wreck keep it close for a while.
Tech 17
Jawga 32
EGM
Tech 14
Dawgs 31
ML
Wreck 10
Dawgs 20
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC 2010 - WEEK XII
El Gran Mono
Last week was certainly a great week of football if you’re an Auburn or South Carolina fan. Unfortunately, I’m neither of those things so I’m down in the dumps trying to figure out what the NBA schedule is this Friday.
Malt Licker
Now that the Gator season is in shambles, thanks in no small part to Addazio, Mr. Mom Meyer and Johnny Brantley (nice catch dude), I’ve turned my attention to the soap opera coming out of the Plains in Alabama. This story has everything. Scumbag Supreme Bobby Lowder, the Victoryland Racino, tremendous luck by Auburn players at said Racino, Great Southern Wood, misappropriation of TARP funds, federal indictments, a crooked preacher (Cam’s Dad), the best player in the country and Joe Schad’s receding hairline. What more could you ask for? Oh yea, how bout we not lose at home to our former coach while registering 67 yards through three quarters? How bout no more swing passes when the entire defense is within 10 yards of the line of scrimmage? How bout blocking someone? Can we consider benching defensive ends that bring less pressure from the outside than Betty White and a quarterback with less pocket presence than a piece of lent? As for Mr. Mom Meyer, maybe your family should be satisfied with the $4 million daddy brings home and you should spend all your time making sure the product on the field warrants that salary.
Cuzzin Bailey
Okay this is the first time in I think forever, I had a personal attendance LOSING record. But that’s what we got here. I made an impromptu trip to Gainesville last Saturday and now I have seen ONE win and THREE losses this season. Pathetic. And to top off a great weekend, on Monday the media ran with a story that stated that Steve Adazzio was definitely coming back next season. Here’s the rub: at the press conference, Meyer was asked if Adazz would be fired, he said, “no I don’t think so.” Does that sound like a rousing endorsement to you???? I hate sports reporters sometimes, but then again I’m addicted to twitter, so there’s really nothing I can do about this. Speaking of Twitter, I past my thousandth Tweet early this week. Can you believe you have already missed 1000 examples of my awesomeness? Its not too late. Really ain’t too many exciting games this weekend with all the bigtime rivalries next weekend. In regards to the Gators, while I am terribly disappointed by the outcome last weekend and hell, the entire season, I am hopeful that our headcoach, who has won 2 National Titles and 2 SEC championships is fully capable of righting this ship. It looks dark, but it would be foolish for anyone to call for Meyer to be fired. And one more thing, anyone who was “HAPPY” when Spurrier beat us last weekend should take all of his Gator gear, put in a box and send it off to someone who isn’t a total sellout. If you do this I will personally send you a Gamecock hat, and staple it to your Benedict Arnold head. Spurrier is NOT your friend if you are a Gator. He did some wonderful things at UF and then left us high and dry, and THEN became a coach at a division RIVAL. Not saying I wish he had never coached the Gators, but that he sure is acting like it meant nothing to him. To everyone who said, “CuzzinBailey, you’re over reacting. He’s going to USC, he’ll never challenge us for the SEC East,” well I have a word for you, and it ain’t pretty. Hey if you want some exciting not-so-breaking news, follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey It’ll change your life.
Bye Week: Auburn; Georgia; Kentucky
Thursday
7:30pm
CB
Georgia State at Alabama (NL)
Well with Auburn beating regular Georgia last weekend, the West was locked up too. Devastating perhaps to the Tide as an Iron Bowl win won’t mean as much as it could have meant. That isn’t to say Bama would LOVE to ruin an otherwise perfect season for the Tigers. Georgia State plays teams I swear I have never heard of and a few that surprised me that they have football teams. GSU lost to Old Dominion. That should say it all here kids. The Tide could struggle all day long but that isn’t going to change anything. Crimson Tide roll in this one, playing mostly backups and to tune up for their chances to send Cam Newton to the NFL with no Heisman and no chance at a National Title. Nope, all that kid’s gonna carry with him, other than a humongous amount of baggage, is an SEC title ring that will be taken away almost as quickly as it was won.
Jawja State 3
Bama 63
EGM
Who really cares?
ML
Bill Curry U 0
Bama 99
Saturday
12:21pm
ML
Troy at South Carolina (-23)
It’s weird. I don’t feel anger toward the ol’ ball coach, but at the same time I didn’t feel a tinge of joy or happiness that he won the East. Let’s be honest, it is highly unlikely the rest of the East will be this down again, so if SC were ever going to win the division it had to be this year. Unless of course the Gators decide to bring back Addazio and double down on the spread with John Brantley, then they just have to worry about Georgia. I fully expect Troy to cover this week. After all, SC will have a bit of a hangover and last time I heard Troy doesn’t have a Pop Warner offense.
Trojans 17
Cocks 30
CB
Troy 16
Cocks 27
EGM
Trojans 13
Cocks 31
12:30pm
EGM
Appalachian State at Florida (NL)
What a pathetic showing for the Gators on Saturday night. They looked thoroughly unprepared and unmotivated. I can’t blame things like that on the coach, right? I mean gameplanning, adapting to personnel issues, putting players in the right situations are not things coaches should really do, right? The job of coach is to find a system, put the system into place, hope the players are suited for the system, and sit back and watch the results. If the results are not good, double down on the system and start splitting fours (i.e. run the same plays only faster). Urban Meyer had the dumbfounded gaze of Ron Zook on Saturday night. The only different thing is that Zook’s teams scored points while he maintained this posture. I’m sure the stalwart spread offense defender would immediately ask me if I liked Zook more. Of course I don’t, I’m merely saying the Meyer looks like Cougar from Top Gun after the run in with the MIG. He might even have a picture of his kids in his pocket that he looks at during games. Its time for the bald, shittalking Captain of the ship to give Coug a good talking to. Meyer makes huge dollars, there is no excuse for this type of failure. I know I’m supposed to “give him a break” because of the national titles but he’s not the same coach that won those titles. In the early years he adapted and did what it takes. Now, he merely looks Addazio in the eye and says “it worked in practice, right?”
I understand I’m that guy now. The overreacting, bad fan. I don’t care. I love winning. If I failed like Meyer this year in my own career, I would be fired. I apply the same standard.
The offense is just pathetic. There is no way to describe how bad it is. Its not just a personnel issue.
The defense is sloppy and prone to giving up huge plays due to a Joe Lee Dunn style of blitzing.
That’s the 2010 Florida Gators. Don’t expect changes either. After all, it’s all about the system. Hopefully, someday is about winning again.
