Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week VII

Malt Licker
Man….what an alternatively great and horrible trip. I managed to witness another road loss for my beloved Gators, lose a contact lens, drink about 65 cocktails and have a great time in New Orleans. Unfortunately, the good time ended at about 10 pm CST, and I immediately began dreading the bus ride from Baton Rouge to New Orleans, the walk down Bourbon Street in Gator gear, the 7 am wake up call, the flight back to Tampa, the impending dismantling of my Buccaneers by Peyton, and finally, work. However, as a Celtics fan, I can now look forward to the NBA for the first time since puberty.

Cuzzin’ Bailey

Well I don’t know what to say. The Gators played as hard as they could, made two mistakes and there’s your ballgame. A former Guest Bourbon Boy, the Dinner Cruise Gambler, sent me a text that summed the game up in one sentence. “What can you say, we lead for 58:30.” Maybe that wasn’t the exact time but the point was taken. You can’t allow any team to regain some confidence and momentum in this league, especially the number 1 team in the nation. Oh and you can’t let said team go 5 for 5 on 4^th down conversations. Oh and the refs can’t allow the number 1 team in the nation to lose its last time out on a bullshit challenge. I hope so much that we get to see them again in the SEC championship game…

El Gran Mono

Last week featured two premium matchups and resulted in one blowout and one game for the ages. The results of the great game were sad for Gator fans but there are still many games to play. Fulmer and the Vols now hold the key to their SEC East fate. Will they blow it against Miss State this week? As for the game of the week out-of-conference, there really isn’t one so it was kinda tough. After all his trash talk, Malt Licker has lost his lead to yours truly and will likely slip out of contention this week. Congrats to loyal reader Phil Ace on his nuptials!

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Alabama @ Ole Miss (+7), 12:30

ML

Satan managed to piss of the local USF “fans” with his comments this week about how USF takes players that couldn’t get into UF. When I heard this I had two thoughts:

1) Shouldn’t a football team be representative of the general student body?

2) Does a coach from the University of Alabama have room to talk about admission standards?

Speaking of morons, Ole Miss is playing. This could be the only school that is used to playing before noon. In fact, Saturday’s in Oxford are a lot like Sundays. They get up early, dress up, see friends and are continuously reminded of their mortality.

Admit that you are crooked 24

This season is too far-gone to be redeemed 14

CB

Well, Alabama has certainly made me look like a jerk in the past two weeks. I must be a glutton for punishment because I have a gut feeling that they are gonna play hard this week in Oxford and not get distracted by all the gorgeous southern ladies in their nice little sundresses, but could you really blame them? That’s all I was thinking about when I was there, well that and the fact that our team played like shit and still won. Like what should have happened when Auburn…alright enough. JP Wilson accounted for 3 TDs last week in the almost loss to Houston at home, and the Rebels manhandled La Tech in a nice little shutout, something they hadn’t done since ‘03. Hey, you know what else happened in ‘03? Ole Miss beat Bama! Do I think that’s possible this year?

Bama 23

Ole Ma’ama 17

EGM

Ole Miss broke up its four game losing streak by defeating mighty La Tech. Unfortunately for the Rebs its back to the SEC schedule and a Bama team that has struggled lately and looking for redemption. The Tide were on their way to a blowout last week until Shasta and the Cougars decided to make it a game in the fourth quarter. John Parker Wilson continues to be unimpressive and now Terry Grant is dinged up. This game has home-dog cover written all over it. However, the Rebs are giving up points in all directions and I’m not counting on the Tide to blow the lead again.

Satan’s Sound and Fury 28

Another SEC loss 20

Tennessee @ Mississippi State (+7), 2:30

ML

Don’t look now, but UT is back in the top 25 and controls their own destiny for a trip to Atlanta. The bad news is that they still have the bulk of their SEC schedule ahead of them. The good news is that it starts against the Cow-bell nation, who have (hopefully) finished up their non-conference creampuff factory with their victory over UAB. Anthony Dixon responded to a demotion from Ol’ Sly by coming off the bench to rush for 150+ and 3 scores. He’s going to need to have a similar effort for MSU to have a chance

Volzzzzz 27

Ding Dogs 17

CB

It ain’t a nice day in Mississip when both of their son’s are underdogs at home! Man Tennessee really came out of nowhere last weekend and just unloaded on Jawga. Oh and by the way, what a fucking surprise that Fulmer would go with trick plays early on in the game like that. He and Les Miles have seriously turned into video game coaches. I hate them. Meanwhile on the dirty side of the ball, the MSU Bulldogs out lasted a shitbox team in the 4^th quarter, scoring 3 TDs and making it look like a rout of UAB. It wasn’t. These Dawgs were trailing the Blazers 13-9 when it all finally started clicking for Sly Croom’s team. It only took 3 years. Well that impressive streak of one good quarter is gonna end this weekend. I like UT to carry on that momentum and hopefully they won’t need quadruple reverses to fool the MSU D.

