Special Thanksgiving Week Edition!
Malt Licker
Rivalry Week!!! It’s the Iron Bowl! The Egg Bowl! Florida v. F$U! Clemson v. South Carolina! North Korea v. South Korea! Turkey v. Ham! Natalee Holloway v. Chandra Levy!
The Gators proved me wrong and beat up on Appy State to guarantee a winning season. WHOO HOO. Did you know App State actually took down the goalposts in their stadium with the expectation that their students would tear them down in the event of a win against the Gators? I’m certain that this is the only reason they lost. It had nothing to do with Johnny “I play like I just ate a huge plate of Turkey” Brantley. In fairness, Ahmad Black is such a badass he may have been able to beat App State by himself. After a bit of a snoozer this week (Mad Hatter excluded) there are a ton of interesting games this week. My Broncos from Boise face their last test before the BCS Title game, and the Tide look to end Auburn’s national title hopes before the NCAA does so retroactively.
Last week was a pretty boring week of football but this week should cure it. Tons of rivalry games and four days of football. And most importantly, no D-IAA teams. Enjoy the turkey and football.
Cuzzin Bailey
Its “hate week” all across the Country, and all throughout the SEC, with the obvious exception of Vanderbilt; and for 83.3333333333333% of the league these are the most important games of the year!! South Carolina, taking advantage of a clear down year in the SEC EAST (see what I did there, that’s called a “back-handed compliment”) plays Clemson in a pretty meaningless game to the Cocks. Auburn’s game against Bama is their most important one so far, however if they win there will be two more games in their future that’ll mean more. Speaking of Auburn my esteemed colleague, The Malt Licker, addressed their issues so well last week that there’s no point in rehashing all the details, but I just have one thing to add personally: If Newton isn’t as stupid as he is purporting himself to be, then I hope he gets whatever he has coming. He has played dumb this whole time and if comes out that he was behind or a part of this scheme from the get go, I hope he gets the serious Reggie Bush treatment (you know, making millions, shitting on his alma mater, banging a Kardashian). Either way, he HAS to be gone to the NFL, right? When the Gators face these Tigers on the road next year, we’re gonna need any advantage we can get. Anyways, as its Thanksgiving week, I just wanted to say that I have so much to be thankful for, great fiancée, great family, great friends! You can hear all about it and other insanity on Twittah at: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey
El Gran Mono
Friday, November 26, 2010
2:30pm
ML
Auburn at Alabama (-4)
Since Auburn has already clinched the division, this game is bigger nationally than it is in the SEC. Although natives to the Heart of Dixie would argue that this is the biggest game in the history of the universe, every year. Last year, these teams were in each others’ positions, with Auburn looking to shatter the dreams of the Crimson Tide. The roles are reversed this year. As I think about this game, I believe it will boil down to which squad’s defense is less sieve-ish. Both teams have been able to move the ball, but have had serious difficulty stopping people. I think this is a coin flip, but something in my stomach says Auburn’s defense will force a key late turnover to pull it out in a classic.
Auburn 34
Alabama 31
CB
Awbarn 21
Bama 24
EGM
Plainsmen 31
Tide 28
Saturday, November 27, 2010
12:21pm
ML
Kentucky at Tennessee (-3)
ZZZZZZZZZ…the Battle for the Beer Barrel could not have me less excited. The Vols have won 3 in a row this season, and 25 straight against the Cats. I don’t expect much defense and predict this game goes into at least 3 overtimes. Do you think John Wall and DeMarcus Cousins were upset when they found out they took a pay cut to go pro?
Cats 54
Vols 52
CB
Kensucky 20
Vuls 25
EGM
Wildcats 22
Vols 24
3:30pm
EGM
LSU at Arkansas (-4)
This could be the best game of the weekend. Arky’s high powered offense and LSU’s stud defense. Quietly, Ryan Mallett and Co have been putting up huge numbers and blowing teams out. It’s a possibility that they might be a BCS team if Aubie blows a few games down the stretch. As for LSU, they have BCS dreams as well and they don’t even require Auburn to lose. Petrino v Miles has a Pinky and the Brain feel to it. I’ll take Pinky.
Tigers 28
Hawgs 24
ML
Mad Hatter 31
Petrino 28
CB
Bayou Bengals 31
Arky 30
CB
Florida at Florida State (-2.5)
The epitome of Hate. My sweet little aunt told me today that if she hates one college team it is definitely Florida State. How about this: the new neighbors at my parent’s place were outside their house talking with family; as I walked out to make a phone call (I was wearing a Gators shirt), the wife yells out, “GO NOLES!” I hate this woman and will purposefully put little to no booze in their drinks tomorrow. She’s raising a real brood of future FScUm. Anyways, the Gators have had trouble stopping the run, esp with a mobile quarterback. That is basically what the Noles assert to be their bread and butter. Christian P is a marginal QB at best, but everyone coming out of Talla-CRAPPY was saying he was a heistman candidate at the beginning of the year. They were dead wrong. He has struggled mightily and their secondary reminds me of the Lost Boys…not the scary vampires led by Kiefer “Jack Bauer” Sutherland, but the wimpy followers of that pederast Peter Pan: they refuse to grow up. They have been described as “youth” for 4 years at least and they are still susceptible to a nice passing attack. Fortunately for them, so far our coaching staff has refused to acknowledge that Johnny B may not be the best option at QB. Will Urban and crew build off that dominating performance against the best team in the FCS, utilizing 3 kids taking snaps or will they “panic” again and go back to our terrible basics? I say with nothing left to lose, the pressure squarely on the Noles, the Gators open up the crazy playbook and make it apparent that if the Slimeballs from that school to the NW don’t beat us this year, it could be 5 years til they get another shot. I’m going all heart here…
FLORIDA! 24
Satan’s Minions 17
EGM
Semis 21
Gators 20
ML
UF = no offensive identity 7
F$U = some offensive identity 23
7:00pm
EGM
South Carolina at Clemson (+3)
For some reason Clemson always seems to win this game no matter the skill level of their team. This year, the Cocks are clearly superior but I just have a feeling that Clemson will start this game with a 14-0 lead. Dabo Swinney is a clown of epic proportions but perhaps you need a rally clown for rivalry games. Spur-dog will likely try to ride Lattimore to W but Clemson will force him to rely on Garcia. I don’t think the drunk QB will have what it takes in Death Valley.
Clemson 24
Cocks 21
ML
Cocks 20
Tigers 21
CB
Screw his New School 28
Clemson 27
ML
Mississippi State at Ole Miss (+2.5)
I love the Egg Bowl! The only thing that would make this cooler is a blizzard in Oxford Saturday night. These two teams each lost heartbreakers to favored opponents last week. If MSU wants to stake its claim as a “program on the rise”, they need to take care of business in Oxford. Masoli and the Rebs looked good against the Mad Hatter, but the cosmic forces surrounding the Mad Hatter guarantee that any SEC game he’s involved with will go down to the wire. It has nothing to do with how the other team plays or how talented they are. See LSU/Florida, LSU/Tennessee. I guarantee CB picks Ole Miss.
Bulldogs 24
Turkey Bears 20
CB
State 17
Ole Miss 18
EGM
Tattletales 24
Rebs 21
7:30pm
CB
Wake Forest at Vanderbilt (-5)
I have a good friend who went to Wake, but I doubt he’s gonna read this so I am just gonna take the gloves off. WHO CARES ABOUT THIS GAME! I cannot believe that Vandie is favored against anyone and if I were a Demon Deacon’s fan I would hang my head in shame for this fact alone. Nerd Bowl XIII shows Vandee with a slight 7-5 record against WF but with the Deac’s winning the last 2 in 07 and 08. Sure these teams are miles apart from where they were, but just cause Wake is down doesn’t mean that is gonna open the door for a Commodores breakthrough. I suspect this game won’t be settled until each team scores in the 20s, and watch for the winner to score late sending the ‘Dores faithful back to the library unconcerned about another loss.
Wake Skanks 31
Van Derbilt 23
EGM
Wake 14
Vandy 17
ML
ACC Nerds 13
SEC Dorks 20
7:45pm
CB
Georgia Tech at Georgia (-13)
Just looking up the history of the “Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate” and man, that is some legit hatred. I mean they have been pissed off at each other since the turn of the century (the OLD century). The only hiccups in the scheduling ended after 1925, but occurred after Tech winning streaks. Gee, I wonder which team decided “it wasn’t necessary to field a team?” It certainly appears that if the Jackets rattle off a few wins in a row, UGA will go running with its tail between its legs and determine that it isn’t important to keep this tradition alive. I mean how awful would it be if they couldn’t beat TWO of their hated rivals?!!! HAHA that would be glorious! Anyways, Georgia has certainly struggled this year, but I think its pretty clear they are not awful, and that could spell destruction for Tech. I know I hate them, but I can’t be blinded by it, especially for a game I have no feelings for. I look for the Bulldogs to win convincingly, but I think the Ramblin’ Wreck keep it close for a while.
Tech 17
Jawga 32
EGM
Tech 14
Dawgs 31
ML
Wreck 10
Dawgs 20
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC 2010 - WEEK XII
El Gran Mono
Last week was certainly a great week of football if you’re an Auburn or South Carolina fan. Unfortunately, I’m neither of those things so I’m down in the dumps trying to figure out what the NBA schedule is this Friday.
Malt Licker
Now that the Gator season is in shambles, thanks in no small part to Addazio, Mr. Mom Meyer and Johnny Brantley (nice catch dude), I’ve turned my attention to the soap opera coming out of the Plains in Alabama. This story has everything. Scumbag Supreme Bobby Lowder, the Victoryland Racino, tremendous luck by Auburn players at said Racino, Great Southern Wood, misappropriation of TARP funds, federal indictments, a crooked preacher (Cam’s Dad), the best player in the country and Joe Schad’s receding hairline. What more could you ask for? Oh yea, how bout we not lose at home to our former coach while registering 67 yards through three quarters? How bout no more swing passes when the entire defense is within 10 yards of the line of scrimmage? How bout blocking someone? Can we consider benching defensive ends that bring less pressure from the outside than Betty White and a quarterback with less pocket presence than a piece of lent? As for Mr. Mom Meyer, maybe your family should be satisfied with the $4 million daddy brings home and you should spend all your time making sure the product on the field warrants that salary.
Cuzzin Bailey
Okay this is the first time in I think forever, I had a personal attendance LOSING record. But that’s what we got here. I made an impromptu trip to Gainesville last Saturday and now I have seen ONE win and THREE losses this season. Pathetic. And to top off a great weekend, on Monday the media ran with a story that stated that Steve Adazzio was definitely coming back next season. Here’s the rub: at the press conference, Meyer was asked if Adazz would be fired, he said, “no I don’t think so.” Does that sound like a rousing endorsement to you???? I hate sports reporters sometimes, but then again I’m addicted to twitter, so there’s really nothing I can do about this. Speaking of Twitter, I past my thousandth Tweet early this week. Can you believe you have already missed 1000 examples of my awesomeness? Its not too late. Really ain’t too many exciting games this weekend with all the bigtime rivalries next weekend. In regards to the Gators, while I am terribly disappointed by the outcome last weekend and hell, the entire season, I am hopeful that our headcoach, who has won 2 National Titles and 2 SEC championships is fully capable of righting this ship. It looks dark, but it would be foolish for anyone to call for Meyer to be fired. And one more thing, anyone who was “HAPPY” when Spurrier beat us last weekend should take all of his Gator gear, put in a box and send it off to someone who isn’t a total sellout. If you do this I will personally send you a Gamecock hat, and staple it to your Benedict Arnold head. Spurrier is NOT your friend if you are a Gator. He did some wonderful things at UF and then left us high and dry, and THEN became a coach at a division RIVAL. Not saying I wish he had never coached the Gators, but that he sure is acting like it meant nothing to him. To everyone who said, “CuzzinBailey, you’re over reacting. He’s going to USC, he’ll never challenge us for the SEC East,” well I have a word for you, and it ain’t pretty. Hey if you want some exciting not-so-breaking news, follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey It’ll change your life.
Bye Week: Auburn; Georgia; Kentucky
Thursday
7:30pm
CB
Georgia State at Alabama (NL)
Well with Auburn beating regular Georgia last weekend, the West was locked up too. Devastating perhaps to the Tide as an Iron Bowl win won’t mean as much as it could have meant. That isn’t to say Bama would LOVE to ruin an otherwise perfect season for the Tigers. Georgia State plays teams I swear I have never heard of and a few that surprised me that they have football teams. GSU lost to Old Dominion. That should say it all here kids. The Tide could struggle all day long but that isn’t going to change anything. Crimson Tide roll in this one, playing mostly backups and to tune up for their chances to send Cam Newton to the NFL with no Heisman and no chance at a National Title. Nope, all that kid’s gonna carry with him, other than a humongous amount of baggage, is an SEC title ring that will be taken away almost as quickly as it was won.
Jawja State 3
Bama 63
EGM
Who really cares?
ML
Bill Curry U 0
Bama 99
Saturday
12:21pm
ML
Troy at South Carolina (-23)
It’s weird. I don’t feel anger toward the ol’ ball coach, but at the same time I didn’t feel a tinge of joy or happiness that he won the East. Let’s be honest, it is highly unlikely the rest of the East will be this down again, so if SC were ever going to win the division it had to be this year. Unless of course the Gators decide to bring back Addazio and double down on the spread with John Brantley, then they just have to worry about Georgia. I fully expect Troy to cover this week. After all, SC will have a bit of a hangover and last time I heard Troy doesn’t have a Pop Warner offense.
Trojans 17
Cocks 30
CB
Troy 16
Cocks 27
EGM
Trojans 13
Cocks 31
12:30pm
EGM
Appalachian State at Florida (NL)
What a pathetic showing for the Gators on Saturday night. They looked thoroughly unprepared and unmotivated. I can’t blame things like that on the coach, right? I mean gameplanning, adapting to personnel issues, putting players in the right situations are not things coaches should really do, right? The job of coach is to find a system, put the system into place, hope the players are suited for the system, and sit back and watch the results. If the results are not good, double down on the system and start splitting fours (i.e. run the same plays only faster). Urban Meyer had the dumbfounded gaze of Ron Zook on Saturday night. The only different thing is that Zook’s teams scored points while he maintained this posture. I’m sure the stalwart spread offense defender would immediately ask me if I liked Zook more. Of course I don’t, I’m merely saying the Meyer looks like Cougar from Top Gun after the run in with the MIG. He might even have a picture of his kids in his pocket that he looks at during games. Its time for the bald, shittalking Captain of the ship to give Coug a good talking to. Meyer makes huge dollars, there is no excuse for this type of failure. I know I’m supposed to “give him a break” because of the national titles but he’s not the same coach that won those titles. In the early years he adapted and did what it takes. Now, he merely looks Addazio in the eye and says “it worked in practice, right?”
I understand I’m that guy now. The overreacting, bad fan. I don’t care. I love winning. If I failed like Meyer this year in my own career, I would be fired. I apply the same standard.
The offense is just pathetic. There is no way to describe how bad it is. Its not just a personnel issue.
The defense is sloppy and prone to giving up huge plays due to a Joe Lee Dunn style of blitzing.
That’s the 2010 Florida Gators. Don’t expect changes either. After all, it’s all about the system. Hopefully, someday is about winning again.
Mountaineers 500
Gators 0
ML
Appy State 12
Swing Pass U 2
CB
Appy 6
FLORIDA 34
3:30pm
CB
Ole Miss at LSU (-16)
Its funny, every once in a while this rivalry actually lives up to its potential. Every so often these teams put on a show that would make Billy Cannon stand up and cheer, the kind that would make Archie Manning opt for another face lift! Unfortunately this year, the Ole Miss winning streak over the Bayou Bengals will end in a big way. Its pretty clear that Les “Guess” Miles has proven that he isn’t the total hack we all thought he was with some bigtime wins this season. This can result in 1 of 2 things. Perhaps LSU, knowing now that their shot at the SEC title is officially kaput, will just mail this game in knowing its pretty much a lock while they think ahead towards Arkansas, or 2) LSU will roll the Rebels because that is what all the experts are saying. I hate to say this, but I think the latter is most likely to occur. I really dislike the Tigers, but they are the better team. If this were at night I would call for a record number of murders in Baton Rouge. Thankfully, it’s a day game.
Rebs 10
Tigs 25
EGM
Black Bears 13
Tigers 16
ML
Stuffed Bears 10
Drunk Tigers 34
7:00pm
ML
Arkansas at Mississippi State (+3)
I actually had to look up whether these two teams won or lost last week. It goes to show you how “checked-out” I’ve been since the worst performance by a Gator team in 20+ years. Arkansas predictably whipped up on UTEP, and their quarterback almost threw for as many TDs as the Gators have all year. I wonder how many swing passes Petrino called. Meanwhile, the Western Dawgs fell to ‘Bama, but look like a paragon of virtue if you believe the details of Cam-Gate. I actually blame the Gators for MSU’s loss. Bear with me. Since UF was the last “high profile” opponent before the Bama game, I think their DC was under the misapprehension that it was against the rules to throw the ball more than 6 yards down the field. How else can you explain 45 and 78 yard TD passes allowed? I think the Bulldogs will adjust, and play a soft zone against Mallett and try to force FGs. It will work, for a while…
Aerial Arky 29
Ground Dogs 20
CB
Ark 27
Miss St 26
EGM
Arky 31
Miss State 17
EGM
Tennessee at Vanderbilt (+9.5)
I could really care less about both of these teams. Tennessee has a few good players. Vandy has zero good players and a fat coach. I guess that’s worth about nine and half points.
Vols 21
Vandy 13
ML
UT 30
VU 10
CB
UT 38
Vandie 10
Last week was certainly a great week of football if you’re an Auburn or South Carolina fan. Unfortunately, I’m neither of those things so I’m down in the dumps trying to figure out what the NBA schedule is this Friday.
Malt Licker
Now that the Gator season is in shambles, thanks in no small part to Addazio, Mr. Mom Meyer and Johnny Brantley (nice catch dude), I’ve turned my attention to the soap opera coming out of the Plains in Alabama. This story has everything. Scumbag Supreme Bobby Lowder, the Victoryland Racino, tremendous luck by Auburn players at said Racino, Great Southern Wood, misappropriation of TARP funds, federal indictments, a crooked preacher (Cam’s Dad), the best player in the country and Joe Schad’s receding hairline. What more could you ask for? Oh yea, how bout we not lose at home to our former coach while registering 67 yards through three quarters? How bout no more swing passes when the entire defense is within 10 yards of the line of scrimmage? How bout blocking someone? Can we consider benching defensive ends that bring less pressure from the outside than Betty White and a quarterback with less pocket presence than a piece of lent? As for Mr. Mom Meyer, maybe your family should be satisfied with the $4 million daddy brings home and you should spend all your time making sure the product on the field warrants that salary.
Cuzzin Bailey
Okay this is the first time in I think forever, I had a personal attendance LOSING record. But that’s what we got here. I made an impromptu trip to Gainesville last Saturday and now I have seen ONE win and THREE losses this season. Pathetic. And to top off a great weekend, on Monday the media ran with a story that stated that Steve Adazzio was definitely coming back next season. Here’s the rub: at the press conference, Meyer was asked if Adazz would be fired, he said, “no I don’t think so.” Does that sound like a rousing endorsement to you???? I hate sports reporters sometimes, but then again I’m addicted to twitter, so there’s really nothing I can do about this. Speaking of Twitter, I past my thousandth Tweet early this week. Can you believe you have already missed 1000 examples of my awesomeness? Its not too late. Really ain’t too many exciting games this weekend with all the bigtime rivalries next weekend. In regards to the Gators, while I am terribly disappointed by the outcome last weekend and hell, the entire season, I am hopeful that our headcoach, who has won 2 National Titles and 2 SEC championships is fully capable of righting this ship. It looks dark, but it would be foolish for anyone to call for Meyer to be fired. And one more thing, anyone who was “HAPPY” when Spurrier beat us last weekend should take all of his Gator gear, put in a box and send it off to someone who isn’t a total sellout. If you do this I will personally send you a Gamecock hat, and staple it to your Benedict Arnold head. Spurrier is NOT your friend if you are a Gator. He did some wonderful things at UF and then left us high and dry, and THEN became a coach at a division RIVAL. Not saying I wish he had never coached the Gators, but that he sure is acting like it meant nothing to him. To everyone who said, “CuzzinBailey, you’re over reacting. He’s going to USC, he’ll never challenge us for the SEC East,” well I have a word for you, and it ain’t pretty. Hey if you want some exciting not-so-breaking news, follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey It’ll change your life.
