El Gran Mono
HATE WEEK! Big games all around. Given my 7-1 record ATS last week, I’m rolling into the situation red hot. The Noles and Vols also claim to be hitting this week at their peak, but I doubt it. The Noles have been barking all week about how one year makes a difference and last year’s game was the result of being “unprepared.” However, the “lack of preparation” excuse seems to be at odds with the media’s obsession with Jimbo Fisher. The guy has lost a ton of games the last few years and we are suddenly supposed to believe they are new dynasty. I’m not buying it. Sure, Bobby Stoops hasn’t exactly been the best big game coach, but Ryan Broyles and Landry Jones are still on his team and they both torched the same FSU players last year. I’d say another Sooner blowout is all but a foregone conclusion.
Now for the games that really matter…
(Brew of the week: Two hearted ale. Truly a one of a kind taste. )
Malt Licker
12-2 against the spread thus far! Actually, make that 13-2. LSU just covered. If you have not been using my picks to make illegal wagers, I consider it an insult, nay an attack, and plan to commission my allies to start collecting names. Additionally, anyone who deigns to question or ignore my picks will be recorded on my new website www.slapinmaltlickersface.com. Bet on my picks! Don’t even think about it! Just bet! In fact, you should bet now even though you have not had the chance to read my picks. Just bet on them! Trust me! Also, I just heard about a great investment in mud energy, manufactured from the sediment that flows down the Mississippi River. It’s totally green and totally awesome. I promise you, no snail darters will be harmed. Invest in it!!!! Trust me!
Even though you all have had time to make your wagers, some of you wish to put partisan politics ahead of what’s good for your wallet and actually expect an explanation for the basis of my picks. Since, I am a Uniter, I will attempt to placate the rubes. There are three big games in the Sunshine State this week, the Parole Bowl, OU/FSU, and of course our Gators against the hated Vols. It should be an action packed Saturday. Don’t forget to follow me on twitter @joequizza
Cuzzin Bailey
As we sit here, I think its an appropriate time for us to reflect to our favorite UF/UT memories. Reflecting: Remember in 2000 when Jabar Gaffney “caught” that ball and we beat UT? Remember 4 years later when the ref forgot to start the clock and the Vuls had just enough time to kick a game winning FG? That was a total joke. How about happier moments…the 2006 Tebow 4th down run that saved our season; 2007 When we “blue” out UT; 2010 when I was keeping up with the game during a wedding ceremony! Anyways, Tennessee and the terrorists teamed up for a Gators loss in 2001 and that remains as the worst one I had to sit through b/c it was my last home game as a student. Weak sauce. Okay gotta end this on a happier note: picture it, 1995, Tennessee took the lead 30-14 into the locker-room and it poured at halftime after which Danny Wuerffel and the rest of the team proved that Gators really are amphibious. We scored 48 straight points in the rain to take and maintain the lead. It was also the game that I thought we had all witnessed someone die. Joey Kent was crushed by Lawrence Wright and fumbled on the play. It was so wonderful. I’m sure this kind of stream of consciousness ranting is exactly what some of you are looking for, and for more follow me on twitter: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
Thursday, September 15, 2011
LSU at Mississippi State (+3.5)
CB
As this is only game in town, so to speak, we will just be posting this item for immediate consumption and repost the rest manana. So I just read on espn that the Bulldogs are leading the SEC in total offense through the first two games. 1) that makes me feel better knowing that Tennessee isn’t the best offense; 2) it shows how good Dan Mullen is, to be able to make a team like Miss St a force to be reckoned with; and 3) I never thought I’d see a MSU team play better offense than it did against the Gators in 2000 when Dicenzo Miller and Dontae Walker ran for probably 700 yards against UF. Look I was in the “LSU is screwed” camp at the beginning of the season with the suspension of Jefferson and that WR, but now its as though the Tigers are the real deal and possibly the most legit NC contender in the SEC. See what I’m doing now? If I compliment them, I am hoping to jinx their Cajun asses. Its called “faux-humility” just a theory that I developed in Auburn (2001 & 2006) after I observed the worst offenders. MSU messed up their season last weekend by running a 2010 Florida red zone gimmick at the end of the game against the faux humilitarians. I’m gonna steal this thought from something I saw on the internet, but to be honest, its not exactly groundbreaking information: if MSU wants to stop being the almost-was team in the West, they’d better get their act together, ring some freaking cowbells and beat LSU tonight!!! Meh, I just don’t see it happening…
Dirty Cajuns 30
Dirty Dawgs 24
EGM
Tigers 24
Dogs 10
ML
Tigers 31
Bulldogs 17
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Auburn at Clemson (-3.5)
ML
It’s the Mirror Image Bowl!!! I’ve heard that the Plainzmen and Clemzon patterned their campuses after each other, and Clemson is known as “Auburn with a Lake.” Both of them are named the Tigers. Both are public land-grant institutions. Both are named after the town in which they are located. Both cheat. Speaking of cheating, Auburn needed a Cam Newton-led comeback to erase a 17 point deficit in this matchup last year. The War Eagle looks ripe for a let down on the road after eking out close victories in their first two games. They’ve had trouble stopping the run, which appears to be Clemson’s strength on offense. However, mighty Wofford took Clemson to the brink last week, so it is highly possible they suck. This seems like a tight match-up, so I am going with the points, the SEC, and against a coach named Dabo.
War Eagle 30
Clemzzzon 21
CB
War Dumb Eagle 27
Clemzin Tigres 28
EGM
Plainsmen 31
Clemzon 30
Ole Miss at Vanderbilt (+1.5)
EGM
This game likely displays the two worst teams the SEC. Currently, the only thing worse than the shitty hair and dingy baseball caps of Reb mongoloids is the play of their football team. As an excuse for the bad play, Houston Nutt has claimed that he is recreating William Faulkner’s syntax in the form of a football team. Without a doubt, Vandy appreciates this blend of academia and athletics. However, that won’t stop them from handing Ole Miss the first of their eight SEC losses.
Rebs 6
Dores 13
ML
Ole Piss 24
Vanderdork 21
CB
Ole Miss 21
Nerd Alert 19
Coastal Carolina at Georgia (OFF)
CB
Look, everyone knows what a great guy Mark Richt is supposed to be, but how does one throw away such a great opportunities and still remain as head coach. I mean I get they don’t have the arrest record that UF has, but they also don’t have the championships or the Cocktail Party wins. Coastal Carolina is 2-0 and UGA is 0-2, and after this weekend those zeros will be replaced by ones. But that’s not why we’re here. Maybe its unfair to place all the blame on Richt, perhaps the moron in charge of scheduling should take some of the blame. Who on earth doesn’t believe that a team from the SEC with a decent preseason ranking can’t ascend to the pinnacle of college football without being as foolhardy as this and just play your normal schedule? Why add teams like Oklahoma State and Boise State to start your season off on the wrong foot? No one doubted UF when we played our stock schedule (with the addition of a down UM school) in ’08 and road it all the way to the BCS championship. Anyways, if UGA has yet another disappointing season, I think Mr. Nice Guy is on his way out.
CC 6
UGA 56
EGM
Chanticleers 3
UGA 61
ML
Roosters Actin’ like Dawgs 10
Georgia Dawgs 50
Tennessee at Florida (-9.5)
EGM
Both of these teams have rolled up two creampuffs and are now ready for the main course. This year, the Gators are featuring a pro style attack with Rainey and Demps as the centerpieces. Unfortunately for Gator fans, the man getting the ball to Rainey and Demps is still John Brantley. Things have been vanilla the first few weeks but JBIII still looks hesitant about every throw. Someone needs to tell this kid to grow a pair.
The Vols are quite the opposite. Their QB Tyler Bray has been ripping off 300 yard games ever since becoming the starter last year. Also, the Vols young WRs can make plays against anyone.
Easy Vol win? I think not. The Gator defense is loaded in the front seven and will pressure Bray throughout the day. The young Vol line will not be able stop the front four which will allow the young Gator secondary to mix up their coverages and not expose their young CBs. Also, much like last year, Johnny B should give the Gators enough on offense to win the game.
On a side note, my dog thinks Smokey is a pussy for wearing that gay orange faux blanket.
Vols 24
Gators 31
ML
Hate the Vols 20
Love the Gators, but don’t trust Brantley 24
CB
Tennessleezy 17
FLORIDA 24
Navy at South Carolina (-17)
CB
Normally I would, and possibly still will, err on the side of SEC speed, but there is something to be said for this Navy triple option. Personally I like my favorite team to run a pro-style offense, or the spread in certain circumstances, but when it comes to strictly entertainment purposes only, the triple option is quite enjoyable to watch. But how long before Navy must resort to passing too much and go completely away from their gameplan? Eh, call it the mid-day beer in me or whatever, but I’m gonna go out on a crazy limb today and call for the Midshipmen to cover this rather large spread. The Cocks will probably win, but I like Navy to put some points on the board and keep it marginally close…
Navy 25
Cocks 35
EGM
Middies 20
Cocks 34
ML
Midshipman 20
Gamecocks 31
Louisville at Kentucky (-6)
ML
It’s the battle for the Governer’s Cup!!! Chuck Strong v. the Joker!!! Shitty offense vs. Shittier defense! The Wildcats have eked out two victories against shite opponents, while the Cards dropped one to the mighty Panthers of FIU. This game will set football back 150 years, or, if you watch these teams regularly, look like nothing new.
Crappy Cards 17
Crappy Cats 25
CB
Louah-vuhl 20
Coach/Team Joke 23
EGM
Cards 10
Cats 20
North Texas at Alabama (-46)
EGM
If the entire Bama team catches a case of the “Mean Green” they might only be favored by three touchdowns.
Tejas Norte 0
Bamer 38
ML
Norte Tejas 3
‘Bama 50
CB
‘Dillos 3
Bama 55
Troy at Arkansas (-23)
ML
When thinking about picking against the spread, especially when it involves high double digits, always think of the coach for the big favorite. If he seems like a nice guy, it is probably best to take the points. However, if he seems like a colossal prick devoid of a soul, lay the points and go with the favorite. Especially if the soulless prick is an offensive guru. According to Petrino, Tyler Wilson was suffering “concussion-like symptoms” in last week’s game. Even with a punch drunk QB, the Hawgs ran up 373 passing yards last week, and their backup lit it up for more than 100r. They easily covered and will look to do the same at home against the Trojans, who were whipped at Clemson in week 1. If Clemson can beat the Trojans by 24, I have no doubt the Razorbacks will.
Trojans 13
Hawgs 48
CB
Troysians 6
Arky 40
EGM
Trojans 13
Arky 30
Friday, September 16, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week III
Thursday, September 15, 2011
LSU at Mississippi State +3.5
CB
As this is only game in town, so to speak, we will just be posting this item for immediate consumption and repost the rest manana. So I just read on espn that the Bulldogs are leading the SEC in total offense through the first two games. 1) that makes me feel better knowing that Tennessee isn’t the best offense; 2) it shows how good Dan Mullen is, to be able to make a team like Miss St a force to be reckoned with; and 3) I never thought I’d see a MSU team play better offense than it did against the Gators in 2000 when Dicenzo Miller and Dontae Walker ran for probably 700 yards against UF. Look I was in the “LSU is screwed” camp at the beginning of the season with the suspension of Jefferson and that WR, but now its as though the Tigers are the real deal and possibly the most legit NC contender in the SEC. See what I’m doing now? If I compliment them, I am hoping to jinx their Cajun asses. Its called “faux-humility” just a theory that I developed in Auburn (2001 & 2006) after I observed the worst offenders. MSU messed up their season last weekend by running a 2010 Florida red zone scenario at the end of the game against the faux humilitarians. I’m gonna steal this thought from something I saw on the internet, but to be honest, its not exactly groundbreaking information: if MSU wants to stop being the almost-was team in the West, they’d better get their act together, ring some freaking cowbells and beat LSU tonight!!! Meh, I just don’t see it happening…
Dirty Cajuns 30
Dirty Dawgs 24
EGM
Tigers 24
Dogs 10
ML
Tigers 31
Bulldogs 17
LSU at Mississippi State +3.5
CB
As this is only game in town, so to speak, we will just be posting this item for immediate consumption and repost the rest manana. So I just read on espn that the Bulldogs are leading the SEC in total offense through the first two games. 1) that makes me feel better knowing that Tennessee isn’t the best offense; 2) it shows how good Dan Mullen is, to be able to make a team like Miss St a force to be reckoned with; and 3) I never thought I’d see a MSU team play better offense than it did against the Gators in 2000 when Dicenzo Miller and Dontae Walker ran for probably 700 yards against UF. Look I was in the “LSU is screwed” camp at the beginning of the season with the suspension of Jefferson and that WR, but now its as though the Tigers are the real deal and possibly the most legit NC contender in the SEC. See what I’m doing now? If I compliment them, I am hoping to jinx their Cajun asses. Its called “faux-humility” just a theory that I developed in Auburn (2001 & 2006) after I observed the worst offenders. MSU messed up their season last weekend by running a 2010 Florida red zone scenario at the end of the game against the faux humilitarians. I’m gonna steal this thought from something I saw on the internet, but to be honest, its not exactly groundbreaking information: if MSU wants to stop being the almost-was team in the West, they’d better get their act together, ring some freaking cowbells and beat LSU tonight!!! Meh, I just don’t see it happening…
Dirty Cajuns 30
Dirty Dawgs 24
EGM
Tigers 24
Dogs 10
ML
Tigers 31
Bulldogs 17
Friday, September 09, 2011
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week II
Cuzzin Bailey
While I stare at my soon to be former and soon to be empty apartment in Jacksonville, I ponder a few memories. The 3 Florida/Georgia games (all UF wins!) I was able to attend and the great folks (including my now wife!) I could host those weekends, the awesome friends I made while in school, and total 180 the Florida football program has done in the past 3 years. I’ll be honest, I was pretty nervous before last week’s game because I had absolutely no idea how JBIII was going to react. I know it was a “warm-up” game, but how did last year’s go, huh? Not so well. That wasn’t all his fault, but it didn’t exactly set the stage for a team from which to expect great things. Last week, even thought I was 90% hammered from an all day drinking fest, I could sense the confidence in Brantley’s play. Even the interception(s) didn’t get him noticeable rattled. What more can you ask for when your team is pounding a weaker opponent. I didn’t take the time to bash Coach Schnellenberger last week as I was preparing for the Greek Orthodox version of my wedding, and was definitely side-tracked; but I will mention that he was such an asshole when he coached at Miami, (duh, right?) and any time you can beat his ass it’s a good feeling. This week the Gators take on the Blazers. I’ll be honest, I’m an educated man, but I’m afraid I can’t speak intelligently about a team that means so little. I did hear that our secondary is going to get tested (more so than last week anyways), so that will give us something to watch. Further, I am aware that they play at historic Legion field, which is the home of the 1993 Florida Gators first SEC Championship Game WIN, as well as, according to my mother-in-law, “The Kick” – Van Tiffin’s last second, 52 yard, game winning FG that beat the hated Auburn Tigers. I love sharing great SEC moments with her, just as long as they don’t involve our teams haha! Go Gators! Oh yea, one more thing before my shameless twitter plug, my good friend Green is taking his young son to his first college football game this weekend! Albeit it’s a Wake Forest game, but that still counts…sorta haha! And of course, you are allowed to follow me on twitter, you’ll thank me and then thank Malt Licker for being the motivating factor in my acceleration into the twitterverse: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
Malt Licker
Let me just say that I love Will Muschamp. I cannot think of a better response to the Shariff Floyd/NCAA business than his press release. How amazing will that be for recruiting? If any of our current players were not willing to run through a wall for him before, how about now? Coach BOOM’s debut seemed to go pretty well, and it looks like the defense will be flying around all year. I cannot wait until the preseason is over. You may also follow me on twitter @joequizza. Follow my picks and win big $$$$.
In other news, my home town lost an icon this week, the greatest Buccaneer of all time, and an even better person. If Tampa Bay were granted a seat in a Senate of the Universe, Lee Roy would be the only candidate. RIP #63, we will miss you.
El Gran Mono
It feels so good to be back in the saddle again. Week 1 is under the belt and I feel like I know everything I need to know. Massive conclusions can be drawn from elite schools with elite recruits against borderline D-IA creampuffs. Hyperbole aside, we did learn one thing. Mark Richt is a dead man walking. South Carolina is only the beginning of the long walk down the plank that is the 2011 UGA season.
As for teams with a future, it looks like the mighty Gators are a minor force to be reckoned with. They appear to be putting players in positions where they can succeed and playing young players without them having to spend three years pulling around a boat anchor to "prove themselves."
Last full week of too many creampuffs but at least SEC play is starting.
In honor of Mark Richt, the beer of the week is Rogue Dead Guy Ale. Not too heavy but quite tasty.
Central Michigan @ Kentucky (-11.5)
CB
This is one of those games that you look at and say, “how much did I have to drink when I selected this one?” Well unfortunately the answer is zero. I can’t remember why I thought this would be fun to write about, so I’ll make this quick. The Cats struggled mightily at home against the Hilltoppers of Western Kantuck-ee last weekend. UK’s QB, according to the stats, looks like shit and they totaled less than 200 yards of offense. Pathetic. Central Michigan beat South Carolina State last weekend with another unimpressive performance. Alls I know is that the Gators beat the Chippewas 82-6 in 1997. That was amazing. This game will be the cure for insomnia the scienticians have been looking for for hundreds of years.
Chips 9
Catz 21
ML
Chippewas 10
Where’s Randall Cobb? 20
EGM
CMich 10
KY 24
Miss State @ Auburn (+6.5)
EGM
From afar, these teams appear headed in different directions this season. This feeling is even more pronounced if you use the season openers to draw all of your conclusions.
However, it might be wise to take a step back and analyze a few things. First, the game is being played AT Auburn. Yeah, I understand a number of fans left the game early last week because they thought a loss was a foregone conclusion. But that doesn't change the fact that Jerden-Hare (sic) is a brutal place to play. Second, Miss State's offense is probably of a similar caliber to Utah State if not worse. I've seen Chris Relf steer a ship and I'm not ready for him to see me through Scylla and Charybdis just yet. Third, Auburn is very young and they will only get better throughout the season.
Despite these points, I still doubt that Plainsmen will win the game. But should they be giving 6.5 at home to marginally good team? I think not.
Dawgs 21
Tigers 20
CB
Starkville Sucks 27
The Maples Shout “Oppression!” While the Oaks Just Shake Their Head 24
ML
Snitching Bulldogs 16
Cheating Tigers 17
Alabama at Penn State (+10)
CB
Look, I’m gonna tell you what I told my wife and her mom, I completely respect SEC teams that schedule tough out of conference games early on, but I just don’t think I would want my team to do it. Maybe its cause we play FSU every year and it would be dumb to add another one, but also b/c a loss early coupled with an SEC loss could end your championship hopes very early. That being said, we’re talking about Ala-fucking-Bama and a PSU team that hasn’t been a real contender since the likes of Kerry “Vodka” Collins (believe it or not, he’s Irish). Look, I’m gonna be honest (again), I don’t know jack shit about the Nittany Lions, but I did see on the internets this site http://joepasdoghouse.com/?p=2462 which praised the ever living hell out of the Tide fans and Tuscaloosa and was almost pleading their fans to reciprocate. Well, if you’ve see the way they treat Ohio State fan’s you’ll understand. Either way, I’m calling for an SEC victory, shouldn’t be too hard to come by…
Tide 37
Nittany Lions 17
ML
Tide 31
Lions 10
EGM
Bama 20
Secondhand Lions 0
Cincinnati @ Tennessee (-5)
EGM
And here is Tennessee, much like Alabama, playing a non-creampuff in week two. They should be commended for this good behavior. I'd love to turn this into a rant against the 12th game (and the sudden "need" for 7 home games) but I'll save that for Twitter and the dark recesses of Irish pubs in the DC area.
