Malt Licker
If only I wagered exclusively on Gators games, I’d be at 100%. I had no worries going into the UT game, and from the opening kickoff, no worries turned into absolutely no worries. It was tremendous seeing phat phil stomp around like an oversized angry toddler. It was even better watching a sea of puke orange evacuate Neyland like a hurricane was coming. The Auburn/LSU game was entertaining as always, although much more high-scoring than I envisioned. I believe Bowden and F$U should write DC and try to get one of these bailouts the Fed seems to be handing out like candy.
Cuzzin’ Bailey
Big time win last week! The Vuls fans were outtie 5000 circa the end of the 3rd quarter, and let me tell you, HD makes your fan base’s allegiance look that much classier! On a side note that doesn’t involve college football (the horror), the Rays will hopefully have clinched the AL East by the time you read this! Anyways, great weekend of sports last week with the Rays getting in the playoffs, the USA defeating the scumbag Euro-trash in the Ryder Cup and the Bucs playing a little pitch and catch to defeat da’ Bearsss up in Chi-cah-go. Anyways, FSU lost, and I’m ready to hand them the “throwing in the towel” towel for this season. No offense for the Wake Skanks, but FSU could have and UF would have scored like 30 on the Deacs last weekend. That game was sloppy. Well this weekend the Mighty Gators are back at home for a little southern cooking. The Ole Miss Rebs with their new coach come to the Swamp to see just how good (or shitty) Jevan Snead really is…
El Gran Mono
Last week I was called out for various predictions that were deemed to be too harsh and overly critical by a few of the readers. As a disciple of change with hope for a better future I will scrap the tired moniker of the last six years and become…Mr. Positive.
Ole Miss at Florida (-23), 12:30
CB
I’ve been reading Gatorsports all week long and they have been trying to scare me into thinking that just cause the Rebels have Snead and Nutt they should be considered legitimate. Let me tell you, Ole Miss is like the Clemson of the SEC. It seems like folks always want them to BE good, after all they gave us Archie and Eli, and yet it never seems to pan out. Albeit, considering we have dropped 2 of the last 3 to the Rebels, they have a little room to talk, but that was under shitforbrains Ron Zook. And I still to THIS DAY believe that the ineligible receiver down field call at the end of the 02 game was total horseshit. Oh man I just realized that game was on my birthday, well fucking happy birthday to me huh? Anyways, I believe that Snead is probably special and that the Malt Licker would juggle Houston’s Nutts if offered, but I’m liking Urban ball version 2008, (a little special teams here, a lotta defense there, and some outstanding offensive talent). I’m sure at some point it will be close, but the boys from Old Florida will have this in the bag by halftime (with a few picks) and the media’s gonna tell me how boring it is to win without crazy highlights. I’ll take the wins, and since I’ll be there this weekend it will be extra sweet. GO GATORS!
MISS that pass 13
GATORS! 37
ML
Tuna's Favorite 10
Gators 34
EGM
Rebs 10
Gators 31
Tennessee at Auburn (-6), 3:30
EGM
Both of these schools love football. Even though they both lost last week, they are really excited to play this week. Competition is tons of fun. Tennessee will be bringing a very spry young puppy named Smokey to be their good luck charm. Auburn likes their team so much they have three different good luck names. They also have a quaint town with lots of tea shops and places with good cookies. I LOVE COOKIES!!
Auburn’s QB is an excellent young man who loves to throw the football. Even though he doesn’t throw well all the time, he still loves to play so much that he can’t stop throwing. Tennessee’s QB is full of spunk and self confidence. He’ll be a great real estate guy someday like Heath Shuler (maybe even a Congressman). Its so hard to pick winners and losers when you are having this much fun. I have a feeling the Auburn running back will have a super day though because the Volunteer lineman will be having fun with Auburn’s lineman. Can I play too!
Vols 17
Tigers 21
ML
Orange Evacuees 14
Plainzzzmen 19
CB
Next Stop on the Bandwagon, 17
AUBURN, AL 22
Arkansas at Texas (-27), 3:30
CB
This game got postponed due to Tropical Storm so and so…man, I wish I had picked this game two weeks ago. This was boner move. At least a few weeks back I would have been a bit more delusional to how much Psuedo-Kansas sucks! Just how much they blow would have been very, very useful information last week when I (embarrassed shrug) picked them to cover the line last weekend hosting Bama. To all you Tide fans out there, I apologize. That was really stupid. Anyways, it looks like Colt McCoy, (badass name btw) is having a pretty baller year right now, averaging 60 on the ground and passing pretty well and it looks like Bobby Petrino has no idea how to coach defense anymore so I’m going with Tejas big, 27 big? Maybe
Ark 10
Tex 35
ML
Fried Pork 13
Bevo Burger 44
EGM
Hawgs 13
Tejas 42
Western Kentucky at Kentucky (-22), 7
CB
A rivalry unlike any other! The Battle of the Bluegrass State! The Mighty Hilltoppers of Bowling Green …alright that’s enough. The odds are yall didn’t have Keith Jackson’s voice in your head when you were reading it like I did so that’s going nowhere. WKU has some tradition I suppose, in the NCAA tourney they are one of the 12 seeds I traditionally pick to upset a 5! The campus, “located atop one of the highest points in Southcentral Kentucky”…did you get that, not THE highest point in S.Central Ky, but ONE OF THE. That is impressive. Kensucky is coming off a strong bye week. I presume they won. Anyways, judging by this spread I’m guessing the Hilltoppers suck at football and I’m just gonna roll with that assumption. Go ‘Cats.
