Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week IV

Cuzzin Bailey
This is a great week for College Football. Our selections involve 3 of the plethora of National Championship scenarios that exist as of last weekend. If Bama loses, that could also spell trouble for UF no matter what happens this weekend or in the SECCG. If UF loses to the Noles this weekend, then Bama’s possibilities remain unchanged, but UF has no shot at the NC game. Oklahoma is looking to win, force a three way tie, and leave their fate in the hands of the voters. Texas may get bypassed even with the win over OU in the Red River Rivalry a few weeks ago. Sucks if that happens. You know what else sucks? An all Big 12 national championship game…it could happen sports fans. But now that let’s go to the Home Depot UF/FSU quick points…UF is flying high, and FSU is coming off a huge win. Since when did beating Maryland constitute a “huge win”? Well, ever since the Noles have become marginalized. If FSU plays the best they’ve played all year, and we play half as good as we can, this will just be a 2 score game in favor of the Good Guys…

El Gran Mono
Rivalry Week, doesn’t get any better than that. The week itself says one thing to me: UF-FSU. I’ve been to a bunch of these games but I have never been to a Gator W at Joke Shamble. I guess that’s a good that I’m not going because people have accused me of fucking things up on that note. Perhaps the scene of friends and family at Tommy M’s is the way to go. I imagine that’s always the way to go. Let’s do it…

Malt Licker
Gobble Gobble!!! It looks like it is a fight for second place between me and the Monkey. Cuz’ has run away with the title. I can’t believe another regular season is almost in the books. Football season flies by. We actually have some decent games after last week’s snooze-fest. The Gators travel up to and west on I10 to Tallacrappy to take on the hated Noles. There are rumors that Bubby will announce that this is his last game at Ron Zook Field. Normally this would make me worried, but after witnessing his latest oral presentation skills (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIn17ufE7ZM), not so much!!!!

Mississippi State at Ole Miss (-13.5) 12:30
ML
The Battle of the GOLDEN EGG!!! This may be my favorite of all “rivalry games.” Could there be a bigger contrast between the two fan bases? Ole Miss fans are prim and proper, fancy themselves as the Hah-vud of the South. Whereas MSU fans are unapologetic rednecks. In 1926 the former MSU (Mississippi A&M) had been dominating the series, but a 7-6 Ole Miss victory led to some of their fans rushing the field and trying to tear down the goal posts. A&M fans “didn’t take too kindly” and a fight broke out. Some A&M fans defended the goal posts with wooden chairs, and several injuries were reported. The students, in genteel fashion, vowed that this would never happen again, and thus was born the “Golden Egg.” It was designed to cool the heat of battle and replace goalposts as the winners’ reward. It took the shape of the older form of the football, which closely resembles today’s rugby ball, or an egg. I predict that most readers will find the story of the birth of the Golden Egg much more interesting than this game, I know I will

A&M 10
Goalpost Vandals 27

CB
Miss State 13
Ole Miss 34

LSU at Arkansas (+5), 3:30 –
CB
WOOOHOOO! Big game folks, the real question that’s on everybody’s mind this week is, how many pick 6s will Jarrett Lee throw this weekend?? On second thought, a better question is, will he even start? I wish this were more like the NFL in that we would totally know who is starting this weekend. LSU’s back up back up started out strong last weekend against Ole Miss but quickly showed his stripes (get it, he’s a “tiger”)…ugh God that was terrible. Anyways, Arkansas lost to Miss State last weekend, they clearly blow…the question will be who will play worse and let the other team hang around…

LSoosers 30
Ahkansah 20

EGM
Cajuns 24
Backs 20

ML
Kitties 27
Piggies 21

Georgia Tech at Georgia (-8), 12
EGM
Good Ol Fashioned Hate. Does anyone that likes Georgia actually read this blog? Lot of hate, lot of shit talk. And from the there it only gets worse. Shane Shitty Hair is going pro. Knowhson going pro. Bad news dog fans. Can you even name the backup QB? Earlier this year I was rightfully criticized for hammering Ga Tech’s wing T. Johnson is a stud coach and he’ll stick to his guns in this game. Unfortunately, Tech’s D is gonna have a tough time stopping Shane/Knowshon’s last chance. I’ll take the points though and bet on Richt spending too much time in the tanning booth this week.

