Thursday, October 09, 2008

Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week VII

El Gran Mono
This weekend sets up as one of the most memorable in my lifetime. The Gators matching up against LSU in revenge game #1 of this 2008 season, the Rays matched up against the scum sucking southy clan, and a hell of a general slate in college football highlighted by the no-defense-Big 12 matchup of Oklahoma-Tejas. I’m looking forward to two TVs in my living room and watching the good guys pave their way to an SEC championship and a World Series title.

Also, a warm BBoys Happy Belated Birthday to CB. Thirty, beotch! Enjoy Torts.

Malt Licker
Big game Saturday….a full slate of intense games in the SEC and throughout the rest of the nation. As well as game two for the Rays against the Chowds. Throw in the fact that Cuzzin’ Bailey just became the first bourbon boy with the ignominious honor of entering his 30s, and it could not be a more exciting weekend. I’m heading north and congregating with a bunch of old buddies and throwing the tailgate of the century. If you are one of the 4 people who read this make a trek to Murphree hall and look for the drunkest collection of folks within 50 feet. Additionally, be careful not to have too much fun, apparently our fascist school president does not take kindly to drunken mayhem.

Cuzzin’ Bailey
Another big weekend for the Gators, and for your Cuz…hell, next weekend is huge too as I will be attending my first non Gator SEC game ever. Hopefully that will be more relaxing than this one. Big crew of alumni and friends coming to Gainesville this weekend and it should be a wild time. Another 8pm LSU game, shit. I just hope the Gators can A) not play like morons, and B) maybe beat Les Miles at his own game. I am looking for a number of trickeration plays, or going for it on 4 and short, etc. I think if we can give him a taste of his own medicine, it may cause him to get a little desperate and try even more fucked up moves. How’s that sound? Come to think of it, I don’t know about that. The guy is incredibly lucky so anything he throws at Florida generally sticks. I think LSU would be more vulnerable if they just stuck to a normal game plan and didn’t try anything funny. Let’s go with that…Go Gators!

South Carolina at Kentucky (-1), 12:30
The Kats proved me right and did their consummate “cover.” If it wasn’t for a flukey turnover they may have unrolled the tide. The Cocks bounced back with a big win over Ole Miss on the road. I honestly have no idea what to expect in this game. It could not be more even. I think it will probably come down to turnovers, and usually the road team nuts up more.

Chickens 23
Felines 27

Cocks 14
Kats 13

USC 17
UK 14

Vanderbilt at Mississippi State (+3), 2:30
Vandy performed admirably last week in a tough matchup with the Plainsmen. However, a few Nashville high school teams would have defended Auburn’s superawesome spread in a similar manner. So do I think Vandy is that good? No, I think they are the same team as last year, even more so with Mac Adams at QB. They have a terrible running game and their passing offense is bottom tier. Chris Nickson has the scrambling and play making ability to allow them to look better. He’s questionable for this game…

Miss State actually turned the corner a little bit against the almighty Tigers of LSU. However, those same Tigers gave up some points to the Plainsmen. What to make of all of this? Who knows? I know they are playing inside the fifth ring of hell. Advantage, Miss State.

No longer “1st in the SEC” 13
Croom 17

Bowl eligible already??? 21
Almost a trap 19

Vandie 16
Miss St 4

Tennessee at Georgia (-12), 3:30
Not sure exactly where to begin with this game. I suppose I could start by saying I have pretty much nothing but absolute disdain for both these schools, so forgive me if my take on this game is a little negative. In re: to the game, two weeks ago (before the Bama debacle) I would have taken the Dawgs with a 17 point spread; but now that we have seen what a decent defense can do to UGA, I am less impressed with them. On the other side, I have never been impressed with UT’s offense. Crompton is terrible. And the awesome thing is, regardless of how great he may become, he’s already a junior and its gonna take a lot longer than ½ a year for him to get any better. If the Vols future is JC, then it’ll last 1 more year and be painful to watch…I love Crompton as the enemies QB. Knowshon Moreno is like hurt or something, and that could be detrimental to an already fragile UGA morale. This could be an upset waiting to happen, but it probably won’t.
UT 16
UGA 27

Vols 17
Dawgs 24

Vol Pride dwindling 20
Cant Cover 24

Arkansas at Auburn (-19.5), 5
The Hawgs are the team that supposedly cures all malaise, but the Plainsmen are hoping that the canning of their OC Tony Franklin will turn around their season. I think it is too late for that, and a new scheme is tough to implement in 1 week. Luckily they’re playing the aforementioned hogs and their beady-eyed head coach. Do you think he’ll try and steal TT’s job at halftime? If I were Tommy I’d dispatch a spy to watch his every move.

Cagey Hawgs 16
Tigers 24

Hawgs 10
Plainsmen 24

Ark 3
Aubie 21

LSU at Florida (-5.5), 8
Well, I’ve held back long enough on my Gator take. So, here it goes. Fast teams have found a way to deal with the spread. Tebow usually takes the punishment. Our O-Line is loaded with top flight prospects but doesn’t seem to be able to handle the scheme. But do the mighty Gators adjust? Hell no. And Tebow then takes more punishment. Imagine this team WITHOUT Tebow. Scary stuff for even the most devoted Gator fan.

I’m really hoping to see the adjustments Urban made after losing to Bama and LSU in his first year. He worked with the players he had. That’s what I’m looking for, but I fully expect a ton of five wide sets against a superfast team that will blitz at least seven players. Did I mention I love Dan Mullen? Remarkably, I still see Tebow having a game like he had last year and keeping us in this.

LSU has nothing at QB, a massive offensive line and a tendency to abandon the running game even when its working. Oh yeah, their coach is a fucking maniac. I’m sure they’ll do great in the Swamp with all that going for them.

I feel like change is in the air and I don’t mean socialism.

Tiggers 17
Gatorzzzzzzzz? 28

Cajun Freaks 20
Drunk Gators 21

LSU 20

Alabama – OPEN
Well, Bama sure showed me that I have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about. I had them winning next week running away and UK kept it very close and destroyed the line. The Tide couldn’t have been looking forward to the BYE week and I’m sure they weren’t already thinking about Ole Miss next week, so I suppose, to use a football cliché it must have been a “hangover” from the UGA stomping. Anyways, I’m glad I have the knowledge of them struggling with Kensucky last week so know I’ll be more able to pick them next week.

Ole Miss – OPEN
Open week, plenty of time to get a haircut and cut down on your loser factor by 100. However, I’m sure you’ll just throw a blazer on the situation, drink a mint julep, and pay for it with a crisp five from your tall wallet. And THAT is why you will live in Mississippi your whole life.

P.S. – William Faulkner SUCKS!

Texas vs. Oklahoma (-7), 12
The Red River Rivalry, yes I know it’s the Red River Shootout I just like to fuck with my UT friends. Anyways, I’m gonna piss them off s’more cause I don’t think that Texas has a shot in this game. I hope this isn’t bad Karma since they are both coming down here this weekend for the UF/LSU game. Shit, I think in order to balance everything out I may just have to pick the ‘Horns. What a fucking stupid move that would be huh? From what I have seen (well mostly heard), Oklahoma is totally legit and many “experts” don’t seem that impressed with Texas just yet. Well this is a rivalry game, I think its time to throw out the numbers and just guess…
UT 21

Horns 28
Sooners 31

Tejas 20
Sooners 24

Penn State at Wisconsin (+5), 8
Yawn…the Big 10 Baby!!! To explain to you how shitty last Saturday was for me, I was on duty at a tax seminar from 9-7, and the only game that was worth watching involved Wisconsin and OSU. Wisconsin blew that game because they couldn’t stop the Terrelle Pryor scramble around and throw it up for grabs play that the SweaterVest kept running. Apparently this is the one year out of 4 that Penn State is actually good. Can they keep it going in Camp Randall? JoePa has an injured leg, but he is no doubt troubled by all the liberal douches he’ll be surrounded by in Madison.

JoePa 4 Czar! 28
Badgered 13

Lions 24
Badgers 17

PSU 34

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