Mountaineers 500
Gators 0
ML
Appy State 12
Swing Pass U 2
CB
Appy 6
FLORIDA 34
3:30pm
CB
Ole Miss at LSU (-16)
Its funny, every once in a while this rivalry actually lives up to its potential. Every so often these teams put on a show that would make Billy Cannon stand up and cheer, the kind that would make Archie Manning opt for another face lift! Unfortunately this year, the Ole Miss winning streak over the Bayou Bengals will end in a big way. Its pretty clear that Les “Guess” Miles has proven that he isn’t the total hack we all thought he was with some bigtime wins this season. This can result in 1 of 2 things. Perhaps LSU, knowing now that their shot at the SEC title is officially kaput, will just mail this game in knowing its pretty much a lock while they think ahead towards Arkansas, or 2) LSU will roll the Rebels because that is what all the experts are saying. I hate to say this, but I think the latter is most likely to occur. I really dislike the Tigers, but they are the better team. If this were at night I would call for a record number of murders in Baton Rouge. Thankfully, it’s a day game.
Rebs 10
Tigs 25
EGM
Black Bears 13
Tigers 16
ML
Stuffed Bears 10
Drunk Tigers 34
7:00pm
ML
Arkansas at Mississippi State (+3)
I actually had to look up whether these two teams won or lost last week. It goes to show you how “checked-out” I’ve been since the worst performance by a Gator team in 20+ years. Arkansas predictably whipped up on UTEP, and their quarterback almost threw for as many TDs as the Gators have all year. I wonder how many swing passes Petrino called. Meanwhile, the Western Dawgs fell to ‘Bama, but look like a paragon of virtue if you believe the details of Cam-Gate. I actually blame the Gators for MSU’s loss. Bear with me. Since UF was the last “high profile” opponent before the Bama game, I think their DC was under the misapprehension that it was against the rules to throw the ball more than 6 yards down the field. How else can you explain 45 and 78 yard TD passes allowed? I think the Bulldogs will adjust, and play a soft zone against Mallett and try to force FGs. It will work, for a while…
Aerial Arky 29
Ground Dogs 20
CB
Ark 27
Miss St 26
EGM
Arky 31
Miss State 17
EGM
Tennessee at Vanderbilt (+9.5)
I could really care less about both of these teams. Tennessee has a few good players. Vandy has zero good players and a fat coach. I guess that’s worth about nine and half points.
Vols 21
Vandy 13
ML
UT 30
VU 10
CB
UT 38
Vandie 10
Last week was certainly a great week of football if you’re an Auburn or South Carolina fan. Unfortunately, I’m neither of those things so I’m down in the dumps trying to figure out what the NBA schedule is this Friday.
Malt Licker
Now that the Gator season is in shambles, thanks in no small part to Addazio, Mr. Mom Meyer and Johnny Brantley (nice catch dude), I’ve turned my attention to the soap opera coming out of the Plains in Alabama. This story has everything. Scumbag Supreme Bobby Lowder, the Victoryland Racino, tremendous luck by Auburn players at said Racino, Great Southern Wood, misappropriation of TARP funds, federal indictments, a crooked preacher (Cam’s Dad), the best player in the country and Joe Schad’s receding hairline. What more could you ask for? Oh yea, how bout we not lose at home to our former coach while registering 67 yards through three quarters? How bout no more swing passes when the entire defense is within 10 yards of the line of scrimmage? How bout blocking someone? Can we consider benching defensive ends that bring less pressure from the outside than Betty White and a quarterback with less pocket presence than a piece of lent? As for Mr. Mom Meyer, maybe your family should be satisfied with the $4 million daddy brings home and you should spend all your time making sure the product on the field warrants that salary.
Cuzzin Bailey
Okay this is the first time in I think forever, I had a personal attendance LOSING record. But that’s what we got here. I made an impromptu trip to Gainesville last Saturday and now I have seen ONE win and THREE losses this season. Pathetic. And to top off a great weekend, on Monday the media ran with a story that stated that Steve Adazzio was definitely coming back next season. Here’s the rub: at the press conference, Meyer was asked if Adazz would be fired, he said, “no I don’t think so.” Does that sound like a rousing endorsement to you???? I hate sports reporters sometimes, but then again I’m addicted to twitter, so there’s really nothing I can do about this. Speaking of Twitter, I past my thousandth Tweet early this week. Can you believe you have already missed 1000 examples of my awesomeness? Its not too late. Really ain’t too many exciting games this weekend with all the bigtime rivalries next weekend. In regards to the Gators, while I am terribly disappointed by the outcome last weekend and hell, the entire season, I am hopeful that our headcoach, who has won 2 National Titles and 2 SEC championships is fully capable of righting this ship. It looks dark, but it would be foolish for anyone to call for Meyer to be fired. And one more thing, anyone who was “HAPPY” when Spurrier beat us last weekend should take all of his Gator gear, put in a box and send it off to someone who isn’t a total sellout. If you do this I will personally send you a Gamecock hat, and staple it to your Benedict Arnold head. Spurrier is NOT your friend if you are a Gator. He did some wonderful things at UF and then left us high and dry, and THEN became a coach at a division RIVAL. Not saying I wish he had never coached the Gators, but that he sure is acting like it meant nothing to him. To everyone who said, “CuzzinBailey, you’re over reacting. He’s going to USC, he’ll never challenge us for the SEC East,” well I have a word for you, and it ain’t pretty. Hey if you want some exciting not-so-breaking news, follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey It’ll change your life.
Bye Week: Auburn; Georgia; Kentucky
Thursday
7:30pm
CB
Georgia State at Alabama (NL)
Well with Auburn beating regular Georgia last weekend, the West was locked up too. Devastating perhaps to the Tide as an Iron Bowl win won’t mean as much as it could have meant. That isn’t to say Bama would LOVE to ruin an otherwise perfect season for the Tigers. Georgia State plays teams I swear I have never heard of and a few that surprised me that they have football teams. GSU lost to Old Dominion. That should say it all here kids. The Tide could struggle all day long but that isn’t going to change anything. Crimson Tide roll in this one, playing mostly backups and to tune up for their chances to send Cam Newton to the NFL with no Heisman and no chance at a National Title. Nope, all that kid’s gonna carry with him, other than a humongous amount of baggage, is an SEC title ring that will be taken away almost as quickly as it was won.
Jawja State 3
Bama 63
EGM
Who really cares?
ML
Bill Curry U 0
Bama 99
Saturday
12:21pm
ML
Troy at South Carolina (-23)
It’s weird. I don’t feel anger toward the ol’ ball coach, but at the same time I didn’t feel a tinge of joy or happiness that he won the East. Let’s be honest, it is highly unlikely the rest of the East will be this down again, so if SC were ever going to win the division it had to be this year. Unless of course the Gators decide to bring back Addazio and double down on the spread with John Brantley, then they just have to worry about Georgia. I fully expect Troy to cover this week. After all, SC will have a bit of a hangover and last time I heard Troy doesn’t have a Pop Warner offense.
