Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week X

Cuzzin’ Bailey
Well, I wish I could say I am watching the World Series Game 6 as I’m writing this, but alas we all know that isn’t true. The Phillies came up with very timely hits and that’s that. The Rays had a great season and I’m very happy I was able to be witness to a good part of it. In regards to the Gators…this week we have the hated Bulldogs and their merry band of fair weather fans/bandwagon jumpers that I am surrounded by in Jacksonville these days. We’ll see who has the last laugh on Monday in class bitches!

El Gran Mono
Redemption week! I really can’t wait to be a few brews deep and watching CBS on mute this Saturday. There is no listening to the Verne/Gary Georgia love in at my domicile. I found the same mute button was an effective weapon against Chip Caray, et al during the ALCS. I’m still not ready to talk about the World Series, give me a week. As for the games, there isn’t much in the SEC outside of UF-UGA but at least we get to pick the gun slinging Big 12 matchup once again. Sadly, last week determined that the Big Ten will be getting a team in the BCS Championship. While Penn State tends to be tougher than Ohio State, they still don’t have the fire power to beat a Big12/SEC Champion or USC. When will everyone learn that a playoff is the only true test…

Malt Licker
Man, I fucking hate Georgia with every fiber of my being. I hate their coach. I hate their fans. I hate Larry Munson. I hate the hedges. I hate their fans. I hate their coach. Unlike their team last year, I do not have to manufacture any emotion. It is pumping through me like crazy. I do not feel very comfortable about my game picking prospects this week, everything else is on the back burner, so take them with a grain of salt.

Auburn at Ole Miss (-6.5), 12:30
CB
Just when we thought that the Tigers were out of the doldrums of offensive futility, they pull themselves back in. I mean I had the right idea that Auburn couldn’t win in Morgantown last week, I just thought they might have a little heart to actually cover the spread. Boy was I wrong. They blow. Now Ole Miss on the other hand has had a rather up and down season. The down being that they play very, very well against good/great teams, but can play poorly against a subpar opponent. Enter Aw-burn. They are about as subpar as you can get right now, so this could be a let down game for the Rebs. IF, they play as hard as they did against UF and against Bama, this could be a long day for the Plainsmen. Hotty Toddy, let’s bank on that.

Awwbarn 13
Ole Miss 21

EGM
Plaintigers 21
Rebs 20

ML
u-barn burners 20
Ole Piss 17

Tulsa at Arkansas (+7), 2
ML
Who would have thought Ark-kansas would be an underdog at home to the Golden Hurricane? Are we allowed to call them the Hurricane? Or is that offensive to Katrina survivors? What is offensive, are the eyes and soul of one Bobby Petrino. Tulsa looks to remain a BCS BUSTER BABY!!!! To do so they’ll have to use the top offense in the nation to snap the Hawgs 16 game winning streak.

Golden Low-Pressure Systems 23
Sooooeeeey 21

CB
Tul 24
Ark 19

EGM
Golden Hurricane 21
Hawgs 24

Kentucky at Mississippi State (-3), 2:30
EGM
This is definitely not a showcase game for the SEC. Neither team has much offense and after watching KY in action last week I think Miss State actually has the advantage on O. Crazy shit right? When is the last time Miss State had a better offense than its opposition? I’m betting that answer includes a team with Sleepy Robinson or maybe even Wayne “Preseason All-SEC” Madkin. I’d love to write all day about this game but honestly its terrible. Avoid it at all costs.

Crappy Cats 3
Crappy Dawgs 7

CB
Kantuckee 17
Mess St 12

ML
Kenblocky-punty 20
Croooooooooom 10

Arkansas State at Alabama (-22.5), 3
CB
Let’s just agree that presuming the Tide play as well as they can and do in big games, they will destroy Arkansas St. The one wrinkle is, it seems like they haven’t be able to get up for these shitbox shows. Hell even UK isn’t as crummy as they’ve been in the past and Bammer played most of the game like they were half asleep. IF they can’t get hyped for a sure SEC win then I generally don’t expect much enthusiasm in this contest. Now, that is not to say that the Red Wolves stand any chance. The only way in hell this game is very close is if every position starter for Alabama gets hurt and Nick the dick Saban starts flipping a coin for offensive plays. No, the real question here is, will the Tide cover. Schizophrenia reigns in the SEC when it comes to whether or not teams show up big against out matched opponents, so I’m gonna go with a little faith here…just turned on Encore, and lo and behold, Crimson Tide is on the for the 500th time this week…guess we know what I’m thinking.

