Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week XI
Malt Licker
Ol’ Cuzzin’ Bailey may be out of a job as the GOP has been swept out of the Capitol. I only hope W knows how to pronounce veto, the thought of Pelosi driving policy makes my skin curdle. Maybe that’s what happened to her face.
El Gran Mono
Crazy ass week. The GOP gets pushed around like 90 lbs Vietnamese prostitute and Cuzzin’ Bailey is suddenly looking for employment. Let’s hope the Gators fare better now that they have an outside shot at a national championship appearance. I’d also like to pour some out for Scoop Thomas, who just couldn’t handle the thought of staying in
Cuzzin’ Bailey
Well I’m sure everyone is aware of the shitty news this week … and I’m not talking about the Florida-Vandy game … Cuzzin’ Bailey is joining the ranks of all the fucking bums you see out on the street with signs and mumbling to themselves. That’s right … yours truly is getting canned. The “wonderful” public cast their votes Tuesday and the people have spoken and have decided that there is no need for a Bourbon Boy in the US Government. Oh well who cares … maybe I’ll just work at Blockbuster … Anyways, there are some perennially great games this weekend … and some shitty ones as well. So considering the fact that I have to start looking for a job, this will be an abbreviated version of my picks…Bitch.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
ML
Oh boy, it’s the oldest rivalry in the South or some shit. The Dawgagas have been pretty pathetic this year…Holy Shit!!! I just realized they actually lost to
UGGGGH-AAA 13
Awwwbarn 24
EGM
Now I understand why the Plainsmen wanted to play UGA every year instead of UF. While they may have reigned over the pseudo-Mighty Gators earlier this year, they should absolutely dominate the lowly Dawgs. But even though UGA lost to KY last week I have a sneaky suspicion they will come to play against Auburn’s highly overrated, “sack em or get burned” defense. Matt “Looks Like a Bad Case of” Staphord should make enough throws to keep this one under 13. I rather bet the over/under on Eddie Bauer Explorer’s with kayak’s on top outside the stadium. The number should be somewhere around 10,000.
Our chicks wear tight black pants 13
Our dudes wear tight orange pants 24
CB
The Dawgs lost to fucking Kentucky last week … they are absolutely so shitty its hard to even imagine that we let them stay in the game two weeks ago … but then I remember the Vandy game and how apparently we can’t shut down teams even when we have a sizable lead … you know, come to think of it, its not that hard to imagine…This game is at Auburn, and to be honest that really doesn’t matter, just wanted to point that out…I like the Tigers … Rivalry game or not …
Dawgs 13
Kitties 28
Vanderbilt at
ML
I realized this is the first week SEC teams have played only SEC teams, which limits our entries to 7. Halle-fucking-lulah, these teams are actually not half-bad. Both have managed to beat “upper-tier” UGA and have played just about everyone tough. I’m going with Vandy being away from home and the library.
Vanderbilt 23
EGM
Vandy seems to get all the respect for being a half-ass team that loses all the tim but KY has actually managed to scrape together three conference wins and would be bowl eligible with a victory here. However, Vanderdork is on the road and away from academic temptations. Good thing KY plays La-Direction next week because they will need that one in order to play in the Micron PC Bowl.
Bobby Johnson = Good Coach 24
Rich Brooks = Shitty Coach 21
CB
The Mildcats equaled a feat that the Commodores accomplished earlier this year which means that this could conceivably be the best game of the week, they both beat UGA (which means we should probably put all of Athens on suicide watch)…Sorry for keeping this short, but this IS Vandy at UK … I mean who the fuck cares?
Vandie 19
Kensucky 20
ML
Well, it finally is here, and the buzz is surprisingly low around the Sunshine state. Maybe I’ve just been in the dark. Once again, the odds makers have us a double-digit favorite. I wonder what our cover percentage has been this year. I’d guess it is less than .500. I hope Cuzzin’ Bailey is keeping quiet this week. Rumor has it he’s coming to Gville and lord knows he’ll want his pipes rested to boo Spurrier.
First in a long line of defeats at the place you built Steve 14
Victory…but no cover 23
EGM
I’d really like to say the Gators are going to run away with this one and make Spur-dog look like a fool; however, that is highly unlikely. The Gators can’t seem to put two halves together these days and Leak is starting to look very shaky throwing the ball. It’s a good thing the Gator defense has played so well this year or else this team would probably have at least two more losses. The one thing that gives a Gator fan hope is Blake Mitchell at QB for the Cocks. The guy just throws the ball up for grabs and makes terrible decisions against the blitz. Hopefully, the lead will be big enough when Syvelle Newton comes in to stage a comeback.
