Cuzzin’ Bailey
God this week is such a fucking let down after last weeks heroics…The Gators beat the douchebag Volunteers IN Neyland Stadium, FSU AND Miami lost which is always a good thing for me … and the Auburn/LSU game did not disappoint, unless of course you were rooting for the Bayou Bengals…Speaking of LSU, I will be traveling to the Pelican State this weekend for a bachelor party … let the insanity begin…did I mention the games this week suck? (Props to the Malt Licker on passing the bar … great news)…
Malt Licker
Wow…huge win for our Gators. Separation Saturday proved to be just that, as the Tigers of Auburn took control of the West, and our Gators took control of the East. Not only that, they also have positioned themselves to be THE dominant team in the state, given the pathetic/anemic/bogus performances of F$U and The “U”. Rumor has it Phat Phil is looking for a big block of cheese that was swiped from his kitchen….Another fucking bogus full slate of non-conference games
El Gran Mono
This week sucks after last week’s stud lineup of games. But since I will be traveling to Katrinaville and doing some no-holds-barred drinking I don’t give two shits. I really wish SEC teams would start scheduling some bigger non-conference games during the middle of the season but its doubtful that will happen. So, for now, bring on NSWE Timbuktu Tech State University-Mombasa! Congrats to Malt Licker on his bar passage! Coming soon, 1-800-Bourbon Boys, defending all your post-game criminal defense needs!
Saturday September 23, 2006
CB
One of the great things about this week is that the lines are going to be astronomical; therefore, its sooo easy to pick games … oh wait … damnit!! Anyways, Colorado is the worst fucking team in the world, so you would think that would make this one a no-brainer …UGA came through in a big way last week and shut down UAB … you know I just looked at the Dawgs schedule and with the exception of UT they don’t have a real test until the Cocktail party … look for them to get in a lull before that game … but anyways, this contest is going to bah-low…
We hate women 13
Welcome to Club
ML
I have learned 2 things this year, the ACC and Big 12 suck my balls.
Jawja 35
EGM
The Buffs lost to
Are they still taking stickers off helmets? 0
Masters of shutouts and shitty hair 31
CB
This 12 team schedule really sucks sometimes … the Gators have to play
Buff 0
Aww-bun 42
ML
Wow…way to follow up the showdown with LSU against the worst team in Division 1. The fact that this team is on their schedule is a joke, much like their alcohol tolerance.
Sabres? 6
Plainzmen 34
EGM
SUNY-Buffalo 7
The Power of Prohibition 49
CB
Wow, an actual contest amongst all this crap. I really don’t like the Razorbacks after barely beating Vandy, but it serves me right for falling for one of the classic blunders … I didn’t take Vandy against the spread…I KNOW they always play SEC teams tough … but why didn’t I take that into account? … Anyways Bama hasn’t had a real test yet …even though the aforementioned Commodores gave them a real scare…now they have the Hogs and the Gators in back to back road games … this isn’t the same Crimzin Tide team that we saw last year BP (Before Prothro’s disgusting injury) …look for this week to start a two game skid for the boys from Tuscaloosa…
Bamer 20
ML
Nice…..an actual SEC showdown. John Parker Wilson takes on Mitch Cum-stain and Nutt’s big hogs. These teams have a common opponent, mighty Vandy. Vandy lost to ‘Bama by 3 in
Rammer Jammer 20
Hog Hammered 12
EGM
These teams are eerily similar, their offenses are lethargic, tailbacks are good, QB situations are shaky, colors are similar, and they can’t cover against Vanderhateathletique. Bama ramped up their offense against dreadful La-Monroe but look for a return to reality against a moderately good Hawg defense. This game hinges on QB play and Mustain is starting to look good. Nutt needs this game badly and Shula will help him out by using his horrendous playbook.
The beginning of FireMikeShula.com 17
Nuttin up 21
CB
Wow, UT really fucked up last week huh? Hahaha I love it!! The Big Orange ran out of luck in the fourth quarter as the Gators came up huge with two TDs to erase a 10 point deficit … What in the world should make me think that they are this “solid team” that’s gonna give 21 points to the Thundering Herd and STILL cover?? Oh right … Marshall sucks … Of course after looking like a bunch of saps last week at home … this team may not have any confidence left … oh I hope that’s the case …
UT 30
ML
I’m sorry Tony Joiner came into Neyland and stole your cheese. However, I haven’t heard much by way of complaints. After all, the better team did win. Even Phat Phil must have realized this, although he was probably upset to notice that a huge block of sharp cheddar was missing from his fridge. I don’t know a god-damn thing about the Thundering Herd, but I feel like they are comfortable in mountain settings, and I see them covering
Hundering Terds 13
Despondent Vols 27
EGM
The Vols are a much better team than I thought. I figured Ainge was doing it with smoke and mirrors but it appears he is actually following typical Cutcliffe-AJ Suggsian Protocol by throwing passes no longer than five yards, letting your receivers do all the work and trying to beat people with trick plays. Against a very shitty
Big Green 10
Big
CB
This is great … I was speaking to a friend of mine who is … well, as big a Wake Forest fan as one could be …and apparently the Deacons are on a “dredge of the NCAA” tour … they have played (and beaten) such juggernauts as UConn, Syracuse, and Duke … and if they get past this week they have a great chance of being 5-0 before they get stomped by Clemson in week 6. Ole Miss did what they were destined to do last week and lost to Kentucky … Wake will probably be stuck with their Freshman QB the rest of the year and when they actually play a competitive team that might be an issue…for now the Deacs will have to deal with Crackhead Brent Schaeffer. A doable task…
Wake 20
Mithuthippi 19
ML
Jesus…another shitty game. Ole Miss was spanked by
Syphillus ridden Deacons 28
Chlamydic Rebels 21
EGM
Ole Miss has proven to be absolutely atrocious on the road this season after getting handled easily by Rich Brooks excuse for a team last weekend. The real question is whether Brent “Stupid Fuck” Schaeffer throws for more than 100 yards in a game.