As for the game, both teams look to be quite talented on the offensive side of the football and quite average defensively. However, average defensively in the Big East is quite different than average defensively in the SEC. You might think that I'm taking a trend to an extreme but I invite you to watch the 2009 Sugar Bowl. Even dumbass Dooley couldn't screw up the massive talent edge and homefield advantage.
Bearcats 20
Vols 35
CB
WKRP 16
Vuls 30
ML
Bearcatz 17
Vowwlz 24
South Carolina @ Georgia (+3)
ML
Game of the Week! There is a lot to talk about in this one. Mark pRicht is fighting for his life and already used up his manufactured intensity by borrowing Grambling’s uniforms against Boise. It really is do-or-die time for the pious one. If UGA can pull off the upset they’ll be in the driver’s seat in the East. I believe I touched on this last week, but it is my opinion that if you do not root against Georgia every week, you are insane. Who cares about Boise not playing a tough schedule? For me, SEC pride goes the way of the dodo when the black and red is on the field. Meanwhile, the drunkard from Jefferson High School saved the day against ECU, helping the Cocks “come from behind” for the high scoring victory. Will the Ol’ Ball Coach keep playing two QBs? It may not matter with Marcus Lattimore going against a depleted UGA linebacking corps.
Cock ‘n Gun 28
Dead Dogs 17
EGM
Cocks 31
UGA 24
CB
Cawks 27
Dawgs 23
Southern Illinois at Ole Miss (OFF)
EGM
Ole Miss did exactly what I expected last week. Run the football and keep the ball away from their atrocious QB situation. Unfortunately for the Rebs, a late fumble prevented their Wing T/Veer attack from notching a victory. Houston Nutt has reacted by taking water from the players during practice and decreasing their tobacco stipends. These tactics can only lead to a more impressive victory over the lowly Salukis.
Silky Dogs 6
Shitty Rebs 38
CB
Saluks 10
Hotty Toddy 30
ML
Salukis 3
Ole Piss 40
UAB @ Florida (-23)
ML
I loved seeing the pro-style attack and a semi-competent Johnny B, but I am worried about our ability to gain 2 yards when we need it in the SEC. I attended the game in person, so I feel like I didn’t get to see it as well as if I were watching it on the tube. No chance this week to watch the Sunshine replay either, so I am excited to sit down in front of a flat screen and analyze our D-Line. The real season starts next week!
Khaleesi’s offspring 3
GATORS 35
EGM
Blazers 3
Gators 49
CB
Blazahs 6
GATORS 44
New Mexico @ Arkansas (-36)
CB
Well, when I first chose this game to be one of my picks, I stupidly thought the Razorbacks were actually going TO New Mexico. I thought they were morons, but somehow I was outsmarted by folks from Arkansas. I feel like an idiot. In regards to the game, the Backs are going to throw all over the Lobos as they are now a one-trick-pony with Knile Davis out for the year. Either QB with any 2 of ArKansas’ stud WRs could destroy New Mexico.
Nice Original State Name 6
Ditto, Dummies 45
ML
UNM 10
Cover City 56
EGM
Lobos 7
Arky 60
UConn @ Vandy (-1.5)
ML
This would be a great women’s hoops game, well as great as watching women’s hoops can be. I imagine it will draw similar attendance. When you think about it, Huskies is a great nickname for a women’s hoops team.
HUSKIES 20
‘Dores 17
EGM
Huskies 21
Vandy 17
CB
UCawhn 23
Vandie 21
Northwestern State @ LSU (OFF)
CB
I just picked this game to offer an apology to the Tigers. I clearly underestimated LSU last week. I thought the loss of their starting quarterback would cause more of a problem. Why didn’t I just believe in the Hat and that hickass moron Jarrett Lee?? Oh well, even if this were regs Northwestern I’d still pick the Bayou Bengals to roll. This is a serious contender ladies and gentlemen.
NWS 3
LSU 50
ML
Demons! 6
Tigers 45
EGM
NSU 0
Tigers 58
While I stare at my soon to be former and soon to be empty apartment in Jacksonville, I ponder a few memories. The 3 Florida/Georgia games (all UF wins!) I was able to attend and the great folks (including my now wife!) I could host those weekends, the awesome friends I made while in school, and total 180 the Florida football program has done in the past 3 years. I’ll be honest, I was pretty nervous before last week’s game because I had absolutely no idea how JBIII was going to react. I know it was a “warm-up” game, but how did last year’s go, huh? Not so well. That wasn’t all his fault, but it didn’t exactly set the stage for a team from which to expect great things. Last week, even thought I was 90% hammered from an all day drinking fest, I could sense the confidence in Brantley’s play. Even the interception(s) didn’t get him noticeable rattled. What more can you ask for when your team is pounding a weaker opponent. I didn’t take the time to bash Coach Schnellenberger last week as I was preparing for the Greek Orthodox version of my wedding, and was definitely side-tracked; but I will mention that he was such an asshole when he coached at Miami, (duh, right?) and any time you can beat his ass it’s a good feeling. This week the Gators take on the Blazers. I’ll be honest, I’m an educated man, but I’m afraid I can’t speak intelligently about a team that means so little. I did hear that our secondary is going to get tested (more so than last week anyways), so that will give us something to watch. Further, I am aware that they play at historic Legion field, which is the home of the 1993 Florida Gators first SEC Championship Game WIN, as well as, according to my mother-in-law, “The Kick” – Van Tiffin’s last second, 52 yard, game winning FG that beat the hated Auburn Tigers. I love sharing great SEC moments with her, just as long as they don’t involve our teams haha! Go Gators! Oh yea, one more thing before my shameless twitter plug, my good friend Green is taking his young son to his first college football game this weekend! Albeit it’s a Wake Forest game, but that still counts…sorta haha! And of course, you are allowed to follow me on twitter, you’ll thank me and then thank Malt Licker for being the motivating factor in my acceleration into the twitterverse: www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
Malt Licker
Let me just say that I love Will Muschamp. I cannot think of a better response to the Shariff Floyd/NCAA business than his press release. How amazing will that be for recruiting? If any of our current players were not willing to run through a wall for him before, how about now? Coach BOOM’s debut seemed to go pretty well, and it looks like the defense will be flying around all year. I cannot wait until the preseason is over. You may also follow me on twitter @joequizza. Follow my picks and win big $$$$.
In other news, my home town lost an icon this week, the greatest Buccaneer of all time, and an even better person. If Tampa Bay were granted a seat in a Senate of the Universe, Lee Roy would be the only candidate. RIP #63, we will miss you.
El Gran Mono
It feels so good to be back in the saddle again. Week 1 is under the belt and I feel like I know everything I need to know. Massive conclusions can be drawn from elite schools with elite recruits against borderline D-IA creampuffs. Hyperbole aside, we did learn one thing. Mark Richt is a dead man walking. South Carolina is only the beginning of the long walk down the plank that is the 2011 UGA season.
As for teams with a future, it looks like the mighty Gators are a minor force to be reckoned with. They appear to be putting players in positions where they can succeed and playing young players without them having to spend three years pulling around a boat anchor to "prove themselves."
Last full week of too many creampuffs but at least SEC play is starting.
In honor of Mark Richt, the beer of the week is Rogue Dead Guy Ale. Not too heavy but quite tasty.
Central Michigan @ Kentucky (-11.5)
CB
This is one of those games that you look at and say, “how much did I have to drink when I selected this one?” Well unfortunately the answer is zero. I can’t remember why I thought this would be fun to write about, so I’ll make this quick. The Cats struggled mightily at home against the Hilltoppers of Western Kantuck-ee last weekend. UK’s QB, according to the stats, looks like shit and they totaled less than 200 yards of offense. Pathetic. Central Michigan beat South Carolina State last weekend with another unimpressive performance. Alls I know is that the Gators beat the Chippewas 82-6 in 1997. That was amazing. This game will be the cure for insomnia the scienticians have been looking for for hundreds of years.
Chips 9
Catz 21
ML
Chippewas 10
Where’s Randall Cobb? 20
EGM
CMich 10
KY 24
Miss State @ Auburn (+6.5)
EGM
From afar, these teams appear headed in different directions this season. This feeling is even more pronounced if you use the season openers to draw all of your conclusions.
However, it might be wise to take a step back and analyze a few things. First, the game is being played AT Auburn. Yeah, I understand a number of fans left the game early last week because they thought a loss was a foregone conclusion. But that doesn't change the fact that Jerden-Hare (sic) is a brutal place to play. Second, Miss State's offense is probably of a similar caliber to Utah State if not worse. I've seen Chris Relf steer a ship and I'm not ready for him to see me through Scylla and Charybdis just yet. Third, Auburn is very young and they will only get better throughout the season.
Despite these points, I still doubt that Plainsmen will win the game. But should they be giving 6.5 at home to marginally good team? I think not.
Dawgs 21
Tigers 20
CB
Starkville Sucks 27
The Maples Shout “Oppression!” While the Oaks Just Shake Their Head 24
ML
Snitching Bulldogs 16
Cheating Tigers 17
Alabama at Penn State (+10)
CB
Look, I’m gonna tell you what I told my wife and her mom, I completely respect SEC teams that schedule tough out of conference games early on, but I just don’t think I would want my team to do it. Maybe its cause we play FSU every year and it would be dumb to add another one, but also b/c a loss early coupled with an SEC loss could end your championship hopes very early. That being said, we’re talking about Ala-fucking-Bama and a PSU team that hasn’t been a real contender since the likes of Kerry “Vodka” Collins (believe it or not, he’s Irish). Look, I’m gonna be honest (again), I don’t know jack shit about the Nittany Lions, but I did see on the internets this site http://joepasdoghouse.com/?p=2462 which praised the ever living hell out of the Tide fans and Tuscaloosa and was almost pleading their fans to reciprocate. Well, if you’ve see the way they treat Ohio State fan’s you’ll understand. Either way, I’m calling for an SEC victory, shouldn’t be too hard to come by…
Tide 37
Nittany Lions 17
ML
Tide 31
Lions 10
EGM
Bama 20
Secondhand Lions 0
Cincinnati @ Tennessee (-5)
EGM
And here is Tennessee, much like Alabama, playing a non-creampuff in week two. They should be commended for this good behavior. I'd love to turn this into a rant against the 12th game (and the sudden "need" for 7 home games) but I'll save that for Twitter and the dark recesses of Irish pubs in the DC area.
As for the game, both teams look to be quite talented on the offensive side of the football and quite average defensively. However, average defensively in the Big East is quite different than average defensively in the SEC. You might think that I'm taking a trend to an extreme but I invite you to watch the 2009 Sugar Bowl. Even dumbass Dooley couldn't screw up the massive talent edge and homefield advantage.
Bearcats 20
Vols 35
CB
WKRP 16
Vuls 30
ML
Bearcatz 17
Vowwlz 24
South Carolina @ Georgia (+3)
ML
Game of the Week! There is a lot to talk about in this one. Mark pRicht is fighting for his life and already used up his manufactured intensity by borrowing Grambling’s uniforms against Boise. It really is do-or-die time for the pious one. If UGA can pull off the upset they’ll be in the driver’s seat in the East. I believe I touched on this last week, but it is my opinion that if you do not root against Georgia every week, you are insane. Who cares about Boise not playing a tough schedule? For me, SEC pride goes the way of the dodo when the black and red is on the field. Meanwhile, the drunkard from Jefferson High School saved the day against ECU, helping the Cocks “come from behind” for the high scoring victory. Will the Ol’ Ball Coach keep playing two QBs? It may not matter with Marcus Lattimore going against a depleted UGA linebacking corps.
Cock ‘n Gun 28
Dead Dogs 17
EGM
Cocks 31
UGA 24
CB
Cawks 27
Dawgs 23
Southern Illinois at Ole Miss (OFF)
EGM
Ole Miss did exactly what I expected last week. Run the football and keep the ball away from their atrocious QB situation. Unfortunately for the Rebs, a late fumble prevented their Wing T/Veer attack from notching a victory. Houston Nutt has reacted by taking water from the players during practice and decreasing their tobacco stipends. These tactics can only lead to a more impressive victory over the lowly Salukis.
Silky Dogs 6
Shitty Rebs 38
CB
Saluks 10
Hotty Toddy 30
ML
Salukis 3
Ole Piss 40
UAB @ Florida (-23)
ML
I loved seeing the pro-style attack and a semi-competent Johnny B, but I am worried about our ability to gain 2 yards when we need it in the SEC. I attended the game in person, so I feel like I didn’t get to see it as well as if I were watching it on the tube. No chance this week to watch the Sunshine replay either, so I am excited to sit down in front of a flat screen and analyze our D-Line. The real season starts next week!
Khaleesi’s offspring 3
GATORS 35
EGM
Blazers 3
Gators 49
CB
Blazahs 6
GATORS 44
New Mexico @ Arkansas (-36)
CB
Well, when I first chose this game to be one of my picks, I stupidly thought the Razorbacks were actually going TO New Mexico. I thought they were morons, but somehow I was outsmarted by folks from Arkansas. I feel like an idiot. In regards to the game, the Backs are going to throw all over the Lobos as they are now a one-trick-pony with Knile Davis out for the year. Either QB with any 2 of ArKansas’ stud WRs could destroy New Mexico.
Nice Original State Name 6
Ditto, Dummies 45
ML
UNM 10
Cover City 56
EGM
Lobos 7
Arky 60
UConn @ Vandy (-1.5)
ML
This would be a great women’s hoops game, well as great as watching women’s hoops can be. I imagine it will draw similar attendance. When you think about it, Huskies is a great nickname for a women’s hoops team.
HUSKIES 20
‘Dores 17
EGM
Huskies 21
Vandy 17
CB
UCawhn 23
Vandie 21
Northwestern State @ LSU (OFF)
CB
I just picked this game to offer an apology to the Tigers. I clearly underestimated LSU last week. I thought the loss of their starting quarterback would cause more of a problem. Why didn’t I just believe in the Hat and that hickass moron Jarrett Lee?? Oh well, even if this were regs Northwestern I’d still pick the Bayou Bengals to roll. This is a serious contender ladies and gentlemen.
NWS 3
LSU 50
ML
Demons! 6
Tigers 45
EGM
NSU 0
Tigers 58
Friday, September 02, 2011
Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week I
Malt Licker
We are on the eve of a new CBE, otherwise known as the Coach BOOM! Era. Much to El Gran Mono’s chagrin, the spread will be replaced with a pro-style attack authored by the fatman, Chas Weis. Our beloved Gators open up with the standard appetizer of creampuffs before facing a brutal stretch in October that will make or break the career of John Brantley III. Unless of course he shites the bed against FAU, UAB or UT, in which case our young team will get a lot younger. This seems like a particularly wide-open year, as each highly-ranked team seems to have some holes. Although it may just seem wide-open because I’ve spent less time following pre-season news than I ever have, and I am confusing the holes in my knowledge for holes in a particular team. Speaking of holes, it would be nice if our offensive line could open some up for our running backs. I do not like the idea of relying on Johnny B.
Cuzzin Bailey
Doesn’t it seem like the off season gets longer and longer each year? I swear I barely remember the Gators last season. Maybe that’s a good thing. Urban Meyer left UF the same way he came in…with a “meh.” It was like an Oreo, kinda plain on the outside with some seriously awesome filling. But the man that divided much of Gator Nation is now gone. No more fights between family members (mine) about the spread offense. No more debates as to whether or not that is a direction toward which we want our team headed. Coach “Boom” Muschamp has returned to his hometown to bring back a little offensive sanity. Perhaps an offense that doesn’t require an All-American, Heisman trophy winner, prodigal son type scenario to function properly, would be better suited for this team. I hate to make it sound like I’m selling out Coach Meyer, but I live by certain rules in my College Football life, and one of them is this: I’m a Gator fan above any player or coach. In other words, when folks leave UF for any reason, I wish them well, but I’m not going to buy their jersey or be happy when they coach a rival. I’m a Gator baby! I’m ready for Coach MusCHOMP to bring Gator football back to the glory we all know is possible. Also, I would be remiss not to mention that I have had quite a summer. Started out with graduating law school, studying like a chump for 10 weeks then taking the bar, and then something kinda important happened three weeks ago!!! Got hitched!!! Actually got married in SEC country, Oxford, MS. It’s a beautiful place for sure. Speaking of which, I would like to mention that I heard on The Herd that the Rebels are a lock this weekend!…Oh yea, as always be sure to follow all Bourbon Boys on twitter, especially www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
Last year was pretty strange for Gator fans because every game was a toss up (including the creampuff opener). With each game I found myself getting angrier about every little thing they were doing wrong and the waste of talent that was occurring. So when Mr. Mom Urban Meyer said he was hanging it up I couldn’t have been happier. Thanks for the titles but it takes passion to motivate the hearts of young men. As for Urb’s future, I doubt he ever coaches again.
That’s enough of last year, its now the era of Bourbon Boys LLP (3 JDs and counting, congrats CB), Coach Boom, and a dynastic run of titles by the SEC. At three in a row, there was a strut. At four in a row, there was a knowing smile. At five in row, you don’t even need to talk for the ladies to come home with you. And as we roll into the 2011 season, it appears the team sporting the strut, smile and prowess is Bama. Everyone loves their defense and Trent Richardson is an absolute beast. Perhaps the praise is worthy but I just don’t get hot and bothered thinking about their unproven quarterback.
The rest of the conference is a pretty unpredictable. LSU fans will point to their stud defense and high ranking but I will point to the presence of Jarrett Lee and JJeff. Arkansas has a bevy of wide receivers and running backs but can they play defense? Miss State looked tough last year but can they be consistent with a dude like Chris Relf at the helm? South Carolina ran the ball effectively last year and Stephen Garcia looked good at times but every game seemed like a miracle. UGA is incredibly talented at almost every position but do they have anyone they can actually count on? The Gators replaced their coaching staff with an all star cast of defensive and offensive gurus but they didn’t replace their players.
The rest of the teams are hardly worth mentioning and that includes the defending champion Plainsmen. And why is that you ask? Because of any of them could go 5-7 and no one reading this would be surprised.
I guess I should lay out some quick preseason predictions…NCAA Champ – Oklahoma, SEC Champ – Bama, East Champ – Florida, Player of the Year – Trent Richardson. Call me a homer, but then go put your money on South Carolina. You won’t feel good about that in two weeks.
And without further ado, I will unveil the new weekly feature of 2011…the brew of the week. And this week the winner goes to Full Sail IPA. Not as hoppy as some but the flavor is can’t miss. Also, our communist readers can sleep well knowing its employee owned. Fuck the bourgeoisie!
Also, congrats to CB for tying the knot a few weeks ago. It was an epic wedding for an epic couple. I will never forget rocking out to Bon Jovi with some modified slam dancing while CB led the chorus. Let’s continue the celebration with a great CFB season!
You can follow me on Saturday or any other day of the week on Twitter @elgranmono1865.
All predictions are for entertainment purposes only!
Utah State @ Auburn (-23), 12pm
CB
Its gonna be great to see Auburn struggle this year without laptop douchebag. That sure isn’t going to happen this weekend, but consider this: Utah St is only a 23 pt underdog AT an SEC stadium. That’s weak sauce. I hope Auburn’s program crumbles ala Miami. This weekend shouldn’t be a real contest and the fact that the Tigers do still have some amazing talent, I think this one isn’t close, but Auburn better watch out the rest of the season.
Utawr State 12
Aubarn 40
ML
Aggies? 13
RIP Toomer Trees 34
EGM
Other Aggies 17
Plainsmen 38
Kent State @ Alabama (-38), 12:20pm
ML
I’m sure we’ll hear too much about the tornados that swept through Tuscaloosa, enough to make me consider making insensitive remarks about exploding roofs and shattered lives, but I’m planning to take the high road. I’ll just say it’s too bad that Nick Saban’s home was not in the path.
