El Gran Mono
The best thing part about this week, the Gators aren’t playing. I’m taking all of Saturday off for mental health purposes. I recommend you do the same. After all, the game to end all games isn’t for two more weeks. I highly doubt there will be any synthetic drug suspensions between then and now. But perhaps that’s the conspiracy theorist in me.
Brew of the week: Widmer Brothers Bourbon Barrel Ale. Great flavor, easy finish and mixes well with tears and anger. Hopefully someone from Portland will bring you some. Thanks @joemorganfan.
Malt Licker
Whooohooo!!! It’s the third Saturday in October!!! Ohhh the pageantry!!! I thought I may have been a bit…harsh…last week, but the feedback on twitter led me to believe that the people love anger and insensitivity. I honestly don’t know how anyone could watch the Gators this year and feel anything but anger. Anger at Coach Boom for the penalties and pathetic special teams play….Anger at Urban for leaving us with no playmakers….Anger at Charlie Weis and his fat upper pussy area. We could honestly lose to fucking Vanderbilt this year. I just read that Missouri’s curators have given the chancellor authority to move to the SEC. It’s nice because UF will have a new partner in suck. The only thing I have to look forward this month is the premiere of Beavis & Butthead. Book your tickets for Shreveport! I hear it is lovely in late December.
Cuzzin Bailey
Another three game skid. Another year of getting owned by the SEC West. This is turning into a terrible trend. As pissed as most of you probably are…Oh great, my apathy for this season has been compounded by the fact that this is a bye week and is trying to take over this post. Let me see if I can fight the boredom: We really need to beat UGA next week and my wife and I are going to the Vandy game in two weeks, so my lack of enthusiasm is tempered by the near future. The Johnny Brantley scenario is in full on controversy mode. Coach Boom says he should be back by Monday etc, but unnamed sources are saying the injury is far worse than is being reported. I’m sorry, but to even imply that a school would be less than honest about the health of one of its players is incredibly NOT shocking. I think it would be great to get JBIII back but we’re still gonna need to run the ball effectively against decent defenses, which has vexed us as of late. I wouldn’t blame you if you stopped reading by now. Hell, I’m just mailing this part in anyways. Me, twitter, follow (figure out the order): www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
12:00pm
Jacksonville State at Kentucky (OFF)
ML
I’d rather drink lemon-scented Mr. Clean than watch this abortion of a game. I’d rather watch a fart dissipate in the wind
JSU 3
UK 40
CB
Jax Stizzle 13
Kensucky 30
EGM
Jax State 10
KY 20
12:21pm
Arkansas at Ole Miss (+16)
CB
While I’m certainly not “rooting” for Arkansas in this game, I am not a fan of Houston Nutt, so the expected result is probably what’s best for everyone. The other Bourbon Boys used to “s” Nutt’s “d” when he was the coach at the Razorbacks from some unknown reason while I always shit on him. Given the fact that he’s a second rate coach and (aside from two decent years at Murray State), he has lost 3 or more games in every year of his coaching career, I have no clue why anyone would defend this sack of shit. (Btw, that stat includes going 10-4 in 2006 and winning the then down SEC West). Not saying that Ole Miss needs a world class coach, but everyone deserves someone better than him. I pretty much hate the guy. In regards to the game, it seems that the Ole Miss party factory is in for yet another disappointing game. Arkansas is probably gonna throw all over the Rebs and given the way Ole Miss is playing this year, I would take this spread all day, like I give a shit.
Arky 40
Ole Miss 14
EGM
Hawgs 38
Ole mIss 0
ML
Arky 40
Ole Piss 10
3:30pm
Auburn at LSU (-21.5)
EGM
I just can’t believe that the team of 21st century (Part II) would have guys that are using synthetic drugs. What makes it even harder to believe is the fact that one of the dudes has the fun nickname “honey badger”? Maybe he should just stick to eating grass.
I’d give Auburn half a chance if this game was on the Plains. But since they are playing in the shithole otherwise known as Death Valley they will probably get smoked. However, with Jarrett Lee at the helm 21.5 is just too much to ask for… even with synthetic drugs at your disposal.
Plainsmen 10
Tigers 24
ML
War Eagle Shit Droppings 10
Bayou Shit Bengals 40
CB
Trashbin Tigers 16
Dirttrash Tigers 30
7:00pm
Army at Vanderbilt (-10.5)
EGM
Any team that is getting 11 points against Vandy is absolutely awful. Do not watch this game.
Knights 13
Vandy 28
ML
Cadets 20
Dabney Colemans 17
CB
Army 17
Vandy 27
7:15pm
Tennessee at Alabama (29.5)
ML
Is there a river route from Knoxville to Tuscaloosa? We all know that the Tornado Freeway empties there. Unfortunately for the inbred mountain clowns from Knoxville, I do not believe the Vol Navy has anywhere to disembark. This will be another epic slaughter for Saban. Alabama might not lose another game for the rest of our lives. By that time, they might have rebuilt their town, which was decimated by that hurricane.
Orange Pukes 7
Crimson Jerks 40
CB
Smokey Sucks 7
Bama 40
EGM
Vols 3
Bama 24
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