Trojans 17
Cocks 30
CB
Troy 16
Cocks 27
EGM
Trojans 13
Cocks 31
12:30pm
EGM
Appalachian State at Florida (NL)
What a pathetic showing for the Gators on Saturday night. They looked thoroughly unprepared and unmotivated. I can’t blame things like that on the coach, right? I mean gameplanning, adapting to personnel issues, putting players in the right situations are not things coaches should really do, right? The job of coach is to find a system, put the system into place, hope the players are suited for the system, and sit back and watch the results. If the results are not good, double down on the system and start splitting fours (i.e. run the same plays only faster). Urban Meyer had the dumbfounded gaze of Ron Zook on Saturday night. The only different thing is that Zook’s teams scored points while he maintained this posture. I’m sure the stalwart spread offense defender would immediately ask me if I liked Zook more. Of course I don’t, I’m merely saying the Meyer looks like Cougar from Top Gun after the run in with the MIG. He might even have a picture of his kids in his pocket that he looks at during games. Its time for the bald, shittalking Captain of the ship to give Coug a good talking to. Meyer makes huge dollars, there is no excuse for this type of failure. I know I’m supposed to “give him a break” because of the national titles but he’s not the same coach that won those titles. In the early years he adapted and did what it takes. Now, he merely looks Addazio in the eye and says “it worked in practice, right?”
I understand I’m that guy now. The overreacting, bad fan. I don’t care. I love winning. If I failed like Meyer this year in my own career, I would be fired. I apply the same standard.
The offense is just pathetic. There is no way to describe how bad it is. Its not just a personnel issue.
The defense is sloppy and prone to giving up huge plays due to a Joe Lee Dunn style of blitzing.
That’s the 2010 Florida Gators. Don’t expect changes either. After all, it’s all about the system. Hopefully, someday is about winning again.
Mountaineers 500
Gators 0
ML
Appy State 12
Swing Pass U 2
CB
Appy 6
FLORIDA 34
3:30pm
CB
Ole Miss at LSU (-16)
Its funny, every once in a while this rivalry actually lives up to its potential. Every so often these teams put on a show that would make Billy Cannon stand up and cheer, the kind that would make Archie Manning opt for another face lift! Unfortunately this year, the Ole Miss winning streak over the Bayou Bengals will end in a big way. Its pretty clear that Les “Guess” Miles has proven that he isn’t the total hack we all thought he was with some bigtime wins this season. This can result in 1 of 2 things. Perhaps LSU, knowing now that their shot at the SEC title is officially kaput, will just mail this game in knowing its pretty much a lock while they think ahead towards Arkansas, or 2) LSU will roll the Rebels because that is what all the experts are saying. I hate to say this, but I think the latter is most likely to occur. I really dislike the Tigers, but they are the better team. If this were at night I would call for a record number of murders in Baton Rouge. Thankfully, it’s a day game.
Rebs 10
Tigs 25
EGM
Black Bears 13
Tigers 16
ML
Stuffed Bears 10
Drunk Tigers 34
7:00pm
ML
Arkansas at Mississippi State (+3)
I actually had to look up whether these two teams won or lost last week. It goes to show you how “checked-out” I’ve been since the worst performance by a Gator team in 20+ years. Arkansas predictably whipped up on UTEP, and their quarterback almost threw for as many TDs as the Gators have all year. I wonder how many swing passes Petrino called. Meanwhile, the Western Dawgs fell to ‘Bama, but look like a paragon of virtue if you believe the details of Cam-Gate. I actually blame the Gators for MSU’s loss. Bear with me. Since UF was the last “high profile” opponent before the Bama game, I think their DC was under the misapprehension that it was against the rules to throw the ball more than 6 yards down the field. How else can you explain 45 and 78 yard TD passes allowed? I think the Bulldogs will adjust, and play a soft zone against Mallett and try to force FGs. It will work, for a while…
Aerial Arky 29
Ground Dogs 20
CB
Ark 27
Miss St 26
EGM
Arky 31
Miss State 17
EGM
Tennessee at Vanderbilt (+9.5)
I could really care less about both of these teams. Tennessee has a few good players. Vandy has zero good players and a fat coach. I guess that’s worth about nine and half points.
Vols 21
Vandy 13
ML
UT 30
VU 10
CB
UT 38
Vandie 10
Friday, November 12, 2010
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC 2010 - WEEK XI
Cuzzin Bailey
To start off I want to say, Happy Birthday to my Sister!! As long as everyone in St Pete keeps referring to you as “(Cuzzin Bailey’s) younger sister,” I’ll go along with it! Also, I had an amazing time with my fiancé last weekend in Oxford, MS. From the company to the food to the entertainment, everything was perfect. Its always fun to go to another SEC game when the Gator aren’t playing. Sure I was going for the home team, but it wasn’t stressful at all, and let’s be honest, being able to have your own bottle of Beam and not have to worry about getting pinched is a big deal. So back to the present; after a thorough drubbing of the Commodores last weekend, the winner of the USC/UF game is poised to be the first 3 (SEC game) loss participant since the 2002 Arkansas team that lost to UGA (who was kept out of a National Championship appearance thanks to the Zook led Gators!!!) Anyways, I just found out yesterday morning that I have a ticket for the game so I will be participating in the “Blue-Out!” Hell, I know its cheesy, but I like Meyer’s moxie. He doesn’t care that this will be described by some haters as “Fake Juice,” he is using it as a rallying cry and I hope everyone in the Swamp rings the bell. Anyways, I was just thinking about this looking at my slate today: a little heads up to the two ways I can write about a game. If its full of fun and jokes and sarcasm, I’m having fun and put a lot of time into it; if all you see are stats, no exclamation points, and straight down-to-business picking, not only do I not care about the game, but I know very little about one or both of the opponents and consider the task to be wasting my time!!! Enjoy, but honestly, how can you NOT after all that…if you want to be part of the CuzzinBailey Army follow my lead/link: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey
El Gran Mono
After a fairly calm weekend, we now move to Division Championship Week. I have yet to see any simpleton names put forward by ESPN’s gang of ad men. I guess they are too busy focusing on Boise State and unsubstantiated rumors concerning Cam Newton. The lawyer in me says this guy is receiving some unjust criticism considering the basis of everything is “unnamed sources”. However, things are starting to pile up and my asshole detector is registering some high readings. I can’t wait to watch the Gator game solo at a bar in Manhattan, if you are in NYC, send me a tweet @elgranmono1865. I might just buy you a Clausthaler...or a Brooklyn Lager if you are lucky.
Malt Licker
What a weird season…after a dreadful October our beloved Gators find themselves facing Spurdog, the architect of our emergence as a dominant program, for a chance to win another Eastern division crown and the right to get spanked by the western champ in Atlanta. Has there ever been this much of a disparity between East and West? Whoever wins in the Swamp tomorrow would probably be fighting with Ole Miss to stay out of the cellar in the West. Since starting out 18-16, I’ve correctly picked 85% of my games (trust me) so you should liquidate all assets and make wagers based on the following prognostications. Also, I’ll be rendezvousing with Cuzzin’ Bailey at the Salty Dog Saloon, where I am always receptive to my fans buying me drinks. It’s the least you can do.