A Moderately High Point in Kentucky 12
The Klass of the Kentucky Kommunity (whoa, that was unintentional) 34
ML
Pillpoppers 10
Whiskas 35
EGM
Hilltoppers 10
Wildcats 28
UAB at South Carolina (-24.5), 7
EGM
UAB will love Columbia. It’s a great town with a heart of gold. If they are staying at the Holidome, then I highly recommend a couple games of putt-putt followed by a few cold drinks in the hot tub. You can even swim from the indoor pool to the outdoor pool. What a great time!
The Gamecocks haven’t had a great time playing against the other schools this year. But they are really excited to have the chance to play against the Blazers. What a fun mascot they have! UAB has so much fun playing they really don’t care about the score. Its also doubly hard for them to play on the road, they miss Birmingham so much its hard not to think about it during the game. Steve Spurrier is a very fun coach and I’m guessing he’ll have a lot of fun playing in this game.
Blazers 7
Gamecocks 38
ML
Blazin’ 10
12.5 points would be too much 21
CB
UAB 17
USC 40
Mississippi State at Louisiana State (-24), 7:30
EGM
Miss State is just living the dream this year. Its like they are touring around celebrating last season’s successes every game. They must be having a lot of fun. They played against Georgia Tech last week and had a bunch of offensive yards but decided to give the ball to Georgia Tech a few times just to be nice. They really liked watching the Wing T offense in action. Who doesn’t right? It was really disappointing that we missed that game while drinking beers at Calhoun’s. Luckily, in two years we will have a boat just like those fun Tennessee fans. I’m sure they will welcome us with open arms!
LSU had a great win against another team called the Tigers. That must have been confusing. LOL! I’m sure it wasn’t a big deal because they were having such great time playing on such a beautiful night. In fact, it was such a beautiful night that one of LSU’s QBs took the entire second half off to look at the stars. His best friend decided to play QB the rest of the game and have a great time by throwing the ball all over the place. What a win-win situation! The Bulldogs will have a great time celebrating their bowl season in Baton Rouge, its such a wonderful city full of cosmopolitan people and great sites to see. However, since they come from Starkville, its really hard leave such a beautiful place.
Bulldogs 3
Tiger 49
ML
Croom death watch? 3
CoonAss Cajuns 35
CB
MSU 4
LSU 34
Alabama at Georgia (-7), 7:45
ML
Game of the week in the SEC!!! Black out in Athens!!!! Satan v. the Prick!!!! I heard a coach for the Tide said that Georgia fans are going to a funeral, so the black is apropos. I love the confidence, although I’m not sure Bama can pull this off, although I’d love to see it. The Tide has looked pretty strong through the first month of football, and, other than Knowshon, the Dawgs offense looks pretty pedestrian. Seven points is WAAAAY too much to lay, I say the Dawgs win, but not by much.
Crimson Faggots 13
Athens Assholes 17
CB
BAMA 23
JAWGA 21
EGM
Tide 10
Dawgs 13
Vanderbilt – OFF
ML
Holy shit!!! They really are Vandyfeated. The question is, do their students even care? The Dores have a week off to prepare for the Plainsmen, who will be coming off two consecutive tough battles. Can you say 5 and 0????
Purdue at Notre Dame (-1.5), 12:30
ML
Notre Dame cannot run the ball, as they are 112th in the nation on the ground. Painter and Jimmy Clowson, whose hair is so ridiculous he looks like he should be a right wing for the Portuguese futbol team. Seriously, he looks like he had the same hairdresser as Tom Hanks in the Davinci Code. Anyway, Notre Dame being unable to run the ball may be a sign that the Opus Dei has taken control of the church. Anyway, in honor of my Dad I’ll pick the Irish, behind some big plays from Golden Tate (great name by the way).
SeaBass’ drink of choice 20
Passing Irish 24
CB
Purdon’t 20
ND 22
EGM
Boilermakers 13
Irish 10
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