Bye Week: Auburn; Georgia; Kentucky
Thursday
7:30pm
CB
Georgia State at Alabama (NL)
Well with Auburn beating regular Georgia last weekend, the West was locked up too. Devastating perhaps to the Tide as an Iron Bowl win won’t mean as much as it could have meant. That isn’t to say Bama would LOVE to ruin an otherwise perfect season for the Tigers. Georgia State plays teams I swear I have never heard of and a few that surprised me that they have football teams. GSU lost to Old Dominion. That should say it all here kids. The Tide could struggle all day long but that isn’t going to change anything. Crimson Tide roll in this one, playing mostly backups and to tune up for their chances to send Cam Newton to the NFL with no Heisman and no chance at a National Title. Nope, all that kid’s gonna carry with him, other than a humongous amount of baggage, is an SEC title ring that will be taken away almost as quickly as it was won.
Jawja State 3
Bama 63
EGM
Who really cares?
ML
Bill Curry U 0
Bama 99
Saturday
12:21pm
ML
Troy at South Carolina (-23)
It’s weird. I don’t feel anger toward the ol’ ball coach, but at the same time I didn’t feel a tinge of joy or happiness that he won the East. Let’s be honest, it is highly unlikely the rest of the East will be this down again, so if SC were ever going to win the division it had to be this year. Unless of course the Gators decide to bring back Addazio and double down on the spread with John Brantley, then they just have to worry about Georgia. I fully expect Troy to cover this week. After all, SC will have a bit of a hangover and last time I heard Troy doesn’t have a Pop Warner offense.
Trojans 17
Cocks 30
CB
Troy 16
Cocks 27
EGM
Trojans 13
Cocks 31
12:30pm
EGM
Appalachian State at Florida (NL)
What a pathetic showing for the Gators on Saturday night. They looked thoroughly unprepared and unmotivated. I can’t blame things like that on the coach, right? I mean gameplanning, adapting to personnel issues, putting players in the right situations are not things coaches should really do, right? The job of coach is to find a system, put the system into place, hope the players are suited for the system, and sit back and watch the results. If the results are not good, double down on the system and start splitting fours (i.e. run the same plays only faster). Urban Meyer had the dumbfounded gaze of Ron Zook on Saturday night. The only different thing is that Zook’s teams scored points while he maintained this posture. I’m sure the stalwart spread offense defender would immediately ask me if I liked Zook more. Of course I don’t, I’m merely saying the Meyer looks like Cougar from Top Gun after the run in with the MIG. He might even have a picture of his kids in his pocket that he looks at during games. Its time for the bald, shittalking Captain of the ship to give Coug a good talking to. Meyer makes huge dollars, there is no excuse for this type of failure. I know I’m supposed to “give him a break” because of the national titles but he’s not the same coach that won those titles. In the early years he adapted and did what it takes. Now, he merely looks Addazio in the eye and says “it worked in practice, right?”
I understand I’m that guy now. The overreacting, bad fan. I don’t care. I love winning. If I failed like Meyer this year in my own career, I would be fired. I apply the same standard.
The offense is just pathetic. There is no way to describe how bad it is. Its not just a personnel issue.
The defense is sloppy and prone to giving up huge plays due to a Joe Lee Dunn style of blitzing.
That’s the 2010 Florida Gators. Don’t expect changes either. After all, it’s all about the system. Hopefully, someday is about winning again.
Mountaineers 500
Gators 0
ML
Appy State 12
Swing Pass U 2
CB
Appy 6
FLORIDA 34
3:30pm
CB
Ole Miss at LSU (-16)
Its funny, every once in a while this rivalry actually lives up to its potential. Every so often these teams put on a show that would make Billy Cannon stand up and cheer, the kind that would make Archie Manning opt for another face lift! Unfortunately this year, the Ole Miss winning streak over the Bayou Bengals will end in a big way. Its pretty clear that Les “Guess” Miles has proven that he isn’t the total hack we all thought he was with some bigtime wins this season. This can result in 1 of 2 things. Perhaps LSU, knowing now that their shot at the SEC title is officially kaput, will just mail this game in knowing its pretty much a lock while they think ahead towards Arkansas, or 2) LSU will roll the Rebels because that is what all the experts are saying. I hate to say this, but I think the latter is most likely to occur. I really dislike the Tigers, but they are the better team. If this were at night I would call for a record number of murders in Baton Rouge. Thankfully, it’s a day game.
Rebs 10
Tigs 25
EGM
Black Bears 13
Tigers 16
ML
Stuffed Bears 10
Drunk Tigers 34
7:00pm
ML
Arkansas at Mississippi State (+3)
I actually had to look up whether these two teams won or lost last week. It goes to show you how “checked-out” I’ve been since the worst performance by a Gator team in 20+ years. Arkansas predictably whipped up on UTEP, and their quarterback almost threw for as many TDs as the Gators have all year. I wonder how many swing passes Petrino called. Meanwhile, the Western Dawgs fell to ‘Bama, but look like a paragon of virtue if you believe the details of Cam-Gate. I actually blame the Gators for MSU’s loss. Bear with me. Since UF was the last “high profile” opponent before the Bama game, I think their DC was under the misapprehension that it was against the rules to throw the ball more than 6 yards down the field. How else can you explain 45 and 78 yard TD passes allowed? I think the Bulldogs will adjust, and play a soft zone against Mallett and try to force FGs. It will work, for a while…
Aerial Arky 29
Ground Dogs 20
CB
Ark 27
Miss St 26
EGM
Arky 31
Miss State 17
EGM
Tennessee at Vanderbilt (+9.5)
I could really care less about both of these teams. Tennessee has a few good players. Vandy has zero good players and a fat coach. I guess that’s worth about nine and half points.
Vols 21
Vandy 13
ML
UT 30
VU 10
CB
UT 38
Vandie 10
Friday, November 12, 2010
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC 2010 - WEEK XI
Cuzzin Bailey
To start off I want to say, Happy Birthday to my Sister!! As long as everyone in St Pete keeps referring to you as “(Cuzzin Bailey’s) younger sister,” I’ll go along with it! Also, I had an amazing time with my fiancé last weekend in Oxford, MS. From the company to the food to the entertainment, everything was perfect. Its always fun to go to another SEC game when the Gator aren’t playing. Sure I was going for the home team, but it wasn’t stressful at all, and let’s be honest, being able to have your own bottle of Beam and not have to worry about getting pinched is a big deal. So back to the present; after a thorough drubbing of the Commodores last weekend, the winner of the USC/UF game is poised to be the first 3 (SEC game) loss participant since the 2002 Arkansas team that lost to UGA (who was kept out of a National Championship appearance thanks to the Zook led Gators!!!) Anyways, I just found out yesterday morning that I have a ticket for the game so I will be participating in the “Blue-Out!” Hell, I know its cheesy, but I like Meyer’s moxie. He doesn’t care that this will be described by some haters as “Fake Juice,” he is using it as a rallying cry and I hope everyone in the Swamp rings the bell. Anyways, I was just thinking about this looking at my slate today: a little heads up to the two ways I can write about a game. If its full of fun and jokes and sarcasm, I’m having fun and put a lot of time into it; if all you see are stats, no exclamation points, and straight down-to-business picking, not only do I not care about the game, but I know very little about one or both of the opponents and consider the task to be wasting my time!!! Enjoy, but honestly, how can you NOT after all that…if you want to be part of the CuzzinBailey Army follow my lead/link: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey
El Gran Mono
After a fairly calm weekend, we now move to Division Championship Week. I have yet to see any simpleton names put forward by ESPN’s gang of ad men. I guess they are too busy focusing on Boise State and unsubstantiated rumors concerning Cam Newton. The lawyer in me says this guy is receiving some unjust criticism considering the basis of everything is “unnamed sources”. However, things are starting to pile up and my asshole detector is registering some high readings. I can’t wait to watch the Gator game solo at a bar in Manhattan, if you are in NYC, send me a tweet @elgranmono1865. I might just buy you a Clausthaler...or a Brooklyn Lager if you are lucky.
Malt Licker
What a weird season…after a dreadful October our beloved Gators find themselves facing Spurdog, the architect of our emergence as a dominant program, for a chance to win another Eastern division crown and the right to get spanked by the western champ in Atlanta. Has there ever been this much of a disparity between East and West? Whoever wins in the Swamp tomorrow would probably be fighting with Ole Miss to stay out of the cellar in the West. Since starting out 18-16, I’ve correctly picked 85% of my games (trust me) so you should liquidate all assets and make wagers based on the following prognostications. Also, I’ll be rendezvousing with Cuzzin’ Bailey at the Salty Dog Saloon, where I am always receptive to my fans buying me drinks. It’s the least you can do.
12:00pm
CB
Ole Miss at Tennessee (-2)
So after watching the Rebel Bears struggle a bit with Louisiana-Lafayette last weekend, I am weary of picking them. But then again, Tennessee basically has to win out at this late in the season to become bowl eligible. Just a few thoughts that entered my skull last weekend in Oxford: The Grove is (aside from Florida/Jax) the best tailgating I have seen in the conference. I can’t fairly compare it to UF since I am so biased but, here’s the rundown, Grove: tons of tents, mostly catered, lots of flat-screens, beautiful southern people, just a happy fun time; Knoxville, a dump, mean angry people, blindingly gut-wrenching Orange that looks like an unripe naranja. (Sorry, just didn’t feel like typing orange twice in one sentence). ANYWAYS, in regards to the game, you got a not great Ole Miss defense against a rookie QB that tore up Memphis state last weekend; and in the other corner we have the Rebel Bears who have the ability to score and that will be important since UT almost lost to UAB earlier in the season. I like a marginally high-scoring affair (say in the 30s), and we may get blessed with some more Overtime…
Reb-Bears 32
Vuls 31
EGM
Black Bears 28
Vols 24
ML
Smokey the Bear 24
Smokey Mountain U 20
12:21pm
EGM
Vanderbilt at Kentucky (-14)
This game is typically the punchline of a joke and this year is no exception. Vanderbilt has one of the worst offenses in the country. Cuz has a rocket arm compared to their QB and I’m pretty sure the Licker has better moves than their tailback. Also, their coach is fat. As for Kentucky, its pretty clear that Bluegrass country has already moved in to basketball season. The boosters are filling the hoops players with cash and the football team has nothing but jealousy in their eyes. In spite of this, the game sets up pretty well for the Wildcats because their offense isn’t half bad and Vandy’s defense is bad on the road. Fourteen points seems like a lot, but I like the Cats big.
Fat Coach 10
Randall Cobb 28
ML
VanderSuck 12
Kats 31
CB
Nerds 13
Kats 34
3:30pm
EGM
Georgia at Auburn (-8.5)
East Georgia v. West Georgia. The haves v. the have nots. The balding, has been coach v. the thick haired, rockstar coach.
Auburn clearly looks like a team of destiny at this point and I’m sure some people are wondering why that line is so low given UGA’s record. Well, I was actually thinking it was too HIGH. The Dawgs have been the victim of a brutal schedule and some close losses. They can move the ball on offense and Auburn’s defense is fairly porous. However, after being shredded by Johnny Brantley and Co., UGA doesn’t stand a chance of stopping Cthulhu Cam Newton. This game might resemble that Arkansas-Auburn game of several weeks ago. The result should also be the same.
Dawgs 31
Tigers 35
ML
UGA 20
Cam U 27
CB
Dawgs 23
PlainsEagles 30
7:00pm
CB
UTEP at Arkansas (-28)
Sports, football, blah blah. This is a prime example of a game I could care less about. Alls I know here is that Arkansas beat up on the first place team in the SEC EAST last weekend; and UTEP just ended a 3 game losing streak. God I can’t even concentrate on this. Look, the 3 teams UTEP most recently lost to have a combined record of 9 and 19. The Miners are gonna get left in the mine with no oxygen…ugh, that didn’t feel right when I typed it. I’m sorry
Miners 3
Hawgs 40
EGM
Miners 10
Arky 41
ML
Miners 3
Hawgs 33
ML
Louisiana-Monroe at LSU (-32.5)
He mismanages clocks, he wins games. He eats grass. He wins games. He can’t clap. He wins games. Say what you want about the Mad Hatter, but the man wins games. You may call it lucky or wonder who holds the deed to his soul, but make no mistake; Les Miles is entertaining and good for the SEC. If you are flipping through the dial and you see that LSU is on, you will stop and see if it’s a close game to watch chaos ensue. With all that said, the reverse call on 4th and 1 against Bama is one of the best I’ve ever seen. LSU will win comfortably, but not cover, which you can do when favored by 30+.
Lou-Mo 6
L-S-U 35
CB
Lou-Mon 10
LSU 40
EGM
LaMo 6
Tigers 35
7:15pm
ML
Mississippi State at Alabama (-13.5)
This just in…anonymous sources out of Starkville say they have confirmation that Nick Saban spends his free time sodomizing wild turkeys while drinking the blood of saber-toothed tigers. If it comes out of Starkville, and is anonymous, you know it must be true. Speaking of Starkville anonymity, how about their entire team? Can you name one guy on their squad off the top of your head? Me either. This game has all the makings of an angry beat down. After two losses, the Tide is no longer Target #1 and would love to take out some frustration on their little brothers from Starkville. The Western Dawgs are riding high behind a six game winning streak and are feeling disrespected by the large point spread. Can they find running room against a chastened ‘Bama D? It needs to happen for this game to remain close.
Running on Empty 9
Tide 28
CB
Miss State 13
Bama 28
EGM
Miss State 10
Bama 24
CB
South Carolina at Florida (-6.5)
This IS the SEC EAST CHAMPIONSHIP GAME ladies and gentlemen! I am making such a big deal about this for a number of reasons: 1) The odds are we’ll probably be underdogs in Atlanta; 2) No one expected this after we lost 3 games in October; and 3) Probably most important of all, I’m GONNA BE THERE!!! That’s right, 2/3 of the BourbonBoys will be in attendance for the Meyer requested Blue-Out. EGM would mock that. I support rally cries, I like unity for the greater good!!! Gators halted a 3 game skid by beating the hated Dawgs in overtime and then humiliating the Commodores in front of their parents. This year Spurrier returns to the Swamp, this time with the ability to not only ruin Florida’s season, but make this one historic for the Cocks. Man he was such a great Coach for UF. I am so happy for the great success he brought our program, but let’s be honest, HE IS COACHING OUR OPPONENT NOW! Why would anyone be “happy for Steve” if he leads the Gamecocks to the SEC title game? Why does that make sense? It ain’t like we fired him or anything. Anyways, I doubt that’s gonna be an issue to anyone other than the select alumni that are still missing SOS. The seniors on our team were freshmen in high school in 2002, Ron Zook’s first year. Anyway, UF offense is starting to click, and a good offense is probably gonna be enough to at least out-gun the Cocks. I’m going with the Home Crowd…shockingly enough.
Cocks 23
GATORS 32
EGM
Cocks 21
Gators 24
ML
Cocks 20
Gators 24
To start off I want to say, Happy Birthday to my Sister!! As long as everyone in St Pete keeps referring to you as “(Cuzzin Bailey’s) younger sister,” I’ll go along with it! Also, I had an amazing time with my fiancé last weekend in Oxford, MS. From the company to the food to the entertainment, everything was perfect. Its always fun to go to another SEC game when the Gator aren’t playing. Sure I was going for the home team, but it wasn’t stressful at all, and let’s be honest, being able to have your own bottle of Beam and not have to worry about getting pinched is a big deal. So back to the present; after a thorough drubbing of the Commodores last weekend, the winner of the USC/UF game is poised to be the first 3 (SEC game) loss participant since the 2002 Arkansas team that lost to UGA (who was kept out of a National Championship appearance thanks to the Zook led Gators!!!) Anyways, I just found out yesterday morning that I have a ticket for the game so I will be participating in the “Blue-Out!” Hell, I know its cheesy, but I like Meyer’s moxie. He doesn’t care that this will be described by some haters as “Fake Juice,” he is using it as a rallying cry and I hope everyone in the Swamp rings the bell. Anyways, I was just thinking about this looking at my slate today: a little heads up to the two ways I can write about a game. If its full of fun and jokes and sarcasm, I’m having fun and put a lot of time into it; if all you see are stats, no exclamation points, and straight down-to-business picking, not only do I not care about the game, but I know very little about one or both of the opponents and consider the task to be wasting my time!!! Enjoy, but honestly, how can you NOT after all that…if you want to be part of the CuzzinBailey Army follow my lead/link: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey
El Gran Mono
After a fairly calm weekend, we now move to Division Championship Week. I have yet to see any simpleton names put forward by ESPN’s gang of ad men. I guess they are too busy focusing on Boise State and unsubstantiated rumors concerning Cam Newton. The lawyer in me says this guy is receiving some unjust criticism considering the basis of everything is “unnamed sources”. However, things are starting to pile up and my asshole detector is registering some high readings. I can’t wait to watch the Gator game solo at a bar in Manhattan, if you are in NYC, send me a tweet @elgranmono1865. I might just buy you a Clausthaler...or a Brooklyn Lager if you are lucky.
Malt Licker
What a weird season…after a dreadful October our beloved Gators find themselves facing Spurdog, the architect of our emergence as a dominant program, for a chance to win another Eastern division crown and the right to get spanked by the western champ in Atlanta. Has there ever been this much of a disparity between East and West? Whoever wins in the Swamp tomorrow would probably be fighting with Ole Miss to stay out of the cellar in the West. Since starting out 18-16, I’ve correctly picked 85% of my games (trust me) so you should liquidate all assets and make wagers based on the following prognostications. Also, I’ll be rendezvousing with Cuzzin’ Bailey at the Salty Dog Saloon, where I am always receptive to my fans buying me drinks. It’s the least you can do.
12:00pm
CB
Ole Miss at Tennessee (-2)
So after watching the Rebel Bears struggle a bit with Louisiana-Lafayette last weekend, I am weary of picking them. But then again, Tennessee basically has to win out at this late in the season to become bowl eligible. Just a few thoughts that entered my skull last weekend in Oxford: The Grove is (aside from Florida/Jax) the best tailgating I have seen in the conference. I can’t fairly compare it to UF since I am so biased but, here’s the rundown, Grove: tons of tents, mostly catered, lots of flat-screens, beautiful southern people, just a happy fun time; Knoxville, a dump, mean angry people, blindingly gut-wrenching Orange that looks like an unripe naranja. (Sorry, just didn’t feel like typing orange twice in one sentence). ANYWAYS, in regards to the game, you got a not great Ole Miss defense against a rookie QB that tore up Memphis state last weekend; and in the other corner we have the Rebel Bears who have the ability to score and that will be important since UT almost lost to UAB earlier in the season. I like a marginally high-scoring affair (say in the 30s), and we may get blessed with some more Overtime…
Reb-Bears 32
Vuls 31
EGM
Black Bears 28
Vols 24
ML
Smokey the Bear 24
Smokey Mountain U 20
12:21pm
EGM
Vanderbilt at Kentucky (-14)
This game is typically the punchline of a joke and this year is no exception. Vanderbilt has one of the worst offenses in the country. Cuz has a rocket arm compared to their QB and I’m pretty sure the Licker has better moves than their tailback. Also, their coach is fat. As for Kentucky, its pretty clear that Bluegrass country has already moved in to basketball season. The boosters are filling the hoops players with cash and the football team has nothing but jealousy in their eyes. In spite of this, the game sets up pretty well for the Wildcats because their offense isn’t half bad and Vandy’s defense is bad on the road. Fourteen points seems like a lot, but I like the Cats big.
Fat Coach 10
Randall Cobb 28
ML
VanderSuck 12
Kats 31
CB
Nerds 13
Kats 34
3:30pm
EGM
Georgia at Auburn (-8.5)
East Georgia v. West Georgia. The haves v. the have nots. The balding, has been coach v. the thick haired, rockstar coach.
Auburn clearly looks like a team of destiny at this point and I’m sure some people are wondering why that line is so low given UGA’s record. Well, I was actually thinking it was too HIGH. The Dawgs have been the victim of a brutal schedule and some close losses. They can move the ball on offense and Auburn’s defense is fairly porous. However, after being shredded by Johnny Brantley and Co., UGA doesn’t stand a chance of stopping Cthulhu Cam Newton. This game might resemble that Arkansas-Auburn game of several weeks ago. The result should also be the same.
Dawgs 31
Tigers 35
ML
UGA 20
Cam U 27
CB
Dawgs 23
PlainsEagles 30
7:00pm
CB
UTEP at Arkansas (-28)
Sports, football, blah blah. This is a prime example of a game I could care less about. Alls I know here is that Arkansas beat up on the first place team in the SEC EAST last weekend; and UTEP just ended a 3 game losing streak. God I can’t even concentrate on this. Look, the 3 teams UTEP most recently lost to have a combined record of 9 and 19. The Miners are gonna get left in the mine with no oxygen…ugh, that didn’t feel right when I typed it. I’m sorry
Miners 3
Hawgs 40
EGM
Miners 10
Arky 41
ML
Miners 3
Hawgs 33
ML
Louisiana-Monroe at LSU (-32.5)
He mismanages clocks, he wins games. He eats grass. He wins games. He can’t clap. He wins games. Say what you want about the Mad Hatter, but the man wins games. You may call it lucky or wonder who holds the deed to his soul, but make no mistake; Les Miles is entertaining and good for the SEC. If you are flipping through the dial and you see that LSU is on, you will stop and see if it’s a close game to watch chaos ensue. With all that said, the reverse call on 4th and 1 against Bama is one of the best I’ve ever seen. LSU will win comfortably, but not cover, which you can do when favored by 30+.