Golden Flash 6
Crimson Tide 55
CB
Take a Shot! 3
Bama 49
EGM
Flashes 3
Bama 52
BYU @ Ole Miss (+3), 4:45pm
EGM
Ole Miss was a flaming bag of monkey shit last year. They started their shit spiral with a loss to an I-AA team and ended it with their second consecutive Egg Bowl loss. Houston Nutt will not stand for two seasons of that kind of failure and he has already used the word sati three times this week. BYU is unimpressed by Nutt’s antics because as Mormons they are constantly happy and have karma on their side. However, they do lack experience in Southern fried football with a side of desperation. I expect Nutt will run the football with his QB, RB, WR, and possibly even TE. The man knows how to run the ball and BYU will soon understand the concept of time of possession.
Happy 20
Desperate 21
ML
Mormons 20
Rebs 31
CB
BWhiteU 20
Ole Miss 21
Montana @ Tennessee (OFF), 6pm
EGM
UT has been one of the teams in the SEC that typically opens with a non-creampuff. Not the case this year. I figured Montana had a university but I was unaware they played football. I’m sure their payout is going to their massive forestry program or something of that ilk.
Go Griz 10
Go Vols 44
ML
Grizzlies!!! 6
Vols 50
CB
Tony Montana, Political Prisoner 4
Tennesseesucks 43
FAU @ Florida (OFF), 7pm
CB
Its ABOUT TIME! I have no idea how many games I’m gonna make it to this year, but its going to be an exciting fall, that’s for certain. Games like UT, Bama, FSU all home, with LSU, Auburn, UGA and South Carolina all away from the Swamp. I really have no clue how this is gonna work out and I figured yall are just like me, wait til after this game. I mean after 10 snaps sailed over Johnny’s head last year, did anyone immediately make reservations for Arizona? Uh No. So while its not exactly like we’re worried about the outcome, I can’t freaking wait to see what we are made of off the practice field. I like the tools we have (senior QB, older players, and the coaches) it all comes down to how we use em. I like the Gators big, haha, obviously! GO GATORS!
Screw Coach Schnell 13
Go Coach BOOM! 45
ML
Schnellen-Owls 7
BOOM! 38
EGM
Owls 3
BOOM! 45
East Carolina @ South Carolina (-20.5), 7pm
ML
How can a team with a drunk at QB be considered the favorite to win the East? Easy, the rest of the division is in shambles. The Ol’ Ball Coach has brought in some amazing playmakers in Lattimore and Jefferey, and Errict Rhett and Fred Taylor will tell you that he knows how to ride a tailback. The Pride of Tampa, Stephen Garcia, was suspended after an allegedly “alcohol-fueled” incident at a “life-skills” seminar. If you are going to have an incident, I generally find it is best if it is “alcohol-fueled.” There is not much to say about this game other than that I could replace Stephen, be alcohol-fueled, and hand the ball off to Lattimore 40 times and lead the Cocks to victory.
Pirates 13
Roosters 31
CB
ECU 14
USCe 36
EGM
Pirates 6
Cocks 31
Missouri State @ Arkansas (OFF), 7pm
EGM
Its highly possible that Missouri State will take a bus to this game (not from the airport). Its also highly possible that Missouri State will take a bus to every game (not from the airport).
Bears 10
Arky 58
ML
Bears 6
Hawgs 66
CB
Mizzou St 12
Arkansas 35
Elon @ Vanderbilt (OFF), 7:30pm
EGM
I’m betting there are at least five asshole professors at Vanderbilt that were offended by Elon’s former nickname. The world would probably be a better place if those five people simultaneously combusted.
Formerly Fighting Christians 5
Vandy 32
ML
Slaughtered Christians 2
Vander-dork 48
CB
God’s On Our Side 6
Books On Our Side 48
Boise State v. Georgia (+3.5), @ Atlanta, GA, 8pm
CB
First of all, I am seriously torn in this game as a fan. First of all, I would love for Boise State to lose their first game thereby ending the Broncos talk for the season, but I also have to balance my hatred for the Bulldogs. I think that’s because it will make us look better when we beat UGA later on, its a must that I root for the dawgs. Aaron Murray needs to find a number 1 receiver and if they can settle on a starting RB they should be set for a great season at second in the East.
Boise STATE 20
UGA 21
ML
Broncs 34
Dawgs 27
EGM
Boise 17
UGA 21
Oregon v. LSU (+3.5), @Arlingotn, TX, 8pm
ML
Les’ boys will be without three starters on offense, the good news is one of them is the overrated and underachieving Jordan Jefferson, as the Tigers look to improve to 29-1 in nonconference games under Coach Miles. Can Jarrett Lee’s moxie quotient keep up with LaMichael James and the rest of LaDucks. The last time the high powered Ducks faced an SEC defense, they were held to less than 20 in the title game. I see Lee furnishing 3 scoring drives and the Tiger D-Line setting another one up to help the Tigers start 1-0.
Team Moxie 24
Team Nike 20
CB
Frank Ducks 24
Kumete Tigers 17
EGM
Ducks 23
Tigers 31
We are on the eve of a new CBE, otherwise known as the Coach BOOM! Era. Much to El Gran Mono’s chagrin, the spread will be replaced with a pro-style attack authored by the fatman, Chas Weis. Our beloved Gators open up with the standard appetizer of creampuffs before facing a brutal stretch in October that will make or break the career of John Brantley III. Unless of course he shites the bed against FAU, UAB or UT, in which case our young team will get a lot younger. This seems like a particularly wide-open year, as each highly-ranked team seems to have some holes. Although it may just seem wide-open because I’ve spent less time following pre-season news than I ever have, and I am confusing the holes in my knowledge for holes in a particular team. Speaking of holes, it would be nice if our offensive line could open some up for our running backs. I do not like the idea of relying on Johnny B.
Cuzzin Bailey
Doesn’t it seem like the off season gets longer and longer each year? I swear I barely remember the Gators last season. Maybe that’s a good thing. Urban Meyer left UF the same way he came in…with a “meh.” It was like an Oreo, kinda plain on the outside with some seriously awesome filling. But the man that divided much of Gator Nation is now gone. No more fights between family members (mine) about the spread offense. No more debates as to whether or not that is a direction toward which we want our team headed. Coach “Boom” Muschamp has returned to his hometown to bring back a little offensive sanity. Perhaps an offense that doesn’t require an All-American, Heisman trophy winner, prodigal son type scenario to function properly, would be better suited for this team. I hate to make it sound like I’m selling out Coach Meyer, but I live by certain rules in my College Football life, and one of them is this: I’m a Gator fan above any player or coach. In other words, when folks leave UF for any reason, I wish them well, but I’m not going to buy their jersey or be happy when they coach a rival. I’m a Gator baby! I’m ready for Coach MusCHOMP to bring Gator football back to the glory we all know is possible. Also, I would be remiss not to mention that I have had quite a summer. Started out with graduating law school, studying like a chump for 10 weeks then taking the bar, and then something kinda important happened three weeks ago!!! Got hitched!!! Actually got married in SEC country, Oxford, MS. It’s a beautiful place for sure. Speaking of which, I would like to mention that I heard on The Herd that the Rebels are a lock this weekend!…Oh yea, as always be sure to follow all Bourbon Boys on twitter, especially www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
Last year was pretty strange for Gator fans because every game was a toss up (including the creampuff opener). With each game I found myself getting angrier about every little thing they were doing wrong and the waste of talent that was occurring. So when Mr. Mom Urban Meyer said he was hanging it up I couldn’t have been happier. Thanks for the titles but it takes passion to motivate the hearts of young men. As for Urb’s future, I doubt he ever coaches again.
That’s enough of last year, its now the era of Bourbon Boys LLP (3 JDs and counting, congrats CB), Coach Boom, and a dynastic run of titles by the SEC. At three in a row, there was a strut. At four in a row, there was a knowing smile. At five in row, you don’t even need to talk for the ladies to come home with you. And as we roll into the 2011 season, it appears the team sporting the strut, smile and prowess is Bama. Everyone loves their defense and Trent Richardson is an absolute beast. Perhaps the praise is worthy but I just don’t get hot and bothered thinking about their unproven quarterback.
The rest of the conference is a pretty unpredictable. LSU fans will point to their stud defense and high ranking but I will point to the presence of Jarrett Lee and JJeff. Arkansas has a bevy of wide receivers and running backs but can they play defense? Miss State looked tough last year but can they be consistent with a dude like Chris Relf at the helm? South Carolina ran the ball effectively last year and Stephen Garcia looked good at times but every game seemed like a miracle. UGA is incredibly talented at almost every position but do they have anyone they can actually count on? The Gators replaced their coaching staff with an all star cast of defensive and offensive gurus but they didn’t replace their players.
The rest of the teams are hardly worth mentioning and that includes the defending champion Plainsmen. And why is that you ask? Because of any of them could go 5-7 and no one reading this would be surprised.
I guess I should lay out some quick preseason predictions…NCAA Champ – Oklahoma, SEC Champ – Bama, East Champ – Florida, Player of the Year – Trent Richardson. Call me a homer, but then go put your money on South Carolina. You won’t feel good about that in two weeks.
And without further ado, I will unveil the new weekly feature of 2011…the brew of the week. And this week the winner goes to Full Sail IPA. Not as hoppy as some but the flavor is can’t miss. Also, our communist readers can sleep well knowing its employee owned. Fuck the bourgeoisie!
Also, congrats to CB for tying the knot a few weeks ago. It was an epic wedding for an epic couple. I will never forget rocking out to Bon Jovi with some modified slam dancing while CB led the chorus. Let’s continue the celebration with a great CFB season!
You can follow me on Saturday or any other day of the week on Twitter @elgranmono1865.
All predictions are for entertainment purposes only!
Utah State @ Auburn (-23), 12pm
CB
Its gonna be great to see Auburn struggle this year without laptop douchebag. That sure isn’t going to happen this weekend, but consider this: Utah St is only a 23 pt underdog AT an SEC stadium. That’s weak sauce. I hope Auburn’s program crumbles ala Miami. This weekend shouldn’t be a real contest and the fact that the Tigers do still have some amazing talent, I think this one isn’t close, but Auburn better watch out the rest of the season.
Utawr State 12
Aubarn 40
ML
Aggies? 13
RIP Toomer Trees 34
EGM
Other Aggies 17
Plainsmen 38
Kent State @ Alabama (-38), 12:20pm
ML
I’m sure we’ll hear too much about the tornados that swept through Tuscaloosa, enough to make me consider making insensitive remarks about exploding roofs and shattered lives, but I’m planning to take the high road. I’ll just say it’s too bad that Nick Saban’s home was not in the path.
Golden Flash 6
Crimson Tide 55
CB
Take a Shot! 3
Bama 49
EGM
Flashes 3
Bama 52
BYU @ Ole Miss (+3), 4:45pm
EGM
Ole Miss was a flaming bag of monkey shit last year. They started their shit spiral with a loss to an I-AA team and ended it with their second consecutive Egg Bowl loss. Houston Nutt will not stand for two seasons of that kind of failure and he has already used the word sati three times this week. BYU is unimpressed by Nutt’s antics because as Mormons they are constantly happy and have karma on their side. However, they do lack experience in Southern fried football with a side of desperation. I expect Nutt will run the football with his QB, RB, WR, and possibly even TE. The man knows how to run the ball and BYU will soon understand the concept of time of possession.
Happy 20
Desperate 21
ML
Mormons 20
Rebs 31
CB
BWhiteU 20
Ole Miss 21
Montana @ Tennessee (OFF), 6pm
EGM
UT has been one of the teams in the SEC that typically opens with a non-creampuff. Not the case this year. I figured Montana had a university but I was unaware they played football. I’m sure their payout is going to their massive forestry program or something of that ilk.
Go Griz 10
Go Vols 44
ML
Grizzlies!!! 6
Vols 50
CB
Tony Montana, Political Prisoner 4
Tennesseesucks 43
FAU @ Florida (OFF), 7pm
CB
Its ABOUT TIME! I have no idea how many games I’m gonna make it to this year, but its going to be an exciting fall, that’s for certain. Games like UT, Bama, FSU all home, with LSU, Auburn, UGA and South Carolina all away from the Swamp. I really have no clue how this is gonna work out and I figured yall are just like me, wait til after this game. I mean after 10 snaps sailed over Johnny’s head last year, did anyone immediately make reservations for Arizona? Uh No. So while its not exactly like we’re worried about the outcome, I can’t freaking wait to see what we are made of off the practice field. I like the tools we have (senior QB, older players, and the coaches) it all comes down to how we use em. I like the Gators big, haha, obviously! GO GATORS!
Screw Coach Schnell 13
Go Coach BOOM! 45
ML
Schnellen-Owls 7
BOOM! 38
EGM
Owls 3
BOOM! 45
East Carolina @ South Carolina (-20.5), 7pm
ML
How can a team with a drunk at QB be considered the favorite to win the East? Easy, the rest of the division is in shambles. The Ol’ Ball Coach has brought in some amazing playmakers in Lattimore and Jefferey, and Errict Rhett and Fred Taylor will tell you that he knows how to ride a tailback. The Pride of Tampa, Stephen Garcia, was suspended after an allegedly “alcohol-fueled” incident at a “life-skills” seminar. If you are going to have an incident, I generally find it is best if it is “alcohol-fueled.” There is not much to say about this game other than that I could replace Stephen, be alcohol-fueled, and hand the ball off to Lattimore 40 times and lead the Cocks to victory.
Pirates 13
Roosters 31
CB
ECU 14
USCe 36
EGM
Pirates 6
Cocks 31
Missouri State @ Arkansas (OFF), 7pm
EGM
Its highly possible that Missouri State will take a bus to this game (not from the airport). Its also highly possible that Missouri State will take a bus to every game (not from the airport).
Bears 10
Arky 58
ML
Bears 6
Hawgs 66
CB
Mizzou St 12
Arkansas 35
Elon @ Vanderbilt (OFF), 7:30pm
EGM
I’m betting there are at least five asshole professors at Vanderbilt that were offended by Elon’s former nickname. The world would probably be a better place if those five people simultaneously combusted.
Formerly Fighting Christians 5
Vandy 32
ML
Slaughtered Christians 2
Vander-dork 48
CB
God’s On Our Side 6
Books On Our Side 48
Boise State v. Georgia (+3.5), @ Atlanta, GA, 8pm
CB
First of all, I am seriously torn in this game as a fan. First of all, I would love for Boise State to lose their first game thereby ending the Broncos talk for the season, but I also have to balance my hatred for the Bulldogs. I think that’s because it will make us look better when we beat UGA later on, its a must that I root for the dawgs. Aaron Murray needs to find a number 1 receiver and if they can settle on a starting RB they should be set for a great season at second in the East.
Boise STATE 20
UGA 21
ML
Broncs 34
Dawgs 27
EGM
Boise 17
UGA 21
Oregon v. LSU (+3.5), @Arlingotn, TX, 8pm
ML
Les’ boys will be without three starters on offense, the good news is one of them is the overrated and underachieving Jordan Jefferson, as the Tigers look to improve to 29-1 in nonconference games under Coach Miles. Can Jarrett Lee’s moxie quotient keep up with LaMichael James and the rest of LaDucks. The last time the high powered Ducks faced an SEC defense, they were held to less than 20 in the title game. I see Lee furnishing 3 scoring drives and the Tiger D-Line setting another one up to help the Tigers start 1-0.
Team Moxie 24
Team Nike 20
CB
Frank Ducks 24
Kumete Tigers 17
EGM
Ducks 23
Tigers 31
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC 2010 - WEEK XIII
Special Thanksgiving Week Edition!
Malt Licker
Rivalry Week!!! It’s the Iron Bowl! The Egg Bowl! Florida v. F$U! Clemson v. South Carolina! North Korea v. South Korea! Turkey v. Ham! Natalee Holloway v. Chandra Levy!
The Gators proved me wrong and beat up on Appy State to guarantee a winning season. WHOO HOO. Did you know App State actually took down the goalposts in their stadium with the expectation that their students would tear them down in the event of a win against the Gators? I’m certain that this is the only reason they lost. It had nothing to do with Johnny “I play like I just ate a huge plate of Turkey” Brantley. In fairness, Ahmad Black is such a badass he may have been able to beat App State by himself. After a bit of a snoozer this week (Mad Hatter excluded) there are a ton of interesting games this week. My Broncos from Boise face their last test before the BCS Title game, and the Tide look to end Auburn’s national title hopes before the NCAA does so retroactively.
Last week was a pretty boring week of football but this week should cure it. Tons of rivalry games and four days of football. And most importantly, no D-IAA teams. Enjoy the turkey and football.
Cuzzin Bailey
Its “hate week” all across the Country, and all throughout the SEC, with the obvious exception of Vanderbilt; and for 83.3333333333333% of the league these are the most important games of the year!! South Carolina, taking advantage of a clear down year in the SEC EAST (see what I did there, that’s called a “back-handed compliment”) plays Clemson in a pretty meaningless game to the Cocks. Auburn’s game against Bama is their most important one so far, however if they win there will be two more games in their future that’ll mean more. Speaking of Auburn my esteemed colleague, The Malt Licker, addressed their issues so well last week that there’s no point in rehashing all the details, but I just have one thing to add personally: If Newton isn’t as stupid as he is purporting himself to be, then I hope he gets whatever he has coming. He has played dumb this whole time and if comes out that he was behind or a part of this scheme from the get go, I hope he gets the serious Reggie Bush treatment (you know, making millions, shitting on his alma mater, banging a Kardashian). Either way, he HAS to be gone to the NFL, right? When the Gators face these Tigers on the road next year, we’re gonna need any advantage we can get. Anyways, as its Thanksgiving week, I just wanted to say that I have so much to be thankful for, great fiancée, great family, great friends! You can hear all about it and other insanity on Twittah at: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey
El Gran Mono
Friday, November 26, 2010
2:30pm
ML
Auburn at Alabama (-4)
Since Auburn has already clinched the division, this game is bigger nationally than it is in the SEC. Although natives to the Heart of Dixie would argue that this is the biggest game in the history of the universe, every year. Last year, these teams were in each others’ positions, with Auburn looking to shatter the dreams of the Crimson Tide. The roles are reversed this year. As I think about this game, I believe it will boil down to which squad’s defense is less sieve-ish. Both teams have been able to move the ball, but have had serious difficulty stopping people. I think this is a coin flip, but something in my stomach says Auburn’s defense will force a key late turnover to pull it out in a classic.
Auburn 34
Alabama 31
CB
Awbarn 21
Bama 24
EGM
Plainsmen 31
Tide 28
Saturday, November 27, 2010
12:21pm
ML
Kentucky at Tennessee (-3)
ZZZZZZZZZ…the Battle for the Beer Barrel could not have me less excited. The Vols have won 3 in a row this season, and 25 straight against the Cats. I don’t expect much defense and predict this game goes into at least 3 overtimes. Do you think John Wall and DeMarcus Cousins were upset when they found out they took a pay cut to go pro?
Cats 54
Vols 52
CB
Kensucky 20
Vuls 25
EGM
Wildcats 22
Vols 24
3:30pm
EGM
LSU at Arkansas (-4)
This could be the best game of the weekend. Arky’s high powered offense and LSU’s stud defense. Quietly, Ryan Mallett and Co have been putting up huge numbers and blowing teams out. It’s a possibility that they might be a BCS team if Aubie blows a few games down the stretch. As for LSU, they have BCS dreams as well and they don’t even require Auburn to lose. Petrino v Miles has a Pinky and the Brain feel to it. I’ll take Pinky.
