Thursday, September 11, 2008

Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2008 Week III

Cuzzin’ Bailey
You may have noticed that the Gator game was especially loud last week. Whether its accurate or not, I am going to take full credit on that one. Anyone who talked to me after the game noticed 2 things. First, I was probably still pretty drunk from the all day nightmare tailgate, no eat, drink-fest. And secondly, my voice was gone, and I’m not talking “Johnny’s got a hoarse throat let’s give him a lozenge,” a Ricola © would have melted at the “sight” of my throat. I’m probably gonna need that Gayle Sierens, scream too much, surgery when I’m older. (Sorry for the obscure local newscaster reference, I’m on a deadline here). Anyways, thank God the Gators are off this week to give my voice a little break, but not thank God cause the only game that was supposed to be exciting opened up with a double digit spread.

El Gran Mono
Last week’s games proved to be as craptacular as everyone thought. We did learn that Miami has a pretty good defense or possibly that Florida’s offense may be a little overrated. However, neither of those conclusions is very surprising. Most of the college football media tend to blow everything out of proportion. I guess that’s their job and it makes them feel edgy, almost as edgy as Cuzzin Bailey before his first law school exam. I’d give up the picks title to have those few days on video tape. I digress, USC-Ohio State looks to be the game of the century…hmm, that’s what the media is saying so I’ll bet its more of a defensive struggle than anyone thinks. USC is very good, but beating UVA didn’t tell us anything. Will Ohio State prove unworthy of a top matchup again? I’m betting so.

Malt Licker
Gators are off, so we can all rest for a week before the clash against the Vols in K-ville. Hopefully by then the sound of the whines from Coral Gables will subside. It’s another piss poor slate of SEC games. Fortunately, there is one major marquee matchup Saturday night as the Buckeyes look to get embarrassed by another talented team from outside the midwest.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Kansas @ South Florida (-3.5), 9
USF would love to have another magical Friday night win against a top team. Unfortunately, they are not playing a team from the Big Least. Kansas is a very good team with an excellent quarterback. The Bulls are a decent team with a wannabe QB who panics like a scared rabbit. I can see Leavitt banging his head into a concrete wall after this one. Sadly, the wall has a higher IQ than him.

Rock Chalk 28
Bullz 17

Kansas 27
USF 28

Jayhawks 34
Bulls 17

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Rice @ Vanderbilt (-7), 12:30
It’s the battle of southern smart schools, and Duke isn’t involved!!! The Owls might have to move to Nashville after Ike gets finished with Houston. Vandy is coming off one of their biggest wins, and look to build on that and go 3-0. Rice is undefeated as well, and sports a powerful offense. Chase Clement and his porn stache are worth at least 2 touchdowns alone. Vandy is known for following up their rare notable victories with inexplicable losses. The trend will continue.

Hooters 33
‘Dores 31

Rice 20
Vandy 29

Owlz 10
Commodores 21

Auburn @ Mississippi State (+10.5), 12:30
Ol’ Sly Croom pulled the wool over TT’’s eyes last year. That doesn’t happen twice in row. Even Auburn “experimenting” with the spread offense and a new QB won’t stop the Tub’s wrath. Starkville is the place every Plainsmen dreams about, a place with less bars than Auburn. That’s no easy feat my friends. Miss State has no chance against Auburn’s stud defense. This one will be low scoring but I’ll still take the ten and a hook.

Tigerz 21
Dawgz 3

Auburn 27
Miss St 15

Plainzzzzzzmen 26
Minimal Cowbell 13

Western Kentucky @ Alabama (-28), 2
I believe I was the only one last week to realize that Bama has a tendency to play down to their competition. They needed an 87 yard punt return to eke out a two-TD win in the battle of aquatic phenomena. The Hilltoppers are a “transitional 1A team” as they ease their way into the Sun Belt. They have 12 consecutive winning seasons, but they are stepping up to play with the big boys. Can you believe ‘Bama is ranked 11? I can’t wait until this time next month when they have 2 losses.

