Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC 2010 - WEEK III

El Gran Mono
Well, last week was certainly what I thought it would be...at least with respect to Alabama vs. Penn State. Despite a pretty good slate on paper, Michigan-ND was the only decent game from beginning to end. Florida made things very interesting by going with their now patented "try to look crap for as long as possible but still win" offense. Until the mid-third quarter, USF was very much in the game and appeared to be the better team. I'd love to say the Gators will bounce back this week but I'm starting to feel like this team will consistently be raising my blood pressure all season long (with a possible coronary incident whilst watching Michigan trample the Gators in the Outback Bowl once again). I digress... This week doesn't have much to offer other than Arky-UGA and the formerly decent matchup of UF-UT. How many straight is it? On to the picks...

Malt Licker
Not feeling particularly joyful, for a number of reasons, but it’s the eve of Week 3 and time to trudge through another edition of the Bourbon Boys. Word on the street is that EGM has to attend a wedding in the midst of our game against the Vols. Thank god for smart phones, they can help one get through stupid planning by others. Several big games last week, but the middle of the road games were the most exciting. Maybe that means this week’s underwhelming slate will be packed with big games. RIP LH!

Cuzzin Bailey
Is it possible that Chris Rainey meant to text something else, thereby predictive texting turned helpful “Time to DIET” into angry “Time to Die”? Maybe she was a load of a lady? Let’s hope so, for his sake, of course if it was the former, he would have been in big trouble with her anyways! In other news, another great example of some pollsters being completely full of shit, the Gators have won for the second straight week, and yet we have dropped in the polls for the second straight week. I get that we played like junk in the first half, but they turned it around big time and got zero respect for that. Also, I saw that Oregon jumped over us for beating up on Tennessee. So, does that mean that if we kick the Vols ass this week we will jump back in front? Of course not! If we win huge, all that will do is solidify UT remaining on the downside of a 5 year long slump. So the paradox lies in what to do with Oregon. If we win, it will make their rank jumping victory less of a big deal; and do any of you think there’s a chance the Ducks will drop in the rankings? NOT A CHANCE. What about Boise State? Their “marquee win” just wound up meaning absolutely nothing. Va-Tech lost to James Freaking Madison (that’s his actual middle name). Everyone was saying how bad it would be for the Hokies to start 1-1; now it’s gotta be a crisis in Blacksburg. On the flip side, Bama beat Penn State pretty handily and Ohio State destroyed Miami, guess those ranking spots were accurate. Still, I remember the good ol’ days when you won and didn’t get leapfrogged by some west coast chump team. Sorry for the ranting, got a shitty call from a jerk of a telemarketer today…We’re all thinking about you H-town. If you want more: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey


12:00pm

EGM
Arkansas at Georgia (-2)

After watching the Dawgs flounder against the Cock defense, its hard to believed they are favored over Arkansas. I guess the linesmakers think Arkansas can't stop UGA because they will certainly score themselves. This game was a shootout last year and a likely outcome. I'll take Richt over Petrino any day of the week in an evenly matched game. I like UGA's chances even more given the game is b'teen the hedges. I look for UGA's frosh QB to have a similar game to Fiery Joe Cox's monster effort last year.

Arky 28
UGA 31

ML
Hogs 27
Dogs 20

CB
Offensive Hawgs 32
Angry Dawgs 28

12:21pm

EGM
Vanderbilt at Ole Miss (-13.5)

So Ole Miss lost to D-IAA Jax State and beat hapless Tulane. Um, okay, is that supposed to give me some kind of a lean?

Both of these schools take themselves pretty serious, but in much different ways. Ole Miss fans a dedicated to perpetuating the genre of the Southern preppie/hipster hybrid. Sure, they have scruffy hair and a preworn-in hat BUT they are wearing a TIE. GET IT! They also pretend that William Faulkner is a good writer yet have read none of his books. GET IT! As for Vandy, they are dedicated to fucking up conference chi by underfunding their football program and trying to get a pass for having "smart kids". Somehow they think this is a reasonable choice. Why not join the Ivy League if you are so smart? Let me guess, they wouldn't have you?

Faux Smart 17
Faux Everything 21

ML
Vanderdork 10
Donna Martin 31

CB
‘Dores 14
Rebs 27


3:30pm

ML
Florida at Tennessee (+15)

This line is insane, I know the Quack Attack rolled over baby Simms and the rest of Dooley’s boys in Neyland, but watching Brantley gives me a Leak-y feeling. However, watching Jeff Demps gives me another feeling; deep down, that I don’t talk about at parties, a feeling that a TD is a blink away. Even with Col. Demps on our side, I’m hard pressed to pick us to cover at Gen. Neyland’s stadium.

