Friday, October 22, 2010

Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC 2010 - WEEK VIII

Cuzzin Bailey
Well, should I blame myself? Been to two Gator games, and we’ve lost both. Malt Licker was even at the LSU game. Curse of the Bourbon Boys? Speaking of Curses, AMC is showing a Friday the 13th marathon this week, and as its winding down, I kind of felt that Jason was personifying our struggles. I mean just when you think he’s dead (we’re driving down the field), BAM! A machete comes out of nowhere or you’re wrapped up in a sleeping bag getting slammed against a tree, and Jason or “fumbles” come back and the Bulldogs are running the ball 99% of the second half, wasting precious clock and any legit chance at a Gator comeback. Two camp counselors are about to make a baby (Trey Burton running stellar option), and Steve Addazio, er...uh Jason, comes at you with a spear gun (makes Johnny Brantley run the option). Loss of 4, lose momentum, another teenager dead. Okay, this is getting a little abstract…Hopefully the Gator bye week will allow Meyer to come out swinging against UGA. I don’t care if he runs bubble screens up and down the field (ala Zook in ‘02), win the game. Oh yea, in regards to last week, if you want to see how frustrating it is for a team to not throw the ball but still get first downs, watch that scene in BlackSheep where Farley and Spade are playing checkers and Spade, “NEVER MOVES HIS BACK ROW!!” That should sum it up. Good games this week, but whatever. Hey I’m on Twitter, and I’m hilarious

El Gran Mono
I absolutely love college football. Last week really cemented that fact for me. A few upsets and the unveiling of the BCS standings. Outside of a 48 hour step show festival, it doesn’t really get much better than last week’s games. The Gators are off this week but LSU-Auburn should fill the pleasure gap admirably. Unfortunately, neither of them run true “spread” offenses or else I would be in heaven. Maybe I’ll sneak in a morning viewing of UF-Miss State just to appease my admiration of that glorious offense and diverse, effective playcalling.

Malt Licker
When evaluating the Gators this year, all I can think about is that mediocre movie starring a bearded Clooney and Wahlberg, The Perfect Storm. Tebow leaves, Spikes, Haden & Co leave, Charlie Strong finally gets tabbed to run a program of his own, Tebow’s clone leaves the school, and Urban’s health issues cause him to take time off to recuperate and ask Addazio to take control of the entire program, coordinate the conclusion of recruiting, run the offense and coach the offensive line. To top things off, Tebow’s ’07 backup is now a Heisman front-runner for the Plainsmen. Is it any wonder our team is flailing around like Marky Mark in the Outer Banks? We don’t even get to think about Diane Lane naked. I can’t think of a program that needs a week off more. Now we can “perfect” the spread and that deadly swing pass to Emmanuel Moody.

FLORIDA (OFF) – ML has a special note for the UF bye week: “I think the Bye Week wins by 10 points, and I predict an arrest this weekend.”


Ole Miss at Arkansas (-10)

Why is it that Petrino can put up 50 points with his backup quarterback and the Gators can only score 7 at home against Mississippi Freaking State? Watching Arkansas and Auburn run up and down the field last week made me sick to my stomach. I’d take Arky’s backup Tyler Wilson right now. He’d at least be able to lead Moody on these swing passes so that he can get back to the line of scrimmage instead of losing 4 yards. Did the Rebels get a chance to unveil “Rebel Bear” last week? Who feels worse? Urban watching Cam Newton highlights or Masoli watching the Ducks put 60 points on the board with total ease?

Paddington Bear 23
Hoggies 42

Bears can be Rebels! 20
Pigs 31

Black Bears 17
Hawgs 24


LSU at Auburn (-6.5)

Not going to say it, not going to say it…alright fine. For old time’s sake, “I guarantee the Tigers will win this game”…ugh. Look, this is going to be the game of the year, so far. I can hardly begin to describe how important this game is. The winner will control their destiny to get to Atlanta and MAYBE the National Championship game. These are the only two undefeateds in the SEC and Saturday circa 6pm, there will be only one. Everyone knows how lucky L”Les”U is, but you can’t JUST be lucky in this league. I actually feel like the Bayou Bengals will be able to move the ball against Auburn, cause War Eagle defense just ain’t their strong suit. No, The Plainsmen have this cat (yuck yuck) named Cam Newton. Former Gator player, constructively kicked off the team (his playing time was demoted) due to a moment of serious stupidity. That act of ignorance was followed by another one. When it was determined he was not the future of Gator football, UF’s coaches let him get away. Now he’s a heistman contender and leading a very potent offense. This is going to be a barn burner, and I just feel like there is too much at stake for this line to be this high. I like a close one here, Tigers by a late field goal…

Bayou 23
Barn 24

Tigers of LSU 28
Plainsmen of AU 24

Tigers 10
Plainsmen 24


UAB at Mississippi State (-19.5)

If there is an offense I like more than the Gators, its Miss State’s. Chris Relf is a masterful thrower of the football and a slick runner. Dan Mullen has this team hitting on all cylinders after a wonderful offensive display in Gainesville. The real question for his team: will they break the NCAA record for passing yards and points in a game?

I don’t know much about UAB but they put up a strong fight against a disciplined and talented Tennessee team so I’m really surprised to see the line this high. The Dragons are also proud members of Conference USA which is home to some of the most dynamic football programs in the country. This game just has awesome written all over it. I know where I’ll be at 7pm.

Dragons 3
Miss State 31

Maybe better than UF 3
Definitely better than UF 24

Blue Blazers 7
Boring Dogs 28

Alabama at Tennessee (+16.5)

The always dramatic “Third Saturday in October!” Okay the moniker hasn’t applied in a few years, but the intensity remains. Do yall remember that it took a last second field goal BLOCK for the Tide to remain in the fruitful National Title hunt last year??? I do. UT looked to be in control, but Bama came back late and the Vols last ditch effort was thwarted by the Crimson Tide. This year, Tennessee appears to be way down, new coach and all, but this is one of the most historic rivalries in the Conference and that can always play a part in how teams face each other. Will the Vol Navy come out in full force to cheer their Orange-clad warriors on, or will Bama flex their muscles as they attempt to return to form before they battle the two Tigers in November? UT wasn’t supposed to be in that game last year, and they were, but this year, Nick’s Boys have tasted their own blood. If they aren’t fired up for this game, knowing what’s at stake, then I don’t know anything. I like Bama big-ish as the game progresses, but look for some excitement early on!

Vols 17

Crimson Tide 28
Vols 13

Tide 34
Vols 10

South Carolina at Vanderbilt (+12.5)

I’m thinking we may need to start calling the SEC East the AFC West. The Gamecocks managed to choke away a chance to take an almost insurmountable division lead by blowing a big lead in Lexington. Shit, as the Ol’ Ball Coach said this week, Vanderbilt is still in the hunt. To bury the ‘Dores, the Cocks will need to break an 8 game SEC road losing streak without their stud RB Lattimore, who will be out with an ankle injury. I don’t think I’ve watched one hour of Vanderbilt this year. They can’t be any less entertaining than the Gators.

Cocks 24
Vandy 14

Choke Cocks 34
Vandie 14

Cocks 24
Vandy 12


Georgia at Kentucky (+3.5)

Shootout in Lexington! Randall Cobb v. Washaun Ealy. This is likely a game for the ages in the SEC. Two scrappy defenses trying to stop world class offenses. Two classy coaches. The bluegrass is in early fall bloom. I think I just shed a tear. I’ll be watching this one live for sure, but its also getting save until delete status on my Tivo.

Dawgs 31
Kats 28

Dogs 31
Cats 24

Dawgs 32
Cats 28

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