Lou-Mo 6
L-S-U 35
CB
Lou-Mon 10
LSU 40
EGM
LaMo 6
Tigers 35
7:15pm
ML
Mississippi State at Alabama (-13.5)
This just in…anonymous sources out of Starkville say they have confirmation that Nick Saban spends his free time sodomizing wild turkeys while drinking the blood of saber-toothed tigers. If it comes out of Starkville, and is anonymous, you know it must be true. Speaking of Starkville anonymity, how about their entire team? Can you name one guy on their squad off the top of your head? Me either. This game has all the makings of an angry beat down. After two losses, the Tide is no longer Target #1 and would love to take out some frustration on their little brothers from Starkville. The Western Dawgs are riding high behind a six game winning streak and are feeling disrespected by the large point spread. Can they find running room against a chastened ‘Bama D? It needs to happen for this game to remain close.
Running on Empty 9
Tide 28
CB
Miss State 13
Bama 28
EGM
Miss State 10
Bama 24
CB
South Carolina at Florida (-6.5)
This IS the SEC EAST CHAMPIONSHIP GAME ladies and gentlemen! I am making such a big deal about this for a number of reasons: 1) The odds are we’ll probably be underdogs in Atlanta; 2) No one expected this after we lost 3 games in October; and 3) Probably most important of all, I’m GONNA BE THERE!!! That’s right, 2/3 of the BourbonBoys will be in attendance for the Meyer requested Blue-Out. EGM would mock that. I support rally cries, I like unity for the greater good!!! Gators halted a 3 game skid by beating the hated Dawgs in overtime and then humiliating the Commodores in front of their parents. This year Spurrier returns to the Swamp, this time with the ability to not only ruin Florida’s season, but make this one historic for the Cocks. Man he was such a great Coach for UF. I am so happy for the great success he brought our program, but let’s be honest, HE IS COACHING OUR OPPONENT NOW! Why would anyone be “happy for Steve” if he leads the Gamecocks to the SEC title game? Why does that make sense? It ain’t like we fired him or anything. Anyways, I doubt that’s gonna be an issue to anyone other than the select alumni that are still missing SOS. The seniors on our team were freshmen in high school in 2002, Ron Zook’s first year. Anyway, UF offense is starting to click, and a good offense is probably gonna be enough to at least out-gun the Cocks. I’m going with the Home Crowd…shockingly enough.
Cocks 23
GATORS 32
EGM
Cocks 21
Gators 24
ML
Cocks 20
Gators 24
Friday, November 05, 2010
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC Week X
Malt Licker
Should we really be excited? I mean, it is Georgia. Shouldn’t we consider it a loss since it took extra time to beat the Dawgies? Maybe we should, but I was psyched last week. It felt great to finally get a W and avoid going 0 for October, especially since I was convinced we couldn’t stop Orson Charles and AJ Green. There is one big game out west, as ‘Bama looks to sidestep the Mad Hatter and setup a huge Iron Bowl, but the rest of the SEC slate is underwhelming. That’s okay though, because I get to write about my adopted favorite team, Boise State!!!!
Cuzzin Bailey
Welcome back to reality everyone, and by that I mean they won’t lock you up on the loony bin to think the Gators have a decent shot at a trip to Hot-Lanta. In a thrilling OT victory over the hated Bulldyk..DOGS, the Gators have “resurrected” their season and with some destruction this weekend, we’ll be one game away from glory. (And by “glory” I mean our opportunity to go 0-fer the SEC West this year). Anyways, wrapping up the Horror movie theme, last night I watched a movie El Gran Mono wouldn’t be caught dead watching…the new version of Nightmare on Elm Street. EGM is a traditionalist when it comes to movies; he will NEVER watch a remake. You have to respect that line in the sand, HE WON’T DO IT! Anyways, the movie was REALLY scary. Not fun and campy like the Jason movies, and very graphic unlike Halloween. Kind of like the Gators…remember when it was fun to watch our team and not terrible nerve-racking? For most of this season I have watched us play with a hand over my eyes just in case Freddy’s gonna jump out of a freaking mirror and kill someone (and he does). Well hopefully those days are over, I’m liking this triple threat QB system we have going here, (one passes, one runs fast, one runs big)…So basically its taking 3 dudes to do what one kid did here for 4 years. And you know what? I don’t give a crap! I hope JB is being honest when he says it doesn’t bother him…actually, I don’t care. All I really care about is winning (oh and doing “the right way,” HAHA just kidding). GO GATORS! If you want to follow nonsensical sports and other topics on twitter, follow me and then delete me…it happens: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey
El Gran Mono
I am now on Zocor, that’s what the Gators have driven me to. However, I guess that’s better than the cocktail of anti-depressants and erection drugs that UGA fans have been on for the last 21 years. I’ll let Cuzz’ Bailey, #1 Gator enthusiast cover the rest of the game because I’m only going to bring people down. As for the rest of the SEC/NCAA, Roadblock Saturday proved to be a true obstacle to faux BCS chances (see Mizzou and Sparty). Oregon had no trouble with the father and son hack combo. Oregon State and Arizona are all that stands between the Ducks and 17 point loss to Alabama on a Monday night in January. That’s right, I’m not buying the Ducks against a real defense. I think they are good but remind me a lot of 2008 Joklahoma. And that Sooner team, had a much better QB, OLine and defense.
As for this week, I fully expect a war between the Tide and Tigers and more Cam Newton rumors…
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Mississippi State – OFF WEEK
12:21pm
CB
Florida at Vanderbilt (-14)
As I’m sure you all are aware of by now, the Gators are 2 SEC wins away from going back to the SEC Champ game, something that seemed ludicrous as recent as last week. Now I know this is a “trap game,” but this isn’t your slightly older friend’s Vandy. There’s no Jay Cutler and … hell there’s no coach. The Commodores are giving up 9 more points per game than they are getting. That is just pathetic. I know that historically we have struggled with Vandy, but I think this year, given the importance, we have no reason to be looking past Nashville. Since beating Eastern Michigan on October 9th, Vandy has lost its last three games by a combined total of 113 to 21. Disgusting. Oh yea, one of those losses was to UGA who the Gators beat last weekend in the Cocktail Party!!!! My God we had such a good time. Perfect day for tailgating, so much food and drink, and my secret boxer-pocket worked flawlessly!! 10 airplane bottles of Jim Beam joined me at my seat…it was amazing. Oh yea, Gators cover…no problem.
FLORIDA 32
Vandie 7
EGM
Gators 23
Dores 10
ML
Gators 31
Dores 10
12:30pm
ML
Idaho State at Georgia (NL)
Whooo hoo Boise State…wait, your saying its not Boise, but Idaho State? I thought there was only one school in my beloved Gem State. Oh well, UGA needs to find a way to beat the Bengals from Pocatello, who are currently 1-7 and winless in the Big Sky conference. Hopefully they’ll be able to gather together their shattered dreams and make it to .500 with a W over the Bengals. I’d really rather talk about Boise State, who face a tough test this week, against the Rainbow Warriors, who are the last team to beat Boise in the regular season. Yea that’s right, my beloved Broncos have won 32 regular season games in a row! Getting back to Georgia, can we all relax about their assistant giving Chas the choke sign? It’s not that big a deal. Everyone needs to lighten up. It has gotten out of control, as we have now reached the point where basketball players need to make sure their trash-talk is not “insensitive.”
Big Skyy 3
Big Choke 43
CB
Sacrificial Bengals 6
Reeling Dawgs 54
EGM
PotaTOEs 13
Dawgs 51
EGM
Charleston Southern at Kentucky (NL)
There always seem to be a few of these matchups late in the season between SEC teams and D-IAA teams. Thank goodness for the 12th game! Watch Randall Cobb, he’s worth it.
Ft. Sumter 10
Ft. Knox 42
ML
Buccaneers 6
Cats 55
CB
Challston Suthun 5
Kiats 43
1:00pm
CB
Chattanooga at Auburn (NL)
Since there is no line here, and its clear who the winner will be, let me just take a second to say: this Auburn team reminds me of the 2007 Gator squad (minus the losses); Great offense, outstanding, fun to watch, but terrible defense. Of course they have two more rivalry games to go, and losing to Bama could destroy a stellar season! Here’s to that! I hate Auburn
Nooga 10
Ah-Barn 100
EGM
Chattanooga 3
Plainsmen 52
ML
FCS Mocs 3
Awbarn 60
3:30pm
ML
Alabama at LSU (+6.5)
Can the Mad Hatter do it again? It’s a battle of one-loss powerhouses in Death Valley. ‘Bama controls their own destiny on the road to Atlanta, but LSU can’t get there without some help. It sounds like a broken record, but to beat ‘Bama you must make them one dimensional, and then put heat on McElroy. Rinse. Repeat. Then the Tigers need 2 or 3 big plays, whether via defense, special teams, or the lucky horseshoe stuck in Les Miles’ ass. Typically Satan’s teams avoid these plays, but some crazy stuff can happen down on the Bayou.
Tide Rolling On 28
Luck Running Out 10
CB
EGM
Bama 13
LSU 10
ML
TCU at Utah (+6)
Game of the Week baby! Is this game at night? It should be. These two teams deserve prime time coverage. It’s a battle for Mountain West supremacy, and the Utes will be looking to avenge last years shellacking in Fort Worth. This matchup is what football is all about! Two highly disciplined teams with dynamic offenses and gutty defenses clash in Mormon-land. Look for the home underdogs to get off to a quick start. However, I think Gary Patterson and Andy Dalton will quickly recover and open up a comfortable lead in the second half.
Horned Frogs 34
Yoots 17
CB
Horny Toads 34
Utar 38
EGM
Frogs 21
Utes 17
7:00pm
CB
Louisiana-Lafayette at Ole Miss (-27)
In an effort to be a fair and balanced and informed journalist, I will personally be attending this game to see what Vaught-Hemingway has to offer at a night game! Very excited! Obviously I’m going to see my Bourbongirl, but this is going to be a nice treat! I love watching SEC games in which I don’t have to worry about Florida losing. Clearly the Rebs are gonna win this one. But I have no idea what Lou-La has to offer so I’m just gonna guess here. Looked like Ole Miss gave Arkansas a run for their money and dropped 30 plus on Auburn’s porous defense, so I doubt Houston’s boys will have trouble scoring, but…oh wait, the Ragin’ Cajuns have lost 4 straight and only have 2 Ws on the season. I think Ole Miss wins, but 27 is too much for my blood.
Cajuns 13
Rebears 39
EGM
LaLaf 6
Sellouts 51
ML
Lou-La 3
Gummi-Bears 44
EGM
Arkansas at South Carolina (-3)
Second best game of the week in the SEC…would be even better if these two teams knew how to hang on in the fourth quarter. Both the teams feature excitable QBs, one with a great beard, one with a great arm. The difference in the two teams is USC’s ability to play defense and run the ball. I fully expect Spurdog pound the rock with Lattimore as much as possible to limit Mallet’s chances. The cocks should come up with enough stops to get the win.
Arky 21
USC 25
ML
Hawgs 31
Cocks 27
CB
Arks 26
Cocks 27
8:00pm
EGM
Tennessee at Memphis (OFF)
The state of Tennessee may know how to vote properly but their football programs are way down. Memphis has never been a powerhouse but they used to be semi-competitive in CUSA. Tennessee was a perennial participant in the Outback/Citrus Bowl for a decade but has now resorted to touring WWII battlefields in early January. Not a good situation for either team. Earlier in the year, UAB should have beaten the Vols. Can the Tigers even the score for CUSA?
MSU 13
Vols 21
CB
UT 34
Memphis State 27
ML
Vols 23
Tigers 3
Should we really be excited? I mean, it is Georgia. Shouldn’t we consider it a loss since it took extra time to beat the Dawgies? Maybe we should, but I was psyched last week. It felt great to finally get a W and avoid going 0 for October, especially since I was convinced we couldn’t stop Orson Charles and AJ Green. There is one big game out west, as ‘Bama looks to sidestep the Mad Hatter and setup a huge Iron Bowl, but the rest of the SEC slate is underwhelming. That’s okay though, because I get to write about my adopted favorite team, Boise State!!!!
Cuzzin Bailey
Welcome back to reality everyone, and by that I mean they won’t lock you up on the loony bin to think the Gators have a decent shot at a trip to Hot-Lanta. In a thrilling OT victory over the hated Bulldyk..DOGS, the Gators have “resurrected” their season and with some destruction this weekend, we’ll be one game away from glory. (And by “glory” I mean our opportunity to go 0-fer the SEC West this year). Anyways, wrapping up the Horror movie theme, last night I watched a movie El Gran Mono wouldn’t be caught dead watching…the new version of Nightmare on Elm Street. EGM is a traditionalist when it comes to movies; he will NEVER watch a remake. You have to respect that line in the sand, HE WON’T DO IT! Anyways, the movie was REALLY scary. Not fun and campy like the Jason movies, and very graphic unlike Halloween. Kind of like the Gators…remember when it was fun to watch our team and not terrible nerve-racking? For most of this season I have watched us play with a hand over my eyes just in case Freddy’s gonna jump out of a freaking mirror and kill someone (and he does). Well hopefully those days are over, I’m liking this triple threat QB system we have going here, (one passes, one runs fast, one runs big)…So basically its taking 3 dudes to do what one kid did here for 4 years. And you know what? I don’t give a crap! I hope JB is being honest when he says it doesn’t bother him…actually, I don’t care. All I really care about is winning (oh and doing “the right way,” HAHA just kidding). GO GATORS! If you want to follow nonsensical sports and other topics on twitter, follow me and then delete me…it happens: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey
El Gran Mono
I am now on Zocor, that’s what the Gators have driven me to. However, I guess that’s better than the cocktail of anti-depressants and erection drugs that UGA fans have been on for the last 21 years. I’ll let Cuzz’ Bailey, #1 Gator enthusiast cover the rest of the game because I’m only going to bring people down. As for the rest of the SEC/NCAA, Roadblock Saturday proved to be a true obstacle to faux BCS chances (see Mizzou and Sparty). Oregon had no trouble with the father and son hack combo. Oregon State and Arizona are all that stands between the Ducks and 17 point loss to Alabama on a Monday night in January. That’s right, I’m not buying the Ducks against a real defense. I think they are good but remind me a lot of 2008 Joklahoma. And that Sooner team, had a much better QB, OLine and defense.
As for this week, I fully expect a war between the Tide and Tigers and more Cam Newton rumors…
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Mississippi State – OFF WEEK
12:21pm
CB
Florida at Vanderbilt (-14)
As I’m sure you all are aware of by now, the Gators are 2 SEC wins away from going back to the SEC Champ game, something that seemed ludicrous as recent as last week. Now I know this is a “trap game,” but this isn’t your slightly older friend’s Vandy. There’s no Jay Cutler and … hell there’s no coach. The Commodores are giving up 9 more points per game than they are getting. That is just pathetic. I know that historically we have struggled with Vandy, but I think this year, given the importance, we have no reason to be looking past Nashville. Since beating Eastern Michigan on October 9th, Vandy has lost its last three games by a combined total of 113 to 21. Disgusting. Oh yea, one of those losses was to UGA who the Gators beat last weekend in the Cocktail Party!!!! My God we had such a good time. Perfect day for tailgating, so much food and drink, and my secret boxer-pocket worked flawlessly!! 10 airplane bottles of Jim Beam joined me at my seat…it was amazing. Oh yea, Gators cover…no problem.
FLORIDA 32
Vandie 7
EGM
Gators 23
Dores 10
ML
Gators 31
Dores 10
12:30pm
ML
Idaho State at Georgia (NL)
Whooo hoo Boise State…wait, your saying its not Boise, but Idaho State? I thought there was only one school in my beloved Gem State. Oh well, UGA needs to find a way to beat the Bengals from Pocatello, who are currently 1-7 and winless in the Big Sky conference. Hopefully they’ll be able to gather together their shattered dreams and make it to .500 with a W over the Bengals. I’d really rather talk about Boise State, who face a tough test this week, against the Rainbow Warriors, who are the last team to beat Boise in the regular season. Yea that’s right, my beloved Broncos have won 32 regular season games in a row! Getting back to Georgia, can we all relax about their assistant giving Chas the choke sign? It’s not that big a deal. Everyone needs to lighten up. It has gotten out of control, as we have now reached the point where basketball players need to make sure their trash-talk is not “insensitive.”
Big Skyy 3
Big Choke 43
CB
Sacrificial Bengals 6
Reeling Dawgs 54
EGM
PotaTOEs 13
Dawgs 51
EGM
Charleston Southern at Kentucky (NL)
There always seem to be a few of these matchups late in the season between SEC teams and D-IAA teams. Thank goodness for the 12th game! Watch Randall Cobb, he’s worth it.
Ft. Sumter 10
Ft. Knox 42
ML
Buccaneers 6
Cats 55
CB
Challston Suthun 5
Kiats 43
1:00pm
CB
Chattanooga at Auburn (NL)
Since there is no line here, and its clear who the winner will be, let me just take a second to say: this Auburn team reminds me of the 2007 Gator squad (minus the losses); Great offense, outstanding, fun to watch, but terrible defense. Of course they have two more rivalry games to go, and losing to Bama could destroy a stellar season! Here’s to that! I hate Auburn
Nooga 10
Ah-Barn 100
EGM
Chattanooga 3
Plainsmen 52
ML
FCS Mocs 3
Awbarn 60
3:30pm
ML
Alabama at LSU (+6.5)
Can the Mad Hatter do it again? It’s a battle of one-loss powerhouses in Death Valley. ‘Bama controls their own destiny on the road to Atlanta, but LSU can’t get there without some help. It sounds like a broken record, but to beat ‘Bama you must make them one dimensional, and then put heat on McElroy. Rinse. Repeat. Then the Tigers need 2 or 3 big plays, whether via defense, special teams, or the lucky horseshoe stuck in Les Miles’ ass. Typically Satan’s teams avoid these plays, but some crazy stuff can happen down on the Bayou.
Tide Rolling On 28
Luck Running Out 10
CB
EGM
Bama 13
LSU 10
ML
TCU at Utah (+6)
Game of the Week baby! Is this game at night? It should be. These two teams deserve prime time coverage. It’s a battle for Mountain West supremacy, and the Utes will be looking to avenge last years shellacking in Fort Worth. This matchup is what football is all about! Two highly disciplined teams with dynamic offenses and gutty defenses clash in Mormon-land. Look for the home underdogs to get off to a quick start. However, I think Gary Patterson and Andy Dalton will quickly recover and open up a comfortable lead in the second half.
Horned Frogs 34
Yoots 17
CB
Horny Toads 34
Utar 38
EGM
Frogs 21
Utes 17
7:00pm
CB
Louisiana-Lafayette at Ole Miss (-27)
In an effort to be a fair and balanced and informed journalist, I will personally be attending this game to see what Vaught-Hemingway has to offer at a night game! Very excited! Obviously I’m going to see my Bourbongirl, but this is going to be a nice treat! I love watching SEC games in which I don’t have to worry about Florida losing. Clearly the Rebs are gonna win this one. But I have no idea what Lou-La has to offer so I’m just gonna guess here. Looked like Ole Miss gave Arkansas a run for their money and dropped 30 plus on Auburn’s porous defense, so I doubt Houston’s boys will have trouble scoring, but…oh wait, the Ragin’ Cajuns have lost 4 straight and only have 2 Ws on the season. I think Ole Miss wins, but 27 is too much for my blood.
Cajuns 13
Rebears 39
EGM
LaLaf 6
Sellouts 51
ML
Lou-La 3
Gummi-Bears 44
EGM
Arkansas at South Carolina (-3)
Second best game of the week in the SEC…would be even better if these two teams knew how to hang on in the fourth quarter. Both the teams feature excitable QBs, one with a great beard, one with a great arm. The difference in the two teams is USC’s ability to play defense and run the ball. I fully expect Spurdog pound the rock with Lattimore as much as possible to limit Mallet’s chances. The cocks should come up with enough stops to get the win.
Arky 21
USC 25
ML
Hawgs 31
Cocks 27
CB
Arks 26
Cocks 27
8:00pm
EGM
Tennessee at Memphis (OFF)
The state of Tennessee may know how to vote properly but their football programs are way down. Memphis has never been a powerhouse but they used to be semi-competitive in CUSA. Tennessee was a perennial participant in the Outback/Citrus Bowl for a decade but has now resorted to touring WWII battlefields in early January. Not a good situation for either team. Earlier in the year, UAB should have beaten the Vols. Can the Tigers even the score for CUSA?