12:00pm
CB
Ole Miss at Tennessee (-2)
So after watching the Rebel Bears struggle a bit with Louisiana-Lafayette last weekend, I am weary of picking them. But then again, Tennessee basically has to win out at this late in the season to become bowl eligible. Just a few thoughts that entered my skull last weekend in Oxford: The Grove is (aside from Florida/Jax) the best tailgating I have seen in the conference. I can’t fairly compare it to UF since I am so biased but, here’s the rundown, Grove: tons of tents, mostly catered, lots of flat-screens, beautiful southern people, just a happy fun time; Knoxville, a dump, mean angry people, blindingly gut-wrenching Orange that looks like an unripe naranja. (Sorry, just didn’t feel like typing orange twice in one sentence). ANYWAYS, in regards to the game, you got a not great Ole Miss defense against a rookie QB that tore up Memphis state last weekend; and in the other corner we have the Rebel Bears who have the ability to score and that will be important since UT almost lost to UAB earlier in the season. I like a marginally high-scoring affair (say in the 30s), and we may get blessed with some more Overtime…
Reb-Bears 32
Vuls 31
EGM
Black Bears 28
Vols 24
ML
Smokey the Bear 24
Smokey Mountain U 20
12:21pm
EGM
Vanderbilt at Kentucky (-14)
This game is typically the punchline of a joke and this year is no exception. Vanderbilt has one of the worst offenses in the country. Cuz has a rocket arm compared to their QB and I’m pretty sure the Licker has better moves than their tailback. Also, their coach is fat. As for Kentucky, its pretty clear that Bluegrass country has already moved in to basketball season. The boosters are filling the hoops players with cash and the football team has nothing but jealousy in their eyes. In spite of this, the game sets up pretty well for the Wildcats because their offense isn’t half bad and Vandy’s defense is bad on the road. Fourteen points seems like a lot, but I like the Cats big.
Fat Coach 10
Randall Cobb 28
ML
VanderSuck 12
Kats 31
CB
Nerds 13
Kats 34
3:30pm
EGM
Georgia at Auburn (-8.5)
East Georgia v. West Georgia. The haves v. the have nots. The balding, has been coach v. the thick haired, rockstar coach.
Auburn clearly looks like a team of destiny at this point and I’m sure some people are wondering why that line is so low given UGA’s record. Well, I was actually thinking it was too HIGH. The Dawgs have been the victim of a brutal schedule and some close losses. They can move the ball on offense and Auburn’s defense is fairly porous. However, after being shredded by Johnny Brantley and Co., UGA doesn’t stand a chance of stopping Cthulhu Cam Newton. This game might resemble that Arkansas-Auburn game of several weeks ago. The result should also be the same.
Dawgs 31
Tigers 35
ML
UGA 20
Cam U 27
CB
Dawgs 23
PlainsEagles 30
7:00pm
CB
UTEP at Arkansas (-28)
Sports, football, blah blah. This is a prime example of a game I could care less about. Alls I know here is that Arkansas beat up on the first place team in the SEC EAST last weekend; and UTEP just ended a 3 game losing streak. God I can’t even concentrate on this. Look, the 3 teams UTEP most recently lost to have a combined record of 9 and 19. The Miners are gonna get left in the mine with no oxygen…ugh, that didn’t feel right when I typed it. I’m sorry
Miners 3
Hawgs 40
EGM
Miners 10
Arky 41
ML
Miners 3
Hawgs 33
ML
Louisiana-Monroe at LSU (-32.5)
He mismanages clocks, he wins games. He eats grass. He wins games. He can’t clap. He wins games. Say what you want about the Mad Hatter, but the man wins games. You may call it lucky or wonder who holds the deed to his soul, but make no mistake; Les Miles is entertaining and good for the SEC. If you are flipping through the dial and you see that LSU is on, you will stop and see if it’s a close game to watch chaos ensue. With all that said, the reverse call on 4th and 1 against Bama is one of the best I’ve ever seen. LSU will win comfortably, but not cover, which you can do when favored by 30+.
Lou-Mo 6
L-S-U 35
CB
Lou-Mon 10
LSU 40
EGM
LaMo 6
Tigers 35
7:15pm
ML
Mississippi State at Alabama (-13.5)
This just in…anonymous sources out of Starkville say they have confirmation that Nick Saban spends his free time sodomizing wild turkeys while drinking the blood of saber-toothed tigers. If it comes out of Starkville, and is anonymous, you know it must be true. Speaking of Starkville anonymity, how about their entire team? Can you name one guy on their squad off the top of your head? Me either. This game has all the makings of an angry beat down. After two losses, the Tide is no longer Target #1 and would love to take out some frustration on their little brothers from Starkville. The Western Dawgs are riding high behind a six game winning streak and are feeling disrespected by the large point spread. Can they find running room against a chastened ‘Bama D? It needs to happen for this game to remain close.
Running on Empty 9
Tide 28
CB
Miss State 13
Bama 28
EGM
Miss State 10
Bama 24
CB
South Carolina at Florida (-6.5)
This IS the SEC EAST CHAMPIONSHIP GAME ladies and gentlemen! I am making such a big deal about this for a number of reasons: 1) The odds are we’ll probably be underdogs in Atlanta; 2) No one expected this after we lost 3 games in October; and 3) Probably most important of all, I’m GONNA BE THERE!!! That’s right, 2/3 of the BourbonBoys will be in attendance for the Meyer requested Blue-Out. EGM would mock that. I support rally cries, I like unity for the greater good!!! Gators halted a 3 game skid by beating the hated Dawgs in overtime and then humiliating the Commodores in front of their parents. This year Spurrier returns to the Swamp, this time with the ability to not only ruin Florida’s season, but make this one historic for the Cocks. Man he was such a great Coach for UF. I am so happy for the great success he brought our program, but let’s be honest, HE IS COACHING OUR OPPONENT NOW! Why would anyone be “happy for Steve” if he leads the Gamecocks to the SEC title game? Why does that make sense? It ain’t like we fired him or anything. Anyways, I doubt that’s gonna be an issue to anyone other than the select alumni that are still missing SOS. The seniors on our team were freshmen in high school in 2002, Ron Zook’s first year. Anyway, UF offense is starting to click, and a good offense is probably gonna be enough to at least out-gun the Cocks. I’m going with the Home Crowd…shockingly enough.