Too much Mitchell 14
Too much Gator D 28
CB
What kind of moron would I be if I picked UF to cover this spread? Its actually a great possibility that we could lose this game … lets think about this … UF has been blowing it lately, late in games … and South Carolina’s coach is phenomenal even if he is the biggest turncoat this side of Sir Walter Raleigh … Spur-dog is probably going to have a whole bag of the same old tricks … fades, slants, and pretty much all around badass passing plays, the only question is, do they have the talent to burn the UF DBs … I think they do … but I think we will be able to hold them back on the scoring just enough and probably late just to ensure a victory in our last SEC game …
USC 23
UF 33
ML
I will never watch this game without thinking about the Clint Stoerner Stumble game. Man, that ‘98 team might have been the luckiest team in the history of teams. Every time Phil is in barbecue country he feels lucky.
Pork-fried chicken 23
Phil Steele is a genius 31
EGM
This is really the game of the week in the SEC. Arkansas pretty much clinches a spot in the title game with a victory. However, Phat Phil and krew are fighting for pride now and possibly even a bonus reward of the recently released McRib. McFadden is probably the best offensive player in the SEC and top five in the country. The fact people aren’t talking about him for the Heisman is ludicrous. UT stops the run. So the real story here will be Dick/Mustinky against the UT pass defense. I think this game will be very low scoring and will set up a huge Thanksgiving Friday for
Smokey weans himself off the feces diet 13
Nutt Letdown Part I 10
CB
UT 17
UA 23
ML
Thank you JAR JAR!!! Big stones on that last drive. I’ve never heard Neyland that quiet, oh wait…I was so drunk I couldn’t hear anyway, but I bet it was quiet. However, Bryant-Denny might have been more quiet. Quiet like Sly Croom at a klan meeting, quiet like Mike Shula rehashing stories of great Touchdown drives….
Shhhhhhh 9
Darsh! Valley 20
EGM
Bama is on a downward spiral and Shula is not providing answers. Sly Croom brought his batch of shitheads into
Search for Ken Darby continues 0
Two loss team in the BCS? 31
CB
Remember, remember the 11th of November … this game was once an intense rivalry, but with the loss of the “savior,” the Tide have lost their “spirit” … so to speak. Four fucking losses?? Haha … and most recently to
Bama 14
LSU 33
Ole Miss – OFF
ML
No doubt need a rest after that big win over
EGM
Absolutely genius move in firing Cutcliffe…(cue hair stroke)
CB
Get a freaking mascot you total losers … I mean when people talk about the shit bomb teams in the SEC that are bringing us down in national respect, they are talking about you.
ML
Ol’ Sly deserves a rest after the big W over his alma mater
EGM
Huge win against the Alma Mater probably nets Croom a new ten year deal.
CB
I hope these dirty Dogs get all full of themselves after the win last year … they are probably thinking this is an upswing … I got news for you, it ain’t.
ML
Here comes a big “winning streak” for the Nole$. I guess Wake is supposed to be “good” this year, but I just can’t see them winning in Doak. No matter how crappy the Nole$ are or how senile Saint Bobby seems to be. Why can’t he get run over on the sideline and break his leg like JoePa.
Deacs 23
Criminoles 28
EGM
As much as I despise the ACC, I still have a hard time believing we are prepping for a Maryland-Wake championship game. I mean what the fuck happened? This is unbelievable. That said, F$U appears to have found new life with XLee at QB. However, Wake is a very opportunistic team and always plays F$U tough. I think Wake wants this game really badly and that’s just about all it takes to beat Jeff Bowden and Mickey Andrews these days.
Billy Packmeintheass U 20
XLee is not the solution 17
CB
Great win for Wake Forest last week … I was happy to see the ‘Cons pull it out against BC … but this week is a little bit different of a scenario … They have to travel to Tally and while this is clearly another off year for FSU, they showed some interested life last week against Virginia … I won’t bash the Deacs too much as I discovered a new-found respect for them after they toughed it out on Saturday, but its hard to think that they are going to go to FSU and come out with a win after such an emotional game…I’ll be rooting for them, but that doesn’t mean anything these days …
Wake 17
FSU 21
ML
Not even I’m a big enough asshole to make light of the shooting. If there’s karma, I’d like to keep at least an ounce of it. No chance to cover.
Dah U 13
Toitles 17
EGM
I can’t say anything about
CB
Damn, I feel really bad for the Canes right now … the more I hear about that player that was murdered, this week, the less I feel inclined to rip on them … I heard the players wanted to play this game in honor of their teammate, and in that case, I respect the decision … I just have to wonder how much their heads are going to be in the game … they are underdogs against Maryland … that is a tough pill to swallow …
Canes 21
Terps 20
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