MSU 13
Vols 21
CB
UT 34
Memphis State 27
ML
Vols 23
Tigers 3
Friday, October 29, 2010
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC 2010 - WEEK IX
El Gran Mono
I'm pretty excited about "Roadblock Saturday". In fact, anytime ESPN can brainstorm a catchy nickname for something I get even more excited. If they bring sponsor themed segments to CF Gameday, then I might actually die from ecstasy. For instance, the "Coor's Light Meltdown" (something Cuz knows about) would detail the downfall of a great program each week, highlighting the dumb mistakes in a Fall-of-Rome type of analysis: it was the lead pipes, it was the mismanagement of talent, it was the attempt to control such an expanse of land and cultures, it was the attempt to control the media with Stazi-like mechanisms, it was the inability to adapt to a changing world, it was the attempt to ram an offensive philosophy into place regardless of personnel. Another new segment would be called Smirnoff “On Ice”. This show would quickly go through each game and give expert predictions such that those with action could get final tips before putting their hard earned money at risk. I would almost insist this show be hosted by Todd McShay and Desmond Howard. These guys have such a knowledge base and predict games with such accuracy that their weekly picks might bring down the State of Nevada faster than Harry Reid.
Roadblock Saturday! Let do it!
Malt Licker
Has it really come to this? Are we really relegated to resting our hopes for a “successful” season on whether or not we can beat Georgia? It’s a testament to how far we’ve fallen in such a short time. The thought of it makes me depressed. Thankfully, I just saw Christian “big game” Ponder fumble the ball away to NC State and I am gearing up for Halloween with my first ever pumpkin purchase. It’s a pretty mundane slate of games this weekend, evidenced by the fact that the Cocktail Party is CBS’ “Game of the Week.”
Cuzzin Bailey
So, I guess you can call this “Do or Die Weekend” for the Gators. If we lose to UGA its gonna take an act of The Great Pumpkin™ to get us into the SEC Championship game. I know some of you are wondering why I still talk about this possibility, but let me tell you something; Urban has won 2 National Titles, he made Chris Leak into a Spread-Option QB and he can do the same for Brantley, plus with the running of the Trey Burton, having our backs…well, back, that will make a huge difference as well. Man, I’ll tell you, I just read an article and I feel like the players are getting “it” and right now my excitement for this weekend couldn’t be higher! I am seriously so pumped up for this game! Jawga fans and players are so confident right now, Gators is “struggin,” this is setting up to be a very different outcome than everyone is expecting. I was just watching Halloween, off the subject, and anyone else getting the parallels between Chris Rainey and Michael Myers? He makes one mistake and he’s sent away. Gone for a while he comes back and goes on a rampage. Hopefully Georgia will step into the role of The Strode family, and Michael, or “Chris”…wait wrong word in quotes there, anyways, Chris will go on a tear this weekend destroy UGA! Viva Michael Myers! One more thing before I send yall off into the world of the picks, I am so excited, this weekend I get to play the part of the “faux-humble-SEC-fan!” Let me get ready for this: “Gee, gosh, I hope y’all don’t be us too bad ;)” That’ll do. If this piques your interest, follow me on Twitter, DO IT: www.twittercom/cuzzinbailey
LSU and Alabama (OFF WEEK) – Each with a week off to get ready for their showdown next weekend!
12:21pm
EGM
Tennessee at South Carolina (-17)
I won’t stoop down to the level of the mainstream media by belittling Derek Dooley’s misinformed German army comparisons. I mean seriously, this is the guy cleaning up Lane Kiffin’s mess, much like Churchill cleaned up for Chamberlain. You can’t blame him for giving up on the Alabama game like Czechoslovakia. Give the guy a break, defending against the blitzkrieg of Julio Jones, Mark Ingram and Trent Richardson with Nick Reveiz and Co. is like defending Warsaw with a horse brigade against a Panzer regiment. Oops…
As for the game, I expect a Stalinesque style of defense by USC to stifle the summer coated Vols. Meanwhile, Steve Garcia will descend upon Rocky Top like Russian winter. Someone needs to sneak Smokey out like Niels Bohr before its too late.
Vols 13
Cocks 24
ML
UT 12
SC 21
CB
Vuls 14
Cocks 30
3:30pm
EGM
Florida v. Georgia (Jacksonville) (UGA by 3.5)
The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party! Hold on a sec, my phone is ringing…“Oh, hi Bernie”…“What’s that? Your revoking my diploma?”. Well, I guess I had that coming ever since I had the audacity to drink more than one beer while watching a Gator game.
As for the game, the rumor around Gator country is there have been wholesale changes on offense. Does this mean adaptation to talent? Or does it mean more walk-ons in five wide sets? I’m betting on the former. Meyer won a game very similar to this one in his first year. He took down a highly rated UGA team behind a revamped offensive scheme. Granted, the Dawgs were featuring Joe Tereshinski III instead of DJ Shockley, but I distinctly remember a certain ESPN show singing the praises of handsome Joe before the game and how he would bring down the lowly Gators. If only Howard/McShay were on set in those days, then they could have told us how Meyer would adapt and take down the Dawgs.
The Dawgs are playing tough these days but they have gotten fat off some bad teams. I can’t believe I’m gonna make this pick after all of my negativity but I feel Urb has his chi back.
Gators 21
Dawgs 20
ML
Dawgs 20
Gators 14
CB
FLORIDA 23
Jawga 21
ML
Missouri at Nebraska (-7)
Mizzou baby! Undefeated with one major hurdle in Lincoln before a possible conference championship game! What is the state of Missouri known for? Mark Twain? Harry Truman? Compromise? As to football, they remind me of the Gamecocks…simultaneously capable of great upsets and questionable losses. A loss to the Huskers would not fall under either category, as Nebraska has regained their mojo behind their dynamic running QB Martinez. If the Tigers can find a way to protect Blaine Gabbert, they can pull off another upset and make Don Draper very happy.
Sad Don 19
Happy Husker 31
CB
Mizzou 23
Huskers 28
EGM
Mizzou 28
Nebraska 17
6:00pm
CB
Auburn at Ole Miss (+7)
Anyone else hear that Cam Newton is good? Seriously, he’s playing so well, and flying real low under the radar so far. No one talks about him, I feel like I’m discovering him here on BourbonBoys! So, from now on, any talk you hear about Newton, you can trace the source back to Cuzzin Bailey. Anyways, I have heard a LOT of people predicting an upset for this game. I’m not sure I’m sold. Sure it took two unbelievable runs for these Tigers to beat the Bayou Tigers, but…oh wait, Ole Miss, in a losing effort gave Arkansas a run for its money last week. Hmmm. I guess what I’m thinking is the game is close, but real late Newton steals the Heisman, like it’s a laptop, and runs for a score to win the ballgame. I hope this doesn’t dampen the spirits in Oxford as I will be visiting my future in-laws next weekend there for some fun! This weekend I’ll be tweeting from the Cocktail Party and next weekend from Vaught-Hemingway!
Barn it! 27
Bear Down 21
EGM
Aubie 31
Ole Miss 28
ML
Tiggers 29
Yogi Bears 20
7:00pm
CB
Vanderbilt at Arkansas (-21)
I was thinking this was gonna be stock Vanderbilt, kind of a tough nut to crack. Not sure which team would show up, would they get pumped up for a big game, etc etc. Well, as it turns out this game should be pretty cut and dry. The Commodores beat up on the hapless Easter Michigan (Mascot’s) three games ago, but have since been decimated by SEC East foes. Meanwhile, there are talking heads out there saying that if the Razorbacks were in the East, they would run away with the division. Not sure why that had to be said, but going along with that logic, Vandy is in for some real trouble. Arky has two losses to, arguably, the best two teams in the conference, and both games were close-ish. Not sure why I’m spending so much time on this, its gonna be a blowout.
Nerds, books, blah blah 10
What’s a Book? We’re hicks 33
EGM
'Dores 3
Arky 31
ML
VanderDweeb 3
Boss Hawg 40
ML
Kentucky at Mississippi State (-7)
I remember the last time the Gators lost to Mississippi State. I complained about how we lost to a team that lost to Maine, now I can say that we lost to a team that needed a 2nd half rally to beat UAB, at home. Is Ron Zook really our coach again? Is he going to pull off an Urban Meyer mask during the 4th quarter? Anyway, MSU looks to right the ship at home and register their sixth straight victory of the year after nearly screwing the pooch against the Dragons from Birmingham. They face the Cats, whose 98th ranked defense is the perfect tonic for any team struggling on offense. If MSU has turned the corner, they should have no problem dispatching of the Cats.
Black Cats 20
Good luck for Dawgs 40
CB
Still Kensucky 28
Still Trash 34
EGM
KY 21
Miss State 20
I'm pretty excited about "Roadblock Saturday". In fact, anytime ESPN can brainstorm a catchy nickname for something I get even more excited. If they bring sponsor themed segments to CF Gameday, then I might actually die from ecstasy. For instance, the "Coor's Light Meltdown" (something Cuz knows about) would detail the downfall of a great program each week, highlighting the dumb mistakes in a Fall-of-Rome type of analysis: it was the lead pipes, it was the mismanagement of talent, it was the attempt to control such an expanse of land and cultures, it was the attempt to control the media with Stazi-like mechanisms, it was the inability to adapt to a changing world, it was the attempt to ram an offensive philosophy into place regardless of personnel. Another new segment would be called Smirnoff “On Ice”. This show would quickly go through each game and give expert predictions such that those with action could get final tips before putting their hard earned money at risk. I would almost insist this show be hosted by Todd McShay and Desmond Howard. These guys have such a knowledge base and predict games with such accuracy that their weekly picks might bring down the State of Nevada faster than Harry Reid.
Roadblock Saturday! Let do it!
Malt Licker
Has it really come to this? Are we really relegated to resting our hopes for a “successful” season on whether or not we can beat Georgia? It’s a testament to how far we’ve fallen in such a short time. The thought of it makes me depressed. Thankfully, I just saw Christian “big game” Ponder fumble the ball away to NC State and I am gearing up for Halloween with my first ever pumpkin purchase. It’s a pretty mundane slate of games this weekend, evidenced by the fact that the Cocktail Party is CBS’ “Game of the Week.”
Cuzzin Bailey
So, I guess you can call this “Do or Die Weekend” for the Gators. If we lose to UGA its gonna take an act of The Great Pumpkin™ to get us into the SEC Championship game. I know some of you are wondering why I still talk about this possibility, but let me tell you something; Urban has won 2 National Titles, he made Chris Leak into a Spread-Option QB and he can do the same for Brantley, plus with the running of the Trey Burton, having our backs…well, back, that will make a huge difference as well. Man, I’ll tell you, I just read an article and I feel like the players are getting “it” and right now my excitement for this weekend couldn’t be higher! I am seriously so pumped up for this game! Jawga fans and players are so confident right now, Gators is “struggin,” this is setting up to be a very different outcome than everyone is expecting. I was just watching Halloween, off the subject, and anyone else getting the parallels between Chris Rainey and Michael Myers? He makes one mistake and he’s sent away. Gone for a while he comes back and goes on a rampage. Hopefully Georgia will step into the role of The Strode family, and Michael, or “Chris”…wait wrong word in quotes there, anyways, Chris will go on a tear this weekend destroy UGA! Viva Michael Myers! One more thing before I send yall off into the world of the picks, I am so excited, this weekend I get to play the part of the “faux-humble-SEC-fan!” Let me get ready for this: “Gee, gosh, I hope y’all don’t be us too bad ;)” That’ll do. If this piques your interest, follow me on Twitter, DO IT: www.twittercom/cuzzinbailey
LSU and Alabama (OFF WEEK) – Each with a week off to get ready for their showdown next weekend!
12:21pm
EGM
Tennessee at South Carolina (-17)
I won’t stoop down to the level of the mainstream media by belittling Derek Dooley’s misinformed German army comparisons. I mean seriously, this is the guy cleaning up Lane Kiffin’s mess, much like Churchill cleaned up for Chamberlain. You can’t blame him for giving up on the Alabama game like Czechoslovakia. Give the guy a break, defending against the blitzkrieg of Julio Jones, Mark Ingram and Trent Richardson with Nick Reveiz and Co. is like defending Warsaw with a horse brigade against a Panzer regiment. Oops…
As for the game, I expect a Stalinesque style of defense by USC to stifle the summer coated Vols. Meanwhile, Steve Garcia will descend upon Rocky Top like Russian winter. Someone needs to sneak Smokey out like Niels Bohr before its too late.
Vols 13
Cocks 24
ML
UT 12
SC 21
CB
Vuls 14
Cocks 30
3:30pm
EGM
Florida v. Georgia (Jacksonville) (UGA by 3.5)
The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party! Hold on a sec, my phone is ringing…“Oh, hi Bernie”…“What’s that? Your revoking my diploma?”. Well, I guess I had that coming ever since I had the audacity to drink more than one beer while watching a Gator game.
As for the game, the rumor around Gator country is there have been wholesale changes on offense. Does this mean adaptation to talent? Or does it mean more walk-ons in five wide sets? I’m betting on the former. Meyer won a game very similar to this one in his first year. He took down a highly rated UGA team behind a revamped offensive scheme. Granted, the Dawgs were featuring Joe Tereshinski III instead of DJ Shockley, but I distinctly remember a certain ESPN show singing the praises of handsome Joe before the game and how he would bring down the lowly Gators. If only Howard/McShay were on set in those days, then they could have told us how Meyer would adapt and take down the Dawgs.
The Dawgs are playing tough these days but they have gotten fat off some bad teams. I can’t believe I’m gonna make this pick after all of my negativity but I feel Urb has his chi back.
Gators 21
Dawgs 20
ML
Dawgs 20
Gators 14
CB
FLORIDA 23
Jawga 21
ML
Missouri at Nebraska (-7)
Mizzou baby! Undefeated with one major hurdle in Lincoln before a possible conference championship game! What is the state of Missouri known for? Mark Twain? Harry Truman? Compromise? As to football, they remind me of the Gamecocks…simultaneously capable of great upsets and questionable losses. A loss to the Huskers would not fall under either category, as Nebraska has regained their mojo behind their dynamic running QB Martinez. If the Tigers can find a way to protect Blaine Gabbert, they can pull off another upset and make Don Draper very happy.
Sad Don 19
Happy Husker 31
CB
Mizzou 23
Huskers 28
EGM
Mizzou 28
Nebraska 17
6:00pm
CB
Auburn at Ole Miss (+7)
Anyone else hear that Cam Newton is good? Seriously, he’s playing so well, and flying real low under the radar so far. No one talks about him, I feel like I’m discovering him here on BourbonBoys! So, from now on, any talk you hear about Newton, you can trace the source back to Cuzzin Bailey. Anyways, I have heard a LOT of people predicting an upset for this game. I’m not sure I’m sold. Sure it took two unbelievable runs for these Tigers to beat the Bayou Tigers, but…oh wait, Ole Miss, in a losing effort gave Arkansas a run for its money last week. Hmmm. I guess what I’m thinking is the game is close, but real late Newton steals the Heisman, like it’s a laptop, and runs for a score to win the ballgame. I hope this doesn’t dampen the spirits in Oxford as I will be visiting my future in-laws next weekend there for some fun! This weekend I’ll be tweeting from the Cocktail Party and next weekend from Vaught-Hemingway!
Barn it! 27
Bear Down 21
EGM
Aubie 31
Ole Miss 28
ML
Tiggers 29
Yogi Bears 20
7:00pm
CB
Vanderbilt at Arkansas (-21)
I was thinking this was gonna be stock Vanderbilt, kind of a tough nut to crack. Not sure which team would show up, would they get pumped up for a big game, etc etc. Well, as it turns out this game should be pretty cut and dry. The Commodores beat up on the hapless Easter Michigan (Mascot’s) three games ago, but have since been decimated by SEC East foes. Meanwhile, there are talking heads out there saying that if the Razorbacks were in the East, they would run away with the division. Not sure why that had to be said, but going along with that logic, Vandy is in for some real trouble. Arky has two losses to, arguably, the best two teams in the conference, and both games were close-ish. Not sure why I’m spending so much time on this, its gonna be a blowout.
Nerds, books, blah blah 10
What’s a Book? We’re hicks 33
EGM
'Dores 3
Arky 31
ML
VanderDweeb 3
Boss Hawg 40
ML
Kentucky at Mississippi State (-7)
I remember the last time the Gators lost to Mississippi State. I complained about how we lost to a team that lost to Maine, now I can say that we lost to a team that needed a 2nd half rally to beat UAB, at home. Is Ron Zook really our coach again? Is he going to pull off an Urban Meyer mask during the 4th quarter? Anyway, MSU looks to right the ship at home and register their sixth straight victory of the year after nearly screwing the pooch against the Dragons from Birmingham. They face the Cats, whose 98th ranked defense is the perfect tonic for any team struggling on offense. If MSU has turned the corner, they should have no problem dispatching of the Cats.
Black Cats 20
Good luck for Dawgs 40
CB
Still Kensucky 28
Still Trash 34
EGM
KY 21
Miss State 20
Friday, October 22, 2010
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC 2010 - WEEK VIII
Cuzzin Bailey
Well, should I blame myself? Been to two Gator games, and we’ve lost both. Malt Licker was even at the LSU game. Curse of the Bourbon Boys? Speaking of Curses, AMC is showing a Friday the 13th marathon this week, and as its winding down, I kind of felt that Jason was personifying our struggles. I mean just when you think he’s dead (we’re driving down the field), BAM! A machete comes out of nowhere or you’re wrapped up in a sleeping bag getting slammed against a tree, and Jason or “fumbles” come back and the Bulldogs are running the ball 99% of the second half, wasting precious clock and any legit chance at a Gator comeback. Two camp counselors are about to make a baby (Trey Burton running stellar option), and Steve Addazio, er...uh Jason, comes at you with a spear gun (makes Johnny Brantley run the option). Loss of 4, lose momentum, another teenager dead. Okay, this is getting a little abstract…Hopefully the Gator bye week will allow Meyer to come out swinging against UGA. I don’t care if he runs bubble screens up and down the field (ala Zook in ‘02), win the game. Oh yea, in regards to last week, if you want to see how frustrating it is for a team to not throw the ball but still get first downs, watch that scene in BlackSheep where Farley and Spade are playing checkers and Spade, “NEVER MOVES HIS BACK ROW!!” That should sum it up. Good games this week, but whatever. Hey I’m on Twitter, and I’m hilarious www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
I absolutely love college football. Last week really cemented that fact for me. A few upsets and the unveiling of the BCS standings. Outside of a 48 hour step show festival, it doesn’t really get much better than last week’s games. The Gators are off this week but LSU-Auburn should fill the pleasure gap admirably. Unfortunately, neither of them run true “spread” offenses or else I would be in heaven. Maybe I’ll sneak in a morning viewing of UF-Miss State just to appease my admiration of that glorious offense and diverse, effective playcalling.
Malt Licker
When evaluating the Gators this year, all I can think about is that mediocre movie starring a bearded Clooney and Wahlberg, The Perfect Storm. Tebow leaves, Spikes, Haden & Co leave, Charlie Strong finally gets tabbed to run a program of his own, Tebow’s clone leaves the school, and Urban’s health issues cause him to take time off to recuperate and ask Addazio to take control of the entire program, coordinate the conclusion of recruiting, run the offense and coach the offensive line. To top things off, Tebow’s ’07 backup is now a Heisman front-runner for the Plainsmen. Is it any wonder our team is flailing around like Marky Mark in the Outer Banks? We don’t even get to think about Diane Lane naked. I can’t think of a program that needs a week off more. Now we can “perfect” the spread and that deadly swing pass to Emmanuel Moody.
FLORIDA (OFF) – ML has a special note for the UF bye week: “I think the Bye Week wins by 10 points, and I predict an arrest this weekend.”
12:21pm
ML
Ole Miss at Arkansas (-10)
Why is it that Petrino can put up 50 points with his backup quarterback and the Gators can only score 7 at home against Mississippi Freaking State? Watching Arkansas and Auburn run up and down the field last week made me sick to my stomach. I’d take Arky’s backup Tyler Wilson right now. He’d at least be able to lead Moody on these swing passes so that he can get back to the line of scrimmage instead of losing 4 yards. Did the Rebels get a chance to unveil “Rebel Bear” last week? Who feels worse? Urban watching Cam Newton highlights or Masoli watching the Ducks put 60 points on the board with total ease?