Cocks 23
GATORS 32
EGM
Cocks 21
Gators 24
ML
Cocks 20
Gators 24
To start off I want to say, Happy Birthday to my Sister!! As long as everyone in St Pete keeps referring to you as “(Cuzzin Bailey’s) younger sister,” I’ll go along with it! Also, I had an amazing time with my fiancé last weekend in Oxford, MS. From the company to the food to the entertainment, everything was perfect. Its always fun to go to another SEC game when the Gator aren’t playing. Sure I was going for the home team, but it wasn’t stressful at all, and let’s be honest, being able to have your own bottle of Beam and not have to worry about getting pinched is a big deal. So back to the present; after a thorough drubbing of the Commodores last weekend, the winner of the USC/UF game is poised to be the first 3 (SEC game) loss participant since the 2002 Arkansas team that lost to UGA (who was kept out of a National Championship appearance thanks to the Zook led Gators!!!) Anyways, I just found out yesterday morning that I have a ticket for the game so I will be participating in the “Blue-Out!” Hell, I know its cheesy, but I like Meyer’s moxie. He doesn’t care that this will be described by some haters as “Fake Juice,” he is using it as a rallying cry and I hope everyone in the Swamp rings the bell. Anyways, I was just thinking about this looking at my slate today: a little heads up to the two ways I can write about a game. If its full of fun and jokes and sarcasm, I’m having fun and put a lot of time into it; if all you see are stats, no exclamation points, and straight down-to-business picking, not only do I not care about the game, but I know very little about one or both of the opponents and consider the task to be wasting my time!!! Enjoy, but honestly, how can you NOT after all that…if you want to be part of the CuzzinBailey Army follow my lead/link: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey
El Gran Mono
After a fairly calm weekend, we now move to Division Championship Week. I have yet to see any simpleton names put forward by ESPN’s gang of ad men. I guess they are too busy focusing on Boise State and unsubstantiated rumors concerning Cam Newton. The lawyer in me says this guy is receiving some unjust criticism considering the basis of everything is “unnamed sources”. However, things are starting to pile up and my asshole detector is registering some high readings. I can’t wait to watch the Gator game solo at a bar in Manhattan, if you are in NYC, send me a tweet @elgranmono1865. I might just buy you a Clausthaler...or a Brooklyn Lager if you are lucky.
Malt Licker
What a weird season…after a dreadful October our beloved Gators find themselves facing Spurdog, the architect of our emergence as a dominant program, for a chance to win another Eastern division crown and the right to get spanked by the western champ in Atlanta. Has there ever been this much of a disparity between East and West? Whoever wins in the Swamp tomorrow would probably be fighting with Ole Miss to stay out of the cellar in the West. Since starting out 18-16, I’ve correctly picked 85% of my games (trust me) so you should liquidate all assets and make wagers based on the following prognostications. Also, I’ll be rendezvousing with Cuzzin’ Bailey at the Salty Dog Saloon, where I am always receptive to my fans buying me drinks. It’s the least you can do.
12:00pm
CB
Ole Miss at Tennessee (-2)
So after watching the Rebel Bears struggle a bit with Louisiana-Lafayette last weekend, I am weary of picking them. But then again, Tennessee basically has to win out at this late in the season to become bowl eligible. Just a few thoughts that entered my skull last weekend in Oxford: The Grove is (aside from Florida/Jax) the best tailgating I have seen in the conference. I can’t fairly compare it to UF since I am so biased but, here’s the rundown, Grove: tons of tents, mostly catered, lots of flat-screens, beautiful southern people, just a happy fun time; Knoxville, a dump, mean angry people, blindingly gut-wrenching Orange that looks like an unripe naranja. (Sorry, just didn’t feel like typing orange twice in one sentence). ANYWAYS, in regards to the game, you got a not great Ole Miss defense against a rookie QB that tore up Memphis state last weekend; and in the other corner we have the Rebel Bears who have the ability to score and that will be important since UT almost lost to UAB earlier in the season. I like a marginally high-scoring affair (say in the 30s), and we may get blessed with some more Overtime…
Reb-Bears 32
Vuls 31
EGM
Black Bears 28
Vols 24
ML
Smokey the Bear 24
Smokey Mountain U 20
12:21pm
EGM
Vanderbilt at Kentucky (-14)
This game is typically the punchline of a joke and this year is no exception. Vanderbilt has one of the worst offenses in the country. Cuz has a rocket arm compared to their QB and I’m pretty sure the Licker has better moves than their tailback. Also, their coach is fat. As for Kentucky, its pretty clear that Bluegrass country has already moved in to basketball season. The boosters are filling the hoops players with cash and the football team has nothing but jealousy in their eyes. In spite of this, the game sets up pretty well for the Wildcats because their offense isn’t half bad and Vandy’s defense is bad on the road. Fourteen points seems like a lot, but I like the Cats big.
Fat Coach 10
Randall Cobb 28
ML
VanderSuck 12
Kats 31
CB
Nerds 13
Kats 34
3:30pm
EGM
Georgia at Auburn (-8.5)
East Georgia v. West Georgia. The haves v. the have nots. The balding, has been coach v. the thick haired, rockstar coach.
Auburn clearly looks like a team of destiny at this point and I’m sure some people are wondering why that line is so low given UGA’s record. Well, I was actually thinking it was too HIGH. The Dawgs have been the victim of a brutal schedule and some close losses. They can move the ball on offense and Auburn’s defense is fairly porous. However, after being shredded by Johnny Brantley and Co., UGA doesn’t stand a chance of stopping Cthulhu Cam Newton. This game might resemble that Arkansas-Auburn game of several weeks ago. The result should also be the same.
Dawgs 31
Tigers 35
ML
UGA 20
Cam U 27
CB
Dawgs 23
PlainsEagles 30
7:00pm
CB
UTEP at Arkansas (-28)
Sports, football, blah blah. This is a prime example of a game I could care less about. Alls I know here is that Arkansas beat up on the first place team in the SEC EAST last weekend; and UTEP just ended a 3 game losing streak. God I can’t even concentrate on this. Look, the 3 teams UTEP most recently lost to have a combined record of 9 and 19. The Miners are gonna get left in the mine with no oxygen…ugh, that didn’t feel right when I typed it. I’m sorry
Miners 3
Hawgs 40
EGM
Miners 10
Arky 41
ML
Miners 3
Hawgs 33
ML
Louisiana-Monroe at LSU (-32.5)
He mismanages clocks, he wins games. He eats grass. He wins games. He can’t clap. He wins games. Say what you want about the Mad Hatter, but the man wins games. You may call it lucky or wonder who holds the deed to his soul, but make no mistake; Les Miles is entertaining and good for the SEC. If you are flipping through the dial and you see that LSU is on, you will stop and see if it’s a close game to watch chaos ensue. With all that said, the reverse call on 4th and 1 against Bama is one of the best I’ve ever seen. LSU will win comfortably, but not cover, which you can do when favored by 30+.
