Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week XI

Cuzzin’ Bailey

Big win last week! I was there so I have no problem taking full credit. Somehow, on a wing and a prayer, the Gators are still in the SEC East hunt. Just need a little help from Arkansas and Auburn this weekend. I won’t be able to make it to South Carolina this weekend and let’s just say that is a good thing. Every time I go there it takes a few years off my life. Its lots of fun, but I rarely end up remembering the game, and that’s probably a bad thing. Go Gators and Happy B-day to BDA. We’ll be celebratin’ in the Keys beyatch!

El Gran Mono

Last week was just another crazy week in the SEC. The Cajuns squeaked by Bama on a freak turnover latr in the 4^th quarter. Arkansas rolled up a Cocks team that can’t stop the run. The Gators decided to play defense and the rest of league dominated inferior competition. This week will likely decide who will be Champion of the SEC East unless UGA or UT loses to KY later this season. With the way things are going, I fully expect Miss State to kick Bama’s ass and LSU to beat La Tech with a 2pt conversion in overtime. Happy Birthday BDA, don’t kill yourself celebrating!

Malt Licker

Here comes the Malt Licker, fresh off the operating table and 4 teeth lighter. Hopefully the mixture of Ice Cream, Hydrocodone and Ice Packs will help me regain my early season picking form. Cuzzin’ Bailey had a sick week last week and now finds himself right back in the mix. If he picks like that again, I’ll let him finish off my painkillers.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Alabama @ Mississippi State (+5), 12:30

CB

I think last week proved that Bama is pretty legit this year. While they did lose, they were so in that game and probably should have won. I am getting so sick of LSU and their fucking luck. It’s got to run out eventually. Anyways, Miss State embarrassed Kentucky two weeks ago and as was pointed out by another Bourbon Boy, they carried all that momentum into a bye week so something tells me they are gonna be about as cold as can be. Bama wants to take out last weeks frustration on somebody and the Dogs are the perfect target. Roll Tide

Bammer 35

Dogs 17

EGM

Satan totally blew that game against LSU. The fumble in the fourth quarter was totally inexcusable. Its fairly obvious that JPW has not sold his soul to Satan because that turnover would not have been made sans soul. Miss State is an enigma wrapped in a riddle that is trying to become bowl eligible. I really can’t believe I typed that. If you have seen the Bulldogs play, then you know why. Miss State has one of the worst passing offenses outside of Fayetteville yet they have managed to hammer some patsy opponents and beat up on two decent teams (KY & Awbarn). I expect Satan to unleash his fury on Miss State and JPW will likely sell his soul finally…to cover those five big ones.

Mephistopheles 28

Black Coach Not in a Bowl Yet 13

ML

The Tide took one on the chin as John Parker Wilson did his best Freddie Kitchens impersonation, with that bum-fuck fumble in the Fourth Quarter. Seriously, what was he thinking holding that ball out like he’s Kestahn Moore. Ol’ Sly seems to be making some strides in Starkville. I really see MSU being a lot like Ole Miss when Cutcliffe was there. Some schools just need to be happy with a guy that can keep them competitive and around .500, with an occasionally 8 or 9 win season thrown in for good measure. I mean seriously, MSU is in Starkville. It’s a place people can’t wait to leave, not a place they want to go. MSU has one of the best pass defenses in the country, and Alabama only has a mediocre running offense. I’m tempted to lay the points, because this is a revenge game for Bama, but I think the Cowbells cover

JP Kitchens 20

Just can’t throw 17

Arkansas @ Tennessee (Pk), 12:30

CB

Man, watching the Razorbacks last week was frightening. I mean sure they only passed for a hundo, but I mean jeez they ran for almost 6!!! It was really a treat watching McFadden and Jones go crazy, and hopefully they broke the confidence of the Gamecocks for this weekend against the Gators. I think the Vols defense is better than South Carolina’s and that being the case they should be able to handle the Hogs running attack, however it would take a series of Tebow-resistant concrete walls to stop the two-headed Arkansas machine. I like the Razorbacks, mostly because I really need them to win for the Gators chance at Atlanta.

Ark 33

Tenn 30

EGM

I really don’t know what to expect from this matchup and apparently Vegas doesn’t either. Both coaches are fighting for their jobs and Fulmer will definitely be fired if he blows their chance at winning the SEC East. I guess Nutt isn’t really fighting for his job but rather auditioning for the Nebraska job. I must say, I will miss him, and like Malt Licker, I hope he runs for Prez. If France hated GWB, they will really hate Nutt. As for the game, both teams are pretty decent against the run but absolutely terrible against the pass. The Hawgs can’t pass but the Vols can. So why am I picking Arkansas at Knoxville? Two reasons: Darren McFadden and Felix Jones.