UT 34

MSU 13

EGM

Last week, Miss State needed a comeback to take down the mighty UAB Blazers of Conference USA. This week they draw the wicked hot Vols who are coming off a blowout win over UGA. Fulmer has hammered Miss State in Starkville in the past and I expect nothing less this Saturday.

Back in the saddle for the East 35

No in the saddle for the West 10

Louisiana State @ Kentucky (+9), 3:30

ML

Man I hate these cajun fucks. They should count their lucky stars we decided to turn the ball over back to back, not force Flynn to throw it quick on 3^rd and long, and be completely unable to tackle Jacob “so white it hurts” Hester. I must concede that Les showed some ball by making all those 4^th down tries, but seriously, his kicker was god awful. It’s not like any of the times he went for it I was like…”I’m glad he’s going for it.” I would have much rather he punted or tried another FG.

No need to go for it 35

Still falling back to earth 20

CB

Well, if Les Miles has to go for it on 5-4^th downs this week, the powers that be may want to reconsider their place on their knees in front of LSU. I mean how can you call having to go for 5 fourth downs and OF COURSE getting them, and winning a bullshit challenge (that the moron coach gambled with their last timeout), an affirmation of their status at number one? I mean I hate to bitch but they were dominated and got a lucky turnover and ah what’s the use? Oh yea and to all you USF fans rooting for LSU this weekend? Well fuck you too! I think that UK is in for a very, very tough task this weekend. After all LSU is the greatest team on the face of the earth.

The ‘L’ is for Lucky 32

UK 19

EGM

LSU needed every last inch to beat the mighty Gators last week. Their defense actually looked human against a team that could run and throw. Kentucky can pass and run but they don’t have the downfield playmakers that UF possesses. KY looked lethargic against the Cocks secondary who prevented them from getting any intermediate or deep routes. I’m betting LSU does the same thing and their offense should easily put points on the shitty KY defense.

Good defense 34

Bad defense 24

South Carolina @ North Carolina (+6), 3:30

ML

North Carolina Likes it on Top! Have you seen those t-shirts? If not, go to your local Urban Outfitter. It will be on the rack next to the “One Human Family” t-shirts and hemp necklaces. Spurrier hates hemp and he hates losing to UNC. He hates it so much he’s never done it, and by it I mean lose to UNC…not hemp. You know he was big into the ganja while tearing up the SEC in the late 60s. He beat UNC with Duke for christ sakes. I’m sure he’d like nothing more than to slap the shit out of these powder blue queers with his Cocks.

New Unis same story 23

Let down after dah U 20

CB

Talk about getting no respect with the gamblers. UNC beat up on Miami last weekend and staved off one of the Hurricanes patented comebacks and they are still home dogs to their neighbors from the Souf? That’s ridiculous. Well maybe I’m being ridiculous. I can’t imagine the Tar Heels playing like that and getting those breaks two weeks in a row esp against a team that isn’t on crack.

South 26

North 13

EGM

So, this game is at six points strictly because UNC beat Miami. That’s insane. UNC had beaten all of zero I-A teams until last week. Miami is not good and Kyle Wright is one of the ten worst starting QBs in all of football. The Cocks used tough defense and turnovers to beat KY last week. They will dispatch with UNC without any problems.

Click Clack 38

We beat Miami! 10

Georgia @ Vanderbilt (+7), 6

ML

Man…the SEC East is crazy. Just when you thought Georgia would make a move towards the division crown, they get pasted by Vols at Neyland. Will Vandy make it a winless trip for the Dogs to the Volunteer State? The Dore’s beat the Dawgs in their own yard last year. I bet the sun-tanned Prick will be using up his best bulletin board material to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

UGA 26

Gored Dores 13

CB

God you have to love the parity in the SEC. I mean we’re talking about Vandy here, and they are only getting 7 points. Well I’m sure that has something to do with UGA screwing the pooch (so to speak) last week at UT. Boy I didn’t see that coming at all. Maybe this spread is the punishment for when you have a down week. UGA did lose a running back, but there isn’t an injury report in college football so that shouldn’t be taken into consideration right? Sure. Regardless, running by committee or not, I like the Dawgs here to rebound. Cover the spread. And not make me look like a jackass two weeks in a row.

