Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week X

Malt Licker

I must say….my enthusiasm for College Football is certainly in a valley. The Gators are pretty much out of the SEC hunt, and I could care less about the rest of the teams. Malt Licker has continued to struggle, barely picking at a rate of .500. I just want to say that I can’t believe UF doesn’t have a fucking running back and that I didn’t think I could think less of Mark Richt….

Cuzzin’ Bailey

What a dismal year for Cuzzin’ Bailey so far. I suppose going over 50% ATS this season in particular isn’t the worst thing ever, but lately I have just been screwing up left and right. Time to right the ship. Oh yea, we lost to UGA last weekend. That was heartbreaking. Was it just me or did it seem like Vern and Gary on CBS were actually happy that Tebow was struggling with the bum shoulder? I mean I understand it’s a news-worthy story and they had an open mic, but those two were actually reveling in our misfortune last Saturday. I hate CBS. On a sad note, I was very sorry to hear about the USC and Clemson students who died this week in the house fire, tragic stuff.

El Gran Mono

Wow, shitty picks week, shitty week for the Gators defense and Ohio State is still undefeated. The only cure for that is a hard week of work and less thoughts about the goings on in college football. That’s right, this guy has an everyday job like everybody else and its cutting into my football analysis. However, having a job doesn’t seem to equate to awesome picking abilities (see current standings).

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Vanderbilt @ Florida (-15.5), 12:30

ML

Whoopy whoop, the sad thing is this is probably the 2^nd best matchup in the SEC. If ever there was a weekend to go fly fishing or clean your garage, this is it. I don’t know how any team with a defense as sieve-like as ours can be favored by more than 2 TDs, even to a school of pseudo-classy intellectual scum.

Vandy 24

Peach Bowl Bound 30

CB

How in the world am I supposed to pick us to cover a 15.5 spread against a team that almost beat the team that smoked us last weekend?? Our defense played pretty poorly against UGA and has given up a shit load of points in the past few games. Vandy, meanwhile, has taken Georgia to the limit, upset USC in Columbia, and handled Miami (OH). Seems to me that they are the ones that have the momentum coming in to this game. But then I sit back and think, the Gators just got upset by a huge rival, Tim Tebow was (maybe still is) a bit hurt, and this is fucking homecoming bitches! You think that the Gators aren’t gonna be ready for whatever the Commodores throw at us? I am in last place and it’s only getting worse unless I start making some ballsy picks, and the way this season is working out, that appears to be the way to go. I think the Gators will cover, I think Tebow will be circa 90% and that even if they throw a little Cam Newton in mix, we’re gonna be fine. The problem is, if Vandie gets us in a shoot out, we’ll still win, but this spread will go the way of the Dodo.

Vandee 20

FLORIDA 36

EGM

It’s official. The Gators defense is pretty bad. They are really green and the two seniors that are playing don’t make any plays. If you didn’t watch the game last week, then you missed hearing that Tim Tebow had a hurt shoulder. They only said that about 150 times and that is likely an underestimate. Good Ol Timmy was definitely not his normal self but his slightly less than normal self is better than any player that Vandy has on their team. I love the Gators to rack up some points but I can also see Vandy laying some points on our shitbag defense. I told myself last weekend that I would not predict the Gators to cover any double digit spreads unless things change.

Vanderdork 24

Nothing changes in a week 39

Troy @ Georgia (-16.5), 1

ML

Fuck Troy, Fuck UGA, Fuck Richt. Ohhhhh let’s have a fucking conniption and celebrate like we discovered the Rosetta Stone after scoring a Touchdown on Kyle Jackson & Co. I hope Athens is swallowed up this week.

Troy (Gay name for a Dude) 13

Georgia (Girls name) 25

CB

How truly bizarre that not one week after I praised Mark Richt for scolding his players for acting like a bunch of douchebags on the field against Vandy, that he pulls a total 180. We lost the game I know that, I have accepted that, but I’m glad to have a coach who is classy enough to not pull a bush league gimmick like what he did at the Cocktail Party. What do you think Richt is gonna do this weekend to get his team motivated? Where does it end? Maybe a tag team cage match between the captains of both squads. Regardless, I don’t see an upset here, but maybe a bit of a let down after last week. But then again, UGA hasn’t exactly struggled scoring-wise against outmatched opponents, and with the exception of two games against two pretty good teams, their D has been solid as well.

