So much for getting through the gauntlet unscathed…Luckily I didn’t make the trip, facing that drive Sunday knowing what happened the day before and knowing that it was the last day of lazy Malt Licker, I may have killed myself. That’s right Ol’ ML is now a…gasp…professional. No more going to class when I feel like it, no more boozing it up on the weekends. In a nutshell, my life is over. I hope it doesn’t affect my musings on this blog. On second thought, given my recent performances, that may be a good thing. I see I’m tied with Cuzzin’ Bailey. However, I settle for nothing less than 60%.
El Gran Mono
Public Service Message: DON’T EVER STAY AT A RED CARPET INN. Ok, I just had to say that after my stay in craptacular
So according to the SEC, Chris Leak fumbled right? … I mean is that what they are saying? … Cause if so, they are fucking morons … anyways, that’s all I wanted to say about that … The atmosphere was intense in Auburn, the game sucked total ass … but whatever … SO, the Gators have an off week to prepare to protect their SEC East lead starting with Georgia …but this week, we have a few games that could be very interesting despite the double digit spreads … Bama/UT for instance is an establishment in the SEC so hopefully the Tide (who have apparently given up on the season) can come to play … anyways … prepare yourself for a lackluster version of “The Bourbon Boys”…
Ole Miss at
Mr. McFadden will have a big ass hog of a day. Nutt’s boys average over 230 yards on the ground, and the O’s Rebs give up more on the ground than the Polish army in 1940. The Rebs narrowly lost to Shula’s Tide, but that is not a huge surprise. Schaeffer is quickly taking the crown as most crack-tastic QB in all the land.
Got any Rocks? 10
Noe, butt we havve plentee of elliterates 25
Here are two teams going in vastly different directions. After the USC game, I figured
No points for shitty hair 7
Running Hawg wild 35
How many weeks in a row can we talk shit about the same teams? … Should I even count playing hard against Bama as a positive sign? I really believe that this game is going to be a total blow out … I sort of like the 17 point spread, but I think that the Razorbacks, a team that went to Auburn and turned the Tigers into little bitches, are just going to unload their running game right on top and around and through this pathetic Rebel defense just like Sherman’s scorched earth policies …
Burn Baby Burn 35
Does a team that loses to Vandy at home deserve to be 18.5-point favorites? Well, all you have to do is bring in Sly’s crew. They are fresh off a big W over
Bad News Dogs 6
Good News Cuz We Might Win 31
UGA is absolutely pitiful on offense. They shouldn’t be favored by more than 10 against any team in the SEC. It’s hard to score with a QB that has southern hair in his face 24/7, a QB who should be playing fullback or a QB in love with his red pubic hair. You can see Richt’s dilemma.
Sly’s Farewell Tour 10
QB Trifecta from hell 27
Call me crazy, of course this may prove to be an accurate spread, but who the fuck are the d-bags making these lines? … Is
Poor White Trash Dogs 14
Rich White Trash Dogs 32
Greeeeeen Wave 6
FUCK AUBURN!!!!!!!! 40
3 ½ bars. That’s how many the Plainsmen have. While some Plainsmen dipshits may disagree, a couple Gators confronted a dimwitted Plainsman at Wal-Mart last Friday night at around 3 AM CST. Here’s how it went:
Q: How many bars do you have and name them?
A: We got lots.
Q: How many?
A: We got...uhhhh….Sky Bar….Bodega…
Q: Supper Club only counts as half because it’s not close to anything.
A: Well we gots….uhhh….uhhh….we got lots…
Yes, the Plainsmen did beat the Mighty Gators and I’m not going to make any excuses. But can the Plaismen continue to refuse to throw the ball downfield and expect to win the SEC? I doubt it. I expect a very lackluster effort against Tulane after expending every inch of backflipping energy last week.
Hurricane Refugees 10
Iced tea anyone? 41
Go Green Wave!!! (Not a chance) Anyways, you know what? I am not going to do what everyone thinks I’m gonna do, and FLIP OUT!!!! I understand that bullshit calls by officials whose children attend
SEC Whipping Boy 13
How will Vandy follow-up their biggest win of the century? By getting smacked around by a bunch of Cocks.