Tigers 28
Hawgs 24
ML
Mad Hatter 31
Petrino 28
CB
Bayou Bengals 31
Arky 30
CB
Florida at Florida State (-2.5)
The epitome of Hate. My sweet little aunt told me today that if she hates one college team it is definitely Florida State. How about this: the new neighbors at my parent’s place were outside their house talking with family; as I walked out to make a phone call (I was wearing a Gators shirt), the wife yells out, “GO NOLES!” I hate this woman and will purposefully put little to no booze in their drinks tomorrow. She’s raising a real brood of future FScUm. Anyways, the Gators have had trouble stopping the run, esp with a mobile quarterback. That is basically what the Noles assert to be their bread and butter. Christian P is a marginal QB at best, but everyone coming out of Talla-CRAPPY was saying he was a heistman candidate at the beginning of the year. They were dead wrong. He has struggled mightily and their secondary reminds me of the Lost Boys…not the scary vampires led by Kiefer “Jack Bauer” Sutherland, but the wimpy followers of that pederast Peter Pan: they refuse to grow up. They have been described as “youth” for 4 years at least and they are still susceptible to a nice passing attack. Fortunately for them, so far our coaching staff has refused to acknowledge that Johnny B may not be the best option at QB. Will Urban and crew build off that dominating performance against the best team in the FCS, utilizing 3 kids taking snaps or will they “panic” again and go back to our terrible basics? I say with nothing left to lose, the pressure squarely on the Noles, the Gators open up the crazy playbook and make it apparent that if the Slimeballs from that school to the NW don’t beat us this year, it could be 5 years til they get another shot. I’m going all heart here…
FLORIDA! 24
Satan’s Minions 17
EGM
Semis 21
Gators 20
ML
UF = no offensive identity 7
F$U = some offensive identity 23
7:00pm
EGM
South Carolina at Clemson (+3)
For some reason Clemson always seems to win this game no matter the skill level of their team. This year, the Cocks are clearly superior but I just have a feeling that Clemson will start this game with a 14-0 lead. Dabo Swinney is a clown of epic proportions but perhaps you need a rally clown for rivalry games. Spur-dog will likely try to ride Lattimore to W but Clemson will force him to rely on Garcia. I don’t think the drunk QB will have what it takes in Death Valley.
Clemson 24
Cocks 21
ML
Cocks 20
Tigers 21
CB
Screw his New School 28
Clemson 27
ML
Mississippi State at Ole Miss (+2.5)
I love the Egg Bowl! The only thing that would make this cooler is a blizzard in Oxford Saturday night. These two teams each lost heartbreakers to favored opponents last week. If MSU wants to stake its claim as a “program on the rise”, they need to take care of business in Oxford. Masoli and the Rebs looked good against the Mad Hatter, but the cosmic forces surrounding the Mad Hatter guarantee that any SEC game he’s involved with will go down to the wire. It has nothing to do with how the other team plays or how talented they are. See LSU/Florida, LSU/Tennessee. I guarantee CB picks Ole Miss.
Bulldogs 24
Turkey Bears 20
CB
State 17
Ole Miss 18
EGM
Tattletales 24
Rebs 21
7:30pm
CB
Wake Forest at Vanderbilt (-5)
I have a good friend who went to Wake, but I doubt he’s gonna read this so I am just gonna take the gloves off. WHO CARES ABOUT THIS GAME! I cannot believe that Vandie is favored against anyone and if I were a Demon Deacon’s fan I would hang my head in shame for this fact alone. Nerd Bowl XIII shows Vandee with a slight 7-5 record against WF but with the Deac’s winning the last 2 in 07 and 08. Sure these teams are miles apart from where they were, but just cause Wake is down doesn’t mean that is gonna open the door for a Commodores breakthrough. I suspect this game won’t be settled until each team scores in the 20s, and watch for the winner to score late sending the ‘Dores faithful back to the library unconcerned about another loss.
Wake Skanks 31
Van Derbilt 23
EGM
Wake 14
Vandy 17
ML
ACC Nerds 13
SEC Dorks 20
7:45pm
CB
Georgia Tech at Georgia (-13)
Just looking up the history of the “Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate” and man, that is some legit hatred. I mean they have been pissed off at each other since the turn of the century (the OLD century). The only hiccups in the scheduling ended after 1925, but occurred after Tech winning streaks. Gee, I wonder which team decided “it wasn’t necessary to field a team?” It certainly appears that if the Jackets rattle off a few wins in a row, UGA will go running with its tail between its legs and determine that it isn’t important to keep this tradition alive. I mean how awful would it be if they couldn’t beat TWO of their hated rivals?!!! HAHA that would be glorious! Anyways, Georgia has certainly struggled this year, but I think its pretty clear they are not awful, and that could spell destruction for Tech. I know I hate them, but I can’t be blinded by it, especially for a game I have no feelings for. I look for the Bulldogs to win convincingly, but I think the Ramblin’ Wreck keep it close for a while.
Tech 17
Jawga 32
EGM
Tech 14
Dawgs 31
ML
Wreck 10
Dawgs 20
Malt Licker
Rivalry Week!!! It’s the Iron Bowl! The Egg Bowl! Florida v. F$U! Clemson v. South Carolina! North Korea v. South Korea! Turkey v. Ham! Natalee Holloway v. Chandra Levy!
The Gators proved me wrong and beat up on Appy State to guarantee a winning season. WHOO HOO. Did you know App State actually took down the goalposts in their stadium with the expectation that their students would tear them down in the event of a win against the Gators? I’m certain that this is the only reason they lost. It had nothing to do with Johnny “I play like I just ate a huge plate of Turkey” Brantley. In fairness, Ahmad Black is such a badass he may have been able to beat App State by himself. After a bit of a snoozer this week (Mad Hatter excluded) there are a ton of interesting games this week. My Broncos from Boise face their last test before the BCS Title game, and the Tide look to end Auburn’s national title hopes before the NCAA does so retroactively.
Last week was a pretty boring week of football but this week should cure it. Tons of rivalry games and four days of football. And most importantly, no D-IAA teams. Enjoy the turkey and football.
Cuzzin Bailey
Its “hate week” all across the Country, and all throughout the SEC, with the obvious exception of Vanderbilt; and for 83.3333333333333% of the league these are the most important games of the year!! South Carolina, taking advantage of a clear down year in the SEC EAST (see what I did there, that’s called a “back-handed compliment”) plays Clemson in a pretty meaningless game to the Cocks. Auburn’s game against Bama is their most important one so far, however if they win there will be two more games in their future that’ll mean more. Speaking of Auburn my esteemed colleague, The Malt Licker, addressed their issues so well last week that there’s no point in rehashing all the details, but I just have one thing to add personally: If Newton isn’t as stupid as he is purporting himself to be, then I hope he gets whatever he has coming. He has played dumb this whole time and if comes out that he was behind or a part of this scheme from the get go, I hope he gets the serious Reggie Bush treatment (you know, making millions, shitting on his alma mater, banging a Kardashian). Either way, he HAS to be gone to the NFL, right? When the Gators face these Tigers on the road next year, we’re gonna need any advantage we can get. Anyways, as its Thanksgiving week, I just wanted to say that I have so much to be thankful for, great fiancée, great family, great friends! You can hear all about it and other insanity on Twittah at: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey
El Gran Mono
Friday, November 26, 2010
2:30pm
ML
Auburn at Alabama (-4)
Since Auburn has already clinched the division, this game is bigger nationally than it is in the SEC. Although natives to the Heart of Dixie would argue that this is the biggest game in the history of the universe, every year. Last year, these teams were in each others’ positions, with Auburn looking to shatter the dreams of the Crimson Tide. The roles are reversed this year. As I think about this game, I believe it will boil down to which squad’s defense is less sieve-ish. Both teams have been able to move the ball, but have had serious difficulty stopping people. I think this is a coin flip, but something in my stomach says Auburn’s defense will force a key late turnover to pull it out in a classic.
Auburn 34
Alabama 31
CB
Awbarn 21
Bama 24
EGM
Plainsmen 31
Tide 28
Saturday, November 27, 2010
12:21pm
ML
Kentucky at Tennessee (-3)
ZZZZZZZZZ…the Battle for the Beer Barrel could not have me less excited. The Vols have won 3 in a row this season, and 25 straight against the Cats. I don’t expect much defense and predict this game goes into at least 3 overtimes. Do you think John Wall and DeMarcus Cousins were upset when they found out they took a pay cut to go pro?
Cats 54
Vols 52
CB
Kensucky 20
Vuls 25
EGM
Wildcats 22
Vols 24
3:30pm
EGM
LSU at Arkansas (-4)
This could be the best game of the weekend. Arky’s high powered offense and LSU’s stud defense. Quietly, Ryan Mallett and Co have been putting up huge numbers and blowing teams out. It’s a possibility that they might be a BCS team if Aubie blows a few games down the stretch. As for LSU, they have BCS dreams as well and they don’t even require Auburn to lose. Petrino v Miles has a Pinky and the Brain feel to it. I’ll take Pinky.
Tigers 28
Hawgs 24
ML
Mad Hatter 31
Petrino 28
CB
Bayou Bengals 31
Arky 30
CB
Florida at Florida State (-2.5)
The epitome of Hate. My sweet little aunt told me today that if she hates one college team it is definitely Florida State. How about this: the new neighbors at my parent’s place were outside their house talking with family; as I walked out to make a phone call (I was wearing a Gators shirt), the wife yells out, “GO NOLES!” I hate this woman and will purposefully put little to no booze in their drinks tomorrow. She’s raising a real brood of future FScUm. Anyways, the Gators have had trouble stopping the run, esp with a mobile quarterback. That is basically what the Noles assert to be their bread and butter. Christian P is a marginal QB at best, but everyone coming out of Talla-CRAPPY was saying he was a heistman candidate at the beginning of the year. They were dead wrong. He has struggled mightily and their secondary reminds me of the Lost Boys…not the scary vampires led by Kiefer “Jack Bauer” Sutherland, but the wimpy followers of that pederast Peter Pan: they refuse to grow up. They have been described as “youth” for 4 years at least and they are still susceptible to a nice passing attack. Fortunately for them, so far our coaching staff has refused to acknowledge that Johnny B may not be the best option at QB. Will Urban and crew build off that dominating performance against the best team in the FCS, utilizing 3 kids taking snaps or will they “panic” again and go back to our terrible basics? I say with nothing left to lose, the pressure squarely on the Noles, the Gators open up the crazy playbook and make it apparent that if the Slimeballs from that school to the NW don’t beat us this year, it could be 5 years til they get another shot. I’m going all heart here…
FLORIDA! 24
Satan’s Minions 17
EGM
Semis 21
Gators 20
ML
UF = no offensive identity 7
F$U = some offensive identity 23
7:00pm
EGM
South Carolina at Clemson (+3)
For some reason Clemson always seems to win this game no matter the skill level of their team. This year, the Cocks are clearly superior but I just have a feeling that Clemson will start this game with a 14-0 lead. Dabo Swinney is a clown of epic proportions but perhaps you need a rally clown for rivalry games. Spur-dog will likely try to ride Lattimore to W but Clemson will force him to rely on Garcia. I don’t think the drunk QB will have what it takes in Death Valley.
Clemson 24
Cocks 21
ML
Cocks 20
Tigers 21
CB
Screw his New School 28
Clemson 27
ML
Mississippi State at Ole Miss (+2.5)
I love the Egg Bowl! The only thing that would make this cooler is a blizzard in Oxford Saturday night. These two teams each lost heartbreakers to favored opponents last week. If MSU wants to stake its claim as a “program on the rise”, they need to take care of business in Oxford. Masoli and the Rebs looked good against the Mad Hatter, but the cosmic forces surrounding the Mad Hatter guarantee that any SEC game he’s involved with will go down to the wire. It has nothing to do with how the other team plays or how talented they are. See LSU/Florida, LSU/Tennessee. I guarantee CB picks Ole Miss.
Bulldogs 24
Turkey Bears 20
CB
State 17
Ole Miss 18
EGM
Tattletales 24
Rebs 21
7:30pm
CB
Wake Forest at Vanderbilt (-5)
I have a good friend who went to Wake, but I doubt he’s gonna read this so I am just gonna take the gloves off. WHO CARES ABOUT THIS GAME! I cannot believe that Vandie is favored against anyone and if I were a Demon Deacon’s fan I would hang my head in shame for this fact alone. Nerd Bowl XIII shows Vandee with a slight 7-5 record against WF but with the Deac’s winning the last 2 in 07 and 08. Sure these teams are miles apart from where they were, but just cause Wake is down doesn’t mean that is gonna open the door for a Commodores breakthrough. I suspect this game won’t be settled until each team scores in the 20s, and watch for the winner to score late sending the ‘Dores faithful back to the library unconcerned about another loss.
Wake Skanks 31
Van Derbilt 23
EGM
Wake 14
Vandy 17
ML
ACC Nerds 13
SEC Dorks 20
7:45pm
CB
Georgia Tech at Georgia (-13)
Just looking up the history of the “Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate” and man, that is some legit hatred. I mean they have been pissed off at each other since the turn of the century (the OLD century). The only hiccups in the scheduling ended after 1925, but occurred after Tech winning streaks. Gee, I wonder which team decided “it wasn’t necessary to field a team?” It certainly appears that if the Jackets rattle off a few wins in a row, UGA will go running with its tail between its legs and determine that it isn’t important to keep this tradition alive. I mean how awful would it be if they couldn’t beat TWO of their hated rivals?!!! HAHA that would be glorious! Anyways, Georgia has certainly struggled this year, but I think its pretty clear they are not awful, and that could spell destruction for Tech. I know I hate them, but I can’t be blinded by it, especially for a game I have no feelings for. I look for the Bulldogs to win convincingly, but I think the Ramblin’ Wreck keep it close for a while.
Tech 17
Jawga 32
EGM
Tech 14
Dawgs 31
ML
Wreck 10
Dawgs 20
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC 2010 - WEEK XII
El Gran Mono
Last week was certainly a great week of football if you’re an Auburn or South Carolina fan. Unfortunately, I’m neither of those things so I’m down in the dumps trying to figure out what the NBA schedule is this Friday.
Malt Licker
Now that the Gator season is in shambles, thanks in no small part to Addazio, Mr. Mom Meyer and Johnny Brantley (nice catch dude), I’ve turned my attention to the soap opera coming out of the Plains in Alabama. This story has everything. Scumbag Supreme Bobby Lowder, the Victoryland Racino, tremendous luck by Auburn players at said Racino, Great Southern Wood, misappropriation of TARP funds, federal indictments, a crooked preacher (Cam’s Dad), the best player in the country and Joe Schad’s receding hairline. What more could you ask for? Oh yea, how bout we not lose at home to our former coach while registering 67 yards through three quarters? How bout no more swing passes when the entire defense is within 10 yards of the line of scrimmage? How bout blocking someone? Can we consider benching defensive ends that bring less pressure from the outside than Betty White and a quarterback with less pocket presence than a piece of lent? As for Mr. Mom Meyer, maybe your family should be satisfied with the $4 million daddy brings home and you should spend all your time making sure the product on the field warrants that salary.
Cuzzin Bailey
Okay this is the first time in I think forever, I had a personal attendance LOSING record. But that’s what we got here. I made an impromptu trip to Gainesville last Saturday and now I have seen ONE win and THREE losses this season. Pathetic. And to top off a great weekend, on Monday the media ran with a story that stated that Steve Adazzio was definitely coming back next season. Here’s the rub: at the press conference, Meyer was asked if Adazz would be fired, he said, “no I don’t think so.” Does that sound like a rousing endorsement to you???? I hate sports reporters sometimes, but then again I’m addicted to twitter, so there’s really nothing I can do about this. Speaking of Twitter, I past my thousandth Tweet early this week. Can you believe you have already missed 1000 examples of my awesomeness? Its not too late. Really ain’t too many exciting games this weekend with all the bigtime rivalries next weekend. In regards to the Gators, while I am terribly disappointed by the outcome last weekend and hell, the entire season, I am hopeful that our headcoach, who has won 2 National Titles and 2 SEC championships is fully capable of righting this ship. It looks dark, but it would be foolish for anyone to call for Meyer to be fired. And one more thing, anyone who was “HAPPY” when Spurrier beat us last weekend should take all of his Gator gear, put in a box and send it off to someone who isn’t a total sellout. If you do this I will personally send you a Gamecock hat, and staple it to your Benedict Arnold head. Spurrier is NOT your friend if you are a Gator. He did some wonderful things at UF and then left us high and dry, and THEN became a coach at a division RIVAL. Not saying I wish he had never coached the Gators, but that he sure is acting like it meant nothing to him. To everyone who said, “CuzzinBailey, you’re over reacting. He’s going to USC, he’ll never challenge us for the SEC East,” well I have a word for you, and it ain’t pretty. Hey if you want some exciting not-so-breaking news, follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey It’ll change your life.
Bye Week: Auburn; Georgia; Kentucky
Thursday
7:30pm
CB
Georgia State at Alabama (NL)
Well with Auburn beating regular Georgia last weekend, the West was locked up too. Devastating perhaps to the Tide as an Iron Bowl win won’t mean as much as it could have meant. That isn’t to say Bama would LOVE to ruin an otherwise perfect season for the Tigers. Georgia State plays teams I swear I have never heard of and a few that surprised me that they have football teams. GSU lost to Old Dominion. That should say it all here kids. The Tide could struggle all day long but that isn’t going to change anything. Crimson Tide roll in this one, playing mostly backups and to tune up for their chances to send Cam Newton to the NFL with no Heisman and no chance at a National Title. Nope, all that kid’s gonna carry with him, other than a humongous amount of baggage, is an SEC title ring that will be taken away almost as quickly as it was won.
Jawja State 3
Bama 63
EGM
Who really cares?
ML
Bill Curry U 0
Bama 99
Saturday
12:21pm
ML
Troy at South Carolina (-23)
It’s weird. I don’t feel anger toward the ol’ ball coach, but at the same time I didn’t feel a tinge of joy or happiness that he won the East. Let’s be honest, it is highly unlikely the rest of the East will be this down again, so if SC were ever going to win the division it had to be this year. Unless of course the Gators decide to bring back Addazio and double down on the spread with John Brantley, then they just have to worry about Georgia. I fully expect Troy to cover this week. After all, SC will have a bit of a hangover and last time I heard Troy doesn’t have a Pop Warner offense.
Trojans 17
Cocks 30
CB
Troy 16
Cocks 27
EGM
Trojans 13
Cocks 31
12:30pm
EGM
Appalachian State at Florida (NL)
What a pathetic showing for the Gators on Saturday night. They looked thoroughly unprepared and unmotivated. I can’t blame things like that on the coach, right? I mean gameplanning, adapting to personnel issues, putting players in the right situations are not things coaches should really do, right? The job of coach is to find a system, put the system into place, hope the players are suited for the system, and sit back and watch the results. If the results are not good, double down on the system and start splitting fours (i.e. run the same plays only faster). Urban Meyer had the dumbfounded gaze of Ron Zook on Saturday night. The only different thing is that Zook’s teams scored points while he maintained this posture. I’m sure the stalwart spread offense defender would immediately ask me if I liked Zook more. Of course I don’t, I’m merely saying the Meyer looks like Cougar from Top Gun after the run in with the MIG. He might even have a picture of his kids in his pocket that he looks at during games. Its time for the bald, shittalking Captain of the ship to give Coug a good talking to. Meyer makes huge dollars, there is no excuse for this type of failure. I know I’m supposed to “give him a break” because of the national titles but he’s not the same coach that won those titles. In the early years he adapted and did what it takes. Now, he merely looks Addazio in the eye and says “it worked in practice, right?”
I understand I’m that guy now. The overreacting, bad fan. I don’t care. I love winning. If I failed like Meyer this year in my own career, I would be fired. I apply the same standard.
The offense is just pathetic. There is no way to describe how bad it is. Its not just a personnel issue.
The defense is sloppy and prone to giving up huge plays due to a Joe Lee Dunn style of blitzing.
That’s the 2010 Florida Gators. Don’t expect changes either. After all, it’s all about the system. Hopefully, someday is about winning again.