Lou-Mo 6
L-S-U 35
CB
Lou-Mon 10
LSU 40
EGM
LaMo 6
Tigers 35
7:15pm
ML
Mississippi State at Alabama (-13.5)
This just in…anonymous sources out of Starkville say they have confirmation that Nick Saban spends his free time sodomizing wild turkeys while drinking the blood of saber-toothed tigers. If it comes out of Starkville, and is anonymous, you know it must be true. Speaking of Starkville anonymity, how about their entire team? Can you name one guy on their squad off the top of your head? Me either. This game has all the makings of an angry beat down. After two losses, the Tide is no longer Target #1 and would love to take out some frustration on their little brothers from Starkville. The Western Dawgs are riding high behind a six game winning streak and are feeling disrespected by the large point spread. Can they find running room against a chastened ‘Bama D? It needs to happen for this game to remain close.
Running on Empty 9
Tide 28
CB
Miss State 13
Bama 28
EGM
Miss State 10
Bama 24
CB
South Carolina at Florida (-6.5)
This IS the SEC EAST CHAMPIONSHIP GAME ladies and gentlemen! I am making such a big deal about this for a number of reasons: 1) The odds are we’ll probably be underdogs in Atlanta; 2) No one expected this after we lost 3 games in October; and 3) Probably most important of all, I’m GONNA BE THERE!!! That’s right, 2/3 of the BourbonBoys will be in attendance for the Meyer requested Blue-Out. EGM would mock that. I support rally cries, I like unity for the greater good!!! Gators halted a 3 game skid by beating the hated Dawgs in overtime and then humiliating the Commodores in front of their parents. This year Spurrier returns to the Swamp, this time with the ability to not only ruin Florida’s season, but make this one historic for the Cocks. Man he was such a great Coach for UF. I am so happy for the great success he brought our program, but let’s be honest, HE IS COACHING OUR OPPONENT NOW! Why would anyone be “happy for Steve” if he leads the Gamecocks to the SEC title game? Why does that make sense? It ain’t like we fired him or anything. Anyways, I doubt that’s gonna be an issue to anyone other than the select alumni that are still missing SOS. The seniors on our team were freshmen in high school in 2002, Ron Zook’s first year. Anyway, UF offense is starting to click, and a good offense is probably gonna be enough to at least out-gun the Cocks. I’m going with the Home Crowd…shockingly enough.
Cocks 23
GATORS 32
EGM
Cocks 21
Gators 24
ML
Cocks 20
Gators 24
Friday, November 05, 2010
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC Week X
Malt Licker
Should we really be excited? I mean, it is Georgia. Shouldn’t we consider it a loss since it took extra time to beat the Dawgies? Maybe we should, but I was psyched last week. It felt great to finally get a W and avoid going 0 for October, especially since I was convinced we couldn’t stop Orson Charles and AJ Green. There is one big game out west, as ‘Bama looks to sidestep the Mad Hatter and setup a huge Iron Bowl, but the rest of the SEC slate is underwhelming. That’s okay though, because I get to write about my adopted favorite team, Boise State!!!!
Cuzzin Bailey
Welcome back to reality everyone, and by that I mean they won’t lock you up on the loony bin to think the Gators have a decent shot at a trip to Hot-Lanta. In a thrilling OT victory over the hated Bulldyk..DOGS, the Gators have “resurrected” their season and with some destruction this weekend, we’ll be one game away from glory. (And by “glory” I mean our opportunity to go 0-fer the SEC West this year). Anyways, wrapping up the Horror movie theme, last night I watched a movie El Gran Mono wouldn’t be caught dead watching…the new version of Nightmare on Elm Street. EGM is a traditionalist when it comes to movies; he will NEVER watch a remake. You have to respect that line in the sand, HE WON’T DO IT! Anyways, the movie was REALLY scary. Not fun and campy like the Jason movies, and very graphic unlike Halloween. Kind of like the Gators…remember when it was fun to watch our team and not terrible nerve-racking? For most of this season I have watched us play with a hand over my eyes just in case Freddy’s gonna jump out of a freaking mirror and kill someone (and he does). Well hopefully those days are over, I’m liking this triple threat QB system we have going here, (one passes, one runs fast, one runs big)…So basically its taking 3 dudes to do what one kid did here for 4 years. And you know what? I don’t give a crap! I hope JB is being honest when he says it doesn’t bother him…actually, I don’t care. All I really care about is winning (oh and doing “the right way,” HAHA just kidding). GO GATORS! If you want to follow nonsensical sports and other topics on twitter, follow me and then delete me…it happens: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey
El Gran Mono
I am now on Zocor, that’s what the Gators have driven me to. However, I guess that’s better than the cocktail of anti-depressants and erection drugs that UGA fans have been on for the last 21 years. I’ll let Cuzz’ Bailey, #1 Gator enthusiast cover the rest of the game because I’m only going to bring people down. As for the rest of the SEC/NCAA, Roadblock Saturday proved to be a true obstacle to faux BCS chances (see Mizzou and Sparty). Oregon had no trouble with the father and son hack combo. Oregon State and Arizona are all that stands between the Ducks and 17 point loss to Alabama on a Monday night in January. That’s right, I’m not buying the Ducks against a real defense. I think they are good but remind me a lot of 2008 Joklahoma. And that Sooner team, had a much better QB, OLine and defense.
As for this week, I fully expect a war between the Tide and Tigers and more Cam Newton rumors…
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Mississippi State – OFF WEEK
12:21pm
CB
Florida at Vanderbilt (-14)
As I’m sure you all are aware of by now, the Gators are 2 SEC wins away from going back to the SEC Champ game, something that seemed ludicrous as recent as last week. Now I know this is a “trap game,” but this isn’t your slightly older friend’s Vandy. There’s no Jay Cutler and … hell there’s no coach. The Commodores are giving up 9 more points per game than they are getting. That is just pathetic. I know that historically we have struggled with Vandy, but I think this year, given the importance, we have no reason to be looking past Nashville. Since beating Eastern Michigan on October 9th, Vandy has lost its last three games by a combined total of 113 to 21. Disgusting. Oh yea, one of those losses was to UGA who the Gators beat last weekend in the Cocktail Party!!!! My God we had such a good time. Perfect day for tailgating, so much food and drink, and my secret boxer-pocket worked flawlessly!! 10 airplane bottles of Jim Beam joined me at my seat…it was amazing. Oh yea, Gators cover…no problem.
FLORIDA 32
Vandie 7
EGM
Gators 23
Dores 10
ML
Gators 31
Dores 10
12:30pm
ML
Idaho State at Georgia (NL)
Whooo hoo Boise State…wait, your saying its not Boise, but Idaho State? I thought there was only one school in my beloved Gem State. Oh well, UGA needs to find a way to beat the Bengals from Pocatello, who are currently 1-7 and winless in the Big Sky conference. Hopefully they’ll be able to gather together their shattered dreams and make it to .500 with a W over the Bengals. I’d really rather talk about Boise State, who face a tough test this week, against the Rainbow Warriors, who are the last team to beat Boise in the regular season. Yea that’s right, my beloved Broncos have won 32 regular season games in a row! Getting back to Georgia, can we all relax about their assistant giving Chas the choke sign? It’s not that big a deal. Everyone needs to lighten up. It has gotten out of control, as we have now reached the point where basketball players need to make sure their trash-talk is not “insensitive.”