Mushroom Tattoos 14
I have officially bought into the theory that Vandy players are completely wrapped up in academics when they play home games. Their library has so many books to read and their calculators have so many functions to master. How could anyone concentrate? Spur-Dog spent his entire week drawing up plays in his 1 acre field of dirt. How can Vandy possibly compete with that?
No like calculators 20
I don’t know … I mean Vandy just went to Sanford Stadium and beat UGA for the first time in like 12 years when Gerry DiNardeaux was the head coach, you’d think they would get a little bit more respect at home against an average team. Well maybe USC isn’t just average. This game is probably going to be one of the better ones this week. And as much as I respect Vandy after their past two seasons, I just have a feeling they are going to have a let down after last week’s heroics …
I know this game is in
Low Tide 17
Smokey Eats Elephant 31
The Third Saturday in October. Great name for a rivalry. It really shows the originality that the typical Bama/Vol fan brings to the table. I have some great quotes regarding the Tide that I received from Plainmen’ fans last week but I’m going to wait until Iron Bowl week to release them. As for the Vols, they gobbled up UGA two weeks ago much like Fulmer takes down boneless chicken wings. Ainge is red hot and the running game appears to be better with Foster back in the lineup. No one wants to play UT right now, no one. John Parker Average seems to be the only option in big games for the Tide these days because Ken Darby fell into a black hole. The Vols will give up some points but there is no stopping their stud tandem of wideouts. Is it bad if Shula’s plays are written in crayon?
More of a Magenta Tide 17
Ainge for Heisman? 30
You know something stupid? (wow I’m not calling YOU stupid, I meant, do you want to “hear something stupid”….wow again, I mean I’m, never mind).. I was totally about tp write about how this is such a huge rivalry, but since 1994,
Rammer Jammer 20
Vols are for real? 28
Bayou Bitches 45
Hmmm…night game in Death Valley…LSU destroying everyone not named
Another “barn burner” in
The other FSU 10
I’m too angry to say anything else, but I hope whoever sat next to Lizard Boy Leak and Wilbur didn’t smell the shit in their pants or step in the piss streaming down their legs
Regroup and let the five game reign of terror begin. BREAK
Well, its time to regroup and win out … the SEC East is still ours … Next on the radar: The Georgia Bulldogs … I can’t wait til Lindsay Scott and Buck Belue DIE!
This makes me think of the old proverb. If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a noise????
Rich Brooks gets a week off to fine tune his ten year rebuilding effort.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this season was over before it began … (p.s. I didn’t mean for that to rhyme so shut the hell up!)
I recall a time when you’d have to make some off-color joke about Doug Flutie coming back for BC to have a chance against FSU. Now they are less than a touchdown underdog. Part of me thinks this is sad. I mean, you have this college in the uncaring Northeast with a chance against a former power from THE state of college football. I compare FSU to the
Hail Maryyyyyyy 24
Please though, no suicide bombings 17
Props go to Malt Licker for hitting www.dannysheridan.com for the line. Why he was checking out that site, I do not know. Maybe that’s why he’s in the lead? Maybe he’s a degenerate gamble? Whatever…oh yeah, FSU-BC. The Nole$ suck ass in all facets of the game and another loss would put them out of ACC Coastal Division contention. Circle the wagons? I don’t think so. BC isn’t terrible. FSU is having trouble against any team that isn’t terrible. Book em Dano.
Golden Showers for the FSU Sluts 24
The wrath of the Ugly Bowden continues 17
I’m surprised that the Noles are favored over anyone these days … All I really care about is their match up at the end of the season, but it looks to me that one more loss out of the Criminoles, and they are pretty much done for the ACC championship … I say it happens this week …
Bahston Cahllage 22
I don’t know what is more idiotic: the brawl; people being surprised and disgusted by the brawl; Lamar Thomas’ comments from the booth; People being surprised that Lamar Thomas would make such comments; or the fact that Puke is making an appearance on this blog for the 3rd time in a row.
Thug U 31
Can’t Spell Douckhe without Duke 10
Cokehead players got into a fight during last week’s game. Surprised? I think not. What else would you expect from a bunch of dudes fresh off 72 hour yeyo benders? They can only hold it together for so long. I expect the Cokehead players to look even more worn out this week given their Friday night matchup with the
“That’s just chalk on my nose, Coach” 31
Coach “Special” K lovers 13
I have two words for
Brawl U 45
Comments, anger, free love – bring that shit to firstname.lastname@example.org.