Red Grimace Mascot 10
Crimson Pachy Mascot 35

Bama 44

Hilltoppers 10
Bama 42

Arkansas @ Texas (-24), PPD

Georgia @ South Carolina (+7), 3:30
Its hard to be surprised at this line. Not to say that UGA isn’t the better team of course, but this Spurrier run Cock team tends to play the Dawgs, at the very least, marginally well and in fact last year, USC won in Athens! I guess this is a better Jawga team as its hard to imagine the same team with the same players getting worse after having a really great year, and there’s no doubt that the Cocks offense is freaking terrible, but a couple of lucky plays and some great defense could make this closer than Bulldog fans would like.

UGA 24
USC 16

#1? 14
Cocks 17

Blowshon his knee out 19
Keep down the INTs! 13

Middle Tennessee @ Kentucky (-16.5), 6
The Blue Raiders put the screws to ACC powerhouse Maryland last week. I guess I should be impressed. KY really whooped up on Louisville but I don’t know what to make of that. I know that Rich Brooks is a great rebuilder and he’s always rebuilding. So I think I’ll lay the points.

Raidaz 7
Cats 35

UK 30

Murf’s finest 13
Kats 29

Samford @ Ole Miss (NL)
Ole Miss came oh so close last week against the probably the ACC’s favorite right now. The game last week should really make some teams nervous in the SEC and that is one of the reasons why I am very happy the Rebs have to travel to Gainesville this year. Another team that should be skurrt that Mississippi is on the rise with their new psycho Head Coach is Samford. This game is gonna be a ridiculous blow out and all will be well in Oxford.

Samford 10
Ole Miss 52

Bullpups 7
Rebs 49

Cumberland School of Law 5
Harvard of my Ass 33

UAB @ Tennessee (-30), 7
This is a good warm up game for the Vols knowing that they are gonna have to give it their all next week against the Gators. Tennessee hasn’t played since losing to an overmatched UCLA team opening weekend. That one had the potential to be a statement game by going out to the Left Coast and killing some of the hype of Rick Neuheisel’s return, but instead a botched field goal in OT and its back to the drawing board. Personally I love how UT had a bye last week. They got to mope around for an entire week wondering what could have been and what should have been and practiced their asses off all last week for nothing. Now all their hard work and they get to face an opponent who’s 0-2 and looking really shitty this year. I like the Vols big this week as they’ll try and prove to the country they aren’t a total joke, and the country will probably buy that, at least for a week.

UAB 12
UT 41

Blazers 7
Vols 35

Blaze the blizzunt 3
Phil cant eat weed 31

North Texas @ LSU (-41), 8
Good lord, the Mean Green have allowed 500 yards and 50 points in each of their first two games. The boys from Denton, TX face a well-rested and no doubt anxious group of Cajuns, who may cover the spread in the first half alone. They are horrible, were 2-10 last year and lost to FIU.

Try to play Mean Joe 2
Wind blown Bengals 60

NT 3
LSU 50

Mean Green 3
Cajuns 49

Florida – OPEN
Kind of a boner move to pick UF this week, but at least I get to talk about what a great time I had last weekend tailgating before the 8pm (7 central) kickoff at the Swamp. There was all sorts of drinking and BS’ing going on with the Malt Licker and the guest Bourbon Boy The Dinner Cruise Gambler. To be entirely honest, the first half was kind of a blur. Not cause I had too much to drink, but well, I mean I’m sure that had something to do with it, but cause with all the punting it seemed to fly by. Thankfully the second half was slowed up around the beginning of the 4th when the Gators finally poured it on the Canes. And then came the real embarrassing moment of the weekend. No, I’m not talking about how I slept in my car and my back was killing me (hell its still killing me). I’m referring to the Co-Canes coach Shannon talking smack about Urb. Ya just don’t do that Randy. If you don’t want him scoring on you, then tell your players to stop’em til the horn sounds. You can try and get us back in 5 years or whatever, if you’re still the HC, which I have my doubts about.

Ohio State at Southern California (-10.5),
Ooooooooooooh the Collision in the Coliseum!!!! I’m so excited!!!! Capt. Sweatervest announced that his only offensive weapon is doubtful. Unless Tyrelle Pryor is the greatest thing ever, this won’t be close. Mr. Carroll and his perfectly cuaffed grey locks will have that cocky grin working by the middle of the 3rd quarter. This will not be pretty.

Suckeyes 6
Men of Troy 33

OSU 20
USC 33

Buckeyes 13
Trojans 24

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