Arkie State 10
Bama 45

EGM
Redwolves 7
Bamer 28

ML
Might as well be DeVry 2
Tide 31

Georgia vs. Florida (-5.5), 3:30
CB
This is the game of the year my friends, and anyone tells you different, they’re selling something. I have no idea what that last part means, but I heard it in a movie and it sounded cool. But seriously, I hope yall don’t mind if I vent a little. I ask you, WHEN did it become “cool” for chicks to randomly like UGA? I mean I understand girls that went there and stuff, but there are all sorts of tricks at my school that are just liking the Dawgs this weekend cause “they have cute shirts” or “b/c Johnny likes them” or whatever. Its really fucking annoying. When did it become anything but dirty as shit and scummy as hell to like the BULLDOGS????? ARRRGH! Anyways, sorry but, I needed that. This is for real going to be a great game (God Damnit). Both teams match up very, very well, with the exception of the secondary position, in that both sides have the potential to give up the big play in that regards and that could mean the game for either team. As a biased Gator fan, I am looking forward to a few things. 1) UF scoring an early TD and not acting like a bunch of faggots (see: UGA first TD last year), 2) letting Tim be Tim, run when he wants, stiff arm a few linebackers and score all over those assholes, and 3) speaking of LBs, I REALLY like the matchup of their banged up crew versus our quiet little tandem of Demps and Rainey. (the nerds on some Gator forum tried nicknaming them, it was lame). Anyways, looks like its gonna be great football weather, partly cloudy and cool. Lots of tailgating in site, and tickets in hand. Go GATORS!!!

UGA 23
UF 34

EGM
Dawgs 17
Gators 31

ML
Hated 14
Loved 27

Tennessee at South Carolina (-6), 7
ML
Can Spur-dog ride the flowing locks of his drunken quarterback and kick the chair out from under Phil? We all know the noose is tightening around the neck. It would be fitting that the plump one’s biggest nemesis be the one to ring the death knell for his coaching career. I haven’t seen UT play with emotion (aside from Eric Berry) in about 3 years. I just don’t think they care enough about their leader to lay it on the line. Some new blood in Knoxville is needed.

100th ranked rushing offense 10
Fighting Garcia’s 25

CB
UT 15
USC 20

EGM
Vols 10
Cocks 13

Tulane at LSU (-25.5), 8
EGM
I guess this game is some kind of rivalry. Or maybe they just get together and talk about how shitty the roads are in the Pelican State. I haven’t figured it out yet. However, what I have figured out is that LSU’s secondary couldn’t tackle Cuzzin’ Bailey 10 brews deep. It was like greased pigs were running loose in the secondary last weekend. Tulane totally blows and still has no shot. The real question is whether Jarret Lee continues his quest for Pick Sixes.

Green Wave 10
Tigers 38

CB
Tulate 9
Seasons over 40

ML
In-state doormat 3
SEC East doormat 42

Vanderbilt – OFF
ML
I honestly believe Vandy is going to lose out and blow yet another chance at a bowl appearance. How the hell do you lose to Duke? I know Cutcliffe is a good coach, but c’mon. I want them to lose out, too. I have never met anyone remotely cool who attended Vanderbilt.

Tejas at Tejas Tech (+3.5), 8
EGM
Never bet against Texas Tech at home. But what I’m gonna tell you is this, bet against Texas Tech at home. Seems crazy right? Texas Tech has never played in a game of this magnitude and I’m sure they are thinking the same thing right now. Even Mike Leach in full pirate gear on the sidelines won’t help them. I foresee dropped balls and many blown coverages. Maybe even a 4th quarter comeback, but Tejas and Colt McCoy will be too much. Whatever it is, take the over.

Horns 35
Red Raidaz 31

CB
HORNS! 43
Raiders 38

ML
6th Street – 33
Win it for Jason Street (and the gators) 34