Mountaineers 500
Gators 0
ML
Appy State 12
Swing Pass U 2
CB
Appy 6
FLORIDA 34
3:30pm
CB
Ole Miss at LSU (-16)
Its funny, every once in a while this rivalry actually lives up to its potential. Every so often these teams put on a show that would make Billy Cannon stand up and cheer, the kind that would make Archie Manning opt for another face lift! Unfortunately this year, the Ole Miss winning streak over the Bayou Bengals will end in a big way. Its pretty clear that Les “Guess” Miles has proven that he isn’t the total hack we all thought he was with some bigtime wins this season. This can result in 1 of 2 things. Perhaps LSU, knowing now that their shot at the SEC title is officially kaput, will just mail this game in knowing its pretty much a lock while they think ahead towards Arkansas, or 2) LSU will roll the Rebels because that is what all the experts are saying. I hate to say this, but I think the latter is most likely to occur. I really dislike the Tigers, but they are the better team. If this were at night I would call for a record number of murders in Baton Rouge. Thankfully, it’s a day game.
Rebs 10
Tigs 25
EGM
Black Bears 13
Tigers 16
ML
Stuffed Bears 10
Drunk Tigers 34
7:00pm
ML
Arkansas at Mississippi State (+3)
I actually had to look up whether these two teams won or lost last week. It goes to show you how “checked-out” I’ve been since the worst performance by a Gator team in 20+ years. Arkansas predictably whipped up on UTEP, and their quarterback almost threw for as many TDs as the Gators have all year. I wonder how many swing passes Petrino called. Meanwhile, the Western Dawgs fell to ‘Bama, but look like a paragon of virtue if you believe the details of Cam-Gate. I actually blame the Gators for MSU’s loss. Bear with me. Since UF was the last “high profile” opponent before the Bama game, I think their DC was under the misapprehension that it was against the rules to throw the ball more than 6 yards down the field. How else can you explain 45 and 78 yard TD passes allowed? I think the Bulldogs will adjust, and play a soft zone against Mallett and try to force FGs. It will work, for a while…
Aerial Arky 29
Ground Dogs 20
CB
Ark 27
Miss St 26
EGM
Arky 31
Miss State 17
EGM
Tennessee at Vanderbilt (+9.5)
I could really care less about both of these teams. Tennessee has a few good players. Vandy has zero good players and a fat coach. I guess that’s worth about nine and half points.
Vols 21
Vandy 13
ML
UT 30
VU 10
CB
UT 38
Vandie 10
Last week was certainly a great week of football if you’re an Auburn or South Carolina fan. Unfortunately, I’m neither of those things so I’m down in the dumps trying to figure out what the NBA schedule is this Friday.
Malt Licker
Now that the Gator season is in shambles, thanks in no small part to Addazio, Mr. Mom Meyer and Johnny Brantley (nice catch dude), I’ve turned my attention to the soap opera coming out of the Plains in Alabama. This story has everything. Scumbag Supreme Bobby Lowder, the Victoryland Racino, tremendous luck by Auburn players at said Racino, Great Southern Wood, misappropriation of TARP funds, federal indictments, a crooked preacher (Cam’s Dad), the best player in the country and Joe Schad’s receding hairline. What more could you ask for? Oh yea, how bout we not lose at home to our former coach while registering 67 yards through three quarters? How bout no more swing passes when the entire defense is within 10 yards of the line of scrimmage? How bout blocking someone? Can we consider benching defensive ends that bring less pressure from the outside than Betty White and a quarterback with less pocket presence than a piece of lent? As for Mr. Mom Meyer, maybe your family should be satisfied with the $4 million daddy brings home and you should spend all your time making sure the product on the field warrants that salary.
Cuzzin Bailey
Okay this is the first time in I think forever, I had a personal attendance LOSING record. But that’s what we got here. I made an impromptu trip to Gainesville last Saturday and now I have seen ONE win and THREE losses this season. Pathetic. And to top off a great weekend, on Monday the media ran with a story that stated that Steve Adazzio was definitely coming back next season. Here’s the rub: at the press conference, Meyer was asked if Adazz would be fired, he said, “no I don’t think so.” Does that sound like a rousing endorsement to you???? I hate sports reporters sometimes, but then again I’m addicted to twitter, so there’s really nothing I can do about this. Speaking of Twitter, I past my thousandth Tweet early this week. Can you believe you have already missed 1000 examples of my awesomeness? Its not too late. Really ain’t too many exciting games this weekend with all the bigtime rivalries next weekend. In regards to the Gators, while I am terribly disappointed by the outcome last weekend and hell, the entire season, I am hopeful that our headcoach, who has won 2 National Titles and 2 SEC championships is fully capable of righting this ship. It looks dark, but it would be foolish for anyone to call for Meyer to be fired. And one more thing, anyone who was “HAPPY” when Spurrier beat us last weekend should take all of his Gator gear, put in a box and send it off to someone who isn’t a total sellout. If you do this I will personally send you a Gamecock hat, and staple it to your Benedict Arnold head. Spurrier is NOT your friend if you are a Gator. He did some wonderful things at UF and then left us high and dry, and THEN became a coach at a division RIVAL. Not saying I wish he had never coached the Gators, but that he sure is acting like it meant nothing to him. To everyone who said, “CuzzinBailey, you’re over reacting. He’s going to USC, he’ll never challenge us for the SEC East,” well I have a word for you, and it ain’t pretty. Hey if you want some exciting not-so-breaking news, follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey It’ll change your life.
Bye Week: Auburn; Georgia; Kentucky
Thursday
7:30pm
CB
Georgia State at Alabama (NL)
Well with Auburn beating regular Georgia last weekend, the West was locked up too. Devastating perhaps to the Tide as an Iron Bowl win won’t mean as much as it could have meant. That isn’t to say Bama would LOVE to ruin an otherwise perfect season for the Tigers. Georgia State plays teams I swear I have never heard of and a few that surprised me that they have football teams. GSU lost to Old Dominion. That should say it all here kids. The Tide could struggle all day long but that isn’t going to change anything. Crimson Tide roll in this one, playing mostly backups and to tune up for their chances to send Cam Newton to the NFL with no Heisman and no chance at a National Title. Nope, all that kid’s gonna carry with him, other than a humongous amount of baggage, is an SEC title ring that will be taken away almost as quickly as it was won.
Jawja State 3
Bama 63
EGM
Who really cares?
ML
Bill Curry U 0
Bama 99
Saturday
12:21pm
ML
Troy at South Carolina (-23)
It’s weird. I don’t feel anger toward the ol’ ball coach, but at the same time I didn’t feel a tinge of joy or happiness that he won the East. Let’s be honest, it is highly unlikely the rest of the East will be this down again, so if SC were ever going to win the division it had to be this year. Unless of course the Gators decide to bring back Addazio and double down on the spread with John Brantley, then they just have to worry about Georgia. I fully expect Troy to cover this week. After all, SC will have a bit of a hangover and last time I heard Troy doesn’t have a Pop Warner offense.
Trojans 17
Cocks 30
CB
Troy 16
Cocks 27
EGM
Trojans 13
Cocks 31
12:30pm
EGM
Appalachian State at Florida (NL)
What a pathetic showing for the Gators on Saturday night. They looked thoroughly unprepared and unmotivated. I can’t blame things like that on the coach, right? I mean gameplanning, adapting to personnel issues, putting players in the right situations are not things coaches should really do, right? The job of coach is to find a system, put the system into place, hope the players are suited for the system, and sit back and watch the results. If the results are not good, double down on the system and start splitting fours (i.e. run the same plays only faster). Urban Meyer had the dumbfounded gaze of Ron Zook on Saturday night. The only different thing is that Zook’s teams scored points while he maintained this posture. I’m sure the stalwart spread offense defender would immediately ask me if I liked Zook more. Of course I don’t, I’m merely saying the Meyer looks like Cougar from Top Gun after the run in with the MIG. He might even have a picture of his kids in his pocket that he looks at during games. Its time for the bald, shittalking Captain of the ship to give Coug a good talking to. Meyer makes huge dollars, there is no excuse for this type of failure. I know I’m supposed to “give him a break” because of the national titles but he’s not the same coach that won those titles. In the early years he adapted and did what it takes. Now, he merely looks Addazio in the eye and says “it worked in practice, right?”
I understand I’m that guy now. The overreacting, bad fan. I don’t care. I love winning. If I failed like Meyer this year in my own career, I would be fired. I apply the same standard.
The offense is just pathetic. There is no way to describe how bad it is. Its not just a personnel issue.
The defense is sloppy and prone to giving up huge plays due to a Joe Lee Dunn style of blitzing.
That’s the 2010 Florida Gators. Don’t expect changes either. After all, it’s all about the system. Hopefully, someday is about winning again.
Mountaineers 500
Gators 0
ML
Appy State 12
Swing Pass U 2
CB
Appy 6
FLORIDA 34
3:30pm
CB
Ole Miss at LSU (-16)
Its funny, every once in a while this rivalry actually lives up to its potential. Every so often these teams put on a show that would make Billy Cannon stand up and cheer, the kind that would make Archie Manning opt for another face lift! Unfortunately this year, the Ole Miss winning streak over the Bayou Bengals will end in a big way. Its pretty clear that Les “Guess” Miles has proven that he isn’t the total hack we all thought he was with some bigtime wins this season. This can result in 1 of 2 things. Perhaps LSU, knowing now that their shot at the SEC title is officially kaput, will just mail this game in knowing its pretty much a lock while they think ahead towards Arkansas, or 2) LSU will roll the Rebels because that is what all the experts are saying. I hate to say this, but I think the latter is most likely to occur. I really dislike the Tigers, but they are the better team. If this were at night I would call for a record number of murders in Baton Rouge. Thankfully, it’s a day game.
Rebs 10
Tigs 25
EGM
Black Bears 13
Tigers 16
ML
Stuffed Bears 10
Drunk Tigers 34
7:00pm
ML
Arkansas at Mississippi State (+3)
I actually had to look up whether these two teams won or lost last week. It goes to show you how “checked-out” I’ve been since the worst performance by a Gator team in 20+ years. Arkansas predictably whipped up on UTEP, and their quarterback almost threw for as many TDs as the Gators have all year. I wonder how many swing passes Petrino called. Meanwhile, the Western Dawgs fell to ‘Bama, but look like a paragon of virtue if you believe the details of Cam-Gate. I actually blame the Gators for MSU’s loss. Bear with me. Since UF was the last “high profile” opponent before the Bama game, I think their DC was under the misapprehension that it was against the rules to throw the ball more than 6 yards down the field. How else can you explain 45 and 78 yard TD passes allowed? I think the Bulldogs will adjust, and play a soft zone against Mallett and try to force FGs. It will work, for a while…
Aerial Arky 29
Ground Dogs 20
CB
Ark 27
Miss St 26
EGM
Arky 31
Miss State 17
EGM
Tennessee at Vanderbilt (+9.5)
I could really care less about both of these teams. Tennessee has a few good players. Vandy has zero good players and a fat coach. I guess that’s worth about nine and half points.
Vols 21
Vandy 13
ML
UT 30
VU 10
CB
UT 38
Vandie 10
Friday, November 12, 2010
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC 2010 - WEEK XI
Cuzzin Bailey
To start off I want to say, Happy Birthday to my Sister!! As long as everyone in St Pete keeps referring to you as “(Cuzzin Bailey’s) younger sister,” I’ll go along with it! Also, I had an amazing time with my fiancé last weekend in Oxford, MS. From the company to the food to the entertainment, everything was perfect. Its always fun to go to another SEC game when the Gator aren’t playing. Sure I was going for the home team, but it wasn’t stressful at all, and let’s be honest, being able to have your own bottle of Beam and not have to worry about getting pinched is a big deal. So back to the present; after a thorough drubbing of the Commodores last weekend, the winner of the USC/UF game is poised to be the first 3 (SEC game) loss participant since the 2002 Arkansas team that lost to UGA (who was kept out of a National Championship appearance thanks to the Zook led Gators!!!) Anyways, I just found out yesterday morning that I have a ticket for the game so I will be participating in the “Blue-Out!” Hell, I know its cheesy, but I like Meyer’s moxie. He doesn’t care that this will be described by some haters as “Fake Juice,” he is using it as a rallying cry and I hope everyone in the Swamp rings the bell. Anyways, I was just thinking about this looking at my slate today: a little heads up to the two ways I can write about a game. If its full of fun and jokes and sarcasm, I’m having fun and put a lot of time into it; if all you see are stats, no exclamation points, and straight down-to-business picking, not only do I not care about the game, but I know very little about one or both of the opponents and consider the task to be wasting my time!!! Enjoy, but honestly, how can you NOT after all that…if you want to be part of the CuzzinBailey Army follow my lead/link: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey
El Gran Mono
After a fairly calm weekend, we now move to Division Championship Week. I have yet to see any simpleton names put forward by ESPN’s gang of ad men. I guess they are too busy focusing on Boise State and unsubstantiated rumors concerning Cam Newton. The lawyer in me says this guy is receiving some unjust criticism considering the basis of everything is “unnamed sources”. However, things are starting to pile up and my asshole detector is registering some high readings. I can’t wait to watch the Gator game solo at a bar in Manhattan, if you are in NYC, send me a tweet @elgranmono1865. I might just buy you a Clausthaler...or a Brooklyn Lager if you are lucky.
Malt Licker
What a weird season…after a dreadful October our beloved Gators find themselves facing Spurdog, the architect of our emergence as a dominant program, for a chance to win another Eastern division crown and the right to get spanked by the western champ in Atlanta. Has there ever been this much of a disparity between East and West? Whoever wins in the Swamp tomorrow would probably be fighting with Ole Miss to stay out of the cellar in the West. Since starting out 18-16, I’ve correctly picked 85% of my games (trust me) so you should liquidate all assets and make wagers based on the following prognostications. Also, I’ll be rendezvousing with Cuzzin’ Bailey at the Salty Dog Saloon, where I am always receptive to my fans buying me drinks. It’s the least you can do.
12:00pm
CB
Ole Miss at Tennessee (-2)
So after watching the Rebel Bears struggle a bit with Louisiana-Lafayette last weekend, I am weary of picking them. But then again, Tennessee basically has to win out at this late in the season to become bowl eligible. Just a few thoughts that entered my skull last weekend in Oxford: The Grove is (aside from Florida/Jax) the best tailgating I have seen in the conference. I can’t fairly compare it to UF since I am so biased but, here’s the rundown, Grove: tons of tents, mostly catered, lots of flat-screens, beautiful southern people, just a happy fun time; Knoxville, a dump, mean angry people, blindingly gut-wrenching Orange that looks like an unripe naranja. (Sorry, just didn’t feel like typing orange twice in one sentence). ANYWAYS, in regards to the game, you got a not great Ole Miss defense against a rookie QB that tore up Memphis state last weekend; and in the other corner we have the Rebel Bears who have the ability to score and that will be important since UT almost lost to UAB earlier in the season. I like a marginally high-scoring affair (say in the 30s), and we may get blessed with some more Overtime…
Reb-Bears 32
Vuls 31
EGM
Black Bears 28
Vols 24
ML
Smokey the Bear 24
Smokey Mountain U 20
12:21pm
EGM
Vanderbilt at Kentucky (-14)
This game is typically the punchline of a joke and this year is no exception. Vanderbilt has one of the worst offenses in the country. Cuz has a rocket arm compared to their QB and I’m pretty sure the Licker has better moves than their tailback. Also, their coach is fat. As for Kentucky, its pretty clear that Bluegrass country has already moved in to basketball season. The boosters are filling the hoops players with cash and the football team has nothing but jealousy in their eyes. In spite of this, the game sets up pretty well for the Wildcats because their offense isn’t half bad and Vandy’s defense is bad on the road. Fourteen points seems like a lot, but I like the Cats big.
Fat Coach 10
Randall Cobb 28
ML
VanderSuck 12
Kats 31
CB
Nerds 13
Kats 34
3:30pm
EGM
Georgia at Auburn (-8.5)
East Georgia v. West Georgia. The haves v. the have nots. The balding, has been coach v. the thick haired, rockstar coach.
Auburn clearly looks like a team of destiny at this point and I’m sure some people are wondering why that line is so low given UGA’s record. Well, I was actually thinking it was too HIGH. The Dawgs have been the victim of a brutal schedule and some close losses. They can move the ball on offense and Auburn’s defense is fairly porous. However, after being shredded by Johnny Brantley and Co., UGA doesn’t stand a chance of stopping Cthulhu Cam Newton. This game might resemble that Arkansas-Auburn game of several weeks ago. The result should also be the same.
Dawgs 31
Tigers 35
ML
UGA 20
Cam U 27
CB
Dawgs 23
PlainsEagles 30
7:00pm
CB
UTEP at Arkansas (-28)
Sports, football, blah blah. This is a prime example of a game I could care less about. Alls I know here is that Arkansas beat up on the first place team in the SEC EAST last weekend; and UTEP just ended a 3 game losing streak. God I can’t even concentrate on this. Look, the 3 teams UTEP most recently lost to have a combined record of 9 and 19. The Miners are gonna get left in the mine with no oxygen…ugh, that didn’t feel right when I typed it. I’m sorry
Miners 3
Hawgs 40
EGM
Miners 10
Arky 41
ML
Miners 3
Hawgs 33
ML
Louisiana-Monroe at LSU (-32.5)
He mismanages clocks, he wins games. He eats grass. He wins games. He can’t clap. He wins games. Say what you want about the Mad Hatter, but the man wins games. You may call it lucky or wonder who holds the deed to his soul, but make no mistake; Les Miles is entertaining and good for the SEC. If you are flipping through the dial and you see that LSU is on, you will stop and see if it’s a close game to watch chaos ensue. With all that said, the reverse call on 4th and 1 against Bama is one of the best I’ve ever seen. LSU will win comfortably, but not cover, which you can do when favored by 30+.
Lou-Mo 6
L-S-U 35
CB
Lou-Mon 10
LSU 40
EGM
LaMo 6
Tigers 35
7:15pm
ML
Mississippi State at Alabama (-13.5)
This just in…anonymous sources out of Starkville say they have confirmation that Nick Saban spends his free time sodomizing wild turkeys while drinking the blood of saber-toothed tigers. If it comes out of Starkville, and is anonymous, you know it must be true. Speaking of Starkville anonymity, how about their entire team? Can you name one guy on their squad off the top of your head? Me either. This game has all the makings of an angry beat down. After two losses, the Tide is no longer Target #1 and would love to take out some frustration on their little brothers from Starkville. The Western Dawgs are riding high behind a six game winning streak and are feeling disrespected by the large point spread. Can they find running room against a chastened ‘Bama D? It needs to happen for this game to remain close.
Running on Empty 9
Tide 28
CB
Miss State 13
Bama 28
EGM
Miss State 10
Bama 24
CB
South Carolina at Florida (-6.5)
This IS the SEC EAST CHAMPIONSHIP GAME ladies and gentlemen! I am making such a big deal about this for a number of reasons: 1) The odds are we’ll probably be underdogs in Atlanta; 2) No one expected this after we lost 3 games in October; and 3) Probably most important of all, I’m GONNA BE THERE!!! That’s right, 2/3 of the BourbonBoys will be in attendance for the Meyer requested Blue-Out. EGM would mock that. I support rally cries, I like unity for the greater good!!! Gators halted a 3 game skid by beating the hated Dawgs in overtime and then humiliating the Commodores in front of their parents. This year Spurrier returns to the Swamp, this time with the ability to not only ruin Florida’s season, but make this one historic for the Cocks. Man he was such a great Coach for UF. I am so happy for the great success he brought our program, but let’s be honest, HE IS COACHING OUR OPPONENT NOW! Why would anyone be “happy for Steve” if he leads the Gamecocks to the SEC title game? Why does that make sense? It ain’t like we fired him or anything. Anyways, I doubt that’s gonna be an issue to anyone other than the select alumni that are still missing SOS. The seniors on our team were freshmen in high school in 2002, Ron Zook’s first year. Anyway, UF offense is starting to click, and a good offense is probably gonna be enough to at least out-gun the Cocks. I’m going with the Home Crowd…shockingly enough.