Big Skyy 3
Big Choke 43
CB
Sacrificial Bengals 6
Reeling Dawgs 54
EGM
PotaTOEs 13
Dawgs 51
EGM
Charleston Southern at Kentucky (NL)
There always seem to be a few of these matchups late in the season between SEC teams and D-IAA teams. Thank goodness for the 12th game! Watch Randall Cobb, he’s worth it.
Ft. Sumter 10
Ft. Knox 42
ML
Buccaneers 6
Cats 55
CB
Challston Suthun 5
Kiats 43
1:00pm
CB
Chattanooga at Auburn (NL)
Since there is no line here, and its clear who the winner will be, let me just take a second to say: this Auburn team reminds me of the 2007 Gator squad (minus the losses); Great offense, outstanding, fun to watch, but terrible defense. Of course they have two more rivalry games to go, and losing to Bama could destroy a stellar season! Here’s to that! I hate Auburn
Nooga 10
Ah-Barn 100
EGM
Chattanooga 3
Plainsmen 52
ML
FCS Mocs 3
Awbarn 60
3:30pm
ML
Alabama at LSU (+6.5)
Can the Mad Hatter do it again? It’s a battle of one-loss powerhouses in Death Valley. ‘Bama controls their own destiny on the road to Atlanta, but LSU can’t get there without some help. It sounds like a broken record, but to beat ‘Bama you must make them one dimensional, and then put heat on McElroy. Rinse. Repeat. Then the Tigers need 2 or 3 big plays, whether via defense, special teams, or the lucky horseshoe stuck in Les Miles’ ass. Typically Satan’s teams avoid these plays, but some crazy stuff can happen down on the Bayou.
Tide Rolling On 28
Luck Running Out 10
CB
EGM
Bama 13
LSU 10
ML
TCU at Utah (+6)
Game of the Week baby! Is this game at night? It should be. These two teams deserve prime time coverage. It’s a battle for Mountain West supremacy, and the Utes will be looking to avenge last years shellacking in Fort Worth. This matchup is what football is all about! Two highly disciplined teams with dynamic offenses and gutty defenses clash in Mormon-land. Look for the home underdogs to get off to a quick start. However, I think Gary Patterson and Andy Dalton will quickly recover and open up a comfortable lead in the second half.
Horned Frogs 34
Yoots 17
CB
Horny Toads 34
Utar 38
EGM
Frogs 21
Utes 17
7:00pm
CB
Louisiana-Lafayette at Ole Miss (-27)
In an effort to be a fair and balanced and informed journalist, I will personally be attending this game to see what Vaught-Hemingway has to offer at a night game! Very excited! Obviously I’m going to see my Bourbongirl, but this is going to be a nice treat! I love watching SEC games in which I don’t have to worry about Florida losing. Clearly the Rebs are gonna win this one. But I have no idea what Lou-La has to offer so I’m just gonna guess here. Looked like Ole Miss gave Arkansas a run for their money and dropped 30 plus on Auburn’s porous defense, so I doubt Houston’s boys will have trouble scoring, but…oh wait, the Ragin’ Cajuns have lost 4 straight and only have 2 Ws on the season. I think Ole Miss wins, but 27 is too much for my blood.
Cajuns 13
Rebears 39
EGM
LaLaf 6
Sellouts 51
ML
Lou-La 3
Gummi-Bears 44
EGM
Arkansas at South Carolina (-3)
Second best game of the week in the SEC…would be even better if these two teams knew how to hang on in the fourth quarter. Both the teams feature excitable QBs, one with a great beard, one with a great arm. The difference in the two teams is USC’s ability to play defense and run the ball. I fully expect Spurdog pound the rock with Lattimore as much as possible to limit Mallet’s chances. The cocks should come up with enough stops to get the win.
Arky 21
USC 25
ML
Hawgs 31
Cocks 27
CB
Arks 26
Cocks 27
8:00pm
EGM
Tennessee at Memphis (OFF)
The state of Tennessee may know how to vote properly but their football programs are way down. Memphis has never been a powerhouse but they used to be semi-competitive in CUSA. Tennessee was a perennial participant in the Outback/Citrus Bowl for a decade but has now resorted to touring WWII battlefields in early January. Not a good situation for either team. Earlier in the year, UAB should have beaten the Vols. Can the Tigers even the score for CUSA?
MSU 13
Vols 21
CB
UT 34
Memphis State 27
ML
Vols 23
Tigers 3
Should we really be excited? I mean, it is Georgia. Shouldn’t we consider it a loss since it took extra time to beat the Dawgies? Maybe we should, but I was psyched last week. It felt great to finally get a W and avoid going 0 for October, especially since I was convinced we couldn’t stop Orson Charles and AJ Green. There is one big game out west, as ‘Bama looks to sidestep the Mad Hatter and setup a huge Iron Bowl, but the rest of the SEC slate is underwhelming. That’s okay though, because I get to write about my adopted favorite team, Boise State!!!!
Cuzzin Bailey
Welcome back to reality everyone, and by that I mean they won’t lock you up on the loony bin to think the Gators have a decent shot at a trip to Hot-Lanta. In a thrilling OT victory over the hated Bulldyk..DOGS, the Gators have “resurrected” their season and with some destruction this weekend, we’ll be one game away from glory. (And by “glory” I mean our opportunity to go 0-fer the SEC West this year). Anyways, wrapping up the Horror movie theme, last night I watched a movie El Gran Mono wouldn’t be caught dead watching…the new version of Nightmare on Elm Street. EGM is a traditionalist when it comes to movies; he will NEVER watch a remake. You have to respect that line in the sand, HE WON’T DO IT! Anyways, the movie was REALLY scary. Not fun and campy like the Jason movies, and very graphic unlike Halloween. Kind of like the Gators…remember when it was fun to watch our team and not terrible nerve-racking? For most of this season I have watched us play with a hand over my eyes just in case Freddy’s gonna jump out of a freaking mirror and kill someone (and he does). Well hopefully those days are over, I’m liking this triple threat QB system we have going here, (one passes, one runs fast, one runs big)…So basically its taking 3 dudes to do what one kid did here for 4 years. And you know what? I don’t give a crap! I hope JB is being honest when he says it doesn’t bother him…actually, I don’t care. All I really care about is winning (oh and doing “the right way,” HAHA just kidding). GO GATORS! If you want to follow nonsensical sports and other topics on twitter, follow me and then delete me…it happens: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey
El Gran Mono
I am now on Zocor, that’s what the Gators have driven me to. However, I guess that’s better than the cocktail of anti-depressants and erection drugs that UGA fans have been on for the last 21 years. I’ll let Cuzz’ Bailey, #1 Gator enthusiast cover the rest of the game because I’m only going to bring people down. As for the rest of the SEC/NCAA, Roadblock Saturday proved to be a true obstacle to faux BCS chances (see Mizzou and Sparty). Oregon had no trouble with the father and son hack combo. Oregon State and Arizona are all that stands between the Ducks and 17 point loss to Alabama on a Monday night in January. That’s right, I’m not buying the Ducks against a real defense. I think they are good but remind me a lot of 2008 Joklahoma. And that Sooner team, had a much better QB, OLine and defense.