Paddington Bear 23
Hoggies 42
CB
Bears can be Rebels! 20
Pigs 31
EGM
Black Bears 17
Hawgs 24
3:30pm
CB
LSU at Auburn (-6.5)
Not going to say it, not going to say it…alright fine. For old time’s sake, “I guarantee the Tigers will win this game”…ugh. Look, this is going to be the game of the year, so far. I can hardly begin to describe how important this game is. The winner will control their destiny to get to Atlanta and MAYBE the National Championship game. These are the only two undefeateds in the SEC and Saturday circa 6pm, there will be only one. Everyone knows how lucky L”Les”U is, but you can’t JUST be lucky in this league. I actually feel like the Bayou Bengals will be able to move the ball against Auburn, cause War Eagle defense just ain’t their strong suit. No, The Plainsmen have this cat (yuck yuck) named Cam Newton. Former Gator player, constructively kicked off the team (his playing time was demoted) due to a moment of serious stupidity. That act of ignorance was followed by another one. When it was determined he was not the future of Gator football, UF’s coaches let him get away. Now he’s a heistman contender and leading a very potent offense. This is going to be a barn burner, and I just feel like there is too much at stake for this line to be this high. I like a close one here, Tigers by a late field goal…
Bayou 23
Barn 24
EGM
Tigers of LSU 28
Plainsmen of AU 24
ML
Tigers 10
Plainsmen 24
7:00pm
EGM
UAB at Mississippi State (-19.5)
If there is an offense I like more than the Gators, its Miss State’s. Chris Relf is a masterful thrower of the football and a slick runner. Dan Mullen has this team hitting on all cylinders after a wonderful offensive display in Gainesville. The real question for his team: will they break the NCAA record for passing yards and points in a game?
I don’t know much about UAB but they put up a strong fight against a disciplined and talented Tennessee team so I’m really surprised to see the line this high. The Dragons are also proud members of Conference USA which is home to some of the most dynamic football programs in the country. This game just has awesome written all over it. I know where I’ll be at 7pm.
Dragons 3
Miss State 31
ML
Maybe better than UF 3
Definitely better than UF 24
CB
Blue Blazers 7
Boring Dogs 28
CB
Alabama at Tennessee (+16.5)
The always dramatic “Third Saturday in October!” Okay the moniker hasn’t applied in a few years, but the intensity remains. Do yall remember that it took a last second field goal BLOCK for the Tide to remain in the fruitful National Title hunt last year??? I do. UT looked to be in control, but Bama came back late and the Vols last ditch effort was thwarted by the Crimson Tide. This year, Tennessee appears to be way down, new coach and all, but this is one of the most historic rivalries in the Conference and that can always play a part in how teams face each other. Will the Vol Navy come out in full force to cheer their Orange-clad warriors on, or will Bama flex their muscles as they attempt to return to form before they battle the two Tigers in November? UT wasn’t supposed to be in that game last year, and they were, but this year, Nick’s Boys have tasted their own blood. If they aren’t fired up for this game, knowing what’s at stake, then I don’t know anything. I like Bama big-ish as the game progresses, but look for some excitement early on!
BAMA 35
Vols 17
EGM
Crimson Tide 28
Vols 13
ML
Tide 34
Vols 10
ML
South Carolina at Vanderbilt (+12.5)
I’m thinking we may need to start calling the SEC East the AFC West. The Gamecocks managed to choke away a chance to take an almost insurmountable division lead by blowing a big lead in Lexington. Shit, as the Ol’ Ball Coach said this week, Vanderbilt is still in the hunt. To bury the ‘Dores, the Cocks will need to break an 8 game SEC road losing streak without their stud RB Lattimore, who will be out with an ankle injury. I don’t think I’ve watched one hour of Vanderbilt this year. They can’t be any less entertaining than the Gators.
Cocks 24
Vandy 14
CB
Choke Cocks 34
Vandie 14
EGM
Cocks 24
Vandy 12
7:30pm
EGM
Georgia at Kentucky (+3.5)
Shootout in Lexington! Randall Cobb v. Washaun Ealy. This is likely a game for the ages in the SEC. Two scrappy defenses trying to stop world class offenses. Two classy coaches. The bluegrass is in early fall bloom. I think I just shed a tear. I’ll be watching this one live for sure, but its also getting save until delete status on my Tivo.
Dawgs 31
Kats 28
ML
Dogs 31
Cats 24
CB
Dawgs 32
Cats 28
Well, should I blame myself? Been to two Gator games, and we’ve lost both. Malt Licker was even at the LSU game. Curse of the Bourbon Boys? Speaking of Curses, AMC is showing a Friday the 13th marathon this week, and as its winding down, I kind of felt that Jason was personifying our struggles. I mean just when you think he’s dead (we’re driving down the field), BAM! A machete comes out of nowhere or you’re wrapped up in a sleeping bag getting slammed against a tree, and Jason or “fumbles” come back and the Bulldogs are running the ball 99% of the second half, wasting precious clock and any legit chance at a Gator comeback. Two camp counselors are about to make a baby (Trey Burton running stellar option), and Steve Addazio, er...uh Jason, comes at you with a spear gun (makes Johnny Brantley run the option). Loss of 4, lose momentum, another teenager dead. Okay, this is getting a little abstract…Hopefully the Gator bye week will allow Meyer to come out swinging against UGA. I don’t care if he runs bubble screens up and down the field (ala Zook in ‘02), win the game. Oh yea, in regards to last week, if you want to see how frustrating it is for a team to not throw the ball but still get first downs, watch that scene in BlackSheep where Farley and Spade are playing checkers and Spade, “NEVER MOVES HIS BACK ROW!!” That should sum it up. Good games this week, but whatever. Hey I’m on Twitter, and I’m hilarious www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
El Gran Mono
I absolutely love college football. Last week really cemented that fact for me. A few upsets and the unveiling of the BCS standings. Outside of a 48 hour step show festival, it doesn’t really get much better than last week’s games. The Gators are off this week but LSU-Auburn should fill the pleasure gap admirably. Unfortunately, neither of them run true “spread” offenses or else I would be in heaven. Maybe I’ll sneak in a morning viewing of UF-Miss State just to appease my admiration of that glorious offense and diverse, effective playcalling.
Malt Licker
When evaluating the Gators this year, all I can think about is that mediocre movie starring a bearded Clooney and Wahlberg, The Perfect Storm. Tebow leaves, Spikes, Haden & Co leave, Charlie Strong finally gets tabbed to run a program of his own, Tebow’s clone leaves the school, and Urban’s health issues cause him to take time off to recuperate and ask Addazio to take control of the entire program, coordinate the conclusion of recruiting, run the offense and coach the offensive line. To top things off, Tebow’s ’07 backup is now a Heisman front-runner for the Plainsmen. Is it any wonder our team is flailing around like Marky Mark in the Outer Banks? We don’t even get to think about Diane Lane naked. I can’t think of a program that needs a week off more. Now we can “perfect” the spread and that deadly swing pass to Emmanuel Moody.
FLORIDA (OFF) – ML has a special note for the UF bye week: “I think the Bye Week wins by 10 points, and I predict an arrest this weekend.”
12:21pm
ML
Ole Miss at Arkansas (-10)
Why is it that Petrino can put up 50 points with his backup quarterback and the Gators can only score 7 at home against Mississippi Freaking State? Watching Arkansas and Auburn run up and down the field last week made me sick to my stomach. I’d take Arky’s backup Tyler Wilson right now. He’d at least be able to lead Moody on these swing passes so that he can get back to the line of scrimmage instead of losing 4 yards. Did the Rebels get a chance to unveil “Rebel Bear” last week? Who feels worse? Urban watching Cam Newton highlights or Masoli watching the Ducks put 60 points on the board with total ease?
Paddington Bear 23
Hoggies 42
CB
Bears can be Rebels! 20
Pigs 31
EGM
Black Bears 17
Hawgs 24
3:30pm
CB
LSU at Auburn (-6.5)
Not going to say it, not going to say it…alright fine. For old time’s sake, “I guarantee the Tigers will win this game”…ugh. Look, this is going to be the game of the year, so far. I can hardly begin to describe how important this game is. The winner will control their destiny to get to Atlanta and MAYBE the National Championship game. These are the only two undefeateds in the SEC and Saturday circa 6pm, there will be only one. Everyone knows how lucky L”Les”U is, but you can’t JUST be lucky in this league. I actually feel like the Bayou Bengals will be able to move the ball against Auburn, cause War Eagle defense just ain’t their strong suit. No, The Plainsmen have this cat (yuck yuck) named Cam Newton. Former Gator player, constructively kicked off the team (his playing time was demoted) due to a moment of serious stupidity. That act of ignorance was followed by another one. When it was determined he was not the future of Gator football, UF’s coaches let him get away. Now he’s a heistman contender and leading a very potent offense. This is going to be a barn burner, and I just feel like there is too much at stake for this line to be this high. I like a close one here, Tigers by a late field goal…
Bayou 23
Barn 24
EGM
Tigers of LSU 28
Plainsmen of AU 24
ML
Tigers 10
Plainsmen 24
7:00pm
EGM
UAB at Mississippi State (-19.5)
If there is an offense I like more than the Gators, its Miss State’s. Chris Relf is a masterful thrower of the football and a slick runner. Dan Mullen has this team hitting on all cylinders after a wonderful offensive display in Gainesville. The real question for his team: will they break the NCAA record for passing yards and points in a game?
I don’t know much about UAB but they put up a strong fight against a disciplined and talented Tennessee team so I’m really surprised to see the line this high. The Dragons are also proud members of Conference USA which is home to some of the most dynamic football programs in the country. This game just has awesome written all over it. I know where I’ll be at 7pm.
Dragons 3
Miss State 31
ML
Maybe better than UF 3
Definitely better than UF 24
CB
Blue Blazers 7
Boring Dogs 28
CB
Alabama at Tennessee (+16.5)
The always dramatic “Third Saturday in October!” Okay the moniker hasn’t applied in a few years, but the intensity remains. Do yall remember that it took a last second field goal BLOCK for the Tide to remain in the fruitful National Title hunt last year??? I do. UT looked to be in control, but Bama came back late and the Vols last ditch effort was thwarted by the Crimson Tide. This year, Tennessee appears to be way down, new coach and all, but this is one of the most historic rivalries in the Conference and that can always play a part in how teams face each other. Will the Vol Navy come out in full force to cheer their Orange-clad warriors on, or will Bama flex their muscles as they attempt to return to form before they battle the two Tigers in November? UT wasn’t supposed to be in that game last year, and they were, but this year, Nick’s Boys have tasted their own blood. If they aren’t fired up for this game, knowing what’s at stake, then I don’t know anything. I like Bama big-ish as the game progresses, but look for some excitement early on!
BAMA 35
Vols 17
EGM
Crimson Tide 28
Vols 13
ML
Tide 34
Vols 10
ML
South Carolina at Vanderbilt (+12.5)
I’m thinking we may need to start calling the SEC East the AFC West. The Gamecocks managed to choke away a chance to take an almost insurmountable division lead by blowing a big lead in Lexington. Shit, as the Ol’ Ball Coach said this week, Vanderbilt is still in the hunt. To bury the ‘Dores, the Cocks will need to break an 8 game SEC road losing streak without their stud RB Lattimore, who will be out with an ankle injury. I don’t think I’ve watched one hour of Vanderbilt this year. They can’t be any less entertaining than the Gators.
Cocks 24
Vandy 14
CB
Choke Cocks 34
Vandie 14
EGM
Cocks 24
Vandy 12
7:30pm
EGM
Georgia at Kentucky (+3.5)
Shootout in Lexington! Randall Cobb v. Washaun Ealy. This is likely a game for the ages in the SEC. Two scrappy defenses trying to stop world class offenses. Two classy coaches. The bluegrass is in early fall bloom. I think I just shed a tear. I’ll be watching this one live for sure, but its also getting save until delete status on my Tivo.
Dawgs 31
Kats 28
ML
Dogs 31
Cats 24
CB
Dawgs 32
Cats 28
Friday, October 15, 2010
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC 2010 - WEEK VII
Malt Licker
Ugh…could not be less enthused about this week’s edition of the Bourbon Boys. I’m totally negative about our Gators, and fully expect to lose another 2 or 3 games this year. If only the SEC had a tie-in to the Sun Bowl in El Paso. I’ve heard that’s a great trip. Another great trip is Peyote, which I recommend if you ever have to watch the Gators play offense. The good news (for everyone) is that I only have to write about two games this week. I’m mailing this week’s edition in so much I should put a stamp on it.
Cuzzin Bailey
In a slight change of pace, and with the mood around Bourbon Boy Central a bit grim, we decided to just stick to the slate of SEC games and give yall a shortened version of the Picks this week! Not sure why that deserved an exclamation point. Anyways, I was considering being a complete brat this week and just typing clichés and random words to express my frustration, but I think I got that out of my system on Saturday night after a few (lot) glasses of Maker’s Mark. I played a little game of “de-friend chicken” with the Gator Haters on Facebook. Like most late-night decisions, it made me feel good at the time, but the next day I regretted it, until I had the softball game of my life on Sunday! So I’m over feeling sorry for myself, over being sorry for the Gators, and no longer angry at terrible defense and not being able to recognize the most OBVIOUS fake field goal in the history of the sport. I’m ready to start anew, with new goals in mind. The Gators still hold their SEC destiny in their hands. Win the rest of our games (which aren’t against real powerhouses) and its off to Atlanta. Lose one, and it looks bad. This week we are playing the West Dawgs of Starkville. If this game were away I would cringe at the thought of cowbells and the second most intimidating high school stadium in the Country, (I’m sure the first is in West Canaan, TX). But this contest will be in the Swamp, and while that may not be an advantage against Les Miles and his Magic Hat, it should prove to be helpful against a hapless bottom feeding team in the very strong West Division.
El Gran Mono
Last week was certainly disappointing for Gator and Tide fans. Both groups thought they were head and shoulders above the rest of the SEC. OBC and Les Miles had something to say about that and Ol’ Cam Newton is proving he is more than just a laptop thief. This week brings the return of the Telestalker, Chris Rainey. Although he’s not supposed to play, it wouldn’t make a difference either way because he’s one of the Minus Two Crew (other member Emmanuel Moody). Clearly, the big game of the week is Arkansas v. Auburn but I’m also expecting a few “not so fast my friends” from the supposed elite or former elite of this great league.
(Tennessee – OFF)
12:21pm
CB
Vanderbilt at Georgia (-16.5)
Last week Vandy took care of Eastern Michigan as predicted, but UGA threw a(nother) wrench in my plans. Let’s just at this point in the season, it is VERY possible that Jawga could be the Gators. They played their asses off last week and knocked Tennessee back to basketball season (which is going to be a rude awakening when they have to fire their coach). AJ Green is who we thought he was. He is big and strong and has phenomenal hands. Everytime the Dawgs get inside the 15, they should just throw that fade route, watch Green eat it up. Also, new UGA in the house. I didn’t even realize the one we’ve been seeing was a substitute. That should be the real factor here…
Vahndabilt 10
Juh-ja 33
EGM
Vandy 10
UGA 31
ML
Vandy 13
UGA 23
3:30pm
CB
Arkansas at Auburn (-3)
The Auburn Tigers (enter more nicknames here) are one of two teams in the entire SEC to remain without a loss, which means that NEXT WEEK’S game against LSU will put that team in control of their destiny for the West and possibly more! That factor makes this weekend a TRAP GAME! You know, that game in which a team over looks their task at hand while looking forward to the one next on their schedule. Well this is the quintessential trap game. Last Saturday, Auburn had a hard time with Kentucky, meaning I way over estimated the Plainsmen defense. That does not bode well for this game. Arkansas can sling the ball around the field and hell, if Kentucky’s QB can throw for 83% and hit 3 receivers for 5-plus receptions each then imagine what a GOOD team will do. I’m gonna be stupid for a second. I’m gonna pick this upset cause hell, I have no idea which teams are gonna show up.
Arkanpass 23
Tigers Buy Hot Items 22
EGM
Arky 28
Aubie 27
ML
ARK-kansas 30
Luck-gonesas 28
6:00pm
EGM
South Carolina at Kentucky (+6)
Stevo finally got his big win at USC. But wait, he got that big win in his FIRST season by beating UF to prevent them from going to the SEC championship game. I think Bammer still has another conference loss in them so perhaps the BIG win will turn into just a big win. Listening to Finebaum this week, I learned that USC did not actually win the game last week so much as Bammer lost. I guess these people didn’t watch Stephen Garcia, Alshon Jefferey, and Marcus Lattimore shred the Bammer defense for four quarters.
KY almost made a crazy comeback against the hapless Auburn defense last week. Randall Cobb finds a way to score in some pretty remarkable ways. I’m betting the Cocks have the same problems with Cobb and this one goes to the wire.
Cocks 24
Kats 21
ML
Cocky Cocks 27
Snakebit Kats 22
CB
Cocks Let Down? 30
Kats Rally? 17
7:00pm
ML
Mississippi State at Florida (-8)
How can this pathetic team be favored over anyone? Our defensive backs couldn’t tackle me in the open field. Our only healthy running back is a drippy pussy who fumbles with ease. We have no pass rush. Our supposedly “great coach” was outsmarted by Les fucking Miles. I haven’t even touched on our train-wreck of an offense. Does it really take 2 months to figure out that Andre Debose might be effective on the jet sweep? Is it illegal to throw the ball to Carl Moore greater than 15 yards down the field? I know…let’s try to perfect the uber-choreographed “swing” pass to our drippy-pussy Running Back. Is it possible to pay Dan Mullen 10 million bucks a year to murder Addazio and call our plays on offense? At lease our fans aren’t entitled…
MSU 34
UF 4
CB
Cows? Dogs? 13
FLORIDA!! 30
EGM
Gators 21
Miss State 20
EGM
McNeese at LSU (Offline)
McNeese State is located in Lake Charles, Louisiana. They appear to have an awesome statue of a cowboy riding a bucking bronco on campus. They have just welcomed their sixth President, Dr. Philip C. Williams to campus. They also host a rodeo.
Although the presence of a rodeo with 500 miles usually distracts Les Miles, the Cajuns shouldn’t have any trouble with the Cowboys.
Cowboys 0
LSU 53
ML
McNeese Nuts 6
Les’ Balls 44
CB
McNeez 2
I hate LS-YOU 6 (last second 73 yard fake field goal)
9:00pm
ML
Ole Miss at Alabama (-20)
Well good, ‘Bama lost. I’d like to think it was due to a letdown after their “big match” against the mighty Gators, but you and I both know that is bullshit. The Spur-Dog just had his team ready to play and may have the best running back in the conference. Lattimore knifed through the Bama D like Jack the Ripper. The bad news is that now UF gets to look forward to watching him put up 145 yards and 3 TDs against Duke Lemmens & Co. I’m sure Saban started thinking of ways to make Ole Miss pay for the upset in Columbia. The good news for Ole Miss is they had a week off to prepare for this beating.
Wow…I just saw that Ole Miss finally named a new mascot. Get this, its Rebel Black Bear. Are you serious??? Were Trey Parker and Matt Stone unwilling to give up Sexual Harassment Panda or the Giant Douche? Margaret Ann Morgan, a co-chairman of the student mascot selection committee, said the bear was recommended because it had a Mississippi connection, would appeal to children and would be unique to the Southeastern Conference. Yea…uniquely gay. What connections do Bears have to Mississippians? Do they both like honey? Can they both not read? What a joke…
The Bears 0
The Tide 40
CB
New Mascot Alert! 20
BAMA 39
EGM
Homosexual Bears 3
Bammer 41
Ugh…could not be less enthused about this week’s edition of the Bourbon Boys. I’m totally negative about our Gators, and fully expect to lose another 2 or 3 games this year. If only the SEC had a tie-in to the Sun Bowl in El Paso. I’ve heard that’s a great trip. Another great trip is Peyote, which I recommend if you ever have to watch the Gators play offense. The good news (for everyone) is that I only have to write about two games this week. I’m mailing this week’s edition in so much I should put a stamp on it.
Cuzzin Bailey
In a slight change of pace, and with the mood around Bourbon Boy Central a bit grim, we decided to just stick to the slate of SEC games and give yall a shortened version of the Picks this week! Not sure why that deserved an exclamation point. Anyways, I was considering being a complete brat this week and just typing clichés and random words to express my frustration, but I think I got that out of my system on Saturday night after a few (lot) glasses of Maker’s Mark. I played a little game of “de-friend chicken” with the Gator Haters on Facebook. Like most late-night decisions, it made me feel good at the time, but the next day I regretted it, until I had the softball game of my life on Sunday! So I’m over feeling sorry for myself, over being sorry for the Gators, and no longer angry at terrible defense and not being able to recognize the most OBVIOUS fake field goal in the history of the sport. I’m ready to start anew, with new goals in mind. The Gators still hold their SEC destiny in their hands. Win the rest of our games (which aren’t against real powerhouses) and its off to Atlanta. Lose one, and it looks bad. This week we are playing the West Dawgs of Starkville. If this game were away I would cringe at the thought of cowbells and the second most intimidating high school stadium in the Country, (I’m sure the first is in West Canaan, TX). But this contest will be in the Swamp, and while that may not be an advantage against Les Miles and his Magic Hat, it should prove to be helpful against a hapless bottom feeding team in the very strong West Division.
El Gran Mono
Last week was certainly disappointing for Gator and Tide fans. Both groups thought they were head and shoulders above the rest of the SEC. OBC and Les Miles had something to say about that and Ol’ Cam Newton is proving he is more than just a laptop thief. This week brings the return of the Telestalker, Chris Rainey. Although he’s not supposed to play, it wouldn’t make a difference either way because he’s one of the Minus Two Crew (other member Emmanuel Moody). Clearly, the big game of the week is Arkansas v. Auburn but I’m also expecting a few “not so fast my friends” from the supposed elite or former elite of this great league.