House That Hair Built 20
CB
Finally
Bulldogs 23
Blazahs 27
ML
After Sly’s boys lost to goddamn Katrina-Lane, I will never pick them until they win. I see the Angry Dragons knocking them off. Especially since Mess
These Bulldogs eat Shit 14
Blaze up fools 28
EGM
Whomever Miss St plays, I’m picking them to cover.
Shitty town, shitty school, shitty team 8
Blazin’ up like Scoop Thomas 20
CB
It has to be the fact that FAU is just God awful that the spread is so high. The Gamecocks haven’t shown anything to anyone this year even when they “shutout”
Failed to get Accepted U 12
U Suck Cock 34
ML
USC could barely beat something called Wofford. So I definitely don’t see them covering the spread against FAU. I’m pretty sure this is the squad led by Howard Schnellenberger, but that might be FIU. Again, I don’t give a rat’s ass.
Owls? 35
Cizzocks 14
EGM
The man who started “the U” takes on the man who made the Gators great. Owls and Cocks…catch the fever. You know Cuzzin’ Bailey will just talk shit about Spurdog when analyzing this game so why should I add anything productive about it. Well, because I’m just a better person than him, that’s why. I can’t imagine Spurdog will allow this to be as close as the Wofford game but with their offense that point spread is insane.
Hooters 10
Need a blackout to cover 38
CB
Two SEC losses by 5 total points, and hanging in with Meee-chigan til the end during the first week, this ‘Dore team may not be the worst ever, but the one they are playing must be very close … if Vandy is getting the No Line call against you, that’s pretty fucking embarrassing…God I hate Vandy…
Vand 37
ML
Jesus…the Tenn. St Tigers. You’d think they’d be able to be a little more original than this, especially since it is a black school. After all, this is the race that can figure out 14 different ways to spell Sean, as well as various ways to interject more than one capital letter in a first name. Vandy is the team that can figure out multiple ways to lose in heartbreaking fashion.
LaTigers 6
Dores 27
EGM
Vandy has added diversity into their scheduling by adding all-black
Good band 7
Bring on
CB
Coming off a huge win in a crazy hostile place like Neyland Stadium in front of a national audience, and coming from behind, you might expect the Gators to come out flat this week … but I don’t think that Meyer is going to let that happen…I am not suggesting that Florida is going to win every game this year, but trust me, they can handle the Mildcats this week. I even like the spread … I just have a feeling that this team is going to be on a mission to embarrass UK and get all sorts of crazy jacked up before revenge game Numero Uno…looking ahead you say? … Perchance early on…but I predict by the third quarter, the
Blonde Bombshells 6
Mighty Reptiles 55
ML
Wow…this is the first time
Tubby worse than Billy 7
Urban better than Rich 41
EGM
Rich Brooks is rebuilding 10 years after the fact 13
Smokin’ in more than one way 56
Tulane at LSU (-36), 8
CB
LSU really let me down last week…but I did notice a couple of things that caught my attention. 1) JaMarcus Russell is the biggest spaz I have ever seen. He seems like a fucking toddler trapped in a gargantuan body. I mean picture it, the pocket has just formed and he FREAKS OUT, runs around, and fucks up …I think that it was a bad idea for people to tell him how good a throwing-while-scrambling QB he is cause it seems that that is all that he does ... I can’t remember what the second thing I noticed was but I’m sure it was something about the LSU defense … they were great and I would be surprised, considering they play remotely as well as they did last week, if Tulane even crosses the LSU 40 … would it be improper to make a joke about a “Wave rushing into Baton Rouge”? … One would think so …
2-lane 3
LSU 40
ML
Katrina Bowl!!!!! I wonder if EGM will be attending this…methinks not. I don’t blame him. I can already see the cheesy ESPN Gameday montage of flooded streets and destroyed homes. Pardon me while I shed a tear…..
Green Wave of pity 6
Bengal Wave of defensive force and anger 44
EGM
Maybe all the players can exchange building tips before the game and cry on each other shoulders. Or maybe they can share experiences on how they spent 1000 bones of taxpayers dollars on transvestite hookers. Any of that would be more exciting than this game.
GREEN, like waves coming through a levy 10
JarJar actually throws some passes in the endzone 48
Rice at
CB
I don’t want to come across like a total Clemzin mark, but I was really glad when those Tigers beat the Criminoles last week. Let’s break down FSU’s season so far. They barely beat
Grain 17
Injuns 40
ML
What a pathetic excuse for a schedule. With the way the Noles are playing, if they had a serviceable schedule they’d be looking at 6 wins tops. As it stands they can look forward to a 3 TD defeat at the hands of the mighty Gators.
Owls 9
Nole$$$$$ 29
EGM
I would bet that 0% of the Crimonole team actually knows where Rice is located. I would also bet that 0% of people attending FSU would be accepted to Rice. I’m sure this game will be LoBook’s coming out party…and by coming out party I mean 25 yds rushing.
Smart Hooters 7
Idiots 35
CB
HAHAHAHA…what a great day!! 10 bucks to the first person that sees 5 people with ‘Canes gear on in one week…
ML
Coker death clock…officially passed it’s deadline
EGM
Dear “Cane Fan”:
The “search” for a new coach begins…its too bad you have very little fan base or alumni support to pay for a real one. After all, why do you think you ended up with COKEr in the first place? Snort some yeyo, hit
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