Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC 2010 - WEEK XIII

Special Thanksgiving Week Edition!


Malt Licker
Rivalry Week!!! It’s the Iron Bowl! The Egg Bowl! Florida v. F$U! Clemson v. South Carolina! North Korea v. South Korea! Turkey v. Ham! Natalee Holloway v. Chandra Levy!

The Gators proved me wrong and beat up on Appy State to guarantee a winning season. WHOO HOO. Did you know App State actually took down the goalposts in their stadium with the expectation that their students would tear them down in the event of a win against the Gators? I’m certain that this is the only reason they lost. It had nothing to do with Johnny “I play like I just ate a huge plate of Turkey” Brantley. In fairness, Ahmad Black is such a badass he may have been able to beat App State by himself. After a bit of a snoozer this week (Mad Hatter excluded) there are a ton of interesting games this week. My Broncos from Boise face their last test before the BCS Title game, and the Tide look to end Auburn’s national title hopes before the NCAA does so retroactively.

Last week was a pretty boring week of football but this week should cure it. Tons of rivalry games and four days of football. And most importantly, no D-IAA teams. Enjoy the turkey and football.

Cuzzin Bailey
Its “hate week” all across the Country, and all throughout the SEC, with the obvious exception of Vanderbilt; and for 83.3333333333333% of the league these are the most important games of the year!! South Carolina, taking advantage of a clear down year in the SEC EAST (see what I did there, that’s called a “back-handed compliment”) plays Clemson in a pretty meaningless game to the Cocks. Auburn’s game against Bama is their most important one so far, however if they win there will be two more games in their future that’ll mean more. Speaking of Auburn my esteemed colleague, The Malt Licker, addressed their issues so well last week that there’s no point in rehashing all the details, but I just have one thing to add personally: If Newton isn’t as stupid as he is purporting himself to be, then I hope he gets whatever he has coming. He has played dumb this whole time and if comes out that he was behind or a part of this scheme from the get go, I hope he gets the serious Reggie Bush treatment (you know, making millions, shitting on his alma mater, banging a Kardashian). Either way, he HAS to be gone to the NFL, right? When the Gators face these Tigers on the road next year, we’re gonna need any advantage we can get. Anyways, as its Thanksgiving week, I just wanted to say that I have so much to be thankful for, great fiancée, great family, great friends! You can hear all about it and other insanity on Twittah at: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey

El Gran Mono


Friday, November 26, 2010

2:30pm
ML
Auburn at Alabama (-4)

Since Auburn has already clinched the division, this game is bigger nationally than it is in the SEC. Although natives to the Heart of Dixie would argue that this is the biggest game in the history of the universe, every year. Last year, these teams were in each others’ positions, with Auburn looking to shatter the dreams of the Crimson Tide. The roles are reversed this year. As I think about this game, I believe it will boil down to which squad’s defense is less sieve-ish. Both teams have been able to move the ball, but have had serious difficulty stopping people. I think this is a coin flip, but something in my stomach says Auburn’s defense will force a key late turnover to pull it out in a classic.

Auburn 34
Alabama 31

CB
Awbarn 21
Bama 24

EGM
Plainsmen 31
Tide 28


Saturday, November 27, 2010

12:21pm
ML
Kentucky at Tennessee (-3)

ZZZZZZZZZ…the Battle for the Beer Barrel could not have me less excited. The Vols have won 3 in a row this season, and 25 straight against the Cats. I don’t expect much defense and predict this game goes into at least 3 overtimes. Do you think John Wall and DeMarcus Cousins were upset when they found out they took a pay cut to go pro?

Cats 54
Vols 52

CB
Kensucky 20
Vuls 25

EGM
Wildcats 22
Vols 24


3:30pm
EGM
LSU at Arkansas (-4)
This could be the best game of the weekend. Arky’s high powered offense and LSU’s stud defense. Quietly, Ryan Mallett and Co have been putting up huge numbers and blowing teams out. It’s a possibility that they might be a BCS team if Aubie blows a few games down the stretch. As for LSU, they have BCS dreams as well and they don’t even require Auburn to lose. Petrino v Miles has a Pinky and the Brain feel to it. I’ll take Pinky.

