Friday, October 07, 2011

Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week VI

Malt Licker
Back to reality. That phrase has echoed through my mind throughout the week as I think back to last week’s game against Alabama. The Crimson Tide is a fitting nickname for Saban’s boys. As I watched that game from the packed Swamp on a perfect night, I could see their momentum slowly build. First they came back and tied it up, then their defense gave them the lead, and then they took out our QB. It all culminated in the most predictable of crescendos, Trent Richardson shaking off a tackle and running untouched through our battered defense for a long touchdown run. It was as certain as high tide.

Cuzzin Bailey
Well, as most of us suspected, the Gators got beat last weekend to the Tide. As some of us did NOT expect, we got killed. Now, I’m not saying we would have won if Bama didn’t get that defensive line pick six or if Brantley didn’t get hurt, but I have to believe it wouldn’t have been AS bad. Our d-line was exposed against a far superior offensive line and NFL type running back. Now we must regroup for a trip into a city that should be quarantined as a municipal insane asylum, Baton Rouge. Tough place for a team, let alone a freshman QB to enter as sizable a underdog. Oh well, give’em hell Gators. On a different (sport) note, I would like to thank the Tampa Bay Rays for a great season and a decent showing in the ALDS. It would have been cool for them to win one game at home (especially one that I attended), forcing this thing to a game five but whatever, this is a year that we’re just happy to be there. I would like to thank Malt Licker for his kind words after the Rays clinched. He was right, baseball can be exciting sometimes! It’s a shame that Yankees fans can’t get excited until they are in the Series, maybe they’ll be back this year! (CB note: as of publication, the Tigers beat NYY in game five of the ALDS, so not this year. My sincere condolences) Anyways, I am pleased to announce that my wife’s and my Wild Card shirts were back ordered and so they won’t arrive until 3 days after the Rays were eliminated from the playoffs! needs to get their act together. Anyways, I’ve rambled on too long, be sure to look me up on twitter, you may learn a thing or two about shit talk:

El Gran Mono
Its been quite a long week since the Gators were poleaxed and the Rays demise was set in motion. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it), I saw neither of these two events on any medium except for a score update. Upon arriving at my palatial estate last Sunday, I immediately deleted the DVR copy of both of these games and I will know longer discuss or acknowledge that either even actually happened. I’m definitely not a good loser so I’m hoping for a miraculous recovery this weekend but I’m not counting on it. What I am counting on is…

The Brew of The Week – 21st Amendment Live Free or Die IPA. I had six of these bad boys on the Virgin America redeye from the west coast this morning and it was the best part of the entire trip.

Saturday, October 8, 2011


Mississippi State at UAB (+18.5)
What a travesty of a shamocracy this game is. I mean what self respecting team would play UAB in October? Other than Miss State, I would say every other puss ass team in the SEC that keeps padding their schedule with this tripe.

Miss State 31
UAB 10

MSU 40
UAB 10

MSU 30
Blazers 3


Kentucky at South Carolina (-21)
How surprised would you be if you heard the Ol’ Ball Coach decapitated Stephen Garcia? Here’s a quote: "We were living through a lot of errors Stephen would make," Spurrier said. "We were hoping and believing those errors would go away. We've coached Stephen to play better, but he plays similarly about every game. Now I must lop that head off and get drunk off his alcohol-saturated blood.” One of those sentences is not an actual quote. The good news for SC is that UK is coming to town. They suck.

UK 13
SC 35

Kensucky 14
USCocks 28

KY 0
Cocks 31


Florida at LSU (-13.5)
The last time UF started a Freshman QB in Death Valley, the Gators shocked the Bengals and Coach Saban to give them their only loss in a Championship year. The bad news is Chris Leak looked relatively competent prior to that game, and Jeff Driskel looks like all he can do is make one read and then try to run. Our only chance at victory is if there is a monsoon. I have no faith. LSU’s defensive front might eat Demps and Rainey and then decorate their town with the poop that results. If you have ever been to Baton Rouge, you can acknowledge that this décor will be an upgrade. We could play this game 20 times and still have no shot at winning.

Tiger bait/reverse jinx? 3
Future nat’l champs 34

Gators 17
LSUcks 23 (breaks my heart)

UF 6
Tigers 17


Georgia at Tennessee (+2)
That the last two times the Dawgs have traveled to historic Neyland Stadium it has been an unhappy experience for the pups. However, considering the last time the Gators started a freshman QB at LSU was 2003, I thought, just for the hell of it, I would remind all of you what happened when UGA played at UT in 2003: Obviously it was a different time. Florida had lost to the Vols and later that year, UT beat Bama in a scorefest. But one moment no one should forget came at the end of the first half of this game. Tennessee was driving, in fact they were at the goal line ready to score and take a 14-13 lead into the lockerroom. What happened next made everyone who hates that pale orange a Georgia fan for about 20 seconds. The UT running back fumbles the ball and UGA SS (and current Buc) Sean Jones picked it up at the 8ish yard line running 92 yards for the touchdown. The 14 pt turnaround play made the score 20-7 at the half and the Vuls never recovered. This year, unfortunately, we need the hapless vols to beat the dawgs because Georgia plays the easiest SEC schedule in YEARS this time around. After losing to Boise St and South Carolina, the Dawgs beat the Mississippi schools, and next face the Tennessee schools, followed by the Gators, Auburn and Kentucky. Aside from this game, there is a remote chance they’ll lose maybe two games, and then get blowed out in the championship game. Look, no one wants UGA representing the East this year. They are complete garbage, but unfortunately that’s all this division is producing these days…I hate this game.

Jawga 23
Tennessee 24

Dawgs 24
UT 25

UGA 20
Smokey 24

Vanderbilt at Alabama (-29)
Well, what can you say? If this was vandy at LSU or UT or UGA or Auburn, I would spend this whole post tearing the team a new one, but I’ll be honest, the Gators just plain old got our asses kicked last weekend. It was embarrassing but if we somehow rebound this weekend I won’t give a crap and just fall back on the fact that we were beaten by a better team. If this starts another downward spiral of losses I’m gonna go into full on freak out mode. Anyways, I know Vandy is 3-1 and 1-1 in the SEC, but they beat Ole Miss (a not-so-great-team) and lost to South Carolina (a not-so-bad-team). It should be noted that Bama is a really, really, really good team and this game, as the spread indicates, won’t be close. I see the Tide runningback completely shredding the Vandy defense and McElroy’s replacement to just “not lose the game” which is exactly what Saban wants. This game hasn’t historically been a blow out, but watch, as Marty McFly once said to Mr. Strickland, “history is gonna change”…Sidenote: I was forced to watch Back to the Future III in Spanish the other day, it was hilarious.

George McFly’s 6
Marty McFly’s 40

Vandy 0
Bama 38

Vanderdork 3
Crimson Dicks 40

Auburn at Arkansas (-10)
This game was an offensive showdown last year and this year doesn’t appear to be anything different. Auburn seems to have righted the ship after a disastrous loss to mega-overrated Clemson. However, beating up on the Cocks doesn’t really say much this year given that Steven Garcia has taken up meth in addition to heavy drinking. Arkansas also had a big w last week against future SEC doormat TAMU. Overall, I think less points will be scored than all the “experts” think and Arkansas’ receivers will control the game in the end.

Plainsmen 17
Hawgs 24

Auburn 20
Arky 28

Aubarn 17
Arkansas 28

Ole Miss – Bye Week: Great win for the Rebs last weekend, gained some momentum…bad way to hit a bye week

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