(Tennessee – OFF)
12:21pm
CB
Vanderbilt at Georgia (-16.5)
Last week Vandy took care of Eastern Michigan as predicted, but UGA threw a(nother) wrench in my plans. Let’s just at this point in the season, it is VERY possible that Jawga could be the Gators. They played their asses off last week and knocked Tennessee back to basketball season (which is going to be a rude awakening when they have to fire their coach). AJ Green is who we thought he was. He is big and strong and has phenomenal hands. Everytime the Dawgs get inside the 15, they should just throw that fade route, watch Green eat it up. Also, new UGA in the house. I didn’t even realize the one we’ve been seeing was a substitute. That should be the real factor here…
Vahndabilt 10
Juh-ja 33
EGM
Vandy 10
UGA 31
ML
Vandy 13
UGA 23
3:30pm
CB
Arkansas at Auburn (-3)
The Auburn Tigers (enter more nicknames here) are one of two teams in the entire SEC to remain without a loss, which means that NEXT WEEK’S game against LSU will put that team in control of their destiny for the West and possibly more! That factor makes this weekend a TRAP GAME! You know, that game in which a team over looks their task at hand while looking forward to the one next on their schedule. Well this is the quintessential trap game. Last Saturday, Auburn had a hard time with Kentucky, meaning I way over estimated the Plainsmen defense. That does not bode well for this game. Arkansas can sling the ball around the field and hell, if Kentucky’s QB can throw for 83% and hit 3 receivers for 5-plus receptions each then imagine what a GOOD team will do. I’m gonna be stupid for a second. I’m gonna pick this upset cause hell, I have no idea which teams are gonna show up.
Arkanpass 23
Tigers Buy Hot Items 22
EGM
Arky 28
Aubie 27
ML
ARK-kansas 30
Luck-gonesas 28
6:00pm
EGM
South Carolina at Kentucky (+6)
Stevo finally got his big win at USC. But wait, he got that big win in his FIRST season by beating UF to prevent them from going to the SEC championship game. I think Bammer still has another conference loss in them so perhaps the BIG win will turn into just a big win. Listening to Finebaum this week, I learned that USC did not actually win the game last week so much as Bammer lost. I guess these people didn’t watch Stephen Garcia, Alshon Jefferey, and Marcus Lattimore shred the Bammer defense for four quarters.
KY almost made a crazy comeback against the hapless Auburn defense last week. Randall Cobb finds a way to score in some pretty remarkable ways. I’m betting the Cocks have the same problems with Cobb and this one goes to the wire.
Cocks 24
Kats 21
ML
Cocky Cocks 27
Snakebit Kats 22
CB
Cocks Let Down? 30
Kats Rally? 17
7:00pm
ML
Mississippi State at Florida (-8)
How can this pathetic team be favored over anyone? Our defensive backs couldn’t tackle me in the open field. Our only healthy running back is a drippy pussy who fumbles with ease. We have no pass rush. Our supposedly “great coach” was outsmarted by Les fucking Miles. I haven’t even touched on our train-wreck of an offense. Does it really take 2 months to figure out that Andre Debose might be effective on the jet sweep? Is it illegal to throw the ball to Carl Moore greater than 15 yards down the field? I know…let’s try to perfect the uber-choreographed “swing” pass to our drippy-pussy Running Back. Is it possible to pay Dan Mullen 10 million bucks a year to murder Addazio and call our plays on offense? At lease our fans aren’t entitled…
MSU 34
UF 4
CB
Cows? Dogs? 13
FLORIDA!! 30
EGM
Gators 21
Miss State 20
EGM
McNeese at LSU (Offline)
McNeese State is located in Lake Charles, Louisiana. They appear to have an awesome statue of a cowboy riding a bucking bronco on campus. They have just welcomed their sixth President, Dr. Philip C. Williams to campus. They also host a rodeo.
Although the presence of a rodeo with 500 miles usually distracts Les Miles, the Cajuns shouldn’t have any trouble with the Cowboys.
Cowboys 0
LSU 53
ML
McNeese Nuts 6
Les’ Balls 44
CB
McNeez 2
I hate LS-YOU 6 (last second 73 yard fake field goal)
9:00pm
ML
Ole Miss at Alabama (-20)
Well good, ‘Bama lost. I’d like to think it was due to a letdown after their “big match” against the mighty Gators, but you and I both know that is bullshit. The Spur-Dog just had his team ready to play and may have the best running back in the conference. Lattimore knifed through the Bama D like Jack the Ripper. The bad news is that now UF gets to look forward to watching him put up 145 yards and 3 TDs against Duke Lemmens & Co. I’m sure Saban started thinking of ways to make Ole Miss pay for the upset in Columbia. The good news for Ole Miss is they had a week off to prepare for this beating.
Wow…I just saw that Ole Miss finally named a new mascot. Get this, its Rebel Black Bear. Are you serious??? Were Trey Parker and Matt Stone unwilling to give up Sexual Harassment Panda or the Giant Douche? Margaret Ann Morgan, a co-chairman of the student mascot selection committee, said the bear was recommended because it had a Mississippi connection, would appeal to children and would be unique to the Southeastern Conference. Yea…uniquely gay. What connections do Bears have to Mississippians? Do they both like honey? Can they both not read? What a joke…
The Bears 0
The Tide 40
CB
New Mascot Alert! 20
BAMA 39
EGM
Homosexual Bears 3
Bammer 41
Thursday, October 07, 2010
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC 2010 - WEEK VI
El Gran Mono
Well last week certainly taught us a few things about the SEC. It confirmed once again, that Les Miles is a moron and Nick Saban is an assassin. It also showed that Uga is really awful and not jut the victim of the sec. And finally, it displayed what happens to a young, uncoached team without an identity...I'll let you decide who that was.
Malt Licker
So I went to Tuscaloosa last weekend and some of my cohorts had the opportunity to hang out with Addazio’s sister, they reported that she said the same 4 or 5 phrases over and over all evening. I’m sorry I missed it. However, despite the outcome, I’m not sorry I decided to head to Tuscaloosa for the game. It truly is a one-of-a-kind scene. We were all taken aback by the friendliness of the ‘Bama faithful, its like they knew they were going to bitch-slap us. It was good meeting up with Cuzzin Bailey and mega-thanks to the soon-to-be Mrs. CB for putting together a fabulous spread Saturday afternoon. If not for that sustenance my liver would have exploded. If anyone plans to head to Tuscaloosa and tailgate on the quad, take my advice, it is not necessary to endure the fiasco of trying to reserve space the night before the game. If you show up early enough there will be plenty of space to party.
Cuzzin Bailey
Well the Rays are certainly not piquing my interest which is a good thing for Gator football. But first things first, last weekend, aside from the game, was outstanding. My Bourbon Girl set up a phenomenal party for my family, friends and me! It was stocked with phenomenal BBQ, fried chicken and all the Knob Creeks I could “handle,” (get it, we got a handle of it…actually it didn’t have a handle but it was the size of…alright forget it). And of course I tried my standard routine of trying to drink all the bourbon and beer that they made, but you know booze companies…they keep making more. Anyways, its clear it would have been a different game had we actually scored touchdowns on our trips inside the redzone, but give Bama credit. They survived our advances and kept Bryant-Denny rocking til the end. Btw, to all those concerned, the secret pocket I sewed into my boxers helped me sneak in at least 8 minis of Jim Beam, (truth be told I can’t remember how many I brought in). Anyways, I’m kinda busy watching Navy Seals right now, if you could just come back later for my picks, that would be greaaaat…Oh yea, and if you want to continue reading the hilarious/angry comments: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey
(Ole Miss – OFF) – Last week we decided to stop writing about teams with bye weeks…it just makes sense.
12:21pm
CB
Tennessee at Georgia (-13)
Not sure if you can tell, but I drew the short end of the damn stick this week! This is the best you’re gonna get from me. Both these teams lost last week. In fact, the only reason the SEC East wasn’t swept last weekend is cause the Cocks were off. The Dawgs lost at freaking Colorado, and UT played the Bayou Bengals admirably but, lost after they won? The Vols had too many men on the field when LSU blew their clock management AGAIN thereby giving The Hat another shot at redemption. These two jokers are a combined 0-5 in conference and the only thing that’s gonna matter after Saturday is that one won’t look like so shitty on paper. Clearly the addition of AJ Green to Team UGA wasn’t all it was cracked up to be and that’s why I have no idea why this line is so high. I mean I saw that Jawga hung in with the Hawgs earlier in the season, but they just lost to Colorado, how many times must this be said before it sinks in??? I don’t know which crappy team I like better here, but while I’m rooting for UT b/c we have the tie-breaker on them, I think I might as well at least follow Vegas’ lead in deciding who wins…
Vuls Suck 23
So do da Dawgs 24
EGM
Vols 14
Dawgs 24
ML
Smokey 11+2 = Loss
UGA 20
3:30pm
ML
Alabama at South Carolina (+6.5)
Kind of a set-up game for the Tide here as they go on the road to face their third straight ranked opponent. The Cocks are coming off a bye week, which gave them a chance to lick their wounds after blowing a lead to Auburn and focus on the defending champs. Unfortunately for Spurrier, his alma mater did not make Alabama work one iota last week. Bama opened up such an early lead they were able to play their milquetoast/TBS baseball announcer offense and take the air out of the ball while the Gators continued to run dives off the read option for 4 yard losses. Julio Jones is banged up so if the ‘Cocks can actually, you know, score Touchdowns while inside the five, they might just shock the world. The good news is they have a stud RB who can actually break tackles and a coach with no patience for bad snaps and fumbles.
‘Bama 26
‘Lina 20
CB
BAMA 30
Sorth Carolina 20
EGM
Tide 31
Cocks 13
EGM
Arkansas at Texas A&M (+7)
When I first saw the line as arky +7 I almost booked a flight to Vegas. Turns out the line is -7 but I'm still thinking about the flight. Damn work getting in the way though. Tejas A&M is your standard USFL team, lots of tossing it around and big scoring. Unfortunately for them, they are not playing in that league this week and must face real competition. Arky is still a little pissed about he Bammer game and they will take it out on the Aggs this Saturday.
Aggs 17
Hawgs 38
ML
Hawgies 35
Aggies 20
CB
Arky 34
Another Crappy Texas Team 13
ML
Michigan State at Michigan (-5)
The Big House will be packed this Saturday, and the scoreboard might break, as both schools ride in undefeated with high-scoring offenses and porous defenses. I just checked out the over/under and it is coming in at a relatively low 64. Am I missing something? Is there an early blizzard scheduled for the Lower Peninsula? If I were a betting man, I’d be all over that line. As for the game, there are a bunch of interesting subplots. Can Denard Robinson continue to single-handedly account for 99.9999% of Michigan’s offense? Will MSU coach Mark Dantonio call another crazy fake and almost croak? Will Sparty take home the Paul Bunyan Trophy for the third consecutive year? Since both of these teams played and beat Notre Dame, and both have defensive vulnerabilities similar to the Irish, does it strain credulity to think this game will be similar to when they each played Notre Dame? This game will be similar to the BC/Miami game of 1984, with one team trying to take as much time off the clock before the winning score. The only questions are a) who will be that team? And b) does the other team have some Flutie magic?
Sparty 38
Black Flutie 41
CB
Shoelace 27
HeartAttack 26
EGM
Sparty 28
Denard 24
7:00pm
CB
Eastern Michigan at Vanderbilt (-25)
I have some nice things to say about Michigan, they had lovely Florida-fall weather in mid-September and everyone was great. Now that I’ve said that, I have absolutely no idea what to expect from the Eagles. Wait, just looked at their record, now I know what to expect. Remember that scene in Starship Troopers when the infantry first went to the Bug Planet and got owned? This is gonna be close, just less deaths. Sounds like EMU is God awful, and Vandy seems be able to rush the ball decently enough. The line might be a Vegas attempt to sucker people into betting on the Commodores, but honestly, when the hell was the last time that happened??
Emus 6
I’d Rather be Studyin’ 36
EGM
East Hades 10
Dores 28
ML
Eagles 2
‘Dores 35
7:30pm
EGM
LSU at Florida (-7)
The last time the gators got pasted by Alabama they reacted pretty well. Granted they had weeks to recover and were playing a team with a DI-AA defense but they still played well. In fact, they even opened up the the offense a little and got great results.
Last week against bammer, people were open and even got the ball in the open field. It just so happened that the gators couldn't make that final effort and punch it in. After being pissed for 48 hours, I'm actually quite optimistic about this gator team.
As for lsu, they have a strong defense, no offense, and a clown for head coach. Only one of those things helps in the swamp at night. And even that will wear down.
Tigers 7
Gator 32
ML
Tiguhz 6
Gatuhz 14
CB
LSU Bleauxs! 10
FLORIDA! 24
CB
Auburn at Kentucky (+7.5)
I like how the line is almost like a backhanded compliment to the ‘Cats…they haven’t been able to stop ANYONE this year! And it ain’t like Aw-Barn is struggin on offense. As much as I hate to admit it, Cam Newton is unbelievable and while I’m glad we don’t have his stolen-laptop-buying ass on our team, I sure as hell wish we had a player like him. He is going to run/pass/blast through and over and by Kensucky and its not going to be close. God my stomach hurts just slightly singing the Tigers/Plainsmen/War Eagle praises. I hate them, but I’m not too stubborn (this week) to follow my gut.
Big Cats 42
Lil’ Catz 20
EGM
Plainsmen 27
KY 14
ML
Plainsmen 20
Horsemen 24
8:00pm
EGM
Mississippi State at Houston (+5)
Houston lost their stud qb earlier this year. Without him they will have serious trouble with average Miss State. Mullen has this team on the right track but giving points on the road? I don't think so
Dogs 31
Cougs 28
ML
Bulldogs 28
Cougars 21
CB
Mullen’s Dawgs 34
Phi Slamma Crappa 17
ML
Florida State at Miami (-7)
Remember when this game was relevant? I do, the first college football game I ever attended was between FSU and Miami at the Doak back in 1987. It was a classic, with Michael Irvin leading the Canes back. It seems like a long time ago, both for me and for these two programs, who have not been relevant on the national stage in years. ESPNABC is trying to hype this game up, but much like the two starting quarterbacks, it won’t pan out. Sure, it will probably be a close game, but it will be a game riddled with penalties, dropped passes, and interceptions. I can’t believe the Canes are a 7 point favorite. With Jacory “jam it into triple coverage” Harris under center, that number is way too high. People keep telling me Christian Ponder is good too, but every time I watch him play he either sucks, gets hurt, or both. He’s like a hooker with an abusive pimp. The good news is hookers with abusive pimps are careful, so Ponder will make less mistakes than Harris, which should secure a cover for the Criminole$
F$U 20
$cum 24
CB
Seminoli Means Runaway (in Creek) 23
Angry Weather! 28
EGM
Semis 28
Canes 24
Well last week certainly taught us a few things about the SEC. It confirmed once again, that Les Miles is a moron and Nick Saban is an assassin. It also showed that Uga is really awful and not jut the victim of the sec. And finally, it displayed what happens to a young, uncoached team without an identity...I'll let you decide who that was.
Malt Licker
So I went to Tuscaloosa last weekend and some of my cohorts had the opportunity to hang out with Addazio’s sister, they reported that she said the same 4 or 5 phrases over and over all evening. I’m sorry I missed it. However, despite the outcome, I’m not sorry I decided to head to Tuscaloosa for the game. It truly is a one-of-a-kind scene. We were all taken aback by the friendliness of the ‘Bama faithful, its like they knew they were going to bitch-slap us. It was good meeting up with Cuzzin Bailey and mega-thanks to the soon-to-be Mrs. CB for putting together a fabulous spread Saturday afternoon. If not for that sustenance my liver would have exploded. If anyone plans to head to Tuscaloosa and tailgate on the quad, take my advice, it is not necessary to endure the fiasco of trying to reserve space the night before the game. If you show up early enough there will be plenty of space to party.
Cuzzin Bailey
Well the Rays are certainly not piquing my interest which is a good thing for Gator football. But first things first, last weekend, aside from the game, was outstanding. My Bourbon Girl set up a phenomenal party for my family, friends and me! It was stocked with phenomenal BBQ, fried chicken and all the Knob Creeks I could “handle,” (get it, we got a handle of it…actually it didn’t have a handle but it was the size of…alright forget it). And of course I tried my standard routine of trying to drink all the bourbon and beer that they made, but you know booze companies…they keep making more. Anyways, its clear it would have been a different game had we actually scored touchdowns on our trips inside the redzone, but give Bama credit. They survived our advances and kept Bryant-Denny rocking til the end. Btw, to all those concerned, the secret pocket I sewed into my boxers helped me sneak in at least 8 minis of Jim Beam, (truth be told I can’t remember how many I brought in). Anyways, I’m kinda busy watching Navy Seals right now, if you could just come back later for my picks, that would be greaaaat…Oh yea, and if you want to continue reading the hilarious/angry comments: http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey
(Ole Miss – OFF) – Last week we decided to stop writing about teams with bye weeks…it just makes sense.
12:21pm
CB
Tennessee at Georgia (-13)
Not sure if you can tell, but I drew the short end of the damn stick this week! This is the best you’re gonna get from me. Both these teams lost last week. In fact, the only reason the SEC East wasn’t swept last weekend is cause the Cocks were off. The Dawgs lost at freaking Colorado, and UT played the Bayou Bengals admirably but, lost after they won? The Vols had too many men on the field when LSU blew their clock management AGAIN thereby giving The Hat another shot at redemption. These two jokers are a combined 0-5 in conference and the only thing that’s gonna matter after Saturday is that one won’t look like so shitty on paper. Clearly the addition of AJ Green to Team UGA wasn’t all it was cracked up to be and that’s why I have no idea why this line is so high. I mean I saw that Jawga hung in with the Hawgs earlier in the season, but they just lost to Colorado, how many times must this be said before it sinks in??? I don’t know which crappy team I like better here, but while I’m rooting for UT b/c we have the tie-breaker on them, I think I might as well at least follow Vegas’ lead in deciding who wins…
Vuls Suck 23
So do da Dawgs 24
EGM
Vols 14
Dawgs 24
ML
Smokey 11+2 = Loss
UGA 20
3:30pm
ML
Alabama at South Carolina (+6.5)
Kind of a set-up game for the Tide here as they go on the road to face their third straight ranked opponent. The Cocks are coming off a bye week, which gave them a chance to lick their wounds after blowing a lead to Auburn and focus on the defending champs. Unfortunately for Spurrier, his alma mater did not make Alabama work one iota last week. Bama opened up such an early lead they were able to play their milquetoast/TBS baseball announcer offense and take the air out of the ball while the Gators continued to run dives off the read option for 4 yard losses. Julio Jones is banged up so if the ‘Cocks can actually, you know, score Touchdowns while inside the five, they might just shock the world. The good news is they have a stud RB who can actually break tackles and a coach with no patience for bad snaps and fumbles.
‘Bama 26
‘Lina 20
CB
BAMA 30
Sorth Carolina 20
EGM
Tide 31
Cocks 13
EGM
Arkansas at Texas A&M (+7)
When I first saw the line as arky +7 I almost booked a flight to Vegas. Turns out the line is -7 but I'm still thinking about the flight. Damn work getting in the way though. Tejas A&M is your standard USFL team, lots of tossing it around and big scoring. Unfortunately for them, they are not playing in that league this week and must face real competition. Arky is still a little pissed about he Bammer game and they will take it out on the Aggs this Saturday.
Aggs 17
Hawgs 38
ML
Hawgies 35
Aggies 20
CB
Arky 34
Another Crappy Texas Team 13
ML
Michigan State at Michigan (-5)
The Big House will be packed this Saturday, and the scoreboard might break, as both schools ride in undefeated with high-scoring offenses and porous defenses. I just checked out the over/under and it is coming in at a relatively low 64. Am I missing something? Is there an early blizzard scheduled for the Lower Peninsula? If I were a betting man, I’d be all over that line. As for the game, there are a bunch of interesting subplots. Can Denard Robinson continue to single-handedly account for 99.9999% of Michigan’s offense? Will MSU coach Mark Dantonio call another crazy fake and almost croak? Will Sparty take home the Paul Bunyan Trophy for the third consecutive year? Since both of these teams played and beat Notre Dame, and both have defensive vulnerabilities similar to the Irish, does it strain credulity to think this game will be similar to when they each played Notre Dame? This game will be similar to the BC/Miami game of 1984, with one team trying to take as much time off the clock before the winning score. The only questions are a) who will be that team? And b) does the other team have some Flutie magic?