Mr. Ahmajinad, I will nuke you 24

Another fat man on Careerbuilder.com 21

ML

Man, this is a big game for Gator ramifications. The Nutter is making a late season push to keep his job, and the Great Pumpkin has won two in a row after a late season tune-up at home. Arkansas’ run game averages over 6 yards a carry, and the Vols can’t stop anyone, either through the air or the ground. The early start and the twin horses of McFadden and Jones will help the Nuts win a shootout at Neyland.

Runnin’ Hog Wild 38

No ground defense for the Vol Navy 34

Kentucky @ Vanderbilt (+3.5), 2

CB

Zzzz, huh? What? My bad, I just realized I don’t give a shit about this game in any capacity. Kentucky really needed the bye week, that MSU didn’t need, after losing 3 out of 4 in some really tough games. Vandy didn’t have the luxury of a week off even though they certainly played like it was one. The Gators have played and destroyed both of these teams so I feel I should have some ability to call this game, and so if the Cats play anywhere like they have played most of the season they should win this game hands down. The Commodores’ Earl Bennett may be the “best receiver in SEC history” but he played like junk last week, I hope it’s a trend. Oh yea, nice loss for the UK basketball team on Wednesday night HAHA!

Kensucky 31

Vande´ 20

EGM

Vandy looked like a pile of steaming hippo shit last week. I’d love to praise the Gators defense for that win (and they did look good) but the Doremats looked terrible on defense and pretty lethargic on offense. Seriously, what the fuck happened to Chris Nickson? Vandy picked the wrong time to play shitty defense. KY will use their sorry secondary and blow the doors off that line. Woodson may throw for 500.

Pissing in the library 38

Crying in the library 24

ML

Man…talk about a free fall. UK lost 2 out of 3 at home and needed this bye to re-calibrate their expectations. They still have an outside chance at the SEC East title and need this W over Vandy. At least their loss to MSU was overshadowed by the hoops team losing to Gardner Webb at Rupp Arena. How does that happen? Vandy was smoked by the Gators, and their QBs looked like shit. A week off and Andre Woodson spell an easy cover for the Cats.

Ken-sucky again? 28

Not against Vandy 17

Auburn @ Georgia (-2), 3:30

CB

Someone once told me that, for most teams, playing at home in this league is an automatic 3 points in your favor before the spread is announced. That being said, with UGA only giving 2 points it shows that Auburn is the better team. We already saw earlier in the year that the Dawgs don’t necessarily play THAT much better at home with the Gamecock loss, and that Auburn isn’t intimidated even by the best crowd in the country. I like the Tigers here, they’ve been playing tougher ever since those two (what now look like “anomaly”) losses early on and I am certainly not convinced that Jawga can stop anyone’s offense.

Awburn 22

Daggs 21

EGM

The oldest rivalry in the South…allegedly. Both teams feature smoking hot women and guys who love Eddie Bauer Explorers with kayaks on top. They also feature similar styles of offense where they love to run the ball first to set up the play action pass. Auburn’s defense is for real while UGA’s is sketch. However, the Dawgs have the better offense and the hottest player in the SEC, Knowshon “Mr Magic” Moreno. Auburn lost a heartbreaker against LSU earlier this season, they will get their mojo back with a big win over the Dawgs. BranDONE Cox will somehow get it done despite having a small skill set and a penchant for lying in the fetal position.

We hate magic…and bars 24

Three way tie? 20

ML

The oldest rivalry in the south….whooooooooooo…..where phoney SEC class reaches its apex. Both these teams offenses are equally ranked, and both ESPN.com and CBS Sportsline absolutely refuse to show Team defensive statistics. Man…that would really put out some fucking douchebag programmer. The key to this game is stopping Knowshon. I think Auburn can, and as long as Brandon Cox doesn’t revert to his September form, they will.

Run-stopping Plainsmen 21

Know-shon needs help 17

Florida @ South Carolina (+6.5), 7:45

CB

This game would be very important if just the outcome was at stake. A loss for the Gators would be our 4^th of the year, and that would make for a very depressing year. But if everything goes as planned during the day, a loss at night would be devastating. However, I’m gonna try and think positive. First of all, USC has to be reeling after, A) losing at home to Vandy who sucks; B) losing in heart-breaking fashion at UT; and 3) being completely humiliated in Arkansas. The Gators are coming off a much needed trouncing of the ‘Dores that was made responsible by a strong defensive showing, the likes of which we haven’t seen since circa week 3. I’m further not convinced that the Gamecock defense is up to the challenge of stopping the Gator offense, which btw is red-hot, so if this game somehow is a bit higher scoring on both ends, I like UF’s chances. However, it appears the Gator D has turned a corner and is ready to bury another sub par opponent. Hold onto your cocks.