Gators 24
Vols 13

CB
Hungry GATORS 30
Vol-nerable? 10

EGM
Gators 27
Vols 17


EGM
Alabama at Duke (+22)

This one is pretty easy. Saban shakes Cutcliffe's hand and then kicks the shit out of his team. See LSU v. Ole Miss (c. 2002)

Bamer 34
Duke 10

ML
Bamer 35
Puke 10

CB
Road Tide 34
Home Underdogs 3


7:00pm

CB
Akron at Kentucky (-24)

The Wildcats have Zips in the wire. You know sometimes I like to do some research on sports websites when I have no idea how a team has been doing and that is totally safe to say in the case of Akron. So I checked out to see what the “bloggers” on ESPN were saying. Nothing. There isn’t even a preview of the game. All I know is that Cobb from Kentucky threw, caught and rushed for a TD last weekend against the Hilltoppers and now he’s on the Heisman watch. I’d say that’s bad news for Akron…that and the fact that this game may or may not exist…

Zips 10
‘Cats 40

EGM
Zips 17
Kats 48

ML
Zips 0
Kats 30


CB
Mississippi State at LSU (-8.5)

You know, if I had looked at this game at the beginning of the season, just instinctively I would have given a big edge to LSU and just dumped on Miss State because of their terrible reputation. But now that I have seen both teams play, my opinion has changed greatly. Dan Mullen is, of course, running the same offense he ran at UF and its eerie to see. This team may not have the UF talent, but they are quick and “spread” out the field pretty well. Now the only issue is whether or not LSU’s defense is up to the challenge. Two weeks ago, the Tigers had a hard time keeping a lead on an overmatched UNC, last week the Bayou Bengals reversed roles and I’d say that’s the better side of the coin to be on; start off slow and pick it up in the second half. Miss State is no pushover like Vanderbilt though. With a QB controversy in the works in Baton Rouge, LSU can ill afford to get too far behind early to this rejuvenated Dawgs team. I really, really don’t like LSU’s possible starting QB Jarrett Lee enough that I may call for the upset in this one, maybe if there are a few cowbells at this game…

Not a Mess St 20
We gots a Mess at QB 24

EGM
Dogs 7
Tigers 20

ML
Dirty Dogs 14
Tigers 19


ML
Furman at South Carolina (OFF)

Whoo hoo, the Purple Paladins!!! As Division I-AA schools go, they are about as good as it gets. They are consistently ranked in the top 3 and have an exceedingly unique nickname. In case you were wondering, the Paladins were the foremost warriors of Charlemagne’s court. It will definitely take some medieval tactics to corral Spur-Dogs new toy. Marcus Lattimore, according to Travis Haney of the Charleston Post & Courier, gained 121 of his 182 yards rushing after contact. Look for him to be able to gain more yards before contact this week.

PPs 6
Cocks 44

CB
Fur-Traders 3
Cocks (wow, that got dirty) 45

EGM
Purple Paladins 3
Cocks 31


ML
Clemson at Auburn (-6)

Hair bowl? We have similar campuses bowl? We call our towns villages because it helps us deal with our lack of bars better bowl? Dumbass coach bowl? I can’t believe Auburn is only a six point favorite. They’ve won 13 in a row vs. Clemzon, but this is the first meeting in nearly 40 years. Did you know that Dabo & Gene finished a close second to Bo & Luke when it came to picking a name for the Duke boys?

Dabos 13
Genes 24

CB
ACC Tigers 23
SEC Tigers 32

EGM
Tigers 17
Plainsmen 20


10:30pm

CB
Iowa at Arizona (+1)
Coupla ranked teams here. I just saw a video of a huge crowd of Iowa fans pelting an opponent’s fan with open beer cans…some full, some not. I’ve seen Hawkeye fans at their “best” and therefore I was less than shocked by this mob psychosis. Iowa’s QB is a blue-collar guy that just goes out and wins games; without him, they lose at home to Northwestern so I’d say Stanzi making smart decisions (which he’s prone to do) is crucial on the road against this quick strike offense. I can’t believe I’m praising Zona’s Offense. That used to be their liability. Remember the days of 6-3 victories or 7-0 losses? I guess they’re gone. 1 total touchdown is not going to win this game, and I think that’s going to benefit the Wildcats as they like to score, its fun.

Iowa 23
Zona 24


EGM
Hawkeyes 10
Zona 17

ML
Corn 30
Cactus 22