Sparty 38
Black Flutie 41
CB
Shoelace 27
HeartAttack 26
EGM
Sparty 28
Denard 24
7:00pm
CB
Eastern Michigan at Vanderbilt (-25)
I have some nice things to say about Michigan, they had lovely Florida-fall weather in mid-September and everyone was great. Now that I’ve said that, I have absolutely no idea what to expect from the Eagles. Wait, just looked at their record, now I know what to expect. Remember that scene in Starship Troopers when the infantry first went to the Bug Planet and got owned? This is gonna be close, just less deaths. Sounds like EMU is God awful, and Vandy seems be able to rush the ball decently enough. The line might be a Vegas attempt to sucker people into betting on the Commodores, but honestly, when the hell was the last time that happened??
Emus 6
I’d Rather be Studyin’ 36
EGM
East Hades 10
Dores 28
ML
Eagles 2
‘Dores 35
7:30pm
EGM
LSU at Florida (-7)
The last time the gators got pasted by Alabama they reacted pretty well. Granted they had weeks to recover and were playing a team with a DI-AA defense but they still played well. In fact, they even opened up the the offense a little and got great results.
Last week against bammer, people were open and even got the ball in the open field. It just so happened that the gators couldn't make that final effort and punch it in. After being pissed for 48 hours, I'm actually quite optimistic about this gator team.
As for lsu, they have a strong defense, no offense, and a clown for head coach. Only one of those things helps in the swamp at night. And even that will wear down.
Tigers 7
Gator 32
ML
Tiguhz 6
Gatuhz 14
CB
LSU Bleauxs! 10
FLORIDA! 24
CB
Auburn at Kentucky (+7.5)
I like how the line is almost like a backhanded compliment to the ‘Cats…they haven’t been able to stop ANYONE this year! And it ain’t like Aw-Barn is struggin on offense. As much as I hate to admit it, Cam Newton is unbelievable and while I’m glad we don’t have his stolen-laptop-buying ass on our team, I sure as hell wish we had a player like him. He is going to run/pass/blast through and over and by Kensucky and its not going to be close. God my stomach hurts just slightly singing the Tigers/Plainsmen/War Eagle praises. I hate them, but I’m not too stubborn (this week) to follow my gut.
Big Cats 42
Lil’ Catz 20
EGM
Plainsmen 27
KY 14
ML
Plainsmen 20
Horsemen 24
8:00pm
EGM
Mississippi State at Houston (+5)
Houston lost their stud qb earlier this year. Without him they will have serious trouble with average Miss State. Mullen has this team on the right track but giving points on the road? I don't think so
Dogs 31
Cougs 28
ML
Bulldogs 28
Cougars 21
CB
Mullen’s Dawgs 34
Phi Slamma Crappa 17
ML
Florida State at Miami (-7)
Remember when this game was relevant? I do, the first college football game I ever attended was between FSU and Miami at the Doak back in 1987. It was a classic, with Michael Irvin leading the Canes back. It seems like a long time ago, both for me and for these two programs, who have not been relevant on the national stage in years. ESPNABC is trying to hype this game up, but much like the two starting quarterbacks, it won’t pan out. Sure, it will probably be a close game, but it will be a game riddled with penalties, dropped passes, and interceptions. I can’t believe the Canes are a 7 point favorite. With Jacory “jam it into triple coverage” Harris under center, that number is way too high. People keep telling me Christian Ponder is good too, but every time I watch him play he either sucks, gets hurt, or both. He’s like a hooker with an abusive pimp. The good news is hookers with abusive pimps are careful, so Ponder will make less mistakes than Harris, which should secure a cover for the Criminole$
F$U 20
$cum 24
CB
Seminoli Means Runaway (in Creek) 23
Angry Weather! 28
EGM
Semis 28
Canes 24
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC 2010 - WEEK V
Cuzzin Bailey
Okay, this is Bama/UF week and I am sitting here reading a book written by Alan Dershowitz for school. I hate this class. I should be thinking only of the game this week, not some liberal blowhard who is claiming to offer advice, and tomorrow I get to report back to my professor who is trying to be Dershowitz’s equal in blowhardery. ANYWAYS…This is game is, so far, the game of the year. While it won’t “break” the loser’s season, it sure will give some crazy confidence and conference control to the team that wins! I am gonna be there visiting my bourbon girl and Malt Licker is scheduled to make an appearance as well! Gonna be a great one, primetime in Tuscaloosa, Florida vs. Alabama! Man I am so jacked, and for one brief moment my mind was taken off that scumbag teacher! Go Gators! Oh and as always, follow me on twitter at http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey It may not always make sense but I got a shout out for Dickie V last night and it pretty much made this whole thing worth it!
El Gran Mono
Its been a crazy week, and thank goodness because business has kept my mind off Saturday night. I was hoping to spend this weekend celebrating CB’s birthday amongst the company of good friends and strong beverages. Twas not to be, I guess I’ll have to enjoy Game of the Year Part I in HD…and I’m not talking about Oregon-Stanford.
Last week, saw the advent of Trey Touchdown Burton and the decline of Ryan Mallett. I know a lot of people think Mallett is still great but after watching him melt under pressure I don’t think he’s 1st Round. Who will be the hero’s of this week’s game? My guess…Knob Creek.
Malt Licker
BIG GAME WEEKEND!!!! As I’m sure CB has already told you, 2/3 of the Bourbon Boys will be rendezvous-ing in Tuscaloosa for CB’s 50th birthday. It’s hard to imagine he’s lived this long. With his steady diet of scotch, smack and cigarettes, he truly gives Keith Richards a run for his money. BIG GAME WEEKEND!!!! The college football world will (once again) fix its eyes on the SEC, for Urban/Saban Part III. The last time I visited Tuscaloosa, the Bourbon Boys +1 packed into a car and drove 8 hours to conduct an experiment with Popov and Gatorade. The P&G beat EGM, but I think CB and ML held it to a draw. By the way…..BIG GAME WEEKEND!!!!
12:00pm
ML
Vanderbilt at Connecticut (-6.5)
If Bama/UF is Mount Everest, this matchup is the Mariana Trench. Do they even know what a football looks like in Connecticut? If this were a matchup in women’s “basketball” it might be interesting…wait, what am I saying? Unless you love mountain bikes, the Indigo Girls, and Subaru Forester’s you will not be into that either. I’d also be shocked if anyone from Connecticut has ever read this blog.
Lady Dores 31
Lady Huskies 30
CB
Vandie 17
UCONN, football? 24
EGM
Commodes 13
Huskies 21
ML
Louisiana-Monroe at Auburn (-34)
Jeez…can we sink any further? I think this is the second La-Mo game I’ve had the displeasure of covering. Auburn used their mojo again last week, with another thrilling victory at night in Jordan-Hare. There will be very little drama this week. I get the feeling La-Mo’s defense will make it look like even Cam Newton can throw.
La-Mon Williams 3
Plainsmen 40
CB
Lou-Mon 7
Au-BARN 50
EGM
Plainsmen 51
LaMo 20
CB
Alcorn at Mississippi St (NL)
MSU took care of the Fancy pants dawgs from the East last weekend sending UGA into a downward spiral! I’m not celebrating a rival losing 3 straight SEC games, but its kind of funny when said rival talks more smack than any other team about how great they’re gonna be but they usually ain’t. Its pretty clear that Danny Boy Mullen is gonna unload on Steve McNair’s alma mater this weekend. Wow, how many of you had Cuzzin Bailey making a McNair reference and not mention his illicit affair and untimely demise? Oh wait, I guess that was it! Sucks he’s dead, but it’s a great lesson, DON’T FOOL AROUND!!
Turrible 10
Cowbell WOOOOOOO!! 45
ML
McNair U 10
Mullen U 40
EGM
Alcorn St 0
Miss State 500
12:21pm
EGM
Kentucky at Ole Miss (-2)
Ole Miss should not be favored over ANYONE in the SEC. They are just plain bad. KY might not be as good as they talked before the UF game but they are significantly better than the Akbars. Houston Nutt’s magic appears to have ended the second Dexter McCluster got drafted. The Akbars don’t really do anything well and that includes defense. I expect Randall Cobb to get loose on a number of occasions and Hartline should dissect the Akbar secondary. There will be a lot of faux worn-in hats low across the brow this Saturday.
Kitties 28
Shitties 17
ML
‘Kats 33
Rebs 28
CB
Cats 24
Rebels 21
3:30pm
EGM
Tennessee at LSU (-14.5)
I remember when this game actually meant something. These days its just a practice game before LSU gets into the 0-4 portion of their schedule. The Vols are so bad its not worth discussing but I really wonder about the 14+ points they are giving. Perhaps, the bookies are assuming multiple Peterson TDs because JJeff is regressing each week towards absolute zero. LSU’s defense is the real deal but I have real questions about whether there will be 14 points total in this game. I’ll go with Cuzz’s theory about Simms and his love of picks.
Vols 0
Tigers 17
ML
Smokey 10
Mike 19
CB
Matt Simms sucks 17
Patterson loves him 30
EGM
Texas vs. Oklahoma (at Dallas) (-4)
Much like UT-LSU, I remember when this game actually meant something. I guess it still means a little to Joklahoma but with the way their defense is playing I’m assuming they’ve got a loss or two on their schedule. Perhaps, one of those losses will be to the Longhorns who are coming off a devastating loss to D-IAA look alike UCLA. However, Tejas can’t run the ball at all and that makes them vulnerable every week. Stoops isn’t a terrible coach and should be able to shut down the predictable Horns. Oklahoma is much more balanced on offense and that should be the difference.
Horns 17
Sooners 28
ML
Bruin Roadkill 13
Sooners 24
CB
Tom Landry Middle School 23
Oklahomo 28
7:00pm
CB
Georgia at Colorado (+4)
It’s desperation time in Athens. Not that this game is in Athens, but you can sense the desperation all the way in Jax. Some UGA fans have confessed to me that they may not even watch this game. If we made these picks at the beginning of the year, I would have given CU 15 points at home because: They Suck, and UGA is in the SEC. Now is one of those appropriate times for the cliché, “that’s why the play the games.” Jawga wasn’t supposed to be 0-3 in the SEC and should have been a huge favorite here. The only saving grace for the Dawgs is that AJ “the Jersey” Green is back. And against my better judgment, I think that will make the difference…I can’t believe I’m doing this.
UhGod 24
Generally suck esp at home 19
EGM
Dawgs 31
Buffs 24
ML
UGAy 27
Buffs 20
8:00pm
CB
Florida at Alabama (-9)
Aw man, I just found out this Saturday I’m gonna miss the Little House on the Prairie marathon on Hallmark Channel!! Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to party with my girl, my family and some great friends before the Gators take on the Tiiide! I can always DVR Little House, HAHA! Last year, the Gators got smacked down in the SEC Championship game by Bama. Call it great play calling, or bad tackling but either way, it was an ass whopping. The Tide were exacting some serious revenge on the Gators from the 08 SEC Champ Game and hopefully this year Urban and crew have spent the offseason devising a plan for a little payback of their own. I’m thinking these early season wrinkles have been ironed out and now its time to open up that vaunted yet always changing Spread-option playbook! I’m not going to mince words, Bama is the team to beat this year, for the past 4 years we have felt that way and now its another team with the target on its back. I don’t think we are going to be “surprised” by Alabama, and why should we; everything they do seems to work out, so why change it. Their team strength, speed, and talent are the reason they are the hunted ones this year, and its gonna be up to the Gators and quite a few youngsters to shock the world in T-Town Saturday night. Speaking of youngsters, we have a new starting QB, and multi-faceted QB/RB/WR/TE/FB who scores 6 touchdowns in the blink of an eye. Our Line and Linebackers have shown some positives and our Secondary is as steady as I expected. The only problem is, our secondary may not be tested as much as I would like. Urban said we will be going with a “heavy package” (that’s what she said). This means we’re going to have FIVE down linemen. I guess we did it in Knoxville but, as you all know, I was at a wedding.
FLORIDA (total homer call) 24
BAMA 23
EGM
Gators 21
Bamer 24
ML
Tide 24
Gators 10
ML
Stanford at Oregon (-7)
Man…it’s big game weekend on the west coast this week too. This is a super sexy matchup. The high flying Ducks light up the scoreboard like a pinball machine, while the super efficient Cardinal methodically dismantle their opponents behind Andrew Luck’s arm and Jim Harbaugh’s tutelage. If I had no other allegiance and lived anywhere west of the Rockies, Autzen Stadium would be a prime destination. For some reason I see Jim Harbaugh and his amazing jaw-line willing his team to a big upset over the Quack Attack
SU 37
OU 30
CB
Stansbury 24
DUX 28
EGM
Indians 31
Duckies 39
Okay, this is Bama/UF week and I am sitting here reading a book written by Alan Dershowitz for school. I hate this class. I should be thinking only of the game this week, not some liberal blowhard who is claiming to offer advice, and tomorrow I get to report back to my professor who is trying to be Dershowitz’s equal in blowhardery. ANYWAYS…This is game is, so far, the game of the year. While it won’t “break” the loser’s season, it sure will give some crazy confidence and conference control to the team that wins! I am gonna be there visiting my bourbon girl and Malt Licker is scheduled to make an appearance as well! Gonna be a great one, primetime in Tuscaloosa, Florida vs. Alabama! Man I am so jacked, and for one brief moment my mind was taken off that scumbag teacher! Go Gators! Oh and as always, follow me on twitter at http://twitter.com/CuzzinBailey It may not always make sense but I got a shout out for Dickie V last night and it pretty much made this whole thing worth it!
El Gran Mono
Its been a crazy week, and thank goodness because business has kept my mind off Saturday night. I was hoping to spend this weekend celebrating CB’s birthday amongst the company of good friends and strong beverages. Twas not to be, I guess I’ll have to enjoy Game of the Year Part I in HD…and I’m not talking about Oregon-Stanford.
Last week, saw the advent of Trey Touchdown Burton and the decline of Ryan Mallett. I know a lot of people think Mallett is still great but after watching him melt under pressure I don’t think he’s 1st Round. Who will be the hero’s of this week’s game? My guess…Knob Creek.
Malt Licker
BIG GAME WEEKEND!!!! As I’m sure CB has already told you, 2/3 of the Bourbon Boys will be rendezvous-ing in Tuscaloosa for CB’s 50th birthday. It’s hard to imagine he’s lived this long. With his steady diet of scotch, smack and cigarettes, he truly gives Keith Richards a run for his money. BIG GAME WEEKEND!!!! The college football world will (once again) fix its eyes on the SEC, for Urban/Saban Part III. The last time I visited Tuscaloosa, the Bourbon Boys +1 packed into a car and drove 8 hours to conduct an experiment with Popov and Gatorade. The P&G beat EGM, but I think CB and ML held it to a draw. By the way…..BIG GAME WEEKEND!!!!
12:00pm
ML
Vanderbilt at Connecticut (-6.5)
If Bama/UF is Mount Everest, this matchup is the Mariana Trench. Do they even know what a football looks like in Connecticut? If this were a matchup in women’s “basketball” it might be interesting…wait, what am I saying? Unless you love mountain bikes, the Indigo Girls, and Subaru Forester’s you will not be into that either. I’d also be shocked if anyone from Connecticut has ever read this blog.
Lady Dores 31
Lady Huskies 30
CB
Vandie 17
UCONN, football? 24
EGM
Commodes 13
Huskies 21
ML
Louisiana-Monroe at Auburn (-34)
Jeez…can we sink any further? I think this is the second La-Mo game I’ve had the displeasure of covering. Auburn used their mojo again last week, with another thrilling victory at night in Jordan-Hare. There will be very little drama this week. I get the feeling La-Mo’s defense will make it look like even Cam Newton can throw.
La-Mon Williams 3
Plainsmen 40
CB
Lou-Mon 7
Au-BARN 50
EGM
Plainsmen 51
LaMo 20
CB
Alcorn at Mississippi St (NL)
MSU took care of the Fancy pants dawgs from the East last weekend sending UGA into a downward spiral! I’m not celebrating a rival losing 3 straight SEC games, but its kind of funny when said rival talks more smack than any other team about how great they’re gonna be but they usually ain’t. Its pretty clear that Danny Boy Mullen is gonna unload on Steve McNair’s alma mater this weekend. Wow, how many of you had Cuzzin Bailey making a McNair reference and not mention his illicit affair and untimely demise? Oh wait, I guess that was it! Sucks he’s dead, but it’s a great lesson, DON’T FOOL AROUND!!
Turrible 10
Cowbell WOOOOOOO!! 45
ML
McNair U 10
Mullen U 40
EGM
Alcorn St 0
Miss State 500
12:21pm
EGM
Kentucky at Ole Miss (-2)
Ole Miss should not be favored over ANYONE in the SEC. They are just plain bad. KY might not be as good as they talked before the UF game but they are significantly better than the Akbars. Houston Nutt’s magic appears to have ended the second Dexter McCluster got drafted. The Akbars don’t really do anything well and that includes defense. I expect Randall Cobb to get loose on a number of occasions and Hartline should dissect the Akbar secondary. There will be a lot of faux worn-in hats low across the brow this Saturday.
Kitties 28
Shitties 17
ML
‘Kats 33
Rebs 28
CB
Cats 24
Rebels 21
3:30pm
EGM
Tennessee at LSU (-14.5)
I remember when this game actually meant something. These days its just a practice game before LSU gets into the 0-4 portion of their schedule. The Vols are so bad its not worth discussing but I really wonder about the 14+ points they are giving. Perhaps, the bookies are assuming multiple Peterson TDs because JJeff is regressing each week towards absolute zero. LSU’s defense is the real deal but I have real questions about whether there will be 14 points total in this game. I’ll go with Cuzz’s theory about Simms and his love of picks.
Vols 0
Tigers 17
ML
Smokey 10
Mike 19
CB
Matt Simms sucks 17
Patterson loves him 30
EGM
Texas vs. Oklahoma (at Dallas) (-4)
Much like UT-LSU, I remember when this game actually meant something. I guess it still means a little to Joklahoma but with the way their defense is playing I’m assuming they’ve got a loss or two on their schedule. Perhaps, one of those losses will be to the Longhorns who are coming off a devastating loss to D-IAA look alike UCLA. However, Tejas can’t run the ball at all and that makes them vulnerable every week. Stoops isn’t a terrible coach and should be able to shut down the predictable Horns. Oklahoma is much more balanced on offense and that should be the difference.
Horns 17
Sooners 28
ML
Bruin Roadkill 13
Sooners 24
CB
Tom Landry Middle School 23
Oklahomo 28
7:00pm
CB
Georgia at Colorado (+4)
It’s desperation time in Athens. Not that this game is in Athens, but you can sense the desperation all the way in Jax. Some UGA fans have confessed to me that they may not even watch this game. If we made these picks at the beginning of the year, I would have given CU 15 points at home because: They Suck, and UGA is in the SEC. Now is one of those appropriate times for the cliché, “that’s why the play the games.” Jawga wasn’t supposed to be 0-3 in the SEC and should have been a huge favorite here. The only saving grace for the Dawgs is that AJ “the Jersey” Green is back. And against my better judgment, I think that will make the difference…I can’t believe I’m doing this.
UhGod 24
Generally suck esp at home 19
EGM
Dawgs 31
Buffs 24
ML
UGAy 27
Buffs 20
8:00pm
CB
Florida at Alabama (-9)
Aw man, I just found out this Saturday I’m gonna miss the Little House on the Prairie marathon on Hallmark Channel!! Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to party with my girl, my family and some great friends before the Gators take on the Tiiide! I can always DVR Little House, HAHA! Last year, the Gators got smacked down in the SEC Championship game by Bama. Call it great play calling, or bad tackling but either way, it was an ass whopping. The Tide were exacting some serious revenge on the Gators from the 08 SEC Champ Game and hopefully this year Urban and crew have spent the offseason devising a plan for a little payback of their own. I’m thinking these early season wrinkles have been ironed out and now its time to open up that vaunted yet always changing Spread-option playbook! I’m not going to mince words, Bama is the team to beat this year, for the past 4 years we have felt that way and now its another team with the target on its back. I don’t think we are going to be “surprised” by Alabama, and why should we; everything they do seems to work out, so why change it. Their team strength, speed, and talent are the reason they are the hunted ones this year, and its gonna be up to the Gators and quite a few youngsters to shock the world in T-Town Saturday night. Speaking of youngsters, we have a new starting QB, and multi-faceted QB/RB/WR/TE/FB who scores 6 touchdowns in the blink of an eye. Our Line and Linebackers have shown some positives and our Secondary is as steady as I expected. The only problem is, our secondary may not be tested as much as I would like. Urban said we will be going with a “heavy package” (that’s what she said). This means we’re going to have FIVE down linemen. I guess we did it in Knoxville but, as you all know, I was at a wedding.