UGA 28

Vandie 10

EGM

UGA was buzzsawed early in the UT game and never had a chance to come back. Their offense is completely based on playaction passing and its tough to do that down four TDs. Stafford has looked terrible at times and his dropsy receivers don’t make him look any better. Vandy’s offense is not clicking like last year and it appears Chris Nickson is having a second-year slump. The Plainsmen absolutely hammered the Dores last week and UGA plays a very similar style of offense. That spells cover. Yes, I realize I’ve picked against every home dog so far.

Dawgs back on track 38

Vanderdork 21

Auburn @ Arkansas (-3), 7:45

ML

Man…what a clash of fashion this will be. Arkansas will have a minimum of 12,000 fans in some sort of overalls, while Auburn will have all their fans in khakis, orange ties, and blue dress shirts “rolled up” to look casual. Arkansas has yet to win a conference game this year, and McFadden is banged up. This is bad news against Auburn, who are among the SEC’s best against the run. A loss by the Hoggs here most likely means the end of the Houston Nutt era. Hmmmmm….just in time for the ’08 Election

Tubbs 31

Nutt in ’08 20

CB

Auburn is on an impressive 3 game winning streak and Arkansas is coming off 2 straight wins over awful teams. Maybe that’s what the Razorbacks needed cause they were severely struggling after dropping two straight SEC games. Now 0-2 in the SEC I would venture to say that this is most certainly a must win. Arkansas went to Jordan-Hare Stadium last year and upset the Tigers and I honestly think that barring some bullshit breakdown of the Razorbacks run game, they should win in a decent manner.

Awbun 16

Ark 24

EGM

This is a very tough game to predict because Arkansas has played two dirtbag teams since losing back-to-back game to Kentucky and Bama. McFadden and Jones will get their yards but the real story is whether the Hawgs can pass when Auburn completely crowds the line of scrimmage. They have yet to get it done against a good team and the Plainsmen are looking for revenge after getting hammered in Jordan-Hare last year. BranDONE Cox suddenly looks like a different player and the Plainsmen still have a reasonably stout defense. I look for the Arkansas lack of throwing and lack of secondary to bite them in the ass again.

Tubbs 24

Nutt 23

Florida - OFF

ML

When we lose…I don’t comment.

CB

I like to score chicks, mkay…

EGM

The best way to respond to a two game losing streak is by winning the rest of your games.

Non-SEC Game of the Week

Georgia Tech @ Miami (-3), 12

ML

Man….not only does Butch Davis decide not to return to Miami, he promptly comes into the Orange Bowl and kicks their ass with the Tar Heels. Seriously, how do you get worked at home by UNC? The Canes have a good defense, a below average offense, and putrid fans. The Rambling Wreck was ranked for a while, buoyed by their “Big W” against Notre Dame. Since then they’ve done what Tech does best, be average. Although I would love to pick against the Canes, I think they’ll bounce back after the upset and expose Chan Gailey as a joke.

Knock Knock 14

Que? 21

CB

Well, well, well, if it isn’t good ol’ Georgia Tech. Kids, did you know that the Yellow Jackets were a charter member of the SEC when it started out in 1933? Well they were. That’s pretty much all I got about them. Uh they beat Notre Dame, but who didn’t this year? HA sorry UCLA (you suck). Miami got “upset” last weekend at UNC, a perennial powerhouse. They were down 27 at halftime and managed to comeback to within a score and blew it cause they freaking suck. The Jackets are looking to make it 3 in row against the Canes, but for some reason I just don’t think they can do it.

Jawga Tech 17

Mee-ami 21

EGM

Forget Game of the Week, this is the Game of the Year. Well, it would be the Game of the Year if you wanted to see two of the most inconsistent offenses guided by two awful QBs. There will be many successful blitzes by both teams and at least two defensive scores. But the real question is how many interceptions will be thrown? I’m giving four to Kyle Wright and three to Taylor Bennett. Since the OB provides no recognizable home field advantage these days, that one turnover difference should decide the game.

Yellow Jackets 17

Kyle Wright #1 Prospect 14