TROY 13

UGA 40

EGM

The Dawgs are red hot coming off an asswhipping of their nemesis. Sadly, I bet they still think they will lose to the Gators next year. The Gators still own their ass. As for this game, UGA’s defense isn’t very good and Troy has the ability to score. That spells no cover. Especially, considering this line is likely inflated after Georgia’s thrashing of a crappy defense last week. I wonder if the Dawgs will manufacture some “enthusiasm” this week. Why do you have to gimmick getting pumped up against your rival? So sad…

Troy Trojans 21

Richt’s Pricks 35

Northwestern State @ Ole Miss (NL), 2

ML

I don’t make comments for no line games in November

NSU 4

Ole Piss 6

CB

I wonder if this team is a bitter rival of Northwestern. I’m curious if they are considered NW’s red-headed step child. That would really be a blow to one’s ego, don’t you think? NO LINE for Ole Miss, NW State must royally suck.

Nalthwestern State 12

OLE MISS 45

EGM

Leaving quaint Natchitoches must be tough. They will be greeted harshly by the shag haircutted freaks of Oxford.

DI-AA 10

SEC 38

Tennessee Tech @ Auburn (NL), 2:30

ML

Ditto

TiTy U 00

Aw-Barn 29

CB

Yippee, another NL game. Sure Auburn beat New Mexico State after two straight losses to MSU, and USF (two total shithead teams) at home, but if you want to point to a reason for the resurgence in the Auburn season, you must take into consideration the win they got AT Florida earlier this year. (Hey, this mostly a Gator blog, how am I not gonna put in a plug for UF?). Regardless, I feel bad for the loss they suffered at LSU two weeks ago but I guess its good that that’ll teach them to mock the Gator chomp (that’s bad luck) again.

TT 12

TT & the Tigers 51

EGM

Really? No DI-A opponents available? Fucking Sad.

Golden Eagles 3

Plainsmen 38

Louisiana State @ Alabama (+7.5), 5:00

ML

It’s Satan Bowl I!!! When I think of this game I will think of the chick in Baton Rouge with the tremendous small of the back who allowed my friends to photograph it in exchange for a beer. She had a t-shirt that said “Saban is a douche.” Truer words have never been spoken. I just need to think of another slogan with which to besmirch The Prick Richt. LSU is pretty good, but I can’t lay more than a touchdown at Bryant-Denny.

Bengal Stripes 25

Houndstooth 20

CB

WOW, no respect for Satan and his minions. HA, I just looked at this sheet and saw that Bama had an off week to prepare and I thought to myself, “heck, the Tide are gonna have a shot at this” but then I looked down farther and realized that Worse Miles and his crew also had last week off. So that basically means this game is gonna come down to execution for both teams and luck (bounces, calls, 4^th down conversions etc). I think you know where I’m going with this. Other than the loss at Kentucky (a team that is in a bad way currently HA), this has been the year of the Tiger. That being said, over a touchdown seems like a lot for an away SEC game. But then again, this is the luckiest team in the Conference right now. Fuck it, I’m going with the Tide, don’t ask me why.

LSU 27

BAMA 24

EGM

Satan faces his former minions. Does that mean he is technically fighting angels? Interesting. The Tide have been wickedly inconsistent all year but find themselves controlling their own destiny in the West. I really think that LSU’s pass rush and stud secondary will shut down the Bama passing game. As for LSU’s offense, they should fare well against a fairly porous DLine and linebacker core. I REALLY like LSU in a blowout coming off a bye week where they could get healthy. Look for Early Doucett to kick some serious ass.

Angels 28

Demons 13

Louisiana-Lafayette @ Tennessee (-29), 4

ML

Uggggggggggghhhh….this may as well not have a line either. I’m really glad we added this 12^th game. It sure has made the college football season more compelling. You know you are in trouble if Notre Dame-Navy is one of the more compelling matchups. I can only assume the Ragin’ Cajuns suck, because every good high school football player in Louisiana attends LSU.

Caged up like a Whore at da club 3

Vawulz 40

CB

Man, UT really squeaked one out last week against the Gamecocks, but that shouldn’t worry the Vols faithful this week. While that game did go to OT, I don’t think the Vol Navy or the Vol Air Force or whatever has anything to be concerned about this weekend. Well except “accidentally” sleeping with their sisters.