FLORIDA (total homer call) 24
BAMA 23
EGM
Gators 21
Bamer 24
ML
Tide 24
Gators 10
ML
Stanford at Oregon (-7)
Man…it’s big game weekend on the west coast this week too. This is a super sexy matchup. The high flying Ducks light up the scoreboard like a pinball machine, while the super efficient Cardinal methodically dismantle their opponents behind Andrew Luck’s arm and Jim Harbaugh’s tutelage. If I had no other allegiance and lived anywhere west of the Rockies, Autzen Stadium would be a prime destination. For some reason I see Jim Harbaugh and his amazing jaw-line willing his team to a big upset over the Quack Attack
SU 37
OU 30
CB
Stansbury 24
DUX 28
EGM
Indians 31
Duckies 39
Friday, September 24, 2010
Bourbon Boys Pick the SEC 2010 - WEEK IV
Malt Licker
I’m sitting on my couch sipping on some Old Rasputin watching Jacory “never won a big game Harris” take on the Wannstache in Pittsburgh. That is definitely a weird sentence, but no weirder than this season. For some reason, everyone hates a team from a state 2500 miles away with a great quarterback that plays an attractive brand of football. Is the WAC really that much worse than the Big East or the ACC? I don’t understand the disdain, especially since the Gators have been so decidedly underwhelming, that there is no question we’ll lose two games and be out of any national title discussions. Anyway, Georgia has two losses in conference play and the Gators offensive play-calling has the imagination of post-stroke Terry Schiavo. Can the Ol’ Ballcoach come back with a big win and get the inside track on the East? Can ‘Bama show they were able to “reload” on defense and survive its first big test of the season? Can Kentucky win at the Swamp for the first time in decades? Watch the games Saturday or follow JoeQuizza on twitter to find out.
Cuzzin Bailey
I’ll tell you, there is nothing as stress-free as watching a game that’s outcome you already know about on DVR. Sure I was checking the score in church at a wedding on Saturday, but that just isn’t the same as seeing the plays in HD. And since I was fast-forwarding I just didn’t get a sense of the Gators struggles! I mean my UT and UGA and FSU and MSU friends don’t have a problem telling me how shitty we are right now, but they aren’t 3-0 either. Florida is hosting Kensucky this week and while I’ll tell ya more on that later, let me tell you something (spoiler alert), I’m nervous. All this “Urban’s going for 100 wins” talk and “UK hasn’t beaten us in 24 years” business is kinda giving me this voodoo-y type feel. Now that doesn’t mean I think we’re gonna lose or anything, but it doesn’t hurt to do a little sub-conscious chanting myself. “Remember ’93…Remember ’93.” Picture it. Gators on the road in Sexington; down by 3 with 8 seconds to go…game winning touchdown to Chris Doering! Many Gators have Mick Hubert’s radio call memorized; “Doering’s Got a Touchdown, Doering’s Got a Touchdown!! OH MY!!” Man, it gives me chills just thinking about it. Anyways, gotta get to class now, gonna learn why North Korea is violating human rights and listen to moronic students compare W to Hitler…should be fuuuun GO GATORS!
El Gran Mono
Its Thursday night and the Rays are kicking the Yanks’ ass and Meeami is kicking Pitt’s ass. I have a little more faith that the Yankees will finish the season strong. I know Yanks fans hate Girardi but imagine if Wannstache was making the calls. Not a good situation.
As for football, there are two very interesting games on the schedule and Boise State plays in their season finale. Oh yeah, Bama-Arky and Auburn-USC are the interesting games…
12:21pm
CB
UAB at Tennessee (-14)
So I met a Tennessee fan the other day, real redneck, and he gave me this craptacular stat: apparently the Gators have won 6 out of the last 7 in the UF/UT series and are still only a few games up. I told him, “sweet dude, who cares about stupid history like that? We won this year, and I’m pretty sure that’s what matters” I think he was ready to fight me. It would be nice if the Vols had that kind of enthusiasm. I am gonna presume the Blazers aren’t that special since I haven’t heard jack crap about em this year. I like UT to run the junk out of the ball just cause their QB is a stock Simms offspring and apparently throwing the ball right into the line of scrimmage is a recessive gene that has phenotyped its way into both chirren. Don’t know anything about UAB, sorry if that’s what you came here for!
Blazers 10
Hicks 30
EGM
Dragons 13
Vols 26
ML
Blazers 13
Volz 34
3:30pm
ML
Alabama at Arkansas (+7.5)
As sad as it sounds, this may be ‘Bama’s toughest game of the season. Ryan Mallett and Co. are coming off an emotional win in Athens, and even the soulless eyes of Bobby Petrino look like they have a spark. To have any chance, the ‘Backs need to jump out to an early lead, contain the reigning Heisman winner and his younger, better, backfield mate, and come up with a big play on special teams. Surprisingly, the Hawgs were able to corral Ingram and Richardson last year, holding the Tide to 134 yards rushing. If the Hawgs can repeat this effort, things may get very interesting…
Crimson Tide 24
Hog Tied 21
CB
Bama 34
Backs 17
EGM
Bamer 31
Arky 28
7:00pm
CB
Kentucky at Florida (-13.5)
Wow, I guess I did my stock, “use the best material in the intro”-gimmick once again. Florida is looking to extend their lead over Kensucky to 24 straight, but this year the Gators have to watch out for Randall Cobb. Dude is electric. Throws, catches, runs, blocks, holds. He does EVERYTHING for the ‘Cats, except snap…which would be sick to see; (Snapping the ball to himself and then running a play). He reminds me of another Randall Cobb. Actor Randall “Tex” Cobb is the picture of versatility. In Ace Ventura, he played the drunk redneck who kidnapped his wife’s (she was way too hot for him) dog; in Fletch Lives, he played the drunk redneck who stole Fletch’s watch and tried to kill him; and in Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol, he played a drunk redneck con…I mean this guy does it all! Its gonna be a challenge stopping Kentucky’s Cobb this weekend, and that would normally be enough to dump the spread and call for a win, but I think our defense is up to the challenge of containing him. Barring any blown coverage touchdowns this year, I just don’t see the ‘Cats driving down the field. Fluke’s, mistakes here and there, I think Florida get’s its act together Saturday and actually scores in the First Quarter!!
Kensucky 12
FLORIDA 40
EGM
Kats 20
Gators 24
ML
Gators 28
Kats 13
CB
Georgia at Mississippi State (-1.5)
The Fancy Dawgs vs. the Dirty Dawgs!! Man I’m glad this game is happening; I just wish it were MSU at UGA. That would be the ultimate “country come to town/fish out of water” tale. One team is gonna be wearing overalls and the other one is gonna have on black or red slacks/dresses!! Oh man, these fancy Athens boys are gonna be in for a serious surprise in Stark-vegas! There ain’t no clubs son. Just be prepared to hear that shit. Both teams are 0-2 in the SEC and while that may not be big news for MSU fans, a loss here could spell catastrophe for UGA. Mark Richt, Mr. Fake Juice/Enthusiasm, better work his “uniform change/unsportsmanlike conduct” magic this weekend because this is the same offense that UF has dominated the Eastern Dogs with for years. I think this game is gonna be VERY close. But a tipped pass here or there and it’s a blowout. Gonna be a rough year for UGA…And an overzealous El Gran Mono felt compelled to discuss this game too, freaking diligent worker, I’m tellin you!
Fancy Pants 23
West Dawgs 26
EGM
Wow, UGA is an underdog against lowly Miss State. That’s pretty hard to believe given the fact that LSU blew out Miss State last week and UGA has lost two close games. Miss State is terrible offensively and defensively. UGA is inexperienced on both sides of the ball but they have talent. Starkville is not a fun place to play but UGA doesn’t have demons of Sleepy Robinson dancing in their heads. Take the points and have a party after the 1st quarter because this won’t be close
Dawgs of the East 31
Dawgs of the West 13
ML
Red Dawgs 23
Dirty Dawgs 17
7:30pm
ML
Fresno State at Ole Miss (-2.5)
I think the Rebels are taking EGM’s Donna Martin characterization to heart. After an early upset to Jax State, they took it on the chin at home against the hapless Commodores, or was it Ray Pruitt? The Masoli experiment has not exactly worked out. Since he seems to do a better job passing to the other team, Mr. Nutt needs to try to find another Dexter McCluster to catch passes out of the backfield. You don’t want Masoli throwing downfield. Meanwhile, Fresno State has dispatched of Cincinnati behind the solid work of their veteran QB, Ryan Colburn. Look for Nutt to keep the ball on the ground and wear down Fresno State’s smaller defensive front. I see this game staying tight, with Ole Miss scoring a late insurance TD to cover.
Dilfer U 24
Where’s Dexter? 34
CB
Another Bulldog? 20
Get Yo Act Together 23
EGM
Dogs (again) 28
Wannabe Admiral Akbars 27
7:45pm
ML
South Carolina at Auburn (-2.5)
It is looking more and more like the Gamecocks are replacing UGA and UT as the team in the East the Gators need to see lose to widen the path to Atlanta. Can Spurrier’s squad handle this new position? They struggled to beat the Purple Palladins and will have their hands full against the Plainsmen at hostile Jordan-Hare. Auburn has been the lucky version of Notre Dame this year, playing their last two games down to the wire, and coming out on top both times. This really is a huge game. If either team wants aspirations for Atlanta, they must take home a W. Both teams are relying on freshman tailbacks to take the pressure off their mercurial quarterbacks. I think this is a coin flip, but weird things happen at Jordan-Hare. Auburn nighttime ju-ju and another late kick by Wes Byrum will put the Tigers on top.
Cocksmen 20
Plainsmen 23
CB
Gamecocks 21
Tigers 20
EGM
Cocks 17
Plainsmen 16
8:00pm
EGM
Oregon State at Boise State (-16.5)
Its official, I’m a Boise State hater. Probably because of all the stupid ESPN “they are really GREAT” hype. I guess its more of a question of why I watch ESPN at all because I used to root for the Boises of the world. But suddenly the MSM started calling a top five team an underdog and treating them as such. Ridiculous. I’m a fan of a playoff so every year that a good team gets dissed I celebrate the worldwide five minutes of hate for the BCS. So hopefully, Boise keeps getting shipped to the Fiesta Bowl.
As for the game, I saw the Beavs in the opener against TCU and they looked pretty average. Boise is not average and will steamroll the Beavs into their blue turf. Hopefully, that means we don’t have to here “upstart”, “underdog”, “fledgling” Boise talk for three months after this.
No hype 17
HYPE – BUDWEISER HOT SEAT STYLE! 38
ML
The Jerry Mathers 7
Public Enemy #1 34
CB
Beavers 13
Blue Field 30
9:00pm
EGM
West Virginia at LSU (-6.5)
I watched Wva play once this year and they had to score three touches in the 4q to tie the game. Lsu lines to blow leads of that size but their run defense is just too good for wva to make any magic happen. Lsu will have trouble scoring but they'll get just enough
Mountaineers 10
Tigers 21
ML
‘Neers 13
Tigers 26
CB
WVU 10
LSU 24
EGM
Vanderbilt – OFF
What site do dorks frequent? Whatever it is, they better up their server capacity this weekend.
I’m sitting on my couch sipping on some Old Rasputin watching Jacory “never won a big game Harris” take on the Wannstache in Pittsburgh. That is definitely a weird sentence, but no weirder than this season. For some reason, everyone hates a team from a state 2500 miles away with a great quarterback that plays an attractive brand of football. Is the WAC really that much worse than the Big East or the ACC? I don’t understand the disdain, especially since the Gators have been so decidedly underwhelming, that there is no question we’ll lose two games and be out of any national title discussions. Anyway, Georgia has two losses in conference play and the Gators offensive play-calling has the imagination of post-stroke Terry Schiavo. Can the Ol’ Ballcoach come back with a big win and get the inside track on the East? Can ‘Bama show they were able to “reload” on defense and survive its first big test of the season? Can Kentucky win at the Swamp for the first time in decades? Watch the games Saturday or follow JoeQuizza on twitter to find out.
Cuzzin Bailey
I’ll tell you, there is nothing as stress-free as watching a game that’s outcome you already know about on DVR. Sure I was checking the score in church at a wedding on Saturday, but that just isn’t the same as seeing the plays in HD. And since I was fast-forwarding I just didn’t get a sense of the Gators struggles! I mean my UT and UGA and FSU and MSU friends don’t have a problem telling me how shitty we are right now, but they aren’t 3-0 either. Florida is hosting Kensucky this week and while I’ll tell ya more on that later, let me tell you something (spoiler alert), I’m nervous. All this “Urban’s going for 100 wins” talk and “UK hasn’t beaten us in 24 years” business is kinda giving me this voodoo-y type feel. Now that doesn’t mean I think we’re gonna lose or anything, but it doesn’t hurt to do a little sub-conscious chanting myself. “Remember ’93…Remember ’93.” Picture it. Gators on the road in Sexington; down by 3 with 8 seconds to go…game winning touchdown to Chris Doering! Many Gators have Mick Hubert’s radio call memorized; “Doering’s Got a Touchdown, Doering’s Got a Touchdown!! OH MY!!” Man, it gives me chills just thinking about it. Anyways, gotta get to class now, gonna learn why North Korea is violating human rights and listen to moronic students compare W to Hitler…should be fuuuun GO GATORS!
El Gran Mono
Its Thursday night and the Rays are kicking the Yanks’ ass and Meeami is kicking Pitt’s ass. I have a little more faith that the Yankees will finish the season strong. I know Yanks fans hate Girardi but imagine if Wannstache was making the calls. Not a good situation.
As for football, there are two very interesting games on the schedule and Boise State plays in their season finale. Oh yeah, Bama-Arky and Auburn-USC are the interesting games…
12:21pm
CB
UAB at Tennessee (-14)
So I met a Tennessee fan the other day, real redneck, and he gave me this craptacular stat: apparently the Gators have won 6 out of the last 7 in the UF/UT series and are still only a few games up. I told him, “sweet dude, who cares about stupid history like that? We won this year, and I’m pretty sure that’s what matters” I think he was ready to fight me. It would be nice if the Vols had that kind of enthusiasm. I am gonna presume the Blazers aren’t that special since I haven’t heard jack crap about em this year. I like UT to run the junk out of the ball just cause their QB is a stock Simms offspring and apparently throwing the ball right into the line of scrimmage is a recessive gene that has phenotyped its way into both chirren. Don’t know anything about UAB, sorry if that’s what you came here for!
Blazers 10
Hicks 30
EGM
Dragons 13
Vols 26
ML
Blazers 13
Volz 34
3:30pm
ML
Alabama at Arkansas (+7.5)
As sad as it sounds, this may be ‘Bama’s toughest game of the season. Ryan Mallett and Co. are coming off an emotional win in Athens, and even the soulless eyes of Bobby Petrino look like they have a spark. To have any chance, the ‘Backs need to jump out to an early lead, contain the reigning Heisman winner and his younger, better, backfield mate, and come up with a big play on special teams. Surprisingly, the Hawgs were able to corral Ingram and Richardson last year, holding the Tide to 134 yards rushing. If the Hawgs can repeat this effort, things may get very interesting…
Crimson Tide 24
Hog Tied 21
CB
Bama 34
Backs 17
EGM
Bamer 31
Arky 28
7:00pm
CB
Kentucky at Florida (-13.5)
Wow, I guess I did my stock, “use the best material in the intro”-gimmick once again. Florida is looking to extend their lead over Kensucky to 24 straight, but this year the Gators have to watch out for Randall Cobb. Dude is electric. Throws, catches, runs, blocks, holds. He does EVERYTHING for the ‘Cats, except snap…which would be sick to see; (Snapping the ball to himself and then running a play). He reminds me of another Randall Cobb. Actor Randall “Tex” Cobb is the picture of versatility. In Ace Ventura, he played the drunk redneck who kidnapped his wife’s (she was way too hot for him) dog; in Fletch Lives, he played the drunk redneck who stole Fletch’s watch and tried to kill him; and in Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol, he played a drunk redneck con…I mean this guy does it all! Its gonna be a challenge stopping Kentucky’s Cobb this weekend, and that would normally be enough to dump the spread and call for a win, but I think our defense is up to the challenge of containing him. Barring any blown coverage touchdowns this year, I just don’t see the ‘Cats driving down the field. Fluke’s, mistakes here and there, I think Florida get’s its act together Saturday and actually scores in the First Quarter!!
Kensucky 12
FLORIDA 40
EGM
Kats 20
Gators 24
ML
Gators 28
Kats 13
CB
Georgia at Mississippi State (-1.5)
The Fancy Dawgs vs. the Dirty Dawgs!! Man I’m glad this game is happening; I just wish it were MSU at UGA. That would be the ultimate “country come to town/fish out of water” tale. One team is gonna be wearing overalls and the other one is gonna have on black or red slacks/dresses!! Oh man, these fancy Athens boys are gonna be in for a serious surprise in Stark-vegas! There ain’t no clubs son. Just be prepared to hear that shit. Both teams are 0-2 in the SEC and while that may not be big news for MSU fans, a loss here could spell catastrophe for UGA. Mark Richt, Mr. Fake Juice/Enthusiasm, better work his “uniform change/unsportsmanlike conduct” magic this weekend because this is the same offense that UF has dominated the Eastern Dogs with for years. I think this game is gonna be VERY close. But a tipped pass here or there and it’s a blowout. Gonna be a rough year for UGA…And an overzealous El Gran Mono felt compelled to discuss this game too, freaking diligent worker, I’m tellin you!
Fancy Pants 23
West Dawgs 26
EGM
Wow, UGA is an underdog against lowly Miss State. That’s pretty hard to believe given the fact that LSU blew out Miss State last week and UGA has lost two close games. Miss State is terrible offensively and defensively. UGA is inexperienced on both sides of the ball but they have talent. Starkville is not a fun place to play but UGA doesn’t have demons of Sleepy Robinson dancing in their heads. Take the points and have a party after the 1st quarter because this won’t be close
Dawgs of the East 31
Dawgs of the West 13
ML
Red Dawgs 23
Dirty Dawgs 17
7:30pm
ML
Fresno State at Ole Miss (-2.5)
I think the Rebels are taking EGM’s Donna Martin characterization to heart. After an early upset to Jax State, they took it on the chin at home against the hapless Commodores, or was it Ray Pruitt? The Masoli experiment has not exactly worked out. Since he seems to do a better job passing to the other team, Mr. Nutt needs to try to find another Dexter McCluster to catch passes out of the backfield. You don’t want Masoli throwing downfield. Meanwhile, Fresno State has dispatched of Cincinnati behind the solid work of their veteran QB, Ryan Colburn. Look for Nutt to keep the ball on the ground and wear down Fresno State’s smaller defensive front. I see this game staying tight, with Ole Miss scoring a late insurance TD to cover.
Dilfer U 24
Where’s Dexter? 34
CB
Another Bulldog? 20
Get Yo Act Together 23
EGM
Dogs (again) 28
Wannabe Admiral Akbars 27
7:45pm
ML
South Carolina at Auburn (-2.5)
It is looking more and more like the Gamecocks are replacing UGA and UT as the team in the East the Gators need to see lose to widen the path to Atlanta. Can Spurrier’s squad handle this new position? They struggled to beat the Purple Palladins and will have their hands full against the Plainsmen at hostile Jordan-Hare. Auburn has been the lucky version of Notre Dame this year, playing their last two games down to the wire, and coming out on top both times. This really is a huge game. If either team wants aspirations for Atlanta, they must take home a W. Both teams are relying on freshman tailbacks to take the pressure off their mercurial quarterbacks. I think this is a coin flip, but weird things happen at Jordan-Hare. Auburn nighttime ju-ju and another late kick by Wes Byrum will put the Tigers on top.
Cocksmen 20
Plainsmen 23
CB
Gamecocks 21
Tigers 20
EGM
Cocks 17
Plainsmen 16
8:00pm
EGM
Oregon State at Boise State (-16.5)
Its official, I’m a Boise State hater. Probably because of all the stupid ESPN “they are really GREAT” hype. I guess its more of a question of why I watch ESPN at all because I used to root for the Boises of the world. But suddenly the MSM started calling a top five team an underdog and treating them as such. Ridiculous. I’m a fan of a playoff so every year that a good team gets dissed I celebrate the worldwide five minutes of hate for the BCS. So hopefully, Boise keeps getting shipped to the Fiesta Bowl.
As for the game, I saw the Beavs in the opener against TCU and they looked pretty average. Boise is not average and will steamroll the Beavs into their blue turf. Hopefully, that means we don’t have to here “upstart”, “underdog”, “fledgling” Boise talk for three months after this.
No hype 17
HYPE – BUDWEISER HOT SEAT STYLE! 38
ML
The Jerry Mathers 7
Public Enemy #1 34
CB
Beavers 13
Blue Field 30
9:00pm
EGM
West Virginia at LSU (-6.5)
I watched Wva play once this year and they had to score three touches in the 4q to tie the game. Lsu lines to blow leads of that size but their run defense is just too good for wva to make any magic happen. Lsu will have trouble scoring but they'll get just enough
Mountaineers 10
Tigers 21
ML
‘Neers 13
Tigers 26
CB
WVU 10
LSU 24
EGM
Vanderbilt – OFF
What site do dorks frequent? Whatever it is, they better up their server capacity this weekend.
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