Cocks 23
GATORS 32
EGM
Cocks 21
Gators 24
ML
Cocks 20
Gators 24
To start off I want to say, Happy Birthday to my Sister!! As long as everyone in St Pete keeps referring to you as “(Cuzzin Bailey’s) younger sister,” I’ll go along with it! Also, I had an amazing time with my fiancé last weekend in Oxford, MS. From the company to the food to the entertainment, everything was perfect. Its always fun to go to another SEC game when the Gator aren’t playing. Sure I was going for the home team, but it wasn’t stressful at all, and let’s be honest, being able to have your own bottle of Beam and not have to worry about getting pinched is a big deal. So back to the present; after a thorough drubbing of the Commodores last weekend, the winner of the USC/UF game is poised to be the first 3 (SEC game) loss participant since the 2002 Arkansas team that lost to UGA (who was kept out of a National Championship appearance thanks to the Zook led Gators!!!) Anyways, I just found out yesterday morning that I have a ticket for the game so I will be participating in the “Blue-Out!” Hell, I know its cheesy, but I like Meyer’s moxie. He doesn’t care that this will be described by some haters as “Fake Juice,” he is using it as a rallying cry and I hope everyone in the Swamp rings the bell. Anyways, I was just thinking about this looking at my slate today: a little heads up to the two ways I can write about a game. If its full of fun and jokes and sarcasm, I’m having fun and put a lot of time into it; if all you see are stats, no exclamation points, and straight down-to-business picking, not only do I not care about the game, but I know very little about one or both of the opponents and consider the task to be wasting my time!!! Enjoy, but honestly, how can you NOT after all that…if you want to be part of the CuzzinBailey Army follow my lead/link: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey
El Gran Mono
After a fairly calm weekend, we now move to Division Championship Week. I have yet to see any simpleton names put forward by ESPN’s gang of ad men. I guess they are too busy focusing on Boise State and unsubstantiated rumors concerning Cam Newton. The lawyer in me says this guy is receiving some unjust criticism considering the basis of everything is “unnamed sources”. However, things are starting to pile up and my asshole detector is registering some high readings. I can’t wait to watch the Gator game solo at a bar in Manhattan, if you are in NYC, send me a tweet @elgranmono1865. I might just buy you a Clausthaler...or a Brooklyn Lager if you are lucky.
Malt Licker
What a weird season…after a dreadful October our beloved Gators find themselves facing Spurdog, the architect of our emergence as a dominant program, for a chance to win another Eastern division crown and the right to get spanked by the western champ in Atlanta. Has there ever been this much of a disparity between East and West? Whoever wins in the Swamp tomorrow would probably be fighting with Ole Miss to stay out of the cellar in the West. Since starting out 18-16, I’ve correctly picked 85% of my games (trust me) so you should liquidate all assets and make wagers based on the following prognostications. Also, I’ll be rendezvousing with Cuzzin’ Bailey at the Salty Dog Saloon, where I am always receptive to my fans buying me drinks. It’s the least you can do.
12:00pm
CB
Ole Miss at Tennessee (-2)
So after watching the Rebel Bears struggle a bit with Louisiana-Lafayette last weekend, I am weary of picking them. But then again, Tennessee basically has to win out at this late in the season to become bowl eligible. Just a few thoughts that entered my skull last weekend in Oxford: The Grove is (aside from Florida/Jax) the best tailgating I have seen in the conference. I can’t fairly compare it to UF since I am so biased but, here’s the rundown, Grove: tons of tents, mostly catered, lots of flat-screens, beautiful southern people, just a happy fun time; Knoxville, a dump, mean angry people, blindingly gut-wrenching Orange that looks like an unripe naranja. (Sorry, just didn’t feel like typing orange twice in one sentence). ANYWAYS, in regards to the game, you got a not great Ole Miss defense against a rookie QB that tore up Memphis state last weekend; and in the other corner we have the Rebel Bears who have the ability to score and that will be important since UT almost lost to UAB earlier in the season. I like a marginally high-scoring affair (say in the 30s), and we may get blessed with some more Overtime…
Reb-Bears 32
Vuls 31
EGM
Black Bears 28
Vols 24
ML
Smokey the Bear 24
Smokey Mountain U 20
12:21pm
EGM
Vanderbilt at Kentucky (-14)
This game is typically the punchline of a joke and this year is no exception. Vanderbilt has one of the worst offenses in the country. Cuz has a rocket arm compared to their QB and I’m pretty sure the Licker has better moves than their tailback. Also, their coach is fat. As for Kentucky, its pretty clear that Bluegrass country has already moved in to basketball season. The boosters are filling the hoops players with cash and the football team has nothing but jealousy in their eyes. In spite of this, the game sets up pretty well for the Wildcats because their offense isn’t half bad and Vandy’s defense is bad on the road. Fourteen points seems like a lot, but I like the Cats big.
Fat Coach 10
Randall Cobb 28
ML
VanderSuck 12
Kats 31
CB
Nerds 13
Kats 34
3:30pm
EGM
Georgia at Auburn (-8.5)
East Georgia v. West Georgia. The haves v. the have nots. The balding, has been coach v. the thick haired, rockstar coach.
Auburn clearly looks like a team of destiny at this point and I’m sure some people are wondering why that line is so low given UGA’s record. Well, I was actually thinking it was too HIGH. The Dawgs have been the victim of a brutal schedule and some close losses. They can move the ball on offense and Auburn’s defense is fairly porous. However, after being shredded by Johnny Brantley and Co., UGA doesn’t stand a chance of stopping Cthulhu Cam Newton. This game might resemble that Arkansas-Auburn game of several weeks ago. The result should also be the same.
Dawgs 31
Tigers 35
ML
UGA 20
Cam U 27
CB
Dawgs 23
PlainsEagles 30
7:00pm
CB
UTEP at Arkansas (-28)
Sports, football, blah blah. This is a prime example of a game I could care less about. Alls I know here is that Arkansas beat up on the first place team in the SEC EAST last weekend; and UTEP just ended a 3 game losing streak. God I can’t even concentrate on this. Look, the 3 teams UTEP most recently lost to have a combined record of 9 and 19. The Miners are gonna get left in the mine with no oxygen…ugh, that didn’t feel right when I typed it. I’m sorry
Miners 3
Hawgs 40
EGM
Miners 10
Arky 41
ML
Miners 3
Hawgs 33
ML
Louisiana-Monroe at LSU (-32.5)
He mismanages clocks, he wins games. He eats grass. He wins games. He can’t clap. He wins games. Say what you want about the Mad Hatter, but the man wins games. You may call it lucky or wonder who holds the deed to his soul, but make no mistake; Les Miles is entertaining and good for the SEC. If you are flipping through the dial and you see that LSU is on, you will stop and see if it’s a close game to watch chaos ensue. With all that said, the reverse call on 4th and 1 against Bama is one of the best I’ve ever seen. LSU will win comfortably, but not cover, which you can do when favored by 30+.
Lou-Mo 6
L-S-U 35
CB
Lou-Mon 10
LSU 40
EGM
LaMo 6
Tigers 35
7:15pm
ML
Mississippi State at Alabama (-13.5)
This just in…anonymous sources out of Starkville say they have confirmation that Nick Saban spends his free time sodomizing wild turkeys while drinking the blood of saber-toothed tigers. If it comes out of Starkville, and is anonymous, you know it must be true. Speaking of Starkville anonymity, how about their entire team? Can you name one guy on their squad off the top of your head? Me either. This game has all the makings of an angry beat down. After two losses, the Tide is no longer Target #1 and would love to take out some frustration on their little brothers from Starkville. The Western Dawgs are riding high behind a six game winning streak and are feeling disrespected by the large point spread. Can they find running room against a chastened ‘Bama D? It needs to happen for this game to remain close.
Running on Empty 9
Tide 28
CB
Miss State 13
Bama 28
EGM
Miss State 10
Bama 24
CB
South Carolina at Florida (-6.5)
This IS the SEC EAST CHAMPIONSHIP GAME ladies and gentlemen! I am making such a big deal about this for a number of reasons: 1) The odds are we’ll probably be underdogs in Atlanta; 2) No one expected this after we lost 3 games in October; and 3) Probably most important of all, I’m GONNA BE THERE!!! That’s right, 2/3 of the BourbonBoys will be in attendance for the Meyer requested Blue-Out. EGM would mock that. I support rally cries, I like unity for the greater good!!! Gators halted a 3 game skid by beating the hated Dawgs in overtime and then humiliating the Commodores in front of their parents. This year Spurrier returns to the Swamp, this time with the ability to not only ruin Florida’s season, but make this one historic for the Cocks. Man he was such a great Coach for UF. I am so happy for the great success he brought our program, but let’s be honest, HE IS COACHING OUR OPPONENT NOW! Why would anyone be “happy for Steve” if he leads the Gamecocks to the SEC title game? Why does that make sense? It ain’t like we fired him or anything. Anyways, I doubt that’s gonna be an issue to anyone other than the select alumni that are still missing SOS. The seniors on our team were freshmen in high school in 2002, Ron Zook’s first year. Anyway, UF offense is starting to click, and a good offense is probably gonna be enough to at least out-gun the Cocks. I’m going with the Home Crowd…shockingly enough.
Cocks 23
GATORS 32
EGM
Cocks 21
Gators 24
ML
Cocks 20
Gators 24
Friday, November 05, 2010
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC Week X
Malt Licker
Should we really be excited? I mean, it is Georgia. Shouldn’t we consider it a loss since it took extra time to beat the Dawgies? Maybe we should, but I was psyched last week. It felt great to finally get a W and avoid going 0 for October, especially since I was convinced we couldn’t stop Orson Charles and AJ Green. There is one big game out west, as ‘Bama looks to sidestep the Mad Hatter and setup a huge Iron Bowl, but the rest of the SEC slate is underwhelming. That’s okay though, because I get to write about my adopted favorite team, Boise State!!!!
Cuzzin Bailey
Welcome back to reality everyone, and by that I mean they won’t lock you up on the loony bin to think the Gators have a decent shot at a trip to Hot-Lanta. In a thrilling OT victory over the hated Bulldyk..DOGS, the Gators have “resurrected” their season and with some destruction this weekend, we’ll be one game away from glory. (And by “glory” I mean our opportunity to go 0-fer the SEC West this year). Anyways, wrapping up the Horror movie theme, last night I watched a movie El Gran Mono wouldn’t be caught dead watching…the new version of Nightmare on Elm Street. EGM is a traditionalist when it comes to movies; he will NEVER watch a remake. You have to respect that line in the sand, HE WON’T DO IT! Anyways, the movie was REALLY scary. Not fun and campy like the Jason movies, and very graphic unlike Halloween. Kind of like the Gators…remember when it was fun to watch our team and not terrible nerve-racking? For most of this season I have watched us play with a hand over my eyes just in case Freddy’s gonna jump out of a freaking mirror and kill someone (and he does). Well hopefully those days are over, I’m liking this triple threat QB system we have going here, (one passes, one runs fast, one runs big)…So basically its taking 3 dudes to do what one kid did here for 4 years. And you know what? I don’t give a crap! I hope JB is being honest when he says it doesn’t bother him…actually, I don’t care. All I really care about is winning (oh and doing “the right way,” HAHA just kidding). GO GATORS! If you want to follow nonsensical sports and other topics on twitter, follow me and then delete me…it happens: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey
El Gran Mono
I am now on Zocor, that’s what the Gators have driven me to. However, I guess that’s better than the cocktail of anti-depressants and erection drugs that UGA fans have been on for the last 21 years. I’ll let Cuzz’ Bailey, #1 Gator enthusiast cover the rest of the game because I’m only going to bring people down. As for the rest of the SEC/NCAA, Roadblock Saturday proved to be a true obstacle to faux BCS chances (see Mizzou and Sparty). Oregon had no trouble with the father and son hack combo. Oregon State and Arizona are all that stands between the Ducks and 17 point loss to Alabama on a Monday night in January. That’s right, I’m not buying the Ducks against a real defense. I think they are good but remind me a lot of 2008 Joklahoma. And that Sooner team, had a much better QB, OLine and defense.
As for this week, I fully expect a war between the Tide and Tigers and more Cam Newton rumors…
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Mississippi State – OFF WEEK
12:21pm
CB
Florida at Vanderbilt (-14)
As I’m sure you all are aware of by now, the Gators are 2 SEC wins away from going back to the SEC Champ game, something that seemed ludicrous as recent as last week. Now I know this is a “trap game,” but this isn’t your slightly older friend’s Vandy. There’s no Jay Cutler and … hell there’s no coach. The Commodores are giving up 9 more points per game than they are getting. That is just pathetic. I know that historically we have struggled with Vandy, but I think this year, given the importance, we have no reason to be looking past Nashville. Since beating Eastern Michigan on October 9th, Vandy has lost its last three games by a combined total of 113 to 21. Disgusting. Oh yea, one of those losses was to UGA who the Gators beat last weekend in the Cocktail Party!!!! My God we had such a good time. Perfect day for tailgating, so much food and drink, and my secret boxer-pocket worked flawlessly!! 10 airplane bottles of Jim Beam joined me at my seat…it was amazing. Oh yea, Gators cover…no problem.
FLORIDA 32
Vandie 7
EGM
Gators 23
Dores 10
ML
Gators 31
Dores 10
12:30pm
ML
Idaho State at Georgia (NL)
Whooo hoo Boise State…wait, your saying its not Boise, but Idaho State? I thought there was only one school in my beloved Gem State. Oh well, UGA needs to find a way to beat the Bengals from Pocatello, who are currently 1-7 and winless in the Big Sky conference. Hopefully they’ll be able to gather together their shattered dreams and make it to .500 with a W over the Bengals. I’d really rather talk about Boise State, who face a tough test this week, against the Rainbow Warriors, who are the last team to beat Boise in the regular season. Yea that’s right, my beloved Broncos have won 32 regular season games in a row! Getting back to Georgia, can we all relax about their assistant giving Chas the choke sign? It’s not that big a deal. Everyone needs to lighten up. It has gotten out of control, as we have now reached the point where basketball players need to make sure their trash-talk is not “insensitive.”
Big Skyy 3
Big Choke 43
CB
Sacrificial Bengals 6
Reeling Dawgs 54
EGM
PotaTOEs 13
Dawgs 51
EGM
Charleston Southern at Kentucky (NL)
There always seem to be a few of these matchups late in the season between SEC teams and D-IAA teams. Thank goodness for the 12th game! Watch Randall Cobb, he’s worth it.
Ft. Sumter 10
Ft. Knox 42
ML
Buccaneers 6
Cats 55
CB
Challston Suthun 5
Kiats 43
1:00pm
CB
Chattanooga at Auburn (NL)
Since there is no line here, and its clear who the winner will be, let me just take a second to say: this Auburn team reminds me of the 2007 Gator squad (minus the losses); Great offense, outstanding, fun to watch, but terrible defense. Of course they have two more rivalry games to go, and losing to Bama could destroy a stellar season! Here’s to that! I hate Auburn
Nooga 10
Ah-Barn 100
EGM
Chattanooga 3
Plainsmen 52
ML
FCS Mocs 3
Awbarn 60
3:30pm
ML
Alabama at LSU (+6.5)
Can the Mad Hatter do it again? It’s a battle of one-loss powerhouses in Death Valley. ‘Bama controls their own destiny on the road to Atlanta, but LSU can’t get there without some help. It sounds like a broken record, but to beat ‘Bama you must make them one dimensional, and then put heat on McElroy. Rinse. Repeat. Then the Tigers need 2 or 3 big plays, whether via defense, special teams, or the lucky horseshoe stuck in Les Miles’ ass. Typically Satan’s teams avoid these plays, but some crazy stuff can happen down on the Bayou.
Tide Rolling On 28
Luck Running Out 10
CB
EGM
Bama 13
LSU 10
ML
TCU at Utah (+6)
Game of the Week baby! Is this game at night? It should be. These two teams deserve prime time coverage. It’s a battle for Mountain West supremacy, and the Utes will be looking to avenge last years shellacking in Fort Worth. This matchup is what football is all about! Two highly disciplined teams with dynamic offenses and gutty defenses clash in Mormon-land. Look for the home underdogs to get off to a quick start. However, I think Gary Patterson and Andy Dalton will quickly recover and open up a comfortable lead in the second half.
Horned Frogs 34
Yoots 17
CB
Horny Toads 34
Utar 38
EGM
Frogs 21
Utes 17
7:00pm
CB
Louisiana-Lafayette at Ole Miss (-27)
In an effort to be a fair and balanced and informed journalist, I will personally be attending this game to see what Vaught-Hemingway has to offer at a night game! Very excited! Obviously I’m going to see my Bourbongirl, but this is going to be a nice treat! I love watching SEC games in which I don’t have to worry about Florida losing. Clearly the Rebs are gonna win this one. But I have no idea what Lou-La has to offer so I’m just gonna guess here. Looked like Ole Miss gave Arkansas a run for their money and dropped 30 plus on Auburn’s porous defense, so I doubt Houston’s boys will have trouble scoring, but…oh wait, the Ragin’ Cajuns have lost 4 straight and only have 2 Ws on the season. I think Ole Miss wins, but 27 is too much for my blood.
Cajuns 13
Rebears 39
EGM
LaLaf 6
Sellouts 51
ML
Lou-La 3
Gummi-Bears 44
EGM
Arkansas at South Carolina (-3)
Second best game of the week in the SEC…would be even better if these two teams knew how to hang on in the fourth quarter. Both the teams feature excitable QBs, one with a great beard, one with a great arm. The difference in the two teams is USC’s ability to play defense and run the ball. I fully expect Spurdog pound the rock with Lattimore as much as possible to limit Mallet’s chances. The cocks should come up with enough stops to get the win.
Arky 21
USC 25
ML
Hawgs 31
Cocks 27
CB
Arks 26
Cocks 27
8:00pm
EGM
Tennessee at Memphis (OFF)
The state of Tennessee may know how to vote properly but their football programs are way down. Memphis has never been a powerhouse but they used to be semi-competitive in CUSA. Tennessee was a perennial participant in the Outback/Citrus Bowl for a decade but has now resorted to touring WWII battlefields in early January. Not a good situation for either team. Earlier in the year, UAB should have beaten the Vols. Can the Tigers even the score for CUSA?
MSU 13
Vols 21
CB
UT 34
Memphis State 27
ML
Vols 23
Tigers 3
Should we really be excited? I mean, it is Georgia. Shouldn’t we consider it a loss since it took extra time to beat the Dawgies? Maybe we should, but I was psyched last week. It felt great to finally get a W and avoid going 0 for October, especially since I was convinced we couldn’t stop Orson Charles and AJ Green. There is one big game out west, as ‘Bama looks to sidestep the Mad Hatter and setup a huge Iron Bowl, but the rest of the SEC slate is underwhelming. That’s okay though, because I get to write about my adopted favorite team, Boise State!!!!