FLORIDA 37

USCocks 14

EGM

Did Steve Spurrier ever coach for the Gators? According to Cuzzin’ Bailey he did not, but after reading the web all week, it’s a wonder they don’t postpone this game in order to talk it up some more. Here’s the deal, Spur-Dog is awesome, Click-Clack and all that shit but he’s the enemy on Saturday and his team has a glaring weakness. They can’t stop the run. I have to believe Urbo will exploit that. On the flip side, the Gators can’t stop the pass or the run for that matter, so I expect Spur-Dog to exploit that until Charlie Strong/Greg Mattison start blitzing Joe Lee Dunn Style. Ol’ Chris Smelley and/or Blake Mitchell won’t handle the pressure leading to an easy win (the sooner the blitzing, the sooner the lead starts).

Major Wright 31

Captain Munnerlyn 21

ML

This is the game which will determine whether or not UF can begin putting Spurrier behind them. We lost in year 1, needed a miracle in Year 2, and find the Cocks ailing after three consecutive losses. This is a MUST WIN for Urban & Co. The sooner we can string together convincing victories over the OBC, the sooner we stop talking about this. The next time I want Spurrier to be a headline is when we name the field after him in about 6 years. I’d be more worried about this game, but it looks like we’ve finally figured out it’s a good idea to get the ball to Percy 20 times a game. Bubba is back, and Kyle Jackson may be put on the bench.

Major, heal thy thumb 35

Check out Group Therapy 20

Louisiana Tech @ LSU (-36), 8

CB

Big time game for a big time team. You can’t spell lucky without L S U. Well I suppose technically you can, but you get my point. They won’t need any bullshit voodoo this weekend to come out with a win, but I just doubt they are gonna go up 36 after another squeaker. Time to let the backups fuck around for a little bit.

La Tech 10

LSU 40

EGM

The Lady Techsters are in deep shit. The 36 will likely be covered in the first half.

We love girls basketball! 3

Kings of the Pelican State 56

ML

Is it me or is LSU a more talented version of the 1998 Vols? Serendipity seems to follow these Cajuns and their white-cap cladded coach. Early Doucet made some huge plays in the 2^nd half, and Matt Flynn came clutch once again. Serendipity can take a vacation this week. La Tech’s coach is a former LSU assistant, and LSU struggled to cover a big spread against their last state “rival,” so I will take the points

Techsters 10

Relaxing Cajuns 40

Ole Miss – OFF

CB

They could have used this bye week to re-group about 8 weeks ago.

EGM

Chances of going winless in the SEC – better than average.

ML

Well earned rest after the hard fought victory over Northwestern State….

Non-SEC GOTW Suggestions

USC @ California (+4), 8

CB

USC-west’s season hasn’t exactly gone according to plans either this year, and Cal, which like everybody else controlled their own destiny in the 2 slot in the polls, had a serious “season-ending” skid throughout the month of October. I wasn’t totally convinced that the Golden Bears being 4 point home underdogs was warranted at first. But the more I have been reading, the more I realize that losing to THE team that lost to Notre Dame this year is unforgivable. I like the Trojans in this game (even though its pretty clear the players don’t use ‘em), and I like a lot more than 4 lousy points.

USC 30

CAL 20

EGM

The Non-SEC GOTW has been loaded with Pac Ten matchups of late. Cuzzin’ Bailey just can’t handle it. It just takes too much time to check out what’s going on out West. Cal is wounded and USC is starting to get healthy. That spells bad things for the Golden Bears. I wonder how many times the camera will cut to that shiteating hippie in the tree. Get over it dude, you go to a pinko school but they still want to cut down a tree every now and then. You’ll get over it, just smoke your brains out for a couple weeks and jam out to the Phish box set. Meanwhile, the Trojans will be back in LA with an easy cover.

Like LA, man 31

Like Berkeley, man 17

ML

What a difference a month makes. Both these teams were in the top 3 and this was circled as “THE GAME” of the year. Now they both look like mediocre teams. The only thing that interests me about this game is whether or not those hippies that live in the trees get killed. Personally, I’m rooting for death.

Condoms you buy in a gas station coin machine 20

Hippies 14