LA-La 10

Vol Marines 40

EGM

The Vols struggle to stop teams but have no problems scoring. Fulmer has a history of hammering shithead teams. I don’t think anything changes here.

Rajun Cajuns 17

Vols 48

South Carolina @ Arkansas (-4), 9

ML

Spur-Dog looks to get happy against the Nutt after a heartbreaking loss in Knoxville. The Cocks came back from the brink to force overtime, but couldn’t pull out, I mean pull it out in time. Meanwhile Arkansas forgot that this was “Shitty Opponent Week” in the SEC and played their cupcake last week. South Carolina has a good defense and should contain McFadden enough to cover this spread.

Cocky Lives 24

Nutt Dies 17

CB

The UT game last week would have been a major win for Spurrier. They would have controlled their own destiny by being in the driver’s seat for the SEC East, now just like every other team in the division, they blew it and have to start all over. The Cocks, lead by the biggest one of them all, face an Arkansas team that has regained their offense in the past two weeks against “cupcake” opponents. We are certainly going to see a major test of South Carolina’s running defense. But real question will be whether the Razorbacks shut it down in the second half ala Tennessee last weekend and allow the Cocks to get it up, I mean, ahem, get it GOING, again.

USC 17

ARK 26

EGM

The Cocks are coming off a huge loss to the Vols. Spur-Dog had Fulmer on the ropes after a huge comeback but his kicker blew it. The Cocks are terrible against the run and McFadden should exploit that problem for a majority of the game. The problem for Arkansas will be stopping the pass/trying to pass. I predict they will do neither of those things.

Passing 31

Running 28

Mississippi State – OFF

ML

Wow…a realistic shot at a bowl, unfortunately it will probably be a trip to Shreveport.

CB

I guess I’m the only one in the country that was pissed about the “late-hit” call against the Bulldogs last week. Woodson was running for the first down, the MSU defender hit him to prevent Andre from gaining said 1^st down IN BOUNDS, and he was flagged for a personal foul, ridiculous. But great win for the Dogs.

EGM

Going into the bye week red hot.

Kentucky – OFF

ML

Typical UK move, follow up an upset of #1 with consecutive losses at home. Is it too soon to start the “hey, hoops season is coming soon” jokes?

CB

Nice no show last week, losers.

EGM

Going into the bye week ice cold.

Non-SEC GOTW

Arizona State @ Oregon (-7), 3:30

ML

Man…if you want your program to get really good for a couple years, and like rolling the dice re probation, then Dennis Erickson is your man. This guy is uncanny at turning programs around, he must really know how to open up the university coffers to bring in the talent. Oregon knocked off SC at home, holding off a late rally. I must agree with Lou Holth though, everyone at Oregon is talking about how they just beat USC, while everyone in Tempe is talking about how they are playing Oregon. I think it is enough to cover, although the Ducks still hang on.

Hot Chick U 20

Q-Attack 24

CB

I’m going to have to preface this by saying that my Pac-10 knowledge is even more suspect then that of the SEC, esp. this year. However, I am aware that both of these teams are pretty legitimate. It appears that Oregon has a boss run game as well as a good passing game to boot, so with Zona St not looking too shabby on offense, I’m gonna suggest that this is going to a be a relatively high scoring affair. But the real over/under should be on how many Juco transfers Dennis Erickson has on his squad at ASU. Without looking I’m gonna go with 6, wow, it’s actually right at 6 (if you include CC’s, which I will of course). Hey here’s something I didn’t know, two former Gators are now on the Sun Devils team. Huge. Oregon has their second appearance on the BBoys this year, and they didn’t not disappoint last week with their “upset” win over USC. Of course they screwed me over, so this week I’m gonna learn my lesson. Go Ducks!

Zona Stizzle 24

Bigtime Ducks 32

EGM

Oregon looked great on both sides of the football against USC last week. Arizona State struggled against a wounded Cal team. Both teams have good offenses but the Ducks have an incredible home field advantage. If it rains, count on a 20+ point win for Heisman frontrunner Dennis Dixon and the Quackers.

Pretenders 17

Contenders 28