Cuzzin Bailey
Welcome back to reality everyone, and by that I mean they won’t lock you up on the loony bin to think the Gators have a decent shot at a trip to Hot-Lanta. In a thrilling OT victory over the hated Bulldyk..DOGS, the Gators have “resurrected” their season and with some destruction this weekend, we’ll be one game away from glory. (And by “glory” I mean our opportunity to go 0-fer the SEC West this year). Anyways, wrapping up the Horror movie theme, last night I watched a movie El Gran Mono wouldn’t be caught dead watching…the new version of Nightmare on Elm Street. EGM is a traditionalist when it comes to movies; he will NEVER watch a remake. You have to respect that line in the sand, HE WON’T DO IT! Anyways, the movie was REALLY scary. Not fun and campy like the Jason movies, and very graphic unlike Halloween. Kind of like the Gators…remember when it was fun to watch our team and not terrible nerve-racking? For most of this season I have watched us play with a hand over my eyes just in case Freddy’s gonna jump out of a freaking mirror and kill someone (and he does). Well hopefully those days are over, I’m liking this triple threat QB system we have going here, (one passes, one runs fast, one runs big)…So basically its taking 3 dudes to do what one kid did here for 4 years. And you know what? I don’t give a crap! I hope JB is being honest when he says it doesn’t bother him…actually, I don’t care. All I really care about is winning (oh and doing “the right way,” HAHA just kidding). GO GATORS! If you want to follow nonsensical sports and other topics on twitter, follow me and then delete me…it happens: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey
El Gran Mono
I am now on Zocor, that’s what the Gators have driven me to. However, I guess that’s better than the cocktail of anti-depressants and erection drugs that UGA fans have been on for the last 21 years. I’ll let Cuzz’ Bailey, #1 Gator enthusiast cover the rest of the game because I’m only going to bring people down. As for the rest of the SEC/NCAA, Roadblock Saturday proved to be a true obstacle to faux BCS chances (see Mizzou and Sparty). Oregon had no trouble with the father and son hack combo. Oregon State and Arizona are all that stands between the Ducks and 17 point loss to Alabama on a Monday night in January. That’s right, I’m not buying the Ducks against a real defense. I think they are good but remind me a lot of 2008 Joklahoma. And that Sooner team, had a much better QB, OLine and defense.
As for this week, I fully expect a war between the Tide and Tigers and more Cam Newton rumors…
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Mississippi State – OFF WEEK
12:21pm
CB
Florida at Vanderbilt (-14)
As I’m sure you all are aware of by now, the Gators are 2 SEC wins away from going back to the SEC Champ game, something that seemed ludicrous as recent as last week. Now I know this is a “trap game,” but this isn’t your slightly older friend’s Vandy. There’s no Jay Cutler and … hell there’s no coach. The Commodores are giving up 9 more points per game than they are getting. That is just pathetic. I know that historically we have struggled with Vandy, but I think this year, given the importance, we have no reason to be looking past Nashville. Since beating Eastern Michigan on October 9th, Vandy has lost its last three games by a combined total of 113 to 21. Disgusting. Oh yea, one of those losses was to UGA who the Gators beat last weekend in the Cocktail Party!!!! My God we had such a good time. Perfect day for tailgating, so much food and drink, and my secret boxer-pocket worked flawlessly!! 10 airplane bottles of Jim Beam joined me at my seat…it was amazing. Oh yea, Gators cover…no problem.
FLORIDA 32
Vandie 7
EGM
Gators 23
Dores 10
ML
Gators 31
Dores 10
12:30pm
ML
Idaho State at Georgia (NL)
Whooo hoo Boise State…wait, your saying its not Boise, but Idaho State? I thought there was only one school in my beloved Gem State. Oh well, UGA needs to find a way to beat the Bengals from Pocatello, who are currently 1-7 and winless in the Big Sky conference. Hopefully they’ll be able to gather together their shattered dreams and make it to .500 with a W over the Bengals. I’d really rather talk about Boise State, who face a tough test this week, against the Rainbow Warriors, who are the last team to beat Boise in the regular season. Yea that’s right, my beloved Broncos have won 32 regular season games in a row! Getting back to Georgia, can we all relax about their assistant giving Chas the choke sign? It’s not that big a deal. Everyone needs to lighten up. It has gotten out of control, as we have now reached the point where basketball players need to make sure their trash-talk is not “insensitive.”
Big Skyy 3
Big Choke 43
CB
Sacrificial Bengals 6
Reeling Dawgs 54
EGM
PotaTOEs 13
Dawgs 51
EGM
Charleston Southern at Kentucky (NL)
There always seem to be a few of these matchups late in the season between SEC teams and D-IAA teams. Thank goodness for the 12th game! Watch Randall Cobb, he’s worth it.
Ft. Sumter 10
Ft. Knox 42
ML
Buccaneers 6
Cats 55
CB
Challston Suthun 5
Kiats 43
1:00pm
CB
Chattanooga at Auburn (NL)
Since there is no line here, and its clear who the winner will be, let me just take a second to say: this Auburn team reminds me of the 2007 Gator squad (minus the losses); Great offense, outstanding, fun to watch, but terrible defense. Of course they have two more rivalry games to go, and losing to Bama could destroy a stellar season! Here’s to that! I hate Auburn
Nooga 10
Ah-Barn 100
EGM
Chattanooga 3
Plainsmen 52
ML
FCS Mocs 3
Awbarn 60
3:30pm
ML
Alabama at LSU (+6.5)
Can the Mad Hatter do it again? It’s a battle of one-loss powerhouses in Death Valley. ‘Bama controls their own destiny on the road to Atlanta, but LSU can’t get there without some help. It sounds like a broken record, but to beat ‘Bama you must make them one dimensional, and then put heat on McElroy. Rinse. Repeat. Then the Tigers need 2 or 3 big plays, whether via defense, special teams, or the lucky horseshoe stuck in Les Miles’ ass. Typically Satan’s teams avoid these plays, but some crazy stuff can happen down on the Bayou.
Tide Rolling On 28
Luck Running Out 10
CB
EGM
Bama 13
LSU 10
ML
TCU at Utah (+6)
Game of the Week baby! Is this game at night? It should be. These two teams deserve prime time coverage. It’s a battle for Mountain West supremacy, and the Utes will be looking to avenge last years shellacking in Fort Worth. This matchup is what football is all about! Two highly disciplined teams with dynamic offenses and gutty defenses clash in Mormon-land. Look for the home underdogs to get off to a quick start. However, I think Gary Patterson and Andy Dalton will quickly recover and open up a comfortable lead in the second half.
Horned Frogs 34
Yoots 17
CB
Horny Toads 34
Utar 38
EGM
Frogs 21
Utes 17
7:00pm
CB
Louisiana-Lafayette at Ole Miss (-27)
In an effort to be a fair and balanced and informed journalist, I will personally be attending this game to see what Vaught-Hemingway has to offer at a night game! Very excited! Obviously I’m going to see my Bourbongirl, but this is going to be a nice treat! I love watching SEC games in which I don’t have to worry about Florida losing. Clearly the Rebs are gonna win this one. But I have no idea what Lou-La has to offer so I’m just gonna guess here. Looked like Ole Miss gave Arkansas a run for their money and dropped 30 plus on Auburn’s porous defense, so I doubt Houston’s boys will have trouble scoring, but…oh wait, the Ragin’ Cajuns have lost 4 straight and only have 2 Ws on the season. I think Ole Miss wins, but 27 is too much for my blood.
Cajuns 13
Rebears 39
EGM
LaLaf 6
Sellouts 51
ML
Lou-La 3
Gummi-Bears 44
EGM
Arkansas at South Carolina (-3)
Second best game of the week in the SEC…would be even better if these two teams knew how to hang on in the fourth quarter. Both the teams feature excitable QBs, one with a great beard, one with a great arm. The difference in the two teams is USC’s ability to play defense and run the ball. I fully expect Spurdog pound the rock with Lattimore as much as possible to limit Mallet’s chances. The cocks should come up with enough stops to get the win.
Arky 21
USC 25
ML
Hawgs 31
Cocks 27
CB
Arks 26
Cocks 27
8:00pm
EGM
Tennessee at Memphis (OFF)
The state of Tennessee may know how to vote properly but their football programs are way down. Memphis has never been a powerhouse but they used to be semi-competitive in CUSA. Tennessee was a perennial participant in the Outback/Citrus Bowl for a decade but has now resorted to touring WWII battlefields in early January. Not a good situation for either team. Earlier in the year, UAB should have beaten the Vols. Can the Tigers even the score for CUSA?
MSU 13
Vols 21
CB
UT 34
Memphis State 27
ML
Vols 23
Tigers 3
Friday, October 29, 2010
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC 2010 - WEEK IX
El Gran Mono
I'm pretty excited about "Roadblock Saturday". In fact, anytime ESPN can brainstorm a catchy nickname for something I get even more excited. If they bring sponsor themed segments to CF Gameday, then I might actually die from ecstasy. For instance, the "Coor's Light Meltdown" (something Cuz knows about) would detail the downfall of a great program each week, highlighting the dumb mistakes in a Fall-of-Rome type of analysis: it was the lead pipes, it was the mismanagement of talent, it was the attempt to control such an expanse of land and cultures, it was the attempt to control the media with Stazi-like mechanisms, it was the inability to adapt to a changing world, it was the attempt to ram an offensive philosophy into place regardless of personnel. Another new segment would be called Smirnoff “On Ice”. This show would quickly go through each game and give expert predictions such that those with action could get final tips before putting their hard earned money at risk. I would almost insist this show be hosted by Todd McShay and Desmond Howard. These guys have such a knowledge base and predict games with such accuracy that their weekly picks might bring down the State of Nevada faster than Harry Reid.
Roadblock Saturday! Let do it!
Malt Licker
Has it really come to this? Are we really relegated to resting our hopes for a “successful” season on whether or not we can beat Georgia? It’s a testament to how far we’ve fallen in such a short time. The thought of it makes me depressed. Thankfully, I just saw Christian “big game” Ponder fumble the ball away to NC State and I am gearing up for Halloween with my first ever pumpkin purchase. It’s a pretty mundane slate of games this weekend, evidenced by the fact that the Cocktail Party is CBS’ “Game of the Week.”
Cuzzin Bailey
So, I guess you can call this “Do or Die Weekend” for the Gators. If we lose to UGA its gonna take an act of The Great Pumpkin™ to get us into the SEC Championship game. I know some of you are wondering why I still talk about this possibility, but let me tell you something; Urban has won 2 National Titles, he made Chris Leak into a Spread-Option QB and he can do the same for Brantley, plus with the running of the Trey Burton, having our backs…well, back, that will make a huge difference as well. Man, I’ll tell you, I just read an article and I feel like the players are getting “it” and right now my excitement for this weekend couldn’t be higher! I am seriously so pumped up for this game! Jawga fans and players are so confident right now, Gators is “struggin,” this is setting up to be a very different outcome than everyone is expecting. I was just watching Halloween, off the subject, and anyone else getting the parallels between Chris Rainey and Michael Myers? He makes one mistake and he’s sent away. Gone for a while he comes back and goes on a rampage. Hopefully Georgia will step into the role of The Strode family, and Michael, or “Chris”…wait wrong word in quotes there, anyways, Chris will go on a tear this weekend destroy UGA! Viva Michael Myers! One more thing before I send yall off into the world of the picks, I am so excited, this weekend I get to play the part of the “faux-humble-SEC-fan!” Let me get ready for this: “Gee, gosh, I hope y’all don’t be us too bad ;)” That’ll do. If this piques your interest, follow me on Twitter, DO IT: www.twittercom/cuzzinbailey
LSU and Alabama (OFF WEEK) – Each with a week off to get ready for their showdown next weekend!
12:21pm
EGM
Tennessee at South Carolina (-17)
I won’t stoop down to the level of the mainstream media by belittling Derek Dooley’s misinformed German army comparisons. I mean seriously, this is the guy cleaning up Lane Kiffin’s mess, much like Churchill cleaned up for Chamberlain. You can’t blame him for giving up on the Alabama game like Czechoslovakia. Give the guy a break, defending against the blitzkrieg of Julio Jones, Mark Ingram and Trent Richardson with Nick Reveiz and Co. is like defending Warsaw with a horse brigade against a Panzer regiment. Oops…
As for the game, I expect a Stalinesque style of defense by USC to stifle the summer coated Vols. Meanwhile, Steve Garcia will descend upon Rocky Top like Russian winter. Someone needs to sneak Smokey out like Niels Bohr before its too late.
Vols 13
Cocks 24
ML
UT 12
SC 21
CB
Vuls 14
Cocks 30
3:30pm
EGM
Florida v. Georgia (Jacksonville) (UGA by 3.5)
The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party! Hold on a sec, my phone is ringing…“Oh, hi Bernie”…“What’s that? Your revoking my diploma?”. Well, I guess I had that coming ever since I had the audacity to drink more than one beer while watching a Gator game.
As for the game, the rumor around Gator country is there have been wholesale changes on offense. Does this mean adaptation to talent? Or does it mean more walk-ons in five wide sets? I’m betting on the former. Meyer won a game very similar to this one in his first year. He took down a highly rated UGA team behind a revamped offensive scheme. Granted, the Dawgs were featuring Joe Tereshinski III instead of DJ Shockley, but I distinctly remember a certain ESPN show singing the praises of handsome Joe before the game and how he would bring down the lowly Gators. If only Howard/McShay were on set in those days, then they could have told us how Meyer would adapt and take down the Dawgs.
The Dawgs are playing tough these days but they have gotten fat off some bad teams. I can’t believe I’m gonna make this pick after all of my negativity but I feel Urb has his chi back.
Gators 21
Dawgs 20
ML
Dawgs 20
Gators 14
CB
FLORIDA 23
Jawga 21
ML
Missouri at Nebraska (-7)
Mizzou baby! Undefeated with one major hurdle in Lincoln before a possible conference championship game! What is the state of Missouri known for? Mark Twain? Harry Truman? Compromise? As to football, they remind me of the Gamecocks…simultaneously capable of great upsets and questionable losses. A loss to the Huskers would not fall under either category, as Nebraska has regained their mojo behind their dynamic running QB Martinez. If the Tigers can find a way to protect Blaine Gabbert, they can pull off another upset and make Don Draper very happy.
Sad Don 19
Happy Husker 31
CB
Mizzou 23
Huskers 28
EGM
Mizzou 28
Nebraska 17
6:00pm
CB
Auburn at Ole Miss (+7)
Anyone else hear that Cam Newton is good? Seriously, he’s playing so well, and flying real low under the radar so far. No one talks about him, I feel like I’m discovering him here on BourbonBoys! So, from now on, any talk you hear about Newton, you can trace the source back to Cuzzin Bailey. Anyways, I have heard a LOT of people predicting an upset for this game. I’m not sure I’m sold. Sure it took two unbelievable runs for these Tigers to beat the Bayou Tigers, but…oh wait, Ole Miss, in a losing effort gave Arkansas a run for its money last week. Hmmm. I guess what I’m thinking is the game is close, but real late Newton steals the Heisman, like it’s a laptop, and runs for a score to win the ballgame. I hope this doesn’t dampen the spirits in Oxford as I will be visiting my future in-laws next weekend there for some fun! This weekend I’ll be tweeting from the Cocktail Party and next weekend from Vaught-Hemingway!
Barn it! 27
Bear Down 21
EGM
Aubie 31
Ole Miss 28
ML
Tiggers 29
Yogi Bears 20
7:00pm
CB
Vanderbilt at Arkansas (-21)
I was thinking this was gonna be stock Vanderbilt, kind of a tough nut to crack. Not sure which team would show up, would they get pumped up for a big game, etc etc. Well, as it turns out this game should be pretty cut and dry. The Commodores beat up on the hapless Easter Michigan (Mascot’s) three games ago, but have since been decimated by SEC East foes. Meanwhile, there are talking heads out there saying that if the Razorbacks were in the East, they would run away with the division. Not sure why that had to be said, but going along with that logic, Vandy is in for some real trouble. Arky has two losses to, arguably, the best two teams in the conference, and both games were close-ish. Not sure why I’m spending so much time on this, its gonna be a blowout.
Nerds, books, blah blah 10
What’s a Book? We’re hicks 33
EGM
'Dores 3
Arky 31
ML
VanderDweeb 3
Boss Hawg 40
ML
Kentucky at Mississippi State (-7)
I remember the last time the Gators lost to Mississippi State. I complained about how we lost to a team that lost to Maine, now I can say that we lost to a team that needed a 2nd half rally to beat UAB, at home. Is Ron Zook really our coach again? Is he going to pull off an Urban Meyer mask during the 4th quarter? Anyway, MSU looks to right the ship at home and register their sixth straight victory of the year after nearly screwing the pooch against the Dragons from Birmingham. They face the Cats, whose 98th ranked defense is the perfect tonic for any team struggling on offense. If MSU has turned the corner, they should have no problem dispatching of the Cats.
Black Cats 20
Good luck for Dawgs 40
CB
Still Kensucky 28
Still Trash 34
EGM
KY 21
Miss State 20
I'm pretty excited about "Roadblock Saturday". In fact, anytime ESPN can brainstorm a catchy nickname for something I get even more excited. If they bring sponsor themed segments to CF Gameday, then I might actually die from ecstasy. For instance, the "Coor's Light Meltdown" (something Cuz knows about) would detail the downfall of a great program each week, highlighting the dumb mistakes in a Fall-of-Rome type of analysis: it was the lead pipes, it was the mismanagement of talent, it was the attempt to control such an expanse of land and cultures, it was the attempt to control the media with Stazi-like mechanisms, it was the inability to adapt to a changing world, it was the attempt to ram an offensive philosophy into place regardless of personnel. Another new segment would be called Smirnoff “On Ice”. This show would quickly go through each game and give expert predictions such that those with action could get final tips before putting their hard earned money at risk. I would almost insist this show be hosted by Todd McShay and Desmond Howard. These guys have such a knowledge base and predict games with such accuracy that their weekly picks might bring down the State of Nevada faster than Harry Reid.
Roadblock Saturday! Let do it!
Malt Licker
Has it really come to this? Are we really relegated to resting our hopes for a “successful” season on whether or not we can beat Georgia? It’s a testament to how far we’ve fallen in such a short time. The thought of it makes me depressed. Thankfully, I just saw Christian “big game” Ponder fumble the ball away to NC State and I am gearing up for Halloween with my first ever pumpkin purchase. It’s a pretty mundane slate of games this weekend, evidenced by the fact that the Cocktail Party is CBS’ “Game of the Week.”
Cuzzin Bailey
So, I guess you can call this “Do or Die Weekend” for the Gators. If we lose to UGA its gonna take an act of The Great Pumpkin™ to get us into the SEC Championship game. I know some of you are wondering why I still talk about this possibility, but let me tell you something; Urban has won 2 National Titles, he made Chris Leak into a Spread-Option QB and he can do the same for Brantley, plus with the running of the Trey Burton, having our backs…well, back, that will make a huge difference as well. Man, I’ll tell you, I just read an article and I feel like the players are getting “it” and right now my excitement for this weekend couldn’t be higher! I am seriously so pumped up for this game! Jawga fans and players are so confident right now, Gators is “struggin,” this is setting up to be a very different outcome than everyone is expecting. I was just watching Halloween, off the subject, and anyone else getting the parallels between Chris Rainey and Michael Myers? He makes one mistake and he’s sent away. Gone for a while he comes back and goes on a rampage. Hopefully Georgia will step into the role of The Strode family, and Michael, or “Chris”…wait wrong word in quotes there, anyways, Chris will go on a tear this weekend destroy UGA! Viva Michael Myers! One more thing before I send yall off into the world of the picks, I am so excited, this weekend I get to play the part of the “faux-humble-SEC-fan!” Let me get ready for this: “Gee, gosh, I hope y’all don’t be us too bad ;)” That’ll do. If this piques your interest, follow me on Twitter, DO IT: www.twittercom/cuzzinbailey
LSU and Alabama (OFF WEEK) – Each with a week off to get ready for their showdown next weekend!
12:21pm
EGM
Tennessee at South Carolina (-17)
I won’t stoop down to the level of the mainstream media by belittling Derek Dooley’s misinformed German army comparisons. I mean seriously, this is the guy cleaning up Lane Kiffin’s mess, much like Churchill cleaned up for Chamberlain. You can’t blame him for giving up on the Alabama game like Czechoslovakia. Give the guy a break, defending against the blitzkrieg of Julio Jones, Mark Ingram and Trent Richardson with Nick Reveiz and Co. is like defending Warsaw with a horse brigade against a Panzer regiment. Oops…
As for the game, I expect a Stalinesque style of defense by USC to stifle the summer coated Vols. Meanwhile, Steve Garcia will descend upon Rocky Top like Russian winter. Someone needs to sneak Smokey out like Niels Bohr before its too late.