As for this week, I fully expect a war between the Tide and Tigers and more Cam Newton rumors…
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Mississippi State – OFF WEEK
12:21pm
CB
Florida at Vanderbilt (-14)
As I’m sure you all are aware of by now, the Gators are 2 SEC wins away from going back to the SEC Champ game, something that seemed ludicrous as recent as last week. Now I know this is a “trap game,” but this isn’t your slightly older friend’s Vandy. There’s no Jay Cutler and … hell there’s no coach. The Commodores are giving up 9 more points per game than they are getting. That is just pathetic. I know that historically we have struggled with Vandy, but I think this year, given the importance, we have no reason to be looking past Nashville. Since beating Eastern Michigan on October 9th, Vandy has lost its last three games by a combined total of 113 to 21. Disgusting. Oh yea, one of those losses was to UGA who the Gators beat last weekend in the Cocktail Party!!!! My God we had such a good time. Perfect day for tailgating, so much food and drink, and my secret boxer-pocket worked flawlessly!! 10 airplane bottles of Jim Beam joined me at my seat…it was amazing. Oh yea, Gators cover…no problem.
FLORIDA 32
Vandie 7
EGM
Gators 23
Dores 10
ML
Gators 31
Dores 10
12:30pm
ML
Idaho State at Georgia (NL)
Whooo hoo Boise State…wait, your saying its not Boise, but Idaho State? I thought there was only one school in my beloved Gem State. Oh well, UGA needs to find a way to beat the Bengals from Pocatello, who are currently 1-7 and winless in the Big Sky conference. Hopefully they’ll be able to gather together their shattered dreams and make it to .500 with a W over the Bengals. I’d really rather talk about Boise State, who face a tough test this week, against the Rainbow Warriors, who are the last team to beat Boise in the regular season. Yea that’s right, my beloved Broncos have won 32 regular season games in a row! Getting back to Georgia, can we all relax about their assistant giving Chas the choke sign? It’s not that big a deal. Everyone needs to lighten up. It has gotten out of control, as we have now reached the point where basketball players need to make sure their trash-talk is not “insensitive.”
Big Skyy 3
Big Choke 43
CB
Sacrificial Bengals 6
Reeling Dawgs 54
EGM
PotaTOEs 13
Dawgs 51
EGM
Charleston Southern at Kentucky (NL)
There always seem to be a few of these matchups late in the season between SEC teams and D-IAA teams. Thank goodness for the 12th game! Watch Randall Cobb, he’s worth it.
Ft. Sumter 10
Ft. Knox 42
ML
Buccaneers 6
Cats 55
CB
Challston Suthun 5
Kiats 43
1:00pm
CB
Chattanooga at Auburn (NL)
Since there is no line here, and its clear who the winner will be, let me just take a second to say: this Auburn team reminds me of the 2007 Gator squad (minus the losses); Great offense, outstanding, fun to watch, but terrible defense. Of course they have two more rivalry games to go, and losing to Bama could destroy a stellar season! Here’s to that! I hate Auburn
Nooga 10
Ah-Barn 100
EGM
Chattanooga 3
Plainsmen 52
ML
FCS Mocs 3
Awbarn 60
3:30pm
ML
Alabama at LSU (+6.5)
Can the Mad Hatter do it again? It’s a battle of one-loss powerhouses in Death Valley. ‘Bama controls their own destiny on the road to Atlanta, but LSU can’t get there without some help. It sounds like a broken record, but to beat ‘Bama you must make them one dimensional, and then put heat on McElroy. Rinse. Repeat. Then the Tigers need 2 or 3 big plays, whether via defense, special teams, or the lucky horseshoe stuck in Les Miles’ ass. Typically Satan’s teams avoid these plays, but some crazy stuff can happen down on the Bayou.
Tide Rolling On 28
Luck Running Out 10
CB
EGM
Bama 13
LSU 10
ML
TCU at Utah (+6)
Game of the Week baby! Is this game at night? It should be. These two teams deserve prime time coverage. It’s a battle for Mountain West supremacy, and the Utes will be looking to avenge last years shellacking in Fort Worth. This matchup is what football is all about! Two highly disciplined teams with dynamic offenses and gutty defenses clash in Mormon-land. Look for the home underdogs to get off to a quick start. However, I think Gary Patterson and Andy Dalton will quickly recover and open up a comfortable lead in the second half.
Horned Frogs 34
Yoots 17
CB
Horny Toads 34
Utar 38
EGM
Frogs 21
Utes 17
7:00pm
CB
Louisiana-Lafayette at Ole Miss (-27)
In an effort to be a fair and balanced and informed journalist, I will personally be attending this game to see what Vaught-Hemingway has to offer at a night game! Very excited! Obviously I’m going to see my Bourbongirl, but this is going to be a nice treat! I love watching SEC games in which I don’t have to worry about Florida losing. Clearly the Rebs are gonna win this one. But I have no idea what Lou-La has to offer so I’m just gonna guess here. Looked like Ole Miss gave Arkansas a run for their money and dropped 30 plus on Auburn’s porous defense, so I doubt Houston’s boys will have trouble scoring, but…oh wait, the Ragin’ Cajuns have lost 4 straight and only have 2 Ws on the season. I think Ole Miss wins, but 27 is too much for my blood.
Cajuns 13
Rebears 39
EGM
LaLaf 6
Sellouts 51
ML
Lou-La 3
Gummi-Bears 44
EGM
Arkansas at South Carolina (-3)
Second best game of the week in the SEC…would be even better if these two teams knew how to hang on in the fourth quarter. Both the teams feature excitable QBs, one with a great beard, one with a great arm. The difference in the two teams is USC’s ability to play defense and run the ball. I fully expect Spurdog pound the rock with Lattimore as much as possible to limit Mallet’s chances. The cocks should come up with enough stops to get the win.
Arky 21
USC 25
ML
Hawgs 31
Cocks 27
CB
Arks 26
Cocks 27
8:00pm
EGM
Tennessee at Memphis (OFF)
The state of Tennessee may know how to vote properly but their football programs are way down. Memphis has never been a powerhouse but they used to be semi-competitive in CUSA. Tennessee was a perennial participant in the Outback/Citrus Bowl for a decade but has now resorted to touring WWII battlefields in early January. Not a good situation for either team. Earlier in the year, UAB should have beaten the Vols. Can the Tigers even the score for CUSA?
MSU 13
Vols 21
CB
UT 34
Memphis State 27
ML
Vols 23
Tigers 3
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