Friday, October 28, 2011

Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week IX

Malt Licker
Wasn’t it nice to have a stress-free Saturday? I’m going to shift gears and take a more tolerant and civil tone. Hopefully, it will lead to better results for our Gators and the much-maligned new coaching staff. Is the name DJ Durkin officially a punch line? Please bear in mind, that if we lose to Georgia this week, all bets are off. The last two weeks will seem like a second grade book report about pandas. This week’s slate of games is rather mundane. Everyone is gearing up for LSU/BAMA two weeks from now. I suppose there is some interest in A&M/Mizzou, from whom I’m not terribly sure.

El Gran Mono
For some reason I feel exceptionally good this Friday. Perhaps it’s the nip in the air or my forthcoming trip to the land of shamrocks and Guinness…or maybe it’s the hourly chants and bucket drums of Occupy DC. No matter the reason, I’m hoping my good vibes can infect the Gators. It appears that JB3’s ankle is feeling better and Chuck Weis has prepared all of the QBs so we are off to good start. UGA is always ripe for the taking and there is no doubt that Dawg fans have piss running down their leg as we speak (and not just because of too many brews at the Landing). JB3 has a chance to sweep the Dawgs as a starter and Muschamp has a chance to revive this trainwreck of a season. Let’s like this firecracker!

Brew of the week: Staropramen. Great hoppy flavor with a clean pilsner finish. Goes great with a World Series Game 7.

Cuzzin Bailey
For those of you keeping score, this is the first “Cocktail Party” I have missed in four years; of course it didn’t hurt that I was living in Jacksonville during that time. Anyways, I saw 2 complete blowouts and last year’s thrilling OT victory. If there is one thing I learned during my lifetime is that it doesn’t matter how overhyped Georgia is, or how many awesome players they have, or how big a’underdogs we are, there is ALWAYS a pretty good chance we’ll beat the Dawgs. Take 2008 for instance: the year before, UGA beat UF and jumped all over the endzone like a bunch of psychopaths; the next year (08), Georgia fans bought so many tickets and were talking SO much smack (come to think of it, that’s their MO every year) and what happened? Huge blowout and well before the 4th quarter their side of the field was practically empty. 09, same thing. Last year, the first half domination by the Gators saw many of their hate-filled fans heading for the exits early enough to miss their comeback and eventual loss. It was outstanding. Just thinking about all the wins I have seen in Jacksonville makes me so happy. I love how obnoxious the Dawgs fans are before the game and how completely humiliated they become when they realize its no longer the 70s/80s. Note to Georgia fans: Hershel Walker is gone and ain’t never coming back, no matter how much money you offer him (again, GD cheaters). Anyways, I hate Vince Dooley more today than I did when I first learned that he is the one that turned UF in to the NCAA in the 80s to cover up their own illegal recruiting and other violations. Anyways, I’m sure Malt Licker will appreciate that I’m filling up with hate, only for now its directed at my enemies. For more of this nonsense, I’ll see you on twitter,

12:00 PM

Missouri at Texas A&M -10
The Aggies are looking to “gig” the Tigers (so we will now have 3 different Tigers in the conference?) and end a two game losing streak. I will be watching this game to see who I can hate the most when they join our conference. A&M sports a jerk-off head coach in Mike “put a jersey on” Sherman, who I will always remember for confronting Warren Sapp for an imminently clean block on Chad Clifton during a Bucs/Packers game. It looks like the Packers decision to can him worked out pretty well for them. Nevertheless, Sherman’s Aggies are on a roll offensively and the Tigers can’t stop anyone. Lay the points.

Tigers Part 3 28
Agriculturals 45

Mizzou 27
Tejas A&M 28

SEC? 17
Already In 43

12:21 PM

Arkansas at Vanderbilt +10
I’m not sure what to think about Arkansas after their lackluster performance against the Black Bears. Bobby Petrino’s offense never seems to be out of any game but his defense is certainly suspect (giving up more than 14 points to Ole Miss will do that). However, the cure for any defense is the Vanderbilt offense. Only giving 10 points to Vandy is crazy talk.

Hawgs 38
Vandy 10

Arkansas 30
Vandie 7

‘Backs 31
‘Dores 20

3:30 PM

Florida vs. Georgia -3 (at Jacksonville)
I just reviewed my first post of the season, where I expressed reservations about having to rely on Johnny B. Little did I know that the offense would totally fall apart without him and our coaching staff would be totally inept and dealing with his absence? Needless to say, this game will go a long way toward determining the direction of the Will Muschamp era. Right now it is feeling a little Zookian. An objective analysis of this game clearly shows that Georgia should be favored. However, they have been favored against the Gators in the past, and typically find a way to blow it. Clearly a loss to this Gators squad would sound the death knell for pRicht’s tenure in Athens, and may lead to an ingestion of hemlock. I’d love to pick us to win, but I Durkin’s hapless special teams will cost us another victory.

Gators 20
Dawgs 22

Gators 28
Dawgs 17

SlimeDogs 19

7:00 PM

Ole Miss at Auburn -12
Ole Miss should really be focused on this game because it is likely their only chance at victory in the SEC. Auburn is just sluggish enough to allow the Rebbears to hang around with their “don’t try to score” offense. However, given this game is at Jerden Hare and at night, the Plainsmen should eventually pull away. I’d discuss the nightmarish haircuts that will be prevalent at this game but that would be a tired take on my part. Whoops…

Rebs 10
Plainsmen 24

Ole Miss 17
Auburn 21

Ole Piss 11
Auburn 31

Mississippi St. at Kentucky +10
I would give Vandy a better shot at beating MSU than the Kats, like anyone in Lexington really cares, (don’t worry, its almost basketball season). SEC east is just so pathetic this year that I am blindly confident that any SEC west team could beat this squad. I was so wrong last week about Ole Miss that I don’t even know if I should complete this sentence.

Mess St 17
Kensucky 3

MSU 13
Wildcats 2

Miss State 31
KY 7

7:15 PM

South Carolina at Tennessee +4
The Cocks need a little help to get back to the SECCG. Obviously not losing to UT would be a step in the right direction. The spread in this game directly reflects the loss of Marcus Lattimore for the season. Considering how uncertain the games between the mortal teams have been this year and how awful the gamecocks looked on the road last week, I am gonna go crazy for a minute and call for the upset of the week here…

Cocks 17
Tennessee 20

Cocks 17
Vols 19

Cocks 13
Vols 14

Alabama – BYE WEEK


No comments: