El Gran Mono
Did the SEC scheduling committee get together and decide that only one good game could be played every week? Because looking at this week’s lineup I want to puke. Sure, UT faces off against the Khaki Dawgs but outside that there isn’t shit. At least Vandy lost last week and now I can stop worrying about the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse possibly chilling outside my window every morning. Oh yeah,
Cuzzin’ Bailey
Man, I hate having to eat my words. A nice trip to redneck-ville,
Malt Licker
After reading EGM’s post about his trip to
To eat boiled crow is to be proven wrong after having strongly expressed your opinion. It is most likely an Americanization of the English "To eat humble pie". The English phrase is something of a pun — "umbles" were the intestines and other unsavories of a deer. Pies made of this were known to be served to those of lesser class who did not eat at the king's/lord's/governor's table.
In
At any rate, crow seems to be the distasteful meat of choice because it's stringy, it's carrion meat, and, apparently, just plain doesn't taste good. An old tale passed around amongst hunters advises that, if you run out of food while alone in the woods, catch a crow, put it in a pot with a boot, boil it for a week, and then eat the boot.
I wonder if it matters if it’s a “hobnailed boot.” Anyway, are there any limits to the value of the Bourbon Boys? Not only do you get a look into our demented minds, you learn valuable things like the derivation of the term “eating crow.” If you are thinking I came up with this to avoid talking about last week’s abortion of a game, you are right.
Louisiana-Monroe at
EGM
Another Sun Belt foe bites the dust this week at the hands of a very average Hawg team. I’m sure Houston Nutt spent last week at some masochistic camp getting whacked with chains and shit just trying to show his team that he is willing to sacrifice for them.
Waiting for our piece of $250 billion taxpayer dollars 12
Kings of the Sun Belt 39
CB
I was watching The Last of the Mohicans this morning before work and I realized that the English dude who has those hot daughters was named
Directional LA 14
Arr-Kansas 33
ML
At this point in the season, I truly have no time for games like this. Nice non-conference schedule
La-Mo Blows 13
Swine 34
EGM
The honeymoon is officially over. I’ve not yet given up on the Urbanator’s offense…but I will be watching closely (as will those at the newly created firecoachmeyer.com). This should be a good revenge game for the Gators after a shitty loss in
And we have to go home to NO BARS 3
Back to normal…for a week 48
CB
Damn, last year the Gators lost to this bunch of shitheads on the road. I remember going there and seeing a loss back in 2000. That was a total nightmare. Listening to replay after replay of “Who Let the Dogs Out?,” the dude ringing the cowbell in his baby’s ear as the child was attempting to sleep, the horrible student section and my pop being forced to drink Canadian Club and cooler water is enough to drive anyone mad, but now this weekend those losers from Mississippi can come see what a real college town is like. Of course they will be leaving with their tails between they legs cause the Gators are pissed and everyone knows you shouldn’t mess with a pissed off Reptile.
No More Cowbell 12
Gator Wakening? 30
ML
Some of the Gators that are grumbling after the dismantling at the hands of ‘Bama should be assuaged by the fact that at this point last year, we lost to a team that lost to frickin’
Dirty Dawgs 3
Wounded Gators 35
EGM
I really have no idea how good UGA is. They almost lost to USC and they kicked
The Shocker is NEVER a good move 13
I’d pay to not have Bob Davie pronounce Clausen 24
CB
This game is huge for the UT’s hopes of winning the East. A loss will pretty much guarantee their rightful place at the head of the Citrus Bowl banquet. But a Vic and they are in good shape since the Gators could, apparently, very easily lose again. (that hurts). Anyways, Phil, the biggest guy on the field, must remember the last time the Dawgs came to town right? 41 to 14 shellacking, that was hot. Personally, I don’t have a team I’m rooting for since I hate them both, but I guess it would be good to see the UT fans and that “someone just ate my moonpie” look on their faces.
UGA 18
UT 17
ML
Speaking of hobnailed boots, the Shocker had a week off to rest his pinky and prepare for a dual with the Balding Cro-Magnon Pickle Man Jr. and the rest of the Vols, who expelled Ole Piss with relative ease last week. I predict a hard-hitting; sloppily played game, very similar to the UT/LSU game 2 weeks ago. The team that makes the fewest mistakes will win. Which device will be more effective? The Shocker’s pinky or Claussen’s pickle?
Dawgs will sniff, lick, and shock your ass 21
Remember Mark Vlasic? 14
EGM
USC sucks way more than I ever thought. Spurdog should have thought twice about throwing those cons off the team. KY is terrible. Matching Rich Brooks up against Spurrier isn’t fair, its like Fredo vs. Michael Corleone.
Don’t go in the boat Richy 18
You are nothing to me… 38
CB
This is Spur-dawg’s chance to not feel like a total loser.
Bars Close at 1, good I’m tired at 11…. 13
Five Points, where Jager goes to die 17
ML
Ouch….Spurdawg has been getting his comeuppance for all the beatings he dished out at UF during the 90s. Thankfully, I haven’t been gambling this year, or I’d be joining several Gators who have lost money betting on Steve’s boys. The ‘Cocks were completely destroyed at
Kensucky 19
Lamecocks 31
LSU at Vanderbilt
EGM
Vandy lost last week. They will lose again this week. Jay Cutler is a better player then JarJar, but Jay’s Dores don’t have Joseph Addai. However, the way Zook Miles coaches it looks like LSU doesn’t have Addai either.
Addai Touches 22
Doremats again 7
CB
Well, well…Vandie was finally exposed last week….hahaha losing to the likes of MTSU… unbelievable…I just wish I wasn’t so upset about the Gator loss so I could have been totally jacked about them finally losing. LSU just came off a huge win at
ML
Phew…..everyone can cease building the bomb shelter, stockpiling canned goods, and hoarding guns & ammo. The Vanderbilt buzz dissipated in
Bayou Bengals 45
Doremats again 17
The Citadel at Ole Miss
EGM
Does Ole Miss play any conference games? It seems like they are always playing some half ass school from a shit conference. The Citadel stuck with FSU for the first half before getting blown out. After watching Ole Piss play a few game I think Citadel will hang even longer than that in this game.
The Apex 9
The Hair 21
CB
Hell, I may just have to pick The Citadel in this one… at least they are folks I can respect…I mean shit, they at least get regular haircuts right? ….and they know that croakies are for fucking losers… maybe I shouldn’t talk, I haven’t had a haircut in a month… I feel dirty…
THE Citadel 5
OLE Mess 7
ML
If I were a student at the Citadel, I’d only accept women at my school that looked like Ole Miss sorority girls. I mean, do yall remember how hideous that first broad was? What was her name again? Unfortunately the female “talent” at the Citadel either looks like Dog Leash girl from Abu Ghraib or Tony Siragusa.
Women Need Not apply 6
Our chicks are hot 27
EGM
Remember last time a big win kept a coach from getting fired? That really worked out didn’t it…
CB
So what am I supposed to do? Thank
ML
Is Bama back? They did beat a good team, but I can’t help but feel that maybe our Gators were a bit overrated in our minds and in the minds of the media. We are a school that has lost 5 games 3 straight years, and it is safe to say we didn’t play our best game. However, if the Savior can duplicate his Christ-like performance of last week, they may indeed go unbeaten, SI jinx notwithstanding.
EGM
I smell massive protests outside of bars.
CB
Right, like I have time to comment on these assholes.
ML
Due to the bye,
Duke at
EGM
I’m sure the Cokehead and Blue Devil faithful will pack the stands for this intriguing matchup.
PUKE 0
# of fans attending 37
CB
Puke gets to know what losing feels like when they face Miami … oh wait, they’ve been losing for years….the game is at Miami so with the monster crowd behind them, the cokeheads should be fired up just enough to avoid the upset….Nip/Tuck is great show based in Miami … on the show, there is a serial “attacker” nicknamed “The Carver.” I wish the he would go after some of the
Puke 3
The Carver’s next victim 56
ML
Puke vs. Mee-ahhh-meee…Should be a capacity crowd on hand at the Powder Blue/Orange Bowl for this riveting ACC matchup. I could give two shits about this game.
Puke 0
CoCanes 37
EGM
The Demonic Evangelists head to a land that is itself demonic. The Noles had big trouble last year against Wake but this year their defense is much tougher, especially at home in front of the sluts and douchebag dudes.
What is a “wake” forest? 0
Of course we like anal 35
CB
Wow Wake has totally tanked this year… they started off by losing to Vandie and now they have to face a team that is at least twice as good. While Bobby has been busy molesting children this week, his team has probably had a few practices (in between felony hearings.) The Deac’s are coming off a decent win over Clemzin last week so I guess they have that going for them…still, that’s pretty sad …
Demons 13
Felons 31
ML
I had the hardest time trying to come up with something to write about this game. I feel as though all the sarcastic things I could say about the Noles have already been said. I almost typed something about Ted Bundy’s rampage through an FSU sorority decades ago, but I felt that might be a bit over the line. However, if Ted really wanted to fit in, he should have pulled a John Wayne Gacy and dressed up as a clown. You know, since it has a clown college. I must say John Wayne Gacy goes down as the scariest serial killer of all time. He managed to mold together many terrifying concepts: 1) Clown 2) Fat Guy 3) Mass murder of children. About the only thing that can compare is having an offensive coordinator named Jeff Bowden calling plays for a quarterback named Drew Weatherford who throws to a receiver named FAGG.
Demon Deacons are not as scary as clowns 13
Bundy U 42
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2005 Records:
Standings W L %
Cuzzin Bailey 36 10 78
El Gran Mono 35 11 76
Malt Licker 33 13 72
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