Ramblin’ Wreck 21
Jawja 28

CB
Tech 23
UGA 32

ML
Engineers 23
Queers 29

South Carolina at Clemson (-1), 12
CB
Spurrier called this the most important game of the season. He has to say that cause he got drilled by UF two week ago. Plus this is the only game that the Gamecocks had to win every year to appease all the stock Carolina idiots who only care about beating their in-state rivals…kinda like FSU fans these days!

USCe 31
Clemzin 18

EGM
Cocks 21
Tiggers 14

ML
South Carolina Spurriers 23
Clemson Dabos 20

Auburn at Alabama (-14), 3:30
ML
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarn Bowl!!!! The Plainsmen currently carry a 6 game winning streak and an awful record into this week’s Iron Bowl. The Tide roll in as the #1 ranked team in the nation for the first time in a long time. During the Bear heyday Bama managed to reel off 9 in a row, and desperately need to snap Auburn’s winning streak to stay in the hunt for a national title. On paper, this should be a mismatch. Auburn’s quarterback play has been awful all year. Who would have thought they’d be longing for Brandon Cox. As an aside and an illustration of how old I now feel. I remember being 5 or 6 years old and my uncle, a former bama football player, replaying the famous game winning field goal by Van Tiffin. Now his son is the current kicker for the Tide. They won’t need him to win whis game

Aubarn 6
Yellow Hamma 31

CB
Burn 18
Bama 30

EGM
Plains 13
Mountains 10

Florida at Florida State (+15.5), 3:30
EGM
Hate. That’s what I feel when talking about FSU. They are the at the end of the bottomless pit in which people dump endless tons of shit. In other words, fuck them.
FSU’s defense is extremely underrated and UF has the weapons to take care of that. If you watched last year’s game. Expect a lot of the same thing. Tebow going nuts. Percy blowing up. FSU sucking. How’s five in a row sound, bitch?

Studs 41
Duds 13

CB
GATORS! 42
Criminoles! 20

ML
Keep it rolling 35
Enjoy the Gator Bowl 14

Kentucky at Tennessee (-4), 6:30
CB
I was right about Phil last week. I had a feeling that no matter how awful UT was, there was NO way they were gonna lose to Vandy. And I was right. Do I feel the same this week? Are the Vols just shitty enough to lose to the other perennially shit box team after surprising two of the three bourbon boys? I say, NO. Of course it’ll be close…If I were a betting man I would stay away…

Kensucky 23
UTsucks 28

EGM
KY 14
UT 24

ML
Kats 20
Vawlz 25

Vanderbilt at Wake Forest (-4), 7
EGM
Both of these teams were absolutely terrible years ago and now they are pretty decent. They work similar systems of gimmick defenses, short passing and smart QBs. I’d love to say that the SEC is VASTLY superior in this instance but that is not the case. Wake Forest is a damn good team and well coached. I like there chances at home but not by 4.

Vandy 14
Deacs 17

CB
Schmanderbilt 21
Wake Skanks 19

ML
Commo-snores 20
Deacs 21

Oklahoma at Oklahoma State (+7.5), 8
ML
Do the Sooners “have a plan” for victory at Boone Pickens Stadium? Stoops says he is done lobbying re the BCS. The best argument is to keep destroying the opposition. It’s what the Gators are doing. The Bedlam Series is a contest across all sports between the two schools. In football OU dominates by a margin of 79-16-7. Take heart OSU fans, you dominate in wrestling, which no one cares about.

Land Stealing Cheats 38
I’m a man!!!!!!!!! 30

CB
OU 43
Okie State 29

EGM
Sooners 24
Cowboys 28