Vols 13
Cocks 24
ML
UT 12
SC 21
CB
Vuls 14
Cocks 30
3:30pm
EGM
Florida v. Georgia (Jacksonville) (UGA by 3.5)
The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party! Hold on a sec, my phone is ringing…“Oh, hi Bernie”…“What’s that? Your revoking my diploma?”. Well, I guess I had that coming ever since I had the audacity to drink more than one beer while watching a Gator game.
As for the game, the rumor around Gator country is there have been wholesale changes on offense. Does this mean adaptation to talent? Or does it mean more walk-ons in five wide sets? I’m betting on the former. Meyer won a game very similar to this one in his first year. He took down a highly rated UGA team behind a revamped offensive scheme. Granted, the Dawgs were featuring Joe Tereshinski III instead of DJ Shockley, but I distinctly remember a certain ESPN show singing the praises of handsome Joe before the game and how he would bring down the lowly Gators. If only Howard/McShay were on set in those days, then they could have told us how Meyer would adapt and take down the Dawgs.
The Dawgs are playing tough these days but they have gotten fat off some bad teams. I can’t believe I’m gonna make this pick after all of my negativity but I feel Urb has his chi back.
Gators 21
Dawgs 20
ML
Dawgs 20
Gators 14
CB
FLORIDA 23
Jawga 21
ML
Missouri at Nebraska (-7)
Mizzou baby! Undefeated with one major hurdle in Lincoln before a possible conference championship game! What is the state of Missouri known for? Mark Twain? Harry Truman? Compromise? As to football, they remind me of the Gamecocks…simultaneously capable of great upsets and questionable losses. A loss to the Huskers would not fall under either category, as Nebraska has regained their mojo behind their dynamic running QB Martinez. If the Tigers can find a way to protect Blaine Gabbert, they can pull off another upset and make Don Draper very happy.
Sad Don 19
Happy Husker 31
CB
Mizzou 23
Huskers 28
EGM
Mizzou 28
Nebraska 17
6:00pm
CB
Auburn at Ole Miss (+7)
Anyone else hear that Cam Newton is good? Seriously, he’s playing so well, and flying real low under the radar so far. No one talks about him, I feel like I’m discovering him here on BourbonBoys! So, from now on, any talk you hear about Newton, you can trace the source back to Cuzzin Bailey. Anyways, I have heard a LOT of people predicting an upset for this game. I’m not sure I’m sold. Sure it took two unbelievable runs for these Tigers to beat the Bayou Tigers, but…oh wait, Ole Miss, in a losing effort gave Arkansas a run for its money last week. Hmmm. I guess what I’m thinking is the game is close, but real late Newton steals the Heisman, like it’s a laptop, and runs for a score to win the ballgame. I hope this doesn’t dampen the spirits in Oxford as I will be visiting my future in-laws next weekend there for some fun! This weekend I’ll be tweeting from the Cocktail Party and next weekend from Vaught-Hemingway!
Barn it! 27
Bear Down 21
EGM
Aubie 31
Ole Miss 28
ML
Tiggers 29
Yogi Bears 20
7:00pm
CB
Vanderbilt at Arkansas (-21)
I was thinking this was gonna be stock Vanderbilt, kind of a tough nut to crack. Not sure which team would show up, would they get pumped up for a big game, etc etc. Well, as it turns out this game should be pretty cut and dry. The Commodores beat up on the hapless Easter Michigan (Mascot’s) three games ago, but have since been decimated by SEC East foes. Meanwhile, there are talking heads out there saying that if the Razorbacks were in the East, they would run away with the division. Not sure why that had to be said, but going along with that logic, Vandy is in for some real trouble. Arky has two losses to, arguably, the best two teams in the conference, and both games were close-ish. Not sure why I’m spending so much time on this, its gonna be a blowout.
Nerds, books, blah blah 10
What’s a Book? We’re hicks 33
EGM
'Dores 3
Arky 31
ML
VanderDweeb 3
Boss Hawg 40
ML
Kentucky at Mississippi State (-7)
I remember the last time the Gators lost to Mississippi State. I complained about how we lost to a team that lost to Maine, now I can say that we lost to a team that needed a 2nd half rally to beat UAB, at home. Is Ron Zook really our coach again? Is he going to pull off an Urban Meyer mask during the 4th quarter? Anyway, MSU looks to right the ship at home and register their sixth straight victory of the year after nearly screwing the pooch against the Dragons from Birmingham. They face the Cats, whose 98th ranked defense is the perfect tonic for any team struggling on offense. If MSU has turned the corner, they should have no problem dispatching of the Cats.
Black Cats 20
Good luck for Dawgs 40
CB
Still Kensucky 28
Still Trash 34
EGM
KY 21
Miss State 20
Friday, October 22, 2010
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC 2010 - WEEK VIII
Cuzzin Bailey
Well, should I blame myself? Been to two Gator games, and we’ve lost both. Malt Licker was even at the LSU game. Curse of the Bourbon Boys? Speaking of Curses, AMC is showing a Friday the 13th marathon this week, and as its winding down, I kind of felt that Jason was personifying our struggles. I mean just when you think he’s dead (we’re driving down the field), BAM! A machete comes out of nowhere or you’re wrapped up in a sleeping bag getting slammed against a tree, and Jason or “fumbles” come back and the Bulldogs are running the ball 99% of the second half, wasting precious clock and any legit chance at a Gator comeback. Two camp counselors are about to make a baby (Trey Burton running stellar option), and Steve Addazio, er...uh Jason, comes at you with a spear gun (makes Johnny Brantley run the option). Loss of 4, lose momentum, another teenager dead. Okay, this is getting a little abstract…Hopefully the Gator bye week will allow Meyer to come out swinging against UGA. I don’t care if he runs bubble screens up and down the field (ala Zook in ‘02), win the game. Oh yea, in regards to last week, if you want to see how frustrating it is for a team to not throw the ball but still get first downs, watch that scene in BlackSheep where Farley and Spade are playing checkers and Spade, “NEVER MOVES HIS BACK ROW!!” That should sum it up. Good games this week, but whatever. Hey I’m on Twitter, and I’m hilarious www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
I absolutely love college football. Last week really cemented that fact for me. A few upsets and the unveiling of the BCS standings. Outside of a 48 hour step show festival, it doesn’t really get much better than last week’s games. The Gators are off this week but LSU-Auburn should fill the pleasure gap admirably. Unfortunately, neither of them run true “spread” offenses or else I would be in heaven. Maybe I’ll sneak in a morning viewing of UF-Miss State just to appease my admiration of that glorious offense and diverse, effective playcalling.
Malt Licker
When evaluating the Gators this year, all I can think about is that mediocre movie starring a bearded Clooney and Wahlberg, The Perfect Storm. Tebow leaves, Spikes, Haden & Co leave, Charlie Strong finally gets tabbed to run a program of his own, Tebow’s clone leaves the school, and Urban’s health issues cause him to take time off to recuperate and ask Addazio to take control of the entire program, coordinate the conclusion of recruiting, run the offense and coach the offensive line. To top things off, Tebow’s ’07 backup is now a Heisman front-runner for the Plainsmen. Is it any wonder our team is flailing around like Marky Mark in the Outer Banks? We don’t even get to think about Diane Lane naked. I can’t think of a program that needs a week off more. Now we can “perfect” the spread and that deadly swing pass to Emmanuel Moody.
FLORIDA (OFF) – ML has a special note for the UF bye week: “I think the Bye Week wins by 10 points, and I predict an arrest this weekend.”
12:21pm
ML
Ole Miss at Arkansas (-10)
Why is it that Petrino can put up 50 points with his backup quarterback and the Gators can only score 7 at home against Mississippi Freaking State? Watching Arkansas and Auburn run up and down the field last week made me sick to my stomach. I’d take Arky’s backup Tyler Wilson right now. He’d at least be able to lead Moody on these swing passes so that he can get back to the line of scrimmage instead of losing 4 yards. Did the Rebels get a chance to unveil “Rebel Bear” last week? Who feels worse? Urban watching Cam Newton highlights or Masoli watching the Ducks put 60 points on the board with total ease?
Paddington Bear 23
Hoggies 42
CB
Bears can be Rebels! 20
Pigs 31
EGM
Black Bears 17
Hawgs 24
3:30pm
CB
LSU at Auburn (-6.5)
Not going to say it, not going to say it…alright fine. For old time’s sake, “I guarantee the Tigers will win this game”…ugh. Look, this is going to be the game of the year, so far. I can hardly begin to describe how important this game is. The winner will control their destiny to get to Atlanta and MAYBE the National Championship game. These are the only two undefeateds in the SEC and Saturday circa 6pm, there will be only one. Everyone knows how lucky L”Les”U is, but you can’t JUST be lucky in this league. I actually feel like the Bayou Bengals will be able to move the ball against Auburn, cause War Eagle defense just ain’t their strong suit. No, The Plainsmen have this cat (yuck yuck) named Cam Newton. Former Gator player, constructively kicked off the team (his playing time was demoted) due to a moment of serious stupidity. That act of ignorance was followed by another one. When it was determined he was not the future of Gator football, UF’s coaches let him get away. Now he’s a heistman contender and leading a very potent offense. This is going to be a barn burner, and I just feel like there is too much at stake for this line to be this high. I like a close one here, Tigers by a late field goal…
Bayou 23
Barn 24
EGM
Tigers of LSU 28
Plainsmen of AU 24
ML
Tigers 10
Plainsmen 24
7:00pm
EGM
UAB at Mississippi State (-19.5)
If there is an offense I like more than the Gators, its Miss State’s. Chris Relf is a masterful thrower of the football and a slick runner. Dan Mullen has this team hitting on all cylinders after a wonderful offensive display in Gainesville. The real question for his team: will they break the NCAA record for passing yards and points in a game?
I don’t know much about UAB but they put up a strong fight against a disciplined and talented Tennessee team so I’m really surprised to see the line this high. The Dragons are also proud members of Conference USA which is home to some of the most dynamic football programs in the country. This game just has awesome written all over it. I know where I’ll be at 7pm.
Dragons 3
Miss State 31
ML
Maybe better than UF 3
Definitely better than UF 24
CB
Blue Blazers 7
Boring Dogs 28
CB
Alabama at Tennessee (+16.5)
The always dramatic “Third Saturday in October!” Okay the moniker hasn’t applied in a few years, but the intensity remains. Do yall remember that it took a last second field goal BLOCK for the Tide to remain in the fruitful National Title hunt last year??? I do. UT looked to be in control, but Bama came back late and the Vols last ditch effort was thwarted by the Crimson Tide. This year, Tennessee appears to be way down, new coach and all, but this is one of the most historic rivalries in the Conference and that can always play a part in how teams face each other. Will the Vol Navy come out in full force to cheer their Orange-clad warriors on, or will Bama flex their muscles as they attempt to return to form before they battle the two Tigers in November? UT wasn’t supposed to be in that game last year, and they were, but this year, Nick’s Boys have tasted their own blood. If they aren’t fired up for this game, knowing what’s at stake, then I don’t know anything. I like Bama big-ish as the game progresses, but look for some excitement early on!
BAMA 35
Vols 17
EGM
Crimson Tide 28
Vols 13
ML
Tide 34
Vols 10
ML
South Carolina at Vanderbilt (+12.5)
I’m thinking we may need to start calling the SEC East the AFC West. The Gamecocks managed to choke away a chance to take an almost insurmountable division lead by blowing a big lead in Lexington. Shit, as the Ol’ Ball Coach said this week, Vanderbilt is still in the hunt. To bury the ‘Dores, the Cocks will need to break an 8 game SEC road losing streak without their stud RB Lattimore, who will be out with an ankle injury. I don’t think I’ve watched one hour of Vanderbilt this year. They can’t be any less entertaining than the Gators.
Cocks 24
Vandy 14
CB
Choke Cocks 34
Vandie 14
EGM
Cocks 24
Vandy 12
7:30pm
EGM
Georgia at Kentucky (+3.5)
Shootout in Lexington! Randall Cobb v. Washaun Ealy. This is likely a game for the ages in the SEC. Two scrappy defenses trying to stop world class offenses. Two classy coaches. The bluegrass is in early fall bloom. I think I just shed a tear. I’ll be watching this one live for sure, but its also getting save until delete status on my Tivo.
Dawgs 31
Kats 28
ML
Dogs 31
Cats 24
CB
Dawgs 32
Cats 28
Well, should I blame myself? Been to two Gator games, and we’ve lost both. Malt Licker was even at the LSU game. Curse of the Bourbon Boys? Speaking of Curses, AMC is showing a Friday the 13th marathon this week, and as its winding down, I kind of felt that Jason was personifying our struggles. I mean just when you think he’s dead (we’re driving down the field), BAM! A machete comes out of nowhere or you’re wrapped up in a sleeping bag getting slammed against a tree, and Jason or “fumbles” come back and the Bulldogs are running the ball 99% of the second half, wasting precious clock and any legit chance at a Gator comeback. Two camp counselors are about to make a baby (Trey Burton running stellar option), and Steve Addazio, er...uh Jason, comes at you with a spear gun (makes Johnny Brantley run the option). Loss of 4, lose momentum, another teenager dead. Okay, this is getting a little abstract…Hopefully the Gator bye week will allow Meyer to come out swinging against UGA. I don’t care if he runs bubble screens up and down the field (ala Zook in ‘02), win the game. Oh yea, in regards to last week, if you want to see how frustrating it is for a team to not throw the ball but still get first downs, watch that scene in BlackSheep where Farley and Spade are playing checkers and Spade, “NEVER MOVES HIS BACK ROW!!” That should sum it up. Good games this week, but whatever. Hey I’m on Twitter, and I’m hilarious www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
I absolutely love college football. Last week really cemented that fact for me. A few upsets and the unveiling of the BCS standings. Outside of a 48 hour step show festival, it doesn’t really get much better than last week’s games. The Gators are off this week but LSU-Auburn should fill the pleasure gap admirably. Unfortunately, neither of them run true “spread” offenses or else I would be in heaven. Maybe I’ll sneak in a morning viewing of UF-Miss State just to appease my admiration of that glorious offense and diverse, effective playcalling.
Malt Licker
When evaluating the Gators this year, all I can think about is that mediocre movie starring a bearded Clooney and Wahlberg, The Perfect Storm. Tebow leaves, Spikes, Haden & Co leave, Charlie Strong finally gets tabbed to run a program of his own, Tebow’s clone leaves the school, and Urban’s health issues cause him to take time off to recuperate and ask Addazio to take control of the entire program, coordinate the conclusion of recruiting, run the offense and coach the offensive line. To top things off, Tebow’s ’07 backup is now a Heisman front-runner for the Plainsmen. Is it any wonder our team is flailing around like Marky Mark in the Outer Banks? We don’t even get to think about Diane Lane naked. I can’t think of a program that needs a week off more. Now we can “perfect” the spread and that deadly swing pass to Emmanuel Moody.
FLORIDA (OFF) – ML has a special note for the UF bye week: “I think the Bye Week wins by 10 points, and I predict an arrest this weekend.”
12:21pm
ML
Ole Miss at Arkansas (-10)
Why is it that Petrino can put up 50 points with his backup quarterback and the Gators can only score 7 at home against Mississippi Freaking State? Watching Arkansas and Auburn run up and down the field last week made me sick to my stomach. I’d take Arky’s backup Tyler Wilson right now. He’d at least be able to lead Moody on these swing passes so that he can get back to the line of scrimmage instead of losing 4 yards. Did the Rebels get a chance to unveil “Rebel Bear” last week? Who feels worse? Urban watching Cam Newton highlights or Masoli watching the Ducks put 60 points on the board with total ease?
Paddington Bear 23
Hoggies 42
CB
Bears can be Rebels! 20
Pigs 31
EGM
Black Bears 17
Hawgs 24
3:30pm
CB
LSU at Auburn (-6.5)
Not going to say it, not going to say it…alright fine. For old time’s sake, “I guarantee the Tigers will win this game”…ugh. Look, this is going to be the game of the year, so far. I can hardly begin to describe how important this game is. The winner will control their destiny to get to Atlanta and MAYBE the National Championship game. These are the only two undefeateds in the SEC and Saturday circa 6pm, there will be only one. Everyone knows how lucky L”Les”U is, but you can’t JUST be lucky in this league. I actually feel like the Bayou Bengals will be able to move the ball against Auburn, cause War Eagle defense just ain’t their strong suit. No, The Plainsmen have this cat (yuck yuck) named Cam Newton. Former Gator player, constructively kicked off the team (his playing time was demoted) due to a moment of serious stupidity. That act of ignorance was followed by another one. When it was determined he was not the future of Gator football, UF’s coaches let him get away. Now he’s a heistman contender and leading a very potent offense. This is going to be a barn burner, and I just feel like there is too much at stake for this line to be this high. I like a close one here, Tigers by a late field goal…
Bayou 23
Barn 24
EGM
Tigers of LSU 28
Plainsmen of AU 24
ML
Tigers 10
Plainsmen 24
7:00pm
EGM
UAB at Mississippi State (-19.5)
If there is an offense I like more than the Gators, its Miss State’s. Chris Relf is a masterful thrower of the football and a slick runner. Dan Mullen has this team hitting on all cylinders after a wonderful offensive display in Gainesville. The real question for his team: will they break the NCAA record for passing yards and points in a game?
I don’t know much about UAB but they put up a strong fight against a disciplined and talented Tennessee team so I’m really surprised to see the line this high. The Dragons are also proud members of Conference USA which is home to some of the most dynamic football programs in the country. This game just has awesome written all over it. I know where I’ll be at 7pm.
Dragons 3
Miss State 31
ML
Maybe better than UF 3
Definitely better than UF 24
CB
Blue Blazers 7
Boring Dogs 28
CB
Alabama at Tennessee (+16.5)
The always dramatic “Third Saturday in October!” Okay the moniker hasn’t applied in a few years, but the intensity remains. Do yall remember that it took a last second field goal BLOCK for the Tide to remain in the fruitful National Title hunt last year??? I do. UT looked to be in control, but Bama came back late and the Vols last ditch effort was thwarted by the Crimson Tide. This year, Tennessee appears to be way down, new coach and all, but this is one of the most historic rivalries in the Conference and that can always play a part in how teams face each other. Will the Vol Navy come out in full force to cheer their Orange-clad warriors on, or will Bama flex their muscles as they attempt to return to form before they battle the two Tigers in November? UT wasn’t supposed to be in that game last year, and they were, but this year, Nick’s Boys have tasted their own blood. If they aren’t fired up for this game, knowing what’s at stake, then I don’t know anything. I like Bama big-ish as the game progresses, but look for some excitement early on!
BAMA 35
Vols 17
EGM
Crimson Tide 28
Vols 13
ML
Tide 34
Vols 10
ML
South Carolina at Vanderbilt (+12.5)
I’m thinking we may need to start calling the SEC East the AFC West. The Gamecocks managed to choke away a chance to take an almost insurmountable division lead by blowing a big lead in Lexington. Shit, as the Ol’ Ball Coach said this week, Vanderbilt is still in the hunt. To bury the ‘Dores, the Cocks will need to break an 8 game SEC road losing streak without their stud RB Lattimore, who will be out with an ankle injury. I don’t think I’ve watched one hour of Vanderbilt this year. They can’t be any less entertaining than the Gators.
Cocks 24
Vandy 14
CB
Choke Cocks 34
Vandie 14
EGM
Cocks 24
Vandy 12
7:30pm
EGM
Georgia at Kentucky (+3.5)
Shootout in Lexington! Randall Cobb v. Washaun Ealy. This is likely a game for the ages in the SEC. Two scrappy defenses trying to stop world class offenses. Two classy coaches. The bluegrass is in early fall bloom. I think I just shed a tear. I’ll be watching this one live for sure, but its also getting save until delete status on my Tivo.
Dawgs 31
Kats 28
ML
Dogs 31
Cats 24
CB
Dawgs 32
Cats 28
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