Tigers 28
Hawgs 24

ML
Mad Hatter 31
Petrino 28

CB
Bayou Bengals 31
Arky 30


CB
Florida at Florida State (-2.5)

The epitome of Hate. My sweet little aunt told me today that if she hates one college team it is definitely Florida State. How about this: the new neighbors at my parent’s place were outside their house talking with family; as I walked out to make a phone call (I was wearing a Gators shirt), the wife yells out, “GO NOLES!” I hate this woman and will purposefully put little to no booze in their drinks tomorrow. She’s raising a real brood of future FScUm. Anyways, the Gators have had trouble stopping the run, esp with a mobile quarterback. That is basically what the Noles assert to be their bread and butter. Christian P is a marginal QB at best, but everyone coming out of Talla-CRAPPY was saying he was a heistman candidate at the beginning of the year. They were dead wrong. He has struggled mightily and their secondary reminds me of the Lost Boys…not the scary vampires led by Kiefer “Jack Bauer” Sutherland, but the wimpy followers of that pederast Peter Pan: they refuse to grow up. They have been described as “youth” for 4 years at least and they are still susceptible to a nice passing attack. Fortunately for them, so far our coaching staff has refused to acknowledge that Johnny B may not be the best option at QB. Will Urban and crew build off that dominating performance against the best team in the FCS, utilizing 3 kids taking snaps or will they “panic” again and go back to our terrible basics? I say with nothing left to lose, the pressure squarely on the Noles, the Gators open up the crazy playbook and make it apparent that if the Slimeballs from that school to the NW don’t beat us this year, it could be 5 years til they get another shot. I’m going all heart here…

FLORIDA! 24
Satan’s Minions 17

EGM
Semis 21
Gators 20

ML
UF = no offensive identity 7
F$U = some offensive identity 23


7:00pm
EGM
South Carolina at Clemson (+3)
For some reason Clemson always seems to win this game no matter the skill level of their team. This year, the Cocks are clearly superior but I just have a feeling that Clemson will start this game with a 14-0 lead. Dabo Swinney is a clown of epic proportions but perhaps you need a rally clown for rivalry games. Spur-dog will likely try to ride Lattimore to W but Clemson will force him to rely on Garcia. I don’t think the drunk QB will have what it takes in Death Valley.

Clemson 24
Cocks 21

ML
Cocks 20
Tigers 21

CB
Screw his New School 28
Clemson 27


ML
Mississippi State at Ole Miss (+2.5)

I love the Egg Bowl! The only thing that would make this cooler is a blizzard in Oxford Saturday night. These two teams each lost heartbreakers to favored opponents last week. If MSU wants to stake its claim as a “program on the rise”, they need to take care of business in Oxford. Masoli and the Rebs looked good against the Mad Hatter, but the cosmic forces surrounding the Mad Hatter guarantee that any SEC game he’s involved with will go down to the wire. It has nothing to do with how the other team plays or how talented they are. See LSU/Florida, LSU/Tennessee. I guarantee CB picks Ole Miss.

Bulldogs 24
Turkey Bears 20

CB
State 17
Ole Miss 18

EGM
Tattletales 24
Rebs 21


7:30pm
CB
Wake Forest at Vanderbilt (-5)

I have a good friend who went to Wake, but I doubt he’s gonna read this so I am just gonna take the gloves off. WHO CARES ABOUT THIS GAME! I cannot believe that Vandie is favored against anyone and if I were a Demon Deacon’s fan I would hang my head in shame for this fact alone. Nerd Bowl XIII shows Vandee with a slight 7-5 record against WF but with the Deac’s winning the last 2 in 07 and 08. Sure these teams are miles apart from where they were, but just cause Wake is down doesn’t mean that is gonna open the door for a Commodores breakthrough. I suspect this game won’t be settled until each team scores in the 20s, and watch for the winner to score late sending the ‘Dores faithful back to the library unconcerned about another loss.

Wake Skanks 31
Van Derbilt 23

EGM
Wake 14
Vandy 17

ML
ACC Nerds 13
SEC Dorks 20


7:45pm
CB
Georgia Tech at Georgia (-13)

Just looking up the history of the “Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate” and man, that is some legit hatred. I mean they have been pissed off at each other since the turn of the century (the OLD century). The only hiccups in the scheduling ended after 1925, but occurred after Tech winning streaks. Gee, I wonder which team decided “it wasn’t necessary to field a team?” It certainly appears that if the Jackets rattle off a few wins in a row, UGA will go running with its tail between its legs and determine that it isn’t important to keep this tradition alive. I mean how awful would it be if they couldn’t beat TWO of their hated rivals?!!! HAHA that would be glorious! Anyways, Georgia has certainly struggled this year, but I think its pretty clear they are not awful, and that could spell destruction for Tech. I know I hate them, but I can’t be blinded by it, especially for a game I have no feelings for. I look for the Bulldogs to win convincingly, but I think the Ramblin’ Wreck keep it close for a while.

Tech 17
Jawga 32

EGM
Tech 14
Dawgs 31

ML
Wreck 10
Dawgs 20