Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week XIII

Malt Licker
Good lord, I haven’t seen cocks abused like that since I was in Lorena Bobbitt’s bedroom. Oh wait, that wasn’t me, nevermind. Our Gators are looking so good it is scary. In fact, I am hoping for a letdown this week against the mighty Citadel. Maybe we’ll only win by 50. It was great making the trek up to Gville for my last home game of the season. Time flies so fast. A lackluster slate of games this week, as half the conference is taking the week off.

El Gran Mono
Not a lot going on in college football this week outside of Tejas Tech-Oklahoma and lethargy has attacked the Bourbon Boys. Lack of “reply all” emails has caused internal strife. As usual, I am to blame but I’m sure its nothing a few hundred Coors Lights over Thanksgiving break can’t cure. Here come the myriad of off weeks and crapbag games.

Cuzzin Bailey
Last weekend seems so long ago. Its like all I hear now is how lame the Gators are for scheduling the Citadel, and how its an embarrassment and “how can they get away with that shit?” Its hilarious how quickly people forget how great UF is playing and how half of them think we are the best team. How no one remembers that we played MIAMI in the second week of the season. I hate those people. Of course personally I find it stupid that we are play the Citadel, but I can say what I want about my team cause I really care about them (the “only you can talk shit about your family” rule), professional talking heads are stupid. Oh yea, almost Thanksgiving. But then exam time…yikes.

Tennessee at Vanderbilt (-3), 12:30
CB
Vanderbilt is favored this week. Stop the fucking presses. This is the kind of scenario that would happen in Bizzaro world. Vandy is finally bowl eligible, first time since 1982, and the Vols have no shot. It would absolutely absurd of me to not pick the ‘Dores. Right? I mean its clear that Phat Phil is content on mailing it in the rest of the year, so he can live the good life of sitting around eating McRibwiches talking about how he got screwed mumbling to himself how he should have beaten Spurrier one more time HAHA. Sorry that’s actually pretty sad. Poor bastard. Anyways, as I said, its pretty certain that the Vols don’t stand a chance to Vandy…right?

UT-sucks…its official 18
Vandy no longer the “dore-mats” 20

ML
Dead pumpkin walking 13
Bowled over 30

EGM
Vols 10
Commodes 20

Citadel at Florida (NL), 1:30
CB
How DARE we schedule a team like the Citadel? You know what? Who the hell cares? If the Gators win our next three games then no one’s gonna remember who we played the week before we trounced FSU and then showed Bama something have yet to see so far this year. Of course they probably have a better defense than we’ve seen…you know what? I’m doing it, I’m looking ahead, against Coach’s orders…I think that’s a pretty safe move this week. I’m just glad there isn’t a line so I don’t have to determine how much we are going to destroy them by…I’m sure the Bulldogs are just going to be anxious to get their half a mill, and bounce out of Gainesville.

Check Please 7
Here’s Your Check, and your ass beating 60

ML
Military College of South Carolina 0
Pillagers of Gainesville Florida 55

EGM
Bulldogs 0
Gators 63

Ole Miss at LSU (-3.5), 3:30
EGM
LSU almost lost to Troy. Their QB has thrown 7 pick sixes and has hair like your typical Ole Miss Epsilon semi-moron. Their defense can’t stop the pass. But they do know how to get hammered before a game. So they got that going for them. The Rebs have a pretty decent passing attack but like most of the season, they will lose in another heartbreaker. Does a person get any comfort after leaving Louisiana and heading into Mississippi? Or is that the moment when you finally decide to kill yourself?

Rebs 20
Cajuns 21

CB
Eauxle Miss 20
LSU 22

ML
Rebz 13
INT for TD U 23

Arkansas at Mississippi State (+1.5), 2:30
ML
Jeez, you’d think if you had to live in Fayetteville, you’d be excited about getting out of town for a road trip; until you find out that trip will take you to Starkvegas, the bar-less land of hell. Is Arkansas worthy of being a road favorite? I highly doubt it. I don’t care enough about this game to look into it further, take the points

Pork 20
Cowbell 23

CB
Not as good as Kansas 23
Crap of the West 22

EGM
Hogs 21
Dawgs 17


South Carolina - OFF
CB
Spur-dawg suffered his worst lost ever last weekend. The opponent was the team that he made relevant and a household name. Tastes sweet doesn’t it? I love SOS for making UF what it is today, but while he’s coaching a rival I the SEC East, it makes me angry and confused. Why did he come back to the SEC? I still haven’t figured that out yet. FOUR YEARS LATER! Why not the ACC? Hey even the people we love make d-bag moves…

Auburn – OFF
EGM
Very little drinking.

Georgia – OFF
EGM
14 days of the tanning booth for Mark Richt with no game interruptions.

Alabama – OFF
ML
Enjoy your 2nd to last weekend as #1 Tide, it will all come crashing down in Atlanta. If any of our readers happen to be planning to go to Atlanta, look for me at Gibney’s Pub, if you mention the Bourbon Boys I’ll buy you a shot.

Kentucky – OFF
ML
Billie Gillispie might need some Ky if he keeps losing to Buttfuck U

Tejas Tech at Oklahoma (-7), 8
ML
This is going to be quite a show. Can Stoop and the Sooners stifle the West Texas Pirates? Michael Crabtree is a sick specimen and a lock to grab 3 TDs this week. Sam Bradford looks like….a troll? Or is it an Elf? I’m not sure, but I think his ilk are covered in detail by J.R.R. Tolkien. I honestly think one of 3 things can happen. OU blows out Tech, Tech edges out OU, or OU edges out Tech. Take the points…

Rojo Raiders 37
Boomer Sooner 41

CB
Tex Tech 32
Okie 40

EGM
Red Raidaz 31
Sooners 28